The Distressed VVelsh-man, Born in Trinity-Lane.
With a relation of his Travels, being altogether Unfortunate. By Hugh Crumpton [...]
Printed for W, Thackeray, at the Angel in Duck-lane, 1688.
The Distressed Welshman.
IF any ask her what her am,
her is a Shentleman,
If you will not believe her, then
go into
Trinity Lane:
For there her was born and bred,
and afterwards begotten,
And there her hopes to lay her head
when all her bones are rotten.
All you good people that intend
to recreate your mind,
Read o're this story to the
[...]nd,
peruse these simple Lines.
Upon a time it chanced so
that
Taffie did decree
To leave her Country for to go
to seek her destiny.
Now her prepares for her depart,
and bids them all farewell,
Her goes away with all her heart,
this shourney likes her well:
Was travel up to
London town,
to see the City brave,
Her in the streets walks up and down,
what thinks her was a slave?
No, her hath money in her poke,
although her friends are small,
Nay, more than this, her hath a cloak
to cover her withal.
And as her walkt along the street,
the City for to see,
A sheating quean doth
Taffy meet,
and robs him craftily.
Now he perceives when she was gone
his mony all was lost,
And after her in haste did run,
it is no time to boast.
But all in vain, for she's too swift,
she leaveth him behind:
Now he to study some new shift,
applies his angry mind:
Now her laments her evil fate
and bitter destiny,
For her is left to such a state,
her knows not where to lye.
Cots plutter-a-nails he then replies,
her knows not what to do:
For her hath seen her better daies,
and bid them all adieu.
Her dotn lament and weep for grief,
at her unhappy loss,
Her seeks about for some relief,
but all in vain it was:
At length her came into a shop
where Meat was to be sold,
He sits him down, begins to knock,
the Knave was somewhat bold.
Her doth begin and thus doth say,
her was a shen
[...]leman,
Her time was short nor cannot stay,
for her must soon be gone,
Her business at the Court remains
her thither must retire,
Or else her loses all her gains,
O her was not a Lyer.
And then his Hostess all in haste,
brought to him riches store,
And he by turn on each doth taste,
there is no need of more.
In little time he doth suffice
his hunger that was great,
And from the table he doth rise,
leaving but little Meat:
And then he calls a little Boy,
thus unto him he said,
I give thee this, stay here while I
go see the Reckoning paid.
The boy more greedy of his gift
than of his Masters gain,
To eat all he makes great shift
while
Taffy runs amain.
This being done, mark one thing more,
now he hath made escape,
He calls to mind the day be
[...]ore
her lost her whole Estate:
Therefore her walks the streets along
to see if there were any
That could redress poor
Taffy's wrong,
or help him to his money:
And as he walkt he met the quean
that pickt his poke before▪
Was coming to him once again
to see if there were more.
When
Taffy saw he knew her face,
and runs to her with speed:
But was done to his dis disgrace,
as you'l hereafter read.
Cots plutter-a-nails, this is the Thief
did steal her money from her,
And robb'd her of all her relief,
now her doth seize upon her.
This made the Welshman for to smile,
though he her self did know,
Before this bout a little while
[...]er served her Hostess so.
This Cheat for fear of future wrong,
did to the people say,
He rob'd me as I went along,
a
[...]d so her run away:
The people hearing her report,
Taffy away they hawl
Into the Sessions-house Court
to plead before them all:
And as they drag'd him through the street,
although his case was poor,
It chan
[...]ed so that he did meet
the Cook he rob'd before.
Now
Taffy must endure the heat,
before the Judge he's brought:
The Cook indicts him for his Meat,
the woman for his fault:
Now
Taffy knowing what was done,
nothing at all did say,
But at the last to speak begun,
was rob'd the other day.
Her sheating trot was pick her poke,
and robbed her by craft,
Then her was forc'd to pawn her Cloak,
none other help was left:
And the
[...] her self doth wander to
a Victualling-house with speed:
Was call for meat was tell to you,
her hunger for to feed:
When her was come into the House,
her Hostess brought good store,
And her doth taste of every dish,
while her could eat no more.
