THE Essence, Quintessence, Insence, Innocence, Lye-sence, & Magnifisence OF Nonsence upon Sence: OR, SENCE upon NONSENCE.
The third Part, the fourth Impression, the fifth Edition, the sixth Addition, upon Condition; that (by Tradition) the Reader may laugh if he list.
In Longitude, Latitude, Crassitude, Magnitude, and Amplitude, lengthened, widened, enlarged, augmented, encreased, made wider and sider, by the addition of Letters, Syllables, Words, Lines, and far fetch'd Sentences.
And the lamentable Death and Buriall of a Scottish Gallaway Nagge.
Written upon White Paper, in a Brown Study, betwixt Lammas Day and Cambridge, in the Yeare aforesayd.
Beginning at the latter end, and written by John Taylor at the sign of the poor Poets Head, in Phoenix Alley, near the middle of Long Acre, or Coven Garden.
Anno, Millimo, Quillimo, Trillimo, Daffadillimo, Pulcher.
In Laudem Authoris.
MUst
Non-sence fill up every Page?
Is it to save th' expence
Of wit? or will not this dull Age
Be at the Charge of sence?
But
(John) though Fortune play the Whore,
Let not the Vulgar know it;
Perhaps if you had not been poor,
You had not been a Poet.
Your Estate's held in
Capite,
It lies upon
Pernassus;
Complain not then of Poverty,
You are as rich as
Crassus.
Nonsense upon Sense, &c.
MOūt meekly low, on blew presumptuous wings,
Relate the force of fiery water Springs,
Tell how the Attick, and Antartick Pole
Together met at Hockley in the Hole:
How Etna, and Vessuvius, in cold bloud,
Were both drown'd in the Adriatick floud.
Speak truth (like a Diurnall) let thy Pen
Camelion like, rouze Lions from their Den,
Turne frantick Wolpacks into melting Rocks,
And put Olympus in a Tinder box:
Report how Russian Cats doe barke like dogs,
And Scithian Mountains are turnd Irish Bogs,
Feast Ariadne with Tartarian Tripes,
Transforme great Canons to Tobacco-pipes:
Make Venus like a Negro, white as jet,
And puffe-paste of the Tomb of Mahomet.
Then mounted on a Windmill presently
To Dunstable in Derbyshire I'le flie:
From thence Ile take the Chariot of the Sun,
And swim to Scotland, and bring news what's done:
From thence Ile soare to silver Cintha's lap,
And with Endimion take a nine years nap:
There Ile drinke healths with smug-face Mulciber,
At all the twelve signes in the Hemisphere.
Tush tell not me these things are past dispute,
Ile from th' Hesperides bring golden fruit:
Such as the Poets Palfrey Pegasus,
Fetch'd from the fertile Molehill Caucasus,
Tis not the Persian Gulph, or Epshams Well,
Nor Westminsters sweet Plum-broth (made in Hell)
Can change my resolution, I have vow'd,
To speake with silence and to write aloud,
That Bulls of Basan, and the Circean Swine,
Shall all dance Trenchmore at these words of mine.
Rouze up thou Ghost of Gusman, and apply
Thy selfe to me and let's write Tempe dry:
Be rul'd by me, we'le empty all Hellicon,
In scribling 'gainst the Whore of Babylon.
The Dunsmore Cows milke shall make Sillibubs,
And our Religion shall be brought in Tubs.
Make hast unto the faire call'd Bartholomew,
And thence from the Heroick Mungrell Crew,
Take the fine gugaw hobby horses all,
Which we will man, and then a Counsell call
And conquer Callice, Kent and Christendome,
Knock down the Turck, and bravely ransack Rome;
What can be done more? What more can be sed?
Let's play at Blind man-buffe for Ginger-bread:
We'le have a dish of Dabs in Fish-street drest,
And with the Lobsters Ladies we will feast.
For as the Gowt is but a pleasing itch,
The best Bear-garden Bull-dog was a Bitch.
We have both eight and eighteen parts of speech,
Whereby I learn Ash burns as well as Beech,
Gargantua's scull is made a frying pan
To fry or follow the Leviathan,
That Gogmagog, Nick Wood, or Mariot,
Nor Creatan, Miloe, or Iscariot
Were not such valiant stomack'd men as those
That eat the Devils gowty petitoes.
Hark, hark, how from the South fierce Boreas rores
Give me a Sculler or a pair of Oares.
Ile make the Orient, and the Occident,
Both friends at Smithfield in the wild of Kent:
For now Tom Holders Mare hath broke her Cruppe
Dresse me a dish of Ae-dipthongs to supper.
The Dean of Dunstable hath bought and sold
Twelve lies new Printed, for two groats in gold.
Tis almost past the memory of man,
Since famous Arthur first in Court began:
Yet though King Lud did raign in Troynovaunt,
Will Summers was no kin to John of Gaunt.
What news from Tripoly? ware horns there ho:
The West-wind blows South-North at Ierico.
Steer well and steady, boyes look, look to th' Helme,
Fetch Goesberries that grow upon the Elme:
Like Cormorants lets live upon the Ayre,
And of a Whirle-poole make a Marble Chair.
