YOU have been infi­nitely advantaged by your Education in the University, which will have a perpetual good Effect upon you, and give you Lustre in the Eyes of the World: But that you may be further Useful and Accept­able to Mankind, you must pare off something you have contracted there, and add also to your own Stores from Observation and Experience, [Page 2] a way of Learning as far be­yond that by Precept, as the Knowledge of a Traveller exceeds that which is gotten by the Map.

An Ackademick Life is an Horizon between two Worlds, for men enter upon it Chil­dren, and as such they must judge and act, though with Difference according to their own Pregnancy, the Ingenuity of their Teachers, and the manner of their being taught; and when they pass from thence, they launch into a New World, their Passions at high Water, and full of them­selves, as Young Men are wont to be, and such as are dipt in unusual Learning, [Page 3] and if they go on so, they are lost: Besides that, there is a Husk and Shell that grows up with the Learning they acquired, which they must throw away, caused, perchance, by the Childish­ness of their State, or Forma­lities of the Place, or the Ruggedness of Retirement, the not considering of which hath made many a great Scholar unserviceable to the World.

To propound many Rules for the manage of your self, were to refer you back to the Book again, and there is even a Native Discretion that some are endowed with, which defends them from [Page 4] gross Absurdities in Conver­sation, though there be none but may be helped by some Admonitions.

I suppose you understand the nature of Habits and Pas­sions: I suppose you likewise what I know you to be, viz. To be Advisable, Observant and of a sedate Temper; Therefore you will be suffi­ciently instructed with a few Intimations: For he that reflects upon himself, and considers his Passions, and accommodates himself to the World, cannot need many Directions. I suppose you also to be principl'd with Re­ligion and Morality, which is to be valued before any [Page 5] Learning, and is an ease and pleasure to the Mind, and always secures a firm Repu­tation, let the World be never so Wicked. No man ever gains a Reverence for his Vice, but Virtue commands it. Vi­cious Men indeed have been Popular, but never for being so, but for their Virtues annexed: They administer their Imployments well and wisely, They are civil and obliging, They are free and magnanimous, They are faith­ful and couragious. It is al­ways some brave Thing that recommends them to the good Opinion of the World.

The Advices I here lay down are rather Negative than [Page 6] Positive; For though I can­not direct you where you are to fail throughout your whole Course, yet I may safely shew you where you must not split your self.

And the first Rock I dis­cover, on which Young Scho­lars shipwrack themselves, is vaunting of the Persons and Places concerned in their Edu­cation. I therefore advise you to be sparing in your Commendations of your Uni­versity, Colledge, Tutor, or the Doctor you most there admire; for either all is taken for granted, or you only be­tray your Affection and Par­tialty, or you impose your Judgment for a Standard to [Page 7] others: You discover what you think, not what they are. An early kindness may make you as blind as an unjust Pre­judice, and others will smile to see you confident of that which it may be, they know they can confute. This holds in all kinds of Commendations, which should be modest and moderate, Not Unseasonable, not Unsuitable, not Hyperbo­lical; for an Excess here creates Envy to the Person extoll'd, and is a virtual De­traction from others you con­verse with, and your own Understanding is measured by it. Nay, it is a presumption in some to commend at all; for he that praises another, would [Page 8] have him valued upon his own Judgment.

Therefore it is a Disparage­ment to be commended by a Fool, except he concurs with the Vogue, or speaks from the Mouth of another; you must indeed, when you speak of mens Persons (which with­out provocation should never be) represent them candidly and fairly, and you are bound to give your Friend his due Elogy, when his Fame is con­cerned, or you are required to do it, or may do him a kind­ness in it. But remember, that when you give a Person a particular Character, it re­ceives its estimate from your [Page 9] Wisdom, be Temperate there­fore as well as Just.

When you come into Com­pany, be not forward to show your Proficiency, nor impose your Academical Discourses, nor glitter affectedly in Terms of Art, which is a vanity indesent to Young Men that have Confidence, and hear of Tem­per. Nor on the other hand must you be morose or difficult to give an Account of your self to Inquisitive or Learned Men; let your Answers be direct and concise. It is both your Wisdom and your Kind­ness to come to the point at first, only in Conferences or Debates, speak not all you have to say at once, in an [Page 10] entire Harangue, but suffer your self to be broached by degrees, and keep an Argument for reserve. What you say at first may perhaps give Satisfaction, however you gain Respite for Recollection; and when all is out at last you will be thought to have more in store.

