MARTIN MARK-ALL his Apologie, to the Bel-man of London.
THere hath béen of late dayes great paines taken on the part of the good old Bel-man
of London, in discouering as hée thinks, a newfound Nation and People, Let it be
so for this time: hereupon much adoe was made in setting forth their liues, order
of liuing, method of spéech, and vsuall méetings, with diuers other things thereunto
appertaining. These volumes and papers, now spread euerie where, so that euerie Iacke-boy
now can say as well as the proudest of that fraternitie, (will you wapp for a wyn,
or tranie for a make,) the gentle Company of Cursitours began now to stirre, and looke
about them, and hauing gathered together a Conuocation of Canting Caterpillars, as
wel in the North parts at theWhere at this day the Rogues of the North part, once euerie three yeeres assemble
in the night, because they will not be seene and espied, being a place to those that
know it verie fit for that purpose, it being hollow, and made spacious vnder ground,
at first by estimation halfe a mile in compasse, but it hath such turnings and roundings
in it, that a man may easily be lost, if hee enter not with a guide. Diuels arse apeake, as in the South, They diligently enquired, and straight search
was made, whether any had reuolted from that faithles fellowship, herupon euery one
gaue his verdict, some supposed that it might be some one, that hauing ventured too
farre beyond wit and good taking héede was fallen into the hands of the Magistrate,
and carried to the trayning Cheates, where in shew of a penitent heart, and remoarse
of his good time ill spent, turned the cocke, and let out all: Others [Page] thought it might be some spie-knaue, that hauing little to doe, tooke vpon him the
habite and forme of an Hermite, and so by dayly commercing and discoursing learned
in time the mysterie and knowlege of this ignoble prosession: and others because
it smelt a of a study, déemed it to be some of their owne companie, that had béen
at some frée-schoole, and belike because hée would be handsome against a good time,
tooke pen and inke, and wrote of that subiect, thus, Tot homines, tot sententiae, so many men, so many mindes. And all because the spightfull Poet would not set too
his name. At last vp starts an old Cacodemicall Academicke with his frize bonnet,
and giues them al to know, that this inuectiue was set foorth, made, and printed aboue
Fortie yéeres agoe. And being then called, A caueat for Cursitors, is now newly printed,
and termed, The Bel-man of London, made at first by one Master Harman a Iustice of Peace in Kent, in Quéene Maries daies, he being then about ten yéeres of age.
At this newes the whole Company of Clapperdudgions, were indifferently well resolued,
yet their mindes were not fully satisfied, because they knew not by whom this booke
was set out, hereupon for this time the Synagogue of Sathan was dismissed, and the
whole Regiment of Raggamuffins betooke themselues to their vsuall occupations, expecting
that this villanous If willer of theirs, at one time or other, would be knowne and
brought to light. Not long after, this peruerse persecutor of poore Pilgrims, not
content with the former iniurie done against them, but séeking by all meanes, to roote
out and scatter them, if it were possible out of the land, raises new forces, and
persecutes them, with fire, and sword, and deadly warre.
The furie and malice of the Bel-man once again bruted abroad, and they not knowing
the author of the first, now grow outragious, begin to curse with Bell, booke, [Page] and candle: That if he were to be knowne, they would spare neither cost nor labour
for the search, and enquirie of him forth.
Meane time the Rogues of the North, that had before met at the Diuels arse apeake,
hearing of this vnexpected newes with rage inflamed, trot on their lustie tentoes,
with bagge and baggage toward the Southerne Regiment, who being entertained with such
welcomes and complements, as are vsed among themselues. They presently send to the
Beadle of the Hall, to summon and warne, all of that Company and Fraternitie, to make
his personal appearance at the Swan with fiue necks in Kings stréete as the fittest
place to receiue so ignoble a Court of Crack-ropes.
The Congregation of Caterpillars gathered together, and the Court of Couzoners now
set: vp starts a ragged ouer roasted Iacke of the Clocke house with his crutch in
his hand, in stead of a Tip-staffe, makes thrée solemne O yes, which done with a fierie
face, and filthy Throat, he proclaymes, as followeth.
All maner of people that were summoned to appeare here this day,Corporall Fize. before Corporall Fize chiefe Commander of the Regiment, and Corporation of good fellowes,
and Maunders, let them draw néere, and giue their attendance, for the Court is set.
As soone as euer the proclamation was ended, Lord, what a Companie of petitioners
pressed to the barre to preferre their papers of miuries, that were offred and done
among themselues, here one complaines that hée could not trauell safely, nor cary
any money without danger of the vyright man and Tinker, but that they would robbe
and spoyle them of all that was ought about them, here another that they could not
quietly take their rast in the night, nor kéepe his Autem, or dorie sole vnto himselfe:
but that the Ruffier, padder, or any vpright [Page] man, would take them away perforce, and others that they could not conuerse, and
kéepe company with those that they met, but that in the night they are sure to be
Clyd in the night, by the Angler, or hooker, or such like pilferers that liue vpon
the spoyle of other poore people. These were generally the effect of their petitions,
but O, if a man were there to heare the noyse, the clamour, and bawling that was there
amonge them, you would sure thinke, that all the dogges in Parish garden were broke
loose, and came thither on purpose to yawle: yea, I think in my conscience, Cerberus that thrée-throat horrible hel-hound neuer kept a more dolefull, nor horryd noyse,
than those kennell of Clapperdugeons did at that time, but after that proclamation was made for silence, Corporall Fize chéefe Commander of that courte, began as followeth.
Corporall Fize his speech to appease the tumult.My friends and fellowes, our méeting héere at this time is not to discusse and determine
of matters betwéene partie and partie. But our assembly now is to finde out, Iudge,
and determine of one that of late hath published two malitious and iniurious Pamphlets:
concerning vs and our whole course of life. Therefore, I would request you forbeare
vntill the Court haue fully finished and ended this matter: and if we haue any spare
time afterward we will be ready to redresse any wronge, you, or any of you haue sustained.
At this motion the wind was calme, then they procéeded to call foorth the Graund
Iurie, or Quest of Enquirie: who being called they did appeare, and then the charge
was giuen them as followeth.
The names of the Graund Iurie, or Quest of enquirie of Crackropes.
The Graund Inquest of Crackropes.
- ANthonie ap Hugh, the Aplesquire of Apesbury. Bartholmew Barfilching, the Bottlemaker of Bristow.
- Christopher Chafelitter, the Chymneysweeper of Knoctiuergos.
- Demetrius Dingethrist, the Dorsermaker of Dorneby.
- Edwin Euesdropper, the Eele-pie eater of Elton.
- Friskin Fitz-Fizler, my Lady Brache Gent. Vsher of Feuersham.
- Gregory Greenewinchard, the Gunfounder of Goggleton.
- Haunce Haltersicke, the Harnismaker of Hornchurch.
- Iefferie Iobbernall, the Ierkin maker of Iorley.
- Kenericke Coleprophet, the Cockletaker of Canterburie.
- Leacherous Lowsicote, the Larke taker of Lalum.
- Martin Marke-a-knaue, the Milstone cutter of Marbury.
- Nunquam Neuerthriue, the Nutcracker of Newberie.
- Owin Ouerthwart, the Onion seller of Ockingham.
- Peter Poundkarlicke, the Powchmaker of Pindle burie.
- Quinton Corrifauell, the quacksaluer of Quanton.
- Rowland Rinceprichard, the Ratcatcher of Ramsey.
- Stephen Stinck-a-pace, the Sowgelder of Stamford.
- Timothy Hol-hazard, of Tritrace, the Tilemaker of Tonbridge.
- Vincent Veriknaue, the Vintener of the Vintry.
- Wilkin wiredrawer, the Welsh wizard of Wickham.
- Hextus Sextus, the Sexton of Sexbury.
- Yanikin Yanner, the Yarne spinner of Yarmouth.
- Nicholas Chathorne, the bowsie bag bearer, or Clarke [Page] of the Snapsacke,
good men in nothing, but true in Villanie, stand néere and heare your charge.
Corporall Fizehis charge to the Iurie.My Masters of the Iurie, and you my good friendes; the cause of our vnexpected and
vnaccustomed méeting at this time is not vnknowen vnto you all, how an vpstart pamphletmaker
and a most iniurious and Satiricall Libeller hath of late dayes done as much as in
him lieth: not onely to disgrace and defame our so auncient and long continuing profession:
but also extirpe and ouerthrow all our customes, acts and ceremonies, which time
out of minde haue béene accustomed, and now are daily in vse and custome among vs,
The cause of this his muddie humour, I cannot guesse otherwise then this, that being
wearie of his good name and reputation (if euer he had any) is now contented to disburden
himselfe thereof: and giues the whole world to vnderstand, that delighting in Rogerie
more then honestie: he would shew himselfe to be little better then a tame Rogue.
The matter that he busieth himselfe about, fauoureth onely rancor and malice: The
end whereat he aymeth, tendeth to death and desolation, subuersion of ourstate and
fashion. And therefore my masters, it behooueth you as at all other times, so especially
at this time, wisely and considerately to way and ponder of this fact, for it is
not an offence against one or two priuate men: but it toucheth the whole company in
generall. And therfore a thing not to be passed slightly ouer, you therefore that
haue the managing of this businesse, without whom wee of our selues can procéed in
nothing, you being our right hand herein, bend all your care for the good of this
little Common-wealth. And as you are elected and chosen to suborne and vphold this
small Regiment, so I pray you shew your selues, as I hope you will the true supporters
and pillers of the same. But briefely to make an ende, because I purpose not to vse
many words, you shall not [Page] néed to enquire and search for the Author, or his name of this inuectiue, for he
is knowen. And in his second Round as he calles it, hath set to his name: and therefore
you may saue that labour, your charge is onely to finde of the slaunder and scandall
comprised in the Inditement, or no, if you finde him guiltie, you shall returne on
the backe side of the Inditement that hee is guiltie, and so giue it in Court, that
we may procéed against him accordingly: meane time because it is fit to procéed with
equitie and iustice, and not to giue iudgement rashly and hastily against any man,
before he haue made his Apologie, or purgation, our Purseuant shall bée spéedily sent
to him to bring him before vs, that he may aunswere to the obiections and crimes layde
against him.
A messenger sent to call the Bel-man.Straight was a stout sturdie and bigbone knaue sent in Embassage to Senior the Bel-man to appeare, who assoone as his message was deliuered (he néed d not to
eb bid make haste) speedily hastens to the Belmans house, where he findes him at home
by the fire side, mumbling a péece of bread and chéese. The Belman séeing this rude
and vnmannerly fellow come in puffing, without any God spéed, was ready to choake
for feare: but after they had parled on the matter, and deliuered his message, the
Belman lockes fast his doore, and puts the key vnder the Still, and away they goe
together toward the Court of Crackeropes. In the meane time the Iurie gaue vp their
verdite, they made not a long haruest of a little corne, but suddenly they laid their
knaues heads together, and concluded that the Belman was guiltie of the slaunder
comprised in the Inditement: and thereupon deliuered vp againe the Inditement into
the Court; and so for that time they all departed to dinner. By this time the Gentlemen
of the ragged order, had almost dined, and now come in all haste, the Belman and his
kéeper, [Page] who assoone as they were now come; word was carried in to the Masters of misrule,
that the Belman was in the hall ready to auouch what he had published: At this word
they all straight rose (although scarce well dined) as all moued with a couetous and
gréedy desire to sée the confusion of the poore Belman.
