The Crafty MISS, Or, An Excise-man well fitted.
Being a true Relation of an Excise-man who lately in the County of Kent, had received the sum of fourscore pounds, and lighting into the Company of a Crafty Miss who gave him the Chouse for it all; and riding away with his Gelding, left in the stead a Mare which she had stole; for which Mare he was arraigned, and narrowly escaped the severe penalty of the Law: which may be a sufficient warning to all Excisemen far and near, to amend their lives, to hate a Miss, and love their Wives.
To the Tune of, Moggies Jealousie.
THere was an Excise-man so fine,
rode into the County of Kent,
And there he received much Coyn,
for that very business he went:
He met with a jolly brave Miss.
her beauty was fair to behold,
But she gave him a judas kiss,
and shew'd him a trick for his Gold.
She rod on a bonny brave Mare,
he rid on a Gelding also,
He whisper'd a word in her ear.
straight way to an Inn they did go
He was of a pretty Condition,
he call'd her the joy of his life,
And then without any suspition,
they passed for Husband and Wife.
They set up the Mare and the Gelding,
and call'd for a Supper with speed,
Their Wine it was plentily fill'd in,
and lovingly then they agreed:
O then they were heartily merry,
their joys did begin to abound,
They drank up full brimmers of sherry
and the Glass it went merrily round,
He had not the sight of his folly,
fond love had so blinded his eyes,
O then he was heartily jolly,
he thought he had gotten a prize,
Then whilst they most lovingly greeted,
he thought he was certainly bless,
But ne'r was Excise-man so Cheated,
O now comes the Cream of the jest.
He pull'd out a Purse full of Gold,
which he had receiv'd for Excise,
And said to his Landlord, behold,
keep this till next morning we rise;
His Miss she did call him her Honey,
and straight to embracing they fall,
But her mind still run on the money,
to give him the Chouse for it all
And while he was snoring and sleeping,
she thought it no time to delay.
But giving the Landlord a Meeting▪
O thus unto him she did say:
My husband he has not the power,
to rise although it be day,
Yet he hath appointed an hour
to pay all this money away.
The time doth begin to expire,
then prithee now sadle his Steed,
And Landlord I do you desire,
to fetch me the Money with speed:
The Inn-keeper he did believe it,
and fetch her the fourscore pound,
And she was as glad to receive it,
she neither spar'd Horse-flesh nor ground
But when the Excise-man did waken,
and found that his Miss she was fled,
And seeing himself thus forsaken,
whils he had been sleeping a Bed,
O then how he rapped and thounder'd,
he was in a Cholerick heat;
His Pockets was pilleg'd and plunder'd
he found he had met with a Cheat.
The Landlord the Chamber did enter,
and bowing himself to the ground,
Sir have you forgot where you sent her
to pay in the fourscore pound?
The Landlord no sooner had said it,
but then he was daunted straightway
But yet for the sake of his Credit,
O never a word he would say.
But then he was fretting and petting.
he had ne'r a penny of Cole,
His Miss rid away with the Gelding,
and left him a Mare she had stole:
For which they did soon apprehend him,
in sorrow he then did complain,
For they to a Prison did send him,
where he did till Sizes remain.
And there he was raign'd at the Bar,
besides all the Money he lost.
O now you Excise-men beware,
you see in your Courting you're crost
The Bill it had like to been found,
because he had called for his Wife▪
Is cost him many a pound,
and had like to had
[...] cost him his life.
This was in Rochester City,
the truth you may certainly find,
The people afforded no pitty,
but said he was serv'd in his kind:
But now the Excise-man is sorry
that ever he met with this Iade,
For sure she had learned her Iurry,
she lackt but a stock to her Trade
FINIS.