HISTORY OF MENTORIA.
MENTORIA, or rather Helena Askham, was the only child of a brave soldier, who, though born to move in but an humble sphere, had courage, magnanimity, and fortitude, that might have become a staff officer, but he never rose to higher rankthan a serjeant, in which station he acquitted himself with so much honor that he was universally esteemed by his superiors, and beloved by his equals. He was, at an early age, married to the daughter of a reputable tradesman, who preferring the hardships of war, to a separation from her husband, resolutely followed him to every campaign. It was at the frege of Quebec, that our gallant veteran was wounded and left dead on the field: his faithful partner, unable to support the shocking tidings which were abruptly conveyed to her, fell into premature labour, and in giving birth to a female infant, rendered up her own life.
Colonel Dormer was acquainted with the circumstance, and determined to protect the poor little orphan—ordered it to be provided with a nurse; and when he wrote to England, informed his sister, Lady Winworth, of the charge he had undertaken, [Page 16] requesting she would permit the little Helena to be sent over to be educated with her daughters. Her ladyship acquiesced, and Helena arrived safe in England, when only two years old, and was immediately admitted into the nursery among the little Winworths, and as she grew up enjoyed with them the benefit of a polite and liberal education.
The young Lord Winworth, as he advanced towards manhood, could not behold the young orphan without some emotions of tenderness, Helena was pleasing in her person, and elegant in her manners, but she was endowed with discernment and sense far superior to the generality of young women of her age. She possessed sensibility enough to be unable to listen with coldness and inattention to the ardent professions of a young nobleman, who to the advantages of birth and fortune, added a prepossessing figure, and every polite accomplishment—but she knew that he was extremely young, and that, in all probability, however eager at that time to enter into indissoluble engagements, he would hereafter repent his precipitancy, and regret that he had not matched with one more suitable in rank and fortune. She also reflected that she should, by accepting him, disappoint the hopes of his mother, and prove herself ungrateful to a woman who had ever treated; her with maternal tenderness, "And shall I," [Page 17] said she, ‘for the gratification of a passion which has perhaps arose from childish fondness, and only gains strength by not being opposed, entail on myself the anger of my best benefactors, and lay myself open to the sneers of the world, by matching so far above my expectations, nay, will not my husband be laughed at for raising a poor orphan to his rank and title. I am determined to stifle this rising passion, and to inform my Lady of the unfortunate attachment of her son.’
This judicious resolution she immediately put in execution. Lady Winworth listened to her with a mixture of surprise and admiration. "My dear Helena," said she, "you shall never want a friend while I exist. This generous conduct has rendered you more amiable than ever. My son is but a boy, I will send him abroad, and in all human probability a few years spent at some of the gayest Courts in Europe, will entirely eradicate this youthful penchant."
When the young gentleman was informed of his mother's desire that he should travel, he flew to Helena, and earnestly entreated her to consent to a private marriage before his departure. She laughed at his importunity, though her little heart was ready to rebel, and she sound to laugh (however repugnant to her feelings) was the only way [Page 18] to avoid an affecting interview. Her mirth piqued him, "You do not love me, Helena," said he. "I never told you I did, my Lord." "But your looks, your actions, have contributed to make me think you did." "Why, my good Lord," said she smiling, "I do love you most affectionately, and wish for nothing more than to see you happy." "Then why not consent to our immediate union?" cried he eagerly." Because I love you as a brother, and hope to see you, when you return, married to some lady of birth, merit, and fortune, and to figure as bride-maid on the occasion." "Unaccountable girl," said he, peevishly, "then only promise me to remain single till my return." "Indeed I shall not, my Lord, for I have no intention to wear a willow garland; and sure I am, that should I make such a promise, we should both repent it before the year was out." "Nay, Madam," said he, angrily, "if you are of so light a disposition—" "It is even so," cried she, with affected vivacity, "therefore, as you are warned, pray beware, and think no more of so trifling and inconstant a character."
When Helena retired to her own apartment, she gave free vent to her feelings; and in order to avoid the pain of parting, requested permission of Lady Winworth, to pay a visit to a young lady, who lived some miles from town. The old Lady saw the propriety of her request, and immediately [Page 19] granted it. She therefore departed the next morning, leaving only a card, wishing his lordship health and much pleasure in the course of his travels. So striking a proof of her indifference increased his resentment, and he left England without any of those pangs which he imagined he should suffer when separated form his Helena.
The event proved that Helena was right; for when Lord Winworth returned, he brought with him a bride, lovely, amiable, and his equal in rank and fortune. When his lordship left England, he took with him a young gentleman, as a travelling companion; this gentleman did not see Helena previous to his departure, but at his return, charmed with her innocent vivacity and judicious conduct, requested permission to pay his addresses; which was immediately granted, and on their union he was presented with a post under government, which he enjoyed till his death.
Helena being then left in rather straitened circumstances, was requested to become governess to the daughters of Lord Winworth; she consented, on condition that they might be permitted to retire with her into the country. His lordship purchased a estate in Wales, and thither she retired with her young charge.
On the death of his wife, Lord Winworth requested [Page 20] her to bring his girls to town, and become their conductor in public, as she had been their preceptress in private: but this she resolutely refused.
On the separation of the young ladies from their kind, almost materna. end, they requested a continued correspondence might be kept up between them. Mentoria was the appellation they had ever given her, and under this name was the correspondence commenced.
As her letters are interspersed with entertaining tales apposite to the subjects on which she wrote, I have avoided giving any of the young ladies' letters, as they would only prove an interruption to the general design.
LETTER I. MENTORIA, TO THE MISS WINWORTHS.
AFTER being accustomed to the society of my dear Miss Winworths for fifteen years, how solitary and comfortless is my situation. I every day feel my loss more severely. I look at the harpsichord, and expect my Sophia to come and practise her favorite lessons. I take up a book, and almost unknown to myself, call on Emily to read some passage that pleases or interests [Page 21] me. I miss the dear lively sallies of Gertrude, and the innocent prattle of Letitia: but though I so severely feel the privation of your beloved society, I am not so selfish as to wish you again in the shades of Cambray. I am certain of the necessity of your taking a part in the active scenes of life, and as your dear mother is now no more, your father will necessarily require the cheerfulness of his children to brighten his solitary hours, and it was but just that my beloved girls should appear in the station they were born to ornament.
I highly comment the prudence of your father, in taking Mrs. Clairville into his family, to be your chaperons on your first entrance into fashionable circles. She is a woman who has seen a great deal of polite life, has ever retained an unblemished reputation, and though reduced by misfortune to be glad to accept the situation your father offered her, has ever been received as a guest whose presence conferred an obligation, by some of the first families in England.
Though separated from you, I shall, as you desire, still continue your preceptress, and shall not at any time scruple to tell you of your faults; for partial as I am to your virtues, I am by no means blind to those errors to which human nature is ever subject, and which, if not timely eradicated, [Page 22] will gain an ascendancy over your mind, and entirely hide those amiable qualities, which at present form the most striking traits in your character.
And to begin—I feel myself greatly hurt and offended by the letter I received from Gertrude, since your arrival in London. When it was first delivered into my hands, a joyful sensation diffused itself over my heart, and while reading the tender expressions of grateful affection that seemed to flow spontaneous from your pen, it expanded with pleasure; but when I came to these words, "My father received us with great affection, and has been very bountiful in presents, cloaths, pocket-money, &c. but yet for all that, my dear Madam, I cannot feel that perfect affection for him, which I know I ought. He has a great many peculiarities, some of them by no means pleasing; and my sisters all agree, he is very much of the Bashaw."
