MADRIGAL AND TRULLETTA.

A MOCK-TRAGEDY.

ACTED (Under the Direction of Mr. CIBBER) AT THE THEATRE-ROYAL IN COVENT-GARDEN.

WITH NOTES by the AUTHOR, and Dr. HUMBUG, Critick and Censor-General.

By J. REED.

Things unattempted yet in Prose or Rhyme. MILTON.

LONDON: Printed for W. REEVE, at Shakespear's Head, Fleet-Street. 1758.

[Price One Shilling and Six-pence.]

PREFACE.

AS I am under a necessity of giving a preface to the following work, I shall, in the language of our immortal countryman, imitate the ROMANS in brevity, as brevity is the soul of wit; and not be so studious of the necessary ornaments of stile, as of relating FACTS, with the unbiass'd integrity of a faithful and impartial historian. This I have thought fit to premise, that the reader may not imagine he is running over a jumble of facts and fiction; since it is but too common, with modern authors of the poetical cast, to lard their prefaces with a set of ingenious flourishes, which carry a greater air of rhodomontade than truth.

The following tragedy was originally written in Italian, by the celebrated Signior FUNIDOSO DELL'ARUNDO, formerly a rope­maker in Civita Vecchia; from which place he prudently retir'd, to avoid the addresses of the lady INQUISITION, who had a strange hankering after his person, on account of his libertinism in reli­gion; for, though a Catholic in appearance, he was a Lutheran at heart. In the year 1751 he arrived in London, with that theatrical family of Italians, who gave the town such exquisite pleasure, in the performance of several incomparable burlettas, all, or most of which, are said (with what truth I will not venture to ascertain, as I am writing a narrative of FACTS) to be the production of our hempen genius.

In the following year, which the reader, without my chrono­logical assistance, will be able to discover to be the year 1752, Signior DELL'ARUNDO took shipping for Newcastle, with an inten­tion of residing in that part of the world, on account of the cheap­ness of the necessaries of life, and accordingly settled in a sea port about thirty miles to the southward of that place. He had not been many months in his new residence, till he married a widow, who was somewhat past the heyday of her blood; or, to speak less poetically, pretty well stricken in years; and before he had been a dozen moons in his alter'd state, to his great affliction, he lost his lady. I might here, according to the usual prolixity of histo­rians, take up my reader's time, by telling him of what distemper the Signiora departed this life; but, as I don't intend to clog my narrative with useless matters, I shall be totally silent on the occa­sion: nay, I am so great a lover of conciseness in history, that I shall not even so far intrude on my candid reader's leisure, as to inform him that the lady died of a fit of the cholic.

As our Italian phoenomenon was a great admirer of poetry, it is no wonder, after he had acquir'd a competent knowledge of the British language, that he receiv'd so sensible a pleasure from the perusal of the English poets. He was so captivated with the masterly style and expression of our dramatic authors (especially the more mo­dern [Page iv]ones) that he resolv'd to collect the principal beauties in our language, and throw them into a tragedy, form'd on the British plan, in his native tongue; which he at length so happily exe­cuted, that his performance will undoubtedly be an honour to lite­rature in general, and to the Italian language in particular.

In October 1756, our celebrated foreigner departed this life; and, according to the phrase of our diurnal scribblers, universally lamented by all his acquaintance; and as a perpetual monument of the friendship, which had long existed between us, left his value­able performance to my care, in the following words contain'd in the body of his last will and testament.

Item, I give and devise to my most dear friend, brother bard, and brother rope-maker, JOSEPH REED, late of STOCKTON aforesaid, now of KING DAVID'S FORT, near Sun-Tavern-Fields, London, all and singular my piece, production, performance, drama, or tragedy, called MADRIGAL and * TROLLETTA, with the prologue, epilogue, airs, odes, dirges, and all appurtenances thereunto belonging, or in any wise appertaining; to be translated, alter'd, imitated, and made fit for the English, or other stage, by him the said JOSEPH REED. I also will and require that the profits, arising from the publication, or theatrical exhibition of the said tragedy, be applied and issued to, and for the sole use, interest, behalf, ad-vantage, and emolument of him the said JOSEPH REED, his heirs, executors, administrators, and assigns; only willing and requiring of him the said JOSEPH REED, after such translation, alteration, or imitation is compleated, that the original at the sole ex­pence of the said JOSEPH REED, may be sent to the Vatican library at Rome, to be there preserv'd as a perpetual monument of my dra­matic genius.

I have given this extract to prove my legal title to the Piece; for I must confess, not withstanding that clause in the bard's MAGNA CHARTA, call'd poetica licentia, I think it little less than down­right robbery, to raise any considerable sum from the translation, or alteration of the works of an exotic brother, unless such brother, or his descendents, be admitted to go snacks in the profits. I could wish that Mr. POPE had been of my opinion in this particular, but am sorry to tell the world he was not, which I think no small blemish in his character. It is universally known this great, tho' little man, pocketed some thousands by his translation of the works of MEONIDAS HOMER, Esq one of the fine old Grecians; yet I could never learn (though I have made very strict enquiry) that he had the gratitude or good manners, to send even a bill of ex­change, or bank note of a cool hundred, to any of Mr. HOMER'S lineal descendents. I am aware that some of Mr. POPE'S advo­cates will be ready to bellow out, Zounds! the fellow's mad! Where the devil could be find such descendents? — But pray, gentle­men, why did not your admir'd little friend advertise in all the pub­lic papers in Europe, and Asia, to effect such discovery? Instead of [Page v]this, I could never find he advertis'd at all. — Had he but even issued out a notice to that purpose in our Daily Advertiser only, I make no doubt but he would have had, within eight and forty hours of the publication, one or more claimants, who would have proved their lineal descent upon oath, which I think is as much satisfaction, as any reasonable person, who is not a downright in­fidel, would require. — But to return to my subject.

If it be plagiarism, without benefit of clergy, to borrow a few lines from a native author, it is certainly as criminal to steal whole plays from a foreigner. — When I reflect on the prevalency of this iniquitous practice, I am ready to fall down on my marrow­bones, to return my humble and hearty thanks to goddess NATURE, for so kindly disqualifying me for the perpetration of such offence, by giving me the knowledge of one language only — The filching of plays, under cover of translation, heaven knows, is a crime of no short standing — Nay, some of our countrymen have carried their villainy to a yet greater height, and stole plays with little or no alteration at all. Among these abandon'd plagiaries, I am told, was AARON HILL, Esq of turgid, altering, and translating memory. I have heard a report of his borrowing the tragedy of ZARA; and, as the story is in few hands, I shall, by way of se­cret, give it to my readers; at the same time most earnestly con­juring and requiring my said readers that it may go no further; for I would not be known to propagate any rumour, to the disad­vantage of an author, for whose memory I have so profound a veneration.

In the year one thousand seven hundred and — I have forgot what — Mr. THOMAS HUDSON, then an usher to a grammar-school at Durham, now a clergyman in Northumberland, translated Mons. VOLTAIRE'S Zaire. On sending such translation to London, for the perusal and examination of some connoissieur in drama, it unfortunately fell into the hands of a considerable dealer in hats: this beaverite having a more delicate taste in the outside, than in­side ornaments of a head, gave the piece to a friend for such exa­mination; by means of which friend poor Miss Zara fell into the hands of the aforesaid poetical ravisher, AARON, who

Crop'd this fair rose, and rifled all its sweetness,
Then cast it, like a loathsome weed, away.
Otway's Orph.

that is, in plain prose, pilfer'd the copy; and, the better to con­ceal the theft, gave out that the piece was absolutely unfit for the stage; but, notwithstanding such insinuation, in that, or the follow­ing season, Miss Zara was thrown upon the town, and receiv'd with universal applause. It is true the play, in the strictest sense, could not be HUDSON'S, as HILL had misplac'd a single scene, and made the considerable alteration of fifty lines or upwards, by which the property (according to modern authors' latitudinarian notions of meum and tuum) undoubtedly became his own—The above anec­dote I had from Mr. HUDSON; wherefore if brother AARON'S [Page vi]ghost know it to be a fib, I humbly desire the said ghost to take a trip into the north, and confront the sermonizer. I shall not pretend to ascertain the truth of this charge, but only offer, as my private opinion, on the side of the church, that the stiles of the English Zara and Merope, (both the same author's in French) are almost as different, as those of Jane Shore and Irene.

After this digression, I shall lay before the public my embar­rassments concerning this tragedy. Signior DELL'ARUNDO had un­fortunately forgot, that his most dear friend understood no human language but that of his mother tongue: however, that no pains might be wanting, on my side, to do as much honour as I could to the production of my deceased brother, I got one of the Opera-Translators to give me the piece in English; but alas! the version was so very sublime, that I could not possibly understand any three lines of it together. After this I employ'd my friend, PETER RONE, professor of languages, to give me a literal translation, which answer'd my purpose so well, that I was able to trace many of the beauties, our foreigner had borrow'd from the English play­wrights. Where the context would allow, I have given the many striking passages in the very dress of the respective authors, from whom they were undoubtedly borrow'd: where the text would not allow me such passages in the very words, I have by parody, or imitation, kept as near the sublime originals as I possibly could.