And because the Mouth is the Fountain of our Weal or Wo, and it is the greatest In­stance of Prudence to rule that little Member, the Tongue, and he indeed is a Perfect Man that offends not in a word; for all our Follies and Passions are let out that way. There are many things to be observed in the managing of Discourse, I only say in general, That you [Page 11] must not speak with Heat and Violence, nor with Reflection upon mens Persons, nor with Vanity and Self-praise. No Man therefore should be his own Historian, that is, Talk of his own Feats, his Travels, his Conferences with great Men; &c nor boast of his Descent and Alliance, nor recount his Treasure, or the manage of his Estate, all which wearies out the greatest Patience, and without a Provocation expresses an intollerable Vanity and im­plyes a believing that others are affected and concerned in these things as much as him­self. The like weakness is in talking of ones Trade or Pro­fession to those that neither [Page 12] mind nor understand it. In­deed, if the Company be all of one piece, their debating any thing that relates to all, may be Useful; but it is imperti­nent in mixt Company to be­tray your Skill or Inclination. In like manner, he is not to be brook't, that over a Glass of Wine will turn States-man or Divine, perplex good Fellows with Intreagues of Government, Cases of Conscience, or School Controversies. which are too serious and too sacred to be the Subjects of Common Talk. Let no Mans Vice be your Theam, nor your Friends, because you love him; not your Enemy's, because he is so, and in you it will be expounded Partiality [Page 13] and Revenge; not of any other, because you are certainly unconcerned in him, and may possibly be mistaken of him.

Let not the Lapses or ridi­culous Accidents or Behaviours of Men in Drink, or in Love be taken Notice of after, or upbraided to them in jest or earnest; for no man loves to have his Folly remembred, nor to have the consequence of Wine or Passion imputed to him; and he cannot but like you worse, if he finds they have left an Impression upon you. Every Mans Fault should be every Mans Secret, as he sins doubly that publishes his own shame, for he adds scandal to the sin, so does every Man in­crease [Page 14] the Scandal that is the propogator of it.

When you carve out Dis­course for others, let your Choice be rather of Things than of Persons of Historical matters, rather than the present Age, of things distant & remote, rather than at Home, and of your Neighbours; and do not, after all these Restrictions, fear want of Discourse; for there is no­thing in the World but you may speak of it Usefully or Pleasantly. Everything (says Herbert) is big with jest, and has Wit in it, if you can find it out.

As for Behaviour, that is certainly best, which best ex­presses the Sincerity of your [Page 15] heart. I think this Rule fails not, that that kind of Conver­sation that lets men into your Soul, to see the goodness of your Nature, and Integrity of your Mind is most accept­able; for be assured, every man loves another for his Honesty; To this every Knave pretends, and with the show of this he deceives; nay, the sensual love of bad men is founded upon this. Nothing loves a Body but for a Soul, nor a Soul, but for such a Dis­position as answers to that Idea of goodness which is in the Mind.

This is that, that reconciles you to some men at the first congress; for usually you read [Page 16] mens Souls in their faces, if they be young & uncorrupted, and you forever decline some Countenances which seem to declare, that some Vice or Pas­sion has the predominacy; and though sometimes you are deceived yet you persist in your pre-possession till the behaviour doth signally confute what the Countenance did threaten.

This makes a starcht formal Behaviour Odious, because it is forced, and unnatural, and assum'd as a disguise and suf­fers not the Soul to shine clear­ly and freely through the out­ward Actions.

First then, your Actions must discover you to be your own Master; for he is a miser­able [Page 17] Slave that is under the Tyranny of his Passions: And that Fountain teeming pair, Lust and Rage must especially be subdued.

That of Love (to give it the milder Name) so far as it is vitious, I take to be seated principally in the Fancy, and there you must apply your Cure; for I ascribe its vehe­mence not so much to the Con­stitution as to the pampering the Body, and mens letting loose their Eyes, Tongues and Imaginations upon amorous Incentives, and not keeping a sence and awe of Religion upon them. For if you live in an Age and Place where Shame and civil Penalties have no [Page 18] force, you must have recourse to Religous means, and the Grace of God for Restraint. L [...]st is more distinctly forbidden by our Christianity, than any other thing; therefore it ought more sacredly to be avoided.

If you grow Troublesom to your self, in Gods name make use of that honourable Remedy he has provided; and in the intrim, if you can allay your Fancy, and keep your Incli­nations undetermined, I think a promisen us Conversation is the safest; for many that have lived in the Shade and Retire­ment, when they came abroad were ruined by doting on the first Thing they met with. And [Page 19] this is oft the effect of Distance and Caution.