Good Heavens! said I, and is this all the fruit I am likely to reap from the pains I have taken to instil into the minds of those dear girls a just idea of what is meant by the words, Filial Duty. That the very first letter I receive should point at the little foibles of a parent, who they acknowledge received them with affection, and has been extremely bountiful to them. Believe me, [Page 23] my dear children, if you wish to pass through life with any degree of pleasure to yourselves, you must early learn to submit, without murmuring, to the will of your father; be blind to his errors, or if they are so glaring that you cannot avoid seeing them, never expose them, or suffer others to speak disrespectfully of him in your presence.
You must sacrifice your own wishes to his, you must study his happiness and ease, and in so doing will most assuredly promote your own.
You no doubt remember the amiable Mrs. Railton, who favored me with her company for a few weeks last summer. I yesterday received news of her death, and as I am certain example is ever more efficacious than precept, I will give you a slight sketch of her history, as a model by which every young woman who wishes to promote her own felicity, will regulate her conduct.
Mr. George Campbell was the youngest son of a wealthy baronet, who having several livings in his gift, besides good interest at Court, brought him up to the church, with the sanguine expectation of one day seeing him a bishop.
[Page 24] Unfortunately for George, before he had attained his twenty-third year he became attached to a young lady, who had every requisite to render the married state happy, but money—and money being the old gentleman's darling idol, he consequently thought she possessed no requisite worthy the wife of his son; but George was too far engaged to retreat with honor, he therefore told his father, he was resolved upon the union, and in a few days presented his beloved Louisa to entreat his blessing.
When Sir James found they were really married, he thought it was in vain to fly in a passion, he received them cordially, and gave them, an universal invitation to his house, but in his heart he never forgave them. The livings were disposed of to other people, and at his death he left the whole of his estates to his eldest son.
Mr. Campbell had only a curacy of about eighty pounds a year, and as regular as the year came round, his wife presented him with a child. Poverty took up her habitation among them, and he bitterly regretted having, by an act of disobedience, not only brought on himself his father's displeasure, but involved an amiable woman, whom he loved, in a scene of penury and distress. These reflections sour'd his disposition, he became peevish and morose, nay sometimes went so far, as [Page 25] to reproach his wife as the cause of his abject situation.
Mrs. Campbell took great care to instil into the minds of her children the respect and affection due from them to their father. "My dear children," she would often say, "be assured, a breach of filial duty is ever attended with regret, and in general with misfortune."
Louisa was the eldest of five children, she was mild, meek, and affectionate. She attentively listened to the precepts of her mother, and laid them up in her heart as an inestimable treasure. Mr. Campbell's temper grew so extremely bad, that not only his wife, but his children came in for a share of his ill-humour. Louisa, in particular, was sure to be wrong, in whatever she said or did, and it was seldom she was favoured with a kind or affectionate word, yet her manners were so amiable and her form so lovely, that though she laboured under the disadvantages of a narrow education and extreme poverty, her company was courted by some of the genteelest families in the village, but in compliance with her father's illhumour, she was seldom allowed to stir from home.
When Louisa had reached her seventeenth year, Lady Mary Campbell, a distant relation of her [Page 26] father's came on a visit to a family who resided in the same village, Louisa's good qualities were resounded to Lady Mary from every mouth, and all unanimously agreed it was a pity so lovely a girl should be buried in obscurity and lost for want of a proper education.
Lady Mary was naturally of a humane disposition, she expressed a desire to see Miss Campbell, and when introduced to her, finding her even superior to what she had been taught to expect, made her an offer of going with her to London.
This was a proposal, too much to Louisa's advantage to be refused; the invitation was accepted, and the visit prolonged for three years, during which time Louisa had an opportunity of improving herself in the ornamental as well as useful branches of education.
Mrs. Campbell, who had for many years laboured under an evident decline, was now summoned home by that power, who had been pleased in this life to try her with long and heavy afflictions. Lady Mary carried Louisa to receive the dying blessing, and pay the last duties to her amiable mother.—That finished, she proposed her return to London. The lovely girl, penetrated with gratitude for the many favours she had received and tenderly attached to her generous benefactress, [Page 27] with difficulty restrained her tears, while she thus addressed her—
"Think me not ungrateful, dear Madam, if I beg to remain with any father; my brothers and sisters are engaged in learning occupations which may enable them to pass through life with industry and without reproach. I cannot leave my father in this solitude after so recent an affliction: he has been for many years used to the unremitting attention and tenderness of my excellent mother, I must not suffer him too severely to feel her loss, but endeavour, as far as in my power, by affection and assiduity, to supply her place."
"And can you, my dear Louisa, said her Ladyship, so easily forego the ease and plenty you have enjoyed with me, to live a life of penury and labour, and that for a man, who, though he is your father, I must say, does not deserve such attention—did he not always treat you with unmerited harshness?"
"Hold, my dear Madam," said Louisa, if, as you think, my father has not behaved to me with the kindness of a parent, it by on means releases me from my duty to him; had he a thousand errors he is my father still; as such I am called upon by nature and religion to do every [Page 28] thing in my power to render his life comfortable; if my endeavours to please can awaken his affection, I shall think myself amply repaid; if not, the consciousness, of having performed my duty, will give me a satisfaction which no future event can ever rob me of."
It was in vain Lady Mary urged her to return—the lovely. elegant, accomplished Louisa, preferred a low roofed mansion, scanty meals, and attendance on a sick peevish father, to the lofty apartments, plenteous table, and variety of amusements, she might have enjoyed with Lady Mary. She attended him to the last, and by her tender solicitude and affection smoothed the down-hill of his life, and cheared and comforted him in the most painful illness by her unaffected piety; he was moved by her filial duty, all the father rushed upon his soul, he blessed her with his parting breath, and expired in her arms.
You may, perhaps, enquire, what benefit Louisa reaped from this rigid performance of her duty? The question is easily answered. She gained a contented happy mind, serenity dwelt in her heart and chearfulness beamed from her eyes.
She had a genteel competency left her at Lady Mary's death, married a deserving man, and [Page 29] shone as conspicuously in the characters of a wife and mother, as she had done as a daughter—she lived beloved by all and died universally regretted.
Be wise, my dear children, follow Louisa's example, so shall your lives be happy and your last moments peace.
LETTER II.
I AM sorry, my dear ladies to be under the disagreeable necessity of again taking up my pen to reprove,
Your letters to me of late, have arrived so seldom, and when they do arrive, are so short, so filled with dress, visits, and parties of pleasure, that I almost doubt whether some demon has not imitated your hand-writing, to impose upon me; for I can find no vestige of those sentiments I so anxiously strove to inculcate in your minds while in the shades of Cambray: from the tenor of your letters, I should imagine you live entirely in a crowd, if so, you certainly have no time to attend to those improvements I so strongly recommended to you not to neglect.
[Page 30] You seem also to have taken an unaccountable dislike to Mrs. Clairville. You say your father is a great deal too partial to her; this appears to me the evident effect of envy or jealousy; your father being perfectly sensible of that lady's merit, and conscious that her situation in his family is rather humiliating, by treating her with uncommon respect, shews the goodness of his heart, and sets an example which I should rejoice to find my dear girls would follow.
