DOUBLE FALSHOOD; OR, The DISTREST LOVERS.
ACT I. SCENE I.
SCENE, A Royal Palace.
SCENE II. Prospect of a Village at a Distance.
How comes the Duke to take such Notice of my Son, that he must needs have him in Court, and I must send him upon the View of his Letter?—Horsemanship! What Horsemanship has Julio? I think, he can no more but gallop a Hackney, unless he practised Riding in France. It may be, he did so; for he was there a good Continuance. But I have not heard him speak much of his Horsemanship. That's no Matter: if he be not a good Horseman, all's one in such a Case, he must bear. Princes are absolute; they may do what they will in any Thing, save what they cannot do.
O, come on, Sir; read this Paper: no more Ado, but read it: It must not be answer'd by my Hand, nor yours, but, in Gross, by your Person; your sole Person. Read aloud.
'Please you, to let me first o'erlook it, Sir.
I was this other day in a Spleen against your new Suits: I do now think, some Fate was the Taylour that hath fitted them: for, this Hour, they are for the Palace of the Duke.—Your Father's House is too dusty.
Hem!—to Court? Which is the better, to serve a Mistress, or a Duke? I am sued to be his Slave, and I sue to be Leonora's.
You shall find your Horsemanship much praised there; Are you so good a Horseman?
Take one Commendation with another, every Third's a Mock.—Affect not therefore to be praised. Here's a deal of Command and Entreaty mixt; there's no denying; you must go, peremptorily he inforces That.
What Fortune soever my Going shall encounter, cannot be good Fortune; What I part withal unseasons any other Goodness.
You must needs go; he rather conjures, than importunes.
No moving of my Love-Suit to him now?—
Great Fortunes have grown out of less Grounds.
What may her Father think of me, who expects to be sollicited this very Night?
Those scatter'd Pieces of Virtue, which are in him, the Court will solder together, varnish, and rectify.
He will surely think I deal too slightly, or unmannerly, or foolishly, indeed; nay, dishonestly; to bear him in hand with my Father's Consent, who yet hath not been touch'd with so much as a Request to it.
Well, Sir, have you read it over?
Yes, Sir.
And consider'd it?
As I can.
If you are courted by good Fortune, you must go.
So it please You, Sir.
By any Means, and to morrow: Is it not there the Limit of his Request?
It is, Sir.
I must bethink me of some Necessaries, without which you might be unfurnish'd: And my Supplies shall at all Convenience follow You. Come to my Closet by and by; I would there speak with You.
What, Julio, in publick? This Wooeing is too urgent. Is your Father yet moved in the Suit, who must be the prime Unfolder of this Business?
Chase!—Let Chase alone: No Matter for That.—You may halt after her, whom you profess to pursue, and catch her too; Marry, not [Page 9] unless your Father let you slip.—Briefly, I desire you, (for she tells me, my Instructions shall be both Eyes and Feet to her;) no farther to insist in your Requiring, 'till, as I have formerly said, Camillo make known to Me, that his good Liking goes along with Us; which but once breath'd, all is done; 'till when, the Business has no Life, and cannot find a Beginning.
His Father is as unsettled, as he is wayward, in his Disposition. If I thought young Julio's Temper were not mended by the Mettal of his Mother, I should be something crazy in giving my Consent to this Match: And, to tell you true, if my Eyes might be the Directors to your Mind, I could in this Town look upon Twenty Men of more delicate Choice. I speak not This altogether to unbend your Affections to him: But the Meaning of what I say is, that you set such Price upon yourself to him, as Many, and much his Betters, would buy you at; (and reckon those Virtues in you at the rate of their Scarcity;) to which if he come not up, you remain for a better Mart.
My Obedience, Sir, is chain'd to your Advice.
'Tis well said, and wisely. I fear, your Lover is a little Folly-tainted; which, shortly after it proves so, you will repent.
Sir, I confess, I approve him of all the Men I know; but that Approbation is nothing, 'till season'd by your Consent.
