UPon the First of June 1673, having taken leave of my Friends, and recei­ved a Message, a little tiny Er­rend to be uttered by word of mouth, together with a Letter to [...]e deliver'd into the hands of one of the most Reverend Taphies, [...] began to have some thoughts [...]f rigging my self out for mine [...]tended Voyage; and to that and I spatterdash't my Legs with [...] pair of Cuckolds boots, and ei­ther adorn'd or furnish't my hand [Page 2]with battooning Cudgel, and ha­ving entertain'd in my Retinue whole Distick of Spannels.

Upon the Fourth of June, turn'd one side upon London, an [...] the other toward Wales; the Coun­try which was to be the Perio [...] and Term of my Journey. W [...] travelled all that day with much pleasure, being treated as w [...] went, with the Delicacies of Na­ture: the Air was kind and sof [...] the Fields were trim and neat; [...] Sun benign and cherishing; [...] whole Creation was obliging, and from every thing we met, w [...] receiv'd a Civility; so that th [...] first day pass'd over with mu [...] satisfaction. I do not remembe [...] that we saw any thing remarkable unless 'twas a Fellow driving [...] tyr'd Cow, whose slow motion [...] now and then quickn'd by wri [...] ­ing the Pendulum of her Tail a [...] (as it were) curling it into a scre [...] [Page 3]he twisted her forward, and bor'd the Air with this Living Augre; Me-thoughts a very pretty trick to make a wimble of his Beast, and a handsome way to insinuate her along, and to improve her pace. 'Twas far beyond the court­ship of a wisp of hay, in regard Fear urges more than Flattery can allure, and all Creatures are more ready to ease their Backs, than to fill their Bellies; O how Scorpions pretty crabbedly apply'd will make a thing caper, and increase his Career far beyond the temptation of Cake and Marmalade! and a Cat of Nine-Tails will drive bet­ter than a dish of Sweet meats can invite and draw. This was the Method the Bumpkin us'd to ad­vance the progressive Motion of the Animal; which indeed is far different from the Custom and Practice of the Croatians; For whereas this man made his Beast [Page 4]proceed by thrusting at one en [...] the Tail; They make their ty [...] Jades jog on by putting at th [...] other, the Fore-top. We bega [...] to subscribe to Cartesius's opinio [...] that Animals were Engins; F [...] 'tis like, the Clock-work of th [...] Cow was somewhat disorder' [...] and the Machine (like a Jack [...] was run down and stood still, [...] this Artist wound it up, and [...] the movements a going.

Being indifferently refresht [...] the vertue of that Passage, [...] went forward very couragiou [...] and after a little time were p [...] ­sented with the prospect of an­ther Scene, which was laid in Meddow by a River-side, wh [...] we overtook a Rat-catcher and Fisherman disputing Preceden [...] and the Preheminency of th [...] Professions: The Rat-catcher [...] gu'd that his Calling was most w [...] ­thy, in regard the object of [...] [Page 5]Art was a vocal Creature, whereas that of the Fisherman's was dumb and silent; besides Rats are edu­cated in Courts and Palaces, are more choicely bred, and have a more delicate diet, than Fish, to seed on; Plentiful Reversions of Rost and Boyl'd, luxurious frag­ments, and the magnificent ruines of Pudding and Pasty are their common dishes; only sometimes they pop on a piece of Bread and Butter not of so wholsome a re­lish, that is, a little Arsenick spread for 'um on the trencher of a Chip, these are the Viands of this do­mestick Vermin; whereas Worms and Flies, and vile Insects, and perhaps a hook to boot, are the best Fare that is eaten by Fishes. The Fisherman reply'd, that Fish themselves were food for men, but it was never known that Rats were in season, unless in the extremity of a Siege or Famine.

We left these Fellows very [...] in controversy, which could [...] be decided, and pass'd on, till [...] length we arrived to a little kno [...] or Asterism of houses standing, [...] rather lying on the Crump of a Hi [...] ­rais'd somewhat proudly above [...] ordinary level; and methough [...] look [...] down with somewhat [...] Disdain upon the Humble V [...] ­lies. Who was the Founder [...] this Hamlet is not certainly know [...] but we perceiv'd the Thacker h [...] been a great Benefactor. As [...] the Nativity of the Place, [...] Foundation was laid under an [...] fortunate Configuration of the H [...] ­vens: so that the Tinkers and Ca [...] ­lers, and the dregs of manki [...] that dwelt there; expected [...] Prosperity, nor hop'd to be [...] vanc'd and sublimated into [...] Flower of the People. The ma [...] stress of Government lay upon [...] shoulder of a single man, who wa [...] [Page 7] [...]ear-ward by Office, and being [...]e most substantial Person was [...]hought fit to be invested with [...]e sole Authority of the Town­ [...]p; A most proper Magistrate [...] such wild Savages! We ob­ [...]rv'd that this Village had as ma­ [...]y ways into it, as it had ways [...] of it, which were equal in [...]mber to the Points of the Com­ [...]ss. The purling Brook that [...]wl'd by it, the reeking Dung­ [...]ll that breath'd within it, the [...]ook-back'd Elm that stands cring­ [...]g near it, and the Pack- saddle [...]eeple that stood squinting over [...] made a pretty Draught of an and some Landskip.

The Inhabitants of this place [...]ere much addicted to the vice of [...]ealing; every thing sticks to [...]eir Pitchy Fingers, and they [...]ave such an attractive vertue, that, [...]herever they come, all things [...]ot after the Magnetism of their [Page 8]Persons. A Fellow squotting [...] ­on a criket in a room we w [...] in, and rising up from his se [...] the stool on a sudden (as if ta [...] to his A—) immediately mar [...] after him, to the great amazem [...] of the woman of the house, w [...] did not suspect that his Bum [...] hands, or that her Stool so n [...] ­bly could have us'd its legs. A [...] ­ther espying a Cylinder of B [...] pudding pretty thick in the [...] lolling upon the table, whilst [...] Hostess turn'd her back, in [...] very twinkling of her head, pocu [...] it into Fob, and so shrow [...] its Dimensions into a sec [...] Bag.

The approaching night and [...] wearied limbs compell'd us [...] lodge among these Teneme [...] Having almost worn out our se [...] by tedious Travel, we resol [...] here to repair our breeches: [...] (alas!) this mending (I allud [...] [Page 9] Taylourism) was little better than meer Botching. For, whereas we thought to have renew'd nature, and to have recreated our Pa­lates with the pleasant whole­someness of Rural Delicacies, we could scarce so much as even patch her up with the hurden Accomo­dations of a red-lattic'd Inn; The foretop of a Carrot, and a few parcht Pease were our choicest Provender, which fill'd our ca­vities so full of wind, that we thought we had got the Four Quarters in our Bellys, which made such Squibs of our Breeches, that (like the fifth of November) we were continually discharging of Rockets and Crackers.

