THE CONFESSION, PROFESSION And CONVERSION Of an Honourable and Most Worthy Young GENTLEWOMAN, who was Wonderfully Zealous in the Roman Religion for a long time.
So he carried me away in the spirit into the wilderness: and I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet-coloured Beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads, and ten horns.
vers. 4. And the woman was arayed in purple, and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stone and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand, full of the abominations and filthiness of her furnication.
London, Printed for Brabazon Aylmer, Anno DOM. 1684.
The Confession, Profession, and Conversion of an Honourrble and most Worthy Young Gentle-Woman, who was Wonderfull Zealous in the Roman Religion for a long time.
I Have changed no good thing which ever I had before, but rather that which I had in appearance before, I Laboured to have it in truth, Now I believe still the Articles of the Creed, I take the Ten Commandments for the Rule of my Belief, and the Lords Prayer for the rule of my Prayer: I believe that I and others are miserable Sinners in our selves; I believe to be saved by the death of Jesus Christ, and no other way: I believe that true faith must bring forth the Fruit of Repentance and Ammendiment of Life and that every faithful Person, must studie to good works, and to grow in the Love of GOD, and of their Neighbours, or else their Faith is but dead and counterfeit, and will do them no good, I believe the Scriptures of Old and New Testament, to be the Word of GOD, and whatsoever I find agreeable thereto, I keep it still, and purposes by GODS Grace to keep it while I live.
The Change which I have made neithe [...] [Page 4] I nor any Creature in the World hath made it in me: First, I strove against that thing all that I could, till the LORD let me know that Himself was dealing with me, and now that the LORD hath made this Work in me from the beginning, albeit I could never mark it till of late, all my time, I had a Love unto the Truth; and an earnest Desire to know how I should serve God, as they (who hath known me from my B [...]i [...] Age) may remember: According to my knowledge I preased to do that which I thought would please GOD. I desired above all things to be Upright. I durst not for my Life follow that Course which I thought was wrong, but aimed to make Conscience of my wayes, according to my weak knowledge, as I ever had a special Love to all them to whom I was bound in Nature, and yet hath, and that more stedfastly now settled then ever: So also I ever liked well of them who loved God, and lived well whatever Profession they were of, and so I purpose to do still being assured that he will shew Mercy to all them who desires to please Him, and in his own time will make his will manifest to all them who desires to know it.
This now I know well was the beginning [Page 5] of the Lords work with me; The love that I had to GODS service, and the desire I had to be saved, made me peece and peece to sea [...]ch out the gr [...]onds of Religion, which I now Profess, and when other means failed me, I set my self by reading of Books to come to the knowledg thereof, this was counted Curiositie in me, and because I found my self bound to take pains, to know how my Soul should be saved, I choosed rather to be unjustly called Curious nor to be in effect ignorant, and carless of my own Salvation: And I could not see, neither can I see yet what any should care for to know rather then the grounds of their own Salvation, and I could not see any better choose therefore I held on and wearied not: Yea it became my Pleasure above all things in the Earth to know and to do that whereby I might be be furthered unto Heaven, So that I could have been content, (if GOD had thought it fit) to have renounced all the Honour and the Pleasure of the World for time and occasion to use all the means, which I thought then might have brought me to Heaven, and had purposes and designes in my Mind; Which the GOD of Heaven hindred in Mercy, to my good, because he saw they did not serve for that [Page 6] end, as now I am perswaded:) But whe [...] I got the understanding of the Grounds [...] Religion, which I professed, which eve [...] my Teachers counted sufficient, I coul [...] find no true Comfort, that either I or an [...] like me could find either in Life or Death [...] For all my Life I might not seek assuranc [...] of my Sa [...]vation, for that was usually calle [...] Protestants Presumption; whereas the Apostl [...] enjoyneth us to make our Calling and Elect [...] on sure, and give all diligence thereto, 2 Pete [...] 1. 10.
