Themista & Euphorbus In a familiar Dialogue, plainly Discovering, and passionately Bemoning, the Exorbitances of the World in the Administration of JUSTICE.

Composed at first for a private Diversion, and now presented to the Worthy Maioralty within the Fa­mous and antient Burrough of TAVISTOCK, Devon; Newly Incorporated by His Maiesty's special Favour, and with the Assistance of the Honourable S r Iames Butler K t.

By PHILOPOLITES.

—facit indignatio versus. Hor.

LONDON, Printed for the Author, 1683.

[...]

To the VVorshipful the MAYOR, Together, with the Aldermen & their Assistants, within the Famous and Antient Burrough of TAVISTOCK, Devon.

THis will come too late to tell you how Acceptable this Infant Maioralty was in its very Em­brio to the Author himself. How much also he shared with you in the Common Entertainments (before it saw the Light) hath been known to many, but best Un­derstood (certainly most sensibly felt) by himself. But notwithstanding Envy and Might the Top-stone of the Structure is brought forth, let it be attended with Shoutings, and Cry, Grace, Grace, unto it, I mean, Thanks to God and the King.

There are yet Malevolents (like the Old Tobies) in a corner, Cursing, Deprecating and Scoffing in the Antient Dialect. If a Fox goe up, he shall even break down their Strong Wall. Neke. 4.3. Let these both Talk and Doe as they list. You may destroy it your selves: Your Enemies cannot injure it. So long as ye follow the Undoubted Rules and Dictates of Justice ye are safe, and this you have on the Word of God and Caesar both.

Had the Prize now in yours been lodged in the Hands of our Ancestors but a Centurie of Years agone, How glorious a Town, how happy a People had we been? The Government now obtained and possessed by you; by them, could only be wisht and long'd for. It was too great a Boon for them to expect, or their Sultans to allow. But what then seem'd im­possible, is now effected, by the Benignity of a Gracious Prince, and the Indefatigable Industry of a Noble Friend. God forbid, so great a Blessing in it self should become by Sinister Administrations an Evil to the place. That Justice should be turned into Wormwood. It's what your Enemies Maliciously expect, and your Friends as passionately pray against.

Nature (Gent.) hath done its part, and been not a little propitious to our Clyme, Cull'd it out as a Sub­ject, upon which she hath peculiarly doted beyond all places of this Western spot of Brittain: Blest us in the Transcendent Excellencies of all the Elements, aptly situated us for Trade: Inspir'd our Natives with such Mercurial Soules as have rendered them ca­pable of serving Princes in the very highest Capacities [Page]of Church and State, at Sea and Land, in War and Peace. What remains but that ye also in your Spheres should Worthyly Act your parts, and become the fairest Pattern in your Administrations for Posterity to Ob­serve and Imitate? If you fail in this, The World will swear, your Extraction is Forreign, and that you bear the Name only, not the Nature of the Antient TAVISTOKIANS.

Gent. I heartily wish your Prosperity, and on that account (having no better) have presented you with this Dialogue, not Sawcily to direct, but hum­bly to mind you. May it in the Initiation of your set­ting forth into a Turbulent Ocean prove a Lanthern to precaution you against the Rocks and Shelves that have been fatal to too many. And why should not this Infant-Muse and our Infant-Maioralty be good Company? Being born in the same place, Why may they not Breath together in the same Air, especially at Tavistock, where they speak Poesy as Naturally as they spit? Heavens Bless you all, and make you as good as your Government, So Prays

Your Fellow Native, and Humble SERVANT, Philopolites.
Tavist. Sep. 3d, 1682.

To my Book.

WELL, sith it is thy Lot, and that thou durst
Thus make a Sally, and Adventure first,
Leaving thy Brethren for a pause, to dwell
Within their Silent yet Securer Cell,
Heav'ns be thy speed. I know already some
Abhor thy Front, and do fore-bode thy Doom.
These, pincht with Guilt, in their unhallowed Ire
Could thee in Pieces tear, or damn to Fire:
Whil'st (guiltless) thou dost only Vices blame
And leav'st th' Offender uncomrould by Name.
Be not dismay'd, thou dost a Mistress serve
That is thy Patron, and will thee preserve,
(The blest Themista) who with Sword and Scale
Will give due merits unto Actions all.
"The Stars themselves, rather than Right shall fail,
"In their bright Sockets shall consume and quaile.
Heav'n will provide thee Friends in Court & City,
Which will thee lodge, and her extreamly pitty;
Embrace thy Leaves with candour, and declare,
How much that they concern'd for Justice are:
They'l mix their Prayers with her redundant tears,
Till this World moulder, and a new appears.

THEMISTA Explaining her self in a Soliloquie.

ALas! why hated thus? and why am I
So great a terrour to Humanity?
How can I be Injurious? who did find
Hard Measure from a Woman that is Blind?
I know nor Friend nor Foe. The Scales you view
Gives to each Person but what is his Due.
Nor is my Sex so curst, my Looks so wan
To be a Scare-Crow to an upright Man.
Mine Extract is not vile, I came from
Deus me­tuens, ne Uni­versa homi­num Commu­nitas interiet Pudorem jis dedit & Iusti­tiam ut essent Civitatum Vincula & Ornamenta Sinequibus ci­vilem S [...]cieta­ten [...] o [...]ju [...]cti­onem (que) dissi­pari Necesse fuit. Piat. in Prot.
Heav'n
And can do nothing but what's Just and even.
Princes adore me through the boundless World,
And oft their Crown have at my Foot-stool hurld;
Yea, to mine Honour as a Victim have
Themselves up given to the rav'nous Grave.
Great store of Orphans and of poor opprest
Their troubled mindes do at my Portals rest.
Armies of Martyrs and confessing Bands
Await to take their Garlands at mine Hands.
The Sword I bear is only to defend
The Innocent 'gainst such as wrongs intend,
Nor out my Scabbard shall I ev'r it draw,
But when I am invaded, or my Law.
If Tyrants seize me and perchance me wrest,
A gente ad gentem Trans­fertur regnum propter In­justitiam. Siracid.
To serve their turn and selfish Interest;
Lay not the blame (like fools) on me, for I
Shall soon avenge my wronged Sov'raignty,
Resume my Crown, and with undaunted might
Will in full specie, their effronts requite.
Themista
Ile goe to heauen again and there ile say
Lord hasten thy Long Look d for Iudgm t day
Euphorbus
O Heauns. forbid sholdest thou depart from hence
Ill men Wold haue their Wish, good Loose their sence