Signior DELL'ARUNDO, in a codicil to his will, hath also left me, subject to the aforesaid conditions, the farther legacy of three plays, viz. one Comedy and two Tragedies, called the Contrast, the Distress'd Princess, and the Distress'd Wife. The Comedy is thought to be a tolerable piece; but as to the Tragedies, I must own I think them greatly inferior to the following work. They have no triumphal entries, ROMAN ovations, sacrifices, dirges, processions, ghosts, drums, trumpets, thunder, lightning, battles, miraculous revo­lutions (so necessary, according to Mr. BAYES'S rule, to ELEVATE and SURPRIZE) or any of that sublime rant, which may be call'd the very soul of modern tragedy. In short, they have nothing but na­ture, propriety, and simplicity of fable and diction to recommend them. I have been advis'd to lard them plentifully with the above tragic artillery; but, so deprav'd is my taste, that I cannot listen to such innovation: I rather chuse to wait till nature and common sense come into play again on the British stage. In the mean time, if the town have a desire to see the theatrical exhibition of the said pieces; and the said town can or will raise me a patron, that hath influence sufficient to procure their representation, one, or more of the said pieces shall be at the service of the public in the ensuing season.

That nothing might be wanting to render the following pro­duction as entertaining as possible, I have prevailed on my learn­ed and ingenious friend, Dr. HUMBUG, to assist me in writing annotations to the piece.

[Page vii]I can hardly conclude this preface, without an intimation of the excellency of Mr. DAVIS in the character of BUCKRAMO. I hope his voice, figure and abilities for the stage will, in the ensuing season, intitle him to the regard of the Public on a PATENT THEATRE.

PROLOGUE.

YE awful censors of the tragic scene,
Who come, from principle of fun or spleen,
To rob the bard of fame and profit too,
(Rob him of that, which not enriches you, (1)
And make him poor indeed) for this one night
Forgo the pleasantry of damning spite.
(2) Our author shuns, in scenes of sound and show,
To move by buckram springs of royal woe;
Where struts, and starts, and twists, and lungs supply
The want of nature, sense, and energy.
He casts his drama in life's humbler sphere;
That the small vulgar, with the great, may share
The mournful pen'orths of his tragic ware.
No hackney'd tale or plan, our bard would chuse
For the sad subject of his melting muse:
Hoping from novelty to draw renown
(For novelty's the darling of the town)
His many moving incidents are ta'en,
From whence? The book and volume of his brain. (3)
Our bard — (he hopes without offence) presumes
To deck his mimic play with borrow'd plumes.
Whene'er the nature of his subject brought
A known similitude of tragic thought,
He snatch'd the sentiment already penn'd,
Afraid to alter what he could not mend.
Then to his motley scenes give patient ear,
Each line with caution scan, with candour hear;
Your kind compassion with your judgment blend,
(4) Least, in attacking him, you wound a friend.

Besides the errors in the pointing, please to correct as follows.

In Note 9. p. 3. after omitting add the explanation of. p. 15. l. 12. for hum'd read humm'd. p. 18. for curs [...]d read cursed. p. 18. l. 16. in the notes, for akes read aches. p. 19. note 25. for tipperanian read tipperarian. p. 28. l. 11. in the notes, for are read is. p. 30. l. 22. in the notes, for honours read honour. p. 41. l. 7. for gods read o god. In some of the copies, p. 34. l. 21. for (bell sounds that dreadful knell) read (bells sounds) that dreadful knell. p. 30. l. 16. for a street read the street. p. 48. l. 1 and 2. for Guelderstern read Guildenstern.

Dramatis Personae.

MEN.
  • MADRIGAL, a Bard,
    • BUCKRAMO, a Taylor, Mr. DAVIS.
    • STRAPADA, a Cobler, Mr. BLAKEY.
    *
  • Ghost of CABBAGINO.
  • Chiefs of MADRIGAL'S Party.
    • LYRIC,
    • ACROSTIC,
    • FUSTIANO,
    • EPIGRAM,
  • Chiefs of BUCKRAMO'S Party.
    • GOOSINO,
    • BODKINDA,
    • PRESSBOARDALIO,
    • YARDWANDELLI,
  • Pages to TRULLETTA.
    • BUTTONELLI,
    • THIMBLETONIO
WOMEN.
  • TRULLETTA, a Taylor's Daughter.
  • SCULLIONA, her Confident.
  • SCOURELLA, a Chair-Woman.

Poets, Taylors, Drums, Trumpets, Thunder, Lightening, Processions, &c.

SCENE; St. Giles's and West-Smithfield.

1 MADRIGAL AND TRULLETTA. A MOCK-TRAGEDY.

ACT I.

SCENE I.

A Garret.
BUCKRAMO, STRAPADA (embracing.)
BUCKRAMO.
2 THANKS to all-bounteous fate, whose index hand
Hath pointed out STRAPADA for my friend!
[Page 2]The moments sure were white and lucky all, 3
When by the sleeve informing instinct pluck'd
BUCKRAMO'S soul, and cried, "BUCKRAMO, list!
"BUCKRAMO, take STRAPADA to thy heart —
Happy BUCKRAMO! Thrice more happy far
4 Than whisker'd Turk, who on Elysian plains
Satiates his fancy with immortal nymphs;
Or half-starv'd 'prentice; whose supplying purse
Can gratify, when tiresome shop is shut,
5 With tripe, or sausages, his craving maw —
6 But oh, STRAPADA! oh! my friend, amid
This flow of joy, BUCKRAMO'S soul is pierc'd,
As with a paring knife, or bodkin sharp.
Strap.
[Page 3]
O ye immortal powers! that guard the just, 7
And govern all contingences below;
With careful watch beset BUCKRAMO'S soul,
And keep, for ever keep it free from woe!
What is it that torments STRAPADA'S friend?
8 Hath Put, or Cribbige, with insatiate sweep,
Of all thy coin despoil'd thee, left thee bare
And pennyless? or salamander nymph,
Inhabitant of DRURY, from thy fob,
With faithless palm, decoy'd thy gutless watch?
Or infidel retailer of INTIRE 9
Denied a morning draught of purl on tick?
Say why is this? speak, speak, I charge thee speak. 10
Buck.
Yes I will speak; will to STRAPADA tell
The latent secrets of my inmost soul —
[Page 4]Know then — but by the sacred ties of friendship; 11
By all the spangled train of glitt'ring stars;
By my grim father's shade, who pendent died 12
On gallow tree, I charge thee keep it lock'd
From mortal cognisance, from human ear,
An alien — yes, STRAPADA — wouldst thou think it?
I am — yes, by the Gods, I am in love.
Strap.
Ye heavenly powers, in love! astonishment
On my corporeal faculties hath made
Sudden arrest — unsay it, and I'm happy —
Thy head, with melancholly shake, confirms
The doleful truth — ah! what a falling off 13
Is here — in love! O lost, undone BUCKRAMO!
But say; what witching nymph with magic glance
Hath stung BUCKRAMO'S soul?
Buck.
What if it were
TRULLETTA — wouldst thou disapprove the choice?
Strap.
14 By JOVE'S imperial bird, not I, not I.
15 For should the Wandring Jew, with restless search,
[Page 5]Rumage this ball of earth from east to west,
From south to north, thro' all its different climes,
He could not find a fairer, lovelier she.
16 No splendent pewter from the scourer's hand
Comes half so bright — shea's beauty might en­snare 17
A miser's soul, and make him leave his bags
At random, to be scuffled for by th' Mob.
So radiant is her form, so more than mortal,
That if perfection were with her compar'd,
18'Twould seem imperfect.
Buck.
Hold thy lavish tongue,
Or jealousy will mad my raging soul.
Strap.
[Page 6]
Far as futurity's untravel'd waste 19
Lies open to conjecture's dubious ken,
It seems to me thou wilt not, canst not win
The peerless virgin, but by blood and broil:
For MADRIGAL, a Grub-street sonetteer,
Her senses fascinates with magic rhyme.
The bard incessant tunes the sapphic lyre,
And paints her in his song of mien divine.
Well-pleas'd she hearkens to the praiseful strain,
As venal statesmen to the chink of gold;
And deems herself the goddess he pourtrays.
Buck.
Too well, alas! alas! too well I know
Her fond affection for the starvling bard —
Bard did I say? a ballad-monger rather!
A wilful murderer of sense in rhyme —
Now, by the powers! his ditties scarce outvie
The pasted ornaments of cobler's stalls! —
Do we not know that GARRICK hath refus'd 20
The horrid fustian he so vainly stiles
A tragedy, at which the caitiff swears
That GARRICK is a dolt, a goose, a fool?
Strap.
True, my brave friend: would she, like GARRICK too,
Refuse his suit —
Buck.
[Page 7]
She must; she shall, STRAPADA.
By hell! in spite of all her wayward pride,
I'll have her still — spite of her self, I'll have her: 21
Tho' fate, and all the world should join t'oppose me:
22 Or, by the gods, I'll lay a scene of blood
Shall make her dwelling horrible to nature! —
I'll do't! — hark you, my friend! — this very night!
I'll put her to the trial — should the maid
With uncomplying stubbornness refuse,
23 On horror's head horrors accumulate
Shall wait her mansion — see this trusty bodkin,
And guess the rest.
Strap.
What means my noble friend?
Buck.
Blood! blood! STRAPADA, blood! — by th' powers of hell,
25 I will be drunk with vengeance! princely drunk
With blood's rich nectar — I will murder all,
That suck-in vital air beneath her roof!
Nay not a louse shall 'scape to tell the tydings.
Strap.
How! not a louse escape! a single louse!
26 To what extremes extreme revenge impells thee?
What! turn a murderer ten thousand fold,
To glut thy vengeance on the marbled maid!
[Page 8] 27 Thy inclination to shed blood rides post.
Art thou so lost to virtue, to revenge
Thy slighted vows on a poor peaceful tribe;
A harmless people, that have wittingly
Ne'er done thee wrong? — Now, by my awl I swear,
Such cruelty ensanguin'd speaks a mind
Of temp'rament infernal — fare thee well!
I'll never hold communion with thee more:
But from the day-book of my dearest friendship
I'll cross thee out — I love thee yet, BUCKRAMO, 28
But, never more be intimate of mine.
Buck.
What means STRAPADA?
Strap.
Like the faithless boy, 29
Who hath by secret felony despoil'd
The feather'd parents of their unfledg'd brood,
To which his partner had an equal claim,
Thus, thus, I ring thee off.
joining his little finger to BUCKRAMO'S.
Buck.
O stay! my friend,
30 Or thou wilt run me into madness — nay,
By all the shades of my great ancestry;
By all thy virtuous friendship to SCOURELLA,
The dame, who give me birth, my more than mother, 31
[Page 9]Thou shalt not leave me thus!
Strap.
Let go my arm;
32 Or, on my soal, this awl shall be thy end.
Buck.
But, hear me, noble youth —
Strap.
The solemn vow
Hath reach'd the skies, and is recorded there
In characters indelible — forgo
Thy hold! nor vainly hope to shake my purpose.
Buck.
But think upon our friendship —
Strap.
Damn our friendship!
What fellowship can virtue have with murder?
Still dost thou hold me! — think on what I've sworn;
Nor dare provoke th'impending blow — unhand me!
Or, by the gods! — nay, if thou'rt obstinate,
Take this, and this.
wounds him with his awl.

