BEhold, the fickleness of Fortunes Wheel! The Instability of things under the changeable Moon! So shall you find it foretold in Mother Shiptons, Manuscript-Prophecies, (never yet Printed) p. 409.

Beshrew all Witches and their Southsayings. That Prognostication at this juncture seems hastening to its accomplishment; and then, wo and alas! What shall become of us poor Tunbridge and Epsom?

How comfortably in times by-past, have we liv'd all the Summer, like Fishes, meerly by Wa­ter and Tippling; And in the Winter, like Green­land Bears, sucking our own Claws? Loretto was scarce haunted with such swarms of Pilgrims as our Health-restoring Plains, nor Rome more crowd­ed in a Jubilee, than we were, from merry May till after the Dog-starr had done Barking, and the more important Negotiations of Bartoldom-fair, called home our Customers. Happy were they that could get shelter in our Illustrious Pallaces, covered with immortal Thatch, and delicately hung with the Spinstry of Arachne, Vulgarly cal­led Cloath of Cob-web. Three Families not seldom dwelt in one Chamber scarce so big as a Taffity Tart; and without any superstitious niceness about difference of Sex, lovingly pigg'd in toge­ther. Strangers from remote Regions, came in Guilt Coaches, to DUNG our barren Heaths for us, at their own charge; and having given us 3. or 4. pounds for a Supper over-night, retur­ned us the substance of it, with an overplus, next morning Gratis; many a fair House have we built with that which is called the beginning of Love; and made more profit of Excrements than ever the Emperour Vespatian did of his Excise upon Piss.

We shall never forget those jolly dayes, how we have been frequented by the Noble and the Gay, the fine and the fair; the roaring Fopps, and the still, sly, formall Cockcombs; the Swaggerers in Buff, and the Venerable in Satin; the Flaming Lasses and the simpering Dames, those that help others, and those that help themselves; the witts and the jilts, the fond Husbands and the more foolish maintainers, the miserly Fathers, and the generous Sons, and the free-sporting Daughters, and the procuring Cozens, the Hectoring Bullies, and the snuffling Precisians; the long Hair, and the overgrown Ears; Whigg and Tory, Trim [...]er and all, were every Mothers Son, our constant Customers.

The Ladies would fine-and-Recovery away their Joinctures, and part even with their pretious Stones, rather, than not have a Green Gown or two on our Banks; and a Citizen could as soon perswade his Spouse to forswear Conventicles, as prevail with her not to visit us once a year.

Here, the Buckram-bagg'd Lawyer Hoarse with a circuites bawling, came to restore his voyce; but caressing a small Shee-friend more impaired it, and so fell into the hands of a Doctor, who went to Law with his Disease, and acted (Se­cundum Artem) all the Tricks, of Plea, Excep­tion, Demurrer, Interlocutory Order, and peremp­tory Consideratum est, till Ignoramus dispairing as much as ever his Client in forma Pauperis, and looking altogether as simply; happened to be taught by one of Sir Andrew Judds School-boys, that Telephus was hea'ld by the rust of the same Spear that wounded him; and that Pliny some­where sayes, Vipers Flesh is the best Remedy for the hurt of their Stings; whereupon repairing to the Crack, that bestow'd the Clap, she in 9 days, made him as sound as a Roach, with a De­coction of Guiacum and a few Turpentine Pills.

Here the over-fraighted Strumper (undone by [Page] doing; or ruin'd, like some improvident Shop­keepers, by grasping at too great a Trade) puts in to New-wash, Carreen, and Tallow; and so returns a fresh and Blooming Virgin: Here disap­pointed Wives, met with seasonable Refresh­ments; the Barren by vertue of our Metalsome Waters, and the application of an able Doctor behind a Bush, found Nature relieved, grew Fruitfull and blest their rejoycing Husbands with many an hopefull Heir.

But now all these Felicities are like to expire, Interlopers are abroad, and we must cry out as the Quack-Doctors doe— Beware of Counter­feits, for they swarm; could not folks be content to invent new Fashions, and new Oaths, new Re­ligions and new Models of Government, but the Divel must put them upon finding out new Wells, and new Physical Waters, when there were old ones enough of all Conscience, to have scowr'd their Guits, and purged their Purses, and make work for the Doctors.