The next day dress'd with Au­rora, nay before she had put on her Indian gown, we set out with the Sun, who bearing us company but a little while withdrew into an apartment behind a cloud, at [Page 10]whose absence the Heavens frown­ing and contracting their brows, did presently fall a crying and wept such plentiful showers of tears, that they moistn'd our skin [...] with the Deluge of their Grief. But that which terrify'd us most of all, was water which we saw of seve­ral colours, sometimes red, and sometimes black; which put us in mind of those Prodigious Rains the Philosophers speak of, Blood and Ink; But overtaking a Col­lier and Red-Oker man, we per­ceiv'd 'twas the Distillations of their Buggets. But that which gave wings to time, and made it fly merrily while we were in the company of these Vagrants, were the frequent Quarrels that were broacht between them, which at length were improv'd into severe Buffetings. The Object of both their Occupations lyes hid in the Earth, and they work like Moles, [Page 11]whose Employ is underground, and (like a certain Fish) they take their colour from the place they converse in. The Collier thumpt with tincturing-fist the Red-man, black; and the Red man dy'd with Vermilion- blow the Black­man, red; so that we never saw before such a party colour'd Cour­bat, such a Fool's-coa [...]ed conflict [...], wherein thelst out Champions were so mutually disguis'd, that they seem'd to be Amphituo'd, and to be wholly transform'd into each others Person.

After another days Travel in Dust and Sun, we saluted a good handsome Town, not a little re­sembling in crookedness a middle­siz'd shooing horn; At the entrance into it, the uncarpetness (as I may say) of the Floor, or (in other words) the unevenness of the streets somewhat dislocating the position of our almost tript up [Page 12]feet, had like to have demolish us, and to have thrown us dow [...] backward, but to prevent the S [...] ­lœcism of kissing the place at wron [...] end, we recovered our fall, an [...] went bolt upright into the nave [...] of the Coporation, where the [...] was such an Assembly of Provisio [...] as represented a market, whic [...] was unhappily disturb'd by an u [...] ­fortunate accident; For a certai [...] Bull of an uncertain man havin [...] mistaken his box, and taken peppe [...] in the nose instead of Snush, a [...] being enrag'd and heated by th [...] vertue of the Spice, took a ris [...] about the Cross, and emptied b [...] his Ramble all Stalls and Panniers so that this Brisk Customer made [...] scrambling kind of Dinner for th [...] whole Country; who was ridi [...] upon one anothers backs for V [...] ­ands and Booty, and was tu [...] ­bling among the ruins of Bake [...] Victuallers, and Costermonge [...] [Page 13]We were inform'd that this Town was much infested with the un­welcome Visitants, Rats and Mice; insomuch that the Inhabitants have a Rat-catcher at a certain Pension, as the only Talis-man against such noxious Vermin.

Having left this Town behind us, we come to a Wood on our left hand, nigh unto which was a discontented Fountain murmuring as it run (we did not enquire a what) and bubling forth seemingly much Dissatisfaction. This wood was a promiscuous Rabble of all vege­ [...]ables. A throng of trees of all ranks and qualities; we refresht ourselves a little under this natural Arbour, and being prety and cheerful in this circumstance of Place; one of our Caravan began to express his joy in some notes of Musick, who as soon as he began to strike up with his Pite (thinking he had but one) he presently preceiv'd it to be [Page 14]multiply'd into an Organ, and wonder'd (with the Bumpkin that pull'd at the Bellows) that he had so much Harmony in him▪ For you must know hereabout [...] dwelt a thing called an Eceho, who as soon as she heard but Sol, Fa [...] whipt! she improv'd the melody into a noise and consort: and pre­sently increas'd those single note into the whole Gamut; and mos [...] neately play'd the wag with th [...] tail of his voice! being a ver [...] pretty Songster, that sings well b [...] th' Ear. But while Lug was so lac'd with the tatling Reverbera­tion of voice, our eyes were ra­visht with a most delicate Pro­spect; For here was a most plea­sant champion piece of ground which extending and roaming [...] self some Furlongs in length, w [...] furnisht with all the Excellen [...] that ever commended the mo [...] transporting Elisium; the Air w [...] [Page 15] lullaby'd as still and quiet as Dor­mant Infant; the Day was Ori­ent, bright and clear; the Earth (like a Forester) was clad in green. The Figure of this Field was a Parallellogrammum, the Style was situate South-East-by North, and consisted of a climax of three rails, over which we convey'd our selves by Elevation of Leg; near the entrance into the Mea­dow, we observ'd an hole or case­ment in the hedge, which we per­ceiv'd the Hogs had oftentimes threded; but the Hedger had glaz'd it with a pane of Furze.

Having ambled over some Fur­longs on this (as it were) New-Market Heath, we perceiv'd it to degenerate and to grow worse and worse, and (like an handsome neck of Mutton) to determine in the unevenness of a Rock, or Scrag. A little while after we winded a Cordwainer, who (as he [Page 16]told us) was newly recover'd from a sad mischance; For walking care­lessly, one day he happen'd to have a fall, and to squot his Breech upon an Hedg-hog, which he carry'd away as cleverly, (it clinging to his Buttocks) as if he had sate up­on a ball of his wax; whether there is a simpathy between a Shooma­kers tail, and the skin of an Ʋr­chin, or whether the bristles of the Creature entred the pores of his Backside, we list not to decide that controversie now; but how­ever the mortal complain'd that it was an uneasy cushion, and that that Spinny of Awls had made a cullender of his A—: But being not much concern'd at the cerebro­sity of his seivy Bum; The Ilet­holes whereof being not very deep, we went together, till we arriv'd to the roughness of the foremen­tioned Downs, which did some­what decline into an uneven Prae­cipice, [Page 17]whose craggy stairs as soon as we had descended, we stumbled upon an House, or a Dung­hill modell'd into the shape of a Cottage, whose outward surface was so all to-be-negro'd with such swarthy plaister, that it ap­pear'd not unlike a great blot of Cow-turd: This Structure stradled [...]ver about eight Ells of ground, [...]bove the surface whereof the [...]ves were advanc'd about two [...]ards, and the Chimney peep'd [...]ut about a Foot above the Eves; [...]he light flow'd in through the old [...]ircumference of a bottomless Peck; which being stuck in the Thatch, [...]upply'd the place of an Orbicular Casement. The Door-way was a [...]reach in the wall toward one end, which being of a dwarfish size, i. e. [...]wo Foot lower in stature than an ordinary Man, we were forc'd to a­ [...]ridge our Dimensions, and to [Page 18]creep in. The Parlour, H [...] Kitchin, i. e. one Room wich was prettily adorn'd with the P [...] ­try of Ballads; a crippled Pip [...] with a broken shin, near ally'd a Dish of the same matter; a vo [...] Spoon with a Whistle at the en [...] and a Tipsy Cradle reeling in t [...] corner, (methoughts) were a pr [...]ty sort of Goods, and not unhan­some Furniture. A whole Lit [...] of Children was strew'd upon t [...] Floor; only one Mopp-headed B [...] was Tripos'd on a Cricket, a [...] blew the Fire; The carv'd Ma [...]tle-tree seem'd to be defended [...] a little wooden Fellow furiou [...] strutting in an Oaken Cloak; a [...] we perceiv'd the Window was [...] ­dors'd with the Picture of a [...] We observ'd that the Bulkie C [...]board was a Nusance to the wh [...] Family of Houshold-stuff, wh [...] it had mightily disoblig'd by [...] [Page 19]trenching on their Liberties, they grutching it so much room; and indeed the Table, Bed, and other Utensils have not suffer'd a little detriment by its injurious Contigui­ty. We had a Prospect of whole Territories about this Building, which though not large, yet were exceedingly well fortify'd; a lit­tle Hedge being a Pallizado on one side, and a narrow Trench in­stead of a Bulwark on the other: The Continuity of the Mound was violated by a Notch in the corner to set a Stile in; over which when we had passed, we espy'd a Bank like a little Hybla, cap'd with a Hive of Bees, which this small Eden curi­ously carv'd, and (as it were) Quincunx'd into a Knot, did feast with the moisture of its delicious Flowers. Leaving the Phylacteries of this Yard, we met the Good-Housewife of this little Tenement [Page 20]with her Tippet bristling, [...] Mouth mumping, and her Han [...] knitting; she had a Cade Lamb her Rere, attending upon her, a [...] a Kitten in the Van, conducting [...] home.