SCENE II.

BUCKRAMO.
I'm hurt — but not to death:
33 Yet past all surgery — alas! I've lost
The dear companion of my early youth;
Life's now not worth a quid — O, woe is me! 34
T'have seen what I have seen, seeing what I see!

SCENE III.

A Parlour.
TRULLETTA mournful on a couch; SCULLIONA and SCOURELLA attending: BUTTONELLI playing on a Jew's Harp, THIMBLETONO on a Strum.
Scul.
35 SEE where she weeps! — lost even to mu­sick's power —
SCOURELLA! try — strain every varied note:
First, in low sympathy of sorrow's softness
Sooth her desponding soul — then start at once
To swells of joy, and storm attention's ear.
SCOURELLA sings.

AIR 1. Accompanied by the Jews harp.

36 Vain hoper, begone — stay, despair:
Despair, stay — vain hoper, go, go.
For sorrow no accents should hear,
But those of lamenting and woe.
Believing, farewel — the sure road
Is death all deceiving to shun;
Till plac'd in our clay-cold abode,
Joy flies man's pursuit like a nun.

AIR 2. Accompanied by the Strum.

Away with your tears, where enjoyment should flow;
Bid defiance to pain — let her go, let her go:
Do the gods love complainers? No, no.
Away with your tears, from your eyes, have them bang'd:
Bid defiance to pain, let her go and be hang'd;
Let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go,
Let her go, and be hang'd, let her go, let her go:
Do the gods love complainers? No, no.
36.
This, and the following air, were extracted from that ini­mitable musical dialogue, between Messieurs Flute and Trumpet in the same tragedy.
Flute.
Stay, stay, despair — be gone, vain hoper, go;
Sorrow can hear no voice, but that of woe.
Trumpet.
Away with your tears where enjoyment should flow.
Did defiance to pain — let her go, let her go.
Do the gods love complainers? No, no, no.
Flute.
Ah! 'tis in vain to strive! — farewel, believing;
Death is the sure short road — to shun deceiving.
— — —
Rest and the grave will meet — but ah! — till then
Joy flies, the vain pursuit of hopeless men.

As our author hath borrowed so largely from the above tragedy, I would refer the reader to the opening of that play; which, if he apply to the bookseller for, let me advise him in the cautionary phrase of our modern advertisers, to be careful to ask for HILL'S Merope.

Scul.
Away — she rises — angels, that have tun'd,
Reward the vocal magic of thy pipe.

SCENE IV.

TRULLETTA, SCULLIONA.
Trul.
When next thy too-officious kindness tries
Th' harmonious charm of jew's harp, strum, or voice,
Let me have musick solemn all and slow,
Sad-suited to my thoughts — no tydings yet
From my dear father, or my dearer bard?
Scul.
Our emissary yet hath hardly reach'd
The street Grubaean, 37 residence of bards.
Trul.
[Page 12]
Ah me! the lazy minutes seem to halt 38
On crutches!
Scul.
39 Thus they ever seem to grief.

SCENE V.

TRULLETTA, SCULLIONA, FUSTIANO.
Fus.
Queen of the verseful kingdom's lord: his heart's 40
High empress, hail! — this tender greeting sends
Thy bard enamour'd — tho' his bosom feels
Th' incessant flame of love's devouring fire,
Tho' much he wishes to behold thy beauties,
41 As much, I think, as a fond lover can,
And bask him in the sunshine of those eyes; 42
Yet necessary prudence stays his visit,
Till night hath spread her sable mantle o'er
The azure hemisphere — this afternoon —
43 O horrible to tell! most horrible! —
Nine of the verseful train — by all the gods,
Not less than nine — the tuneful sister's number —
Unwary, unintent, uncircumspect,
Or deeply wrapt in meditation, fell
In legal ambush, and were vilely dragg'd
To spunging dome by slaves, that know no mercy.
Trul.
Ice at my conscious heart were warm com­par'd 44
[Page 13]With what thou chill'st my soul with! — hapless nine!
45 My tear-touch'd eye, in sympathetic woe,
Wails their disaster.
Fus.
More I would unfold
Of misery poetic; but my stay
Admits no farther parle — illumin'd maid,
Adieu.
Exit.
Trul.
O iron-hearted law! what cause
Have bards to curse thy rigour — SCULLIONA,
Thy arm — to my sad chamber guide my steps —
Griess rush on griefs, on passions passions roll,
And in the rapid torrent whelm my soul.
End of the FIRST ACT.

ACT II.

SCENE I.

The Street.
MADRIGAL.
THUS far into the bowels of this street 1
We've march'd without impediment — O night! 2
Alternate regent of the lapsing hours,
Sister of chaos, e'er the upstart sun
And world had being, thou, with sable sway,
Didst rule the uncreated mass of things. 3
[Page 14]What golden 'vantage from thine eyeless reign
To mortals flow! beneath thy friendly veil
The meagre bard oft 'scapes the prying ken
Of lurking catchpole, and eludes the touch 4
Unhallow'd. City prigs, of sober seeming,
Quaff their nocturnal beverige, and reel
Unnotic'd home. The painted courtezan,
Who with her quartern, and the liquid food
Of Indian shrub, repels the keen attacks
Of raging hunger, all the live long day,
Now in full blazon, with alluring leer,
Patroles the slippery streets — the — but that lovely vision
TRULLETTA appears at the window.
Forbids all further simile — she beckons —
He comes, TRULLETTA: most refulgent maid,
Thy MADRIGAL — with hasty strides he comes —
5 Now, would the sun, in his meridian glare,
Suffer eclipse from her more radiant eyes.

SCENE II.

MADRIGAL, SCULLIONA.
Scul.
O! Mr. MADRIGAL, I'm glad you're come. 6
Mad.
[Page 15]
Thanks, gentle SCULLIONA — for this kind­ness,
And all thy other curtesies, e'er long
I will fulfil my promise — thy bright charms
Shall be the subject of my tuneful song.
For thee I'll strain each faculty of thought,
7 Till my brain burst with thinking — every tongue
Shall chaunt the beauteous SCULLIONA'S name.
In verse immortal I'll record thy charms;
And when dear 8 Ally Crocar is forgot,
Thou shalt be hum'd, or warbled thro' each street,
From IIyde Park Corner to Limehousian Hole 9.
Scul.
10 That will be pure! — but come; TRUL­LETTA waits.

SCENE III.

A Parlour.
MADRIGAL, TRULLETTA. meeting.
Mad.

My fair TRULLETTA! embracing.

Trul.

Oh! my MADRIGAL! embracing.