Another thing which seriously alarms me for your future happiness is, to find you have your friends and secrets, and form little cotteries, of which neither your father nor Mrs. Clairville have any knowledge; believe me, you cannot be too cautious in the choice of your intimates, many a girl, whose intentions have been perfectly innocent, has lost her reputation, by associating with women whose levity has rendered their characters suspicious. You cannot find in the whole circle of your acquaintance, a friend so sincere as your natural parent, to him you may without reserve, communicate every wish of your hearts, for trust me when I say, every thought you would hesitate to reveal to a parent, must be totally improper to be harboured in your bosom. Perhaps you will tell me, that having no mother, there are some emotions of the heart, which the natural timidity and delicacy of your sex would render it extremely painful to communicate to a father.
[Page 31] As I am sensible of the truth of this assertion, I must recommend to you to chose a friend from among those most esteemed by your father, let her be some years older than yourself, (for age, in general, learn experience in the arts of the world) and by her advice, she may, in some measure guard you from falling a prey to the dissimulation of many pretendens to love or friendship, who will assume the semblance of attachment, to draw the unsuspecting youthful heart into improper connections, which too often terminate in their ruin.
A numerous acquaintance is, in general, of dangerous consequence to young women, as it is impossible but in a multiplicity of characters there may be some, whose conversation and example it would be improper to follow, and such is the frail state of human nature, that bad habits are easily contracted, and can seldom if ever be eradicated. A girl just entering the state of womanhood especially if she is possessed of any personal or mental accomplishments, and of an open ingenuous temper is surrounded with innumerable dangers; her reputation is of as delicate a texture, and may be as easily injured, as the fairest blossom; the malignant whisperings of envy, or the pestiferous breath of slander, may in an instant blast it; it will droop under the keen eye of suspicion, and too often those who most pretend to admire its sweets, will rudely pluck it from its parent stalk, [Page 32] deprive it of all its beauties, then throw it from them like a loathsome weed, leave it to perish unpitied and unregarded, and to be trod to the earth by every unfeeling passenger, who may perhaps cast on it a look of contempt, and cry, "Behold the once lovely."
There are many women in the world lovely in their persons, elegant and engaging in their manners, who are yet very improper connections for girls, who wish to preserve their reputation unsullied; of this description I greatly fear your favorite Matilda is—the strong dislike she expresses at the idea of your bringing either your father or Mrs. Clairville to see her, convinces me there must'be something in her character which she would not like to have discovered. Remember it was at a public ball you first formed an acquaintance with her; that a gentleman introduced her to you, and chance afterwards led you in a morning excursion to ride by her little chateau; you confess she lives in an elegant manner, that she is highly accomplished, and yet is always by herself. Would any woman of character and fortune, do you think, live thus recluse, have no female friends to associate with, no little chearful parties to enliven her solitude, and when she went into public, would she go only accompanied by gentlemen? You say there is an air of mystery about her; and, believe me, if [Page 33] that mystery was developed, it would discover nothing to her advantage. Let me intreat my dear girls to drop the acquaintance, or inform your father of it: if after a proper enquiry concerning her character, he should approve the continuation of your visits, I shall be happy to find you have so agreeable a member added to your society, and severely blame myself for having judged so harshly.
I should not have so many fears concerning your intimacy with Matilda, had I not, some years ago, known a very amiable girl, who entirely forfeited her good name, and in the end her life, by associating with a woman of light character.
Harriet Harding had the misfortune to lose her mother when very young, and at a very early age took upon herself the choice of her own acquaintance. She had been at the play one night, when a lady in the same box had shewn her many civilities, and at parting gave her a card, and begged to have the honour of seeing her.
Mr. Harding had remarked what passed, and on returning home, warned his daughter against forming any acquaintance with her, as she was a woman publicly kept by a man of fashion.
[Page 34] Harriet was giddy, thoughtless and fond of pleasure; chance threw her again in the way of Amelia, and she entirely forgot her father's injunction. A strict intimacy ensued, she was frequent in her visits to Amelia, often went with her into public, and was charmed with the incense of flattery that was offered to her by the men. Mr. Harding had business which called him to a distant part of England, Harriet was left mistress of her own actions, and chose this opportunity to go with Amelia on an excursion in the country; in this excursion they were attended by the gentleman who kept Amelia, and one of his friends, who was particular in his attentions to Harriet; the time flew on the wings of pleasure, and when they returned to town, (Mr. Harding being still absent) it was proposed she should accompany the party to a masquerade.
Harriet was a stranger to this sort of amusement, her spirits were exhilerated—she did not think of leaving it till a late hour, and when she mentioned going home Amelia was not to be found. The gentleman who had been her protector all the evening, begged permission to see her home, she consented, and at the hour of five in the morning arrived at her father's house; a servant who had arose carly to perform some particular work let her in, and the gentleman followed her up stairs. She was surprised, but could not he so [Page 35] rude as to tell him to leave the house; but how was her surprise increased, when throwing aside his mask and domino, he proceeded to take liberties she had ever been used to think of with abhorrence. Unable to defend herself from his insults, she shrieked aloud, and in a moment her father, who had returned the evening before, burst into the room—her shame and terror overcame her, and she fainted; an explanation ensued between the father and the gentleman who had insulted her, who shocked at the impropriety of his behaviour asked Mr. Harding's pardon, and staying till Harriet was recovered, gave her this advice at parting.
"I trust, my dear young lady, this will be a warning to you in future, how you choose your intimates. Amelia is a woman so publicly known, that it was next to impossible for you not to have been acquainted with the lightness of her character, I am now fully convinced that you are a woman of strict honour, but, believe me, till this day I always thought you a girl who had either no reputation to lose, or paid very little attention to so material a concern. I am sorry to say there are numbers of persons, of both sexes, who have seen you with Amelia, who think the same, and whom it will be a very difficult matter to convince to the contrary; let me beg of you to break off a connection so derogatory to your honor, and [Page 36] by the future propriety of your conduct regain that reputation, which your intimacy with so infamous woman has considerably injured."
Harriet could answer only with her tears, which flowed plenteously, not only at hearing these disagreeable truths, but from the reflection, that when the stranger was gone she had still her father's anger to endure; had this been all, Harriet might have thought herself happy, as by her future behaviour she might have hoped to regain his confidence and favour, but the heedless girl too soon found, that not only her father watched her actions with a suspicious eye, but all her female friends received her visits with coldness, forbore to return them, and in a short time entirely dropped her acquaintance; to add to her mortification, a young gentleman who had for some time addressed her on an honourable score, broke off the connection, and she found herself as solitary and as much neglected as though she lived in a desert."
"The consequence was, that on her father's decease, which happened soon after, finding herself, without society, she renewed her intimacy with Amelia, and from being accustomed to an intimate acquaintance with vice in others, she sunk so low as to practise; it herself, without compunction or remorse; till overtaken by disease [Page 37] and want (the sure attendants on riot and intemperance) she sunk to an early grave, a victim to her own folly."
You see, my dear girls, Harriet was not naturally of a depraved inclination, she shrunk with horror from the first approach of vice; her attachment to Amelia was founded on a love of pleasure, she enjoyed every luxury while with her, led a life of indolence, and was continually receiving presents of something to decorate her person; these were indulgences she could not enjoy at home, for though Mr. Harding was a very substantial tradesman, he would by no means allow his daughter to launch into extravagance, either in her housekeeping, dress, or pleasure—he wished to see every hour usefully employed, and as youth in general are much more found of pleasure than employment, Harriet was delighted with the acquaintance of a woman in whose society she could enjoy the one in its utmost extent, without ever hearing of the other.