As soone as the Benchers of the ragged Robes were set, in was called the Belman to
make his Apologie, where after he had made his appearance, The chiefe commaunder of
Crackropes began thus as followeth.
Corporal Fize his Oration to the Belman.Signior Belman, I maruell what madnesse hath bewitched you, or what furie hath made
you so fantasticke thus to raile on vs poore Vagrants, penilesse pilgrimes, hath your
nightly watchings and continuall disorder of your braines so whorried your senses,
that you can let flie at none other but on vs, poore forlorne wretches, that trouble
you not, no not so much as once in seauen yeares.
Mee thinkes it should haue béene your part rather to haue tolde of domesticall affaires
and houshold matters, what good rule is kept among your watch, how here one lies drunke
when he should stand Sentinel, There another lying along a sléepe vpon a bench complayning
how his back akes, with carrying the Tankard and burthens in the day time; so that
he were more fit to haue béene at home in bed a fléepe, then busied with any seruice
for the City abroad at night, how you found this doore left open by Prentizes, either
to let in their whores when their Masters be a sléepe, or to purloyn their Masters
goods to maintaine their Trulls, here to finde out a Knaue picking open a locke by
the helpe of his black Arte, and there in a Taylors stall hote luxurie making ryot.
These and many more might you haue busied your braine about, and not thus scandalously
and satirically to tyrannize ouer vs as your Crosbiters do ouer their Simplers.
No, no, Goodman Bel-man, though we are of the contemned sort, yet we haue supporters,
and those that will fight in our quarrell were you neuer so strong.
But to the matter, surely you thinke you haue done a noble exploit, thus to descry
and declare to the worlde our manner of liuing and customarie lawes, our Innes, feasts,
and méetings: And that herein you haue done the part of a good subiect, thus to Anatomize
and picture out such kinde of people as you terme base, that liue by the sweat of
other mens browes (as you say.) This I sent your reason, In déede I will say as you
say: But shall I tell you, your praise had béene much more the greater, if you had
searched into the particular enormities, & palpable villanies committed daily in
your City: Let vs poore folke liue as wee doe, we doe no man hurt but our selues,
nor no mans foe but our owne, we haue nothing but what other men can spare, other
mens leauings are our refreshings, and if it were not for vs, much good meate would
be in danger of Fly-blowing, or cast to dogges. If there bee any in our vocation or
calling, that liue disorderly and out of compasse, what trade can you name that doe
not the like. If wee sometimes lie with our neighbours wiues, is it not vsuall else-where?
(nay herein by your fauour, we doe best paint out the family of Loue, who doe not
sticke but to haue all things in common:) If in bowsing we ouer-drinke our selues,
doe not some of the best in your City do the like? If some make little conscience
in lying, swearing, and stealing, I thinke fewe of your Trades-men goe frée: If then
it be all one in City as in Countrey, among the rich as amongst vs poore, and generally
in all Trades and Occupations deceit and abuses, sith it is so that he that cannot
dissemble cannot liue: why then should you bee so spitefull goodman Saunshell to inueigh
against vs poore soules aboue the rest, who of all others, in shifting are the most
simplest soules in this ouer wise world.
But you good sir, like a Spider to entrappe onely the smallest flies, suffer the great
ones to flie through, you scowre the ditch of a company of croaking frogs, when you
leaue behinde you an infinite number of venomous Toades, you decypher and paint out
a poore Rogue, or a Doxie that steale and rob hedges of a few ragged clothes (which
you can make but petit larciney.) And neuer speake of those Vultures that ruine whole
Lordships, and infect the common wealth, by their vallainous liuing to the discredit
of some, and ill example to all.
Sir reuerence on your Mastership, good Mas Belman, had you such a moate in your eie,
that you could not sée those Fox-surd gentlemen, that harbour more deceit vnder their
dammaske cassockes, then is in all the poore Rogues in a countrey, Brokers I meane
and Vsurers, that like vultures prey vpon the simple, those that are moaths in a
Common-wealth, liuing vpon the spoile of young gentlemen, as thirstie as a horse-léech,
that will neuer leaue drinking vntill he burst: A Knaue that hath the interest in
the leases of fortie bawdie houses, and a receiuer of lifts, and a dishonourable supporter
of Cutpurses, sléeping with his neighbours pledges all night in his bosome, and féeding
vpon forfeits and penalties, as Rauens doe vpon carrion, one that is a bowzie bawdie
miser, good for none but himselfe, and his trugge, the scumme of your seauen deadly
sinnes, and an enemy to all good mindes.
What say you to these now, good Senior Bel-man, had you not béen better occupied to
haue discouered, and layne open these kinde of Caterpillars then thus at Randum, to rayle on vs poore harmelesse Pilgrims, these are within your precinct and libertie,
with whom you are dayly conuersant. But you will verifie the old saying, where the
ditch is lowest, there men goe ouer thicke and thrée-fold: but it séemes you durst
not make any mention of these, because they bée your good Masters and Benefactors,
[Page] but for my part I care for none of them, no more then they care for me.
The néerest to our profession that I knowe, you are most like to the whip-iacke, who
(as you say) being an idle fellow, and a fresh-water souldier, neuer sayling further
than Graues-end, will talke and prate of the low Countreys, of this battell, & that
skirmish that he fought in, wheras indéed he neuer durst say so much as Boh to a Mouse,
so you neuer going further out of town thē a farthing candle wil light, you will
talke, & prate, & make a flourish of a number of things done both out of your precinct,
and capacitie: say you are acquainted with all the damned Crew about the Citie, must
it néeds follow that you haue the in-sight and myshery of our calling and prrofession
likewise? No good sir, knowe you are wide by the length of your nose, yea, and so
wide that you shall neuer know the full depth therof, vntill you haue vndertaken
the sublime habite, and shape of a poore Pilgrim, and humble Heremite. And so Benedicite.
After this profound Drator had thus bespoken, license was granted to the Bel-man,
to make his answere and purgation, where when he had cleared his throat with a hem,
and made himselfe readie for that purpose, he procéeded thus.
My Masters, and you that are héere present to heareThe Belmans Answer and defence mée, I take no care how to answere you, knowing my cause to be iust and honest, it
hath béene euer knowne, that those that haue guilty consciences wil thinke, that euery
thing that is saidis spoken against themselues. And now I finde it too true, that
it is not good medling with galled Iades, least they winch and kicke. For mine own
part, what I haue saide I dare auouch, and I am sully resolued to stand to my tackling,
come what tempest will. And since you haue giuen me leaue fréely to speak my mind
without interruption, I will begin with your liues, and shew you how vilde and base
it is before God [Page] and the world. For I thinke there be none here but such as you call Maunders, Clapperdugeons,
and a few Padders, and those of the meanest sort, al which I may rightly term you,
& giue you this one name drowsie Drones, and lowsie Loyterers: and what is a Lopterer
or Drone, nothing but a sucker of honie, a spoyler of corne, a destroyer of fruit,
a waster of mony, a spoyler of victuall, a sucker of blood, a breaker of good orders,
a séeker of brawls, a queller of life, a Baseliske of a cōmon-wealth, which by companie
and sight doth poyson a whole countrey, and stayneth honest minds with the infection
of his venome, and so draweth the Common-wealth to death and destruction, and such
is the end of your liues & commanding: when we sée a great number of flies in a yéere,
we iudg it like to be a great plague: and hauing so great a swarming of loytering
vagabonds, & sturdie Rogues readie to brawle and swagger at euery mans dore, doth
it not declare a greater infection readie to ensue.
Who therefore can otherwise déeme. But that this pestilence wherewith this our flourishing
Commonwealth is so plagued with, is aboue all other most pestilent, yea and so pestiferous,
that indeede there can bee no more hurtfull a thing to a wel gouerned estate: and
therefore it is not onely most odious, but also pestilent in that it hath spotted
the whole Countrey with such a staine and blot of idlenesse.
What say you to a number of Vagabonds, and sturdy Rogues that after the ouerthrow
of the enemy, and breaking vp of the Campe, will swarme in euery corner of the Realme,
and not only lie loytering vnder hedges, but also stand sturdely in Cities, and begge
boldly at euery doore, leauing labour which they like not, and following Idlenesse
which they should not? For after wars it is commonly séene that those that went out
honest, returne home againe like Roysters: and as they were brent to the warres bottome,
they haue euer after all [Page] their daies an vnsauory smacke thereof, and smell still towards day-sléepers and
hedge-tréepers, purse-cutters, padders, quarrellers and blood-shedders.
Is it not séene commonly after wars, more robbing, théeuing, begging and murdering
then before? and those to stand in high-waies to aske Almes, whom men are afrayd
to say nay vnto honestly, least it be taken away from them violently, and haue more
cause to suspect their strength, then to pittie their neede: men cannot safely ride
in the high-way, vnlesse they ride stronge: worke is left at home vndone, and loyterers
laze in the stréete, lurke in Ale-houses, and range in the high-waies: sturdy knaues
play in Towns, and complaine of néede, whose filchman or staffe, if it be once warme
in their hands, or sluggishnes bred in their bosome, they will neuer be allured to
worke, according to the saying that you haue among your selues (If you can Cant, you will neuer worke) shewing, that if they haue béene rogues so long, that they can Cant, they will neuer
settle themselues to labour againe. And what more noysome beasts in a Common-wealth
can there be, then you loyterers are? Diuers vermine destroy corne, kill pullen,
and engines and snares are made for them: but for your selues, although you are made
men that should haue reason, yet nothing will serue to bridle you, or kéepe you in
compasse, vntill your neck be compassed with a With or Halter.
And what a griefe is it to an honest man, to labor truly in youth, and to gaine painefully
by labour, wherewith to liue honestly in age, and to haue this (gotten in a long
time) to be suddenly caught and rapt away by violence.
Here the Bel-man would haue said more, and scarce hither to could they refraine themselues,
but with indignation and choler, were ready to teare the poore Belman in péeces
amongst them; for the Sunne being in [Page] Cancer, and the Midsomer Moone at full: their mindes were imbrued with such follies, and
their heads carried away with such vanities, that as men of Athens, they would heare
no man speake but themselues, and thought nothing well said, but what came out of
their owne mouthes. But after the storme was past, and an O Yes was made for silence,A post from Don-Purloyningo. in comes a Poste and Messenger in all hast from Don-Pourloyningo of Theuengen, to the Masters and gouernours of this wicked Rablement, in this fashion:
Roome my Masters, I bring you newes, not common tydings of olde matters, but an answere
of your letters of complaint,His Message to the Court of Crackropes. sent to my Master Don-Pourloyningo: They came to his hands, he hath perused them, and sent you his generall protection,
to defend you from the handes of the impatient and seuere people: now you may be of
good comfort, and pull vp your hearts: if you offend againe, you néede feare no punishment,
but swagger till your guts cracke: you shall haue all at your own willes to the full:
Nay, tis true as I tell you; if you wil not beleeue, you shall sée his letters of
comfort and writing Consolatory, which he hath graunted in fauour to you: dispatch,
get vp all your trumpery, for the shippes will be ready for you at the next winde.