And at my death I could see nothing bu [...] Purgatorie, a fire as hot as Hell, as great to [...] ment in it (as they said to me) as i [...] Hell, there they made me true any Sou [...] should go to wine out again, I wist no [...] when: This held me in a secret Fear co [...] tinually; Yea, Hell it self I saw not how [...] should escap, if I behoved to come so nea [...] hand to it, and wondered then, and wonders yet, how any man that looks for Pu [...] gatory at their death, can either have Tru [...] Peace in their Mind, or Comfort and Peac [...] in their Heart in this World: I am sur [...] they must either take it for a Fiction, as [...] is, or else forget themselves when they a [...] Cheerfull, yet for all this I continued sti [...] in the obedience of their injunctions, an [...] [Page 7] keeped them as Carefully as they had [...]en GOD 'S own Commandements, [...] the mean time I would gladly [...]d a Reason for that which I did, and [...]d a Warrand to assure me, that GOD [...]ould be pleased by my so doing, but I [...]uld find nothing but Mens words for all. [...]hen I was resolved by them that gave out [...]emselves for Teachers, that either I be [...]oved to rest content to Believe as the Kirk [...]lieved, or else I would get no other Satis [...]ction: I thought upon this from time [...] time, at last I saw there was no sure [...]round to lean upon, except I would have [...]ntented my self, that the Clergie had [...]nowledge, albeit I had none that they un [...]erstood what they Believed, albeit I knew [...]ot; That they saw albeit I was Blind, [...]at they knew the way to Heaven albeit I [...]new not sure whither I was going to Heaven [...]r to Hell, or yet to Purgatory, when I fol [...]wed their directions, but this Blind obedience [...]ight well please them, yet could never [...]ive me contentment: Yet I preceived [...]urder that to Believe as the Kirk Believed and [...]o doe as they directed, without any furder Warrant could yeeld me no Quiet Peace, [...]xcept they could show me, that GOD would be as well pleased with my Obedience [Page 8] to the Pope and his Clergies command, as [...] CHRIST and his Apostles command, a [...] would never quarrel the one more nor th [...] other at the Day of Judgement, all the [...] questiones riseing in my Mind, and th [...] slight Satisfaction I got, when I asked the [...] put me (I must confess) into man thoughts of Heart; yet for all this so precise was I, that I did keep me from to reading of Protestant bookes, neither would I e [...] hear any such thing, nor yet en [...] into conference in maters of controversie w [...] any of them, especially their Ministers [...] long as I could: And when I save no ou [...] gate, many a time was I forced to lay as [...] my Beads and my Books, and took me [...] to Pray to GOD himself, as I could, for CHRIS [...] sake to help me, and to have Mercy [...] me, and to Teach me, how to doe [...] Will; from time to time, moe and m [...] doubts arose in my Mind, about sund [...] points of my profession, but I strove agai [...] them, not to let them enter; Being loa [...] to change my Religion as long as I cou [...] stick by it, ever so far resisting that I wou [...] never suffer the Truth to have pla [...] with me, so long as I could hold it ou [...] The LORD forgive me, for I did it ignoran [...] ly.
Notwithstanding of my Unthankfulness to GOD, it pleased his Goodness so to bear in his Light; and his Truth upon me, that I was forced so to acknowledge the Truth and Leave the Errour, wherefore I may well Touch some, I cannot tell them all.
First, I resolved never neither to believe Priest nor Minister: but so farr as I understood their Warrand out of GODS word; if any thing could please GOD; I thought it should be Obedience to his own Direction: He might well quarrel Mens doctrines, that held not his word for their warrant, he would never quarrel his own word, then I resolved to read Rheimes new Testament, and the Protestants old Testament, till they set out one of their Expositions, for I knew well GOD would not be angrie that I should read his word, since all that is written in it pertaineth to my Soul, as well as other Folkes: I found it the pleasantest and sweetest book that ever I read in my life. Where there was one hard place, there was twenty plain and easier to be understood; I loved their cause the worse that held me from reading of it so long, I thought it was an ill token in them that they loved not the Scriptures, for if they had loved them they could not [Page 10] have spoken of them as they did, sayi [...] they are not perfect, they are not clear [...] plain, but obscure and ambignous and D [...] gerous to be read, and will breed heresies a [...] errours in them that read them, whic [...] cannot but skarr all that believe them [...] read the LORDS word.
I know well they are in the wrong [...] CHRIST and his Apostles who speak so [...] their writtings. They made me believ [...] the Pope, and the Roman Kirk, could no [...] err, but I preceived that that behoved [...] be wrong; it is a proud Word for sin [...] flesh to say, for the Apostle Peter was as goo [...] a Man as any Pope that ever was, and bet [...] er, yet he erred and might have erred further if GOD had not preserved him; since they leave the Scriptures, and go to Traditions they cannot but erre, I though [...] seeing they did speake of the Scripture a [...] they did, they both could and did erre.
Reading the Rhemes New Testament I found that young Children might read, and did read the Scriptures and that the Scripture could instruct a man to make a man perfect in that which concerns his Salvation, and that a man might be instructed to every good work by them, this I found contrare to that I was made understand before I fell, an other day upon the [Page 11] 1 of John. the 1 Chap. at the hinder end thereof, and the beginning of the second, There I saw there was no necessity of confessing of Sinnes to the Priest because that by confession to GOD, who is Faithfull to cleanse me from all sin, Men must get forgivness; and again no Advocat but Christ, when we fall in sin? And again, if any say they have no sin, they seduce themselves, and the truth of GOD is not in them, I thought this was a sore word against them, who say, they can fulfill the Law and live without sin, (and do more nor GOD commands) by works of Supererogation, as for the exception of mortal and venial sins, a light or hasty word behoved to be one of that sort, and I find in the 5 of Matth. in the same place which they alleadge for their venial sins be greater then other, yet any sin bringeth us under a curse, if God would deal in justice with us.
