Mrs. ABIGAIL; OR, A Female Skirmish BETWEEN The Wife of a Country Squire, AND The Wife of a Doctor in Divinity. WITH REFLECTIONS THEREUPON.

In a Letter to a Friend.

LONDON, Printed for A. Baldwin in Warwick-Lane. 1700. Price 4d.

Mrs. ABIGAIL: OR, A Female Skirmish, &c.

SIR,

IT was with no small satisfaction that I read yours of the 10th instant. I heartily congratulate your good success, and have imparted it to the rest of your Friends here, and we are all ex­tremely well pleased with it. I was much surprised to find that the Report of the Female Skirmish, which so lately happened in our Parish, hath already spread it self so far: and to satisfy the Curiosity you say you have to understand the matter at large, I have here given you a true Account of it, and some Remarks of my own thereupon.

Mr. S. my Neighbour is a Gentleman of near 1000 l. a year, descended to him from a long Series of Ancestors; hath served his King and Country in seve­ral eminent Stations, and married a Lady of an antient Family, who brought him several thousand Pounds to her Portion.

Some years since there arrived in these parts a little diminutive Sir John, who had spent some time in the University, where he was a poor Scholar, and went on the Errands of several of the Gentlemen of his College; and with the help of that and the College-Broth, made a shift to pick up a sorry Live­lihood. His Father (while he lived) kept a blind Victualling-House, and his Mother this day is a reverend Ale-wife: And tho his Friends were poor, and could no way help him, yet he got wherewith to take his degrees of Batchelor, and afterwards of Master of Arts.

He came hither in hopes of a small Curacy under a fat Parson of our Country, who had swallowed more Livings than he could well digest; but taking in too much Claret to help his Concoction, kicked up his heels soon after the arrival of our little Dominus vobiscum, who by that means (in spite of the Proverb) might have died of Hunger, had not a Gentleman of Estate and Quality not far off, took this Priest-Errant into his House, to initiate his Son in the Latin Tongue, where our Sir John performed all the spiritual Drudgeries of the Family, blessed the Meat with a singular good Grace, and had the honour of sitting at the lower end of the Table, from whence (according to his bounden Duty) he always very mannerly arose at the serving in of the second Course, and, with a Bow as low as to the Altar, took with him the Plate he had eat on: And in process of time skrew­ing himself into the good Graces of Mrs. Abigail my Lady's waiting Woman, a Match was struck up be­tween them, and (with the good liking of their Master and Lady) they were coupled together; and the first [Page 5]Living that fell in his Master's Gift, was (according to the laudable Custom where the Patron had been before­hand with the Chaplain) bestowed upon him: which (tho a very good one, yet) did not satisfy him, but in a short time up he comes for London, and having made an interest in some of the great ones, plies Whitehal without intermission, Sunday it self not excepted; on which morning constantly about 10 of the Clock, he ne­ver failed (together with a whole Herd of that Tribe, who were in town upon the like hunt) to be at Mans Coffee-house, to smoak away the remainder of that tedious Forenoon, which others (not so well skill'd in the new Crape-Divinity) spent in the Church. At length his Ex­pectations were crowned with success, and our Sir John (having duly capacitated himself) had another Living added to his former. On goes the Scarf, and down goes my Priest full fraught with Pride and Exultation. From henceforth his thoughts began to swell; and be­ing now a Buttress broader, he would be a Story or two higher: To the University he trudges, and takes his De­gree of Batchelor, and now lately of Doctor in Divinity.

He had not been long returned from thence, but Mr. S. his Lady, and Mrs. Abigail (our new Doctress) being with others of the Neighbourhood at a Country Entertainment, Madam S. being the best Woman in the Company, and not imagining any Person there would have disputed Precedence with her, set her self by the Mistriss of the House at the upper end of the Table, so that there was no room left for Mrs. Abigail, but at one of the sides. Down she sits, but with a full Stomach, not a bit went into her mouth; which the Mistriss of the House observing, and taking notice of, Mrs. Abigail set up a hideous Outcry that her Qua­lity [Page 6]was injured, and read such a Lecture upon the Dignity of the Clergy, and especially of a Doctor in Divinity (and consequently of his Doxy) that the Lady was amazed, and the Company burst out into a loud Laughter. The Lady hath wit enough, and plied Mrs. Abigail with such smart Repartees, that she was put to silence; but the Doctor being present, was so great a Coxcomb as to take up the Cudgels, and was encountred by a Gentleman of more sense than himself, who drove the business so home, that the Doctor was quite nonplust. However, this Contest spoiled the intended Mirth, to the disturbance of the whole Company; since which Mrs. Abigail hath declin­ed all Meetings where the Lady was to be, and intends to continue in this sullen humor till the Quality of a Doctor in Divinity's Wife is here better understood.