With that he pulled forth of his pocket the protection sent from Don Purloyningo, which followeth. But before we goe any further, you shall heare the Copie of the
Letter, sent by them to this new found Knight: The Indorsement of which is thus.
To the thrise Renouned Potentate Don-Purloyningo, cheife Gouernour of the Region of Theuingen.
CRéeping at your vnreuerend féete your Suppliants,Corporall Fize his letter to Don Purloyningo. the Gentlemen of the ragged Order. That whereas in all places we are daily persecuted
by all sortes of Officers, as Marshals, Beadles, Sergeants, Bayliffes, Constables,
and such other officers, lying continually as spyes to entrappe and catch vs poore
soules, as wee are following our callings in Markels, Faires, frayes, throngs, and
assemblies, wherein heretofore we haue liued reasonable well, though not with any
great credite, yet voyde of suspition or apprehension: and being so taken, haue beene
carried to places of correction, there wofully tormented by Blew-coates, cowardly
fellowes, that durst not let vs haue our hands at liberty; but without al humanity,
haue so scourged vs, that flesh and blood could hardly endure it. And whereas our
predecessours before, for the good of this Common-wealth of ours, tooke great paines
in deuising a new spéech or language, to the end we might vtter our mindes fréely,
and speake boldly without controulement one to another, which no doubt was a great
helpe to vs and our predecessours heretofore; yet such is the malice of some enuious
il-willer of ours, that hath we know not how, not onely discouered our maners and
fashions, but also this our language and spéech, whereby we are often times ouer-hard,
and taken and sent to prisons and tortures, and onely by our owne confessions, which
we haue vttered in this our language, and which haue truste vnto [Page] vs boldly, as if wee had beene safe bolted in a Castle or strong hold. Now forasmuch
as wee haue not any friend to whom we may haue accesse that will heare or tender our
causes in these affaires, we know not whether to resort for aide, but to your good
worshippe, who wee assure our selues loue and fauour vs, and will stretch your selfe
to the vttermost of your power, for our enlargement and deliuerie from these perplexities
by your mediation to Papa Belzebub the blacke Prince: for whose sake we haue endured many bitter stormes, cursings and
reuylings contrarie to our expectation when we first began to practise our trade and
occupation.
Besides the losse of many good booties, as siluer, plate, Iewels, apparrell and such
like things, which when we haue fingred to doe vs credite, haue béene taken as wayfes
to our great impouerishments, when wee haue béene driuen to yéelde to the officers,
by which we finding our selues to grow so weake in purse, dare hardly aduenture to
get to discharge our daily consumations and expences: nay although we would, we cannot;
for the very vulgar are growne so craftie, that we are knowen so well as the beggar
knowes his dish, although we dissemble our habites and estates neuer so much.
Therefore presuming you will vngratiously consider of our hardnesse, and spéedily
fetch vs away from these places which in torture, as to vs more hote then hell: we
lie thicke and thrée-fold vnder staules, bulkes and hedges, praying for your worship,
whose good word we make no question of, knowing well the pitty remayning in your good
head, and often extended in loue to vs, expecting your answere, we leaue you.
Yours in the basest fashion, The Derickmans,
Don Purloyningo at the receit of these wofull letters, hauing an extraordinary tender care ouer them,
as being of one stock and kindred, hath first inuented a course for their transportation
and conueyance into his Territories and Dominions, considering how they are likely
to decrease, and their trade like to faile, through the proditions and betrayings
of the people which are contrary to them, and of another sex, hath appointed them
a place, set and being in the plante Country of Theuingen néere Knaues-borough plaine,
for their more quiet and peaceable liuing: which place, and whose manners I thinke
good to describe, being that it was neuer heard of, vntill of late * daies; to the
intent that such as shall by Don Purloyningo his Patent, haue right and title there,By M. I.H. in the onfines of the same land, may make a preparado to haue passage when the winde
shall sit faire for that place and voyage.
The description of the state and situation of Theuingen, with the nature and disposition
of the people there INHABITING.
THe land of Theuingen is a Countrey bordering vpon the famous and thrice renouned
CitieSignifying a close & strong place to keepe Treasure in. Gazaphilatium: it is a Countrie vast, ful of desarts and thick woods: and although
the land be mightily replenished with al sorts of nations and people, yet is it turned
to no vse at al, neither for pasture nor arable, but only améere wildernesse, it hath
béene a Countrey inhabited from the beginning, although not discouered so plainly
heretofore as of late daies; people from all Countries daily resort [Page] and flocke thither for case and quietnesse, as the Proditorians, Curtatoriences,
Vacabundi Piratorij, Iesuites, Seminacies, and generally all of the Popes Sectaries, all murderers, out-lawes
and fugitiues, Banckrouts and Brokers to the diuels grace, Parasits, day sléepers,
and generally all that haue fought in defence of Lecheritania: These are naturally giuen and inclined to idlenesse and lazie liues, insomuch that
it commeth to passe, that being hungry they will steale one from another, and often
cut one anothers throates: They neuer take paines for any thing they haue, and yet
they haue all thinges without money. Their Béere is of that force, and so mightie,
that it serueth them in steade of meate, drinke, fire, and apparrell, which they learne
of their neighbour Drinktalians to brew: And they haue the praise aboue all other,
farre beyond the Darbalians, the Labourinvaynalians or the Pymlyconians.
The City Gazaphilacium.Close vpon this Countrey East-ward, is situate a goodly, faire, and most rich Citie,
called, as I said before Gazaphilacium: this Citie is very strongly defenced, for
it is inuironed about with a wall of Siluer beaten out with the hammer; and yet for
all this, the Inhabitants are very couetous, and fearefull to lose that which they
haue got together. And for that it is so rich and opulent; all the whole world are
daylie plotting how to supprize the same, sometimes with pollicie, and sometimes
by force: but aboue all the rest, they are troubled and pestered with the Theuengers
that they are forced day and night to kéepe continuall watch and yet for all that,
doe what they can, they are so pilled and robbed by them, vpon the Sea Coasts called
Mare Discontentaneum, that often times they are driuen into great extasies and perplexities.
The people Melancholy.These are altogether bent to Malancholy, and giuen much to be malecontent, for that
the Sea Mare Discontentaneum floweth often ouer the banckes of this Countrey [Page] at euery full Moone; as also because this land being full of Créekes and small Riuers,
which runne out and in this Sea, and the Inhabitants vsing to liue thereof; hauing
little or no other water for their sustenance and contentation, dooth so worke within
their bodies, such a distemperature, that thereof procéedeth a marueilous lumpishnesse
and melancholy blockishnesse in their willes and dispositions, some to cruell murthers,
others to plot Treasons, some to burne houses, and others to runne mad for reuenge;
so that the Inhabitants round about them are wonderfully plagued with them, as theNot so much with the recited misdemeanors, as in cousening and deceiuing them of
Victuals, and Beere, which by long running on the Score, often is seene. Eatealians, theNot so much with the recited misdemeanors, as in cousening and deceiuing them of
Victuals, and Beere, which by long running on the Score, often is seene. Drunkalians,Making faire promises but no deedes. Lecheritanians, and especially the Foolianders, who oftentimes are cousened and cheated
of so much siluer and riches in an houre, as they haue béene gathering and raking
together in tenne yeares before.
They are of a strange Religion, for they feare neither God nor ye diuel: their first father wasWhich is as much to say, the remembrance of our great Grandfather Caine who was
a runnagate, for killing his brother Abel. Caine, frō whence procéeded the race of Runagates, for after that Caine had murdred his brother, I suppose hee ran away out of his natiue country into this
new found land to hide himself, wherin he liued some few yéeres & died, whose posterity
from age to age haue possessed the same. And at this day there is a monument, called
in times past Canabels Now called Canabello quafi, Can and a bel: Because Cans with bels are there altogether
vsed, such a one is in Hounsdich with vs, but it is a Polony Shoe with a Bel, that
will not be left for ten pound, because he hath it by inheritance: But Ingle-bels
at the vpper end of Whit-crosse-street, comes very neere this Countrey fashion. Pyramides; to blot out the remembrance of which, they haue inuented long Cannes and stone pottes,
in forme of that monument, still retayning she forme, but altering the matter or substance.
They haue an imperiall seate of blacke and brittle substance, and therefore subiect
to mouldering, as fast therfore as that consumes away, there are workmen daily appointed
to maintain and repaire the same: there are 7. Subperbranes. wise Mast. of his councell, the wisest wherof once in foure & twenty houres, declares
himselfe openly [Page] a notorious foole by custome: all their councell plotting and deuising is to surprise
that goodly Citie Gazaphilatium: their minds are as braue as Caesars, for their wils must stand for lawes: they are possest with a very humerous disposition
of flattery, for they will looke you in the face smilingly, and in the meane time
picke your pocket: And for their apparell they are so phantasticke, that to day they
will goe in a sute of Sattin, and to morrow in tottered ragges, to day a pound, and
to morrow nere a penny.
Their Language.They haue a language among themselues, composed of omnium gatherum; a glimering whereof one of late daies hath endeuoured to manifest, as farre as his
Authour is pleased to be an intelligencer; The substance whereof, he leaueth for
those that will dilate thereof, enough for him to haue the praise, other the paines,
notwithstanding Harmans ghost continually clogging his conscience with Sic vos non vobis.
Vpon their banners they display an Owle in an Iuy trée with this Motto procéeding
out of his mouth, desertis desertus. Their houses are made cursary like our Coaches with foure whéeles that may be drawne
from place to place, for they continue not long in a place: and although this Countrey
be their owne by inheritance, yet now it is peopled and inhabited by the Eatealians,
Drunkalians, and people of other nations, who do dwel and haue increased marueilously
since the late discouery of this Countrey by Master I.H. Yea sometimes like to the Snaile they carry their houses about them,The fashion of their Houses. like good husbands which are made and tempered of such fine stuffe, that when they
are hungry they may féede thereof; insomuch oftentimes it comes to passe, that hauingeaten
vp their lodging, they are faine to lie in the strubble for want of featherbeds.
They aboue all other people obserue that auncient commaund: Care not for to morrow, for to morrow will [Page] care for it selfe; imitating the men of the olde world, who taking vpon them the habite of pilgrims
and Fryars, earry neither wallet nor scripp, nor yet oftentimes any money in their
purses.
Knaues-borow plaine.In a large and spatious plain called Knaues-borough plaine, doth Don-Purloyningo kéepe his Court, which many men of sundry nations and trades haue desired to sée
and to behold; who when they haue had their desire, and remained but some small time
there, haue so fashioned themselues to the manners and conditions of those people,
that many haue from thenceforth turned Turks, smelled of the Countrey, and sauored
of their detestable and vitious kinde of life all their daies after: and most of your
trauellers hitherto are your vaine and curious Taylors, Myliners, Tyrewoman, Semsters,
S. Martin obseruants, Shuttle-cocke and Farthingal makers, and twenty other occupations, who
to fill the world full of vanities and toyes, care not whither they trauell, so they
may finde out new fashions and fooleries to cousen and deceiue the whole Countrey
againe.