THEMISTA Ill at ease, is Visited by EƲPHORBƲS.

Euphorbus a Diuine,
MADAM! what ailes ye? I am sad to see
Your Ladyship in such an Agonie.
Wher's your Distemper? in what part doth lie
The great occasion of your Maladie?
Not many dayes agoe, how brisque you were?
I nev'r beheld a Bride much cheerfuller:
Now with dejected brows you 'front the ground chance?
Seem like one fallen in a fatal swound.
No Word, no Motion; Lord! whence is this
For Gods sake rouse, and do your self advance;
Impart your griefs, and if ought may be done
Within the compass of my Function,
None shall within the Universe you find
That to your comfort shall be more inclin'd.
With this she sighs and makes a doleful groan,
And to Euphorbus doth express her moan.
Themista, Justice.
Dear Sir! she said, I'm glad to see you here,
Your very presence doth my Vitals cheer.
'T'is not the least of mine affliction that
I've Unfrequented in this posture sate.
Heav'n lately sent me in abundant Love
From my blest Station in the World above,
To Yeild my service to an Earthly throng
That daily did complain of fraud and wrong.
And tho I'm come to do them lawful right,
Ther's none that cares to come within my sight;
As if I were a Spectrum, or some Ghost,
Which nev'r before arrived in their Coast.
The name of Justice doth extreamly make
The Hearts of Pcasant and of Prince to quake,
So that upon my Throne (neglected) I
Awaited them that did my presence fly.
I'le go to Heav'n again, and there I'le say,
Lord! hasten thy long-looked for Judgment day;
Take my Commission in thy Hands agen,
For thou art Judge of Angels and of Men.
Euphorbus.
Madam! I tremble at your hasty flight,
When Titan hides himself we'r cloath'd with night.
The World into its Chaos old would turn,
Justitia re­mora, nil aliud Sunt regna Ni si latrocinia Greg.
If you should leave us, and your work adjourn
Unto that fatal day. Both Devils and Men,
Like Rav'ning Lyons, soon would quit their Den
To Prey upon the Innocent:
Fiat Justitia aut percat Mundus. Coes-Ferd.
and who
Shall rescue them that are so weak, so few?
For their Sakes yet abide, and if there be
Malignants that oppose your Sov'raignty,
Expose them to the Light, within my Sphere
I shall without respect to Love or Fear,
Declare your Message in their stubborn Ear.
Themista.
I thank you Sir! you have in part allay'd
The heavy Burden on my Heart was laid.
But yet I doubt my labour will be vain,
My Foes have got the Throne and proudly reign,
They'l scorn my message, & your counsel sleight,
Perchance confound you with their raging might.
Euphorbus.
Madam! this shall not me at all deter,
From being your most Faithful Messenger.
Heav'ns promis'd aid, I never yet have mist
Since first I was ordain'd Evangelist;
They will afford me Tongue, and whet my words,
Which deeper shall them wound then Spears or Swords
My foreheads made of Brass, Ile flatter none
I'le face both Prince and Judge upon the Throne,
And if I fall in doing of my trust,
My Blood will not be smothered in the Dust.
Themista.
Bravely resolv'd, and if your courage hold,
I shall before your rev'rend Eyes unfold,
Who are the Miscreants, which do daily lay
A Thousand Scandals in my Duties way.
I'le first begin with one
A Self-lo­ving Judge.
Philautus who
(Oft taken for an honest Judge and true)
And on that only Supposition,
Hath for a season long possest the Throne.
But on a narrow search I did him find,
One that Immensly to Himself is kind,
Respects not me. He is a Corp'lent Beast,
One hugely pleased with a sumptuous Feast.
May he but Ryot and drink Wine in Bowles,
He'l slight all Humane Bodys, States and Soules.
He seemeth Pur-blind, but at times his Eye,
Will in a Pack of Hay a Needle 'spy.
On's still intensly fixt upon himself,
His gap'd for Honour and his Mounts of pels,
The other keepeth close, or open's wide,
As his own Interest doth best him guide.
He flatters great Men, but towards the Clown,
(Without regard to me) he casts a frown,
He pumps his Princes humour, and will strain
A Point in Law, his favour to obtain,
Wherein may he but have the hope to live,
He'l sriendly seem to the Prerogative,
And raise it higher than it was before,
Waving the Lawes, the Subjects, Wealth, or Gore.
This have I known, and hence it comes to pass,
Poor Men so oft becomes the Great Mans Asse
To bear their loads, till (fore opprest) she cast
Them all, and fall into the Mire at last.
Goe tell this Wretch in spight of Prince or Pope
He merits not a Scarlet Gown, but Rope:
For not their Honour nor their Weal he mindes,
(When thus the Faces of the Poor he grindes)
But his own Profit, which when he doth draw
Within the Clutches of his rav'nous Paw,
He hath his End. Then goes in holes to Quaff,
And at their Ruines all doth Jeer and Laugh.
If he won't hear you, but will disbelieve
This perfect Narrative that I do give:
If all consent with him, and therefore won't
This Horrid Caitiffe at their Bar effront,
I'le come my self, and will due Vengeance pay
Upon their Heads in an unlook'd for day.
My Name no longer shall become a shroud
To harm the Guiltless and secure the Proud.
Euphorbus.
In Rev'rence Madam! of your Sacred Name,
I shall the Message in their Ears proclaim,
Nor from its method Retrograde an ace,
Giving each accent its deserved Grace.
Tell who's the next Malignant that hath dar'd
To Clog your way and reg'lar course insnar'd.
Themista.
A Cove­tous One.
Philarguros I next must roundly blame,
For he hath oftentimes usurp'd my Name;
Whose Justice (if't to him I may ascribe)
Was ever midwif'd with a whisking Bribe.
This Oyl l'argent is what men most apply,
On's Chariot Wheels to make them swiftly fly,
Without the which, when on the Bench he sits,
He is Indifferent whether he miss or hits;
But leaves it to the Faithless Jury, to
Improve it for their Friend, or gainst their Foe.
Nor may you wonder such a Kennel are,
Of Jury-Men before my Rev'rend Bar.
Scenting the Prey; for where the Carion is
Eagles do gather in great Companies.
A Judge corrupt, soon makes a Jury so,
Like unto Like, the Proverb still doth goe.
