To Mercurius Morbicus.
BOe to a Goose, Morbicus, Melancholicus is yet alive to give your lyes the lye an Italian mile down your throat. What sirrah, do you think to lye by Sun-light, and yet passe like an Owle in darknesse, not so much as to be seen, or notice taken of you? had you reduc'd your snakes unto one meal, or confin'd your malice within the rare discoveries of your hebdomedall journey-work, your weekly impudent Intelligence, it had been taken as an infirmity, a crime more tolerable; but to spit venome in volume, to belch poysonous aires in continued gusts, and that under the scrubbed, scabbed name of a gouty-headed Morbicus; so to bestink the City and Kingdom, that none can think upon you without a vomit; or name you without a stool or two: I am resolved in the behalf of my Friend Melancholicus, whom thou hast abused, and whose worth thou hast violated beyond the Laws of truth, modesty, or humanity (whose pen is too worthy to pitch upon such an unciviliz'd subject, an ulcerous. rotten-nam'd Rascal as you are) to kick you either into more honesty or civility.
And first of all I must tell the world, that this malicious Zoylus, but to leave his nature and to give him his own self godfathers worshipfull firname, Morbicus, or Knight Hospitaller, in his small-beer jests begins with a Proclamation (whereof this City-news-Cryers head hath been stuft as full as a fardle, ever [Page 2]since he was pen-feather'd in the Pillory, and had his fortune read in his fore-head in Cheapside) and wherin he is pleased to give Melancholicus the title of a phrenzie Priest (that was when the diseased Doctor Iremonger cast his water last) and that he hath a distemper'd brain, gotten non-sense by roat, &c. All which is as apparent truth, as that H. Walker is an honest man. But stay, Morbicus? sirrah, who gave you that Utopian name? I am sure, neither Calepine, Cooper, Thomas, Rider, nor any of our Anglo-Latines was ever guilty of any such false coyne; but it appears to be your own, the pure stamp of your own witty Genius, (except you'd pickt some Mountebanks pocket of it) and now the Evangelicall Iremonger and illuminated Pillorian, may plead antiquity with the primitive Fathers; the Albigenses, and Waldenses, were but younger brethren to him being of Apostolicall descent, either from S. Thomas, or St. Bartholomew, grand Patriarks to the Lazaries of old Troynovant.
Then the Fool comes in with a Character in yellow laced blew coat verse; but so sweetly compos'd, as harp and harrow in a Consort: able to make the Reader be-cack himself in prose. Then he mounts the stage, (enter Jeronimo) and faces his speech with a bald patch of beastly Greek as false as himself, and none knows the meaning of (except Morbicus;) and so proceeds into abominable raptures of knavery, lyes, and non-sense, truly I abhor to name 'em, though his brazen face never blusht to print 'em. And for an Epilogue, he presents you with a peece of curtail'd Intelligence lickt over again, as his fashion is, to re-publish his well belshing lyes with new titles.
In his next, (which is his Go triumphe) he fathers strange names upon Melancholicus, miscalling him in his zealous knavery, by the name of Hacket, and Hacklet, and then tels him, he is a knave, for having two names; what then is H. Walker, and Luke Harruney? and yet the Rogue puts them upon him; for Melancholicus is no kin to 'em I wonder that he put not one of his own borrowed names upon him, that would have made him a knave indeed: but who can expect better stuffe (be it spoke with reverence to his plush cloak) from such a nasty compound of incorrupted villanie? who hath no lesse then two and fifty lyes in his last peece, dated Sept. 20. to Sept. 27. as if he would have no body lye but himself, and had engrosst knavery by Letters Pattents. I had thought to have cast his water at this time, and given the Reader a perfect Relation of the constitution of this Hospitall of Diseases; and from the effects, (out of charity) discourse the Cause and Cure of him, but of that another time; In the mean space I pray peruse his Character.
Mercurius Morbicus his Character: What he was, what he is, and what he shall be.