Now her was going for to pay
for what her self did eat,
And as her lookt another way,
her spies▪ me this shame sheat.
Then her pursu
[...]d her while at last
was catch'd her by the arm;
And she turn'd back, catch'd me as fast,
I had the greater harm.
The Justice hearing all was done,
and that they did abuse him,
In order calls them one by one,
so kindly he did use him:
But
Taffy's tongue could not refrain
was tell her all her mind;
He often cries, was ugly quean,
Cots-plut will beat her blind.
'Twill not prevail, 'tis all in vain,
Taffy must surely dye,
It was not time to speak again,
great was his villany.
Now
Taffy knows not what to do,
to dye Sentence is given;
Will her believe? was tell her true,
was sure to go to Heaven.
These words did please the people well,
they all were bent to Laughter,
But mark what unto her befel,
the worst of all comes after;
Just like an Image
Taffy stands,
and dares not move at all,
But at the last he wrings his ha
[...]ds,
and on his knees did fall;
Was pray her Justice, Jesus sake,
not j
[...]dge her to be hanged,
Some other sorrows let her take,
her fears not to be banged:
The Justice then to him replies,
[...]hou shalt not hanged be;
Co splut and ones, the
Welshman cry'd.
gr
[...]at thanks was given to thee.
but the Justice speaking on
did much increase her sorrow,
Thy hand shall burned be a
[...]on,
yea, almost burned thorow.
This liked not the
Welshman well,
yet her had rather bide
To see the Suburbs of black
Hell,
than in the town to ride.
Hold up thy hand the hangman said
where I shall thee appoint;
This made poor
Taffie sore afraid
was wish 'twas out of joint.
The hangman then to him did say,
when I the Iron bring,
Hold thy head another way,
say thrice
God save the King.
The hangman he ma
[...]es no delay,
but quic
[...]ly clapt it too,
God save; plut was hot her says,
was almost burned through.
The people all did laugh ou
[...]right
while he did weep as fast,
The hangman put him to a fright,
says all his grief's not past.
He tells him he must burn once more
because he did not sing
As he had taught him once before,
three times
God save the King.
Cots-p
[...]ut and ones, was make her cry,
Cot bless her burning arm;
Excuse her to her Majesty
when her hath all the harm.
This being done, the Justice frees
poor
Caffy by the Law;
But yet alas was pay her Fees,
or all's not worth a straw.
This one thing grieves her most at last
than all was done before;
Her is not yet gone clearly past,
for there is one thing more.
The Keeper asks him for his Fees,
which vext the Welshman sore,
Her has no score for ought her knew
was pay her all before.
Was ask her now for Keepers Fees,
her had no chink at all,
Her may not buy no Leeks nor Sheese,
her substance is so small;
Was pray her Keeper op
[...]n door,
as her may truly swear,
As her was never there before,
will never more come there.
The Keeper hearing what he said
was moved unto laughter,
Poor
Taffy he no longer staid,
take heed (quoth he) hereafter.
Now he hath 'scap'd the Keepers claws,
and hath his freedom won;
His mind is bent to learn the Laws,
and now her hath begun:
Forthwith to the Court he goes with speed
a Lawyers Clark to be,
Yet he could neither write nor read,
O the more is the pity.
Now her was asked what her were,
her was a Shentleman,
And her hath suffer'd many a loss,
thus her complaint began:
But her will rather bide the pain
a Lawyers man to be,
Before her will return again
into her own Country.
Although you know your calling ill,
yet her delights to live
A Servant to your pleasures will,
if her will her believe,
Her never lov'd her bones should work
at any toilsome trade,
But her likes best to be a Clark,
mark well what her hath said:
His Master ask'd him if he had
learn'd Latin Books, or Greek,
What think her was a man was mad,
was think her cannot speak:
Was learn'd her A B C 3 times o're,
before her had a Primmer;
And now her had no need of more,
her has enough within her.
Now they did ask if her could read
a Lawyers written scrole,
Now
Taffy has nothing to plead,
he cannot read at all:
Kind Reader judge, is this thing true
which
Taffy hath decreed,
He swears he'l write as well as you
though he could never read.