Such Correspondence is betwixt them all,
That into varience they do seldom fall;
Nor i'st consistent with the Politicks,
That they should blab abroad each others tricks.
Philarguros his Hand receives anon
What's sacrific'd to his Devotion,
Which by a due Observance you may find,
Is still extended on his Breech behind,
Lest that his squeazy Opticks hap to be,
The Witness of his Cursed Briberie,
And that if call'd to Swear, upon good cause,
May say, I nev'r saw Bribe from that mans Paws.
This done, his Name is in a Table set,
And sure this Man he will not once forget.
His Eyes are piercing, and they quickly ken
His Benefactors from all other Men.
One thing material I must mention more,
So greedy is he after Yellow Oare;
That 'fore the Sun the Horizon forgo'th,
This Cormorant takes Fees of partys both.
Nor is't because his Mem'rie is unsound,
But that his Avarice is so profound,
His busmess well enough doth understand,
At Pleading therefore hath a Trick in Hand,
For there such Quirks and Niceties he displays,
The Lawyers are confus'd at what he says:
And such a dust before their Eyes doth throw,
There's none can tell for whom the cause will goe
All which is done with art political,
To cheat the
Videndum est maxi me, Ne Civitas legibus fundata legib. avertatur la­ert.
Law, the Cliem, Court and all.
Hence comes a motion from his rav'nous throat,
That some good Neighbours would their peace promote,
Urges a reference, & doth name the Squires
Fittest to follow his most just desires,
Which if refused, as it oft falleth out,
(For neither party hath great cause to doubt)
The Jury by some signal mark or thing
A special Verdict to the Court doth bring,
Which doth divide the cause between them so,
That one can't well against the other crow.
This proves at times of such Validity,
Both prize it equal with a Victory.
His
Lewis the 11th King of France, wore a Leaden Cru­cifix in his Bonnet, which as often as he murdered any Body, he kist it, and craved Perdon. Ma­ny take God for a Leaden One.
Lordship laughs in's sleeve at all is done,
Thinks least of Heav'n or Damnation.
Euphorbus.
Madam! you little think with what sad Heart
(Whil'st you the sad relation do impart
Of this Philarguros,) I here do sit,
Lord help this World, or else finish it.
Nor am I less affected when I mind
The
Nil publi­cae mercis tam Venale quam hodie Advoca­torum perfidia sit Tacit.
Perjuries you in the Juries find.
In my small time I've observation made,
There are of that employ that mak't a trade:
And these like Hounds that after Carion goe,
At ev'ry' ssize themselves in clusters show.
Caninum Studium & Confessum la­trocinium. Columetra.
These keep their Chambers and with brazen pate
Do sit like Barristers in Pomp and State,
Whom vile Attorneys and base gentry do,
Most shamelesly in Troopes resort unto,
To tempt (like Devils) them to things unjust,
And damn their Soules for white and yellow Dust.
[Page 10] Themista.
My Dear Euphorbus! whil'st you'r on this head
Ile tell you lately what hath happened,
Within Schlwvonia at a Tryal there,
The truth of which you need not doubt or fear.
Upon Novembers Mon'th (if not miscast)
A Tryal in the Basha's Court there past,
'T wixt Guelp and Gibeline (for so it was
All men almost for one of these did pass)
The Action frivolous (as most actions are,
That come to be determin'd at that Bar)
The Plaintiffs Witness and Defendants both,
Where equal for their Number and their Troth.
Their Oathes quite cross unto each others goe,
One Swore 't was Pitch the other Swore 't was Snow.
The Jury were a dozen Sans compare,
And could his Worship humour to an hair.
These did the Basha gravely counsel give,
To make their Verdict as they did believe.
They pond'ring, who was Guelp, who Gibeline,
Lo! where's the Gib, the cause is clearly thine.
That day one Tryal only passed more,
Which was as frivolous as that before.
Where upon Oath shrew'd Witnesses arose,
To prove the Basha did on them impose,
A false Record, which though he understood,
As well's his Deputy Gusmannus Crude,
Yet spight of fate the Tryal must be past,
Wherein the Guelp quite on his back was cast.
[Page 11] Euphorbus,
I lately of that Court indeed have heard,
And that the Basha hath it meerly marr'd,
By Packing Juries and perverting right,
According to the Dictates of his spite.
Such counter swearing 'mongst them ther's (tis said)
That some for fear have from these Tryals fled,
And if the Pillory had but its due,
St. Eustace might afford cheap heaps of Glue.
Yet hath that
Boni Viri & boni vini O­riginem non curiose inqui­rendum Coef. Ferd. 1.
place for Ages been renown'd,
For lofty Poets and Divines profound,
Acutest Lawy'rs and more not to name,
Here suckt their Milk, Men of great parts and fame;
That Air ('tis thought) did nature so supply,
It was a Natural Academie.
But by what strange mishap I cannot say,
It's waxt Adult'rate, and its brightest day
Is chang'd to night, where long hath dwelt the Owl,
And a lame Goose hath kept the Capitol.
Themista.
I'm sensible Euphorbus, I've digrest
Now of Philarguros, I'le tel the rest
One noted slight his Avarice more to heal,
I shall to thee impartially reveal,
He'l tell the World. how great a Foe he is
To all that Excreise Embraceries.
Curseth the Hand that taketh Bribe or Fee
Against the rules of Law or Equity.
Yet Fryar-like that could not Finger Gold,
His Boy can freely touch't and't safely hold.
This mighty man (whilst he's at Chancery Bar)
Doth keep at Home a fatter one by far,
Manag'd by Stewards with that care and wit,
Af if at Athens they had studied it.
In comes a Coach that's daub'd without with Gold,
Within, Rich Linings as Man can behold,
Drawn by six Stalions of Barbarian Race,
Which are a Present for his Lady Grace,
Then comes another with a glittering Watch,
Span-new from Artists Hands, sans flaw or patch,
Which in great caution by the waiting-maid
Into his Daughters keeping is convey'd,
Nor needs it Motto to declare the hap,
For which it falls a Victim to her lap,
Anon a Team of Oxen, bell'wing come,