Diuers villages▪In this plaine are situate diuers petty villages and hamlets, as Filchington, Foystham,
Nymington, Liftington, Swearinghampton, the great and the little. These townes at
first were made to entertaine and lodge all such Trauellers as came to sée that auncient
seate of Don-Purloyningo, who were so named, as the Pharoes in Egypt, the Ptolomeys in Gréece, the Cesars
in Rome. Now people strangers finding the Countrey very pleasant to inhabite, take
vp their aboade and content themselues there to liue and die. The end of their trauell
is not so much for curiosity, necessity or pleasure, as for their experience and learning:
The readie high way to this pallace; and the chiefe places of aboade and lodging
in this iourney, I will bréefely set downe as fitting most directly for the Latitude
of great Britaine, and generally for the whole world.
The first day then that they leaue their owne natiue Countrey, & begin to enter the
Dominions of Don-Purloyningo, they passe along a very faire Meddow, passing pleasant to the eye, which is in the
confines and vttermost part of Foolania the lesse: but after halfe a daies iourney,
they come to bogs and quagmyres, much like to them in Ireland, of which vnlesse they
be very carefull, they may quickly slippe vp ouer head and eares in myre.
The first daies iourney.Hauing past the pikes of the first daies danger, they enter into a goodly faire Pallace,
but inhabited by few, hauing this superscription ouer the gates, A Ethiopen lauas, whereupon our English Trauellers call it the Labour-in-Vaine: here many at the first are purposed to remaine and abide: but séeing the place very
spatious and without any Inhabitants, and vsed onely as a Tap-house for Trauellers,
they take it for their lodging the first night, and away they hast in the morning
forward on their iourney.
The second day after thrée or foure myle, they ascend very high and craggy Mountaines,The second dayes iourney farre passing the Clée or Mauluern hils in Wales, wher when they come downe againe,
at the foote of these hilles standeth yet at this day, the Image of the Vicar of Saint
Fooles, to which euery passenger before hee can passe, must offer vpon his knées for
his passe and safe conduct through the Country of Foolania the great (Thirty Bord).
In the middle of this Countrie is built a very faire Citie called (Vanita) beautifull to the eye, but of no permanence, for it is built after such a slight
manner,The City Vanita. that they are faine to re-edifie their houses, walls, and Temples euery yeare a
new: This Citie is gouerned by a woman called Madona Instabilita, Madona Instabita. Noting the seuen deadly sinnes. sitting vpon an Imperiall Throne, farre excellent beyond the seate of Rome, she
weares vpon her head seuen Imperiall Diadems: she is of that power and command, that
she makes the [Page] proude Pope to be at her obeysance: yea and so rules in his Dominions that his land
is altogether gouerned by her and her Councell.
Their Citie walles séeme to be made of chaungeable Taffety, their houses of painted
papers, of sundry cullours; they are busied all day about nothing but inuenting
of new fashions, of Tires, garments, behauiours,The cities description, & the fashions of the people there. spéeches, wordes, and Othes: In their apparell phantasticall; their hats sometime
of the Italian blocke, another while of the French, and another time of the Spanish:
their Dublets with great bellies with the Duchmen, and small skirts; sometimes with
small skirts, and sléeues seamed, and quartered, as if they were to put on Armour
of proofe, to fight vnder the bloody ensigne of the Duke of Shordich: their hose sometimes
Spanish, like to Ship mens hose, and sometimes close to the buttocke like the Venetian
galligascoigne: Lord, it would aske a whole Reame of paper to discribe their fashions;
It were tedious likewise to speak of the variety of their Shooes, and of their Shooe-strings,
Garters, Cuffes, Ruffes, Hat-bands, and all things they weare, not one moneth, nay
scarse a wéeke doe they continue in one fashion: for their liues they are dissolute
in behauiour, Apish, doggish, and Swinish, according to the disposition of their
bodies, flattering in spéech, deceitfull in words, and in Oathes not a diuell can
surpasse them: In all sin they abound, because with them they haue a toleration, like
to Rome, Omnia Venalia Romae. Our gallants in England come most néere them in fashions and behauiour: too néere
them, more is the pittie. Through this Citie thou maiest passe along, but sée thou
tarry not long there, onely marke them and their fashions, as superficially as thou
art able, least too much desiring their company, thou art forced in the end to crie
out thus: O paine thou art compaine too nigh.
The Fountain Tribulamenti Fons.Among the rest, this is to be noted, that in the midst [Page] of this City there issueth out of the earth, a spring in great abundance, which is
walled about with Marble, and serueth the Inhabitants to bathe and wash themselues,
much like to our bathes here in Europe, onely it is of another operation: The people
there call this bath Tribulamenti fons; & it runneth from thence with a swift course along the fieldes and wayes with a thousand
turnings and wyndings, vntill it come to a stéepe promontory, that ouerlooketh all
the countrey of Theuingen, Lecheritania, and the rest, and there maketh so great and
violent a fall, that it spreadeth it selfe, and runneth round about the Countries
by diuers small créekes and Riuers, where méeting with other small Springs of the
same nature, run altogether, as by one consent into the Sea called Mare Discontentaneum.
The third dayes iourney.Leauing this City as well as you can, you passe a whole day along towards Theuingen,
crossing this Riuer twenty times ouer strait and narrow bridges, vntil you come to
this stéepe and high Mountaine before spoken of: vpon the edge whereof, dwelleth
an old Hermit called father Aduisall, a man aged and of long continuance, and therefore well experienced in the world:
a hater of flattery, and a louer of truth. As soone as you come to that place, this
new wel-willer of yours will straight be in hand with you to know from whence you
came, whither you meane to goe in so dangerous a place, and in méere loue and pitty
wil be Inquisitiue how you durst trauell without a warrant from the Magistrate of
your Countrey, perswading you by all meanes, to returne back, and not venture your
life in so dangerous a Countrey as that is, telling you that fewe returne backe the
same men they were, when they first entred that land, but that some returne maymed
and lame, others sicke of one disease or other, and others of frenzie and madnesse,
so contaminat a place, so loathsome the manners, so despised a Countrey, that a man
vnlesse he were halfe besides [Page] himselfe would neuer once desire to beholde that place. Thus, and to this effect
will he speake, and many good perswasions will this good old man vse, and many motiues
he will vrge you with to retire, but all in vain, for when men féele the Reines of
liberty on their necks, and may take a course without controlement, such, whose lust
is law, and whose will must not be controled for a world, little regarding all wise
admonitions or sayings of the aged, doe with the vntamed Colt, and fat fedde Stéede,
let flie their héeles into the ayre,Dictis tamen ille repugnat▪ Propositum{que} petit Flagrat{que} cupidine currus. and with the extrauagant and erring libertine run headlong into a thousand eminent
dangers: then when the blacke Ore hath trod vpon their féete, and haue béene well
beaten with their owne rodde, in the end they come home by wéeping crosse, and crie
Pecaui, when their ambitious conceits gaines them nought but this, to comfort them in their
destruction, that when by their aspiring braine, they haue procured their owne ouerthrow:Hic situs est Phaeton currus auriga patern: Quem si non tenuit, magnis tamen excidit
ausis. men may say after their deaths, this fellow carried a braue minde and shot at mighty
matters.
But to returne, leauing father Aduisall with his good aduise behinde, and following vice now before you, you must downe this
hill (you néede no helpe downe) at the bottome whereof, you shall be at a trice. And
albeit it be tenne dayes iourney vp, yet so is the stéepnes thereof, that you shall
be conueyed to the bottome in halfe an hower: at the foote of this Mountaine are
two great port wayes, the one on the right hand,Two port waies. leading to the Countryes of Lecheritania, Drunkalia and Eatealia, and the other
on the left hand, leading toward Theuingen and the neighbour Countries thereabout.
To leaue the right hand way for such as haue trauelled thither to discourse on,Temple of Venus and her picture. we wil take our iourney toward Don Purloyningoes Pallace: this onely by the way; about tenne myles from the foote of this hill in
Lecheritania standeth the Temple of Venus, and there is the goodly picture of Venus framed [Page] of Siluer, naked in her Chariot, drawne by two Swannes and two Doues, her head bound
with myrtle leaues, a burning starre on her breast, a Globe representing the earth
in her right hand, and thrée golden Apples in her left, behinde her were the thrée
Graces back to backe, hand in hand, and Apples in their hands: not farre off that
place, is likewise to be séene the Storie of Venus her originall, liuely painted out, how Saturne depriued his father Caelus, of those partes which were fittest for generation, and throwing them into the Sea
by wonderful power, La. Venus was made, the blood wherof falling short, sell into the land of Theningen. which
Countrey we are now about; of which sprange fierce, hote, and cruell people, with
which at this day the land is mightily replenished and pestered.
The originall of these peopple.Concerning the originall and beginning of these people, Historiographers doe differ
and disagrée: Leo Hebreus out of the auncient Poet Pronapides, reports that Demogorgon perceiued that a dangerous and pernitious tumult was bréeding in the bowels of Chaos: wherfore of very loue and pitie, he stretched out his hand and opened her womb,
whence presently issued forth a most deformed issue called Litigium, which no sooner appeared but presently it bred brabbles, and made such a foule sturre,
that it waxed proude, and stroue so mount vp to heauen: but Demogorgon soreséeing what would ensue, threwe him downe with his necke forward into this Countrey.
But others more likely, report that they came of Neptune and Iphimedea, which very well may be, for Neptunes brood is furious and vnruely, by reason of the superabundant store of vnbridled
humors, and Iphimedea is nothing else but an obstinate and selfe-wil'd conceit, and desire; grounded in
the minde, and not remoueable: such are your idle vagabonds, that after war wil betake
themselues to no honest course of life to liue in, but bee [Page] robbers by the high waies, cousoners and cony-catchers, that liue by their wits,
and wil not betake them to honest trades, but especially seditious & rebellious subiects
in a Common-wealth, schismatical and hereticall seducers in the Church, as Brownists,
Papists, Iesuites and such like. And for this cause as there was a Schoole erected
for villaines in times past called Cacademica Lycaon, so called because hee was the first that did violate the lawes of truce, and league,
by killing and sacrificing vnto Iupiter a certaine hostrage, sent from the Molessi, whereof came the fable, that he set mans flesh before. Iupiter, to trie whether he were a God or no: So the Pope now hath erected another, because
this was not large enough called (Sattani Senatus) wherein is taught the arte of stabbing, poysoning, betraying, periury, treason in
all degrées, blowing vp and consuming by Gun-powder, Wichcraft and Sorcery, Sodemytry
and Buggerie, torments for innocents. And in truth for the archieuing and bringing
to passe of all mischiefe: so that now if any be so minded to murder his Prince, Father
or Mother, friend, wife or any else, he shalbe here protected, holpen backt, encouraged,
and pardons graunted for them and their children for euer.