It was decreed for
Taffy then
to learn his book apace,
And next day to return again
into the self-same place;
Next day betimes to the place he goes,
from whence he did proceed.
What he hath learned no man knows,
he tells them he can read:
He meets his Master in the Hall
was tell her what was do,
Was write,
God bless us, on a wall
and her was read it true.
The people then did laugh at him,
was thought her was in Heaven,
Because to read her did begin
the sentence that was written.
God bless me then forthwith he said,
which when the people heard,
Said
Taffy you have falsly pray'd
as by your words appear'd:
Her was not wrong, was tell untrue,
was sure was no mistake,
Pray for her self and not for you,
lest God should her forsake.
'Twas wisely done as I may say
of such a fool as he,
And he must write all the next day
to gain a Lawyers Fee;
Her takes her seat, was bravely plac'd,
the Pen and Ink doth take,
A pattern was before his face
like to like he must make.
And as it happened there did see
his true copy before him,
An Apes Picture was hanging by,
and
Taffy did adore him.
Now
Taffy thought that was the rule
that he was for to follow,
Behold the wisdom of a Fool
goes far beyond
Appollo:
He makes a form, as I was told.
would make a man to tremble,
And if that I may be so bold
it did himself resemble.
Cors-plut was Picture fine and brave,
was like her passing well.
Her picture to her Master gave,
see what to him befel:
Sir rah, I told thee thou shouldst make
what was before thee written;
Therefore thou must for thy mistake
with many stripes be beaten;
Co
[...]s plutter-a-nails, will serve her so?
will stay with her no longer,
To seek her Fortune her will go
and her away will wander.
Now
Taffy tells me he hath Land
was left to her in
Wales,
And her I possess it out of hand
because her fortune fails;
But then the Master tells him he
would beg his whole Estate,
Because of his simpicitly
a wis
[...]r man should ha't.
But now her sees there is no cause
why her should lose her Land,
For h
[...]r hath learn'd the English Laws,
her wears it in her hand.
Now
Taffy tells them that before
her dearly bought her Learning,
Such pain was make her cry and roar,
whilst her poor hand was burning;
But all in vain it will not do,
they threaten his Estate,
Then he replies the Tevil take you,
such Rogues shall never ha't.
Her Father wise, got her a fool,
as you report of me,
Why may not her with her long tool
beget as wise as he?
Her will not lose her own Estate,
indeed was tell her true,
Was sure her has a wiser pate
than give it unto you:
His words prevail against his Foes,
his Land shall not be given
To any that do him oppose.
O then her is in Heaven;
But now her knows not where to go,
nor whither to betake her;
Her has no Friends as her do know,
all people did forsake her;
Though her has Land and Money store,
yet her has no possession,
Therefore in
England her is poor,
that is her own confession.
Now her was go through thick and thin
to seek her better fate,
New course of Life her doth begin,
the old is out of date;
O her was hungry, cold and dry,
her knows no friends at all,
A Victualling-house her did espy,
I, but her wealth is small;
Was enter in as her may say,
to seek for some relief,
Her sits her down and there did stay,
next day her prov'd a Theif.
Was ask her Hostess then indeed
if her had any Meat;
Her Hostess brought her out with speed
Calfes-head and heels to eat;
Was leave her heels and eat her head,
as her hath truly sworn;
Will eat no more, but go to bed,
and take her heels i'th' morn.
The morn was come the heels was brought
Taffy did kindly take them,
He gives his hostess not a Groat,
and so he doth forsake them.
Now
Taffy left them, and is fled,
but cannot hold his bragging;
But mark how after
Taffy sped,
his tongue must still be wagging.
They apprehend his person then
and to the Justice bring him,
And in the street before all men
into a Prison fling him;
'Twill not repay his Villany,
they put him in the Stocks,
From thence into the Pillory
with many lusty knocks:
Nay, more than this, the Welshman shall
(as it shall soon appear)
Suffer a Loss before them all,
the
Cook must have his ear;
Be Cot her stay, her shall not cut
her ear from off her head,
But if so be her must have it,
shall be when her is dead.
But this is vain, it will not serve,
the hangman ta
[...]e it
[...]ff,
And bravely he his flesh doth carve,
whilst all the people laugh.