Tell us, O you Sage Astrologers (who tother day prognosticated the Turks Victories, and the Ruine of the most Christian King; you who hold a Bakers dozen of Coelestial-Houses in Fee-simple, yet are scarce able to pay your Rent for one poor Louzy Cottage on Earth) tell us, I pray, what unlucky Starrs govern this capricious Age, and put people on such plotting humours? For we are, many ways, bound to Curse their pragmati­cal Influences; first Oatses Plot for two or three years frighted away our Roman Communicants, Not a Shaveling Priest tho never so disguised, durst appear in our Walks; but was as afraid of our Springs, as the Devil is of their Holy-water: And then the Whiggs must goe Plott (with an Horse­pox to 'em) and so wee lose that party too: And now here comes a Third Plott, worse (to us) than either of the other two, a Plott, a devilish, a damnable, a horrid Plott, to perswade People (not that BOBBING is SALAMANCA, or FORTY ONE EIGHTY THREE, but) that Sadlers Musique-house is Southborrow, and Clarkenwell-Green, Caverly-Plain; That Abana and Pharpar (Rivers of Damascus) are equal to old Jordan, That Islington, forsooth, is commenc'd Epsom, per Saltum, as Fools be­come Physicians and golden Dunces, woodden Doct­ers at Leiden; That the juice of a few Cowturds, mixt with a sham of Steel-dust, and steept in a new-vamp'd Well, that in all likelyhood was an old House of Office; can bee effectual as our won­der-working Fountains that tast of cold Iron, and breath pure Nitre and Sulphur.

Audacious and unconscionable Islington! was it not enough that thou hast time out of mind been the Metropolitan Mart of Cakes, Custards, and stew'd Pruans? The chief place of entertain­ment for Suburb Bawds, and Loitering Prentices? Famous for Bottle'd Ale that begins the Huzza! before one drinks the Health, and Statutable Cans, 9 at least to a Quart That thou flowest with delicious Milk extra [...] from rotten Tur­neps and Hogwash Grains Renowned for Mid­dletons pipes, and putting forth both Calves and Bastards to Nurse? Could not all these Advan­tages satisfie thee without invading our privi­ledges, and trumping up your Spouts and old dormant Holes, to Intercept our Customers, and utterly spoil our Antient Staple Manufactory of Spewing and Shit—g? But suppose their Waters could be conceited somewhat comparable where is the Air? Where the Diversions? Where the Conveniencies? If an honest Man walk out at five, he shall be expected back at eight to What-dee-lack-it in his Shop, where he sits forall the world like a Lord in a Hutch; Besides, Duns, and Serjeants, and Marshals-Men lye perdue all along the Coast, and make his Walk as perillous as a Voi­age to Scanderoon. If a vertuous woman repair thither, since going to St. Antlins, and Morning Lectures is out of fassion, some Eves dropping Neighbour thrusts in for a Companion, but proves indeed a spy, and she must hurry home by Dinner, or else the good Man runs Horn-mad, and where's a body's Injoyment then?

Is trotting to Islington on foot with a dull Hus­band, or a froward Wife, a durty-fisted Prentice, or a blabbing Maid, for two or three hours, com­parable to the delights of being Jog'd and Jolted in a Coach, and with brave Company trundled down Madamscourt-Hill, or over Bansted-downs? And staying out a Month or two, without being troubled with the peivish Yoak-fellow, save only on Saturday and Sunday Nights (on which you are sure to be very Sick) and all the rest of the Week as blyth as Datchellors, and free and uncontroul­ed as the most absolute Monarches of the East, having nothing to doe, but Cajole the beleiving Fopp at home with a few kind Lines, for a sup­ply of Cash, dictated by the obliging Miss or Gallant, to make the Sport more divertive.

Consider well all these Advantages of a remo­ter distance, consult your Interest, and abandon this upstart Haeresy of Flocking to Islington, tell your Friends what stange rumblings those Waters make in your Bellies and your Brains; believe it the Papists or the Whiggs (as Chronicles tells us, the Jews did of old) have poisoned those Wells; and that all their operation proceeds either from Jesuites powder, or phanatical Quicksilver.

Return therefore to your good old Customes: Let us enjoy your Company, and take you the usual divertisements of undisturbed Society, so shall wee suspend our Complaints, and you bee better gratified by continuing a Converse with