We follow'd our Noses fro [...] hence, and were directed by [...] Clue of a long Hedge; which af [...] a great extent in length, we fou [...] to be Tagg'd with a rough La [...] turning from which a little towa [...] the right, we overtook a Chur [...] standing (like an Ace) and m [...]ping by it self, at some distan [...] from the Town; which wheth [...] it run from the Parish, or the P [...] ­rish from it, we are not as yet i [...] ­form'd; though we have most re [...] ­son to suspect the latter; in rega [...] as to outward appearance t [...] weak Constitution of the Fabric seem'd not much to be addicted run. It seem'd to be very cra [...] [Page 21] [...]nd had a mussler of Ivy, which we presume were instead of [...]rutches; For whereas that feeble Vegetable is usually upheld by the walls it clings to, we believe it was a Buttresse here to support the Walls. But having sadden'd our Aspect with the melancholy looks of this desolate Temple, we took our leave of it, and shot directly [...]own a Balk upon that prophane Town to which it seem'd to stand related. At our first salutation whereof, we chanc'd to pop into a dapper Ale-house, mightily stufft with a huge Hostesse, whose moi­sture distilling through the Pores of her Body, and being somewhat turn'd through excessive heat, struck our olfactive Nerves with so great a sowrness, that we had quite been overcome with this Vessel of Vineger, had she not too much jog'd her self by an unhappy [Page 22]fall, and spilt a great quantity o [...] her unctuous Liquor.

The Shoomaker conjectur'd tha [...] she had lost about five or six pound (aver-du-pois) from her Rere be­hind, and presently concluded tha [...] she was in great danger of hanging all a-one-side, unless some charita­ble Person should poize her with thrust of assisting Nose. We had scarce prim'd our Pipes, but in comes a Law-jobber, accompanied with the Bum-brusher, or School­master of the place, who after some time, took occasion to shew their skill and breeding at Fifty-cuffs, but (thanks to the Stars) without any danger to their Pro­fessions; For they did not so much aim at the head, as level their fury at each others heels, where their knowledge was suppos'd not to lye, though some hold that they have as much Learning at one end [Page 23]as they have at t'other. The most remarkable thing in this Village was a Carrot-pate house at the Po­steriours of the Town; it was co­ver'd with Tile, and was curiously contriv'd after the Italian Models. The Master that did animate, or the [...] of this Stone-carcass (they told us) was lately dead: His Distemper was a Quarrel be­tween his Belly and his Back; the one being bursten took pet and run away from the other, so that the poor Man being at a loss for a place to put his Victuals in, dy'd with a conceit.

S. Crispin's Disciple having a Mistress in this Lordship, and be­ing almost within the Atmosphere of her presence, began to wind her, and had a great tendency to the place where she was; so that I might as soon expect that a stone should fall beyond the center, as [Page 24]that this Gentle-crafts-man shou [...] budge further; wherefore nothi [...] was expected now but an imme [...] ­ate Divorce from each others co [...] ­pany; but before we parted, [...] oblig'd me with the Prospect bo [...] of her Person and Fortune. [...] for the first, as soon as I saw it, [...] had greater reason to congratula [...] my Eye-sight than I had before for she was blest with a most ravis [...] ­ing Aspect, and a snug Face, mo [...] prodigiously grac'd with a dain [...] fine Nose, fasten'd in its middle which is not like some Snouts tha [...] look more upon one Cheek, tha [...] they do upon the other, but shew [...] equal respect to both, not at al [...] disobliging the right by fleering to [...] much on the left. And then fo [...] her Eyes, they are excellent a [...] twireing, and will be sure to kee [...] her Nose safe, (I'le warrant you [...] for one looks one way, and the other [Page 25] another. The Woman had a Mouth too, which was somewhat bigger than that of a Musket, though not twice as big as the ca­pacious bore of a Blew Noggin. This Mouth she put but to one use, and that's the same that we put ours to, that is to eat three or four Meals in a day; for it seems where­as other Women often use theirs in prating and twatling, we perceiv'd that this sav'd her Mouth and spake through her Nose. As we have given you the Picture of her Per­son, so now let's present you with a Landskip of her Fortune. As for her Lands, that is, Pasture-ground, and Meadow, we could not discern, but that (like a spot upon the Globe) they took but little room upon the surface of the Earth, and (like the Possessions of Alcibiades) were but a little speck to the World. A little Muck [Page 26]would dung her Fallow; one hig [...] Table T— (to speak in the Ox­ford Dialect) will much enrich it and an Ear of Corn will go near to sow it; 'tis like she hath Grass e­nough for a couple of Rabbets Having survey'd the Paramour and the Portion of this Nivelling Cobler, after a single sip of fixe [...] out of a Tin Pot, and a Trebl [...] go-down out of a cup of Doubl [...] after a right-line scrape with lef [...] Leg; and uncouth doffing of [...] bad Bonnet, after slinking a Complement by way of thanks for hi [...] Society, attended by his Cobler­hood to the confines of a Yard, a [...] the clasping together of two lowring Gates in the presence of a Corpulent and Burly Elme, I solemnl [...] took leave of my Fellow-Trave [...] ler. After his departure I wa [...] forc'd to beguile away the time [...] the shady solitude of silent thought [Page 27]which before I spent in the brisker Entertainments of Discourse and Dialogue: I had not long busy'd my faculties with inward specula­tions, but I met with variety of Objects courting with their Flatte­ries my almost distracted Contem­plations. I saw Three Stones so artificially set, that they represent­ed the Figure of a convenient Stile. Methoughts the Archite­cture of it was very curious; for one stone about a Foot square, be­ing plac'd perpendiculary upright, its Northern Extremity was cross'd by another at right Angles; on the other side whereof was ere­cted another perpendicular corre­spondent to the former. The Po­sition of these Materials made a pretty Fabrick, over which a Man might commodiously pass; its sur­face was smooth, not tufted with snags, which are always catching [Page 28]and snarling at your Cloaths, [...] the great Disguize and Damage [...] your Breeches; about two yard [...] distant there was a Cross delv'd i [...] the Earth, which seem'd either a [...] Argument of Popish Superstition or a Sign or Mark of the Paris [...] Selvidge.