I lost conceits of their Legends, and lives of their Saints, wherein I found some abhorrable lies, namely in the Life of St Katherine of Sienna, where they alleadge, she laid too her mouth to Christs side, and drank her Sacrament, and there he interchanged hearts with her, taking out her heart and puting his own in place thereof, and that he came down from Heaven, and brought his Mother with St Peter and St. [Page 12] Paul and wedded ber with a Ring, which Ri [...] remained still on her finger. I lost conceit [...] their form of prayer, and their oft repeating over and over again the same words while their Beeds were ended and of their Invocation of Saints and Angels whereof their Books of controversie gave me no sure warrant, and I perceived that all the devotion they learned me stood in Words and Ceremonies, which now I am assured GOD careth not for, and I began to pray to God alone, and CHRIST JESUS, for any thing I stood in need of. I perceived that they gave more Vertue to the last five Canonized Saints then to Christ Jesus, and all his Apostles, for drawing a Soul out of Purgatorie so that I could not but suspect all their Meddells and and Reliques, and Agnus Dei, and thought it safest for me not to put trust in any of these Triffles, neither Crucifixes nor Crosses, which my fingers would not fold to.
From that time I saw no Warrants but their own sayings, but to trust only in the Living God that made me, and kept me, and so peece & peece the Lord took my heart and affection from all things, that I found no warrant for in Gods Word: And the more I read the Rhemes New Testament, I loved things that were good the better, and the errour the worse. In special, one place affrayed [Page 13] me, 1 Tim. 4. Where the forbidding of Marriage and Meats is made the mark of false Teachers, and of them that have the doctrine of devils. I did read the Annotations, where they told me of old Hereticks, who had that fault, but that satisfied me not when I saw that same fault among rhemselves whatever colours they put upon it, for all their Doubts and Questions howsoever I disliked many things, and was assured they were wrong in sundry, things yet I never renounced them, till I found my self mistaken in the matter of the Sacrament, the manner was this Reading the 7. 8. and 9. Chapters to the Heb. I found Cbap. 7. vers. 27▪ That Christ had no necessitie daily to offer Hostes for the sins of the People for that he did once in offering up of bimself; And again, verse 23, 24, 25. That the Priests under the Law were many, because by death they were hindred to continue, but Christ hath an everlasting Priesthood whereby he is able to save all them for ever, that go by himself to GOD, alwayes living to make Intercession for us: And again, Chap. 9. v. 24, 25. I found that Christ was entered into Heaven to appear now before GOD for us, not that he should offer Himself up often; For then it behoved him to have often suffered, since the beginning of the World; But now once in the end of the [Page 14] world hath he appeared to put away sin by the Sacrifice of himself, and as it is appointed▪ for men once to dye, and after that to judgement, so Christ was once offered to bear the sins of Men, and unto them that look for Him, shall he appear▪ the second time, without sin unto Salvation. How is this, thought I with my self, I perceived if this Scripture be true, no man can offer Christ but himself. There cannot be a Priest to offer Christ but himself, because, He is still living to make intercession for us.
CHRIST cannot be often offered but Once, neither is there any need, Because by once offering he hath taken away the sins of all; Yea it is made as impossible to be offered ofter then once, as to suffer ofter then once, yea the Apostles will not have ofter offering himself then once from his suffering to his second Comeing. Ou [...] of all doubt (thought I) the Apostles have never said the Mass, neither yet have knowen any that ever said it; and yet I knew well they had the LORDS Supper. Then well I thought if CHRIST be not offered in his Bodily Substance in the Mass there cannot be Transubstantiation in the Mass; my Teachers called me curious, but did give me no Answer to this, only they said to me, that it was a Dangerous thing for my [Page 15] Salvation to deny the holy Sacrifice of the Mass, because (said they) that Sacrifice [...]ook away the Sins of the People as well dead as living; I told them, that I had read [...]he contrare in the word of GOD that is in [...]he 9 Heb. Where it is said, in the 22. Verse, That there was no Remission of Sins [...]ithout shedding of blood, and in the Sa [...]rifice of the Mass, there is no Bloody Sa [...]rifice, therefore I told them; that who [...]ver Bel [...]eved them were wrong, and not [...]ell instructed by the word of GOD, which [...]as ay my speciall Defence against them all. They gave me no other resolution, but [...]ssured me, I would turn Heretick, and [...]hat I understood not what I read.