Mad.
[Page 16]
Thou nature's whole perfection in one piece! 11
I'll hold thee thus, till we incorporate,
12 And make between us an hermaphrodite.
So closely will I clasp thee in my arms,
That the big wedge, which cleaves the knotted oak,
Could hardly rend me from thy lov'd embrace —
Oh! my TRULLETTA, let me press thy lips,
My eager, my devouring lips to thine,
13 And eat thee with my hungry kisses — Now
Ye envying deities Olympian!
Aquatic! and Infernal! see, behold!
14 Look down, look up — confess — but speak the truth — 15
Say, would you not ungod yourselves, to be
The happier MADRIGAL? to clasp her thus?
Thus, thus to strain her to your panting bosoms?
To suck th' Ambrosia of her Hybla lips?
To banquet on her eyes? to be, like me,
[Page 17] 16 So more than most superlatively blest.
Trul.
Alas, my MADRIGAL!
Mad.
That deep-fetch'd sigh,
Sorrow's sad offspring, speaks thy tender soul
17 Lab'ring with woe — thy brilliant eyes appear
Studded with pearly drops — oh! let me kiss them off,
These richer jewels, than embowell'd lie
In pregnant India's gem-prolific womb — 18
Why all this grief? — and is it thus we meet? —
Yes, I must chide; perforce, must chide thee, fair one:
19 For, oh! our meeting is not like the former;
When every look, when all our talk was love — 20
Yes, changeful beauty! once there was a time,
When my TRULLETTA rush'd into my arms,
Swift as the iron messengers of death,
Forc'd from the mortal engines, whose wide throats 21
Th'immortal JOVE'S dread clamours counterfeit.
Trul.
Well might'st thou think my heart en­crusted o'er
With marble; or insensible, as rocks,
Should my unfilial niggard eyes refuse
To sympathize my father's threaten'd ruin.
Thou know'st the angry sentence of the law
Hangs heavy o'er him, like a gather'd cloud;
And, e'er to-morrow's journeying sun hath made
His lucid progress to his noon-day summit,
[Page 18]His thread of life, like an unheeded remnant,
Must by the law's fell shears be cut in twain —
Ye gods! what havock does the 22 halter make
Among your works!
Mad.
Alas! angelic nymph;
Even with a more, far more than filial woe,
I mourn the good old CABBAGINO'S danger:
For, should the fatal noose — the stinging thought
Alas! hath bred ten thousand scorpions here,
And given my very soul a fit of th' gripes: 23
That curs [...]d mercer for a web of velvet —
Web, did I say? by all the gods a remnant!
A paultry remnant! scarce a yard! to bring
Thy venerable father to the tree;
'Tis such infernal cruelty, and ire,
24 As circle-bearded Israelites would scorn —
Yes; he shall feel the terrors of my rage —
The slave shall feel — I'll tear him all to pieces.
By hell's grim king I will — in black and white —
I'll have a hundred hawkers bellow out,
[Page 19]Before his doors, the venom of my page,
In roar most dreadfully vociferous —
Oh! how I'll gall him — may this carcase rot 25
A loathsome banquet to the fowls of heaven,
If e'er my breast admit a thought to bound,
A single thought, the progress of my rage.
Trul.
May the revengeful bloodhound never feel
A moment's respite from his gouty pangs:
And all the racking pains, that flesh is heir to, 26
27 May he accumulated underbear!
Eternal moths and mildews haunt his shop!
When, o'er his pipe, th' exhilerating juice
28 Of punch, that compound manifold, he sips,
May my dear father's grinning spectre rise,
And snatch th' uplifted nipperkin away
From his untasting lips! when from his glass 29
Of life th'out-hast'ning sands are shook, may fiends
[Page 20]Hurry the wretch into a hell, more hot
Ten thousandfold than elemental fire:
Then snatch, half-roasted, snatch him to a mount
In icy Zembla's keen-congealing clime:
There let him freeze, ye gods! unpitied freeze,
kneels
With shiv'ring limbs, blue nose, and chatt'ring teeth,
A spectacle of horror!
Mad.
Amen to that, sweet pow'rs! — thy filial prayer
Is register'd above; and he is doom'd
To suffer all thy imprecated curse —
But come, my dearest; dry this crystal sluice!
Thou hast been tender over much, and mourn'd, 31
Even too profusely mourn'd, thy father's danger —
Madam, 'tis prudent, I confess it is; 32
But is it loving, as true lovers ought,
To be so very prudent in our loves?
What interruption this? 33

SCENE IV.

MADRIGAL, TRULLETTA, SCULLIONA, SCOU­RELLA.
Scul.
Horror on horror!
Scou.
O inauspicious hour!
Mad.
Ha! what portends
This tristful exclamation?
Scul.
I am come
A secret to disclose, that would awake you, 34
Were you already dead. — My dearest master —
Scou.
[Page 21]
Alas! that I should ever live to tell it! — 35
Scul.
The best of masters, and the best of friends—
Scou.
The sweetest, kindest, gentlest CABBAGINO—
Scul.
Is now —O savage, marble-hearted fate! —
Scou.
Is now — I cannot tell it for my tears —
Scul.
A corseful shade. 36
Mad. Trul.
O ye immortal gods! 37
Scul.
Despairing of reprieve (the turnkey thus
Reports) and nobly scorning to be dragg'd
A publick spectacle up Holborn Hill,
By plenteous draughts of Juniperian juice,
Death-dealing liquid, his undaunted soul,
Freed from corporeal limbo.
Trul.
Oh! 38
Mad.
Oh!
Scul. Scou.
Oh!
Mad.
The deed was worthy of a Roman soul: 39
And sad necessity makes all things just. 40
Trul.
[Page 22]
Oh! 'tis too much; and life and I are lost. 41
faints.
Mad.
Alas! she faints: she dies: — SCOURELLA, haste;
Swift as a witch upon a broomstick fly;
Nay, swifter than the lightning's swiftest speed,
And bring a son of Galen to her aid — 42
The dedication of my tragic piece
To him, who saves her — draw thy smelling phial,
And try the odoriferous charm to lure
Her fleeting spirit back — alas! she's gone!
Gone! irrecoverably gone — she stiffens
A monument of grief — her eyes have lost
Their fire — ah! where is that Promethean heat, 43
That can their light relumine? — wake, my fair!
Shake off that ghastly ravisher, grim death;
Whose ruffian arms detain thee in his clasp,
Or thy bard rushes on his point to join thee — 44
She hears — the fair one hears my well-known voice —
She breathes — she wakes — returning colour 'gins
T'illume her reddening cheek.
Trul.
Ill-fated hour!
Undone TRULLETTA!
Mad.
Pious maid! forbear
This heart-felt woe — to her apartment lead —
I'll hence, and for th' interment of thy sire
[Page 23]Make preparation — lovely nymph! farewel!
'Tis heaven to have thee; and without thee hell. 45
End of the SECOND ACT.

ACT III.

SCENE I.

The Street.
STRAPADA.
A Yearning fondness hangs about me still: 1
I'd give the empire of ten thousand worlds 2
For privilege to unswear what I have sworn —
His father was my friend, and taught me first, 3
With curved awl, to pierce the rugged foal,
And join the horny bristle to the thread.
Such benefits demand no vulgar gratitude —
His mother too — be hush'd, my fluttering soul — 4
GOOSINO tells me, he resolves on blood;
[Page 24]A rival's blood: yet, which of them must fall
None but th' Olympian gods alone can tell.
Th' event of battle, like a growing foetus,
Lies 'prison'd in futurity's dark womb,
Till midwife time do bring it into birth —
Whoe'er the conqueror, BUCKRAMO dies;
For should he MADRIGAL'S quietus make 5
With a bare bodkin, justice acts the second,
And brings the victor to the shameful tree —
It is resolv'd 6 — I'll watch him to prevent
His rage, and save him from the double danger
Of steel and hempen noose — It shall be so: 7
Madness in taylors must not unwatch'd go.

SCENE II.

STRAPADA, BUCKRAMO.
Buck.
My ears deceive me, or I heard the voice
Of dear STRAPADA once; but, now alas!
No more my friend — 'tis he — avenging steel!
puts up his bodkin.
Rest here unseen — his lab'ring mind is lock'd
In contemplation's closest cell — I'll try
To rouse him from this trance of thought—what, ho!
STRAPADA!
Strap.
Ha! — BUCKRAMO! — Thou wast once
My trustiest friend: in my heart's core I wore thee;
Ay in my heart of hearts. 8
Buck.
[Page 25]
Ammonian JOVE! 9
kneeling.
And all ye gods, and goddesses: peruse
The folio of my past and present thoughts!
Peruse it page by page, or in the way
Of modern connoissieurs, videlicet,
Run o'er contents and index — if you find
A wish, unless to have TRULLETTA mine,
Preferr'd to good STRAPADA'S dearest friendship,
Hurl my thrice-thankless spirit vengeful down
Into th' infernal pitchy lake, prepar'd
For negro-soul'd ingratitude.
Strap.
By Saturn! 10
His mother's in his face — the dear SCOURELLA —
It is too much to bear — spite of my vow
11 I must, I must relent — there is a way
To reinstate thee in my love: be virtuous.
The friends of virtue are STRAPADA'S friends —
Forgo thy black design on MADRIGAL,
And be as dear as ever — what incites thee
To seek his blood?
Buck.
[Page 26]
He robs me of my mistress:
And in return I rob him of his life.
The robber rob, and robbery grows virtue. 12
Strap.
The subtlety of schools may paint this maxim;
The schools, where learned error stalks abroad 13
With such gigantic strides, in wisdom's garb;
But truth, and sound philosophy, disclaim
The paultry dawbing — know, blood thirsty youth!
Know, thou death's orator! dread advocate 14
For bowelless severity! forgiveness
Is greater, wiser, manlier bravery
Than wild revenge.
Buck.
Ha! whither would'st thou lead me?
Strap.
To virtue, to forgiveness — talk no more
Of fell revenge.
Buck.
Not talk of it, STRAPADA?
I'll talk of it, tho' hell itself should gape 15
And bid me hold my peace — not talk of it?
Not of revenge? the attribute of th' gods, 16
Who stamp it in our natures to impell
Mankind to noblest darings.
Strap.
Rather call it
The attribute of devils, stamp'd on man
To draw deluded mortals to destruction.
Buck.
[Page 27]
No more, no more — tempt me no more in vain — 17
My soul is wrought to the sublimest rage 18
Of horrible revenge.
Strap.
And thou art fix'd
On bloody purpose?
Buck.
Fix'd as Cambrian mountain
On its own base, or gaming lords on ruin. 19
Strap.
Then all my flattering hopes of thy reclaim
Are lost; and my shock'd soul akes at thee 20: yet
Attend my last request — defer thy purpose,
Till the cold earth, in her parental bosom,
Receive thy venerable master's corse.
E'er long the sad procession will begin:
Then do not with unhallow'd broil prophane
The dread solemnity of funeral rites:
But lend thy kind assistance to support
Thy sorrowing mistress thro' the mournful scence.
This thou wilt promise?
Buck.
By yon silver lamp, 21
Which stringless hangs, or hangs by string unseen
[Page 28]In azure firmament, I will!
Strap.
Till then farewel!

