LEt us no longer Amuse our selves with discourses of the success of Forreign Battels, wherein both Sides are Victorious; no more let the l ttle Politicians of the Coffee-house perplex their Noddles to Reconcile Monsieurs Gazett, with Myne-H [...]ers Cur­rant: The News we are now to Relate is much more proper for their Debates, and many of them perhaps far more Concern'd in't.

Whetstones Park was the Pharsalia where a most Bloody Battle was Fought but the other day, w [...]ll d [...]s [...]rving to be Celebrated in Deat less Rhymes of Ballad Laur [...]at, of which, for the satis [...]action of the Curious, take the following Exact and Punctual Narrative.

Though the Bawds and VVhores are a sort of Cattle that can agree well enough against the common Enemy, That is, To Rook and Cheat t [...]ose that are such Rogues [Page 2] and Fools as to go amongst them; yet it is well known to all verst in those Mysteries, that there have been continual Fewds, and sometimes Civil Wars, between themselves, about sharing the wages of Iniquity.

'Tis an old Quarrel was the occasion of the present Uproar, which began thus.

Doll Tireman one of the Does in the Park, having met with three or four easy Cullies with Pockets well Lined, had made them Bleed freely, and Bubbled them of about half a score Guinny-spankers, which Mrs. Jilt the Reverend Matron, in whose house she Plyed, would needs have Sequestred to her own use, pretending a Debt for Cloaths, besides mony that she stood engaged for to the Doctor and Apothecary for the last new Rig­ging; But Doll. was Resolute not to part with a souce of her Col [...], whereupon began a very grave and civil Dialogue between them;

You Pocky confounded Whore, do you think I will harbout such a Damn'd Jade that shall abuse my Customers, and bring a Scandal on my House, and go away with all my Profit.

You Harbour me, you old rotten Cannon-Basket, 'Tis well known I was Courted to come and Lodge in the civilest Houses in the Park, Persons that have other Guests than yours, Gentlemen all in Pantaloons, and Lacquies attending them, I abuse your Customers you Tun-bellied Jade, I know none you have, but Foot-Boys, Journymen Taylors, some Shab­by Clarks in a long Vacation, and now and then a City Prentice, all those that are worth a Womans while to keep Company with; I am forced to get in by my own Industry, and if they give me a piece or two for [Page 3] a Civility, do you think you shall have it you old Shri­vel'd Hagg?

Out you Impudent sawcy Whore, to abuse me thus that might be your Mother, and I am sure have done more for you; 'Tis well known I have paid Scot and Lot in the Parish this Thirty years, who is it that must Bribe the Beadle for you, mollify the Consta­ble, and make a Friend every foot to the Justices Clark when you are in Trouble; Is it not I you un­grateful Jade? Is it not I that am forced to harbour you, and pay for your Cure when you have got the Pox; To take up Cloaths for you in Long-lane, and discharge the T [...]lly [...] and your Friend at the Ses­sions, and get you Build out of the Naskin.

Marry [...] G [...]psy, and is not all this for your own Ends, who [...] you Cullies to Sp [...]nd halfe a Peice in halfe an H [...]wers time, and have nothing for it worth Six-pence, who helps you off with your small Ale in Penny Cans a dozen at a drought, your stinking Tobacco a Penny a pipe, you pint bottles of Decayed wine at half a Crowne a peice, Who is it that Misreckons for you Eighteen pence in Two Shillings, and out faces the Fopps with a thousand Oaths that tis true, And is not all this enough for you, with a Poxe to you but you must be Rakeing away the mony which I have Earned with the Sweat of my Brows, you old Hatchet-Fac'd, Hopper-Arse Bawd.

Whilst they were thus seriously arguing the Case, Severrall other neighbouring Bawds came about them, To whom Mother Jilt made her complaint, how this bold Buttocke had abused her, and would not deposite Snacks of the [Page 4] Quiffing Cole; Whereupon they advised to Uncase her, and so all fell upon her to stripp her of her gawdy Duds, Which made poor Doll roar out like an Irish woman, when she sets up the Hubbub, and Immediately all the Does flockt thither as fast as Cats to a Puss roasting, To these Doll Cries out for help, and acquaints them with the unreasonablenesse of the old Bawds Demands, and that they should now or never stand up for their Liberties, or else expect to find the Bawds absolute Tirants for over after,

Hereupon after Some sharp Expostulations on either side, they came to Blows, and never was a more terrible Conflict beheld, The first onset was given by Gammar Jilt, that flung a Bottle of Steppony, and beat out one of Doll Tiremons Eys, who in revenge pluckt off the old wo­mans Nose, and flung it just in another Bawds Chops, who Spitt it out again in the Face of a young Whore that she was Engaged with, Hoods, Scarfs, Pinners, Laces went miserably to Racke, Biteing, Kicking, Scratching, and Confusion fill'd the place, never was there a Sadder Sight, here lay a Nose, there an Eye, a little further a Sett of Teeth, here a peice of a Necklace, there a parcel of Black Patches, and by and by the Ruines of a glorious Tower trod under Foot; The Bawds were never so Bang'd, not the Morts so Mortified, but who had the better of it is hard to say, For Fortune had not yet de­clared in favour of either party, when the Pimpes, Hectors, Bullies, Bully-Rocks, Bully-Ruffians, Bully-Sandies, and the rest of the Black-Guard, taking the Alarm, came in Multitudes to part the Fray, where one of them made this Excellent Oration.

VVhat ails yee in the Devils Name you Cockatri­ces, what! Civil Wars between your selves you Silly Bitches, Is Satans Kingdom divided? Agree together you Cursed Baggages, or we will Rib-roast you every one like a Stock-Fish.

VVho you, you Paltry Ragamuffin cries a Rampant young VVhore, bring back my Smock I pray which I lent you to wear whilst your own lowsie Shirt went to washing, which was seconded by a Bawd on the other hand, crying out, Are you come I Faith you pittiful Son of a Rogue, remember Sirrah you use to Fright away people from my House with your Huf­fing and Swearing, Two Quakers that were constant Customers, and paid as well for the Commodities they had, as any men in the world, your Damming and Sinking made them leave coming for above a Month together, but I'le be Revenged on you, saying which, she broke his Head with a Fire-Forke, so that the Hectors perceiving themselves like to be engaged, began to use Intreaties, whereby at last they procured a Cessation of Armes, and after some time a perfect Peace, the chief Articles whereof were these.