Which with hard driving at the Mouth do foam.
These doth the nimble Hind install enfold,
Until his master come and them behold.
Nor is their Dairy-Maid or Horse-Man vile,
Whose Hand base Bribery doth not defile.
But what they take, besure shan't wast or rust,
(Alas poor Soules! they are but Slaves in trust,)
For these at even to Philarguros,
Yield up account with every farthing-cross,
Together with the Names of such great men,
As brought these generous Presents to his Den,
Which on his Book are set, He'l damn his Soul,
But in due season will well-please them all.
Euphorbus.
Lord! bless me, these affairs are strange & rare,
And were nev'r heard of in a Christian Air.
Turkey it self where the great Sultan sways,
Hath no Example of such crimes as these.
Madam! I shall herein you truly serve,
And give that Sentence which their Sins deserve,
Themista.
Euphorbus! Pardon me I make so bold
And to thine Ears that I these things have told.
It is some ease to mine afflicted Heart,
That I with freedome can these things impart.
Contracted grief within so narrow room,
Would else be sure Prognostick of my doome.
My next essay, shall therefore be to paint
Out
A Coward.
Periphobes, that fictitious Saint,
Whom for his mildness some would fain adore.
An Apple fair he is, unfound at Core.
Whose Compass' is his fancy and doth bear
Within his Breast an Heart much like an
Dlonysius metu anxius & nemini se credens fami­liarium Suo­rum aut pro­pinquorum tonderefilias Suas docuit ne tonsori Collum commit. terer, aquibus tamen is, cumiam es­seut Adultae, ferrum remo­vit, Instituitq. ut Candentibus juglandium pu­taminibus bar­bam sibi & Ca­pilum adure­rent.
Hare.
Such Ears likewise he hath. The murm'ring sound
But of a Bush, he taketh for an Hound,
Which makes him take his Leggs & run for fear,
When not the least apparent danger 's neer.
And hence it is when on the Throne he sits,
A bold Offender drives him from his wits,
A boysterous word from either Count or Clown,
Shall run his Majesterial Honour down.
So that without respect unto the cause,
Oft to their Rage doth sacrifize the Lawes.
Fear being in the Scale, I oft him find,
The Faces of distressed ones to grind,
Without reluctance or respect to me,
Against his Oath which should most Sacred be:
For he well knows these can no Patrons have,
That from his Hands might juster measure crave.
Euphorbus.
A Plaugy Pest it is, and like it none,
To see a
Artemon adeo timidus­fuit, ut domi plurimum vi­veret Servis duobus Scutum aereum Supia Caput Semper tenentibus, ue quod Superne Caderet aut ne Caeium rueret. Herae. par.
Coward sit upon a Throne.
None are more cruel, none more Sanguine be,
When favour'd with fit Opportunity.
Mauricius the Emp'ror can't inhast,
Out of my Thoughts without great dread be cast,
Who sick at Heart, did dream by Phocas, he
One time or other should assaffin'd be,
He asketh Phillip what might Phocas be?
One of thine own Centariens, saith he.
A Man of great Ambition, but withal
Ther's not such Coward more among them all.
Then he'l my Murdrer be, a Bloody Spirit,
(Saith he) a Poltrons breast doth still inherit.
He prov'd true Prophet, for within few days,
He kill'd the Emp'ror and his Scepter sways.
Themista.
Patly apply'd Euphorbus, I'le go on,
With Periphobes and his Passion.
Some to his guilt this Passion do impute,
Others do this Conjecture quite confute,
Ascribing it unto his vast Estate,
Which he would keep against the checks of Fate,
By hoarding up a swarm of Friends that may
Be useful to him in a doubtful Day.
Others again do charge this Action foul
Upon the narrowness of his own Soul.
Let these enjoy their Humours, but I must
To thee declare the reason true and just.
He fears not God and can't at all believe,
What Divine Records of his Name do give.
His matchless Justice, Holiness and Pow'r
Reside not on his serious Thoughts an hour;
May he therefore secure his Corps and pelf,
With thoughts of Hell he won't disease himself,
Nor love of Justice make him ope his Jawes,
For God, his People, or his sacred Lawes.
Euphorbus.
Lord! I'm aston'd at what I now do hear,
Who could once think there could such panick fear
Seize that Mans Heart, who holdeth his abode,
In seat of Justice, and in place of God?
When of our Saviour's Crucifiction, I
With seriousness peruse the History:
I do observe for no Inferiour cause,
That Jesus Christ our Lord Condemn'd was
By Pilate, for he fear'd the People Rude,
And kill'd our Lord to please the Multitude.
And therefore justly in our Christian Creed,
His most abhorred Name is Jibbeted,
That Generations whil'st the World shall last,
May of the like Injustice be agast.
A modern Story likewise comes to mind,
Of one Judge Morgan which Inrol'd we find,
Within the Reign of Mary, Englands queen,
Which without Trembling can't be read or seen.
This Man in Judgment sate on Lady Jane
An Innocent, yet was most roughly ta'ne
And brought at his Tribunal. Her cause heard
His Conscience prickt him, but because afear'd
In quitting her, he might procure a Frown,
From either Privy-Counsel or the Crown:
He did a fatal Sentence 'gainst her pass,
Accordingly she Executed was.
Immediately the Judge grows wonderous sad,
And desperately died Raging Mad.
One recent instance more I can't but Name,
Which publique stories in our Ears procla'me
And therefore shall with rev'rence tell the same.
How did King Charles of all Kings the best,
At's dying hour, ev'n from his Heart detest
That Fact of his in giving his consent,
To Straffords Death, aw'd by the Parliament,
No Sin of his on's Conscience gastlier stood,
Then the effusion of his Guiltless Blood:
Let these Examples make the World beware,
How they wound Justice on a groundless fear.
Themista,
My Dear Euphorbus! I shall nothing say,
Concerning Periphobes more this Day,
Mind only how I do his crimes resent,
And with all sharpness urge him to repent.
Ile name another one Mamodes
A Furious One.
That doth me most Notorious Injuries:
He bears a dreadful presence where he rules,
And counteth all Men (save himself) but Fooles.
