THIS is a Proverb so common in Every-body's Mouth, that I wonder No-body has yet thought it worth while to draw proper In­ferences from it, and expose those little Abuses, which, tho' they seem trifling, and as it were scarce worth Considera­tion, yet by Insensible Degrees, they may become of injurious Consequence to the Pub­lick; like some Diseases, whose first Symptoms are only trifling Disorders, yet by Continu­ance and Progression, their last Periods ter­minate in the Destruction of the whole Hu­mane Fabrick.

In Contradiction therefore to this general Rule, and out of sincere Love and Well-meaning to the Publick, give me leave to enumerate [Page 4] the Abuses insensibly crept in among us, and the Inconveniences daily arising from the In­solence and Intrigues of our Servant Wenches, who, by their caballing together, have made their Party so considerable, that Every-body cries out against 'em; and yet, to verify the Proverb, No-body has thought of, or at least proposed a Remedy, altho' such an Under­taking (mean as it seems to be) I hope will one Day be thought worthy the Considera­tion of our King, Lords, and Commons.

Women Servants are now so scarce, that from 30 and 40 Shillings a Year, their Wa­ges are increased of late to 6, 7, and 8 Pounds per Annum, and upwards; insomuch, that an ordinary Tradesman cannot well keep one; but his Wife, who might be useful in his Shop, or Business, must do the Drudgery of Houshold Affairs: and all this, because our Servant Wenches are so puff'd up with Pride, now a Days, that they never think they go fine enough: It is a hard Matter to know the Mistress from the Maid by their Dress, nay very often the Maid shall be much the finer of the two. Our Woollen Manufacture suffers much by this, for now, nothing but Silks and Sattins will go down with our Kitchen Wenches, and it is to support this intollerable Pride, that they have insensibly raised their Wages to such a Heighth, as was never known in any Age or Nation but this.

[Page 5] Let us trace this from the beginning, and suppose a Person has a Servant Maid sent him out of the Country at 50 Shillings, or 3 Pounds a Year. The Girl has scarce been a Week, nay, a Day in her Service, but a Committee of Servant Wenches are appoint­ed to examine her, who advise her to raise her Wages, or give warning; to encourage her to which, the Herb-Woman or Chandler-Woman, or some other old Intelligencer, pro­vides her a Place of 4 or 5 Pounds a Year; this sets Madam cock-a-hoop, and she thinks of nothing now but Vails and high Wages, and so gives warning from Place to Place, 'till she has got her Wages up to the tip-top.

Her Neat's Leathern Shoes are now transform'd into lac'd Shoes with high Heels; her Yarn Stockings are turn'd into fine Worsted ones, with silk Clocks; and her high Wooden Pat­tens are kickt away for Leathern Clogs; she must have a Hoop too, as well as her Mistress; and her poor scanty Linsey-Woolsey Petticoat is changed into a good Silk one, 4 or 5 Yards wide at the least: Not to carry the Descrip­tion farther, in short, plain Country- Joan is now turn'd into a fine London-Madam, can drink Tea, take Snuff, and carry her self as high as the best.

If she is tollerably handsome, and has any share of Cunning, the Apprentice or her Master's Son is entic'd away and ruin'd [Page 6] by her. Thus many good Families are impove­rished and disgrac'd by these Pert Sluts, who, taking the Advantage of a Young Man's Sim­plicity and unruly Desires, draw many heed­less Youths, nay, some of good Estates into their Snares; and of this we have but too many Instances.

Some more artful shall conceal their Condition, and palm themselves on Young Fellows for Gentlewomen, and great For­tunes; How many Families have been ruin'd by these Ladies? When the Father or Master of the Family, preferring the flirt­ing Airs of a young wanton prinkt up Strum­pet, to the artless sincerity of a plain, grave, and good Wife, has given his Desires a-loose, and destroy'd Soul, Body, Family and Estate. But they are very favourable if they wheedle No-body into Matrimony, but only make a Pre­sent of a small live Creature, no bigger than a Bastard to some of the Family, no matter who gets it; when a Child is born it must be kept.

Our Sessions Papers of late are crowded with Instances of Servant Maids robbing their Places, this can be only attributed to their devilish Pride; for their whole Enquiry now a Days, is how little they shall do, how much they shall have.

But all this while they make so little re­serve, that if they fall sick the Parish must [Page 7] keep 'em, if they are out of Place, they must prostitute their Bodies, or starve, so that from chopping and changing, they generally pro­ceed to whoring and thieving, and this is the Reason why our Streets swarm with Strum­pets.