Departing from hence, w [...] mov'd through a Close very pop [...] lous with Mutton; there being (as it were) a whole Academy [...] Sheep sizeing on a Hay-rick, no [...] botled out into Commons, bu [...] Geometrically carv'd into goo [...] Sexangular Luncheons. 'Twa [...] Foot-cloath'd (as it were) wit [...] Straw near five yards about, upo [...] which were tumbling a Bag-piper [...] and an Hocus, who wanton'd s [...] long till (like Dogs) at last thei [...] Play determin'd in a sharp conflic [...] The Man of Musick buffeted th [...] Jugler to some tune, who addin [...] [Page 29]two or three howls to the Notes of his Drone-pipe, by cleanly con­veyance did vanish from him. The Piper appear'd of a tawny Com­plexion, his Nose bending with an Arch upward; his Eyes being somewhat hollow, seem'd to in­crease the promontory of his jetting Forehead. In a word, there was charm enough in his Aspect; He was well built, his whole Frame and contexture was sweet and regu­lar; I must needs say, I have sel­dom met with any handsomer Mo­del, or Platform of a Man. But though his Person was neat and uniform, yet his habit and garb was full of deformity, and there were as many Soloecisms and Incohoeren­cies on these, as there was Congrui­ [...]ies and Beauty commendable in that. He wore a Mis [...]ellany of Apparel, a Gallimafry of Cloaths, as I humbly conceive, 'twas a Tyth [Page 30]Suit, compos'd of various and s [...] veral sorts; such a Club of Ragg [...] and Randesvouz of Fragments must needs be a Collection (lik [...] the Jerkin of the Jay) of sever [...] Feathers from divers Birds. H [...] Doublet (which indeed was b [...] one great Patch in Folio) was v [...] ry heterogeneous from the rest [...] his Attire; he had worn his La [...] pets into perfect Fringe, (so th [...] he seem'd to be surrounded wi [...] the remnant of a Curtain) a [...] had thin'd his Elbows into the first Principles. 'Twas of a Mou [...] colour hue, and (as near as could guess) it appear'd to be t [...] Result of an old Cloak; both [...] first Crop and Latter-Math too we [...] both worn off; and it was [...] Thread-bare, that it had alm [...] founder'd three or four of his [...] Lice; wherefore we advis'd [...] to hang it no longer on a Kna [...] [Page 31]back, but to condemn it to the Housewifery of a Shooe-clout. The Relicks that were left of his tatter'd Breeches were one Story pendulous below his Coat. His Instrument (like a Gizzard) was tuck'd under his arm, which by shog of Elbow, he did hug into harmony, and squeeze out of its Womb most ravishing Ditties. We made but few Remarks on the Person of the Jugler, only we thought it appear'd to be some­what sleathy; his Noddle was shrowded under the Patronage of a collop'd Hat, whose indented Margin being somewhat frail, de­clin'd from the equality of an Ho­rizontal Position, and flapping in­ward on both sides, and hugging his Ears, forc'd the poor Man to look as it were through a Spout. He had a bunch of Ribbond in his hand, which possibly might be [Page 32]the effect of his last Vomit; fo [...] we suppose having had a surfeit o [...] Silk-worms, and a Loom in hi [...] Throat, he can disgorge more at [...] cast, than an ordinary Weave [...] can work in a weeks time. Hi [...] little pointing-stick and Tin Dishes with other Implements of his Art made an horrible noise and com­b [...]stion in his Pocket, even to th [...] terrour and amazement of an Hum­ble Bee, who was rioting on the Luxuries, and was wantonly bask­ing on the Sunny Terrace of a mag­nificent Thistle. Nay, the jing­ling of his Tackle did alarm an Ar­my of Wasps and Hornets, which lay encamp'd hard by under th [...] roof of a shady Furz bush; These made such an on-set on Hocus with their Lansprizades, that making a Pin-cushion of his Body, they stuck it so full of Needles, that the Pun­gency of their Weapons, and Ar­tillery [Page 33]piercing to the quick, made [...]he poor fellow curvete and ele­vate himself nimbly into two or [...]hree dancing Capreolls. He car­ [...]y'd on his back as thick a Quick­ [...]et of Stings as a Hog of Bristles. He was swell'd to a treble propor­ [...]ion beyond what he was; his Hands were grown too big for his Pockets, and could have no re­ [...]eption into those narrow Closets. [...]he circumference of his head was [...]ugely increas'd beyond the Dia­ [...]eter of his Hat; so that the Con­ [...]exity of the former could not be [...]ontain'd within the Concavity of [...]he latter. In a word, being magni­ [...]y'd beyond the fallacy of the best [...]lass, his Cloaths were too little [...]or his enlarg'd Dimensions; so [...]hat he burst through the confines [...]f his scanty case. Means pre­ [...]ently was us'd for the levelling of [...]his Mountainous Vagrant, and [Page 34]Hide-swoln; He was immedia [...] ­ly plung'd into a Bath of Hone [...] which though a present cure [...] his Disease and Malady, yet w [...] as great a cause of an inconveni­ence as bad; For a certain Be [...] not far off got his Medicine in th [...] wind, and came galloping for [...] lick of her admir'd Dainties; whi [...] when the Jugler perceiv'd, havi [...] lost through fear the retentive F [...] ­culty, he adulterated her Dish [...] a mixture of somewhat that w [...] of the same colour, though not [...] sweet. The Jugler hooft it aw [...] with a winged speed; the Be [...] with a pair up and a pair dow [...] most swiftly pursu'd him. W [...] ­staid not to see the Issue of t [...] Race, but advanc'd forward in regular progressive motion, wh [...] after a little time were cross'd [...] a Rivulet, which wrigled alo [...] with a crooked current; ow [...] [Page 35]which we convey'd our selves by saltation. On the other side of the Bank was a little Arabia of Sand, enough (I suppose) to sup­ply all the Hour-glasses in the Country, nay perhaps and that of Time too till the last minute; near this Mountain of Sand lay pro­strate at length two Iron Wedges contiguous to a Block in Folio, which we suppos'd was to be rent into collops, and to become a Sa­crifice to hungry Vulcan. There was a numerous Family of chips about it, which were different in shape, colour, and bigness, so that they seem'd not to be the off­spring of the same Parent; they lay in a Chaos without any order, amidst which confusion the un­lucky Gibeonite that hew'd them lost the head of his Ax: The De­collation whereof seem'd ominous to the Man, and made him super­stitiously [Page 36]leave his work: My [...] and a couple of Gadarens th [...] were driving Swine, made a di [...] ­gent scrutiny for the Noddle [...] the Tool; which after some ti [...] we perceiv'd to lie entomb'd und the Mausoleum of a good lus [...] shaving. We did not percei [...] that it was much damnify'd by [...] retirement, only the dampness [...] its Ʋrn did somewhat abate a [...] obscure the eagerness of its edg [...] and the Lustre of its Aspect. [...] deliver'd it into the hands of [...] Owner, who presently fasten'd [...] to the shoulders to which it [...] belong.