This is the true matter of Fact, and now give me leave to examin upon what Justice or Right the Pre­tensions of this Sir John and his Wife are founded.

As to the Husband, we will consider him in both his capacities, of Priest and Doctor.

As to his Priesthood, I see nothing in that which can intitle him to more than the Quality of an ordinary Gentleman (for that, as I take it, the common Courtesy of England allows him, as well as an Attor­ney, or Licentiat in Physick) and being only a Gentle­man by his Profession, he is inferior to him who is a Gentleman by Birth: As (to instance in the next de­gree upwards) an Esquire by Office, as a Member of the House of Commons, a Justice of Peace, who is (quatenus such) inferior to an Esquire by Birth, as the eldest Son of a Baronet or Knight: And if any one [Page 7]born a Gentleman gives precedence to the Parish Priest, 'tis more than is the Priest's due, and given of mere Courtesy; unless the Parish Priest be a Gentleman by Birth likewise, in which case the Precedence must be ruled by the common Notion among us, that where there be two Persons of equal Birth or Quality, the Precedence ought to be given to him that hath the better Estate. And if the Gentleman Parish-Priest hath a Benefice of 200 l. per annum, and the Lay-Gentleman hath Lands of Inheritance but of 100 l. per annum, worth 20 years Purchase, the Lay-man hath doubtless the better Estate of the two; and if he gives Precedence to the Parish-Priest, it is of courtesy, and not of due.

I know it will be objected, That the Function of these Priests is sacred; That they are bred up in the Schools of the Prophets, where they attain to the un­derstanding and interpreting of the Holy Scriptures; That they are God's Ambassadors, and conversant all their Life-times about the Mysteries of Religion: All which eminently distinguishes them, and sets them in a Rank superior to that of other men.

But I cannot understand how these things can help them in the point we are upon, which concerns a Temporal Right. Was not Christ's and his Apostles Priesthood and Function as sacred as theirs? And yet he disclaimed (for them as well as himself) all Tempo­ral Superiority.

For their Education, It is not apparent that it is founded upon no design but what is common to o­ther men, to feed and clothe them, and answer the common necessities of Life. Shew me a Father whose main and ultimat end in sending his Son to this [Page 8]School of the Prophets in order to the Priesthood, was any other than to put him into a way to get his Livelihood. And can those be any longer called the Schools of the Prophets, which are turned into such Sinks of all Lewdness and Debauchery; insomuch that the Gentry of England begin to bethink themselves of Academies and other ways of Education for their Sons, to avoid a place where only Poverty, and the want of opportunity to be vicious can secure from Vice? And how comes the Gift of understanding and interpreting the Scriptures to be found there more than in other places, when we see that those who come from these Schools of the Prophets disagree so much in their Sentiments, that by their different Expositions and Interpretations of Scripture, turning and winding it like a Nose of Wax, they have set themselves and the whole Kingdom together by the ears? Which makes it evident that no man who comes from thence is to be relied on as an infallible Interpreter; and without Infallibility all the Interpreters in Europe of the doubtful places of Scripture are not worth a straw, see­ing they may as soon be in the wrong as in the right: and that some of 'em must be in the wrong, we all know; but whether any of them be in the right, God knows.

As for the Ambassage they value themselves upon, should some great Prince send to a neighbouring State or Community, a pair of Ambassadors, who should both have the same Instructions, but differed from each other in the meaning of them, so that one of them required one thing, and the other the quite con­trary; I think no great heed ought to be given to either of them.