The other spring of Mis­chief is Anger, which usually flames out from an unnamed Pride and want of Manners, and many other untollerable In­firmities, so that there is no living in the world without quenching it, for it will render you both Troublesom and Ridi­culous, and you shall be avoid­ed by all, like a Beast of Prey. The Stoicks pretend to be successful Eradicators of this Passion, and their Books may be usefully read for Taming it. But themselves have retained many ill humors behind, which are worse than a transient Rage, and are most abhorrent from [Page 20] all Society, as Moroseness, Fa­stidious Contempt of others, Pee­vishness Caption, Scurrility, Willfulness, &c. Which issue from some Tempers and some Principles which men are apt to suck in, to feed their natu­ral Dispositions with; where­as the World is not to be en­tertained with Frowns and dark Looks. Be as severe ad intra as you will, but be wholly complaisant ad extra, and let not your strictness to your self make you censorious and Uneasie to others; thus many mortified men have been very Unruly, to the great scan­dal of what they professed.

Avoid therefore going to Law at your first setting out, [Page 21] for that will teach you to be litigious before your temper is well fixed, and will contract an habit of wrangling with your Neighbours, and at last delight in it, like a Sophister, with ar­guing in the Schools: You may observe many who have entered upon entangled Estates to become Vexatious, and have quite lost the Debonariness of their Dispositions.

Be always mild and easie to those that are about you, your Relations & Servants, not only for their fakes, but your own. If you be displeased at every Piccodillo, you will become habitually Froward, which you cannot put off when you ap­pear abroad. And remember [Page 22] that if you be easie top your self, you will so to every Body else, and you will be Wellcome every where.

This produces Comity and Affability, which is a great Or­nament of Behaviour; This argues you are well within, and that you are a Lover of Mankind. It is a Mixture made up of Civilities and Freedom, suited to the Condition of the Person you converse with, a quality as to Modes and Circumstances, we fetch from beyond the Seas; for the meer English-man is supposed to be defective in it; as being Rough in Address, not easily acquainted, and blunt even when he obliges; though I think it not worth [Page 23] the Charge the Gentleman is at, that travels for it; Nay, I am sorry for the poor Returns many make, that import hither the Air and Carriage, and As­surance of the French, therewith quitting their own staple na­tive Commodities of much greater Value, viz. the Sin­cerity and Generosity of the English Disposition. None is more melted with a Civility than an English-man, but he loves not you should be verbose & ceremonious in it; take heed therefore of over-acting your Civilities to men unconcerned in you, that must conclude you impertinent or designing. Free­dom is likewise acceptable, and a great advantage to a Con­verser. [Page 12] We commonly make make it the effect of Familarity, but it should be the cause of it; but Prudence must bound it and apply it. Be free when you speak, when you give, when you spend, & when you allow your Time and Company to your Friends, let nothing of Confine­ment, Formality or Difficulty be discerned. If you can do a kindness, do it at first, That is a double Obligation, and evidences that it was in your heart beforé it was suggested to you. The Return of Thanks will be but cold, if the obliged finds, that Impor­tunity, Necessity Or after Reason­ings did extort it from you.

If you would have an [Page 25] Interest where you live, there must be legible (in all your Actions) Justice in your dea­lings between man and man, this is the cheapest & the greatest Policy, and this alone will se­cure your Reputation with the Populo. And to this purpose I only advise Two Things.

1 st. You must be an exact keeper of your Word. A Promise is a Debt, which you should pay more carefully than a Bond, because your Honesty and Honour are the Security. Be punctual even in small matters, as meeting a Friend, restoring a Book, returning a Paper, &c. for failing in little thìngs will bring you to fail in great, and always render you [Page 26] Suspected, and you shall never be confided in, even when you mean most heartily.

2 dly, Have a special care of your Debts. I scarce know any that can always avoid contracting them, but he that neglects them is profligate, and undone, as to the World. If you would eat in quiet, never run in debt for what you daily consume: He that is necessitated to this, is the proper Object of an Alms. When you borrow, chuse rather a rich Creditor, and a great Debt, than many trifling Debts dispersed among poor People; a poor mans little Debt makes the greatest noise. Defer not therefore to pay Mechanicks, &c. their utmost Dues, [Page 27] for they are craving and cla­morous, & considér only your Condition in the world, not your present Exigence.

Prudence must be discernable in your Actions, as well as Justice, and that will appear in nothing more than in the Choice of Confidents and Depen­dents; Your most diffusive love to Mankind cannot be extend­ed very far, for the verge of your Knowledge is not, and need not be great: Out of Ac­quaintance you chuse Familiars, & out of these you pick Friends, but you must not expect them to be such as are described in Books, and talked of by Philo­sophers, that's a Romantick thing only to be found in Utopia or [Page 28] the New Atlantis: If any such are, they must be in a Monastry or Recess, where business and understanding are in a little compass: It is sufficient for you to find the effect of one such Friend in many. You may cull one out of each of those eminent Professions that you may be concerned in, and make them your Confidents in their several Sphears. You go not to a Lawyer for Physick, nor to a Merchant to be resolved in a case of Conscience, though both do love you and serve you in what they may.