The fourth dayes Iourney fearefull sights and Monsters.After a daies iourney, you shall come into desarts and solitary Woodes, wherein you
shall sée very strange and fearefull sights, and apparitions: there will appear to
you monsters that haue faces and bodies comelylike to women, ready to allure and entice
you with them, but their lower partes are vgly and deformed, hauing vpon their handes
and féete sharpe clasping clawes, that if they once graspe you, you shall hardly
escape their clutches. And if they seaze on you, they wil bring you out of the way,
through distraught and seare, vntill you méete another company more horrid and terrible:
Their Haire all [Page] of crawling snakes, their garments down to the héeles, close girt with a snakie girdle,
serpents in the one hand and firebrands in the other, their eyes, face, and téeth
portending malice and vengeance. these are the ministers of death, they dwell in
darke dennes thereabout, their office is to bring such passengers as trauell that
way to a most vnspeakeable horryd denne, out of which procéedes so noysome an exhalation,
that birds as they flie ouer the same are poysoned with the very breath and ayze thereof.Auernus▪ This is that place which in the old world was called Auernus, round about which, and at the entrance of which Caue, Virgill 6. Aenead. placeth a rablement, as woe, vengeance, wrath, sickenes, old age, feare, famine,
penury, death, labour, sléepe, warre, discord and such like: in the midst of this
Caue, is seated an Imperiall Throane, whereon sittes the blacke Prince with a crowne
on his head, a Scepter in his hand, and his great dogge Cerberus betwéene his féete, fawning on those that to leaue this way, if thou be wise, take
héede of the first insinuating flatterers, leaue their pretended friendship and kéepe
on thy way.
In this Country nothing is worthy of praise or commendation, for in all this solitary
trauelling, you shall finde no comfort, but the skriching of Owles, croking of Ratiens,
and such vncoth and balefull Ecchoes, the best part of your foode will be hearbe Rue,
a bitter hearbe to féede on: but after when you haue better looked into your liues
and carriages, you wil cal it herb-grace, your drinke is altogether of the water of
that Countrey, called throughout Aqua discontentanea.
The fift dayes Iourney.After two or thrée daies thus trauelling, you shall come into a faire plaine, called
Knaues-borough plaine, wherein Don Purloyningo kéepes his Court; you shall at the first be made very welcome, yet so that they will
narrowly spie into your carriage and behauiour: And [Page] although they pretend neuer so greate loue and friendshippe vnto you, yet will they
not sticke to cousen and deceiue you if they can, of all you haue.
And thus much for the description of the state and situation of Theuingen, with the
nature and disposition of the people there inhabiting. And now to giue ouer this tedious
Iourney, you shall heare the protection of Don Purloyningo, sent to Corporall Fize, chiefe commander of Rogues, and his Assistantes. The Copy whereof is as followeth.
The copie of the Commission and Graunt, sent from Don Purloyningo to Corporall Fize and his Assistants.
I Don Purloyningo, great Commander ouer the Prouince of Theuingen, haue receiued diuers wofull and
pittifull letters from sundry nations and people, but especially from those vnder
the gouernment of Corporal Fize, chéefe commander of the poore persecuted Pilgrims in Europe, wherein they lay open
to mee their wofull sorrowes, vexations, and troubles that they endure by sundry persons,
in sundry places where they abide. Now forasmuch as it is not onely a Charity, to
redresse their foresaid griefes, by sending for them into a Countrey where they shall
be at quiet and hearts ease, but also a pleasure to people of better fashion, that
cannot by any meanes disgest their idle and vntoward liues, which may proue hurtfull
both to King and people: Be it therefore knowne, that I haue graunted to all persons
whatsoeuer, that will take the benefite of this my Grant and Commission, frée leaue
and license to come and inhabite [Page] within my Countrey of Theuingen, and the profites of my land, to vse and enioy as
fréely without contradiction, as if they were there bred and borne.
Now for the more spéedie execution of the same, we command all Saylers as well within
our Iurisdiction, as without, that they make present search for all olde Boates, Hoyes,
Shippes and Barkes, which haue long rested to be ready for this voyage; and that all
thinges be in a readinesse, to the end that when they are in a good minde, they may
be gone, that neuer after any good land be troubled and combred with so filthy and
noysom a people.
And that all Carmen, Cochmen, and Carters haue their charge in a readinesse at a day,
that they may bee carried in pompe to the water sides: and that all Trumpeters, Bagpipers,
Fidlers and Drummers be ready with their musique to bring them onward of their iourney.
Moreouer we commaund all Iaylors to open their prison doores, and let them all out
that meane to sée my Dominions, and that neuer hereafter they once suffer any to come
within their hold or Iurisdiction: and further vpon their departure we will all inuentions
for punishments appointed for the torturing of such persons be immediately pulled
downe, cut in péeces, and be made in Bon-fires, for ioy that the land is disburdened
of so loathsome a people.
And further we expresly commaund that the Saylers and Marriners (because we know them
to be hasty and surly) to vse them kindly, and not by any means to crosse them, least
they take snuffe in the nose, and so fall together by the eares: for they being very
cholericke (as we haue heard) are subiect to disagréeing.
And that at their arriuall, they be presently placed euery one according to his degrée,
and that with quietnes they receiue the profites of my land, without the let of those,
that haue béene dead fiue hundred yeares before.
Further that no man mocke or delude them, or so much as bid them farewell, for feare
that a little familiarity cause them to haue a desire to remaine and tarry rather
then to walke: but let them haue quiet passing, because they goe to a land better
for their turnes, for they desire only ease, which there they shall haue, if once
they can arriue and get to the borders thereof.
These our Letters and Commission now at your request graunted, our desire is, that
you may doe well, if otherwise betyde you then well, looke to your selues, and vse
your owne discretions; and so fare you well.
At this newes the whole fraternity of Vagabonds whooted for ioy, as glad at the heart
to thinke what a swaggering and dominéering they should kéepe in this new foundland,
and wherein they made account to be young Lords and Masters: so that the poore honest
Belman had license without any controlement or contradiction to depart: and if he
would spit out any more his malice against them, let him spit till hee were drye for
them, for they would little regard what he did, and cared not two chips, because they
were determined to trauell, and meant to be out of the walkes and dangers of the honest.
Now Gentlemen (by my troth) I could finde in my heart to haue spent a bottle of Ale,
that you had béene there with me, to haue seene the concourse of these Catterpillers,
and heard the confused noyse of these cousening Crack-ropes, singing, hollowing and
whooping, dancing and whistling: at this time there you should haue seene one that
had béene lame néere fortie yeares, and gone on his Crowches fiftéene to my knowledge,
throw away his stilts, and daunce the round Morrice: there another that puttes on
a foule cloth on his head counterfeiting the falling-sicknesse, throw it away in a
corner, and falles to swagger with his Doxie: here anther [Page] with pitifull sore legges and armes to sée to, can now leape and wrastle as well
as the best, and diuers with scalde pates and other diseases going before double in
the stréetes, to cause and moue pitty, can now for ioy stand on their heads, fetch
friskes about the house, pull one another by the eares: and indéede what did they
not doe? none could perceiue but that they were all youthfull and lusty.
Hoist vp saylors, the drummers and pipers are at hand, lay plancks, make ready,
they come, they come: A iolly crue, God send they want no shipping: A faire company
I promise you, when they are all gone, we shal haue corn good cheape, Ware your purses
hoe, All tooke all pleasure, and all for ioy to be sayling.
Suppose now by this the greatest part of them are sayling on the blacke Sea, what
will become of them, how they arriued, how entertained by the Inhabitants there, and
of their prosperous voyage, you shall heare at the next boat-post. In the meane time,
because the Belman entreateth any that is more rich in canting, to lend him better
or more with variety, he will repay his loue double: I haue thought good not only
to shew his errour in some places in setting downe olde wordes vsed fortie yéeres
agoe before he was borne; for wordes that are vsed in these dayes (although he is
bold to call me an vsurper (for so he doth in his last round) and not able to maintayne
the title) But haue enlarged his Dictionary (or Master Harmans) with such wordes as I thinke hée neuer heard of (and yet in vse too) but not out
of vaine glorie, as his ambition is, but indéede as an experienced souldier that hath
déerely paid for it: and therefore it shall be honour good enough for him (if not
too good) to come vp with the Reare (I doe but shoote your owne arrow backe againe)
and not to haue the leading of the Van as he meanes to doe, although small credite
in the end will redound to eysher.
You shall know the wordes not set in eyther his Dictionaries by this marke §: and
for shewing the errour in his words, and true englishing of the same and other, this
marke ¶ shall serue.
- § Abram madde.
- [Page]§ He maunds Abram. he begs as a madde man.
- Autem the Church.
- Autem mort, a married woman.
- ¶ Bung is now vsed for a pocket, heretofore for a purse.
- Boord a shilling.
- Halfe a Boord, fixepence.
- Bowse drinke.
- Bowsing ken, an Ale-house
- Ben good.
- Benship very good.
- Buffa a Dogge.
- Bing a wast, get you kence.
- § Budge a beake, runne away.
- § A Bite, secreta () mulierum.
- Caster a Clocke.
- § Crackmans the hedge.
- Comission a shirt.
- § To Castell, to sée or looke.
- § A Roome Cuttle, a sword.
- § A Cuttle bung, a knife to cut a purse.
- § Chepemans, Cheape-side market.
- To Cut, to tell or call.
- ¶ Cut me ben whids, tell me truth.
- ¶ To Cut quire whids, to lie.
- Crashing Cheates, Apples.
- ¶ Chates, the Gallowes: here he mistakes both the simple word, because he so found it printed,
not knowing the true orginall thereof, and also in the compound; as for Chates it should be Cheates, which word is vsed generally for things, as Tip me that Cheate, Giue me that thing: so that if you will make a word for the Gallous, you must put
thereto this word Treyning, which signifies hanging; and so Treyning Cheate is as much to say, hanging things, or the Gallous, and not Chates.
- Coue a man.
- [Page]¶ Cowch a Hogshead, to lie downe and sléepe: this phrase is like an Alminacke that is out of date: now
the duch word to slope is with them vsed, to sléepe, and liggen to lie downe.
- § Crancke, the falling sickenesse: and thereupon your Rogues that counterfeit the falling sickenes,
are called counterfeit Crancks.
- To Cly the Iarke, to be whipped.
- Drawers Hosen.
- Dudes Clothes.
- Darkemans the night.
- Dewsauell the Countrey.
- Dup the gigger, open the doore.
- § Afflicke a Théefe.
- Fambles hands.
- Fambling Cheates, Kings.
- § Famblers, a paire of Gloues.
- § To Filch, to beate.
- § A Filchman, a cudgell or staffe.
- Flag, a groate.
- § To Fence properly, to sell any thing that is stolne.
- § To Foyst, to picke a pocket.
- § A Feager of Loges one that beggeth with counterfeit writings.
- Glasiers, eyes.
- § Greenemans the fields.
- Gan a mouth.
- Gage a quart pot.
- Granam Corne.
- Glymmer Fire.
- Gigger a doore.