Thus many of 'em rove from Place to Place, from Bawdy-House to Service, and from Ser­vice to Bawdy-House again, ever unsettled, and never easy, nothing being more common than to find these Creatures one Week in a good Family, and the next in a Brothel: This Amphibious Life makes 'em fit for nei­ther, for if the Bawd uses them ill, away they trip to Service, and if their Mistress gives 'em a wry Word, whip they're at a Bawdy-House again, so that in Effect they neither make good Whores or good Ser­vants.

Those who are not thus slippery in the Tail, are light of Finger, and of these the most pernicious, are those who beggar you Inch-meal. If a Maid is a downright Thief, she strips you at once, and you know your Loss; but your retail Pilferers waste you insensibly, and tho' you hardly miss it, yet your Substance shall decay to such a de­gree, that you must have a very good Bottom indeed, not to feel the ill Effects of such Moths in your Family.

[Page 8] Tea, Sugar, Wine, &c. or any such trifling Commodities are reckoned no Thefts, if they do not directly take your Pewter from your Shelf, or your Linnen from your Draw­ers, they are very Honest: What harm is there, say they, in cribbing a little Matter for a Junket, or a merry Bout or so? Nay, there are those that when they are sent to Market for one Joint of Meat, shall take up two on their Master's Account, and leave one by the Way, for some of these Maids are very cha­ritable, and can make a shift to maintain a small Family with what they can Purloin from their Masters and Mistresses.

If you send 'em with ready Money they turn Factors, and take 3 d. or 4 d. in the Shil­ling Brokeridge. And here let me take Notice of one very heinous Abuse, not to say petty Felony, which is practiced in most of the great Families about Town, and that is, when the Tradesmen gives the House-keeper, or other commanding Servant, a Penny or two Pence in the Shilling, or so much in the Pound, for every Thing they send in, which from thence is called Poundage.

This, in my Opinion, is the greatest of Villanies, and ought to incur some Punish­ment, yet nothing is more common, and our topping Tradesmen, who seem otherwise to stand mightily on their Credit, make this but a Matter of Course and Custom. [Page 9] If I don't, says one, another will, (for the Servant is sure to pick a Hole in the Per­sons Coat, who shall not pay Contribu­tion:) Thus this wicked Practice is carried on and wink'd at, while receiving of stolen Goods, and confederating with Felons, which is not a jot worse, is so openly cry'd out against, and so severely punish'd.

And yet if a Master or Mistress enquire after any Thing missing, they must be sure to place their Words in due Form, or Madam huffs and flings about at a strange Rate, What would you make a Thief of her? Who would live with such mistrust­ful Folks? Thus you are obliged to hold your Tongue, and sit down quietly by your loss, for fear of offending your Maid, for­sooth.

Again, if your Maid shall maintain one, two, or more Persons from your Table, whe­ther they are her poor Relations, Coun­try Folk, or Servants out of Place, or whe­ther they are Shoe-cleaners, Chare-women, Porters, or any other of her menial Servants who do her Ladyships Drudgery, and go of her Errands, you must not grumble or complain at your Expence, or ask, What is become of such a Thing, or such a Thing? altho' it might never so reasonably be supposed, that it was altogether impossible to have so much expen­ded in your Family; but hold your Tongue [Page 10] for Peace sake, or Madam will say, You grudge her Victuals, and expose you to the last De­gree all over the Neighbourhood.

Thus have they a Salve for every Sore, cheat you to your Face, and insult you into the Bar­gain; nor can you help your self without ex­posing yourself, or putting yourself into a Pas­sion.

Another great Abuse crept in among us, is the giving of Vails, to Servants; this was intended originally as an Incouragement to willing and handy Servants, but by Custom and Corruption it is now grown to be a Thorn in our Sides, and, like other good Things, abused, does more hurt than good; for now they make it a Perquisite, a material Part of their Wages; nor must their Master give a Supper, but the Maid expects the Guests should pay for it, nay, sometimes through the Nose. Thus have they spirited People up to this unnecessary and burthensome Piece of Generosity, unknown to our Fore-Fathers, who only gave Gifts to Servants at Christmass-tide, which Custom is yet kept up into the Bargain, insomuch, that a Maid shall have 8 Pounds per Annum, in a Gentleman's or Merchant's Family: And if her Master is a Man of a free Spirit, and receives much Company, she very often doubles her Wages by her Vails; thus having Meat, Drink, Washing, and Lodging for her La­bour, [Page 11] she throws her whole Income upon her Back, and by this Means looks more like the Mistress of the Family, than the Servant-Wench.