He was
Begot in obscenity, and brought forth in iniquity, a monstrous birth ominous to others, fatall to himself, sproughting into yeers, was settled in an occupation, an Iremonger by his trade; wanting nothing but the fear of God to make him an honest man; so that when old Time began to shew new tricks, this pragmatist,
[Page 6]being thrust forward, by selfe-ends, Envy, and Ostentation, began to claw the old men by the shoulders, crept into his books, (as fast his customers crept out of his) and would venter, (being naturally impudent) to shew some tumbling tricks unto the world, to play
Presto begone, with the Laws, to juggle with Religion, which he made a cover-knave for his Ambition, which plumpt him to that growth, that no place but
Moses Chayre must serve him to play his feats in; where the inspired
Rabbi began by his invisible revelations, to unmystery the Scriptures, and according to the illumination, to make Truth falshood, and falshood Truth, untill Law and Truth sat Judges upon him, and forc'd him to recant his divinity in a pillory; who there improv'd so much his former impudence, that ever since he was able to manage his actions with incomparable, audacity, and out-face the world with his forgeries for authentick verities; so that now
He is
Doubly broke, both in hi
[...] custome, and his conscience: but to hold up his head from finking, he hath one bladder full blown with the breath of seeming sanctimony, and another with sycophantick insinuation; hanging by one hand on the countenance of the Parliament, by the other on the shoulders of the Faction; these keep him above ground, and have made him so notorious, that now he dares to write bad English (abhorring all other languages as Hereticall) and is become the onely
Homer in prose, weekely to historize great
Britans Iliads: his ambition being in the Intellective part, he vents all his wit in print, and hath emptied his head, (that Magazine of infernall
[Page 7]rogurie, and dissimulation) into the presses, not onely of what he had, but what upon his crackt credit he could borrow without leave, his estate is too narrow for his minde, and therefore he hath wrought himself roome in others affaires, and now struts as stiffe as an
Elephant in his new Office; hoping thereby to purge his nonsence, by the perusing and authorizing others labours; corragious Pens must vaile Bonnet to this
Don Quixot; not a Muse must gad abroad except by Petition to this brazen calfe for liberty; nor a truth peepe out with his head, for fear of being bitten off by this
Caniball; whilst the varnisht Logger-head blesseth himselfe in his politick plot, and
Garragantua conquest over the poor pamphlets, walks like a knave in print, speaks himself by authority, & charms down learning with blushlesse lyes: no News stirring, but what passes by his doore; and be it true or false, good or bad, all's one to him, he puts it off, though at the second, or third hand, for pure Orthodox; from home he now begins to tell of forraigne discoveries, by the next we expect wonders from
Terra incognita in a nut-shell. In a word he shewes well to all, but seldome sayes well of any, but himself, and yet himself is still himself, and that's the worst thing that he hath, his works and he comes all out of one shop, begins like a candle with a blaze, and goes out with a stink, he is any thing of what is nought, nothing of what he should be, if any thing is good, worse when an Angel, then when a devil, a right Spanish souldier, or an Italian theater; a bladder filled with severall windes, the best infectious, a fooles wonder, and the wise mans foole, and
Shall be
Enough miserable by being himself; as he hath been uncharitable in his censures, impudent in his forgeries; so he shall be unquiet in his fears, his own terrour, and his souls rack and tormentor; as soon as the winde comes about, and the wheel turns, he shall account it happines to enjoy one houres liberty to bewail his own basenesse and villany, and then—
[Page 8]And then shall all his cunning tricks result upon his loath some stomack, his hypocriticall delusions buffet him on the cheeks, his unlimited lyes flie by flocks in his face, and all his knavery return into it's first principle, himself; and every fool will point the finger at him, and say, There goes Id. Walker the dissembling knave; and when he dyes, every witty Pen will rejoyce at the fall of such an Enemy, and ring out his passing knell in scoffing rymes: if he make (as it is very like) his end at the Gallows, then sayes one:
If he dyes in his bed, then sayes another:
Then sayes another: