HAving had the fortune (honour I will not say) to be imployed in weighty affaires of the publick, between this my native King­dome of England, and the neighbour Kingdome of Scotland, and collecting from time to time with the greatest industry I could, the severall most materiall passages observable, during the time of my sad em­ployment, at last seeing no end of the case I under­tooke, I composed my selfe to a retired life and be­gan to reflect upon the Diary of my last five yeares action, which now seemes to me as one in a conti­nued trance, and often brings to my mind that of the Psalmist, Man walketh in a vaine shaddow, and disquieteth himselfe in vain. And now as the stop­ping of me in that Careere, was a signe of Gods spe­ciall favour unto me, so I now publish this rela­tion in testimony of my thankfulnesse and repen­tance.

First, for the Country I must confesse it is to good for those that possesse it, and too bad for those that will be at charge to conquer it; the ayre might be wholsome but for the stinking people that in­habit it,, [...]he ground might be made fruitfull, had [Page 2] they wit to measure it; their beasts are generally small, their weomen onely accepted, of which sort the world I thinke hath not greater; there is store of fowle, fowle houses, fowle linnen, fowle d [...]shes, and pots, fowle napkins and trenchers, fowle sheets and shirts, with which sort of fowle they have ben forced to fare as the children of Israel did with their fowle in the wildernesse. They have good store of fish, and good for them that can eate it raw; for if it but once come in their hands, it is presently worse then if it were three daies old; For their butter and cheese Il'e not medle with them at this time, nor no man else at any time that loves his life. They ha ve great store of Deare also, but so farre from the places I have seene, that I had rather beleeve it then go to disprove it: all the deare I meet withall, was deare Lodging, deare Horse meate, deare Tobacco, and English beere, as for fruit, for their Grandmo­ther Eves sake they never planted any, and for other trees had Christ beene betrayed in this land as doubtlesse he should have beene, had he come a stranger amongst them, Iudas had sooner found the grace of repentance then a tree to hang himself on. They have many H [...]lls wherein they say is much Treasure, but they have none of it; nature hath onely discovered to them some Mines of Coales to shew to what end she created them, I se little grasse but in pottage, & no flowers but such as (modesty forbids me to name) the Thistle was not given them for naught; for it is the fairest flower in the Garden: the word Hay is Heathen Greek to them, neither man nor beast knowes what it means, [Page 3] Corn is reasonable plentifull at this time for since they heard of the Kings coming, it ha [...]h beene as un­lawfull for the common people to eat Wheat, as it was in old time for any bu [...] Priests to eat Shewbread: they prayed much for his coming, and fasted longer for his welfare, all his followers was welcome but the Guard, those they said were like Ph [...]roes leane Kine, and threaten a dearth where they come: they would perswade Footmen that Oaten Cakes would make them long winded, and the Children of the Chappell they have brought to eate them for the maintenance of their voyces: they said our Cookes were too sawcy, and for Groomes and Coachmen they gave their hor­ses no worse then they might be content to eat them­selves: they commend the brave minds of Pentinors, and the Gentlemen of the Chamber, that chuse ra­ther to go to Tavernes, then to be alwayes eating of the Kings provisions; as likewise the Pages and Yeomen of the Buttery, for their retirednesse and silence, in that they will have 20 knackes, before they will an­swer one: they perswade the Trumpeters, that fasting is good for men of their quality; for emptinesse cau­seth wind, and wind maketh the Trumpet sound the bringing in of Harralds they thinke was a needlesse Charge, they all know their pedegres well enough, and the Harbingers might have been spared since they brought so many beds with them, and of two evils since the least is to be chosen, they wisht that the beds might be left with them, and the poore Harbingers do their Office as they returne. His hangings they desire may remai [...]e here as Relinques to put them in mind of his Majestie, and they pro­mised [Page 4] to despence with the wodden Images; but for his graven ones in his new beautified Chappel▪ they threaten to pull them down soone after his depar­ture, and make of them a burnt Off [...]ring, to appease the indignation; they conceive the Almighty bears them for suffering such Idolatry to enter into the Country: the Organs may sound because they say they have some affinity with Bagg-pipes, the Skiper that brought the singing men with [...]heir Papisticall vestiments, complaines that he hath been much troubled ever since with a singing in his head; for remedy whereof the Parson of the Parish hath perswaded him to sell that prophane vessell, and to destribute the mony among the frighted brethren; for his Majesties entertainment, he was received into the Parish of Edenburgh, for a City I cannot call it, with a great shout and cry, but no showes of charge; for Pagans they hold Idolatrous things, and not fit to be received in so reformed a place. From the Castle they gave him some Peeces of Ordnance which surely he gave them since he was King of England, and at th [...] entrance of the Towne the pre­sented him with a goulden Bason, which was carry­ed before him on mens shoulders to his palace, from whence I thinke it came. They protested if Christ came from heaven, he could not have beene much welcomer, which I beleeve. Since his Majesty came but to summon them to Parliament, and Christ would have summoned them to Judgment which they love not to heare of, he was conveyed by the Yorkers of the town, who w [...]re about 200 Halbert bearers, who will rue it in respect of the charge to the Cross [...], and so the high Church, where the onely Bell they had, stood on tiptoe to behold his faire fac [...], where I must entreate you to stay for an houre, I con­fesse [Page 5] I left him. To report the speeches made