And now we have mention'd washing, I would ask some good House-wifely Gentlewo­men, If Servant-Maids wearing printed Lin­nens, Cottons, and other Things of that Na­ture, which require frequent washing, do not, by enhauncing the Article of Soap, add more to House-keeping, than the Generality of People would imagine? And yet these Wenches cry out against great Washes, when their own unnecessary Dabs are very often the Occa­sion.

But the greatest Abuse of all, is, that these Creatures are become their own Law­givers; nay, I think they are ours too, tho' No-body would imagine that such a Set of Slatterns should bamboozle a whole Nation: But it is neither better or worse, they hire themselves to you by their own Rule.

That is, a Month's Wages, or a Month's Warning; if they don't like you they will go away the next Day, help yourself how you can; if you don't like them, you must give them a Month's Wages to get rid of them.

This Custom of Warning, as practis'd by our Maid-Servants, is now become a great Inconvenience to Masters and Mistresses. You [Page 12] must carry your Dish very upright, or Miss, forsooth, gives you Warning, and you are either left destitute, or to seek for a Servant: So that generally speaking, you are seldom or never fix'd, but always at the Mercy of every new Servant to divulge your Fami­ly-Affairs, to inspect your private Life, and treasure up the Sayings of yourself and Friends. A very great Confinement, and much complain'd of in most Families.

Thus have these Wenches, by their con­tinual Plotting and Cabals, united themselves into a formidable Body, and got the Whip-Hand of their Betters; they make their own Terms with us; and two Servants now, will scarce undertake the Work which one might perform with Ease, yet notwithstanding they have rais'd their Wages to a most exorbitant Pitch; and, I doubt not, if there be not a Stop put to their Career, but they will bring Wages up to twenty Pounds per Annum in time, for they are much about half Way already.

'Tis by these Means they run away with a great Part of our Money, which might be better employ'd in Trade; and what is worse, by their insolent Behaviour, their Pride in Dress, and their exorbitant Wages, they give Birth to the following Inconveniences.

First, They set an ill Example to our Chil­dren, our Apprentices, our Covenant-Servants, and other Dependants, by their saucy and [Page 13] insolent Behaviour, their pert, and sometimes abusive, Answers, their daring Defiance of Correction, and many other Insolencies which Youth are but too apt to imitate.

2 dly, By their Extravagance in Dress, they put our Wives and Daughters upon yet greater Excesses, because they will (as indeed they ought) go finer than the Maid: Thus the Maid striving to out-do the Mistress, the Tradesman's Wife to out-do the Gentleman's Wife, the Gentleman's Wife emulating the Lady, and the Ladies one another, it seems as if the whole Business of the female Sex, were nothing, but Excess of Pride, and Extra­vagance in Dress.

3 dly, The great Height to which Women-Servants have brought their Wages, makes a Mutiny among the Men-Servants, and puts them upon raising their Wages too: So that in a little Time our Servants will become our Partners, nay, probably, run away with the better Part of our Profits, and so make Ser­vants of us vice versa. And, yet with all these Inconveniences, we cannot possibly do without these Creatures, let us therefore, cease to talk of the Abuses arising from 'em, and begin to think of redressing 'em. I do not set up for a Law-giver, so shall lay down no certain Rules, humbly submitting in all things, to the Wisdom of our Legislature. Therefore what I offer shall be under Cor­rection, [Page 14] and upon Conjecture, my utmost Am­bition being but to give some Hint to remedy this growing Evil, and leave the Prosecution to abler Heads.

And first it would be necessary to settle and limit their Wages, from forty and fifty Shillings to four and five Pounds per Annum, that is to say, according to their Merits and Capa­cities: For Example, a young unexperienc'd Servant to have 40 s. per Annum 'till she qualifies herself for a larger Sum; a Servant who can do all Houshold-Work, or, as the good Women term it, can take her Work and leave her Work, should have four Pounds per Annum; and those who have liv'd seven Years in one Service, should ever after demand five Pounds per Annum; for I would very fain have some particular Encouragements and Privileges given to such Servants, who should continue long in a Place; it would incite a Desire to please, and cause an Emulation very beneficial to the Publick.

I have heard of an ancient Charity in the Parish of St. Clement's-Danes, where a Sum of Money, or Estate, is left, out of the Interest or Income of which, such Maid-Servants, who have liv'd in that Parish seven Years in one Service, if they please to demand it, receive a Reward of ten Pounds a Piece.