His Eyes are sparkling, as if they would bore
The Breasts of Mortals, to find out a Sore.
Quo pacto quispium aut jus recte dicere aut homines decenter Judi­care posset quinon U­trumq litigan­tem audiverit Plato.
His Nose long-hang'd (like to a Vultures Snout)
That at a Distance scents Delinquents out.
A
Crudeli­tatis horridus est habitus. Truculenta fa­cies Violenti Spititus, Vox terribilis. Ora minis et cru entis imperiis referta, (ui Silentium do­nare incremer­tum est adrice­re. Val. Max. 1 9.
single Eared Gentleman he is,
And that's half Deaf for want of Exercise.
The first complaint one Ear so long en grost,
The sense of th' other is quite gon and lost;
Yea, such Disease on that one Ear is grown,
He is offended at some kindes of tone.
What the distemper is, great thoughts there be,
Some take't for a Noli me tangere,
For if this humour any chance to touch,
Difficilem oporlet anrem habere ad cri­mina. Publi▪
He'l bite and snarl his froward temper's, such
As if the Laws that are both good and right,
Were to vail Bonnet to his Rage and spite.
So that e're Pris'ners at the Bar can speak,
Ira in auribus habitat.
He doth into a thundring Passion break,
Oportet Judicem aures obiusas habere & hebetes ad rumores atque fabulas. Plato.
Which ore their Hearts doth such affrightment spread,
That 'fore they know their crimes, they are half dead.
Anon the Indictments read, wherein are told
Ten Crimes, among them which scarse one will hold,
With such dread Circumstances more beside,
He must a Devil be if not bely'd.
Nihil est vi­olentius aure Tyranni. Satyr: Persp. cierdum est Judicanti Nequid, aut durius aut re­missius Consti­tuatur quam causa deposcit Martiarus.
Vp stands Maniodes, Sirrah! you hear
What 'gainst you will (faith he) be made appear,
The
Hanging is the worst use a man can be put unto. Clarendon. St. H. W.
Gallows long since Villain! groan'd for thee
And thither shortly shall thy Carkass be,
What further hast thou in defence to say,
Till Derick come and take thee quite away?
He's mute the very thoughts of threatned Death,
Lays a suspension on his coming Breath.
Thus he behaves himself at open Barr,
And in the Country is no less severe.
For he no sooner comes in Towns and sits,
But he's enquiring after Hugonets,
Summons the Officers to bring him in,
A List of such as have most guilty bin.
This so much doth allarm the Neighbourhood,
Men leave their Houses to possess some Wood,
And tho' the Lyon did design his Paw,
'gainst horned Beasts alone that crost his Law.
Yet will the Hare, whose fall the Lyon scorns,
Tremble for fear, his Ears be termed Hornes.
Euphorbus,
Madam! the truth of this must be believ'd,
By what I know in Spain, where once I liv'd,
And therefore for diversions-sake shall tell,
What an affrighted Peasant there befel.
A Lord Inquisitor by chance did range,
And came into a silly Peasants Grange,
On whom poor Soul! no sooner cast his sight,
But fell a trembling 'fore this man of might,
As if some Ghost or Daemon rather had
Appear'd, and in some gastly garb been clad.
And having little to procure him grace,
For he was poor and in a thrift-less case,
A Flasque of Pears before his Lordship brings,
In most submissive mode 'mongst other things,
Which are accepted: but when they were spent,
His Lordship (not remote) him message sent.
He must needs speak with him. "Lord! whats the cause,
"(Thinks he) I never did offend the Laws,
"I am no Hugonet nor Heretick,
"Nor at the Churches Rites did ever stick,
"Both Mass and Mattens I did still frequent,
" Confest and Penance did in time of Lent.
" Calvin and Luther I do curse and hate,
"Nor did I think or act 'gainst Church or State.
"What have I done, that I must go before
"His Direful Lordship, the Inquisitor?
Immediatly the Peasant takes his Bed,
Nor Eats, nor Drinks, looks like a man that's dead.
His Lordship hearing that the Man was Ill,
And could not in that part observe his will,
Another Messenger at last repaires,
Tells him, his Lordship only begs some Pears.
He soon revives, and presently did goe,
Into the Orchard where his Fruit did grow:
Roots up the Tree, and with good will anon,
Delivers it with store of Fruit th [...]
The Messenger condemns his rashness, and
Acquaints him, that he did not understand
His drift herein: His Lordships only wish,
Out of that Store, was but one friendly Dish.
"Good Sir! be pleas'd, he said, and forthwith wept,
"Within my House and Garden shall be kept
"Nought what his Lordship loves: now you've the tree
" You nor your Lord shall I hope more to see
"For I protest, Death don't I more abhor,
"Than the grim lookes of the Inquisitor,
"The thoughts of whom since thou last saw'st my house,
"Hath made me value Life not at one Louse.
Justice severely Scriptum Sequi Calum niatoris est be­ni vero Judi­cis auct [...]rit [...] ­tem volenta­temque desen­dere. rackt, growes wan and dies,
Its empty Throne, Oppression soon supplies,
Whose direful rage unduely Subjects awes,
And works abhorrence both to Lords and Laws.
God keep St. Eustace's Government, that she
May not transgress the bounds of Eqnity.
Lest she turn Tyrant, and perchance what's worse,
Her Infant May'r look like her Old Termul­tis annts prae teteritis div ul­gatum sui [...] qu­oddam Spect­rum eo Nomi­ne Mense De­cembris, ibi. Perambulasse. black horse.
Excuse me if I've this you told in vain.
Madam! I long to hear what doth remain.
Themista,
Some are perchance surpriz'd, & brought before
His Worship, who like Lord Inquisitor,
Gives them their Oath. You shall make answer true,
To all such Questions as are askt of you:
And forthwith by a most Imperial Nod,
Bids him to Kiss the Book, so help you God.
By Contents of the Book which you have kist,
When (saith he) last took you the Eucharist?
When were you at the Mass? when were you shrift?
And let your answer be without a shift;
When did you Penance? likewise tell me who
Was that damn'd Heretick last preacht to you?
These silly Lambs, what man can but condole,
Who hereby damn their Body or their Soul.
Nor can they from his dreadful Sentence fly,
Without the cursed help of Perjury.
Euphorbus.
Hev'ns bless our Nation, and maintain the
Jura pub­lica certissima sunt humanae Vitae Solatia infirmorum auxilia poten­tum fraena. Cassiod.
Law,
Which doth on Subjects no such mischief draw,
But ev'ry Peccant is per testes charg'd,
For want of which the Pris'ner is enlarg'd.
The Ex-official Oath, the Parliament
To Rome and Hell from whence it came hath sent.
That Court or Judge that shall it re-inspire,
Falls Sans redress into a Praemunire.
And this Right Magna Charta doth convey,
None is himself obliged to betray.
Themista.
I know the English Lawes are just and good,
Yet by some Rulers not well understood;
They with like Oaths as these (not taking care)
Oft 'gainst the Law some silly Soules insnare,
But for Gods sake and your own Countrys good,
Tell what I say. Bid them beware of
Injuste reum absolu­ere, quam in­juste damnate & Occidere praestat. illnd namque pec­catum hoc Im­pietas. Antipho.
Blood.
The Miscreant next Parantmos we have,
A Gentleman both Antient, Wise and Grave,
His Eyes are roving all the World about,
To find the humours [...] all Persons out;
Of which he keeps account so full, so true,
He knows their Birth, 'State, Parts, Friends store or few.
His Mem'ry his his Mon'ter that directs
Him how to give them all their meet respects,
Squaring the Measures of his Actions so,
His favours ever with the stream do goe.
Hence is't when that two differees have long,
Been by the Ears concerning right and wrong,
Met at the Barr to hear the Sentence last,
That likely, shall be at the Action past:
The very Clowns that least of Law do know,
Forchode and tell for whom the cause will goe.
And when my self has doubted, I have gon
Through a vast crowd, & a most num'rous throng,
Pluckt him by th' Ear, yea, pincht his leathern heart,
Cry'd, Justice! Justice! yet he did not start.
But gives the final Sentence, that might best
Serve his own Friend, Geeat Man or Interest.
Not long agoe, a Man of mean Estate,
Hoping for Justice, waited at his Gate.
And that so long, so oft, without access,
That he despaires, goes off without success.
His mean Deportment, and his Sun-burnt Skin,
Wanted a Pass to let him friendly in.
His cause was dismal, for his cruel Lord
Did not like Measure ere that time afford,
He cast this Man from out his Farm, because
He wanted Copy-License from his Paws.
Tho his own Steward promis'd it before
For one Gold Angel, and as good as Swore.
With much ado
Judicis auxilium sub iniqua lege re­gato. Saepe etiam Leges cupiunt ut Jure regan­tur Cato.
Paranomos at last,
His lofty Eyes upon this Mushrom cast.
Fellow (saith he) I can't now talk with you,
You must at Law, his Lordships Steward Sue.
A task so Vaine, as if to have his right
An Infant had been bid Goliah fight:
Whereas he should redrest such wrong as this,
By pleading for him Form â pauperis,
But his Antagonist was high and great,
So Justice must give place to Fraud and Cheat.
Euphorbus,
Madam! that Judg was more upright by far
That had an Earl's Son once brought to's Bar,
I'le not be tedious but you'l see in brief,
He spar'd not Greatness nor Excus'd a Thief.
A Prisoner he was 'fore this Judge brought
Who had some Capital offences wrought.
Being arraign'd & Cast doth humbly pray
His Lordships audience unto what he'd say,
My Lord! Saith he, stop Sentence for I am
One, that from a most Noble Extract came.
The Judg replys, your Crimes deserve the halter
Nor can in Justice I this Sentence alter.
This Boon indeed I will not you deny,
Your Gibbet therefore shall be Strong and High.
Madam! I hope there are no more you find
That 'gainst your Ladyship are thus inclin'd.
Themista.
No more, Euphorbus! yes far more there are
Than I'le now tel, lest I thy patience Mar,
But I've not all my story told to thee
How he behav'd himself in Germany.
To tell thee When, It not the Matter helps,
But 'twas in th' dayes of Gibeline and Guelps.
Sith in hu­mane Laws there be more things arbi­trable than forceable Jud­ges ought to a pproach more to Reason then oppinion Plut­to Trajan.
Paranomos was then a Justice there
After their cruel feuds grown calmer were,
And both Sworn Subjects to the Emperor.
He being chiefly to one party Kind,
Bore 'gainst the other a Revengful mind.
A thousand Crimes in Guelps he could not see
When that the silly Gibeline must be
Ev'n for one
Non ex Ver­bis pendet jus, sed verba ser­viunt homin­um Confiliis & auctoritatibus. Nec Verba veniunt in judi­cium sed ea re Cujus causa Verba in leges Conjecta sun [...]. M. T. Cice.
Peccadillo clapt secure,
And made what Law * Could well inflict
Legibus maxi­me amica est Simplicitas. Ibid.
With patience this was born til at last,
The Empire into Civil broyls was cast,
Where he that Partial was this fate did bear
The people in two peices him did teare;
The Justice of whose fall I nev'r deny'd,
He liv'd Divided, and divided dy'd.
But I'le Contract two brethren Joyn'd by Blood,
Magnū bonum sunt leges sed fi quis nimis has intuetur a cute sycophan­te fit Menandr.
And govern'd one and self same Neighbourhood
I cannot but Complain of unto thee,
Which Greatly doe oppose my sov'raignty.
Procrites and swart Ecdicates who
Are of a like Complection and like hew.
A prejudiced and Reveng­ful One.
Whose Ears are long (and Boar-like very quick)
To hear whats said against an Heretick,
Who if it but in a word * hap to transgress,
Theodo. Arcad. & Honorius Nol lent quen quam de po­pulo subiici poenae qui pro­cacitate linguae at Maledicto in se peceasset. Quonlam siopprobrium ex levitate processerit negligendum, Si surore aut in sania Condolendum si deniqe ab injuria remittendum Sit.
Are by promoters seldom rendred less,
But mounted up so to the highest pin
A Venial's turn'd into a Mortal Sin.
And Cheifly if a Monk or Fryer do
Add but their Wit and siery Zeal thereto.
An act becoming ill their Sacred hood,
For oftentimes their heat Concludes in Blood.
Euphorbus.
Madam Excuse me if I seeme too prone,
To give your Ladyship divertion.
'Tis often said there is no Christian Law,