Make no Man your Friend twice, except the Interruption was through your own Mis­take, and you have done pen­nance [Page 29] for it. Every Well-wisher is not capable of being made your Friend, nor every one that you think is honest and faithful; there must be a suit­ing your humor, and a mutual serviceableness and ability to give Advice and take it; and such a proportion of Temper as that he shall not, through vanity, or levity, or uncertainty betray himself o [...] you. He that is not stanch in preserving of Secrets cannot be a Friend, such is a Talkative Man, that uses his Mouth for a Sluce to let out all that's in him. This argues a great weakness in the Head; for a shallow Under­standing presently judges, and passes Sentence, and is Positive in it.

[Page 30] Never tell any man you have a Secret, but dare not tell it; you should either go further, or not have gone so far; and press no man Vehe­mently to keep concealed what you have committed to him; for that implyes you suspect what you have done, and that you diffide in his Prudence: It discovers your value of Things, and provokes him to Incontinence & breach of Trust; for there is an Itch in Man­kind to be greedy of those Fruits that are most zealously forbidden; and some Prohibi­tions do even excite desire.

Reservedness, by some, is accounted an Art and a Virtue, but I think it is a fault, and the [Page 31] symptom of a sullen or stupid Nature, and I know it to be Unwellcome to all Societies: I like a plain Communicative man, he is useful and acceptable to the World; and be assured, that a dark close reserved Man shall never have Friends, No man will take you into his heart, that cannot get into yours, let your Intentions be never so sincere. And I know not what a good man need be afraid of. if no hurt be in him, no hurt will come out of him.

It is true Open heartedness has a Latitude, and discretion must bound it, and assign its degrees, according to your kindness to them, or their near­ness to you; & none should see all within you, for it may be In­firmity, [Page 32] Vice or Discontent lies at the bottom. Nor is it fit to rush into Discourse before Superiors, This is a greater Rudeness than to deny them their Place and Respect. The like Reverence must be had to the Aged, and the most Expe­rienced, and such as speak out of their own Profession. Nei­ther would I have a man lie open to the Scrutinies and Pumpings of every Pragmatical Inquisitor: Such Assaults must be managed by Art. You must put by the Thrusts by slight, rather than Strength; for no force must be discerned in such cases: He that drolls best, evades best. But when a man demurs at an easie Que­stion, [Page 33] and is shie of speaking his Mind, and passes into ano­ther Shape, when the matter enquired for is common to all, or Prejudicial to none, and when he delivers any thing it must be received as a great secret, though not fit or worthy to be kept; It argues him weak and formal; and by his Rarities he lays up, you may guess at all his Closet.

From all this you may infer how far the reporting of News may be convenient. If you would be Popular, you must indulge this humor of Man­kind, though the Young man is not so much the Athenian in this as the Aged. If you live remote from the City, have [Page 34] all publick Occurrances as early as you can, you oblige your Neighbours by it, better than with the greatest Entertain­ment: Some are terrified from speaking what they hear, be­cause it is the Trade of Sediti­ous men to spread Rumors and false Reports, but I think there needs not such Caution, if what is related be some-what at distance, or a common concern, or not evil in it self, and hurts not the fame of others.

Tell no News to one that Pretends to be a States-man, and ask none from him; not the first, for he will seem to know it before, or be angry his In­telligence was no quicker; not the last, for he thinks secrecy [Page 35] becomes gim, and he loves not to be an Author.

You may guess mens Tem­pers by the strain of their In­telligence, Converse not there­fore with mutinous Dispositions; and be sure you represent the Actions of your Superiors Can­didly, as Peace, Charity and Obedience does oblige you. Let your Errors be always on the Right Hand; for every good Child is so far from exposing, that without beholding, he en­deavours to cover the Naked­ness of his Father.

It is the Method of Nature and all Common Wealths, that there be a Dependance of the lesser upon the greater, the weak upon the strong; there­fore [Page 36] if you aim at Imployments, you must lean upon some be­sides your own Virtue, and have Patrons and Assistants to advance you: I know no greater advantage for a Qua­lified Man than to stand in the way; for every man must let out his Affections upon some, and have his Creature, & that is chosen by Chance or Fancy. You see when Friends meet, their Presence does excite a Cheerfulness and Vivacity, with which they entertain one ano­ther, and this speaks their Sin­cerity, better any words they can utter. This holds propor­tionably in all degrees of Con­versation. Take notice there­fore of your first accosting any [Page 37] Person, he will be presently inclined to like or dislike, and he cannot but give some Indi­cations of it.