This is a noble Benefaction, and shews the publick Spirit of the Donor; but Every-body's [Page 15] Business is No-body's, for I have not heard that such Reward has been paid to any Ser­vant of late Years; a thousand pities that a Gift of that Nature should sink in Oblivion, and not be kept up as an Example to in­cite all Parishes to do the like.

The Romans had a Law, call'd Jus Trium Liberorum, by which every Man who had been Father of three Children had particular Honours and Privileges: This incited the Youth to quit a dissolute single Life, and be­come Fathers of Families, to the Support and Glory of the Empire.

In Imitation of this most excellent Law, I would have such Servants, who should continue many Years in one Service, meet with singular Esteem and Reward.

The Apparel of our Women-Servants should be next regulated, that we may know the Mistress from the Maid. I remember I was once put very much to the Blush, being at a Friend's House, and by him requir'd to salute the Ladies, I kiss'd the Chamber-Jade in to the bargain, for she was as well dress'd as the best. But I was soon undeceiv'd by a general Titter, that gave me the utmost Confusion, nor can I believe myself the only Person who has made such a Mistake.

Things of this Nature would be avoided, if our Servant-Maids were to wear Liveries, as our Footmen do; or if they were oblig'd to [Page 16] go in a Dress suitable to their Station. What should ail them, but a Jacket and Petticoat of good Yard-wide Stuff, or Callimanco might keep 'em decent and Warm.

Our Charity Children are distinguish'd by their Dress, why then may not our Women Servants? Why may they not be made frugal per force, and not put all on their Backs, but save something against a rainy Day? I am there­fore entirely against any Servants wearing of Silks, Laces, and other superfluous Finery; it sets them above themselves, and makes their Mistresses contemptible in their Eyes. I am handsomer than my Mistress; says a young prink'd up Baggage, what pity 'tis I should be her Servant; I go as well dress'd or better than she. This makes the Girl take the first Offer to be made a Whore, and there is a good Servant spoil'd; whereas were her Dress but suitable to her Condition, it would teach her Humility, and put her in Mind of her Duty.

Besides, the fear of spoiling their Cloaths makes them afraid of Houshold-Work; so that in a little Time we shall have none but Chamber-maids, and Nursery-Maids; and of this let me give one Instance: My Family is composed of my self and Sister, a Man and a Maid; and being without a Servant, a young Wench came to hire her self as a Servant; the Man was gone out, and my Sister above [Page 17] Stairs, so I open'd the Door my self, and this Person presented herself to my View, dress'd compleatly, and more like a Visitor than a Servant-Maid; she, not knowing me, ask'd for my Sister: Pray Madam, said I, be pleas'd to walk into the Parlour, and she shall wait on you presently. Accordingly, I handed Madam in, who took it very cordially. After some Apology, I left her alone for a Minute or two, while I (stupid Wretch!) runs up to my Sister, and told her there was a Gentlewoman below come to visit her. Dear Brother, said she, don't leave her alone, go down and entertain her while I dress my self. Accordingly, down I went, and talk'd of indifferent Affairs with Madam; mean while my Sister dress'd herself all over again, not being willing to be seen in an Undress. At last she came down dress'd as clean as her Visitor: but how great was my Surprize, when I found my fine Lady a common Ser­vant-Wench.

My Sister, understanding what she was, began to ask what Wages she expected? She modestly asked but eight Pounds a Year. The next Question was, what Work she could do to deserve such Wages? To this she answer'd, That she could clean a House, or dress a common Family-Dinner. But cannot you wash, reply'd my Sister, or get up Linnen? She answer'd in the Negative, [Page 18] and said, She would undertake neither, nor would she go into any Family that did not put out their Linnen to wash, and hire a Chare-wo­man to scour. She desir'd to see the House, and after having carefully survey'd it, said, The Work was too hard for her, nor could she undertake it. This put my Sister beyond all Patience, and me into the greatest Admiration. Young Wo­man, said she, you have made a Mistake, I want a House-Maid, and you are a Chamber-Maid. No Madam, reply'd she, I am not Needle-Woman enough for that. And yet you ask 8 Pounds a Year reply'd my Sister. Yes Madam, said she, nor shall I bate a Far­thing. Then get you gone for a lazy impudent Baggage, said I; you want to be a Boarder, and not a Servant: Have you a Fortune, or Estate, that you dress at that Rate? No Sir, said she, but I hope I may wear what I work for without Offence. What you work for, In­terrupted my Sister, why you don't seem wil­ling to undertake any: You will not wash or scour; you cannot dress a Dinner for Com­pany; you are no Needle-Woman, and our little House, of two Rooms on a Floor, is too much for you. For God's sake what can you do? Madam, reply'd she pertly; I know my Business; and don't fear a Service; there are more Places than Parish Churches; if you wash at Home, you should have a Laundry-Maid; [Page 19] if you give Entertainments, you must have a Cook-Maid; if you have any Needle-Work, you should have a Chamber-Maid; and such a House as this is enough for a House-Maid in all Conscience.