This vexed
Taffy to the heart,
will not appeased be,
His Ear-root doth so much smart,
fills her with misery.
The hangman he then presently
did shake the new-cut ear,
And
Taffy fell into as wound,
to see her blood lye there.
They brought him water strong and small
to bring his life again,
He rises up before them all,
O
Taffy was not slain;
And then he goes out of the crew,
for so he thought it best,
Was Pox and Tevil both take you,
and so away he past;
Now
Taffy in the
[...]ield doth pass
to rid him out of danger,
But the poor man was here (ala
[...])
abused by a stranger.
Then to common Butts he goes
to see the Archers aim,
And one of them shot him in the Nose,
was almost split in twain;
And now the Arrow there doth stay
while
Taffy out doth take it,
If her shoot her here again I say,
Cots-plutter-a-nails will break it,
He kindly gives the Arrow back
unto the man that shot it;
And thus poor
Taffy goes to wrack,
but he hath not forgot it;
The Archers knowing what he was
could not refrain from laughter,
But
Taffy I would thee advise,
take heed of them hereafter:
Well; 'tis no time for him to stay,
for he doth victuals need;
He seeks for victuals by the way,
his hunger for to feed.
At length he sees a bed of
Leeks,
as he was passing by,
And how to steal them out he seeks,
to study policy.
Now
Taffy boldly enters in
the the thick and thorny Hedge,
The which did re
[...]d and tear his Skin,
was almost break her Legs:
Now
Taffy is in, the good mans Dog
comes running for to bite him,
He lies as still as any Hog.
was ready
[...] besh — him.
The Dog did bite him by the breeks,
and rend his Coat in twain;
Instead of pulling up more Leeks
he lays them down again:
And as it chanced
Taffy had
within his poke a Knife;
And presently he drew the blade,
and rob'd the Dog of's life.
Then out the good man comes in haste,
hearing the Dog to cry,
And down knockt
Taffy at the last,
he on the ground doth lye.
The good man askt him who he was,
and how that he came thither;
Her saith was frighted by a Bear,
and so was forced thither:
The old man did search his breeks
his Villany to know,
There he espied a bunch of Leeks,
and would not let him go.
Now he must to the Justice go,
and there he must be try'd,
All which was to increase his woe,
which he could not abide:
He must indure the rigid Laws,
as he had done before,
Must lose his ears now for this cause,
to pay the Garderners score.
O this was grieve her to the heart,
and puts her in a fear,
Now her must feel another smart,
to lose her other ear.
The Hangman looks for
Taffy's ear,
which was cut off before,
But he could never find it there,
which vext the Hangman sore.
I prithee friend, the Hangman cries,
tell me where I may find it,
For by no means I can devise,
mine eyes are so much blinded.
Cots-plut was Rogue the Welshman said,
her think it is no reason,
Her should find ears upon her head
for every time and season.
Did not her give, mark what I say,
one of her ears before,
Therefore the Hangman now must stay;
was like to have no more.
[...] all the people standing there
[...] his accuser pray,
He should not take this other ear,
but let him pass away:
Forthwith they free him out of hand,
and gave him charge that he
Should soon depart out of the Land
into her own Countrey.
But her resolv'd to stey a while,
to seek her better luck,
Though Fortune did her oft beguile,
will have the other pluck:
Now as for Silver her has none,
was forc'd to play the Begger,
Her to the people makes great moan,
it is no time to swagger,
Her to the people did consent
to give him some relief,
Their pence a piece on him they spent,
though he was but a Thief.
Now
Taffy thanks the people kind,
God bless her night and day,
Her bears this kindness in her mind,
and so her went away.
O her was glad with all her heart,
had money at her will;
Now her will learn her such an Art,
that her will keep it still;
No sheating whore shall pick her poke,
her warrant her will save it,
Was wrap it up within her Cloak,
none but her self shall have it.
Well 'twas her chance the other night
to fall out with a Carter;
The next day he must with him fight,
now mark what follows after:
When his blood is hot, he doth consent
to meet her the next day;
The lusty Carter now is bent
at Cudgels for to play:
The day was come, the Carter stands
just at the place appointed,
But
Taffy he was hurt her hands,
and they must be anointed.