After a small offering of tha [...] for our careful search, the Swi [...] herds turn'd to the left, and [...] wheeling to the right, after [...] had jog'd over some few Acre [...] a phlegmatick and cold constit [...] ­on, most happily pop'd on [...] [Page 37] warmer Turf of a pleasant Corn­field. 'Twas fring'd about with a Mound of Elder-trees, whose am­ [...]itious height, and luxurient Bran­ [...]hes gave impregnable security to [...]he nestling Birds. The Diameter [...]f a Path run through the midst, whose Poles were transverse or [...]hwarted the hinges of the World. 'Twas environ'd on both sides with [...] Sea of Corn, which being mov'd [...]y the breath of Aeolus, (that Bellows of the World) what a Flux and Re-flux was there of [...]aves of Wheat! We pass'd through this Territory and Domi­nion of Ceres with the most exalt­ [...]d delight. How did that Goddess [...] in Triumph there! What crowds of Clients bowing their ears to her Commands and Dictates? Every [...]and was parted with the Isthmus of a Balk, on several of which [...]y the Habiliments of the Har­vesters; [Page 38]An extended sleeve of a Red Wast-coat, embracing the collar of a Leathern Jump, and touching the hem of a grafted Petticoat, presented us with the Idea of a pretty Ward-Robe. We went out of this Inclosure through the western passage of a three­raild Gate: Upon which there did directly shoot the aged Frag­ments of a decrepit wall; which over-topping our stature in height and tallness, we were forc'd to add to our quantity a Nine-inch­stone, that raising our Dimensions we might peep over it. There was scarce any thing remarkable on the other side, unless a vast Rolling-pin of humane ordure. 'Twas four Inches Diameter, and probably discharg'd from a Mus­ket bore, and that near upon the confines of a tuft of Wormwood, whose bitter scent mixt with the [Page 39]unsavouryness of Excrementitious Atoms breath'd a medly kind of stink, and gave but ordinary en­tertainment to our offended No­strils. Among the Ruines of this Mound we discover'd the Snout and some other Limbs of a mur­der'd Dial; It was not so defac'd, but that we could discover in its Physiognomy some martyr'd Figures, that were yet legible, and there were some Relicks of Lines, that were not quite obliterated. Time I presume (being vext perhaps that it should observe its motions) hath set its Grinders in it, and out of envy and malice hath quite de­vour'd it. I am apt to think that this pile of Stones stood in its Na­tive Country, where 'twas first bred, as may be conjectur'd from an adjacent Pillar, whose preg­nancy (we fancy) produc'd this litter of Stones, it being the Mo­ther [Page 40]of these rockie Babes. We advanc'd to the Orifice of this La­pideous Womb, where were hewing Mortals, by cruel Midwifery dig­ging out the Offspring of teeming Earth. 'Twas an unpolish'd specta­cle, and the Workmen were a [...] rough and uneven as the Prospect▪ and the Artificers were as intra­ctable and stubborn as the Mate­rials, or Object of their Art. Two of the most Brawny Paviers stood lolling by the Mattock that pickt them out, and a single one in a decumbent posture lay prostrate at their feet, whose Northern Ex­tremity perform'd the Office of a Pedestal to the Embryo of a Sta­tue, which was but newly hatcht, and fashion'd in a bed of Sand▪ The Declivity of a corner near the entrance into th' Pit gave occasion to the water to stagnate into [...] Puddle; through which we did [Page 41]not sail, though the trajection was very short, but fetching a circuit about its shore, we went out at the passage through which we enter'd. But no sooner had we convey'd our selves out of this hole, but after we had trac'd o're some few Furlongs of a grassy Pavement, a certain Moity of our Bodies pop'd into another, and a few steps after some of our feet happen'd into a third; and a lit­tle while after, falling down, our hands were buried in two more. We wonder'd who had punch'd so many Eyelet-holes in the Earth's skin, till seeing a Robin Run-a-hole sit mumping (like a Troglodite) in his house under ground, we per­ceiv'd the Inclosure we were in, was a well peopled Warren: We had a frisk or two after the Inha­bitants of the place; but their Heels prevented our design on [Page 42]their Scuts, for the nimbleness of the one secur'd them from imposi­tion of Salt on the other. The Sanctuary of their Burrows de­fended them from the violence of all Persecutions. Their Cells were contiguous, nay in some place they had broken down the Parti­tions, and by a frequent Burglary did invade the privacy of each o­thers apartments. The Dragon that kept this Garden of Coneys was a Zamzummin in stature, a se­cond Goliah, whose hand was Quarterstafft with a mighty Bea [...]. They told us of an Hercules or two that came to encounter this Keeper, who ('tis said) did so out-club the Yermin, that instead of an Auger hole, he made them earth themselves in the Asylum of a Coney-hole. The Burrow of the Keeper stood near the center of his Dominions, being the Metrop [...] ­litan [Page 43]Seat of that little Nation of Rabbets. The Architecture of the Fabrick was not contemptible, being stately in height, whose top was crown'd with the magnifi­cence of Turrets, whose vigilant loftiness had an eye to the security of the circumjacent Region: The biggest wonderment we beheld a­bout it, was, That its Head did not shoot so far upward into one Element, but its Feet sunk as low downward into another, it stand­ing knee-deep, nay almost up to the Wast in Earth, having as many Stories under ground as it had a­bove. Whether the Bucks or Does were the Pioneers that dug those Cellars, or whether the Architect design'd them on purpose to pre­vent the underminings of those notable Delvers, we are not so well able to determine. We e­spy'd in a corner a wooden Strata­gem [Page 44]or two, on purpose to entrap (we suppos'd) ensnaring Rey­nard, so that that living Gin, so fatal to Pullen, dy'd himself in a wile, and one Trap was trapan'd by another. 'Twas a well contriv'd Ambush, and pretty handsomely victual'd with a good lusty Tem­ptation, which so wrought upon Reynard, that he could not by any means resist its charms, though 'tis thought he was as wise a Fox as any in Aesop, whom we never met with, without a piece of Morality tackt to their Tails.