- § Gilkes for the gigger, false keyes for the doore or pick-lockes.
- § Gracemans, Gratious stréete market.
- Gentry mort, a Gentlewoman.
- Gentry Cous ken, a Gentlemans house.
- [Page]Harman becke the Constable.
- Harmons the stockes.
- § Iockam a mans yard.
- § Ian a purse.
- § Iere a Turd.
- Ken an house.
- Stawling ken, a house to receiue stolne goods, or a dwelling house.
- § Lugges eares.
- Lagge of dudes, a bucke of clothes.
- § Loges a passe or warrant.
- § A Feager of loges, one that beggeth with false passes.
- Lybbeg a bedde.
- Lower money.
- Lybkin a house to lodge people.
- Lagge water or pisse.
- Lightmans the day.
- Mynt gold.
- The Muggill, the Beadle.
- Make an halfpenny.
- Maunding begging.
- § What maund doe you breake, what kind of begging vse you?
- § Ile myll your maund, Ile spoyle your begging.
- § To nip a Ian, to cut a purse.
- § Nab a head.
- § Nab cheate an hat.
- § Numans Newgate market.
- ¶ Nigling, company kéeping with a woman: this word is not vsed now, but wapping, and thereof comes the name wapping morts Whoores.
- Prat a Buttocke.
- § Your prat whids Romely, you fart lustily.
- ¶ Pecke meate, pecke is not meate but peckage, pecke is taken to eate or byte: as the Buffa peckes me by the stampes, the dogge bites me by the shinnes.
- [Page]Ruff peck Bacon.
- § Peckage meat or Scroofe scraps.
- § To Plant to hide.
- § Stow your whids and plant
- § The Coue of the ken can kant.
- Prauncer an horse.
- Prigging riding.
- Patrico a Priest.
- Pad a Way.
- § Padder an high-way robber or purse taker.
- § Quire, this word is alwayes taken in il sense for naught
- § Quire ken a prison house.
- § Quire bowse bad drinke.
- § VVhat a quire whidding keepe you, what a scolding kéep you?
- Quarroms the body, or armes, or backe.
- Roome vile a great towne, commonly taken for London.
- Roome bowse wine: this word is alwayes taken in the best sense, to shew a thing extraordinary
or excellent.
- § Roome bowsin ken, a Tauerne.
- Roome mort a Quéene or Gentlewoman, and so Roome Coue a Gentleman.
- ¶ Ruffmans, not the hedge or bushes as heretofore: but now the eauesing of houses or roofes:
Cragmans is now vsed for the hedge.
- Ruffian the diuell.
- § Scrappes, fatte and glorious bittes: sound blowes and bangings.
- § The muggill will tip you fat scraps and glorious bits, the Beadle will well bumbast you.
- Stampes legges.
- Stampers shooes.
- Slate a shéete.
- Scew a Cuppe or Glasse, a Dish or any thing to drinke in.
- Skipper a barne.
- [Page]¶ Salomon the masse: Now when many doe presse the poore rogues so earnestly to sweare by the
Salomon, doe not blame them though they refuse it; for although you know not what it meanes,
yet they very well know: Many men I haue heard take this word Soloman to be the chiefe commander among the beggers; but to put them out of doubt, this
is not he: marry there was one Solomon in K. HENRY the eights time that was a iolly fellow among them, who kept his Court most an end
at Foxe Hall at the vpper end of Lam beth (if it be true as their Records make mention)
who was Successour to Cocke Lorrell: of him and his successors much is to bee spoken if licence may be graunted, and of
whose Ruannagate race I could frame a whole treatise: but here enough.
- § A Stander, he that stands sentinel vpon the Pad or highway to robbe.
- Stromell the straw.
- § Spreader butter.
- ¶ Smellar a garden, not Smelling cheate, for thats a Nosegay.
- § Treyning hanging.
- § Treyning cheate the gallous.
- § To tip to giue.
- § Tip a make ben Roome Coue, giue a halfepeny good Gentleman.
- To tower or Castell to sée.
- § To whid to speake.
- § A Winne a penny.
- § VVhittington Newgate.
- Yarrim pottage or milke.
And thus haue I runne ouer the Canters Dictionary, to speake more at large, would
aske more time then I haue allotted me, yet in this short time that I haue, I meane
to sing song for song with the Belman, ere I wholly leaue him.
1. Canyzon.
TOwre out ben morts & towre,
Looke out ben morts & towre,
For al the Roome coues are budgd a beake,
And the quire coues tippe the lowre.
The quire coues are budgd to the bowsing ken,
As Romely as a ball,
But if we be spid we shall be clyd,
And carried to the quirken hall.
Out budgd the Coue of the Ken,
With a ben filtch in his quarr'me
That did the prigg good to bingd in the Risome,
To towre the Coue budge alar'me.
But now I will shew you what I heard at Knock-vergos, drinking there a pot of English Ale, two Maunders borne and bred vp rogues wooing
in their natiue language.
2. Canyzon.
O Ben mort wilt thou pad with me,
One ben siate shall serue both thee & me,
My Caster and Comission shall serue vs both to maund,
My bong, my lowre & fambling cheate
Shall be at thy command.
O Ben Coue that may not be,
For thou hast an Autem mort who euer that is she,
If that she were dead & bingd to his long Libb,
Then would I pad and maund with thee,
And wap and for thee fibb.
O ben mort Castle out & Towre,
Where all the Roome coues slopne that we may tip the lowre,
Whē we haue tipt the lowre & fenc't away the duds
Then binge we to the bowsing ken,
Thats cut the Robin Hood.
But O ben Coue what if we be clyd,
Long we cannot foist & nip at last we shal be spyed,
If that we be spied, O then begins our woe,
With the Harman beake out and alas,
To VVhittington we goe.
Stow your whids & plant, and whid no more of that,
Budg a beak the Crackmās & tip lowr with thy prat
If treyning thou dost feare, thou ner wilt foist a Ian,
Then mill, and wap and treine for me,
A gere peck in thy gan.
As they were thus after a strange maner a wooing, in comes by chance a clapper dudgeon
for a pinte of Ale, who as soone as he was spied, they left off their roguish poetry,
and fell to mocke the poore maunder thus.
3. Canyzon.
The Clapper dugeon lies in the skipper,
He dares not come out for shame,
But when he binges out he dus budg to the Gigger,
Tipp in my skew good dame.
And thus hath the Bel man through his pitifull ambition caused me to write that I
would not: And wheras he disclaims the name of Brother-hood, I here vtterly renounce
him & his fellowship, as not desirous to be resolued of any thing he professeth on
this subiect, knowing [Page] my selfe to be as fully instructed herein as euer he was. But hereof enough, if not
more then enough: I meane now to shew the originall and beginning of these people,
when they began to gather to an head, and how they first came vp.
The Runnagates Race, or the Originall of Regiment of Rogues, when they first began
to take head, and how they haue succeeded one the other successiuely, vntill about
the sixe and twentieth yeare of King HENRY the eight, collected out of the Legend
of LOSSELS.
AT what time King Henry the sixt of famous memorie bare rule ouer the Britanes, there was one Iohn Mendal (alias Iack Cade) an Irish man,29. K.H. 6. that named himselfe by the name of Iohn Mortimer, cousen to the Duke of Yorke, whereupon hee gathering together a great company out
of Kent, assured and perswaded them, that the enterprise he tooke in hand, was both
honourable to God and the King, and profitable to the whole Realme: the Kentish men
moued with these perswasions and other faire promises, marched to blacke heath, where
they lay for a month pilling the Countrey round about.
At the same time, which was about one thousand foure hundred and fiftie, two vnruly
fellowes (the one named Blewbeard, the other Hugh Roberts) which were lately come ouer from France, who had béen souldiers vnder the Duke of
Somerset and the Earle of Shrewsbury in the winning and loosing of Constance, Guysons,
Roane [Page] and diuers other Cities in France: the which Blewbeard in a Commotion, shortly after he came ouer, being made their Captaine,Roberts the first Commander. before he had attempted any thing at all, was taken and executed: But Roberts kéeping in Kent, gathered a number of Rakehels and Vagabonds together to the number
of an hundred in that Countrey, to whom likewise masterlesse men after they heard
of his fame, came cluttering on heapes, so that he had in a short space to the number
of fiue hundred followers.
These sturdie Vagabonds ioyning with Iacke Mendall in this rebellion, march toward London, and enter Southwarke, and there lodged at
the white Harte for a night or two, prohibiting al from Rape, robery and murder,
the more to allure the hearts of the people to fauour his enterprise. After, they
come into London, and there they play Rex. and returne backe into Southwarke againe, where, after many conflicts betwéene them
and the Citizens, the Kings pardon was proclaimed: at which hearing, the poore people
were so glad, and so ready to receiue it, that without bidding farewell to their
Captaines, withdrew themselues euery man towards his owne home.
Iack Mendall despairing of succours, and fearing the reward of his lewd dealings, fled away into
the woods. But Proclamation made, that whosoeuer could bring Iacke aliue or dead to the King, should haue a thousand Markes for his paines, was after
slaine by a Gentleman in Kent, and so brought to the King.
But Roberts kept himselfe in the woods closely a long time after, although not with so great
a company as he had before, and there liued by robbing and spoyling in the night,
and kept themselues close in all the day. And thus by the space of a twelue moneth,
they passed their time in villany, robbing and spoyling the Country people of their
poultry, pigges and other sustenance, wherewith they sustained themselues and their
families. In [Page] which time he set downe lawes and customes to be kept and obserued among them, and
to kéepe them in awe and fashion, who are prone of themselues to liue out of all rule
and fashion.
- 1 First he appointed that of euery thing that they got, he had first the taking and
leauing of the best thereof at his pleasure.
- 2 That if any of their fellowes could not purchase any victuals or necessities for
foode that night, that then they shold be in cōmons with the rest the day following.
- 3 That no robbery or violence bee vsed vpon any man within foure miles of the wood,
or the place of their aboade.
- 4 That none be so hardy, as to run to the wood for succor or reléefe, after he hath
perpetrated any thing, lest that hugh and crie follow, and so discrie the whole company.
Thus after a yeare and vpward was spent by them in this sort, they brake vp their
Campe, and Proclamation was made, to méete there in that place euery thrée yeares
for a memoriall, if they then liued: In the meāne time they spread themselues abroad
in the Countrey, some remaining there, others trauelling North-ward, and ioyne themselues
with the Duke of Yorke, and generally in all Commotions and rebellions. These in
memory of there first acquaintance and loue to their new found Captaine, called themselues
by the name of Roberts-men, as the seruants of Hugh Roberts their Commaunder.
This Roberts liued rouing vp & down the country for the space of ten years: in which time he kept
his Court daies as himselfe listed, and in which time there came to him diuers new
followers, and as some decayed and died, some hanged & dead of the poxe (for to that
end they all come) so others succéeded in their places.
In the first yeare of Edward the fourth, this Roberts in [Page] the warres against Henry the sixt in the North partes (who was deposed) was there slaine, besides 36776. persons all Englishmen.