I know my dear girls will tell me, there is no danger of Matilda drawing them into any improper scenes, by gratifying their desire of dissipation, since their father indulgently allows them to enjoy every pleasurable amusement the metropolis affords. But you are totally unacquainted with the world, there are a thousand ways by which [Page 38] an artful woman may steal upon the undesigning heart, a thousand ways by which she may lead them to destruction. Be wise then, my sweet young friends, and drop this acquaintance, before you feel any of its disagreeable consequences.
I shall in some future letter give you a few hints concerning the proper use of time, certain that however harsh you may for a moment think my reproofs, the native goodness of your hearts, will convince you they are meant solely for your good, and that you have not a more affectionate friend than
LETTER III. MENTORIA TO MISS WINWORTHS.
IN my last I gave you a striking instance of the dangerous tendency of improper acquaintance; be assured, there are more women led into errors by the bad precepts and examples of their own sex, than you would be apt to imagine, not only in forfeiting their good name, but every pretension to happiness. I do not know how otherwise [Page 39] to account for so many lovely, amiable women entailing misery upon themselves and their posterity, than by the romantic ideas they entertain of love and friendship.
Love, my dear children, is a noble, generous passion, and when kept under the guidance of reason, exalts and elevates the human soul; but the juvenile mind is apt to mistake a transient likeing, or a sudden impulse of gratified vanity, for love; and many a girl from at first being pleased with the company of those who indiscriminately offer the incense of adulation to every young female begins to fancy one more particular than the rest, and that one is undoubtedly designed to be her husband. From the moment this idea takes place, Miss is most violently in love, sleeping or waking the dear youth is continnally in her thoughts, she lives but in his presence, when he is absent she only exists. She unbosoms herself to some dear girl nearly of her own age, and she being her friend and confidant, the secret is to be kept inviolable. For want of some laudable pursuit to employ her time and engage her attention, she indulges her foolish penchant, which originated first in vanity and was afterwards nursed by fancy, till at length she is in reality attached to a man, who perhaps never entertained a serious thought of her; he marries some other woman, and Miss is left to sigh at her hard late, complain [Page 40] of the perfidy of mankind, and indulge in a luxury of delicate ideal misery. Nor is this all, her dear and faithful friend betrays her secret to all the Misses of her acquaintance, who (though perhaps guilty of the same folly themselves) will not scruple to laugh at what they will term, her indiscreet and foolish conduct.
Though such a situation is certainly sufficiently mortifying, yet it is by no means the worst that may happen. A girl who imagines she must be in love with the first man who says a few civil things to her, lays herself open to the designs of the object of her ideal passion, who if he should happen to be an artful man, may take advantage of her partiality and credulity, to draw her into indissoluble engagements, which is in general the case when there is a fortune in the way, or where that charm is wanting, to plunge her into infamy.
I once knew a girl, who, possessed of every advantage which could be derived from wealth, beauty, honorable relations, and a polite liberal education, at the early age of eighteen fell a victim to a romantic passion, and in the very moment when she sacrificed the regard of her friends the hopes of future advancement in life, in short, every thing that was valuable, she fancied she had done a praise-worthy action, by evincing her [Page 41] constancy and disinterested attachment to the object of her first love.
Belinda Dormer went to the same school with me, we contracted a great friendship for each other, and when the holidays separated us, by calling each to her respective home, we treasured up every little incident in our memories, whether of pain or pleasure, that when we met we might exchange confidence, and live over our pleasures, or soothe the remembrance of our little uneasinesses by participation.
Bell was a lovely brown girl, elegant in her form, accomplished in her manners, and lively in her disposition; her heart was tender and affectionate, without the least tincture of art or affectation, good-natured, easy, and credulous. She left school at the age of seventeen, and was ushered into the world, prepared to admire her, for she was reputed heiress to an immense fortune. The Christmas before she was taken home, during the holidays, her father gave a hall in honor of her birth-day, a young officer, whose only recommendation was an handsome person and polite address, and who depended on Mr. Dormer for father advancement in the army, requested the honor of her hand, and in the course of the evening danced himself so far into her esteem, that she implicitly believed him, [Page 42] when he told her she was the loveliest creature in the world, and that he should be miserable if she did not suffer him to hope he was not altogether indifferent to her.
Mr. Dormer had placed great confidence in this young man, he had taken him from a state of abject penury, placed him at a genteel academy, and when he imagined him capable of discharging his duty, as became a man of honor and a soldier, purchased him an ensign's commission in a regiment going to America, where he raised himself to the rank of captain, and was now just returned to England. Mr. Dormer ever intended to be the friend and patron of young Horton, but never dreamt of his aspiring to his daughter, he therefore gave him a general invitation to his house, nor once thought but that his gratitude and honor would be sufficient to prevent his forming any improper designs on the person or fortune of Belinda, besides he was near ten years older than Miss Dormer, and therefore there was no fear of an attachment taking place between them.
But Horton was an artful ambitious man, he long had wished to enjoy the benefits of an independent fortune, and looked on Belinda as the person by whose assistance he could obtain so desirable an acquisition. He had always been [Page 43] successful with the ladies, but the true state of his finances being generally known, he found it impossible to succeed in any matrimonial scheme, except it was with the innocent and unsuspicious, and Belinda was exactly suited for his purpose. He flattered, swore, knelt, wept, and acted every extravagance, till the simple girl made some confessions in his favor, he then prevailed on her to keep her partiality a secret from her mother, for he knew that her parents designed her for the bride of a young nobleman, who was at at that time abroad. He expatiated on the folly and cruelty of parents choosing partners for their children, and launched out in praise of disinterested love, talked of the union of souls, and a deal of soft sentimental nonsense, about a life of uninterruped felicity with the object of her own choice, though she was to live in the meanest cottage.
When Belinda returned to school, she fancied herself as much in love as it was possible for any sentimental heroine to be, and declared, for her sweet Horton she would be coutent to relinquish all the elegancies and indulgencies to which she had ever been a customed, and live upon the coarsest viands, in an obscure mansion. It was in vain I endeavoured to argue my young friend out of these ridiculous notions, she remained [Page 44] fixed in her determination, to marry Horton or not marry at all.
Unfortunately for Belinda, at that time I had as chimerical ideas of friendship as she had of love, and should have supposed it an inexcusable breach of confidence, to discover her designs to her mother, though it would have been the best proof of real friendship I could possibly have given her.
She was taken from school with a design of being introduced to Lord Gaymore; she went home one day, had a meeting with Horton the next, and the third morning by five o'clock set off in a chaise and four to Scotland, without having even seen the person her parents so earnestly wished her to be united with.
When they returned, Mr. Dormer, though highly offended at the rash conduct of Belinda, and the black ingratitude of Horton, forgave them, and settled an handsome annuity on her, but told them the bulk of his fortune was entailed on Lord Gaymore, (who was the nearest male relation) in case of her refusal of him.
Belinda was soon settled, and I took an early opportunity to visit her; I sound her, according to her own words, "superlatively happy! Her [Page 45] Horton was the kindest best of husbands, her home was a paradise, she would not be Lady Gaymore for the world! What was affluence? Nothing when put in competition with love and Horton." But this was the language of romance.
I called on her again in about six months. I found her fitting in extreme dishabille, her face was pale, her eyes sunk, and as she pensively leaned her head upon her hand a tear now and then stole down her cheek. I asked tenderly the cause of her sorrow. "Oh! my friend," said she, "I have undone myself! Horton is no longer the attentive tender husband." I, smiling, told her, that she must not expect the solicitude of the lover to last for life, but be content with the more calm and lasting esteem of a friend.