Another place put me in as great doubt again, 1 Cor. 10. 3, 4. There it is said, [...]hat the Fathers in the wilderness did eat the same Spiritual meat, and drink the same Spirituall Rock, for they drank the same Spiritual Rock, that followed them, and the Rock was Christ. Then I reasoned this way with my self; they made me believe, that Christ could not be eaten and drunken in the Sacrament as the Protestants do Spiritually by Faith; but behoved to be eaten as the Roman Kirk eats his very flesh and drinks his blood, taken in at the mouth Substantially: This place (thought I) [Page 16] will prove for the Protestants, and against the Roman Kirk, for when the People were [...] the Wilderness, Christ was not Incarna [...] and long after, how could they then [...] him (and drink his blood before he took, [...] Flesh and Blood except as the Protestants say▪
Again I thought how is this that [...] Rock is called Christ, I did read the Anotations I found nothing but it was a Figure.
If I took it Literally as the Roman K [...] doth take it, then the Rock was changed in [...] Christs substance, which could not be, for [...] was not yet Incarnat, and if it were taken [...] a Figure, then I thought the Protesta [...] would have the better in the matter of t [...] Sacrament, for they might well say, as [...] Rock is called Christ, so is the bread called [...] body; and as they drank of Christ when th [...] drank of the Rock so may they well say, th [...] drank of his blood, when they drank [...] his Cup, which is the Sacrament of his bloo [...] these doubts about the Sacrament affected [...] so, that I could not choose but send for Minister, (let any man judge if it was [...] time) I reasoned with him for transubstantiation out of the words of the LORD [...] Supper and out of John 6. He answere my doubts, and directed me by prayer [...] the assistance of GOD for Satisfaction, a [...] sureing [Page 17] that I would not get solide rest in that mater, till the LORD made his word livly and decided the question.
Within few days the LORD made the Mans word good, and made the Scriptures forcible and clear in the points which I doubted of and gave me such contentment, such assurance of his love, and of the true Religion, that all the earth would not have bred me such joy and solide peace.
Since that time I have found the true comfort of Religion beyond any thing that I can utter, I have now gotten the true comfort, and assurance in some measure, which I was long seeking. I have found the true ground to rest upon, GODS own Truth made livilie, I am free now (I thank GOD) from the fire of Purgatory I scorn that Fiction. Now with a glad heart I am assured that the LORD is Righteous, who will not exact twice payment of one debt, CHRISTS passion, and the Believers torment in a fire as hot as hell. The LORD is bountifull, who having provided a sufficient cantion for us that we might escape Torment, he cannot of his Goodness cut short the Cautioner to take amends of us and satisfie his wrath on us. The LORD is holy who cannot forgive our sins and punish [Page 18] them too? For I know well, what [...] forgiveth he punisheth not, and what he p [...] nisheth, he forgiveth not, which is th [...] common order of Equity. The LORD is Loving, who out of his love gave his So [...] to die for us his enemies, and cannot take pleasure to burn his Children after death for faults already pardoned, as Purgatory Fiction maketh them to doe; A man will think shame to forgive a fault, and then t [...] punish it; And you know that which a man thinketh shame of is no honour to GOD. The LORD help them who live in fear of this wicked Fiction: If the Pope and his Glergie keep the World in this fea [...] for the love they have to large Legacies; they have their own Judge to answer unto; GOD be praised who hath delivered me out of their errours. I renounce them trusting in GOD never to tast them as I have done, I know their errours over well, to love them again, I have found over great Mercy in the knowledge of the truth to turn back again Now I wish in my Soul that all honest hearted Catholicks as they call themselves, knew but the differences as well as I have felt them, I would put no doubt but every honest Man and Woman who love the truth, would forsake the Pope and follow [Page 19] the Word of GOD and CHRIST JESUS who shineth therein; To whom be glory for his goodness to me, for ever Amen.
1 Pet. 3. 15. Be ready alwayes to give an answer to every man that asketh you reason of the hope that is in you.
Rom. 8. 24. For as many as are led by the spirit of God they are the Sons of God. vers. 16. The same Spirit beareth witness with our Spirit that we are the Children of God. 17. If we be children, we are also heirs, even the Heirs of God, and Heirs annexed with Christ if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be Glorified with him.
2 Cor. 13. 5: Know ye not your ownselves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be Reprobates.
1 Cor. 2. 12. We have received the Spirit which is of God, that we might know the things that are given to us of God, be sayeth not to hope for them but to know them.
And in John 4. 13. Hereby know we that we dwell in him and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.
And Cap. 5. 19. We know that we are of God, and the whole World lyeth in wickedness.
Now he that hath the true knowledge [Page 20] that he hath this Spirit he may be assured that he hath the Son of God, and so in Christ, and thus out of condemnation, as the Apostle saith in the 1 v. of the cap. There is no condemnation for them that are in Christ Jesus: Yea, but all the doubt is, how shall we be assured that we have this Spirit which will and may be easily discerned by walking in the Spirit, and by savouring the things of the Spirit.