Having pass'd the Bounds of this Rabbet-Limbo, it was not long before we were embrac'd within the confines of a spot of ground like an Orchard; For the Ranges of Vegetables gave us a shrewd suspition that Pomona had had her residence in that place: Here Au­tumnus stood lolling under the [Page 45]pressure of a Burden, being scarce able to bear so many wreaths of Fruit. His Head was crown'd so, that it bow'd with Apples; so that shaking his ears as we pass'd through, he did so pelt us with a shower, that the unlading of his Noddle made fractures in our Pates, and rais'd Tumours in sinciput as big as Kentish Pippins. The place was pretty populous with Trees, the squadrons whereof seem'd to be well disciplin'd, standing in their Ranks, and as it were in Battle-array like a well order'd Army. Here were several degrees of Ve­getables in wonderful subordinati­on one under another from the Commonalty of Shrubs to the Ma­jesty of a Cedar. Here were In­ferior and Superior, and (as it were) Dignify'd Fruit-Trees; a­mong whom there stood a Pear-Tree, I suppose Lord Primate of [Page 46]the Hierarchy. In a South-west corner we espy'd a few vermicula­ting Hops, wrigling like worms up the Pyramid of a Pole; near which stood an Elm-Tree in the Arm [...] of Ivy, which hugg'd it so close that it was almost incorporated in to it by its clasping Embraces. The Posteriours of the Elm-Tree wen [...] most barbarously chastiz'd by the Prinkles of a Bramble, which the Breath of Aeolus would often mov [...] with smart Jerks. One of ou [...] company taking an occasion [...] pass by one of these unseen Brian they presently had their Talon [...] clawing upon his back, and fright­ed the Man as much as the Bush di [...] Demonsthenes, which catching his by the Coat, made him (suppo­sing it to be an Enemy) to cry ou [...] for Quarter: But the Fellow being cas'd in Leather, and the Buffu [...] of his Coat being Armor-pro [...] [Page 47]against the Bristles and (as it were) Hedghogism of their Prickles, they could not fasten their Fangs in his Garment, wherefore (thanks to his Stars) the Man had no hurt, but was bless'd with a great deli­verance. Toward the bottom of this Orchard lay prostrate the Trunk of a slain Myrtle, and that not far from the verge or shadow of a Cops of Beans, pretty tall in stature, and well branch'd; by the Coverlets we saw there should be Beds not far off, I suppose they were the Lodgings of Carrots, Tur­nips, and of other Roots. There were Cabbages grown to a com­mendable globosity, the roundness whereof tempted us to a Game at Foot-ball; we banded them about sufficiently, and made some of them caper over a Ten-foot wall. One of the Gamesters was his just in the mouth, the bore whereof [Page 48]being too little for the Bullet, could not receive it into its Orifice, but however it gelded and dampt its fury, so that it did not retort with violence to the injury and detriment of any body else. We had sweat longer at the Recreation and Olympick sport of Kick-Cab­bage, had not the Breath of Cloa­cina (her habitation being near) been so strong, and been a nusance unto us.

So that being stunk out of our Quarters, we turn'd our Quarters upon the stink, and travel'd over a Grate into a Church-yard: The Track of our path lay between the Mansion house of the Levite on the left hand, and the Church on the right; behind which towards the South there stood or lay (we cannot tell which) a weather-beaten Tomb, which was Mouse-eaten at one end by that Vermind [Page 49]Time, that nibbles all things: It seem'd to be an inverted Hog-Trough turn'd topsy-turvy with its muzzle downward; but whe­ther it was or not, or whether it was purposely erected as a Monu­ment to preserve the memory of those Ashes that lay under it, we cannot tell, tho we have some reason to suspect the Former, in regard there were so many Swine a digging about, who with the natural Spades of their noses, had almost made a Pit-hole for the Stone, and so had like to have bury'd one grave in another. Here was a whole Herd of Swine a rooting as if they had been turn'd in on purpose to root up Christi­ans, as they are in the Feilds in Italy to dig up Turffles. A little Wall lay sculking about this Territory of the Dead, which we suppos'd was plac'd [Page 50]there as a Bulwark to their Ashes but it prov'd but a feeble Fence against the intrusion of the Lambs who made frequent Capreolls in to this adjacent Dormitory: The mound was rais'd a little, and cap'd with Turf, and environ'd with the hollowness of a good handsome Ditch; but yet, neither Cap nor Ditch could keep these Animals from l [...]ap-frogging over them, from grazing in a Charnel house, and from turning a Coe­mitery of Shades and Ghosts in to a Feeding Pasture of hungry Beasts.

We mounted this wall, an [...] mov'd on towards the Westers period of our intended Journey The bordering close was pimpled with mole-hills, which seem'd bu [...] young Protuberances not blister' [...] into the bigness of some neigh­bouring Banks. Leaving thi [...] [Page 51]ground behind us, we descended the Declivity of an adjoyning Pasture pretty well bearded or [...]ristled with Thorns and Bushes; [...]nd so pass'd through a Farmers [...]ard, where we saw an Alps of Straw, with Swine (instead of Snow) a groveling a- top on't; which put us in mind of the Am­bition of Goats, who are always clambering up the crags of Rocks. The Western Extremity of the Wheat-Hovil shot directly up the Barn, an Appendix to which stood [...]he Apartment of the Hogs, over which was perch't a Roost for Poultry.

Not far from this Country Tus­culum stood the Island of a house [...]n the embraces of a Moat, like Ticho's Ʋranoberg in the midst of the Sea; An antient Pile, a Re­verend Nest of as Venerable a Bird, which having taken her Flight [Page 52]hath left it a solitude. The great­est Observables were a little si­lent Bell in Duodecimo, which be­ing utterly Disleepled, hung be­tween the collops of an old wa [...] or rather a Mortar invers'd, whic [...] had lost its Pestle, so that it wi [...] not vocal by stroke of intern [...] Clapper, but by knocks and blow of external Hammer; within th [...] found of this Bell stood a lolli [...] washing-Block; being a woodd [...] kind of Anvil, where the S [...] Vulcans were hammering out wit [...] Battle-Door the Filth of Linne [...] whose unctuous Distillations we [...] the Nile that water'd the litt [...] Egypt of the adjacent garden.

Having mov'd from this Ma [...] ­sion about three or four Furlon [...] we pass'd by the skirts of a rota [...] Engine, in shape not unlike [...] House, being pack-sall'd at T' [...] with a aridge: it seem'd to sta [...] [Page 53]upon stilts, and to be a moving Habitation like those of the Getes. 'Twas prefac'd with a Portico, in­to which we ascended by a scale of Stairs. The whistling Wind breath'd a Vertigo in its Pate, whose giddyness communicating a motion to its Grinders, made it whirlegig the grain into Flow­er. A little distant from hence beyond a small sandy Desert stood a Village, whose Steeple was in its center, not unlike the Mast of a Ship. This Tower as to out­ward appearance had a Portly Per­son: yet they told us it had the imperfection of Dumbness; it having been Dis bell'd for some years. They were alarm'd to Church by the Report of a Mus­ket, which the Clerk (being an eminent Guner) did usually dis­charge at every mans Door. This Clerk was a Weaver by Trade, [Page 54]and had relation to a Loom, where in he had been ambling for seve­ral years with one Foot up an [...] the other down, and with all [...] treading hath scarce got clo [...] enough to repair the Breaches [...] his tatter'd Elbows. They to [...] us that his Trade and he had lat [...] ­ly been at Cuffs, and are just u [...] ­on parting, it being such a Lim [...] wagging Profession, that he is no [...] ­able to endure the Pennance [...] it. This man had wonderful ski [...] in sweeping the Church, and 'ti [...] thought could tell what a Clo [...] 'twas at the South Dial as well [...] most Astronomers; He was also [...] pretty Man of his hands for sing­ing; For when the Tune one Su [...] ­day had ambled from him into th [...] Chancel, and had almost caugh a fall among the Non-songsters really they told us that this N [...] ­table Man gave it such a ne [...] [Page 55] jerk, as that he twitch it into the Church strangely. Now (I say.) for the Clerk to have a rare knack of securing the Hymn from those that would steal it, Oh! Tis an execllent thing! The most remar­kable things in this Town were an Ecclesiastical Wall made of Soe­cular Mud, which mounded in the Introduction of the Parsonage: it afforded secure Harbour to Va­grant Bees, who randevozing here, became a Colony; They made so many Cells in it, that it appear'd to be the Fragment a Reverend Hony-Comb. Not far from this grew a Tree in Folio, an huge, thick, squot Elm, pounded with­in the circumferences of 4 Benches, which we suppos'd to be seats made a purpose for the Posterns of Specta­tors, when Whitsun-Ale is solemniz'd with Festivity of Fiddle, and cele­brated with Caper after Pipe and Tabour.

