VVESTMINSTER FAYRE, Newly Proclaimed.

My Muse thus venters to open her Ware,
And bids you welcome to Westminster Fayre.

WHEREIN,

Votes Orders, Ordinances, this September,
Are to be sold, with many a rotten Member,
A Parliament Man; I need say no more:
A close Committee-man that loves a W—
A Sequestrator; sure the Devill's not worse
Then an Excise man, far a greater curse:
Only a Pursuivant, to make Hell full,
The Country poore, the City a meere gull.
T'is but a penny, in: too small a fee,
To sell you Spectacles, these strange sights t'see.

Printed in Kings-street 22. Sept. 1647.

Westminster Fayre.
Sound Drummes and Trumpets.

O yes, O yes, O yes, I cry,
Parliament wares, good people buy.

IT is Decreed and Ordered by the Synod of Divines, assembled in holy Convocation for the Reformation of Moses Law, Davids Psalmes, the Apostles Creed, and the New Testament &c. That this Fayre (now con­secrated) shall foorthwith begin: wherein all their Synodicall const [...]utions, learned and pious debates, consultations and conclusions, (besides Votes, Ordinances, and Orders) shall be set to sale for the present payment of the Army, without further delay; and the remayning summes to be put into a large Chest with 4. Lockes, the Keyes whereof shall be kept by a Committee of 4. of the holy Synod; viz. by Corah Edwards, Ananias Gouge, Dathan Burges, and Abi­ram Byfield: and they the sayd Commissioners shall carefully keepe and preserve all profits arising from the sayd Fayre, in sale of all the sayd Commodities, heereafter mentioned, for payment of the Army, for transportation into New England, or Virginia, in case the Army will not disband, there to new­plant a Presbyterian Nurcery, and to build us stately Palaces, and buy us all things necessary for our intended journey. That if we shall have any remayning gaynes, or summes, (the pre­mises [Page 2]above considered) that a moyity goe to impeached Members, whether of the Lords or Commons from time to time; that so they may provide them of all necessaries to goe with us, the better to effect so great and pious a Worke, and to goe forward with our Reformation there, which we are not suffered to finish here, with all allacrity, joy, and comfort; and for the more easie comming in of the Countreys to the [...]aid Faire, that all and every the said Forts. Fortifications, Halfe-Moones, and Brest-workes, be speedily flung downe and laide levell with the earth and that those 4. that keep the said Chest before mentioned, shall not (upon any pretence whatsoever) open the same at any time, without there bee foure Earles, three Lards, eight Commons, (provided they be impeached Members) and foure of the most grave, sober, wise and discreet of the Synod of Divines for the pious uses aforesaid.

This Faire was no sooner proclaim'd with great solem­nity (by all the Assembly) but the Boothes, Shopps. and Stalls were presently furnished with all manner of Parliament Commodities; as Votes, Orders, Ordinances, New Dire­ctories, and all the pretty toyes that the whole body of a Kingdome could devise.

The first Shop I came into, was a faire large Roome with goodly Hangings, stately stooles, and at the upper end an empty Chaire richly imbroydered, and two or three at one corner whispering with wri [...]ings in their hands: I askt what they sold there? presently one cries out, Who buyes any Bi­shops Lands?