That will allow a Preist a Sword to draw.
No Reverend Bishop in a Jury shall
Their Verdit give in matters Capital.
Yet by Experience We do often find
None have to blood-shed been so much inclin'd,
And some have been requited in their kinde.
Madam! to all that hath been said before,
I'le only give you one short story more.
Phillip a Bishop of Beavoys in France,
Whom fortune did unto that See advance
For feats of Chivalry 'gainst England done
Was in a battle by our Natives won,
Surpriz'd and taken, whom our King doth hold
Immur'd with others in a Dungeon cold.
The Prelate grumbles at his destiny
And to the Pope he doth himself apply.
Pleads, to Excuse himself from Sec'lar thral,
His upstart dignity Episcopal.
The Pope's Enrag'd and in a pet Commands
A Speedy freedome from his loathsome bands.
Urges his Preisthood as a Sacred thing,
And mayn't be punish'd by an Earthly King.
Moreover dam's the fact as rashly done,
To Seiz his Bishop and beloved Son.
The King in his affairs advis'd was wel,
Knew that a Victim Just to's Conquest fel,
Returns the Armour which his body wore
When he was taken by the Conqueror,
These words Engraven planly were thereon
Is this the Coat Sir, of your preistly Son?
At this his Holyness was wondrous wroth,
And from his lips rapt out a Sacred Oath.
This was the Coat of Mars and not his Son,
So gave him up to Execution.
Madam! I've done, Now let me further hear,
These Judges great misdeeds and Character.
Themista.
Their Memories retentive are and hold,
For ever fast what spite and Malice told.
This
Non minus Turpe princtpi Multa Suppli­cia quam me­dico Multa funera. Clarendon.
grates them much til them this change befal
Their hearts are into Wormwood turn'd & gall:
So that the Sugar'd sentences which they,
Or their grave Counsel in defence shall say.
Is as succes less as his paynes would be,
That would the Ocean of its Saltness free.
But tho that Heresy be made the ground,
Of that dire rancour in their bosome found.
Yet all the Neighbourhood do plainly Know,
A grudg long since did on their stomachs grow
Which sith by Violence they could not vent,
Under the robe of Justice now is spent.
Yea tho that God Almightys Sacred Law,
(So good, so Equal, and devoyd of flaw.)
Commands that we forgive our foes as we,
Do hope our Selves by God Forgiv'n to be.
Yea
Animum vin cere Iracundiam coh be re vic­to [...] [...] rare Adversa­rum Nobilita­te, ingenio, Virtute prae­stare Non modo Extol­lere Jacentem sid etiam am­plisicare eius pristinam dig­ni tatem, Haec qui facit non ego eum sum­mis Viris Com­paro sed si­millimū deo Judico. M. Cicero.
tho their Soveraign in Clemency,
Hath past himselfe an act of Amnesty.
And by his Sacred Word for Ev'r hath fenc't,
Such as before he was against incen'st.
Yet 'spite of Hea'en and Majestick throne,
They will revenge it and not pardon one:
These would be Zealots of the Highest rank,
But done concern them more then they have thank.
Nor can they so far blind all peoples eyes,
But one or other soon their guile Espyes.
Which by unconquer'd demonstration shows,
They've acted Devil in St. Samuel's Cloaths.
Venting their Wares in a deceiptful shade
Their own Avengers are in Masquerade.
Euphorbus.
Madam! such Miscreants as these do bring,
Woe to themselves, and Odium on their King.
And to mine own Experience't hath been known,
Such spitish Wasps have from their seats bin thrown
Eye hath for Eye and tooth for tooth bin paid,
Til men and Citys in the dust were laid.
Now whilst upon that subject I am cast,
I'le tel you in my travels what hath past,
At Millan where those eyes of mine did see,
Rancour requited with Severity.
Proud Millan loath to bear Imperial Yoak,
Their due Alleigance to their Prince they broke
Slighted great Fredrick, and from him withdrew,
That Homage which was to their Sov'raigne due.
Yea to Rebellion did that Malice add,
A Constant Hatred 'gainst that house they had.
It so even'd, when Beatrice his Wife,
Fanci'd a Jorney to delight her life.
She came to Millan only there to see,
That Once Appurt'nance of the Empirye.
Not on an ill intent, or as a Spy,
But meerly out of Curiosity.
Having suppos'd that time had quite out-worn,
The feud they had against the Emp'rout borne.
The tydings were hereof no sooner Flown,
But the rude Multitude within the Town.
In coveys flock and in a Barb'rous way,
Her tender Corps within their Prison lay,
This done, they take her forth, and then astride
Upon a sily Mule they make to ride,
With face towards the Tayle, & at command,
Insteed of bridle held the same in hand.
Thus so expos'd in Ev'ry lane and streete,
To her great shame, and very sore regreet,
They led her forth without the gate, where they
With Kicks uncivil bid her take her way.
This act so foul Revenge doth soon pursue,
A potent Army the great Fred'rick drew.
Before her walls and in some little space,
In fury Storm'd and possest the place.
Adjudg'd them all unto the dint of Sword,
Only this Kansome he did them afforde.
Between the Buttocks of a skittish Mule,
Which none could either Master, tame, or rule.
Was fixt a bunch of Figgs, the conquer'd these,
(That they the Empr'rors fury might appease,
And save their lives, which now ware at the Stake,)
With both their hands bound fast behind their back.
Must with their teeth pluck out as she did pace,
And this was taken for a wondrous Grace.
Such as Nor would nor could with this Comply,
Did by the Weapons of the souldiers dye.
"Mercy findes Mercy but the cruel wight,
"Vengeance with Int'rest will estsoons requite
Themista.
All this is true, but what availeth this,
To melt the heart that Adamaine is.
Howe're performe thy office, and let me,
Know the successes of thine Embassie.
Go tell the Malefactors to their face,
That sith they have me driven from my place.
I'le spread their Crimes 'fore the Almighty King,
In such a mode that all the Hev'ns shall ring.
Unless they do repent, and change their mind,
And unto me more friendly be inclin'd
Heav'n speed thy way, and when thou meet'st my Friends,
Tell them Themista to them Greeting Sends.