We shall hear soon what his Father will do, and so proceed accordingly. I have no great Heart to the Business, neither will I with any Violence oppose [Page 10] it: But leave it to that Power which rules in these Conjunctions, and there's an End. Come; haste We homeward, Girl.
SCENE III.
ACT II. SCENE I.
SCENE, The Prospect of a Village.
SOFT, soft you, Neighbour; who comes here? Pray you, slink aside.
Ha! Is it come to this? Oh the Devil, the Devil, the Devil!
Lo you now! for Want of the discreet Ladle of a cool Understanding, will this Fellow's Brains boil over.
Love! Love!—Downright Love! I see by the Foolishness of it.
Now then to Recollection—Was't not so? A Promise first of Marriage—Not a Promise only, for 'twas bound with Surety of a thousand Oaths;—and those not light ones neither.—Yet I remember too, those Oaths could not prevail; th' unpractis'd Maid trembled to meet my Love: By Force alone I [Page 14] snatch'd th' imperfect Joy, which now torments my Memory. Not Love, but brutal Violence prevail'd; to which the Time, and Place, and Opportunity, were Accessaries most dishonourable. Shame, Shame upon it!
What a Heap of Stuff's this—I fancy, this Fellow's Head would make a good Pedlar's Pack, Neighbour.
Hold, let me be severe to my Self, but not unjust.—Was it a Rape then? No. Her Shrieks, her Exclamations then had drove me from her. True, she did not consent; as true, she did resist; but still in Silence all.—'Twas but the Coyness of a modest Bride, not the Resentment of a ravisht Maid. And is the Man yet born, who would not risque the Guilt, to meet the Joy?—The Guilt! that's true—but then the Danger; the Tears, the Clamours of the ruin'd Maid, pursuing me to Court. That, that, I fear will (as it already does my Conscience) something shatter my Honour. What's to be done? But now I have no Choice. Fair Leonora reigns confest the Tyrant Queen of my revolted Heart, and Violante seems a short Usurper there.— Julio's already by my Arts remov'd.—O Friendship, how wilt thou answer That? Oh, that a Man could reason down this Feaver of the Blood, or sooth with Words the Tumult in his Heart! Then, Julio, I might be, indeed, thy Friend. They, they only should condemn me, who born devoid of Passion ne'er have prov'd the fierce Disputes 'twixt Virtue and Desire. While they, who have, like me,
This Man is certainly mad, and may be mischievous. Pr'ythee, Neighbour, let's follow him; but at some Distance, for fear of the worst.
SCENE II. An Apartment.
Lady, I know not That; nor is it in the Command I have to wait your Answer. For the perusing the Letter I commend you to your Leisure.
SCENE III. Prospect of a Village, before Don Bernard's House.
Pr'ythee, fear neither the One, nor the Other: I tell thee, Girl, there's more Fear than Danger. For my own part, as soon as Thou art married to this noble Lord, my Fears will be over.
Why then, by my Consent e'en take it back again. Thou, like a simple Wench, hast given thy Affections to a Fellow, that does not care a Farthing for them. One, that has left thee for a Jaunt to Court; as who should say, I'll get a Place now; 'tis Time enough to marry, when I'm turn'd out of it.
Mad; Mad. Stark mad, by this Light.
Go to, you're a Fool. No doubt, You have old Stories enough to undo you.—What, you can't throw yourself away but by Precedent, ha?—You will needs be married to One, that will None of You? You will be happy no Body's way but your own, forsooth.—But, d'ye mark me, spare your Tongue for the future; (and That's using you hardly too, to bid you spare what you have a great deal too much of:) Go, go your ways, and d'ye hear, get ready within these Two days to be married to a Husband you don't deserve;—Do it, or, by my dead Father's Soul, you are no Acquaintance of mine.
Go thy ways, Contradiction.—Follow her, my Lord; follow her, in the very Heat. This Obstinacy must be combated by Importunity as obstinate.