"Alas!" replied Belinda, "I have no friend, I find, too late, my violent attachment to Horton was the romantic whim of a lively imagination; and that the union of souls, the similarity of sentiment, which I had vainly thought would make the fetters of Hymen easy, and even delightful, existed only in my ideas. Horton has neither sense, good nature, or politeness at home, though he appears to possess those amiable qualities so eminently abroad. He is extravagant, vain, and too fond of his own person, to be long [Page 46] attached to any woman, except his passion is excited by interested motives; he has not scrupled to own, it was the hope of possessing my fortune alone induced him to address me, and that had he known the estate was entailed on Lord Gaymore, he never would have troubled himself to make love to a puny, baby-faced girl, when there were so many fine women who would have thought themselves honoured by his notice. Indeed, continued she, redoubling her tears, he seldom comes home but I am insulted with a recital of the many women of fashion who make him advances, and I am debarred of every innocent amusement, stinted in my dress, and almost kept without pocket-money, that he may appear with elegance in company, and have plenty of money to la vish in expensive pleasures.
I was greatly chagrined to find my dear young friend had really such just cause for complaint, but endeavoured to comfort her, and lead her to hope, that by constant affection, attention, and good-humour, she might recal her wanderer, and awaken in his bosom reciprocal tenderness. But I found by her reply, these were fallacious hopes.
She had been to visit her parents, and had there formed an acquaintance with Lord Gaymore, Unfortunately the ill-fated Belinda discovered [Page 47] this once dreaded nobleman to be possessed of every real virtue, of which Horton had assumed the semblance; his person was handsome, without being effeminate, his heart glowed with humanity and benevolence; he was a man of refined sense and strict honor, with a mind enlightened and expanded by a liberal education and a thorough knowledge of the world. Belinda saw him, and acknowledged the full value of the happiness she had voluntarily cast from her.
I warned her against making comparisons to the disparagement of her husband; and hinted the folly and danger of suffering any other person to stand higher in her esteem. She acknowledged the truth of my remarks, said she would endeavour to be patient and content, but she greatly feared she had lost sight of happiness for ever. And so indeed it proved, for though at the death of her father she received a very handsome legacy, so great was Horton's extravagance, that it was presently gone, lavished away on the worst of women for the most infamous purposes.
Belinda had children very fast, and before she was thirty years old was left a widow with eight helpless children, to struggle with the accumulated evils of poverty, contempt, and a broken heart—Horton's extravagance having obliged her to sell her annuity, she had no resource but to accept a [Page 48] small yearly allowance from Lord Gaymore, who was then married, and allowed her a hundred pounds a year, for the education of her eldest boy, to whom he was god-father.
I will leave you my dear girls to imagine the pain and mortification of such a dependence, and while you pity Belinda's misfortune, cautiously avoid her errors! I shall renew the subject next post, till when and ever believe the your friend,
LETTER. IV.
AS my subject is love, my dear children may perhaps once think an old woman entertaining; but when they find my intention is only to expose the dangers which are attendant on that passion, instead of following the example of more juvenile scribblers, by expatiating on its pleasures, you will throw down my letter in a pet. But I shall not let this deter me from following my intended plan, and endeavouring to convince you that there cannot be a more critical period in the whole course of your lives, than that in which you are surrounded by lovers; nor can there be any thing of more dangerous tendency than a young woman suffering a lover to approach her [Page 49] in a clandestine manner, or encourage addresses which she has any reason to think her parents or friends would disapprove; such a conduct is generally attended with disagreeable consequences.
I have a collection of letters in my possession, which I think might well be termed a school for lovers, and will, I am certain, be of more effect in convincing you of the impropriety of clandestine marriages, than a whole sheet of dull precepts. I have sent them for your perusal, and by way of preface, shall give you an account of the means by which I became possessed of them.
A favourite servant of your grand-mother a who had been my nurse, had married a reputable tradesman, but, through unavoidable misfortunes, they were reduced, and the husband thrown into prison. Martha lived in an obscure lodging, and had been for some months extremely ill. My lady encouraged me in going to see her, and carrying her little presents.
One day my lady was gone out to dinner, the servants were all in the kitchen, and I took that opportunity of going out unobserved to visit Martha. Charmed with the idea of going by myself (for I usually had a servant with me) I tripped nimbly along, in my way laying out my whole stock of pocket money, which amounted to five [Page 50] shillings, in tea, sugar and biscuits, for my nurse. As I went up stairs to Martha's apartment, I observed in a small back room, the door of which was taken off the hinges, a tall well-made man, in an old rusty black coat, his face pale and meagre, his arms folded upon his bosom, his eyes fixed seemingly on the floor, but instead of the vacant inanimate stare, there was a mixture of hornor and despair depicted in them. Curiosity prompted me to draw near the door of the room; at the farther and, on a bundle of straw, the only furniture the wretched apartment afforded, sat a woman, whose features told she had once been lovely; on her lap lay an infant asleep, beside her sat a fine boy, who, with a piteous accent was asking for bread; the woman paid no attention to his entreaties, but with her eyes fixed on the youngest child, appeared like misery personified. Young as I was, I felt my heart greatly afflicted at this scene, and running hastily up stairs into Martha's room, unable to articulate a word, I burst into tears. Martha astonished at the agony I was in, tenderly inquired the cause. I told her what I had seen. "Alas! my dear child," said she, "those people are in more distress than it is possible for you to conceive; they have lodged in this house about six weeks, in which time I am certain they have had nothing to support themselves and children but what they could raise from the sale of a few cloaths; they are now a fortnight [Page 51] in arrears for rent, and the inhuman landlord has taken the door off the hinges, and the windows out of the frames, to oblige them to quit the apartment. Alas, poor souls, they have no means of procuring another shelter from nocturnal dews, when they relinguish this. I have not seen him stir out these two days past, and am apt to think in that time they have had no food except a slice of bread and meat which I gave the eldest child yesterday.
How at that moment did I regret my money being all spent, five shillings appeared to me a fortune, which might preserve these unfortunate people; however, I had not even a single halfpenny, nor could I bear the thought of taking from Martha any part of what I had given her. I therefore hastily bade her good bye, and flew rather than walked home, inquired for the house-keeper, related the afflicting situation of the family, and requested the loan of half a guinea. The housekeeper was an unfeeling, mercenary woman, she never heard a tale of distress but she imagined it fictitious, nor would she ever bestow any relief, lest the object relieved should be an impostor. She refused my request. I then had recourse to the nursery maid, but could borrow no more than one shilling.
With this trifle I eagerly returned to the poor [Page 52] sufferers, entered the apartment, and under pretence of kissing the infant, dropped the shilling into the mother's lap. The exclamation which broke from her, when she saw the money, convinced me she was a foreigner; and the demeanour of the man was vastly above the common rank of people.
Unfortunately my Lady did not return from her visit till after supper, so that I was not permitted to set up to see her; but though I retired to bed I could not sleep, my mind had been too much agitated, and the starving family had left such an impression on it, that the moment I closed my eyes they were present to my imagination. Early in the morning I stole to Lady Winworth's chamber, told my little story, and on my knees intreated some money to carry to them.
Her Ladyship, though from infancy nursed in the lap of ease and affluence, had an heart overflowing with compassion towards her suffering fellow-creatures; she gave me two guineas, and ordered the footman immediately to attend me.