And as to the Mysteries of Religion, I confess they [Page 9]have made Christianity it self a Mystery, which in all the Fundamentals of it is in the Scriptures made plain and easy to an ordinary Understanding. But the Law­yers do wisely to interpret our Law in barbarous French, that no English-man but themselves may understand it.

'Tis true, when Popery obtained among us, the case was not the same as now: For the Veneration then shewed to the Priest (admitting the then received Be­lief) was grounded upon great reason: for what could I think too much for him who with four words could make me a God and a Saviour, that could pen him up in a Box, and eat him at his pleasure, and when that is done could with the same words make me another as good as the former; that could forgive me all my Sins, and if perchance I had not before my death scoured my Kettle so clean as I should have done, so that I had the ill luck to drop into Purgatory, could sing me out again, and by that means place me in a Sta­tion of eternal Bliss? How would I crouch and cringe, kneel to and adore him who could do all this?

These were great things, and yet no more than a Priest of the Church of Rome pretends to do. But alas, with us a Priest can do none of these Feats, but is despoiled of all these spiritual Plumes, and left as bare as the Bird in the Fable; not a Jack in a Box admitted among us, nor the Priest's Absolution valued at a rush of late, unless at the Gallows; Purgatory hissed off the Stage, and reckoned at the worst to be but some blind Ale-house between Heaven and Hell: And tho there is a Form of Absolution, as full as any in the Popish Books, placed in a Corner of our Com­mon-Prayer Book, at the end of the Visitation of the Sick, to serve a turn, if occasion be (which I never [Page 10]think on, but it puts me in mind of Littleton's Chap­ter of Continual Claim) yet no Priest with us durst have the impudence at this time of day to affirm in his Pulpit, or any other publick place, that he hath power to forgive Sins, lest the People should throw stones at him.

I doubt not but some (if they saw this Paper) would tell me that I have debased my Lords the Bishops. No such matter: They hold their Rank and Quality by their Baronages settled by the Law of the Land, and take their Places accordingly, and not by their Priest­hood, and therefore are not within my aim or inten­tion. But under that Degree there is no Law with us which gives precedence to a Clergyman, however dig­nified or distinguished, above him that is born a Gentle­man: and a Clergy-man, under the degree of a Bishop, hath no more reason to pretend to any Place or Pre­cedence, because 'tis possible he may come to be a Bi­shop, than a young sucking Barister hath to take place of his Betters, because 'tis possible he may come to be Lord Chancellor.

As for the other capacity of our Parish-Priest, Doctor in Divinity. The Gentlemen of England (that have any considerable Places) do seldom or never breed up their eldest Sons to the Priesthood, but com­monly send them, and sometimes one of the younger Sons too (tho for the reason aforesaid, neither of them so much of late as formerly) to the Universities, and from thence (without staying there so long as to take any Degree) to the Inns of Court, where they do or ought to betake themselves to the study of our municipal Laws; and after 7 or 8 years are many of them called to the Bar; some with an intent to [Page 11]make the Law their Profession, whereby they often double or treble their paternal Estates; and after 20 or 25 years first admittance into their respective Societies, are chosen of the Bench; and some of them afterwards (by the favour of the Prince) called to the State and Degree of Serjeant at Law, out of which number are chosen the Reverend Judges of the Realm. O­thers of these Inns of Court Gentlemen, after they are called to the Bar (and many of them before) depart into their own Countries, and by the knowledg they have acquired in the Law are rendred more service­able to the Publick in the eminent Stations they are placed in there; where some of them match into great and honourable Families, others of them to rich and wealthy Heiresses, and others of them to Women of considerable Fortunes in Money, sufficient (without the aid of their own Estates) to buy all the Substance of ten Doctors in Divinity put together. Out of these several sorts of Inns of Court Gentlemen, are for the most part chosen the Members of Parliament, High-Sheriffs, Deputy-Lieutenants, and Justices of Peace, who thus (next under the King) come to have the Legislative, Judicial, and Ministerial Power of the Kingdom in their hands.