for his meaner enter­tainment would be to tedious for you▪ as the Sermon was for those that were constrained to indure it out. After the preachment he was conducted to his palace, which I forbeare to speak of, but it is a place sanctfied to his devine Majesty, onely I wish it had been well walled for my friends sakes that waited on him, to bring the Major back who all the while attended on his Maiesty, were to much to amplyfie my story, the gentlemen lodged 2 staires high, I will onely faithfully and briefly spake of the people, according to their degrees; For the Lords spituall they may be well so called, being neither fish nor flesh, but what it sh [...]ll please their earthly God the King to make them. Obe­dience they hold to be better then sacrifice, making a mocke of Mar­tyrdome, by saying Christ dyed for them, and not they for him: they will rather subscribe then surrender, or rather dispence with small things then trouble themselves with great imputations, they will ra­ther acknowledge the King to be their head, then want where-with to pomper their bodies: they have taken great pain [...]s and trouble [...] compasse their Bishopticks, and they will leave them for a trifle; For the Deacons whose desert will not advance them▪ all they study is to discharge them as have got the least degree before them. And be­cause they cannot write Bishop they proclaime they never heard of any in the Scriptures; they spake of Deacons and Elders, but not a word of Deacons and Bishops, their words are full of detraction, their Sermons nothing but rayling, and their conclusion [...] herresies and trea­sons, that religion they have I confesse is above my reach, and God willing I will never stretch for it; They Christen without the Crosse, and marry without a Ring, receive thk Sacrament without reverence, die without repentance, and bury without divine service. They keep no holy-daies nor acknowledge no Saint but St. Andrew, who say they got that hononr by presenting Christ with an eaten cake after his 40 daies fast. They say likewise that he that translated the English Bible was the son of some malter, because he spake of a miracle done by barley loaves, where [...]s theyle sware tw [...]s done by many thousands. They use no prayer at all, for they say it is needles, God knows their wants, without their pratling, what he doth h [...] doth freely, Sabbath daies exercise is a preaching in the forenoonc to heare the Law, and to the cragg & clifts in the afternoone to louze themselves; they hold their nose if you speak of a beare-baiting and stop their eares if you take of a play, fornic [...]tion they hold but a pastime wherin mens abili­ties are [Page] approved, and the fertility of a woman discovered; adultry they shake the head at, theft they raile at, murther wink at, and bl [...]sp [...]emy they laugh at, they thinke it impossible to loose the way to heaven if they can but leave Rome behind, to be opposite to the Pope is to be present with God, To conclude, I am verily perswaded if God and his Angels should come downe in white garments, they would [...]e aw [...]y and cry out the Children of the Chappel are come again, to meete us, let us fly from the abom [...]nation of th [...]se boyes, and hide us in the wil­derness [...] ▪ For the Lords temporall, and temporizing Lords and Gen­tlemen if I were apt to spea [...] of any I would not say much of them, onely I must tell them they are Scottishmen, for as soone as they fall from the breasts of the beasts their mother, their carefull Siers posts then away for France, where as they passe [...]he sea, sucks from them that which they suckt from their rude dames: there they gather new flesh, new bloud, new maners, there they learne to speak, to stand, to congie with weomen, and to complement with men, to put on their cloaths, and to returne them into the Country to ware them: they have spared no cost to honour the King, no com­plementall courtisie to welcome Country men▪ there followers are there fellow [...] ▪ their vvives their slaves, their horses their masters, and their svvords their Iudges▪ Therefore there are but few Lawyers, and those n [...]t rich: their Parliament holds but three dai [...]s, their Statutes 3 lives, and are determined in 3 words, the vvonders of the buttery are these, the Lord Chancellour is beloved, the Mr. of the Roules well spoken of, the vvhole Councell who are iudges in all causes free from suspition of corruption The Land though it be mountanous affords no mon­sters but VVeomen▪ of vvhich the Countesses and Ladies are [...]ept in Cages like our bore franks, through vvhich peeping sometimes to catch the ayre, vve are al­most frghted at the sight of them. The greatest madnes among the men is [...]o [...] ­ [...]ie, making such solicitous care to [...]eep th [...]t vvhich none have but 2 of their sen­ces vvould seeke to take [...]rom them. The Ladies are of opinion that Susanna could not be chast because she bathed often: pride is a thing breed in their bones and their flesh naturally abhorreth cleanlinesse, their breath commonly stinketh of pottage, their linn [...]n of pisse their hands of Pigs turds, their vvhole body of svveat and their splay feet ever offend, notvvithstanding th [...]ir stocks to be chained in marriage vvith one of them, vveare to be tied to a dead carcasse and cast into a stin [...]ing ditch. Fucus or a Darby frieze, are things that they d [...]eame not of, the Oyntments among them most frequent are brimstone and butter for the scald, and oyle of baies and stavesa [...]er for the lice, vvhich lately out of curiositie is but nevvly crept into the Kingdom, and I thinke vvill not long continue. I prefesse I had rather be the meanest minnion then the f [...]i [...]est Countesse I have yet seene or discovered. To dravv you dovvn from the Citisens vvife to the countrie common dames vve [...]e to bring you from Nevvgate to Bridevvell. The despised dames [...] Seacoale lane are things of immortall race, every on in Hounsditch that converse in raggs and maribones are Hellens to them, the greasie bauds in turnball-street are Gree [...] Dames in comparison of them. To conclude the vvoman of [...]ury in old time did out more vvonder that the great Messias should be born.