I cannot describe the joy that expanded my heart as I proceeded to G— Street. The master of the house was just risen, and was opening his shop. I asked for the foreign gentleman. Gentleman, returned he with a sneer, the French [Page 53] beggar I suppose you mean, I don't know where he is, I turned them out last night; people who cannot afford to pay for their lodgings, must lay where and how they can. Cruel inhuman wretch, said I, and turned from him with every mark of abhorrence.
It was yet early, the morning was inviting, and I thought a walk in the fields might cheer me after my recent disappointment; however, I previously determined every inquiry should be made after the poor foreigner and his family.
Crossing a field in the vicinity of Mary-lebon, the voice of a child crying caught my ear, I turned my head, and saw at a little distance, seated on a log of wood, the very person I had been seeking, one child was in his arms, the other stood by him, his wife lay on the ground. I ran to him, spoke to him, bade him take hope, and put the two guineas in his hand—he looked at the money, then at me. Angel of mercy, said he, with a deep sigh, it is too late, my Agnes has left me. I saw his intellects were disordered and shuddered with horror. Thinking the wife would be better able to take care of the money, I stooped in order to awaken her—I called her, she moved not—I took hold of her hand, it was dreadfully cold; she is in a sit, said I, and raised her head upon my knee, Never, oh! never, [Page 54] my beloved girls, will the spectacle that presented itself to my eyes, be banished from my memory. Her eyes were partly closed, her mouth half open, her lips black—Death had that night released her from a world of misery. I shrieked and fainted. When I recovered I found myself in my dear Lady's arms, who told me, the body of the poor young woman was taken care of, that the man was quite distracted and entirely unable to give any account of himself, though from an unfinished letter, addressed to the Marchioness Savillion, which was found in the woman's pocket they had reason to suppose they were of a good family.
The man survived his wife but a few days, my Lady took care of the children.
About six months after I was sent to a convent near Paris, in order to finish my education, and perfect myself in the French language. Among a number of boarders who resided at the convent, I was particularly noticed by one, who was distinguished by the title of St. Augustina; she was of a weakly constitution, and often confined to her bed, when she was always pleased if I would work or read beside her. One day she gave me her keys, and desired me to unlock a cabinet and take out a curious piece of needlework which she said had been executed by a once [Page 55] loved friend. As I took the work from the drawer, a miniature picture attracted my notice; methought I knew the features; I took it up to examine it more minutely, and immediately recollected the interesting countenance of the unfortunate Agnes. Upon inquiry I found I was right in my conjecture; St. Augustina was the Marchioness Savillion, whom Lady Winworth had made numerous fruitless inquiries after. She had been the friend and companion of Agnes, but had married and left the convent where they both boarded just before that young lady, and her last pathetic letters never reached her till it was too late to administer relief; the Marchioness had since lost her husband and two fine children, by fire, which accident had so impaired her health and depressed her spirits, that she had retired from the world, and meant to spend the remainder of her days in the convent where she had passed her youth. She shewed me all Agnes's letters, and before I left France suffered me to take copies of them.
LETTER I. AGNES TO THE MARCHIONESS.
WHY have you left me, my Augustina, why are you away at the moment I most want your advice?—Selfish Agnes, methinks I hear [Page 56] you say, to regret the happiness of your friend, because it interferes with your own. Oh! no, I do not regret your felicity, my sweet friend, I rejoice, I exult in the reflection that you are for ever exempt from the pangs which at present rive the heart of the wretched Agnes.
You ever knew the aversion and horror that seized my heart when I reflected on the intended union between myself and the Count de la Rue. Alas! my Augustina, the time approaches when that aversion will become a crime, and yet I feel it every day increase. Shall I own to the sympathizing bosom of friendship, that my heart has made its election, and that election has not fallen on the man for whom my parents have designed me. I know you will blame me, I know you will bid me endeavour to conquer my growing passion, and call in reason to my assistance. Alas! what power has reason over the heart torn by contending passions? Duty bids me stifle my sighs, and bend my thoughts and wishes towards the Count, love triumphs over duty, and I can only think of Vieurville.
The day after you left our convent, Madamoiselle Vieurville requested me to attend her to the parlour, where her brother and lover waited to see her. "You must go, Agnes, said she, or my brother will be quite at a loss how to amuse [Page 57] himself, while I converse with Montrose." I was easily persuaded, and on entering the parlour, was struck with the noble mein and elegant manner of young Vieurville; we chatted for some time on indifferent subjects, his vivacity and wit, (through which it was easy to discover a fund of good sense) delighted me, and when I retired with Mademoiselle, I could not help expressing my admiration; he is a charming young man indeed, said she, and had I not known that you were on the point of marriage, I should not have ventured to introduce him to you, for fear you might lose your heart; for you must know (continued she, paying no regard to the visible emotion which I am certain agitated my features) that Louis is to be married the same day that I am, to a beautiful Spanish lady, who is expected in Paris next month. Has he ever seen his intended bride? said I, affecting indifference. Oh! no, she replied, but if Donna Clara be but half as lovely as her picture represents her, he must inevitably fall in love. It is odd, said I, that he should consent to marry a woman he has never seen. I dare say it appears so to you, replied Mademoiselle, but when I shall tell you how it came about, your wonder will cease.
My mother was the only daughter of an ancient wealthy Spanish family, and eloped with my father [Page 58] from a convent, where she was placed for education. The match was very unequal; her father was irreconcilably offended, and would never suffer her to be named in his presence.
My mother was tenderly beloved by her brother, who, at the old nobleman's decease, paid her a handsome fortune, and vowed their families should ever live in the strictest amity.
My uncle was married to a woman of whom he was passionately fond, and when, in giving birth to Donna Clara, she departed this world, he took a solemn oath that no other woman should ever supply her place, but that the whole of his future life should be devoted to the care of his daughter. My mother at that time lying in of a son, the two infants were contracted to each other, and my brother, at his uncle's decease, is to inherit the estate and titles devolving to him from his grandfather. My uncle is expected to bring his daughter to Paris this winter, when the marriage is to be completed, and I shall be delivered from this horrid convent.
I cannot describe my feelings during Mademoiselle's recital. I know not what could be the cause of my agitation, but I could hardly restrain my tears, while I remained in her apartment. When I retired, I began to take my heart to task, [Page 59] and determined to repel a rising passion, which had thus suddenly taken possession of it: I forebore making any comparison between my intended Lord and young Vieurville, and determined never to see the latter again; but the next morning vanquished these good resolutions.
I was but just arisen, when one of the lay-sisters informed me a gentleman requested a few moments conversation. Imagining it to be either the Count, or some messenger from my father, I repaired without hesitation to the parlour. Judge of my surprise when I found myself in the presence of Monsieur Vieurville. Supposing the nun had made a mistake in calling mé instead of Mademoiselle, his sister, I was going to retire, when he intreated me to stop, assured me there was no mistake, and taking my hand, led me to a chair, and seated himself beside me.
I come, dearest Madam, said he, to entreat a few moments serious attention from you, and a candid answer to a question, which though abrupt in its nature, yet from the circumstances which we both at present are in, demands an explicit reply. My sister has informed me, that your parents design you for the wife of Count de la Rue; however presumptuous the supposition may be, I cannot imagine your heart has any interest in the intended union. My heart, Sir, [Page 60] replied I, will ever follow the dictates of duty, and rejoice in ratifying any engagement which I am certain will give my parents so much pleasure.
But was that heart left to make its free choice, would it then have selected the Count as the object of its dearest affection?
I know not, Monsieur, what authority you have to make these enquiries, nor do I think myself obliged to answer them.