Hereupon presently (their late Captaine now dead) all that were left aliue of this
company, hye themselues to their wonted place of méeting, where, by the generall assent,
they chose one (Ienkin Cowdiddle) to bee their ring-leader.
This Ienkin Cowdiddle was a man giuen much to swearing, drunkennesse and lechery:Ienkin Cowdiddle. 2. he was neuer out of England as souldier or traueller, but from his first beginning
he continued a wandring rogue, he was stout of stomacke, audacious and fierce, hee
was knowne to all the damned crew for a boone companion, and therefore chosen as fittest
for their Captaine: hee first ordained, that none were so hardy as to haue the vndooing
of a maid wanderer, or any thing to do with her, vnlesse first she were brought to
him to be broken vp, or to some of his assignes, that could obtain the same of him
by friendship or bribery.
Hee commaunded likewise that all beggers should spend all their gettings in the day
past,A Custome. in good Béere or Ale at night, or at the fardest by saterday night: and if any were
found or knowne to haue aboue two pence half peny in his purse on munday morning,
he shold forfeit a dousen of béere, to any whatsoeuer of their company would challenge
it. He exercised his commaund about tenne yeares, vntill the time that the great rebellion
and vprore was in the Western parts, as Summersetshire, Wilshire, Dorset-shire and
Cornewall, about the crowning of Prince Edw. son to K. H. 6. who had béen all this while in France: and this fell out about the 11. yeare of Edw. 4. then this Ienkin Cowdiddle accompanied with 300. tottered knaues,Edw. 4.11. yeer 1471. ioyned in battell against the K. with the westerne men, in which battell at Teuxbury
he was slaine, and buried there with the rest of the dead bodies.
The battel ended, these Robert-men (for so they were termed a long time after) hye them to their Kandauow, their vsuall
and knowne place,Spising 3. and there with the full consent of the whole company, They chose one Spysing to be his successour.
And now when as the feast and solemnizing of this new made squire was newly ended,
news was brought to this Spising, how that one Thomas Neuell sonne to Fankenbridge (who had béene at Sea as a Pirate, and robbed diuers Merchants) was newly arriued
in England, and got a great company of Marriners out of all parts of the land, and
many traytors and misgouerned people to follow him, whereunto as fitly for his turne
this Spising accompanies and enters into league and familiarity, besides diuers also forth of
other Countries that delighted in theft and robberies.
And now his strength encreased daily, for hauing bin at Callice, and brought from
thence into Kent many euill disposed persons, he began to gather his power in that
Country, meaning to attempt some great and wicked enterprise against King Edward and his Kingdome, but his quarrell he pretended, was to haue King Henry the sixt out of the Towre, and to restore him to his Scepter againe. Thus accompanied
with seuentéene thousand men, they marched into London by shippes which lay betwéene
Blacke wall and Redriffe: and then came Spising with his hand at Algate, who behaued themselues stoutly, that they wan the Bulwarke
there, and draue the Citizens backe within the Port cullis, and entred the gate with
them to the number of a dousen; but some of them were slaine with the fall of the
Port cullis, that was let downe vpon them to kéepe the residue out: but those that
were within the wals was suddenly dispatcht.
To be short, at last the Bastard was vanquished and vtterly dispaired; for hearing
the King comming with [Page] thirtie thousand men, durst stay no longer, but brake vp and dispersed themselues
some one way, and some another. The Bastard with his Mariners and such rebels, robbers
& wicked persons, as sought nothing but spoile, got them to Ship-board as fast as
they could. Those that were left behinde, and those of Spysings company lurked a day or two about the Contrey secretly in woods, vntill they thought
the coastes to be clear, and after met at their wonted place, where they, as merry
as pot and canne passe their time in villany and robbery.
This Spising was a man giuen to voluptuousnesse, pleasure, and delight in Bowsing and Venery:
He ordered, that euery one that professed himselfe a Wanderer, and taking vpon him
the occupation of begging, shal be stauled to the order of rogues; that is,A Custome. hee shall bee brought to the chiefe Commander then being, and there he shall shew
the cause of his going abroad, and what Countrey man he is: which done, he payes a
dousen of béere as a fine for his fréedome and Instaulment, and so is permitted to
liue and die a rogue: but if he be borne a rogue: that is, if his Grandfather were
one, so that consequently he must be one also, such a one shall bee fréely discharged
from such enstaulement, as being made frée by his fathers copie. This Spising about the first yeare of King Edward the fift, committed a robbery and murder (néere High-gate in Middlesex) where after
he fledde and tooke sanctuary at Westminster,K. Edw. 5.3, 1483. for these places in that time were wonderfully abused by wicked men: rablements
of Théeues, Murderers and Traytors would thither flocke when they had atchieued any
villany, vnthrifts ryot and runne in debt vpon boldnesse of these places, rich men
runne thither with poore mens goods; there they build and there they spend, and bid
their creditors goe whistle, mens wiues runne thither with their husbands plate,
and say they dare not abide with their husbands, for feare of beating: Theeues bring
in thither [Page] their stolne goods, and there liue vpon them vntill al is spent, and when nothing
is left, they againe in the night range abroad to séeke other booties: there they
deuise new plots to rob and kill, and then to come in again at their pleasure: so
those places did not only giue them safegard for their villanies, but a license also
to do more. Such a one was this Spysing for a yeare or two before he was hanged; for being taken the second time at Womburne
in Stafford shire, for killing a man in a drunken humour, was presently apprehended,
and carried to the Goale, and after hanged all saue the head: he Dominéered about
eleuen yeares.
Not long after, when certaine newes was blased abroad of their Captaines confusion,
they chose a notable swaggering rogue called Puffing Dicke, to reuell ouer them,Puffing Dicke the fourth. who plaid reuell rout with them indéede: in this Squire there were no villanies left
vnattempted, but he was still at the one end.
He first gaue termes to robbers by the high way, that such as robbe on horse-backe
were called high lawyers,2. Sorts of robbers by the way. The first sort. and those who robbed on foote, he called Padders: the difference of these two sorts
of villanes is this.
The first sort are called Gent. robbers or théeues; and these ride on horses well
appointed, and goe in shew like honest men: the other robbe on fooke, and haue no
other helpe but a paire of light héeles and a thicke woode, Concerning the first sort,
that delight in the credite of a high Lawyer, that with their swords fréeboote abroad
in the countrey like Cauileroes on horse-backe, are commonly such men, that eyther
are younger brethren, who being brought vp in idlenesse and gaming, when their friends
are dead, do fall to this kind of life to maintaine the maine chance: others againe
being left well by their friends, hauing no gouernement of themselues, but banqueting
with Whores, and making late suppers, doe greatly impouerish and begger themselues:
and when [Page] all is spent after this manner, and their money wasted like snow against the Sunne:
they for their Vltimum refugium, as forced to vndertake this wretched and abhorred profession, robbing honest poore
men, and taking all their money from them, yea and often more then is their owne,
to the vtter vndoing of their poore man, his wife and children for euer, who when
they haue it, wast it as vainly as they wickedly purchast it. And others, that hauing
béene souldiers when they come from the warres, eyther by breaking vp of the Campe,
or by running away from their colours to sée their friends, or what way soeuer, cannot
betake themselues to any honest trade of life, but louing to liue in idlenesse, betake
themselues to robbing and stealing, vntill they be taken and carried westward there
to make their rehersall.
These fellowes first that they may not be knowne, bespeake and get such artificial
beards and heads of haire, that although you ride, dine, and sup with them from day
to day, you shall not be able to discerne them, nor espie their falshood. And in
this practise all their villany consists: for I haue heard and partly know a high-way
lawyer rob a man in the morning, and hath dined with the martin or honest man so robbed
the same day at an Inne being not descried, nor yet once mistrusted or suspected
for the robbery.
Their knauery is on this manner; they haue alwaies good geldings and trusty, which
they can make Curtailes when they list, and againe set too large tailes, hanging
to the fetlockes at their pleasure, yea and so artificially, that it shall not be
perceiued or spied of the Ostler that dresseth them: besides they haue clokes Tormosant, as they call them, made with two out-sides, that weare them howsoeuer the right side
will bee alwaies outward: now their artificiall beards and heads of haire withall,
will make them séeme to dance in a net a long time ere they be espied. Now how easie
it is for [Page] them to escape all dangers, all Hues and Cries, it may easily be perceiued, for the
complexion of the man, and his beard, the garments that he weares, and the making
of his horse, thrée things which are the especiall markes whereby notice is taken
to make enquiry: which being chaunged and altered, they may escape as safely as they
did the robbery.
The other sort of robbers, that hauing no meanes to relieue them, in stead of swift
courses to eschue danger, flie away vpon their trustie tenn-toes into woodes and close
places, there to continue vntill Hue and Crie bee past: these fellows we are counterfeit
beards and heads of haire, as the other sort doe, vsing not many words, but Stand and deliuer: some will haue curst and man kind Masties following them, to further and helpe them
in this enterprise: some vnder the name of the vpright man or souldier as they goe
through townes, begge the charitable deuotion of people, they will goe also strongly
with thrée or foure in a company to a farme house, where oftentimes they are relieued
more for feare then deuotion: but when they can come in place where they may conueniently
take a purse, it shall goe hard but that they will eyther win the horse or loose the
saddle▪ although their hardy aduenture be paid home with a cracke of the best ioynt
they haue after.
The first cousoner at dice.But to returne againe to Puffing Dicke; this diuell incarnate, as he was bold to attempt any wicked enterprise, so he wanted
not wit first to lay the plot to atchieue it, and to bring it to passe. He vsed first
the cousenage at dice, and to inuent for that purpose false dice, whereby he got much
money. But as it was ill got, so was it as ill spent in all manner of vice that could
bee named, wherein he excelled all before him: yet this by the way, it is reported
of him, that he was frée from murder, and commanded, that whosoeuer vnder his conduct,
was so cruell as to murder any man or woman in the attempt [Page] of robbing them, should forthwith be discouered to be apprehended: he likewise ordered
that all high lawyers, padders, Lifts, Foists, Cheaters or Cony-catchers,A Custome. shal not presume to purchase any landes or reuenues, nor whord vp their money to
the hinderance of good fellowship, maintenance of good natured damsels, and impeachment
of the fraternity: but that they shall heartily spend it, among good company and
fellowes, such as themselues are, and as they came lightly by it, so lightly to let
it flie: he was a man crafty and bolde, yet he died miserably; for after he had commanded
now fully eight years, he had the pyning of the Poxe and Neapolitane Scurffe. And
here an end of Puffing Dicke.
Lawrence Crosbiter 5. The first inuenter of crosbiting.In his place was chosen by the consent of the rablement, one not much inferiour in
vice to the former, but in regard of manhood a méere crauant, called Lawrence Crosbiter, or long Lawrence. This Lawrence had béene brought vp all his daies a Seruing-man, and now being about fiftie or thrée
score, at what time Seruingmen are past the best, and commonly grow lasie, was cast
out of seruice, and so was faine to liue among the wicked, sometimes a stander for
the padder, sometimes a verser for the cony-cacher, somtimes a stale for a foyst,
but most commonly an Apple-squire for a trudging house: he first vsed that art which
now is named Crosbiting, and from whose name, this damned art (Crosbiting) tooke her
first call, as of Lawrence Crosbiter that first inuented the same. The manner in breefe is thus: Some base rogue without
the feare of God or man, that kéepeth a whore as a friend, or marries one to be his
maintainer, consents or constraines those creatures to yéelde the vse of their bodies
to other men, that so taking them together, they may strip the leacher of all the
money in his purse or that he can presently make.