SCENE III.

BUCKRAMO.
Farewel! — till then farewel! — so hot, my friend?
So very hot? — no matter — let him cool —
He thinks my reason a meer babe, a suckling,
To need the leading-strings of his advice —
But to th' interment — if I should appear
In this unseemly dress, they'll think I come
To laugh and fleer at their solemnity. 22
Custom, that great, that venerable tyrant 23
On such occasions, asks, requires, demands
A coat — a coat! — alas! — I have no coat. 24
Oh insupportable! — oh heavy hour!
Methinks it now should be a huge eclipse
Of sun and moon, that the affrighted globe
Should yawn at the alteration of my dress —
Of all superfluous cloth necessity 25
Hath stripp'd me. My incarcerated coat
Lies in that infidel confinement, whence 26
No captive e'er returns unransom'd — how
To fetch the pris'ner thence puzzles the thought —
Lost in a labyrinth, I wander on
27 Without a clew to guide — O dark estate
[Page 29]Of dull mortality! where reptile man,
With all his boasted intuition, is
More blind than reptile mole — GOOSINO'S counsel
Must guide me thro' this maze.

SCENE IV.

An apartment hung with black.
TRULLETTA.
weeping over a coffin.
28 Hail venerable ghost!
Hail heart-wept Manes of my murder'd sire!
O earth-wrong'd goodness! — in Newgatian cell,
29 That subterranean sepulchre of peace,
That home of horror, hideous nest of crimes,
Guilt's first sad stage in her dark road to hell,
Whose thick-barr'd, sunless passages for air
Do keep alive the wretch, that longs to die,
30 Was thy majestic eye-beam clos'd in gin;
31 In gin, that bliss, and bane of human life —
[Page 30]O could my pious drops recall thy breath,
My sluicing eyes should pour such cataracts 32
Of ceaseless tears, as would redeluge earth,
And pickle the huge mass in human brine —
33 O all ye sleeping gods! why did you thus
Nod o'er your charge supine, and suffer one,
[Page 31]So sagely form'd, to close his death-shrunk reign, 34
By copious swill of gin lethiferous?
Ye should have dash'd the untasted moisture from him — 35
But hence this prophanation! 'tis impiety
To question the just gods, since reason's line 36
Wants depth to sound th' Olympian will.

SCENE V.

TRULLETTA, GHOST. 37
Trul.
Dread powers!
[Page 32]What would your awful messenger? 38
Ghost.
I am
Thy father's spirit, doom'd for many years
To fry in liquid lakes of subtlest fire,
T'attone my manifold, my deadly sins
Of cabbage, and high bills.
Trul.
Alas! poor ghost!
Ghost.
My furlo from my prison-house is short:
Brief let me be — I come to warn my child
Against — but hark! th' infernal boatswain calls!
A whistle within.
He pipes me hence! — my wasted respite grants
No longer stay — again! — relentless dog!
I come. — but this short prayer — not for my self;
Not for my self, but thee — hear me, all-gracious —

SCENE VI.

TRULLETTA.
'Tis wanting what should follow — Jove should follow; 39
But 'tis torn off — why should that word alone
Be torn from his petition? 40 — why, indeed?

SCENE VII. 41

MADRIGAL, TRULLETTA.
Mad.
Hail to you horrors! hail thou house of death! 42
And thou, the mournful mistress of these shades!—
But, ha! what means this quivering in thy limbs?
This terror in thy eyes? these ghastly looks?
43 Even such a form, so faint, so spiritless,
So dull, so dead in look, so woe-begone,
Drew PRIAM'S curtain in the dead of night,
And told the mournful tale of blazing Troy.
Trul.
Alas! some sudden ruin waits TRULLETTA—
My father's spirit hath been here to warn me
'Gainst something fatal, but I know not what;
For just as he began the tender caution,
A noise, not much unlike the catcall's knell,
Abridg'd the mournful tale, and down he sunk
Reluctant; yet obedient to the sound.
Mad.
O day and night, but this is wond'rous strange! 44
The world's last groan, wrapt in surrounding fires, 45
Had less amaz'd me! — was he cloath'd, or naked?
Trul.
Cloath'd in his 'custom'd garb from top to toe.
Mad.
Wore he his beaver on his head? — or cap
With cat-skin lin'd?
Trul.
[Page 34]
His head arm'd cap a-pe.
Mad.
With, or without his apron?
Trul.
With it, Love!
Mad.
His sandals — shoes, or slippers?
Trul.
One of each.
Mad.
His beard was red?
Trul.
It was, as thou hast seen it,
Almost the colour of the rising moon.
Mad.
Seem'd it not sing'd? 46
Trul.
Not in the least.
Mad.
That's strange! —
47 I would I had been here! — it must portend
Some festinating evil — but to whom,
Or what, my comprehension fathoms not: 48
This is however sure, so sage a ghost
Would hardly come on an unmeaning errand.
But more of this hereafter — come, my Love!
The sad procession waits — now summon all
Thy reason's fortitude to grapple with
Affliction's potence — hark! —
(Bell sounds.)
that dreadfull knell
O CABBAGINO, is thy passing-bell.

A Procession.

End of the THIRD ACT.

ACT IV.

SCENE I.

An Apartment.
MADRIGAL, TRULLETTA.
Mad.
THY last sad duties to thy sire are paid:
The grave hath op'd its consecrated maw
To swallow down thy father's hallow'd corse.
1 The Stygian tar no longer can refuse
His spirit passage to th' Elysian shades.

SCENE II.

MADRIGAL, TRULLETTA, SCULLIONA.
Scul.
Oh! Sir, these wretched eyes have newly seen
BUCKRAMO skulking 'hind a cobler's stall.
Some hint's officious note had reach'd his ear 2
That you was here — In his right hand he bore,
Most terrible to tell! a glitt'ring bodkin;
And ask'd, if I had seen you: I replied,
(Forgive me, Jove, the pious falshood!) no:
On which, with sullen aspect, he rejoin'd;
"Well! I may meet him e'er the noon of night." 3
Mad.
[Page 36]
Where is the stall, my gentle SCUL­LIONA?
4 Haste me to know't, that I with wings as swift
As meditation, or the thoughts of love,
May fly to my revenge.
Trul.
A breathless horror 5
Heaves panting at my heart! — Indeed, my Love,
You must not hence to night: the time is big
With danger.
Mad.
What! be coop'd within these walls;
Thro' fear of one base cross-legg'd animal,
But the ninth part of manhood? — by Alcides!
Were there a hundred of the prick-louse tribe,
With each a hundred bodkins in his hands,
I could, with steadfast, and advancing scorn, 6
Stare in each phyz, full-sighted — I'll be gone,
And sacrifice a hecatomb of taylors 7
8 To my wak'd wrath, while mercy's faintest glympse
Shall shun to reach them. 9
Trul.
MADRIGAL! forbear,
And do not rush on such eventful broil.
Mad.
[Page 37]
If all their lice were lives, 10 my great re­venge
Has stomach for them all.
Trul.
And canst thou leave me,
Disconsolate to mourn thy rashness? — hast thou
So soon forgot me?
Mad.
Do not rive my heart 11
With such unkind expressions — Didst thou say
Forget thee? — much indeed must be forgot, 12
E'er MADRIGAL forget his fair TRULLETTA —
The gods, that pry into the close recesses
Of every heart, can evidence the love,
The wond'rous love I bear thee — Now, even now,
A flow of fondness gushes from my eyes:
And did not honour's call command me hence,
I would not leave thee for the laurell'd wreath,
That binds a MILTON'S, or a SHAKESPEAR'S brow; 13
But, throwing thus my arms about thy neck, 14
Would play the boy, and blubber in thy bosom
Till I had drown'd thee with my streaming tears.
Trul.
And is it possible that thou should'st love,
Yet leave me thus inhumanly?
Mad.
[Page 38]
Forbear 15
This unprevailing woe — Alas! 'tis more
Than death to see thee weep! 16 — but we must part —
O! I could curse this idle bubble, honour;
This fashionable frenzy, that enslaves
The mob polite, that tears me from thy arms? —
Farewel, my Love! — why dost thou hang upon me? —
Release me! give me way! — let go my arm!
Trul.
Thou shalt not leave me.
Mad.
Shalt not! have a care;
Thou'lt wake the slumb'ring lyon in my breast: 17
Do not provoke my rage too far — thou know'st
My hasty temper — quit thy stubborn hold,
Or, by the gods, I'll force thee to forego it!
Trul.
Behold my streaming eyes —
Mad.
Ha! shall the tears 18
Of abject importunity detain me,
While vengeance, striding from his grizly den
With fell impatience, grinds his iron teeth,
And waits my nod, to satisfy his hunger? —
Not all the tears, that ever yet were shed,
Could stop my rapid course — May JOVE exhaust 19
His thunder on my head! may hell disgorge
Infernal plagues to blast me, if I cease
To persecute the Prick-louse, till his blood
[Page 39]Assuage my parch'd revenge — Oh! my TRUL­LETTA! 20
Or give me way; or thou'rt no more my friend.
Trul.
Help, SCULLIONA! SCULLIONA, help
To save my raging bard!
Mad.
To save me so, 21
Were but to lose me surer — quit me, fair ones!
Trul.
For pity's sake —
Mad.
With thee a kneeling world 22
Should sue in vain — Unhand me, gentlewomen! 23
By hell! I'll make a ghost of her that lets me! —
Nay 'tis in vain to strive — no force can hold me —
Let BROUGHTON, or let SLACK do what he may, 24
The cat will mew, and dog will have his day.
breaks from them.

