THough this Subject deserve, nei­ther Apology, nor Preface, in it self, or is necessary to a well qualified Reader; yet since it is now expos'd to all, you shall have the reason Why, at the door, to prevent you from censuring after you come in.

If it be necessary to distinguish the scabbed Sheep from the flock; the infected in Plague­time, from those in Health; if it be neces­sary to pull the Sheeps cloathing from the Wolves back; then is it not only lawful, but necessary, for me to expose this to the World, as well to prevent the Contagion of the wea­ker sort of the Flock, and the censure of a whole Church for a brace of Impostors, as to let all (that have by the inculcation of such odd Precedents conceiv'd a prejudice against us) know how much we disown, dislike, and hate them, and wish, (which is as much [Page 2] wanted as wished) that there were a Power that not only could, but also would, take cognizance of, and punish such Malefactors, and out of a true compassion to the whole Bo­dy, separate the contagious Members. I de­clare and own as great a tenderness to my Neighbours reputation, as to the Apple of my Eye; and therefore hate and abhor, any Per­son that out of envy, malice, or interest, shall either whisper about his Neighbours private frailties, which are only to his own particular prejudice, or to magnifie, and add, what is false: But when the publick actions of Persons, are not only hurtful to themselves, but reflect up­on a whole Congregation, and bring a Scan­dal upon the very Principles of our Religion; it is so far from deserving a censure, that there is an obligation somewhere incumbent, to let them and their Cheats, be known; that so they, and opprobriums, and farther conta­gions may be avoided: I only hang out a Lanthorn, and set up a fencing rail at the dangerous precipice: If any Traveller find fault with me, in the night of his ignorance, he'l thank me in the-day light of his better understanding. Had not the grand Impostor ( Collins) by suborning a Wench to counterfeit her self Demoniac or possess'd of the De­vil, brought a great Scandal upon us, and our Religion; Or Vincent the like, by making [Page 3] people believe that he and his Wench should dye, and rise again the third day; and had not the thing been so publick, and ridiculous, that even Poor Robbin had it in his Divertise­ments, to render our Religion ridiculous, at least to the vulgar; I had been silent. But now all things oblige me to this impartial Narrative, and I presume, that after all these weighty Reasons, and the necessity of pub­lishing this Paper, no one will be so void of Charity as to censure me of the want there­of, for I heartily wish the Conversion of such miscreants, and do declare, I have no pique at their persons, but what their deportment de­serves, and our necessary defence requires; for (in short) 'tis better the publick acts of two notorious Impostors should be laid open, cen­sur'd, detested, and disown'd, than a whole Congregation, (by smothering the same) be rendred Scandalous and Odious.

Vincent and Collins, two Dominican Friers (for their rare exploits having lately commenced Doctors) are the subject of this Discourse, the Stage of their Actions, London: What place spued them hither, I am as ignorant of, as they of their Native country. These two ubiquitarian Vagabonds having not long since taken up their station here, began to constult, and joyn their Loggerheads together, what gainful Trade was best to drive; amongst [Page 4] many propos'd, they agreed upon this, which they acted, and I shall relate. In the first place (for fear their old forreign Names, should retain with them the scent of their forreign exploits) they discard them, and as­sume these of Collins and Vincent, this done, (and taking a chearful Cup of the Creature,) they rub up their brazen Faces, and take up their station in the throng of the Fair: But (in all exploits of this kind,) some assistants being necessary; they very patly meet with a couple of cunning Jades, as fit for their purpose, as a halter for a Thief, these they train up for their purposes, both to act, and decoy. First Collins, who was to act the Con­jurer or caster out of Devils, trains up his Wench to make wry Mouths, ugly Faces, squint Eyes, to contract, and dilate her Mouth, to lay out her Tongue, to arm it a­gainst Fire, to foam at the Mouth with the help of Soap, to make hideous noises, to speak through the Nose (like himself with a Pox broken ends of Latin, Dutch, and Irish in­stead of Greek. After some private tryals how she could perform her part, (as Players do be­fore their publick Act) (and after having made the whole Town ring, of a Maid pos­sess'd with the Devil,) he makes a publick appointment both of time, and place, where, and when, he and the Devil should enter into [Page 5] the Lists for a single touch in a fair Combat. The eminent place, and more then ordinary Persons present I must omit: Now behold all the Spectators present, of several Sexes, Ages, Degrees, and Religions, expecting the re­sult of this great enterprise: The Wench is brought in bound, her Face made pale with Meal like the Picture of Death, and Collins with some deluded Assistants, arm'd with all his hypocritical Engines, in Pontificalibus makes his entry, at whose presence, the Wench trem­bles, begins to foam, to roar, to contract all parts, and in fine to empty her whole Budget of tricks, and as if the Devil were in her, utters strange gibberish, which Collins the Devils Interpreter explains, to the People, and after having made dissembling address to the People, falls aboard the Wench, and most sacrilegiously abuses all those venerable Cere­monies of the Church, in employing them them to a meer Imposture, and fiction of his own contriving. And parts on both sides were so wickedly well to the life per­formed, that all swallowed the Gudgeon and were well satisfied, till one of his As­sistants, a Franciscan Frier, (who, not privy to Collins's design, believed all with the rest) thinking his Girdle had (as the Jesuits Pow­ders) some occult quality, or Power over the Devil, rudely thrust the knot of Saint [Page 7] Francis his Cord into her Throat, so that the Maid, to avoid a necessity of being chok'd, was forc'd to unmask, shifts her self by force from the Frier, and in earnest cries out to the People for Christ Jesus sake, to assist her, and rescue her from the Friers Clutches, which was immediately performed, and Collins hissed out of the place. Spectatum admissi risum teneatis amici. The Maid was afterwards by Authority examined upon Oath, and confessed the whole truth of what has been here related.