[Page 21] The Girl says right; her Mother was just such Another. I remember, Two of Us courted her at the same Time. She lov'd neither of Us, but She chose me purely to spight that surly Old Blockhead my Father-in-Law. Who comes here, Camillo? Now the refusing Part will lie on my Side.—
My worthy Neighbour, I am much in Fortune's Favour to find You thus alone. I have a Suit to You.
Please to name it, Sir.
Sir, I have long held You in singular Esteem: and what I shall now say, will be a Proof of it. You know, Sir, I have but one Son.
Ay, Sir.
And the Fortune I am blest withal, You pretty well know what it is.
'Tis a fair One, Sir.
Such as it is, the whole Reversion is my Son's. He is now engaged in his Attendance on our Master, the Duke. But e'er he went, he left with me the Secret of his Heart, his Love for your fair Daughter. For your Consent, he said, 'twas ready: I took a Night, indeed, to think upon it, and now have brought you mine; and am come to bind the Contract with half my Fortune in present, the Whole some time hence, and, in the mean while, my hearty Blessing. Ha? What say You to't, Don Bernard?
Why, really, Neighbour,—I must own, I have heard Something of this Matter.—
Heard Something of it? No doubt, you have.
Yes, now I recollect it well.
Was it so long ago then?
Very long ago, Neighbour.—On Tuesday last.
What, am I mock'd in this Business, Don Bernard?
Not mock'd, good Camillo, not mock'd: But in Love-matters, you know, there are Abundance of Changes in half an Hour. Time, Time, Neighbour, plays Tricks with all of us.
Time, Sir! What tell you me of Time? Come, I see how this goes. Can a little Time take a Man by the Shoulder, and shake off his Honour? Let me tell you, Neighbour, it must either be a strong Wind, or a very mellow Honesty that drops so easily. Time, quoth'a?
Look'ee, Camillo; will you please to put your Indignation in your Pocket for half a Moment, while I tell you the whole Truth of the Matter. My Daughter, you must know, is such a tender Soul, she cannot possibly see a Duke's younger Son without falling desperately in Love with him. Now, you know, Neighbour, when Greatness rides Post after a Man of my Years, 'tis both Prudence, and good Breeding, to let one's self be overtaken by it. And who can help all This? I profess, it was not my seeking, Neighbour.
I profess, a Fox might earth in the Hollowness of your Heart, Neighbour, and there's an End. If I were to give a bad Conscience its true Likeness, it should be drawn after a very near Neighbour to a certain poor Neighbour of yours.—Neighbour! with a Pox.
Nay, you are so nimble with me, you will hear Nothing.
Sir, if I must speak Nothing, I will hear Nothing. As for what you have to say, if it comes from your Heart, 'tis a Lye before you speak it.—I'll to Leonora; and if I find her in the same Story, why, I shall believe your Wife was true to You, and your Daughter is your own. Fare you well.
Ay, but two Words must go to that Bargain. It happens, that I am at present of Opinion my Daughter shall receive no more Company to day at least, no such Visits as yours.
SCENE IV. Changes to another Prospect of Don Bernard's House.
ACT III. SCENE I.
SCENE, The Prospect of a Village.
SCENE II. Don Bernard's House.
SCENE III. Prospect of a Village at a Distance.
None, but the worst. Your Father makes mighty Offers yonder by a Cryer, to any One can bring you home again.
Art Thou corrupted?
No.
Wilt thou be honest?
I hope, you do not fear me.
By my Life, Mistress,—
If I fail your Trust,—
Well; what else?
D'ye fear me still?
ACT IV. SCENE I.
SCENE, A Wide Plain, with a Prospect of Mountains at a Distance.
WELL, he's as sweet a Man, Heav'n comfort him! as ever these Eyes look'd on.
If he have a Mother, I believe, Neighbours, she's a Woe-woman for him at this Hour.
Why should he haunt these wild unpeopled Mountains, Where nothing dwells but Hunger, and sharp Winds?
