A VINDICATION OF THE RUMP: OR, THE RUMP RE-ADVANC'D.
To the Tune of,
Ʋp tails all.
FUll many a Ballad hath been penn'd,
and scoffing Poem Writ
Against the
RƲMP, but I intend
to speak in praise of it.
Come
Jove and
Apollo, come
Venus and
Mars,
And lend your assistance: to speak of the
A—
will require a Prodigious wit.
There's scarce a Lady to be found
that loves either Pear or Plum
One halfe so well, if she be sound,
as tabering at her B—.
It may be, you'l say, I'm wide of the Case,
Since that Musick's made in a distant place:
I answer, the bredth of your Thum.
When Alderman
Atkins did bemar
his Hose, through a Panick fear,
And Captain
Rea, that Man of War,
Oh! what a Hogo was there?
If you ask me, what praise is in this? at a word,
The Captain so fenced himself by a T—
that his enemies could not come near.
There is not a Lawyer in Countrey or Town,
whose Rhetorick doth prevail,
Although he hath purchas'd Fee-simple Gown, th'
but loves to be dealing in tail;
And I may well swear by
Apollo or
Mars,
That at a place called, the
Oven's Arse,
oft times I have drunken good Ale.
And when you are dallying with a young Maid
would you not her buttocks bethump?
And I have been often well apaid
with a Goose both fat and plump:
The body being eaten, we strive for the tail,
Each man with his Kan'kin of nappy brown Ale,
doth box it about for the
RƲMP.
The
RƲMP of a Coney I often have seen
most piteously claw'd by a Ferret,
And a Capon's
Rump is a bit for a Queen,
although she's a person of merit.
In preaching & praying who spends the whole day,
At nights keeps a
Rump wherewithall for to play,
be he never so full of the spirit.
I wonder who first call'd the Parliament
RƲMP,
some say, that it was
Jack Hobby,
And some, fiery
Pryn: good wits will jump;
now I write not this to bob ye,
But only to tel ye, that good Mr.
Pryn,
For all that he's cropt, yet he could not get in,
but was fain to remain in the
Lobby.
The other day I was going in haste,
(to think on't, it grieves my heart)
I saw a poor fellow all nak'd to the waste,
and whipt at the Arse of a Cart:
His
Rump ('tis true) suffer'd the rout. But I would
Fain know who it was, that durst be so bold,
as to call Mr. Speaker Sir F—
He might as well have stiled him
Anus,
since he was the mouth of the
RƲMP,
As cunning a Fox as
Rome's Sejanus:
but I do not love for to frump;
Or else I could tell ye, my friends, to an Ace,
What good can accrew to the Land by a Mace,
as long as the Knave's the great'st Trump.
Our zealous sticklers for Reformation
will edifie on the
Rump of a Sister,
And it will never grow out of fashion
to physick the tail with a Glister.
But beware that
Monk doth not come with a bitter
Purge to our
Rump, which wil make her beshit her,
for she hath already bepist her.
Rumpatur.
London, Printed for Rosicleer Arsewind, the RƲMP's Leather-Seller.