THE FANATICKS BARBER. OR, A New Cut for NON-CONFORMISTS.
Being a true Relation of the PARSON that was lately Gelt at Chemsford in Essex, being taken in Bed with another Mans Wife.
Very proper to be sung in all Corporations of this Nation. All the Town shan't save thee.
O Women, you that can so well
Bewaile your own misfortunes
Come cry with me, for man undone,
For acting 'tween the Curtaines,
They say the
Saracens are cruel,
And
Tartars they are grim;
But fie upon Christian
English man
They never did like him.
Now that I may your longing save
And set your tongues a gabling,
My song concerns a Parson; Lord!
Well men of God be dabling?
Yea verily even so it is,
For mortal flesh is frail;
And men of God like other men
Bear lecherie in tayle.
Ill tell it out, for Saints will crie
Give me a mare behind
If that a man must pay so dear
For boaring Woman kind.
Proceed therefore my doleful muse;
In famous
Essex where,
The Town which you do
Chemsford call,
and thus it fell out there.
Thus did it fall out there I say,
The Parson there did live,
They say he was a
Presbyter
The which I do believe.
Quoth he unto his Neighbours wise,
My Bowels earn for thee,
Assist the feeder of thy soul
In his necessity.
Quoth she, Oh Sir, it cannot be
That I my soul should damn:
I'le warrant thee for that quoth he,
an't I thy Priest sweet Lamb?
Why did not
David lye, quoth he
with wife of bold
Ʋriah?
You I say that he was punisht for't,
But that my deare's a lie a.
With that they laie down both together
as doth the Lamb and Lion:
Let's get a holie seed, quoth he,
to thwack the foes of
Zion.
But oh that Butcher butcherly,
that blinking bloody butcher,
That just came in, in nick of time,
as he was going to touch her.
So
Troy Town after ten years wars
was taken unaware:
And as the learned do recount,
so
Mosse did catch his Mare.
They say cause Butcher came so pat,
he had some private item;
Some bid him call for witnesses,
and afterwards indite him.
Dite him quoth he, with irefull face,
I'le dite him with a pox;
So up he went whetting his Knife,
and streight bounc'd ope the locks
Judge how the Parson looked then,
quo butcher, I come to kill ye;
With that his tool which was so crank
shrunk up into his belly.
Art thou fit others for to teach.
quo butcher then full gravely,
And do such wicked things as these!
'God all the town shan't save thee.
The Priest thought to have scar'd the Butcher
with a syllogism in Celarent
Tar box quo to'ther, Priests were not made
ut Butchers wives amarent.
With that he whip'd the bed cloaths off
and in his hand he caught um,
Quo he I'le have off every bit,
though 'twere a mile to the bottom,
O Caytiffe wretch, quo Parson then
to make my fate so heavy;
The Turk ne're gave so deep a wound
unto the Tribe of
Levy.
Quo Butcher, pish—so Parson laie,
in his own pickle sprawling:
Ye bitch, quo he, unto his wife,
I ha' spoil'd your caterwauling.
Therefore all you that have long ears,
reach them unto my text,
For faith y'are all so given to't,
that God knows who'l be next.
For so it is now, that if ye ask
where all the sawcie trade is,
Why Players among Gentlemen,
and Parsons among Ladies.
Therefore I pray you listen well
to what ye have heard this daie,
First of all cause by such foul deeds
you will your selves bewray.
Secondlie for that you offend
the Brethren that are weak;
Thirdlie and lastlie for your own
and this poor Parsons sake.
Therefore I tell ye once again
take notice of my rime
Write it'th' tables of your hearts;
and so much for this time.
FINIS.