This unfortunate accident, having dis­courag'd my Gentleman from appearing any more in publick, he hath yet the confidence left, to hold forth in private Families, and imposes upon weak silly Women (his only audience) and there (to shew his admired Talents, in vending his Rhodomontado balder­dash,) he snivels out his profound Nonsense, and draws John Calvin through the Nose. So Exit Collins, and Enter Vincent.

You have all, I suppose, heard of the story of one that liv'd in Martin Luthers days, a Ger­man Reformer, who having set up for himself and bid a defiance to the Pope, and to make himself famous in the beginning, by perform­ing a Miracle, suborns a Wench for Money to counterfeit her self dead, that he might raise her again to life; but Gods just Judge­ment [Page 7] having strook her dead in earnest, and he not being able to raise her again to life; had (for his Imposture) much ado to save his own life, from the rage of the People. Now whether Vincent learnt this trick from the German Gentleman, or whether good Wits jump'd, 'tis hard to judge: Yet for mat­ter of Wit, crave your pardon, for now I think on't, if Frier Vincents Head had been as empty of other garbage as of Wit, 'twould have made a brave Drum for Dr. Fuller to beat a march on in his Holy War.

But to the story; Vincent aspiring to fame in the World, slights Bellarmines Speculation, de arte bene moriendi, having found out a better himself in praxi. First therefore he instructs his Girl, how to counterfeit Death, privately in his Chamber, and how to Act all the dying postures, as opening the Mouth, contracting her Limbs, the careless hanging of Head, Hands and Legs, as if destitute of motion, adding pale, wan, and livid colours proper to each part: This done, he makes the whole Town ring of this great Miracle, which was to be wrought upon the Maid, to wit, that without any previous Sickness, she should die just at such an hour, and rise again the third day; And no time would serve his turn, to shew his Hocus Pocus tricks, but the the Holy time of Lent and Good-friday it [Page 8] self; to cross the Proverb, with the worser deed on the better day. The time drawing near, all preparations are made for this stu­pendious Miracle; People of different Reli­gions are invited, they come to the place ap­pointed; Father Vincent then in a solemn man­ner, accompanied with some Assistants, with Bell, Book, and Candle, Cross, Copes, Holy­water, Sacrament and Holy Oyls; after a small Nonsensical Oration fit for the purpose, ap­plying several Texts of the Holy Scripture, as that he will not suffer his Holy Ones to see Corruption, using the Plural instead of the singular number. This ended with a profound silence and earnest gazing, every one expects the event, some feared their own surmises might prove true, others that the Wench might prove with Child, and so rather bring one into the World than pack out her self: But the critical minute of Vincents presage­ment being come, the Wench (having her promised reward in her Pocket, before hand and fearing some miscarriage in the business, and consequently shame and punishment;) instead of dying, bursts out into a profound laughter, as well she might, and so the Im­postor was discovered, and Vincent hissed at by the People. Vincent now too late repents his folly of paying People their Wages before their Work was done; and knowing not [Page 9] which way to turn himself here, runs into the Country and the Wench after him, whom he durst not treat but kindly, for fear of farther mischief; there they staid for the space of one year, till the noise was a little over, and then returned to London, where Vincent fall to his old Trade again, and gets a sodality of the female Sex about him, and Preaches old Womens dreams and fancies, for Revelations and Miracles. One passage I had almost forgot that happened to Vincent since his return from the Country.

There is a poor old man in this Town, that once upon a time having stolen a Sheepshead, and being apprehended in the fact, is eversince baited by the Boyes in the streets, who follow him in every cornern with loud acclamations of Sheepshead, it happened one day, that Fa­ther Vincent passing by, in the midst of these acclamations, and not minding to whom they were directed, surmised himself to be the per­son they hooted at so loudly, and in a pannick fear, betakes himself to his Heels with his Eyes arsy-versy, the better to view their ap­proach; the nimble witted young Fry, dis­covering his timerous posture, and causeless flying, conclude him a new Sheepshead, and lea­ving the old hunted Game, pursue the fresh view, with a full cry of nothing but Shepshead, Sheeps­head a new. Vincent finding they got ground [Page 10] upon him, redoubled his fears, and they his pace, so that with much ado for that time, he got to shelter and escaped their fury; but the poor Frier as well, as his Breeches were in a terrible twitter, and next day all the sodality of Sisters, gave thanks for his Mi­raculous delivery.

Thus you have a brief account of these two Montebanks in Religion: I could have wish­ed the ingenious Author of Hudibras had light upon this for one of his Subjects, where Vincent and Collins would have matcht his Hudibras and Ralpho in all points, and have fitted him to a Cows thumb: Now e'ne let the Players take it up and mould it into a Comedy, 'twill fill their Boxes and Purses, both especially if they'l but admit Vincent and Collins to Act their own Parts in Person, the best Trade they can now drive. Now after all these premonitions, and cautions, Si vulgus vult decipi, decipiatur, if the People will be chea­ted let them, and there's an end.