His Melancholy, Sir, that's the main Devil does it. Go to, I fear he has had too much foul Play offer'd him.
How gets he Meat?
Why, now and then he takes our Victuals from us, tho' we desire him to eat; and instead of a short Grace, beats us well and soundly, and then falls to.
Where lies He?
Ev'n where the Night o'ertakes him.
Now will I be hang'd, an'some fair-snouted skittish Woman, or other, be not at the End of this Madness.
Well, if he lodg'd within the Sound of us, I knew our Musick would allure him. How attentively he stood, and how he fix'd his Eyes, when your Boy sung his Love-Ditty. Oh, here he comes again.
Let him alone; he wonders strangely at us.
Not a Word, Sirs, to cross him, as you love your Shoulders.
He seems much disturb'd: I believe the mad Fit is upon him.
I don't know what to say: Neither I, nor all the Confessors in Spain, can unriddle this wild Stuff.
—In Troth, not I, Sir.
Marry, now there is some Moral in his Madness, and we may profit by it.
Alas! I tremble—
Ha—ha—goes it there? Now if the Boy be witty, we shall trace something.
Yes, Sir, it was the Subject.
Why do you look so on me?
—Sometimes, I do.
Indeed, I've seen more Sorrows far than Years.
A Woman, Sir?—I fear, h'as found me out.
He takes the Boy for a Woman.—Mad, again!
You read a Truth then.
You're not far off.
—Yes.
I fear, his Fit is returning. Take heed of all hands.—Sir,—do you want any thing?
Help! help! good Neighbours; he will kill me else.
Good Sir, have Patience; this is no Henriquez.
Go thy Ways, and a Vengeance go with [Page 43] Thee!—Pray, feel my Nose; is it fast, Neighbours?
'Tis as well as may be.
He pull'd at it, as he would have drag'd a Bullock backward by the Tail.—An't had been some Men's Nose that I know, Neighbours, who knows where it had been now? He has given me such a devilish Dash o'er the Mouth, that I feel, I shall never whistle to my Sheep again: Then they'll make Holy-day.
Come, shall we go? for, I fear, if the Youth return, our second Course will be much more against our Stomachs.
Pray, do not linger.
Grazing below, Sir.—What does he mean, to stroke One o'the Cheek so? I hope, I'm not betray'd.
Good Even, my Friend; I thought, you all had been asleep in this Country.
You had lied then; for you were waking, when you thought so.
I thank you, Sir.
I pray, be cover'd; 'tis not so much worth, Sir.
Was that thy Boy ran crying?
Yes; what then?
Why dost thou beat him so?
To make him grow.
A pretty Med'cine! Thou can'st not tell me the Way to the next Nunnery?—
How do you know That?—Yes, I can tell you; but the Question is, whether I will or no; and, indeed, I will not. Fare you well.
SCENE II.
ACT V. SCENE I.
SCENE, The Prospect of the Mountains continued.
SCENE II. An Apartment in the Lodge.
Ay, then your Grace had had a Son more; He, a Daughter; and I, an Heir: But let it be as 'tis, I cannot mend it; one way or other, I shall [...] it over, with rubbing to my Grave, and there's an End on't.
Hang me, Sir, if I shed one Tear more. By Jove, I've wept so long, I'm as blind as Justice. When I come to see my Hawks (which I held a Toy next to my Son;) if they be but House-high, I must stand aiming at them like a Gunner.
Let them e'en have their Swing: they're young and wanton; the next Storm we shall have them gallop homeward, whining as Pigs do in the Wind.
Ay, ay; you've all Comforts but I; you have ruin'd me, kill'd my poor Boy; cheated and ruin'd him; and I have no Comfort.
This Lord has abused Men, Women, [...] Children already: What farther Plot he has, the D [...] knows.
Our Prudence should now teach us [...] forget, what our Indiscretion has [...] mitted. I have already made one [...] towards this Wisdom—
D. Bern.