Conclusio & Votum Authoris.

HEavens preserve our Caesar, and secure
His Race from harm as long's the World doth 'dure.
Endow them with all Heav'nly Grace, that they
The British Scepter may with Justice sway.
Cherish all Loyal Hearts, proud Rebels tame,
And keep our clergy from deserved blame.
Rule all our [...] make our Judges Just,
Let not the Sword that's in their Scabbard rust.
Root up all Vice, let Vertue sprout amaine,
And in King Charles's Heart, King Jesu! Reign.
FINIS.

The Printers Advertisement to the Reader.

THere is another Piece shortly will be extant, (God willing) Entituled, Tavistock Anatomiz'd; or the Honour, Dignity, Priviledges, and other Natural Vertues of that Famous and Antient Borrough dis­played, in a brief Coment on its Name, Situation, Air, Water, Fire­ing, Abbey, Manufacture, &c. Consisting of more then Twenty Chap­ters, each Chapter attended with a pleasant and sutable Poem, very re­creaiive to Ingenious Mindes, and cannot but be very acceptable to all Men, especially such who had the Honour of their Birth or Education in that Clyme. Price One Shilling.

Likewise another Entituled,

[...] Containing the Golden Epistles of divers Renowned Gentiles, perticularly of several Roman Emperours, where­in may be read their profound Wisdom and Policie, besides those Incom­parible Moralities that challenge not only the Admiration, but strenously call for the Imitation of the gentilest Christian: First done out of the Original Greek, by a learned Spaniard, Chronicler to that great Empe­rour, Charles the fifth, for about 160 Years since, and here communi­cated to the World in our Native Tongue.

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