SCENE III.

TRULLETTA, SCULLIONA.
Trul.
Then go, inhuman bard! begone for ever —
I vainly hop'd TRULLETTA'S eyes had power
To check th' impetuous sallies of his rage —
[Page 40]So have I heard, with equal suddenness, 25
Ebbing prodigiously the sea withdraw,
And quite defenceless left the scaly race.
The huge scate, which e'er while with wanton pride
Spread his broad fins, and lash'd the foaming tide,
Vainly essay'd to suck the faithless flood
With heaving gills, and tumbled in the mud.
The lobsters, whose great trunks the stars could reach
Flounc'd their huge claws, and panted on the beach.
So have my hopes, whose waves e'er while ran o'er,
And to the skies my towering wishes bore,
Retir'd, and left me gasping on the shore.

SCENE IV.

The Street.
MADRIGAL.
26 Where is this hero, famous and renown'd
For killing vermin, and for botching cloaths? —
What ho! BUCKRAMO!

SCENE V.

MADRIGAL, BUCKRAMO.
Buck.
Ha! who calls BUCKRAMO,
With lungs so loud, and vehemence so great?
[Page 41]Is it the voice of thunder, or of man? 27
Mad.
Of one, that comes to scourge thy insolence,
Presuming arrogant! unletter'd slave! 28
Thou little more than a bare tythe of manhood!
Buck.
The lewdest sland'rer, that e'er broach'd abuse, 29
Came short of this — Take note, take note, gods, 30
Of this reproachful calumny — This railer,
With breath envenom'd, impiously affirms,
Your human figures are but decimals,
But tythes of manhood — Vile, licentious cur!
The very dogs would spurn thy wretched carcase;
Because — it scarce would furnish out a meal.
Go hence! buy food! and get thee into flesh! 31
'T would grieve my very soul to grace a gibbet
For killing but a shadow.
Mad.
This from thee!
Thou seeming semblance of the human form,
Made from the shreds, and clippings of mankind! 32
Are not thy cross-legg'd tribe th'unsifted mold,
[Page 42]The dross, the leavings of humanity?
Nay, by the powers! your composition is
Of baser matter still, the lumpish dregs,
The refuse vile of animal creation! 33
Buck.
Dost thou compare the fashioners of man
With these base botchers of the verseful train?
What are ye but a shrivel'd, half-starv'd race
Of living skeletons? shadows of shadows?
With brains of whirligigs, and limbs of reeds?
A cringing, lying, snarling, monkey tribe, 34
That, pack-horse like, jogg thro' the stage of life,
Proud of your senseless jingle?
Mad.
Awful shades
Of HOMER, SOPHOCLES, EURIPIDES, 35
VIRGIL, and HORACE, MILTON, SHAKESPEAR, POPE,
Hear this blasphemer of the gods and you!
Was it for this ye toil'd, incessant toil'd,
To polish, and refine that lump of oar,
The mind? — immortal shades! ye gods on earth!
kneels.
Look down from your blest thrones, or laurel groves,
[Page 43]And make this sland'rer feel, to poet's ears,
How sharper, than a serpent's tooth, it is 36
To hear a thankless railer —
rises.
Mark me, caitif!
No single life can expiation make
For this abuse — chuse thou a hundred Knights
Of Cabbage, skill'd in chivalry and arms;
My self, in opposition, will select
As many Garretters — To morrow night,
At twelve, our different prowess shall be tried
On Smithfield's flinty plains — Dare ye the combat?
Buck.
What is beyond the daring of my tribe?
Why, I will meet thee at West-Smithfield then. 37

SCENE VI.

MADRIGAL.
To-morrow — oh! my better stars, to morrow!— 38
(My gracious stars! I mean to-morrow night)
Exert your influence! shine strongly for me! —
But, wherefore should I doubt? — now will I steal
To my dear Love, and with assuasive sounds
Allay her sorrow's ferment —
knocks at the door.
Gone to sleep! —
She cannot yet! — again — once more —
knocks.
SCULLIONA.
[Page 44]
(at the window)
Who's there, 39
That comes so rudely to disturb the house?
Mad.
'Tis I — the bard.
Scul.
You have no business here;
My mistress ne'er will see you more — good night.
Mad.
Blast to my soul's best hope! 40 — ne'er see me more! —
Chaos is come again 41 — and I am — nothing — 42
Henceforth I'll live a sad recluse from man,
And in some shady grove, or lonely cell,
Or garret of stupendous height, inclos'd,
(Retirements blest!) where CLIO, heavenly muse,
To whom the rapt'rous charms of song pertain,
Holds frequent visitation, will I write
Ten thousand ditties in TRULLETTA'S praise —
TRULLETTA! most irradiate nymph, in whom
Perfection centers: in whose form the gods
Infus'd an angel's soul: whose fulgent eyes,
With brilliant sparkle, strike adorers thro'
The heart, the lights, the liver, and the — guts:
With her my ditties shall begin; with her
My endless ditties end. Her I'll pursue
Thro' all the vast infinity of thought.
Till death to worms, insatiate cannibals,
Consigns this frame, and sends my widow'd soul
To regions unexplor'd; to realms opake,
Where boiling Tartarus roars — Oh! how unlike
The bubbling musick of a purling stream,
Or gently-murmuring rill! to quaff, instead
Of Helicon, whole gulps of brimstone down —
Unfragrant bev'rige! unpoetic juice!

SCENE VII.

MADRIGAL, SCOURELLA.
Scour.
O miserable hour! ill-fated maid!
Mad.
What of my Love? — O my portending soul!
Scour.
Ah fatal day to me! poor SCULLIONA 43
Now touches her last moments — as she climb'd
Into the garret, her too-faithless foot
Slipp'd from the ladder's topmast round; she fell,
And with the fall expires.
Mad.
O ill-starr'd wench! 44
Scour.
I saw her in her pangs — her out-stretch'd eye 45
Strain'd with a death-mix'd tenderness on mine —
But thy relenting mistress craves an ode,
From thy great muse, for her endanger'd friend.
The pious maid a holy visit means
To Guildhall's dome, with solemn invocation,
To sue the GOGAN and MAGOGAN gods, 46
For danger'd SCULLIONA'S lengthen'd life —
Haste to the cheerless maid, while I in quest
Of barber-surgeon trudge — O cursed spite! 47
That ever I was born to fetch the wight!
An Invocation to GOG and MAGOG.
End of the FOURTH ACT.

ACT V.

SCENE I.