Nay, more than this, his leg is hurt,
can neither stand nor go:
Indeed it is a famous Art,
and you the reason know.
But afterwards they to him told
that one to him was come,
And in his poke had brought him Gold,
O then her legs could run:
Then to receive it he did haste,
was glad with all her heart,
And kindly he his friend embrac'd;
and loath he was to part.
O her laments unto her friend,
and tells her evil fortune,
But if you read unto the end,
you'll hear of their departing.
They walk together up and down,
to tell each others mind,
His friend gave to him half a Crown,
there's twelve pence more behind:
It is agreed betwixt them both,
that they should spend the shilling,
Then
Taffy swears a binding Oath,
that he was not unwilling.
It is agreed that they should dine
both at a House together,
They quickly call for bread and wine,
as soon as they came thither.
Each others Health doth now go round,
for they are void of care,
The Wine did
Taffy quite confound,
for he hath drank his share.
Some words between these friends past,
about their noble blood,
Then up starts
Taffy all in haste,
his friend had crost his mood.
Cots-plut you Rogue, was hold her tongue,
or her was crack her Crown,
Will make her pay for all her wrong,
and then he knockt him down.
This being done, the people came
the reason for to know,
They thought the
Welshman had been slain
but it was nothing so.
His head was broke, as I may say,
which to the heart did grieve him,
It was not well the other day,
if that you will believe him.
Now
Taffy knows not what to do,
but he pays it off with thinking,
It grieves him now I tell you true,
to loose his friend by drinking.
Well, by the Law it is agreed
that
Taffy must restore
Full three and four-pence for the deed,
to pay the bloody score.
He pays it then with all his heart,
was glad he escaped so,
And he seeks for to depart,
but e're he must go,
His Landlord then to him did say,
pay what thou owest me,
For there is twenty pence to pay,
which I expect of thee.
Cots-plut, was tell her what was do
as her may clear the score.
Was break her head her tell to you,
and give her five Groats more;
For her has broke her Brothers head,
and un
[...]o her hath given
Full three and fourpence for the deed,
'twixt nine groats and eleven.
Then hereupon away he goes,
he leaves the score to pay,
But where he is there's no man knows,
for he is fled away.
Now
Taffy's silver all is gone,
there's not a penny left,
And now he travels all alone,
to seek another shift:
Into a tavern then he goes,
to be a Servant there,
Because Canary
Taffy knows
is better than small beer.
It was agreed for him to go,
a Drawer for to be,
No wages unto him they give,
because he was not free.
Now he is willing for to serve
at any poor condition,
That he might not with hunger starvè,
was glad of that profession.
Yet he is subject unto jeers,
and flouts as I suppose,
Sometimes they tell him of his ears,
and then his cloven nose.
But
Taffy now I would advise
to bear with him all crosses,
Let him be silent and be wise,
for fear of greater losses.
The next day being
Sunday, he
must go into the temple,
To hear
English Divinity,
but he is an ill example.
He takes his place, and it is nigh
unto the Preachers feet:
In little time that he did lye,
he fell fast in a sleep.
The Wine did work in
Taffy's head
and that was all the reason,
So
Taffy lies as one that's dead,
'twas for a little season.
Awake, awake the Preacher said
unto the people all,
And then poor
Taffy was afraid
some body did him call.
By and by, the Welshman cries,
did on a sudden start,
And now he wipes his sleepy eyes,
let slip a mighty f—
The people hearing
Taffy's voice,
did at it greatly wonder,
But others they did think the Skye
was almost split asunder.
Now
Taffy to resolve the doubt,
ariseth from the ground,
And when they saw his cloven snout
they knew it was
Taffy's sound.
Therefore it was the peoples mind
to drive him out of town,
Each man doth prove to him unkind,
the first man knocks him down.
The boys and girls run after him,
all people doth him chase,
Through the River he must swim,
was in a piteous case.
But
Taffy wish'd himself in Hell,
for her was sore offended;
And now I wish the Reader well:
for so my story's ended.
Finis.