I rose to quit the parlour—lovely Agnes, said he, catching my hand, I know I have been abrupt, but let my situation plead my excuse. You no doubt have heard from my sister, that I am designed the husband of a woman I have never seen; till yesterday I ever believed my heart unsusceptible of the power of beauty, and imagined I might be as happy with Donna Clara as any other woman, but I am now convinced, that indifference only proceeded from the want of a proper object to call forth the affections of my heart. I have seen the lovely object who has that power, I feel my bosom glow with new and unutterable sensations, and though I would have married Clara had I continued in a state of indifference; I will never wed her now, my heart is firmly attached to another. You, adorable Agnes, are the only [Page 61] woman who ever gave my heart a single pain, or taught it to throb with rapture; if your affections are already engaged, I will condemn myself to eternal silence, but if you will grant me one ray of hope that you are not altogether indifferent to my suit, the world shall not tempt me to enter into any engagement with Donna Clara.
Oh! my beloved Augustina, at that moment reason, honour, fortitude, forsook me, enchanted with the convincing proof he offered to give me of inviolable attachment, I suffered him to perceive my partiality. I thought not on the irreparable injury I should do Vieurville's family, I forgot the duty I owed my parents, the respect I owed myself, and confessed that he alone was the master of my affections.
I see your anger, my dear friend, I hear you blame my imprudence; shall I lose your friendship, Augustina, will you chase the imprudent Agnes from your bosom! Alas! If you do, where will she find another resting place? The thought overpowers me, I can write no more.
LETTER II. FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME.
I ACKNOWLEDGE your reproof, I see my error, but I have not power to renounce it. You bid me exert my fortitude; I have no fortitude, my friend, it all forsook me when I was parted from Augustina, what little I ever possessed was but a gentle spark of virtue caught from her bosom. I am nothing of myself, a feather, an atom of thistledown is heavy when weighed against the stability of Agnes. Donna Clara is arrived, and Vieurville has refused to fulfil the engagements his father had entered into; his sister suspects the cause, I have lost her friendship, I have endured her reproaches; yes, my friend Agnes de Romani has subjected herself to reproach, and conscious that she deserved it, received it in passive silence, nor dared to vent her full heart in aught but tears. Oh! Augustina, how am I fallen! I have this morning received a summons to return home; to-morrow I leave the convent, to-morrow I bid adieu to Vieurville. I am expected to receive the hand of the Count—'tis a vain hope, I am determined to refuse him—I cannot be the wife of Vieurville, I will never be the wife of another—my grave would be a welcomer bridal bed, than [Page 63] to share a diadem with De la Rue. Augustina, pity me, but do not hate me.
LETTER III.
I HAVE refused him. I have borne a father's anger, a mother's tears, but still continue resolute. Alas! Augustina, how easy is it to assume courage and fortitude when the heart is interested. Methinks for Vieurville I could bear, without complaining, the heaviest ills to which human nature is subject.
My father has just lest me, he has offered the Count my younger sister Theodora, he has accepted her, and I am to take the veil, and give up my fortune in return for this condescension, I have consented with alacrity. Oh Vieurville, what a sacrifice I make for you. To-morrow I return to the convent, and enter on my novitiate. Augustina, pity me, pray for me, and, if you can forget her errors, still love your
LETTER IV.
EIGHT months of my novitiate is past, and I have never heard of Vieurville. But what is Vieurville to me? Am I not going to renounce the world and all its pleasures; am I not going to devote my future life to my maker? Augustina, are not my thoughts free, and though my body is immured within the walls of a cloister, may not my fancy wander, free as air, to Vieurville. Oh! the tortures of suspence! Could I but know where he was, could I but be satisfied he still remembers Agnes, methinks I could be content. Write to me, my friend, endeavour to calm my mind; tell me, Augustina, when I have thrown off the trappings which mark a child of vanity, will not sweet peace inhabit my bosom, when simplicity has attired my person? And when the irrevocable vow has past my lips, will not my perturbed spirits be hushed to rest, and all my soul be rapt in religious harmony. Oh! no, no, my sweet friend, the massy doors that close on us poor captives, cannot shut out the busy meddling passions, or stifle the feelings we receive from nature. The simplicity of our habit is not an index of the purity of our mind, nor is the kneeling posture, or lifted eye, true indications of the fervor of religion! Augustina, [Page 65] hypocrisy may dwell in a convent, so may love, hatred, jealousy, and despair. And is an heart agitated by these contending passions, a sit sacrifice to be offered at the throne of grace? Will not your Agnes be the worst of hypocrites, to vow eternal love and faith to her Maker, when her whole soul is absorbed in a passion for a frail mortal!
I know I distress you, my friend, Oh! pardon the wretched Agnes, if with her complaining she sometimes dashes with bitter the cup which overflows with blessings; if you refuse to hear my complaints, where shall the unhappy Agnes seek for compassion—hadst thou never left me I should not have been the wretch I am.
Adieu. May every blessing heaven can bestow, or you desire, be your portion, prays the lost
LETTER V.
AUGUSTINA, you will tremble when you receive this, you will think it a meritorious act to drive from your heart the remembrance of Agnes de Romani; but if thou hast any remaining gleam of compassion in thy gentle bosom, [Page 66] oh give it way, renounce not thy unhappy friend, but chear her with one forgiving line.
I have seen Vieurville, I have forfeited my vows, left the convent, and become a fugitive and an exile, my brain is distracted when I think what I have suffered this last fourteen days, nor can all my husband's tenderness soothe me. My pulse throbs, my veins are scorched with heat—I must throw aside my pen, my eyes are dim. Augustina, thy dying friend lifts up her soul in prayers for thy happiness.
After three weeks being confined to my bed, I am at length permitted to address the compassionate friend of my youth. Raised from the confines of the grave, I once more pour forth my soul into the bosom of Augustina. I will now attempt to give you some regular account of the proceedings of last month. Alas! my friend, my heart will bleed afresh as I trace the painful scenes, painful they will ever be to my remembrance, for I have drawn inevitable ruin on the man my soul doated on.
As I had never heard any tidings of Vieurville, from the time I was taken from the convent, with a design of being married to the Count, till within three days of the time when my novitiate was expired, I began to look on my profession as [Page 67] inevitable, and endeavoured to bring myself to think of it with calmness, but still corroding thoughts would sometimes intrude, and overturn my best resolutions. My only wish was to hear whether Vieurville was alive or dead, or whether he was married to my rival; but these were particulars I was never able to discover, as his father and family had quitted Paris soon after my return to the convent.
There remained but three days now before I was to take the veil, and I endeavoured to fortify my mind against the awful day, with every argument reason or religion could supply. I was busy in reflecting on the change a few short hours would make, when one of our boarders asked me to accompany her to the grate; I complied, and we amused ourselves sometime in chatting to two English ladies, who were in the parlour; the ladies were just preparing to leave the convent, when a violent ringing at the gate alarmed us; the portress ran to open it, and in a moment Vieurville rushed into the parlour. I know not what I said or whether I spoke at all—a sudden mist obscured my sight and I fell to the ground; when I recovered, my friend, the boarder, told me, that seeing the impetuosity of my lover, she had advised him to leave the convent, and if he had any thing particular to communicate, to do it by letter, and inclose it to her. Her friendly [Page 68] soothing greatly contributed to calm my spirits, and as none of the sisterhood had seen Vieurville, they all remained ignorant of the interview.