Observe then the Eye, rather than the Tongue, and apply not your self where you was at first discouraged, if the Circumstances of your Affair did not cause it: If you prove the Favourite of a great Man, desire not the Mo­nopoly of his Ear, for his Mis­adventures will be imputed to you, and what is well done, will be ascribed to himself.

Allow your self some time for Business every day; No man should be in the World, that has nothing to do in it; yet never proclaim your self very busie, for a little hint will serve any [Page 38] that is not much Impertinent; and the less busy you seem, the more you are admired, when your work is dispatched.

Recreation is as necessary as Business, which should be ra­ther of the Body than the Mind, because that suffers most in sedentary Imployments. In this you must have respect to the Place where you live, and Your Associates there. In some parts of this Kingdom many of the Gentry understand nothing beyond a Horse or a Dog, and can talk of nothing besides it; therefore if you be not a Hunts-man or a Faulkoner you cannot converse with them. Yet this is really better than [Page 39] the Effeminate Divertisements of the City,

Take heed of playing often Or deep at Dice and Games of Chance, for that is more charge­able than the seven deadly sins; Yet you may allow your self a certain easie Sum to spend at Play, to gratifie Friends, and pass over the Winter Nights, and that will make you indifferent for the Event. If you would read a mans Disposition, see him Game, you will then learn more of him in one hour, than in seven Years Conversation, and little Wagers will try him as soon as great Stakes, for then he is off his Guard. [Page 40] Equanimity at Play, which is not the effect of Use, argues a man Mannageable for any thing; He that Crows and Insults with Success, is Pas­sionate, and is usually the same that frets and quarrels at Misfortunes.

All Society is linked to­gether with some common thing that entertains them; Thus eating, and especially drinking is become the Liga­ment of Conversation. In this you are daily concerned in some degree, let this be with a visible Chearfullness and Pleasantness; for that is whol­som both for Body and Mind, as Physitians and Divines will [Page 41] inform you. It will make you Wellcome to all; and by this many accomplish their ends upon the World.

Be not over Critical about eating, for an Epicure is very Troublesom; though this Luxurious Age hath made it a piece of Learning, yet methinks 'tis much below a brave Man to be anxious for his Palate, and to have his Thoughts and Pleasures confined to a Dish of Meat. Judge rather for Health than Pleasure; and dis­quiet none with disparaging the Food, or Niceness about it; and be not much afraid of the un­wholsomness of what is set before you, except it be your [Page 42] constant Diet; for usually you see nothing but some will commend it; and our com­mon Tables furnish us with nothing that a temperate eater may not eat with safety.

Confine none when you drink to your Measures, and expect not that others should do as you do; 'tis both uncivil and unreasonable to impose on Company; nor yet must you seem to be under any Restraint by them, but be flexible to the Inclinations of the whole, and that with readiness. Every man should keep a stint, he that palliates it, is most plea­sant; yet if you publickly declare your Resolution not [Page 43] to Trespass beyond your Mea­sures, when you are found to command your self, you will not be sollicited any further. When you have come up to your Standard, recede silently, and do not magisterially oblige the Company to break up with you, much less stay to be an unconcern'd Spectator of their Levities; but give others the same liberty your self desires to take.

I might extend such kind of Observations to many other Subjects, but I must desist, begging your Pardon for play­ing the Dictator, and being so Dogmatical in what I utter. I know they will not fit all Men, [Page 44] nor do they pretend to cure all Faults, nor are they de­signed to express your Needs; but they may prevent Incon­veniencies, and help you to read Men, and discover where they fail, and let you see what Relishes with the World. They are obvious and easie in themselves; for Nice and Subtle Things do not guide Mankind, but plain and common Rules. And by Analogy, with these laid down, you may judge of other Mat­ters, as they Occur. And I cannot but acquaint you, that they are the Effect your Worthy, Father's Influence on me, who extending his Pa­ternal Care to all Circumstances [Page 45] for your good, engaged me (upon your quitting you▪ Accademical Station) to pro­pound to you some Directions concerning Conversation. And I have Pitcht upon such as are grounded on Virtue, yet tend to render you accept­able, even to the worst; and he has done me Honour in judging me capable of speak­ing to this Subject. If they accomplish not the Utmost I intended, at least, they will do no hurt, but discover my own private Sence, and be a Testimony of that Kindness which is owing to your Re­lations, by