Immediately after our Depa [...] ­ture from this place, night ove [...] ­took us, whose Sables eclipsing th [...] Splendor of the Day, shortne [...] our course, and crooken'd our Ca­reer aside to look for a Lodgin [...] An happy Retrospect oblig'd [...] with the Prospect of glimmerin [...] Thatch, which the nearer we ap­proacht, the more visibly it a [...] ­pear'd in the shape of an House. [...] was call'd by way of Irony a Cas [...] whose Governour was a decay [...] Taylor, who having lost throug [...] an unfortunate hole of his Pocken his Needles, Thimble, those Cha [...] ­tels of his Breeches, and Imple­ments of his Vocation, was re­duc'd to poverty. The Man wa [...] nimble of foot, though a Dwarf [...] bulk, so that nine of such mig [...] very well club to the elementing [...] a Man. After a small Collation a Tripe and Buttermilk, we tript [...] [Page 57]a Ladder to the apartments of our several Cabbins, where with the Poppies of sleep we refresht our Noddles to the great comfort and satisfaction of our wearied Car­kasses. After Valediction to Prick­louse, the next morning we set out with the Sun, and had not went above a mile or two, but we heard the rumor of a sad disaster which had lately befaln a Country Corydon, which was the loss of a whole pound of Candles, suppos'd to be stoln by some high-way Rat at one Robbery. The Relations were various as to the manner of the theft; some say he carry'd them away behind him like a bur­den of sticks; others say, that he hung them by his side like Bandi­leers, but most agree that he laid them upon his shoulder one by one, and ran arm'd away with the Luminaries as with so many Mus­kets. [Page 58]We were somewhat amaz [...]d at the horror of that sad story, fearing lest we our selves should be a Prey to those bold Banditi, who being pretty greasie, seem'd to be a good handsome Bait, and so being mistaken for Rats-bane might be pouch'd by the Vermin: But (thanks to the Stars) we e­scap'd the Fate of the Bishop [...] Mentz, and march'd on upon the Fore-head of a smooth Mountain upon the summity whereof squo [...] ­ted another Hill; but it bore n [...] proportion to the seat it sate on being but a Pimple to it, as tha [...] was but a Mole-hill to the whol [...] Globe; it put us in mind of P [...] ­lion clambering upon the back [...] Ossa, that false Heraldry of th [...] Giants, Hill upon Hill, by whic [...] Bunches they thought to hav [...] scal'd Heaven; the Crown of th [...] uppermost was somewhat depre [...] [Page 59]and sunk into the hollowness of a little Valley, about which stood the natural Bannisters of some Thorn-bushes, whose folding Bran­ches weav'd into a Lattice, which threaded by the Sun-beams dappled the ground with a pleasant chec­quer-work, and yielded besides a good handsome shade to the pant­ing Sheep, whose Fleeces discover'd them to have taken sanctuary here a­gainst the Persecutions of the violent heat; for the Cattle feeding within the covert, and rushing through the Brake, every Briar took Toll of their Coats, and excis'd their Backs as fast as they fill'd their Bellies; on every spring there hung a Fragment of their Liveries, and the whole hedge was cloath'd with tatter'd Fleeces, as if Wooll had been vegetable and had grown there. These spoils were lookt upon as excellent Booty to vagrant Youth, who went about stripping, [Page 60]plundering, and (as it were Sheep shearing the hedges: W [...] met a crew of these Pickeerin [...] Wool-gatherers, the very Emblem [...] of Beggery, and but once remov' [...] from vilest Rascality; one Shoo [...] a-piece, and half a Hat, a Remnant of a Doublet, and a Moiety [...] a Sleeve, a pair of Dispocket Bre [...] ches, and a jagged Jump, wen [...] the flower of their Accoutrements except two or three locks of Wo [...] tuck'd like Scuts under their Girdles as a Badge of their profession and some cram'd Stockins bobbin [...] at their sides as Trophies of thei [...] Pyracies.

Some few Furlongs from hen [...] there was a mixt Assembly of Ki [...] and Goats at dinner upon th [...] Lawns; their Meal was interrup [...] ed by the unwelcome salutes [...] troublesome Breeze, whose stim [...] lation of Rump did engender suc [...] [Page 61]a Frolick, that with curled Tail and toss'd-up Horn they run gad­ding and bellowing, and with their vocal Friskings, with a plea­sant kind of terror, did at once both recreate and affright the asto­nish'd Beholders: The Magistrate or Herds-man, that kept these A­nimals, was in the midst of the Tumult, who finding himself miserably involv'd in a Hubbub, with furious Club chastiz'd their Gamesomness, and with mighty bussing becalm'd the uproar. This Fellow was a strange Creature, wonderfully Goth'd, and all-to-be-Vandall'd even to Barbarity it self. A Clown in grain! An uncultiva­ted Boor! A Beast of the Herd in humane shape. We propos'd a Quaery or two about the Genius of the Place; he told us the Soil was cold, and big with clay, and would doubtless yield a good [Page 62] Harvest of Tobacco-pipes: And as for the People, he said they were a Pan-pudding sort of People, much addicted to that vile sort of Creature. A whole Table at a Christening is spread with a Yard of Pudding, and a Balk of Beef, a Ridge of one and a Furrow of the other, which did so wonderfully work upon their Chops, and made their mouths so water, that two of the chiefest Grandees of the Town, the Hogherd and the Hey­ward fell seriously to snouting for some few Morsels: the two-ear'd Pitcher that stood upon the Bench was Mr. Prinn'd in the scuffle, i. e. lost a Lug in the Fray; and we were inform'd afterward that the Distaff lost a Lock or two of its Flaxen Periwig.

Among Rational wonders the most remarkable Miracle of this Place, was an eminent Cot-quean, [Page 63]a meer Woman in the habit of a Man, a kind of Mal-cut-purs'd Creature, an Epicaene Animal of a twisted Gender, who hath a Pet­ticoat Soul in a Trunk-Breech'd Bo­dy, and scandalizeth Virility by skill in Housewifery. He spins (they say) like a Spider, and makes his Wheel giddy by a swift Vertigo; we observ'd him to be stately in his gate when he advan­ceth up to Spindle; and indeed was retrograde again with no little Gravity. He is a learned Crafts­man in the making of Diet, a no­table Food-Framer, who buffets the Cream till he hath frighted it [...]nto a consistence, and knock'd it [...]nto Butter, and afterward squee­zes with dexterity of Fist. He was endow'd with the gift of tos­sing of Pan-cakes, and had a won­derful knack at tempering the Materials of a Bag-pudding. He [Page 64]surpass'd the Dairy-maids in Mil [...]-pan accomplishments, and was e [...] cellently qualified for a Meal-Tu [...] Office. He squeez'd the Curd [...] with Cheese-press Bum, and knea [...] the Dough with fulch of Elbo [...] He is a Critick at sweeping, an [...] manageth the Beesome with mig [...] ty skill. We could hardly disce [...] any more of dust, he having di [...] lodg'd from Crevis even the sma [...] lest Atoms; we were dazled wit [...] the Sun-shine of his radiant Brass which was exceedingly enlighten' [...] by modern cleansing, he being [...] singular scowrer, and very knowing and able at Sand and Oiste [...] shel.

This Hen-Hous wife-Mortal liv' [...] a monkish kind of Life, bein [...] cloister'd up in a desolate habit [...] tion of a certain Gentleman, who we suppose, does fee him to dwe [...] there to affright the Mice, and [...] [Page 65]be a Bull-beggar to the Rats; and also to terrifie a worse kind of Vermin which we call Theeves, who are apt to creep through the Mouse-hole of a window, and to [...]ibble away the Furniture of a dispossest house: or possibly he might abide there to repair its [...]reaches, and to recover it from [...]ts craziness, and by the whole­ [...]ome Physick of frequent Fires to [...]eep it in health, and to perswade [...]t not to tumble, but to remain till a Mansion to the Family that [...]wns it.

We tasted here of the Hospita­ [...]ty of this fœmasculine wight, [...]ho spread a Joynt-stool with se­ [...]eral sorts of Viands; which [...]ough not very delicate, yet the [...]ariety might atone and make a­ [...]ends for their meanness. Here [...]as the Epidermis of a Hog, the [...]utward skin call'd the Swerd of [Page 66]Bacon, which was infected with the Jaundice, and look'd yellow▪ here was the Hull of a Pesco [...] plunder'd of its Pease, and corn' [...] with Salt, some broken Fragmen [...] of Sheeps Trotters S. Lawrenc' [...] on a Gridiron; the offal of [...] Lark, the minc'd Spurs of a Boo [...] less Cock, a skim'd Quadrant [...] soft Cheese, well sawc'd with th [...] Butt-ends of forked Scallions, th [...] mouldy reversion of an Antiquate [...] Loaf dipt in the verdure of W [...] ter-cresse Pottage, afforded us th [...] refreshment of a pretty Collatio [...] by the vertue whereof being some what recruited, we mov'd for ward and crep up the Brisket of small Mountain, upon whose sloa [...] ing descent stood a Quadrangula [...] Sheep-pen, which we pass'd throug [...] and found pitcht with Buttons, [...] pretty sort of Floor and Mode [...] Mosaick. Not far from the mo [...] [Page 67]eastern hurdle (as near as we could observe) lean'd a ruinous Bridge, which glory'd in the passage but of one Arch, and that seem'd ra­ther Natural than Artificial; for the Impetuosity of the Current having bor'd an hole through a heap of stones, lick'd it into the shape of an indifferent Arch: At the Foot whereof stood a Smiths Shop, about a Bay of watling; [...]t seem'd to be a pretty reverend Seat as we gather'd from the Man­tle of Green Moss upon its back. Though it was cover'd with stub­ble without, yet it was pretty to­ [...]erably furnish'd with Iron within, [...]s thread-bare Horse-shooes, bits of Keys, some few semicircles of [...]ron Rings, odd Links of interru­ [...]ted Fetters, and a broken Series of a discontinued Chain. The Vulcan was in his Den, and was [...]ammering out Hob-nails for [Page 68]Countrey hoof. His Forge w [...] rais'd from the ground like an A [...] tar, upon which there did bur [...] (as it were) a Vestal Fire, whi [...] blast of Bellows made much [...] bubble up in this little Mongib [...] What Cinders were belch'd fro [...] this flaming Vesuvius, whose smo [...] and ashes besmutted the Pluto [...] this Infernal Region! who havi [...] Primitive Apparel, i. e. bei [...] skin'd over with a Case of Leath [...] and having a swarthy Complex [...] on, did with the grimness of [...] Aspect, and with the horrib [...] russel of his Breeches, fright o [...] of the Dogs of our company i [...] a fit of sickness; we imagin'd [...] Cur might mistake him for a T [...] ker, who is commonly a Dise [...] or at least a Nusance to those Cr [...] tures.

We saw nothing hereabouts v [...] remarkable, only we met seve [...] [Page 69]Mastiffs laden with the Cargo of good lusty Bones in their mouths; they were ambling eastward; a very fine spectacle to see a Regi­ment of Curs trooping along in­stead of Bilboa, arm'd with Shoul­der-blades. We wonder'd at first from whence such plenty of Ana­tomy as to furnish them, till spy­ing the Carkass of a dead Palfry, we perceiv'd they had been feast­ed with the Viands of his Flesh, and stole the Skeleton Piece-meal. A Baker chanc'd to come by through a Gap near at hand, mounted upon just such another Morsel, ripe for Collar-maker, which being surpriz'd with the spe­ctacle of his Brother Carrion, took an occasion to start, and to dis­burden himself of his Load; which sad misfortune prov'd a lucky acci­dent to the Dogs, whereby they were furnish'd with Bread to their Meat.

Not far from hence was a scu [...] Slough, most fatal (as is observ [...] to Millers, whom it sups up i [...] the Abysse of its profundity; [...] saw one moving a-tit-up, a-tit- [...] till he flounc'd in, and by a m [...] disastrous Pitch-pole into mud a [...] dirt, discolour'd his Coat, th [...] was candy'd with the effluviums [...] his mealy Bags. The Neck-lace [...] Bells about the crest of his Be [...] ceas'd to be sonorous, being qui [...] choak'd. His Meal through frig [...] and moisture was metamorpho [...] into Pudding; and spunging [...] the Liquos, it grew so heav [...] that it thriv'd into such unweil [...] ness, as that it was almost [...] moveable: we cautelously wa [...] the danger of this dirt by dive [...] ing a little toward the northe [...] parts of this Quagmire, and so [...] a dainty fine Path, and that [...] meanly beautify'd with vari [...] [Page 71]of Flowers, we continu'd our [...]ourney very prosperously, only [...]ne of our company had a most calamitous fall over an unhappy clod of the first magnitude, which undermining his Pedestals, gave him a preposterous squob, his head saluting the ground first, to the great detriment of the outward man. There run parallel with this Path a pitcht Causey (as we suppos'd) about ten Furlongs, we stept into it, and follow'd its track till it brought us into the desert of a Common, not so much as ac­commodated with Horse, Tree, House, or Man, so that here we felt the rigour of somewhat call'd harship, the Stomack barking, the Hoof galling, the Winds whi­stling, and the Heavens dropping; all these conspir'd to make us mi­serable. At last arriving to the borders of the Wilderness, we were [Page 72]courteously receiv'd into an h [...] spitable Hamlet, where we enjoy [...] the blessing of an indifferent r [...] freshment. We took up our Qua [...] ters here that night, and pass [...] away the evening in some pert [...] nent Quæries about observables [...] the Place. They presented [...] with a pretty curiosity which seldo [...] occurs, and that was the Copy [...] a Brief containing the Losses of [...] distressed Virgin, which beca [...] the form and stile is somewhat [...] usual, we care not much if [...] here insert.