He commaunded about sixe yeares, and then as he liued in filthinesse, so was his
end, for it was reported that [Page] his bowels were eaten out with the poxe, whilst he was yet aliue, so miserable was
the end of this wretch.
All these sixe yeares that this Lawrence liued in his controulment, he durst neuer be so hardy as once to aide Perken VVarbeck, in the attempting of the Crowne: so slauish was his mind, and giuen to cowardize,
for all the time that he bare rule among his companions, which was from 1491. vntil 1497. did Perkin VVarbeck assay to win the kingdom, fayning himselue to bee the Duke of Yorke, son to K. Edw. 4. deceased: to the bringing to passe of which deuise, he assayed many waies, plotted
diuers deuises, and attempted mighty matters, and yet all in vaine, for after almost
sixe yeares (all which time he was busied about this enterprise) he was taken prisoner,
after he had taken Sanctuary at Bewdly not farre from Southampton.
To set down the whole story of this Perkin Warbeck it would be long, & besides from the matter now in hand: but because the sequell
of the story a little concerneth vs, I will bréefely runne it ouer: and thus it was.
Perkin Warbeck his pedegree.He was a man base of stocke, a Flemin by birth, and prouoked to faine himselfe the
sonne of K. Edward 4. by the Duches of Burgony, sister to King Edward 4.
He first went into Ireland out of Fraunce, to entice the Irish to rebell, after called
backe by the French King to goe against King Henry the seuenth then inuading Fraunce: after this he lands in Kent, purposing to prooue
the people, how they were affected towards him: hereupon hee sends some of his men
out of the Shippes to know their minds: but they were suddenly taken by the Sheriffe
of Kent, and railed in ropes like horses in Carts, were adiudged most to be hanged;
but Perkin hoysts vp his sails at these tydings,Sayles into Scotland and marries the Kings kinsewoman. & away sailes he again into Ireland, where he staies not long, being a place not
sit for his turne, the people being poore & naked, he sayles into Scotland, where
after a smooth long Oration, [Page] to the King hee is royally entertained by the said King: afterward the King to perswade
the world ye all was true, espouseth the La. Katharine, He goes against Engl. daughter to Alexander Earle of Huntley his nigh kinseman, to him: then go they both against England, wasting
all Northumberland, & committing many outrages and enormities:Retyres. but when they saw no aid to come from England they retire; after Perkin (vpon the truce betwéen England and Scotland) with his wife saile into Ireland again:After into Cornewall. from thence cuts ouer into Cornwal, wher he gathered to him aboue 3000. persons, all promising him to take his part, and follow him till death.
His three Councellors.First then by the aduise of his Councellours, Iohn Heron Mercer, a Bankrout, Richard Skelton a Taylor, and Iohn Asteley a Scriuener, they assay the winning of Exeter, where for lacke of Munition for Warre,
and Ordnance to breake open the Gates, they endeuoured by casting of stones,They assay to win Exet. lifting with Iron barres, and kindling of fires vnder the Gates, to bring to passe
their purpose: much a doo there was heere about this enterprise: But when hee heard
the King comming with his power, hee remooues to Taunton, and the King after him:He takes Sanctuary at Bewdley. vppon this hee flies to Bewdley, and there takes Sanctuary, but after péeldes himselfe
to the mercy of the King, who being deliuered to the Kings Guard carefully to be kept,
notwithstanding escapeth, and thought to get ouer into Flanders: but the Sea coasts
being all laid that he could not passe, he was in a great perplexity, came backe to
the Prior of Shéene besides Richmond, and there intreats the Prior, euen for Gods
sake to beg his life of the King: The K. at the request of the Prior pardoned him,
but was set in the stocks at Westminst. hal doore a whole day, & so like wise yt next day was he set on a Scaffold at the Standard in Cheapside, with many mocks &
reuilings cast against him: being now in hold again by false [Page] perswasions and great promises corrupted his kéepers, and would haue fledde away,
but his purposes being knowne,Executed at Tyburne. he was at last apprehended, taken, and executed at Tiburne, he and his kéepers. And
this is the end of Perkin Warbecke: Lawrence Crosbiter now dead, and Perkin VVarbecke, with two of his Councellors Hearne and Asteley, fledde to Sanctuary: it booted not the company to stay there,1497. but their chiefe leaders fledde, euerie one threw away his armour as people amazed,
and betake themselues to their heeles: among the rest Skelton a notable knaue, one of Perkins Councellors before mentioned,H. 7.13. being well knowne among the Rascalitie, was led to the wonted place of méeting, and
there solemnely was stawled a rogue, and made their generall.
This Skelton was sometimes a Taylor in Taunton in Sommerset shire,Skelton 6. who being blowne downe with an vnfortunate blast, was forc't and ready for any Commotion
or rebellion: he was of a proude and haughty disposition: he liued in this new Gouernment
vntill about the fourth yeare of King Henry the right, which was in the yeare 1501.
This fellow among other decrées and orders confirmed this: That if any one vsing
the necessary helpe of his crutches (although indéede hee hath not any néede or vse
of them,A custome. but onely to deceiue people therewith) shall at any time forsake them for a time,
either to runne for a wager with another, or to play at nine holes, loggets or bowles,
or any other game, so that he be séene and marked by some that haue séene him else-where
with his crooches halting, and by them so challenged for a counterfeit rogue, he
shall forfeite for euery such offence two dousen of béere, as a fine for disgracing
so ancient a trade as peregrination.
After him succéeded by the Generall Councell, one Cocke Lorrell, Cock Lorrell 7 K. H. 8.4.1511. the most notorious knaue that euer liued: by trade he was a Tinker, often carrying
a panne and a [Page] hammer for a shew: but when he came to a good booty, he would cast his profession
in a ditch, and play the padder and then would away, and as hee past through the
towne, would crie, Ha you any worke for a Tinker. To write of his knaueries, it would
aske a long time: I referre you to the old manuscript, remayning on record in maunders
hall.
This was he that reduced and brought in forme the Catalogue of Vagabonds or quarterne
of knaues called the fiue and twentie orders of knaues:The quarters of knaues made by Cock Lorrell. but because it is extant and in euery mans shop, I passe them ouer.
And now about this time, when as warres abroade, and troubles domesticall were ended,
swarmed in euery part of the land these Caterpillers, like slies against a plague:
in the northerne partes another sort of Vagabonds (at the diuels-arse-a-peake in
Darbishire) began a new regiment,Aegyptians, calling themselues by the name of Egiptians: These were a sort of rogues, that liued
and do yet liue by cousening and deceit, practising the arte called legerdemaine,
or fast and loose, whereby they got to themselues no small credite among the Countrey
people by their déepe dissembling and deceitfull practises, féeding the common people
wholly addicted and giuen to nouelties, toyes and new fangles, delighting them with
the strangenesse of the attire of their heads, and practising palmistry to such as
would know their fortunes.
The first that inuented this new fellowship was one Giles Hather: he carried about with him his whore called (Kyt Calot) which was termed the Quéene of Egipties:Kyt Calot. they goe alwaies neuer vnder an hundred men or women, causing their faces to be made
blacke, as if they were Egyptians: they wander vp and down the Country as it pleaseth
them best, with their horses to carry their bastards and baggage after them: and when
they come into any countrey towne, they pittifully cousen the [Page] poore countrey girles, both of money, siluer and the best linnen onely in hope to
heare their good fortunes tould them.
Read of these in the first pagAfter a certaine time that these vp-start Lossels had got vnto a head; the two chiefe
Commaunders of both these regiments met at the Diuels-arse-a-peake, there to parle
and intreate of matters that might tend to the establishing of this their new found
gouernment: and first of all they thinke it fit to deuise a certaine kinde of language,Canting, when brought vp. to the end their cousenings, knaueries and villanies might not be so easily perceiued
and knowne, in places where they come: And this their language they spunne out of
thrée other tongues, viz. Latine, English, and Dutch: these thrée especially, nothwithstanding some few words
they borrowed of the Spanish and French. They also gaue names to such persons of their
company according to the kind of life that he vndertooke: as for example, A common
begger or rogue, they termed a Clapper-dudgeon, one that counterfeited the falling
sicknes, they termed him a counterfeit Cranke, for Cranke in their language is the
falling sickenesse, and so Counterfeit Cranke is the false falling sickenesse: and
so of the rest.
This Cocke Lorrell continued among them longer then any of his predecessours before him, or after him:
for he ruled almost two and twentie yeares, vntil the yeare An. Dom. 1533. and about the sixe and twenty yeare of K. Henry the eight.
1 He made among other,Orders. these Statutes among them, that whosoeuer he be, that being borne and bred vp in
the trade of maunding, nipping and foisting for the space of tenne years, and hath
not the right dexterity in his fingers to picke a pocket, but is faine to cloy his
fellowes, and cowarly to demand scrappage; such a one is to be knowne and brought
hither to be fined for his [Page] faint-heartednesse: and it such a one after venter and be taken vpon the first fault,
let him know, that he is going the high way to perdition without pitty, as a iust
punishment for his folly, that he betooke himselfe so soone to the occupation.
2. Item, We thinke it méet that none eate meat, as Pigges, Capons, Géese or such like, vnlesse
he purchase it by priuie pilfery and cleanely conueyance, neither shal they be merry
in euery Bowsing Ken or Alehouse as they list, but in some odde out-house remote from
dwellers: a Stawling ken that is knowne of purpose to be trusty, yea and that in
the night too, least they be notified and suspected, to the scandalizing of the profession:
neither shall they be merry out of measure, least by their extraordinary noyses, the
Constable and Watch men take them, and so carry them to ward, as a iust punishment
for their presumptuous and vnordinate procéedings: for which some of late daies haue
wofully felt the smart.
Captaine Giles Hather first beganne in Anno Domini one thousand fiue hundred twenty and eight: concerning whom, there is nothing made
mention of, but of his cousonage and deceit, for these kinde of people liued more
quietly and out of harme in respect of the other sort, making themselues as strangers,
and would neuer put forth themselues in any tumult or Commotion, as the other sort
did: but what vice they exercised not one way, they were not inferiour to them in
the like, or rather worse another way; so that what betwéene them both, they were
two pestiferous members in a Common-wealth: but I will leaue them both, and pray
for a prosperous winde to bring my Barke to the wished port of her desire, which is
to be fauoured and well liked of in your sight: which if good fortune fauour me so
much, I shall be bouldened once more to play the Merchant venturer: [Page] at whose second arriuall I will present you with things more strange, not farre fetcht
but déerely bought, and wherein, if license may be permitted, I will procéed and set
downe the successours from Cocke Lorrell vntill this present day, and who at this day beares the greatest sway amongst them.
FINIS.