An Apartment.
TRULLETTA, SCOURELLA.
Thunder and Lightning.
Trul.
HEaven's! 'tis a fearful night! 1
Scour. Tho' age hath snow'd 2
Almost thrice twenty winters on my head,
I never saw a night so terrible —
Most terrible indeed — The moon's eclips'd;
3 The stars sleep in their sockets: scarce a ray
Of light t'illume the welkin's pitchy cope,
But what the sheeted light'ning's flash affords.
The bursting thunder roars with frightful crack,
As if heaven's magazines were blowing up.
The blust'ring Boreas, like a bully, storms,
And threatens to unhinge earth's mass, which rocks
Affrighted on its axis, like a sign.
Owls, magpies, ravens on the chimney tops
Screech, chatter, croak: geese cackle, crickits chirp,
[Page 47]Dogs howl, cats mew, pigs squeak, and asses bray,
In concert dissonant. 4
Trul.
'Tis said, strange sights 5
Appear ith' air?
Scour.
Ten thousand hags and wizzards,
On broomsticks mounted, thro' the frightful sky
Gallop apace their fiery footless steeds — 6
Squadrons of bodkins, press-boards, yardwands, sheers,
'Gainst penknives, sheets of paper, inkhorns, quills,
Appear drawn up in battailous array 7
Such sights seem certain prologue to the fall
Of mightiest empires, or the crush of worlds.
Trul.
What is this puny tempest in the sky,
[Page 48]To that my bosom feels! my mind's surcharg'd
With ominous presage — No joy, no comfort
Remains, but what the hopes of lengthen'd life
To SCULLIONA leave — would I were plac'd
With my dear father in his cold last bed! —
I shall not long survive him.

SCENE II.

TRULLETTA, SCOURELLA, BUTTONELLI, THIM­BLETONIO.
Trul.
BUTTONELLI,
And THIMBLETONIO, have you seen my bard?
But. Thim.
We have.
Trul.
Thanks, BUTTONELL; and, gentle THIM­BLETONIO. 8
Scour.
Thanks, THIMBLETON; and, gentle BUT­TONELLI.
Trul.
Is he alive and well?
But.
He and BUCKRAMO,
With each a hundred squires, are now preparing —
Thim.
For dire encounter on the plains of Smith­field.
Scour.
O fly with me, TRULLETTA! and prevent
The broil fraternal.
Trul.
Broil fraternal! ha! —
9 Let all, except SCOURELLA, leave the room —
Exeunt But. and Thim.
What mean'st thou — by fraternal?
Scour.
Ask no more;
The secret I'll unravel as we go.

SCENE III.

West-Smithfield.
MADRIGAL, LYRIC, ACROSTIC, FUSTIANO, EPIGRAM, and their party.
a flourish.
Mad.
The storm subsides: the full-orb'd moon illumes,
With silver beams, yon cloudless canopy,
And seems, my friends! to smile upon our cause 10
My fellow-warriors! brethren of the muse!
Remember this is the PHARSALIAN field,
That must immortalize the name of Bard,
Or blast it with eternal infamy —
But hark! yon trumpet speaks th'approaching foe —
Charge you their right, ACROSTIC — I and LYRIC
The center — FUSTIANO, you the left —
You, EPIGRAM, must wheel your phalanx round,
And, as your rhyming custom always is,
Gall, sting them in the rear — now draw your ink­horns,
And on them make this great, this solemn vow,
(Or else my penknife, with unbatter'd edge, 11
[Page 50]I'll sheath again undeeded) that each bard,
Who 'scapes the battle's rage, in pompous lays
Will paint the glories of a brother slain;
That every son of verse, who falls this night,
May live immortal in a brother's song — 12
Your inkhorns to your lips 13 — this do you swear; 14
As rhyme and numbers at your most need help you.
All.
We swear.
Mad.
Then let us all embrace.
Ac.
Now on.
Fus.
The tecbir?
Mad.
Clio, and Trulletta's eyes. 15

SCENE IV.

BUCKRAMO, GOOSINO, BODKINDA, PRESSBOARDA­LIO, YARDWANDELLI, and the rest of their party.
a flourish.
Buck.
Thy train-band lore in martial science asks
The chief command, GOOSINO — be it thine —
BODKINDA, PRESSBOARDALIO, YARDWANDELLI,
Sons of the needle all, the foes at hand.
Now act like men; or by yon azure heaven — 16
Goos.
The word of onset?
Buck
Cabbage, and Saint George.
Goos.
Then, slaughter and black vengeance, fall on gruff;
And damn'd be they that first cry, hold, enough. 17
fight off the stage.

SCENE V.

BUCKRAMO, and a TAYLOR.
Buck.
Haste to GOOSINO, bid him turn his force
On EPIGRAM, or all is lost: our rear
Gives way — by hell, they fly! the dastards fly! —
Perdition! sulphur! vengeance! death and de­vils! 18
Excursions.

SCENE VI.

MADRIGAL.
19 A shield! a shield! my Genius for a shield!
I think there be ten BUCKRAMS in the field,
[Page 52]Nine I have slain to-day instead of him.
A shield! a shield! my Genius for a shield!
Excursions.

SCENE VII.

EPIGRAM, BODKINDA, and three of BUCKRAMO'S Party.
1st Taylor.
Submit, or die.
Ep.
No: such divinity 20
Doth hedge a bard, that my great spirit smiles 21
At your drawn bodkins, and defies their points —
The gods take care of EPIGRAM. 22
1st Tay.
Then this
all wound him.
To try their care.
all wound him.
2d Tay.
And this.
all wound him.
3d Tay.
And this.
all wound him.
Bod.
And this.
all wound him.
Ep.
Et tu, BODKINDA? — then fall EPIGRAM. 23
Dies.
Bod.
This for thy coat unpaid — thy waistcoat this — 24
And this thy breeches — now to further slaughter.
Excursions.

SCENE VIII.

MADRIGAL, LYRIC, and Bards in pursuit,
Mad.
25 Victoria! Victoria! they fly!
Like hares pursued the base plebeans fly! —
Io triumphe! — such another blow
Will end the war, and crown with victory
Compleat our arms puissant — valiant LYRIC!
The greatest chief, antiquity can boast,
Might wonder at the wonders thou hast done.
How shall acknowledgment enough reward 26
Thy worth unparallel'd?
Ly.
You touch me there,
Where modesty most exquisitely feels. 27
You bleed, my prince!
Mad.
A scratch from BUCKRAM'S point:
No more.

SCENE IX.

MADRIGAL, LYRIC, POET.
Po.
Away, my chief; the day is lost!
GOOSINO to the flying foe oppos'd
His ireful point, and cut off all retreat —
Like hunted boars, in wild despair they turn'd
On their pursuers, madly fought, and conquer'd —
Heaps of Parnassian carcases are pil'd
Olympus-high — ACROSTIC bites the plain —
FUSTIANO fled — scarce half a score of bards
[Page 54]Are left alive to grace the victor's car.
Mad.
Death and damnation! oh! 28
Po.
I bring alas!
Yet heavier tydings — With dishevell'd hair,
29 Thy mobless queen rush'd through the ranks of death,
Almost alone, amidst a croud of foes, 30
In search of thee — a random bodkin reach'd
Her tender bosom — but I can no more —
Tears choak my utt'rance.
Mad.
O ye cruel gods!

SCENE X.

To them TRULLETTA, supported by her Pages.
Trul.
Now have I reach'd my wishes utmost goal 31
To die in MADRIGAL'S blest arms.
Mad.
Alas!
32 The iron hand of death is on thee — e'er
Life's lamp be quite extinguish'd, speak, oh! speak
Some peace, some comfort to thy mournful bard!
Trul.
May the shrill catcall's knell, the boxes sneer, 33
[Page 55]The hiss of faction, or the templar's groan,
Ne'er blast thy muse's offspring on the stage!
But heels, sticks, hands, in thund'ring peals, attend
Thy race dramatic to their thrice-third night —
May ever-blooming laurels crown thy brow,
And fame — immortal fame — the rest is silence.
Dies.
Mad.
Dead! dead! oh dead! — is there no death for me? 34
Ly.
Hold thy rash hand — this widow'd isle would mourn,
35 In tears of blood, the loss of such a bard.
Think of immortal fame, and deathless honours —
Live, and pursue the labours of thy muse;
And all eternity is thine.
Mad.
How die 36
The thoughts of death in friendship's soft persua­sion! —
Yes thou hast rous'd me into life again,
And last posterity's posterity 37
Shall bless thee for thy counsel — Gods! cruel gods!
Take notice, I forgive you 38 — yet, my LYRIC!
Something like poison courses thro' my veins, 39
Boils in my bowels, and works out my soul.
Ly.
'Tis fancy all — and yet thy looks are chang'd.
Mad.
[Page 56]
Let me sink gently down on the cold ground —
O I am all on fire! a thousand hells
Blaze in my bosom! streams of molten lead 40
Hiss thro' my veins, and burn my body up —
LYRIC! I die — my posthumous productions 41
I leave to thy correcting hand — with care,
O! with the greatest care, my dearest friend,
Revise, and to the flames commit whate'er
Shall seem unworthy my great muse — my fame
Is in thy hands — Remember the vast trust —
42 My grateful ghost shall rise to thank thee for't.

SCENE XI.