But if we will find the Pedegree of our Doctor in Divinity, we must stoop somewhat lower. If there be a younger Brother of any of these Families, he is commonly bound Apprentice to some Trade, or sent to the University, which of them his Father, or (if dead) his other Friends think him most likely to thrive by. And here we have set our Doctor in the best Light. But it may be he is the Son of some Farmer, of some little Countrey Pedlar, of a Whitster, Farrier, [Page 12]Bricklayer, Plaisterer, Carpenter, or (as in the case before us) of an Alehouse-keeper; none of which ever arriv'd at the Honour of being covered before the Squire (as they call 'em in the Country) his Land­lord, Master, or Customer, whom yet the Son of one of these Poultrons (having once got a red Hood about his Shoulders) would dispute Precedence with.

And would it not be an agreeable sight to see this Son of Gaffer what de'e call him, insolently step be­fore a Person of Birth, Quality and Estate, merely because he hath attained to the Preferment of an Ape, to be clad in Scarlet, while his Father works for his Living with his Leather Apron on, or with his Frock whistling to his Team, or with his blew Apron to re­ceive the Droppings of the Tap (as in our case) and his Mother sits at home mending of old Stockings. And if he were a poor Scholar, or of some Founda­tion in the University, what was he but a Porter or Serving-man in the first case, and an Alms boy in the other case? For what difference is there between a Fellow or Scholar of a Foundation in a College, and another Alms-man or Alms-boy in an Hospital? Did not the Founders endow both out of Charity? Were they not both designed for the relief and main­tenance of such as have not to live of themselves? And yet this little Monsieur, after he hath lived some time in his College upon Charity, and passed through some pedantick Formalities, which they call Degrees, must come into the Country, and perk above him to whom perchance he hath in the College served up many a Dish of Meat, and Mess of Broth, or run on many an Errand for.

But we will suppose our Doctor a younger Son of [Page 13]some Gentleman of Quality, who was sent to the University at fifteen, gets to be Master of Arts at twen­ty two, Bachelor of Divinity at twenty nine, and Doctor at thirty three; all which Degrees are con­ferred in the University, without respect to any ex­traordinary Merit, but as things of course. Here's a way found out for all younger Brothers (who are sent to the University) to become better men at thirty three than their elder Brothers, and is a Cheat worse than that put by Rebecca upon her Husband, to deprive her eldest Son of his Birthright. And if the Gentle­men of England (notwithstanding their Eyes are com­monly thought to be pretty well cleared of the Mists of Popery, from whence this Priest-worship first took its rise) were not still as blind as Isaac, they would dis­cern how they are Priestridden and abused in this mat­ter as well as in many others: for what is it to the Gentlemen of England, what a parcel of petty starch'd Fellows, the Dregs and Offals of Monkery, who live upon Chops of Mutton, do among themselves? Or how are the Body of the English Nation concerned whether they make one another Doctors, Patri­archs or Mufti's? Let them strut it about the Streets of Oxford and Cambridg, and look big upon the cowed Townsmen, and crow upon their own Dunghils there; but when they come abroad among Gentlemen, let them remember the meanness either of their Birth or Education, or perhaps both, and know their di­stance when they meet with those who are above them in every respect.

But suppose we should give some grains of allowance to our Doctor in Divinity or Parish-Priest, and hu­mour him a little; what is that to Mrs. Abigail, who [Page 14]makes a Figure of no long standing? For so lately as it King Harry the Eighth's Reign, the Wife of a Priest was ‘Rara avis in terris, nigro{que} simillima cygno.’

'Tis true Cranmer, in those days, when he was a Student at Cambridg, married an Innkeeper's Daughter there (which gave occasion to the Papists to say he was an Hostler) and after he was Archbishop of Gan­terbury, kept her privately sometimes at Lambeth. In imitation whereof a late Archbishop kept his Wife there too, privately enough, tho not so privately as the other. But that of Cranmer was a rare instance in those times; and when in K. Edward the Sixth's Reign the Clergy began frequently to marry, and in Q. Eli­zabeth's Reign continued so to do by colour of the Statutes of 2 & 3 E. 6. which permitted them to marry, and 5 & 6 E. 6. which declared their Children legiti­mate (altho by the way those two Statutes were re­pealed by 1 Mar. and never revived till 1 Jac. 1.) the Gentlemen of England looked on the Marriage of a Priest as so scandalous a thing, that they thought scorn to bestow their Daughters or Kinswomen upon them; so that the Parish-Priests were fain for a long time to take up with the Daughters of the meanest of the People, my Lady's Chamber-maid being accounted a great Booty in those days. And these Ecclesiastical Doxys kept themselves a long time within the Bounds of Modesty, and imployed themselves at their Wheel or Needle, or in the getting in the Tithe-eggs, and such like, without pretending to any place or precedence, any further than before the Farmers Wives of the Parish, and not those neither, if rich [Page 15]and wealthy; nor knew any thing beyond a black stuff Gown on Sundays, and a green Apron when they went abroad on working days. And when some of them, especially the Wives of those they called the dignified Clergy, grew malapert, and raised Disputes about Place, Q. Elizabeth being asked what place was due to a Clergy-man's Wife, answered truly and dis­creetly, Behind the door. So that in her time they were kept pretty well down, and made no such bustles as they have done since.

And tho I am not against a Priest's having a com­fortable Importance as well as other men, yet 'tis obser­vable, that when towards the latter end of that Queen's Reign these she-Comforts grew proud and troublesom, the whole course of the Clergy's way of living became quite altered. For whereas before, the Clergy and their Wives were very charitable to their Neighbors, especial­ly the Poor, whom they daily reliev'd; when once Pride and Affectation had crept in among the Wives, which could not be supported without extraordinary expence, and a more chargeable Education than formerly was bestowed on their Offspring, which seldom failed to be numerous, the Charity of the Clergy ceased, and all was spent on themselves, their Wives and Children, and the Poor were ready to be starved: which was the occasion of making the Statute of 43 Eliz. for re­lief of the Poor, being the first Statute Law which was ever made of that nature and comprehension, and was not chiefly occasioned, as some think, by the dis­solution of Monasteries; for the Clergy long after that reliev'd the Poor of their Parishes and Districts to that degree, that there was no need of any such Law: And so indeed it ought to have continued; for tho [Page 16]what they distributed was upon pretence of Charity, yet it was no more than what was the Poors due, the Goods of the Church being the Poors, as was expresly determin'd by the 2d Council of Ravenna, by which and several other Councils, it was provided that the Poor should be maintained by the Clergy. And there is a Canon extant, which enjoins the Clergy to set apart the third of the profits of their Benefices for the re­lief of the Poor. And seeing the Clergy stand so strictly upon other Canons which make for their Pro­fit, Authority, and Advantage, 'tis pity but this Canon should be put in ure, which would keep the Priests (and consequently their Wives) in a state of Humility more becoming the Gospel, and would be so plentiful a relief to the Poor, that there would need (as a cer­tain Lord Mayor expressed himself when he whipt the Beggars) no complaining in our Streets.

But to leave this digression: When in some of the later Reigns Debauchery and Lewdness were incourag­ed, and made a step to Preferment, especially after the Restoration in 1660. when the Gentlemen of the Royal Party, who had strugled through their Seque­strations, Imprisonments, Decimations, &c. under the then late usurped Powers, and had notwithstand­ing all those Difficulties preserved their Estates entire, or not much impaired them, ran stark mad for joy, and either out of the vain hopes of Court-Preferment, or to comply with their own Inclinations, had many of them run into such a course of Extravagancy, as quickly consumed the Estates of some of them, and placed others of them in a meaner condition than they could probably have been reduced to, had their former Persecutions continued; so that all they got by the [Page 17]Restoration was the honour of spending their Estates themselves: and this extravagant humour had spread it self much further, and become almost universal. And on the other hand, our Clergy rode triumphant, and heaped to themselves Benefice upon Benefice, and Preferment upon Preferment; so that he who had ei­ther Wit, Money, or Friends, could hardly miss of making a considerable Figure in a short time: and hav­ing quite left off the sour Humour and Looks which were heretofore peculiar to the Ecclesiasticks, and were then called Gravity, and no more appeared with their Hair cropp'd above their Ears, nor with their black sattin and white-lac'd turn'd-up Caps; but adapted themselves to the gay and frank Humour of the Times, and with the help of a Jauntee Wig, curl'd and pou­dered alamode, and a few Grimaces, skrewed them­selves into the good Graces of the young Ladies: Then happy was he who had but 3 or 4 or 500 l. to give with his Daughter, or had reserved an Advowson a­mong the Reliques of a broken Fortune in order to some Smock Symony, who could marry his Daughter into the Tribe of Levi. And by this means several of them have gotten into Alliances with tolerable Families, and others of them (tho but a few) have made a high­er step.

These Madames thus disposed of, retaining a smatch of the Haughtiness of the Families from whence they are sprung, are never at rest till their Husbands com­mence Doctors, that they may place themselves above all other Women under the degree of a Knight's Wife; for that is what they pretend to.

But how long hath this been their due? They can­not claim it by Custom, or Prescription time out of [Page 18]mind; for Edward the Sixth's Reign, when the Cler­gy were permitted to marry, is within time of memo­ry; and for many hundred years before there was not a married Priest in England, unless by stealth, as in the case of Cranmer. When therefore did this right of Precedence first accrue to them? and where? Not behind the door I hope.

If then there be no such Custom or Prescription, there must be some positive Law to give or assert this Right, or the Court of Honour must have decided it: but our Legislators had somewhat else to do than to trouble themselves with Mrs. Abigail; nor would they in all the long Reign of Q. Elizabeth, so much as make her Marriage lawful, or her Children legitimate, by re­pealing the said Statute of 1 Mar. And the Court of Honour had more respect for the Gentlemen of Fami­lies and Estates, than to subject their Wives to the Daughter of a Beggar, or to Abigail the Waiting-woman, or Joan the Chamber-maid.

The Bishops are Barons of the Realm, and take their places above all of the Degree only of Temporal Barons; and yet the Lady of a Temporal Baron, nay of a Baronet, nay more of a Knight (altho her Hus­band's Dignity is not descendible to her Children) is acknowledged by all to have precedence before the Wife of a Bishop: and one reason is, because (as I said before of the Doctor's Wife) a Bishop's Wife be­ing but of later date, cannot challenge such prece­dence by Custom or Prescription: nor was the point ever determined for her in the Court of Honour.

'Tis true, about 60 years since, when no Woman under the degree of a Knight's Wife was called Ma­dam or my Lady, there was one Pierce, Bishop of Bath [Page 19]and Wells (who lived to be restored in 1660. and then betook himself only to Suppers, lest any Gentleman or Clergyman of the Country should come to dine with him) would needs have those two Appellations given to his Wife, which some complied with, to flatter him; others refus'd, to vex him; while all laughed at him for expecting it.

Now if the Precedence which a Bishop hath can­not affect the Bishop's Wife, or place her in a station sutable to that of her Husband, much less can this empty Title of Doctor affect the Doctor's Wife, or place her in a higher rank than she was in before; but she remains still the Parson's or Vicar's Wife of the Pa­rish, and no more.

But she may (for the most part) thank the vain-glo­rious Fool her Husband for this piece of Pride and In­solence, who hath filled her Head with the airy notion of his Doctorship, and hath put her into a Garb fitter for a man's Wife of 2000 l. per annum, than for the Wife of a Parish-Priest, whose Benefices die with him: She must be arrayed (contrary to the Modesty and Gravity of the Wives of Q. Elizabeth's Clergy) in all the Colours of the Rainbow, with a Head as high as the late Porter at the New Exchange, with a Footboy or two at her heels, and a Coach or Calash it may be into the bargain; but when the Parson dies, down goes all this: She then lives upon some little Pittance, or per­haps becomes that which they call a distressed Minister's Widow, and an Object of (what she was a stranger to in her Husband's Life-time) Charity. And this often happens where the Parson lives up to the height of his Income, and consumes it upon the Pride and Luxury of himself and his Doxy.

But I will no longer detain you, altho much more might be said upon this Subject, if Time (or rather if the Times) would permit.

I am, &c.

FINIS.

POEMS lately publish'd by A. Baldwin.

A Description of D [...]yden's Funeral. The 3d Edition.

The Way to Heaven in a String; or, Mr. Asgill's Ar­gument burlesqu'd.

An Epistle to Sir Richard Blackmore, occasion'd by the new Session of the Poets.

The Dream. To Sir. Charles Duncomb,

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