Come customers, come; her's fertile Earth will yeeld,
As faire a graine as ere was sowne in field:
Heres pastures, corne, and here are well growne woods:
Her's Bishops houses; all their books and goods;
Her's Canterburyes head, empty of braines,
Tak't in your hands, Ile sel't you for small gaines.
Her's Altars, Railes, Organ-pipes, and Bellowes,
Pictures of Saints, and other painted fellowes:
Heers Crosses, Surplices, Miters, and Copes,
Caps, Hoods, and Rochets; beside hempe for
Sacrile­gious snares to hang them.
ropes.—
Would you know how to sway the Royall Throne?
Live all like Kings, and make a King like none:
I sell that Art, of all the Devill ere made,
You never saw more better at the trade.
Come buy new tricks, new juglings, new disclosed,
To teach you how your King shall be deposed.
Buy a new Covenant, Declaration;
'Tis as good as ever ruin'd Nation.
Buy a new Creed, for two pence that's the price,
'Twill teach you a New way to Paradice.
Buy a new Directory, newly made,
Buy a Scoth brother, now a Reformade:
Buy a gude King, two hundred thousand pounds,
Jockies must have, to cure his
That the Cavileers gave him, at Marston moore, where hee run away, and bid the Deele take the hindmost.
mickle wounds.
If you want treasons, or confounding plots,
To ruine Kingdomes, or ou [...]vie the Scots,
Here buy this Plot, and take it on my word,
It is the best the Devill can afford;
Her's a new Plot to fetch you in more Plate,
And make the Publike Faith renew its state.
Come buy this J [...]m; sure it cannot harme ye,
'Twill stop the mouth of your devouring Army.
Her's a new Stratagem for the City;
To pump two M [...]llions, 'tis so witty;
Come Fat-heads buy, your hansell's very sure,
Advance your summes, and keep your hands in ure:
Her's ayde for Ireland, soone shall quell,
The Rebells there, and send them all to hell:
That you kinde Cuckolds, may enjoy their land,
And pay the Army that they may disband.
Here is an
Witnesse Tomkins, Challo­ner, and the Kings Messen­ger.
Ordinance come out to day,
To take your Lives, and your Estates away.
Another too for Tythes, that all must pay,
Or else to Prison go without delay.
Here is an Ordinance, after all our losses,
To be revenged on the harmelesse Crosses.
Here is another, the more's the pity.
To banish the Cavaliers from the City.
An Ordinance too, good heaven forbid the banes!
Able to turne their very Sw [...]rds to Kaines:
Another too, a lamentable story,
That no man shall deride the Directory.
Here is another too, see it I pray—
To grant the City-brats a Holy day.
With a new trick, to keepe the land in union,
That none but Rebells receive the Communion.
This made the people, when we caus'd the stirre,
Prophanely call us, Gods of Westminster.
Then cride another, Sir what will ye buy,
I pray step in, and do not so passe by,
Here's a Bunch of Lords impeach'd of Treason,
Come buy them quickly, while they are inseason.
See for your love, and for your money [...]uy,
Name what you want, Ile fit you presently:
Buy fairings for your Children, here are toyes,
Fit for your purpose, be they girles or boyes.
Here's Parliament Vestments, of all sorts and sizes,
You may have here, at very easie prizes,
Many a storme and shower they will abide,
Besides a World of knavery they will hide.
Sir looke upon them, view them at your leasure,
The price is small, and they'l do you great pleasure:
Here is King Pyms robe, th' price not very great,
(And no Excize on't, as he set on Meate)
Though he hath worn't, it's nere the worse for wearing,
Girt it but close, you need not feare the tearing.
Her's Fasting-dayes (like thinchapt Jackalent)
Shall helpe you at a pinch, when all is spent;
And her's a new day of Humiliation,
Shall humble all this sortish Nation.
Her's a new Ordinance, now fetch about,
To fling downe the workes, to let the Cuckow out
Of this new Gottam, that will no more advance
The Souldiers pay; but their owne ignorance.
Another oth' Synod, there standing by
With an extended throat, and mouth did cry,
Who buyes the Holy Ghost, pray come away;
Give money quickly, for I cannot stay.
"What all passe by? 'tis strange, Time turnes her wheele,
And bends her brow upon us, that wee feel
No hansale yet; our Ware's bewitched sure,
And (like our selves) ther's none will it endure:
Its doom'd to dismall Fate, dispis'd and scorn'd,
Though nere so costly, or so much adorn'd;
Here's omne vale, yet no money flies,
Our Wares dog-cheape, and thus our credit dies;
For such a Faire I never did behold,
Wee bring our Ware, but nothing can be sold.
I wonder cry'd one, what was our intent,
To keepe this Faire so neare the Parliament;
For wee are mocked here by sancy Jacks,
That bid the Pedlars to put up their packs:
Wee thought our Ware would sell at any price,
And off our hands been vented in a trice;
That this last Act upon the English Stage,
Would forded money for our Pilgrimage
Unto new England: brethren jog away,
Lest that the Army give us all our pay:
With that a Messenger came running through th' crowde,
And to the Synod thus he spake aloud,
To Tyburne or new England chuse you whether,
To one you must, you may go altogether;
For all the Lawes oth' Land you have out run,
And I come here to tell you what is done:
The King and the Army will cast you from your spheare,
For dire aspects, that you have caused there,
You are disvoted, and from hence are hurl'd,
To lie like stars shot on the lower world.
Your Wares not worth a sart, for all your cogging,
See where the hangman comes, away be jogging,
With that like men of senses quite bereft,
They trudg'd away, and all this stuffe they left.
A friend of mine to me did then repaire,
Desiring me to write this famous Faire,
Which I have done, and put it here to sell,
Buy then this Faire on me, and so farewell.
Die Sab. Septem. 22. 1647.

It is Ordered by the House, that thankes be given to the Au­thor of this learned peece entituled Westminster Faire, and that it be forthwith printed and published; and that no Pursuivant or other Officer hinder the free sale thereof.

Tho. Tel-treath, Cler, to the abused Commons.
FINIS.

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