In about three hours I received a letter, in which he told me, nothing but absolute force should so long have kept him from me; that he had been detained in Spain by various stratagems, but having at last eluded the vigilance of his guards, he hurried to Paris, where he presently learnt the sacrifice I was about to make, he urged my leaving the convent and being united to him by the most indissoluble bonds; and said, he made no doubt but my father would be easily led to forgive us. I shewed the letter to my young friend, she joined the persuasions of Vieurville, and said she would undertake to manage my escape on the very morning on which I was to become profest.
I wrote to my dear Vieurville, and my friend enclosed it in one from herself, directing him in what manner to proceed. That very evening Edella, (which was the name of my friend) was seized with a violent indisposition, which would have made a dupe of even me, had I not been in the secret. She continued ill all night, and the next day when she desired the abbess to send to a relation she had about seven miles from Paris, requesting she would send her coach for her the [Page 69] ensuing morning at eleven o'clock, as she thought a few days spent in the country, would be of infinite service to her. Vieurville was ordered to send a carriage at nine, and it being the last morning of my novitiate, I desired not be disturbed till it was time for me to enter the chapel. This request I knew would be complied with, as it would be supposed, I wished for time for meditation. Accordingly I early left my cell, and going to Edella's apartment, dressed myself in some of her cloaths, and put on a long black hood which would pull over the face; thus attired, I waited anxiously for a ring at the gate and guessing it was the coach, hurried down stairs, and so prevented the portress from coming up to call Edella. I met several of the nuns as I passed from her apartment to the door, but they neither spoke to me, nor attempted to stop me. I got out of the convent unsuspected, and in less than an hour was in a place of safety, where a priest immediately united me to my dear Vieurville. My first desire was that we should fly to my father for his protection, intreat his pardon and blessing, and through his intercession be again received into the church, from whence I was certain we should be excommunicated. It was midnight when I arrived at my father's, he had been returned from Paris near four hours, whither he had rapaired to see me take the veil, and was then, overcome with fatigue and disappointment, just retired to [Page 70] rest. I would not permit the servant to inform his master that I was come home, but following him up stairs, threw myself on my knees by his bed-side. He started at seeing me, fury flashed from his eyes, and grasping my hand with violence, he cried, Agnes, ungrateful girl, why are you here? With tremulous accents, I in a few words told him I was married, and intreated his pardon and friendship.
Oh! never shall I forget his answer, twas awful, 'twas more than nature could support. He spurned me from him, he cursed me, and imprecated the wrath of heaven on his head if ever he forgave me. "I will not, said he, precipitate your impending fate, by betraying you to the ecclesiastical powers; go hasten to leave France, and if you can be happy oppressed by the weight of a father's curse, may you be so!—Hence, begone, you offend my sight."
Vieurville forced me out of the room. During the time of my petitioning for pardon, my mother had arose, she followed me down stairs, blessed me, and promised to use her interest with my father, to effect a reconciliation. She gave me all the cash she possessed and some jewels that had been presented me by a relation. When I embraced her for the last time, it seemed like rending soul and body asunder; but hope, that sweet [Page 71] soother of the human mind, bore me up, and I flattered myself we should one day meet again.
When we left my father's house, we set forward immediately for Calais, and from thence embarked for Dover, where, overcome by agitation and fatigue, I was seized with a sever which brought me to the verge of the grave. During my illness Vieurville wrote to his father, and we now anxiously await the arrival of an answer. Oh! may it be propitious, but my sad heart presages I shall never more know happiness: For myself, I could have borne it patiently, but when I think I have involved my dear Vieurville in misery, my brain sickens and almost madness ensues.
My dearest Augustina, if you do not resolve to hate me, by one kind line convey some gleam of comfort to the agonizing heart of.
LETTER VI.
WHEN will my portion of misery be full, when shall I say there is 'no more to suffer. When I am laid in the silent grave, when my eyes close on this world and open to immortality, then Augustina may say, Agnes is at peace!
[Page 72] Though I have not received a line from your once friendly hand, I still think you have not forgotten me, and having no other prop whereon to lean, I still pour forth my sorrows to you. My mother, my only friend, is torn from me, and I have the additional misery of thinking my disobedience precipitated her end; she drooped from the day I left France, and her confidential servant informed me, her last breath was spent in intreating my father to pardon me, but he was inexorable.
Vieurville has received an answer from his father; but, oh! my Augustina, what killing lines did it contain. Donna Clara had conceived a passion for her cousin, and from the time of his leaving Spain, fell into a profound melancholy, and when she heard of his marriage, the agitation of her spirits became too much for her weak frame to support, and a rapid decline carried her an early victim to the grave. Vieurville is disinherited, disowned, and loaded with a father's anger; but will you believe it, my friend, he still loves the woman who has brought those misfortunes upon him; but that love, that warm mutual affection that subsists between us serves only to heighten our misery—for oh! what torture can compare to that of seeing the object we love overwhelmed with distress we have not the power to mitigate?—
[Page 73] I am a mother, Augustina, but far from feeling transport when clasping my infant to my heart, methinks his innocent eyes reproach me with bringing him into the world, when his only birth-right is wretchedness. Poverty, with haggard countenance, and famine, with cold griping hand, have taken up their abode in our dwelling. Must I write it, must the daughter of de Romani tell her friend, she is in want of almost the common necessaries of life!—Oh! bitter reflection, hard, hard task, Agnes must solicit charity of her friend Augustina!—And, alas! my friend, unless relief comes soon, we must perish! for in this strange land what can we do? We cannot work, and (notwithstanding the known humanity of the British nation) we are ashamed to beg.
Oh! how blind are the dictates of passion! how erroneous are its judgments! may none of my sex henceforth listen to its delusive arguments, but by adhering to the precepts of reason, avoid the miseries of.
LETTER VII.
IF ever this reaches the hand of my everloved Augustina Savillion, enquire for my children, and be to them a mother; intreat the Marquis to take them under his protection, for a few short days will render them orphans. We have passed from one degree of wretchedness to another, till a bundle of straw, a dry crust, and a few rags that cover our emaciated frames, are the whole of our worldly possessions, and to encrease my affliction, six weeks since I brought into the world another child of sorrow.
Gracious heaven! could words convey to my Augustina the extent of my misery, could she but for a moment, even in idea, experience my sufferings;—but may the beneficent power that rules the world avert from her even the shadow of such afflictions, may my bitterest enemy never experience the pangs that at present harrow up my soul.
I am a mother, I hear the darling of my heart, the child of my bosom asking for food, and have it not to give him. I am a wife, and see my adored, my almost idolized husband, sinking under the complicated evils of famine, [Page 75] grief and sickness, yet have neither comfort or consolations to offer. Let the wife, the mother, judge of my tortures, they are agonies that may be felt, but cannot be described.
Augustina, this is the last time I shall ever address you; this night the wretched Agnes must lay her head upon the earth, with no canopy but the skies. Oh! my children, Oh! my beloved Vieurville, thy mother, thy wife has murdered thee.
Adieu. If thou hast any children, tell them my story, and teach them to subdue their passions. We are incompetent judges of what will promote our own happiness. Oh! that I had never—
Here the unfortunate Agnes breaks off, this was the letter found in her pocket, and in all probability was written the day before her death.
To attempt a comment on this story would be an insult to your snderstandings; I shall therefore leave you to make your own reflections, and wishing you every happiness, throw aside my pen. Adieu, I need not tell you how much I am your friend,
The author cannot help here remarking, that as this story is authentic and not the offspring of fancy, she hopes it will make a lasting impression on the minds of her fair readers.