I was pleas'd at the Wit, and astonish'd at the Impudence of the Girl, and so dismiss'd her with Thanks for her Instructions; assuring her, that when I kept four Maids she should be House-Maid, if she pleas'd. Were a Ser­vant to do my Business with chearfulness, I should not grudge at five or six Pounds per Annum: Nor would I be so unchristian as to put more upon any one, than they can bear; but to pray, and pay too, is the Devil; and it is very hard, that I must keep four Ser­vants or none.

In great Families indeed, where many Servants are requir'd, these Distinctions of Chamber-Maid, House-Maid, Cook-Maid, Laundry-Maid, Nursery-Maid, &c. are re­quisite, to the End, that each may take her particular Business, and many Hands may make the Work light: But for a private Gentleman, of a small Fortune, to be oblig'd to keep so many Idle Jades, when one might do the Business, is intollerable, and matter of great Grievance.

I cannot close this Discourse without a gentle Admonition and Reproof to some of my own Sex, I mean those Gentlemen who [Page 20] give themselves unnecessary Airs, and cannot go to see a Friend, but they must kiss and slop the Maid; and all this is done with an Air of Gallantry, forsooth, and must not be resented: Nay, some Gentlemen are so silly, that they shall carry on an under­hand Affair, with their Friend's Servant-Maid, to their own Disgrace, and the Ruin of many a young Creature. Nothing is more base and ungenerous, yet nothing more common; and withal so little taken Notice of. D— me, Jack, says one Friend to another, this Maid of yours is a pretty Girl, you do so and so to her by G—d. This makes the Servant-Maid Pert, Vain and Impudent, and spoils many a good Servant.

What Gentleman will descend to this low Way of Intrigue, when he shall consider, that he has a Foot-Boy or an Apprentice for his Rival; and that he is seldom or never ad­mitted, but when they have been his Tasters: And the Fool of Fortune, tho' he comes at the latter End of the Feast, yet pays the whole Reckoning; and so indeed would I have all such silly Cullies serv'd.

If I must have an Intrigue, let it be with a Woman that shall not shame me. I would never go into the Kitchen, when the Parlour-Door was open. We are forbidden at High­gate, to kiss the Maid when we may kiss the Mistress: Why then will Gentlemen descend [Page 21] so low, by too much familiarity with these Creatures, to bring themselves into Con­tempt.

I have been at Places, where the Maid has been so dizzied with these idle Compliments, that she has mistook one Thing for another, and not regarded her Mistress in the least; but put on all the flirting Airs imaginable. But this Behaviour is no where so much com­plain'd of as in Taverns, Coffee-Houses, and Places of publick Resort, where there are handsome Bar-Keepers, &c. These Creatures being puff'd up with the fulsome flattery of a set of Flesh-Flies, that are continually buzzing about 'em, carry themselves with the utmost Insolence imaginable; insomuch, that you must speak to them with a great deal of Deference, or you are sure to be affronted. I was at a Coffee-House t'other Day, where one of these Ladies kept the Bar, and had bespoke a Dish of Rice-Tea; but Madam was so taken up with her Sparks, that she had quite forgot it. I spoke for it again, and with some Temper, but was answer'd after a most taunting Manner, not without a toss of the Head, a Contraction of the Nostrils, and other Impertinencies, too many to enumerate. Seeing my self thus publickly insulted by such an Animal, I could not chuse but shew my Resentment: Woman, said I, sternly, I want a Dish of Rice-Tea, and not what your [Page 22] Vanity and Impudence may imagine; therefore treat me as a Gentleman and a Customer, and serve me with what I call for, and keep your impertinent Repartees and impudent Behaviour for the Coxcombs, that swarm round your Bar, and make you so vain of your blown Carcass. And indeed I believe the Insolence of this Creature will ruin her Master at last, by driving away Men of Sobriety and Business, and making the Place a Den of Vagabonds and Rake-Hells.

Gentlemen therefore ought to be very cir­cumspect in their Behaviour, and not under­value themselves to Servant-Wenches, who are but too apt to treat a Gentleman Ill, when ever he puts himself into their Pow­er.

Let me now beg pardon for this Digression, and return to my Subject, by proposing some practicable Methods for regulating of Servants, which whether they are followed or not, yet if they afford Matter of Improvement and Speculation, it will answer the Heighth of my Expectation; and I will be the first who shall approve of whatever Improvements are made from this small Beginning.

The first Abuse I would have reform'd, is, that Servants should be restrain'd from throw­ing themselves out of Place on every idle Va­gary: This might be remedied were all Con­tracts between Master and Servant to be [Page 23] made before a Justice of the Peace, or other proper Officer, and a Memorandum thereof taken in Writing: Nor should such Servant leave his or her Place (for Men and Maids might come under the same Regulation) 'till the Time agreed on be expir'd, unless such Servant be misus'd or deny'd Necessaries, or show some other reasonable Cause for their Discharge. In that Case, the Master or Mi­stress should be reprimanded, or fin'd: But if Servants misbehave themselves, or leave their Places, not being regularly discharg'd, they ought to be amerc'd or punish'd. But all those idle ridiculous Customs and Laws of their own making, such as, a Month's Wa­ges or a Month's Warning, and such like, should be intirely set aside and abolish'd.

When a Servant has serv'd the limited Time duly and faithfully, they should be intitul'd to a Certificate, as is practiced at present in the Wool-Combing Trade: Nor should any Person hire a Servant without a Certificate, or other proper Security. A Servant without a Certificate should be deem'd a Vagrant: And a Master or Mistress ought to assign very good Reasons, when they object against giving a Servant his or her Certificate.

And tho' to avoid Prolixity, I have not mention'd Footmen particularly in the fore­going Discourse: Yet the Complaints alledg'd against the Maids are as well Masculine as [Page 24] Feminine, and very applicable to our Gentle­men's Gentlemen. I would therefore have them under the very same Regulations; and as they are Fellow Servants, would not make Fish of one and Flesh of the other, since daily Ex­perience teaches us, that ‘Never a Barrel the Better Herring.’

The next great Abuse among us is, that under the Notion of cleaning our Shoes, above Ten Thousand Wicked, Idle, Pilfering Va­grants, are permitted to patrol about our City and Suburbs. These are call'd the Black-Guard, who Black your Honour's Shoes, and incorporate themselves under the Title of the Worshipful Company of Jappanners.

Were this all, there were no hurt in it, and the whole might terminate in a Jest: But the mischief Ends not here, they corrupt our Youth, especially our Men-Servants; Oaths and Impudence are their only Flowers of Rheto­rick; Gaming and Thieving are the principal Parts of their Profession; but japanning, the Pre­tence. For Example, a Gentleman keeps a Servant, who, among other Things, is to clean his Masters Shoes; but our Gentlemen's Servants are above it now a-Days, and your Man's Man performs the Office; for which [Page 25] piece of Service you pay double and treble, especially if you keep a Table: For you are well off if the Jappanner has no more than his own Diet from your Table.

I have often observ'd these Rascals sneak­ing from Gentlemen's Doors with Wallets, or Hats, full of good Victuals, which they either carry to their Trulls, or sell for a Trifle. By this Means our Butcher's, our Baker's, our Poulterer's and Cheesemonger's Bills are monstrously exaggerated: Not to mention Candles just lighted, which sell for five Pence a Pound; many other Perquisites best known to themselves and the pilfering Villains their Confederates.

Add to this, that their continual Gaming sets Servants upon their Wits to supply this Extravagance, tho', at the same Time the Master's Pocket pays for it; and the Time, which should be spent in a Gentleman's Ser­vice, is loiter'd away among these Rake­hells: Insomuch, that half our Messages are inefectual, the Time intended being often ex­pir'd before the Message is deliver'd.

How many and frequent Robberies are committed by these Jappanners? And to how many more are they Confederates? Sil­ver-Spoons, Spurs, and other small Pieces of Plate, are every Day missing, and very often sound upon these sort of Gentlemen. Yet are they permitted, to the shame of all our good [Page 26] Laws, and the Scandal of our most excellent Government, to lurk about our Streets, to de­bauch our Servants and Apprentices, to sup­port an infinite Number of scandalous, shame­less Trulls, yet more wicked then them­selves: For not a jack among 'em, but must have his Gill.

By whom such Indecencies are daily acted even in our open Streets, as are very offensive to the Eyes and Ears of all sober Persons, and even abominable in a Christian Country.

In any Riot or other Disturbance, these Sparks are always the foremost; for most among 'em can turn their Hands to picking of Pockets; to run away with Goods from a Fire, or other publick Confusion; to snatch any Thing from a Woman, or Child; to strip a House when the Door is open; or any other Branch of a Thief's Profession.

In short, it is a Nursery for Thieves and Villains; modest Women are every Day in­sulted by them and their Strumpets; and such Children as run about the Streets, or such Servants as go on Errands, do but too fre­quently bring home some Scraps of their beastly, profane Wit; insomuch, that the Conversation of our lower Rank of People runs only upon Bawdy and Blasphemy, not­withstanding our Societies for Reformation, and our Laws in force against Profaness: For this lazy Life gets them many Proselites, their [Page 27] Numbers daily increasing by run-away Ap­prentices and Foot-Boys; insomuch that it is a very hard Matter for a Gentleman to get him a Servant, or for a Tradesman to find an Apprentice.

Innumerable other Mischiefs accrue, and others will spring up, from this Race of Cat­terpillars, who must be swept from out our Streets, or we shall be over-run with all man­ner of Wickedness.

But the Subject is so low, that it becomes disagreeable even to my self, give me leave therefore to propose a Way to clear the Streets of these Vermin, and to substitute as many honest industrious Persons in their stead, who are now starving for want of Bread, while these execrable Villains live (though in Rags and Nastiness, yet) in Plenty and Luxury.

I therefore humbly propose, that these Vagabonds be put immediately under the Command and Inspection of such Task-Ma­sters as the Government shall appoint, and that they be employ'd, punish'd and re­warded, according to their Capacities and Demerits; that is to say, the industrious and docible to Wool-combing and other Parts of the Woollen Manufacture, where Hands are wanted; as also to Husbandry and other Parts of Agriculture.

[Page 28] For it is evident, that there are scarce Hands enow in the Country to carry on either of these Affairs. Now these Vaga­bonds might not only by this Means be kept out of Harm's Way, but be render'd ser­viceable to the Nation. Nor is there any need of transporting 'em beyond Seas, for if any are refractory, they should be sent to our Stannaries and other Mines, to our Coal-Works and other Places, where hard Labour is requir'd. And here I must offer one Thing, never yet thought of, or proposed by any, and that is, the keeping in due Re­pair the Navigation of the River- Thames, so useful to our Trade in general: And yet of late Years such vast Hills of Sand are gathered together in several Parts of the River, as are very prejudicial to its Na­vigation. One of which is near London-Bridge, another near White-Hall, and an­other near Battersea. These two last in particular are of very great Hindrance to the Navigation. And indeed the Removal of them ought to be a National Concern, which I humbly propose may be thus ef­fected.

The rebellious Part of these Vagabonds, as also other Thieves and Offenders, should be form'd in Bodies under the Command of pro­per Officers, and under the Guard and Awe of our Soldiery. These should every Day [Page 29] at low Water carry away these Sand-Hills, and remove every other Obstruction to the Navigation of this most excellent and useful River.

It may be objected, that the Ballast-Men might do this; and that as fast as the Hills are taken away they would gather together again; or, that the Watermen might do it. To the first I answer, that the Ballast-Men, instead of taking from these Hills, make Holes in other Places of the River, which is the Reason so many young Persons are drown'd when swiming or bathing in the River. Besides, it is a Work for many Hands, and of long Continuance, so that Ballast-Men do more harm than good. The second Ob­jection is as silly, as if I should never wash my self because I shall be dirty again, and I think needs no other Answer. And as to the third Objection, the Watermen are not so publick spirited, they live only from Hand to Mouth, tho' not one of 'em but finds the Inconvenience of these Hills every Day, being obliged to go a great Way round about for fear of running a ground: Inso­much, that in a few Years the Navigation of that Part of the River will be intirely ob­structed. Nevertheless, every one of these Gentlemen-Watermen hopes it will last his Time, and so they all cry, the Devil take the hindmost; but yet I judge it highly ne­cessary, [Page 30] that this should be made a National Concern, like Dagenham-Breach, and that these Hills be remov'd by some Means or other.

And now I have mention'd Watermen, give me leave to complain of the Insolencies and Exactions they daily commit on the Ri­ver Thames, and in particular this one In­stance which cries aloud for Justice.

A young Lady of Distinction, in Company with her Brother, a little Youth, took a Pair of Oars at or near the Temple on May-Day last, and order'd the Men to carry them to Pepper-Alley-Stairs. One of the Fellows (according to their usual Impertinence) ask'd the Lady where she was going? She an­swer'd, near St. Olace's Church. Upon which he said, she had better go through Bridge. The Lady reply'd, she had never gone through Bridge in her Life, nor would she venture for an Hundred Guineas; so command­ed him once more to land her at Pepper-Alley-Stairs. Notwithstanding which, in spight of her Fears, Threats and Commands, nay, in spight of the Persuasion of his Fellow, he forc'd her through London-Bridge, which frighten'd her beyond Expression; and, to mend the matter, he oblig'd her to pay [...] [...]are, and mobb'd her into the Bargain.

[Page 31] To resent which Abuse, Application was made to the Hall, the Fellow summon'd, and the Lady order'd to attend, which she did, waiting there all the Morning, and appointed to call again in the Afternoon. She came ac­cordingly, but they told her the Fellow had been there, and was gone, so they appointed another Friday. She attended again, but to the same Purpose. Nor have they yet pro­duc'd the Man, but tir'd out the Lady, who has spent above ten Shillings in Coach-hire, been abus'd, and baffled into the Bargain.

It is pity therefore, that there are not Com­missioners for Watermen, as there are for Hackney-Coachmen; or that Justices of the Peace might not inflict bodily Penalties on Watermen thus offending. But while Wa­termen are Watermen's Judges, I shall laugh at those who carry their Complaints to the Hall.

The usual Plea in behalf of abusive Wa­termen is, that they are drunk, ignorant, or poor; but will that satisfy the Party ag­greiv'd, or defer the Offender from re-offend­ing? Whereas were the Offenders sent to the House of Correction, and there punish'd, or sentenc'd to work at the Sand-Hills afore­mention'd for a Time, suitable to the Nature of their Crimes, the Terror of such Punish­ments might make them fearful of offending, to the great Quiet of the Subject.

[Page 32] Now it will be ask'd, How shall we have our Shoes clean'd, or how are these indu­strious Poor to be maintain'd? To this I an­swer, that the Places of these Vagabonds may be very well supply'd by great Num­bers of ancient Persons, poor Widows and others, who have not enough from their re­spective Parishes to maintain 'em. These poor People I would have authoriz'd and station'd by the Justices of the Peace, or other Magistrates. Each of these should have a particular Walk or Stand, and no other Shoe-cleaner should come into that Walk unless the Person misbehave and be remov'd. Nor should any Person clean Shoes in the Streets, but these autho­riz'd Shoe-cleaners, who should have some Mark of Distinction, and be under the im­mediate Government of the Justices of the Peace.

Thus would many Thousands of poor People be provided for, without burthening their Parishes. Some of these may earn a Shilling or two in a Day, and none less then six Pence or thereabouts. And least the old Jappanners should appear again, in the shape of Link-Boys, and so knock down Gentlemen in Drink, and lead others out of the Way into dark remote Places, where they either put out their Lights and rob 'em themselves, or run away and leave 'em [Page 33] to be pillag'd by others, or perform any other Part of the thieving Function, I would have no Person carry a Link for Hire but some of these industrious Poor, and these not without some Ticket or Badge, to let People know who they trust. Thus would the Streets be clear'd Night and Day of these Vermin: Nor would Oaths, Skirmishes, Blasphemy, obscene Talk, or other wicked Examples be so publick and frequent. All gaming at Orange and Gingerbread-Barrows should be abolish'd, as also all Penny and half Penny Lotteries, Thimbles and Balls, &c. so frequent in Moorfields, Lincolns-Inn-Fields, &c. where Idle Fellows re­sort, to play with Children and Apprentices, and tempt them to steal their Parents or Ma­sters Money.

There is one admirable Custom in the City of London, which I could wish were imitated in the City and Liberties of West­minster, and Bills of Mortality, which is, no Porter can carry a Burthen, or Letter, in the City unless he be a Ticket-Porter: Whereas out of the Freedom-part of London, any Person may take a Knot and turn Porter, 'till he be intrusted with something of Value, and then you never hear of him more. This is very common and ought to be amended. I would therefore have all Porters under some such Regulation as Coachmen, Chairmen, Car­men [Page 34] &c. a Man may then know whom he intrusts, and not run the Risque of losing his Goods, &c. Nay I would not have a Person carry a Basket in the Markets, who is not subject to some such Regulation; for very many Persons oftentimes lose their Din­ner in sending their Meat home by Persons they know nothing of.

Thus would all our Poor be station'd, and a Man or Woman, able to perform any of these Offices, must either comply or be term'd an idle Vagrant, and so sent to a Place where they shall be forc'd to work. By this means Industry will be encourag'd, Idleness punish'd, and we shall be fam'd, as well as happy, for our Tranquility and Decorum.