MADRIGAL, LYRIC, BUCKRAMO, STRAPADA, SCOURELLA, GOOSINO, BODKINDA, PRESSBOAR­DALIO, YARDWANDELLI, Pages, and the conquer­ing Party, with Prisoners.
Buck.
Got by a templar, while my father liv'd 43
In cruel exile on Columbian shores! 44
Then I am sentenc'd to eternal woe! —
Eternal? yes, eternal, and eternal — 45
[Page 57]Honour'd SCOURELLA, had I known but this
A little hour ago 46 we might have liv'd
In amity fraternal — but alas!
When stern BELLONA seem'd, with step-dame look
To lour upon our arms, I daub'd this point
47 With unguent, bought of mountebank so pois'­nous,
That if the Aesculapian deity,
Instead of my poor brother, had been scratch'd,
48 In half an hour the god himself were mortal.
Goos.
Then thou hast done a deed the very devils
Would startle at — secure the murd'ring chief.
Mad.
(raving)
Ha! who art thou with catcall in thy hand, 49
Whose looks malign, and yellow eyes bespeak
A jaundic'd mind? — by hell! thou art the monster
Yclep'd a critick — seize him, devils! seize him!
Whip him with scorpion's stings, and rods of iron!
Roast him in elemental fire, and baste
His hissing frame with boiling sulphur, mix'd
With his own gall.
Scou.
[Page 58]
O my poor raging child!
Buck.
O monster! monster!
beats his breast.
Mad.
Zembla's isles of ice
Are in me — how I shiver! — cold! cold! cold!
( 50 Ghosts of Cabbagino and Trulletta rise.)
Angels, and ministers of grace, defend me! — 51
They wave me — stay, ye dear illusions; stay! 52
I come to join you.
Ghosts descend.
Ly.
Help! O help to hold him!
Mad.
Hark! how it thunders!—what a flash was there!
The temple's all on fire — see how the naked clerks
And gownless vestals from the windows leap,
To 'scape the flaming ruin — off your ruffian hands,
Ye damn'd inhuman dogs — ye shall not part us —
53 Nor life, nor death, nor heaven, nor hell shall part us —
TRULLETTA — oh! they tear—they tear thee from me —
My feeble arms can hold — no longer hold thee —
54 Oh my TRULLETTA — TRULLY — TRULL — oh! oh!
Dies.
Ly.
He's gone! the great, th' immortal bard is gone!
Press.
There crack'd the cordage of a noble heart. 55
Goos.
[Page 59]
Then drag your chief to justice.
Buck.
Soft, my friends: 56
I've done the craft some service, and they know it.
Once in the noon of night, at Southwark fair,
When a malignant barber sadly maul'd
A taylor's 'prentice, and traduc'd the trade,
I took by th' throat the circum-dusty dog,
And smote him thus.
stabs himself with his bodkin and falls.
Yard.
O bloody period!
Buck.
Draw near, STRAPADA — nearer yet — at­tend
My last request — comfort my mourning mother —
Thou long hast lov'd her — take her to thy arms,
Dispel her griefs, and — cheer her orphan age.
Strap.
Thy will shall be religiously observ'd. 57
Buck.
58 Thus let me thank thee — and — the rest is — oh!
Dies.
Scou.
Alas! that in one circling sun alone,
A poor lone mother should her two sons lose!
Strap.
The gods enable thee to bear the loss —
[Page 60]Let us, my friends, about the sad interment
Of this unhappy pair — BUCKRAMO'S suicide
Forbids the holy rites of funeral —
From hence let fierce contending lovers know
What dire effects from rival discord flow.
'Tis this that shakes each country with alarms,
Gives up hot youth a prey to youthful arms:
Produces fraud, and cruelty, and strife,
59 And robs the guilty world of a BARD'S life.
A Procession.
THE END.

EPILOGUE.
Design'd to be spoken by SCOURELLA.

FROM the dear swain, who promises to wed me,
My curiosity hath hither led me,
To know what fate attends our author's lays;
Videlicet, the halter, or the bays —
You've heard the cause his buskin'd fourtunes rest on;
To damn, or not 40 damn, is now the question:
Yet e'er his awful judges come to sentence,
List, list, O! list to me, your late acquaintance.
Behind the curtain our dramatic Wight,
(I never saw more miserable sight)
Stalks o'er the stage in deep-dejected air,
A living monument of sad despair,
Soliloquizing thus — " The die is thrown;
And I must stand or fall by — what? — the town —
The town — perhaps the criticks — there's the rub —
The town encourages, the criticks snub
An author's hope — but how to mercy bend'em —
I'm weary of conjectures — this must end'em.
Pulling out a halter.
Such his complaint, so pitiful his moan,
It would have mollified a heart of stone.
I've told his case to make you cry — or laugh.
Now for a word or two in his behalf.
Ladies and Gents, our bard's but a beginner,
'Twere pity to cut off so young a sinner:
Even justice sometimes strains a statute's sense.
To spare a Culprit, in his first offence.
Receive this novel brat with kind applause,
And, if I'm read in divination's laws,
I prophecy — ay, now begin your laughter —
Our hempen bard will please you all hereafter.

ODE to the procession, at the end of the third act.

AIR.
HARK! the bell, with doleful hum,
To the lagging corse cries come.
To the lagging corse the bell,
Sounds, with doleful hum, this knell.
CABBAGINO, come away!
Hasten to thy kindred day!
To thy kindred day, O haste!
Faster yet, and yet more fast;
To thy kindred day, O come!
Sounds the bell with doleful bum."
RECITATIVE.
When law had hemm'd on death, his foll'wer,
To take our master by the collar,
We press'd him, with our low beseeches,
To pocket up all former breaches,
Nor sit in's skirts with such fell strife,
To prick him off the list of life.
As buckram stiff, the cross-grain'd glutton,
Regarding not our suit a button;
Replies, give o'er your sleeveless whining.
I'll have the body, hell the lining;
Then singeing hot pluck'd out his shears,
Cut off the remnant of his years.
AIR.
Mourn, ye beaus, with drooping head;
Mourn, your second maker dead.
When nature botch'd the human shape,
And 'stead of man produc'd an ape,
Our sage's art repair'd the slaw,
And from an ape a beau could draw.
CHORUS.
Mourn, ye beaus, with drooping head;
Mourn, your second maker dead.
GRAND CHORUS.
Hark! the bell, with doleful hum,
Cries, O CABBAGINO! come.
CABBAGINO, come away!
Hasten to thy kindred clay!
Hasten to thy kindred tomb!
CABBAGINO! come, come, come.

ODE to GOG and MAGOG, at the end of the fourth act.

MADRIGAL.
GUardian LARES of Guildhall,
Hear a mournful suppliant's call!
TRULLETTA.
Hear a mournful suppliant's call,
Guardian LARES of Guildhall!
CHIEF PRIEST.
With guardful eye, great GOG attend,
The health of our endanger'd friend!
MAGOG, attend with guardful eye,
Poor SCULLIONA'S agony!
MAGOG and GOG, each, both attend,
The health of our endanger'd friend!
CHORUS of PRIESTS and VIRGINS.
MAGOG and GOG, each, both attend,
The health of our endanger'd friend!
CHIEF PRIEST.
Permit not death, with cruel strife,
To blast her in the spring of life;
But, in compassion to our prayers,
To summer's verge extend her years;
And when so far you've kindly brought 'em.
Protract her mortal date to autumn;
And do not then, like niggards, stint her,
But let her live to age's winter.
CHORUS.
And do not then, &c.
CHIEF PRIEST.
The longest life of mortal man,
Is but a short, a little span;
Then send not death, your ghastly porter,
To cut that little span yet shorter.
CHORUS.
Then send not death, &c.
CHIEF PRIEST.
GOG and MAGOG, hear, O hear!
GOG and MAGOG, lend an ear!
GOG and MAGOG hear, and save,
SCULLY from a present grave!
SCULLY'S danger'd health restore,
GOG and MAGOG, we implore!
GOG and MAGOG, we implore,
SCULLY'S danger'd health restore!
CHORUS.
GOG and MAGOG hear, O hear! &c.

ODE for the procession, at the end of the fifth act.

CHORUS of PRIESTS and BARDS.
HE's fled, he's gone! th' immortal bard,
Whose song would charm a savage pard,
Fled to return no more!
Parnassus drops its towering head,
Apollo wails the fav'rite dead;
His loss the NINE deplore.
CHORUS of PRIESTS and VIRGINS.
She's fled! the lovely nymph is gone!
Whose charms would fire a breast of stone;
Fled never to return!
Diana and the Cyprian queen,
With ceaseless sighs, and tristful mien,
Their breathless fav'rite mourn.
RECITATIVE.
Bards.
Of temper sweet, of manners mild —
Virgins.
She was a dear, an only child —
Bards.
Such harmony his numbers bless'd —
Virgins.
Such dignity her person grac'd —
Bards.
Such majesty his lays attended —
Virgins.
Such sov'reignty her mein befriended —
Bards.
He was the tuneful sisters' boast —
Virgins.
And of St. Giles's she the toast: —
Bards.
'Mongst wits he claim'd the highest post, —
Virgins.
'Mongst fairest nymphs she rul'd the roast. —
CHORUS of PRIESTS, BARDS, and VIRGINS.
He was the tuneful sisters' boast,
And of St. Giles's she the toast;
'Mongst wits he claim'd the highest post,
'Mongst fairest nymphs she rul'd the roast.
DUETTO.
In one grave were never laid,
Such a BARD, and such a MAID.
CHORUS.
Britons, mourn! the loss deplore;
Wit and beauty are no more!
Where is now your country's boast?
Fled, alas! forever lost!
Never, never, to return!
Mourn, lamenting Britons, mourn!
Mourn your fate, your loss deplore;
Wit and beauty are no more!

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