Blind men may see, and deafe men all shall hear
How dumb men talk, because Cow-hides are dear.
Go to th' Utopian Kingdome and relate,
That to their King these lines I dedicate:
Bid him take note of me, and understand
He hath not such a Poet in his Land.
Down by the dale with milk and cream that flows.
Upon a Hill (below the Valley) grows
Hungarian Peacocks white as crimson Geese,
There sate a Rat upon a Holland Cheese:
No sooner did blind Bayard see the sight,
Two beauteous ugly Witches took their flight
To tell the King of China wondrous news,
How all Scotch Knaves were hang'd and English Iews.
Th' Athenian Hidra, and the Bird Torpedo
Were catcht in France in Mouse-traps near Toledo.
A Scolopendra comming neare Pickthatch,
Made drunke a Constable and stole the watch.
Do what you can, Madge howlet is an Owle:
And Beans with Buttermilke is rare wild Fowle.
The Coblers daughter, wee three both together,
Wee'le match, he'l give a thousand pieces with her;
Besides the smoak of Keinsam and Bell-Swagger,
Who oft at Mims did use his dudgeon Dagger:
Then shall the Perecranians of the East,
South, North, and West, with every bird and Beast;
All knuckle deep in Paphlagonian Sands,
Inhabite Transilvanian Netherlands:
'Tis the onely gallant way to gaine promotion,
To squeese Oyle from the Cindars of Devotion,
Translate our Rowndhead Turnips into Carrets,
And turne the lowest Cellars to high Garrets:
Let Neptune be a shepheard, and let Vulcan
Make hast to Greeneland, and there drinke his full Kan.
Titus Andronicus hath writ a Treatise,
Of Molehils in the entrance of Dame Theatis,
Wherein a man may learn before he looks
To catch mince-pies with neither nets nor hooks:
There policy with practise cut and dri'd
Were carted both in triumph through Cheapside.
If Monday hang himselfe no further seek.
Henceforth Tuesday shall begin the week:
No more of that I pray, I am afear'd
Ther's not one haire upon Diana's beard.
Great Agamemnon late combin'd with Hector,
To preach at Amsterdam an Irish Lector,
Which shall convert the Horse, the Asse, and Mule
And all the Beasts in Hipperborean Thule
If Sun-shine will with shaddowes but consent
We'le make the winter of our discontent
To force fierce Crook-back into better tune,
And turne Decembers heat to frost in June.
When this externall substance of my soule
Did live at liberty, I caught wild fowle,
I was a Caiftiffe in the Court of Spaine,
And playd at shuttle-cock with Charlemaine:
Then I did magnifie and mundifie,
Then I the Fairy Queen did putrifie,
And purifie againe, and dignifie,
All such as did her greatnesse deifie,
Females did edifie and fructifie,
And Amplifie and coldly gratifie.
The Lake of Lerna I did clarifie,
My Verse the Aethiop Queen did beautifie.
With rage my patience I would qualifie,
I can both certifie and testifie
How Death did live, and life did mortifie:
Feare alwayes did my courage fortifie:
He's crafty that his wits can rectifie,
To vilifie, make glad and terrifie,
And with course words old debts to satisfie,
That man Ile ratifie and notifie
To be one that himselfe will Justifie,
And fie, fo, fum, concludes him with O fie:
Thus from complexions I have Mineralls drawne,
Brave Captaine Fumble layd his sword to pawn
To ransome Jeffery Chaucers Cipresse Gowne.
Thersitis with a Rush knockt Ajax downe
Imperious Momus wrote th' Atlantick story
Of wars betwixt Achilles and John Dory:
'T was dedicated to the Isle of Lundy.
An Embleame right of
transit gloria mundi.
Thus the great Amadis de Gal was able
With Nonsence (like sence) to endure a Fable
Thus Mirmidons, upon the plains of Sarum
Did beat up Pompies quarters with alarum.
Let not the distances of place molest us,
Abidos is not forty miles from Sestus:
As Hero lov'd Leander, I'le agree,
Though he and she were mad, what's that to me?
Tis like Cleopatra and Antonius
Met, but saw not the Cardinall Baronius:
The Capitol, and silken Rock Tarpeyus
In a Seadan to Lichfield shall convey us;
And like a wheel-barrow we'l cut and curry,
And fetch good news from Shropshire and from Surry:
There is no Eunuch of the Race of Brutus,
That either can confute us, or cornute us.
Old Solon was no jester, nor no jyber,
And English Thames is better then Romes Tyber:
I took a Camel, and to Naples went I,
Of pickled Sausedges I found great plenty;
The Gudgeon catcher there o'retop'd the Nobles,
And put the Vice Roy in a peck of troubles:
Brave tag rag multitude of Omnium Gatherum.
Shuffle 'um together, and the Devill father 'um:
But now and then was squez'd a rich Delinquent,
By which good means away the precious chink went:
Renowned was the Raskall Massennello,
In fifteen dayes he was raw, ripe, and mellow.
Laugh, laugh, thou whining Foole Heraclitus,
And weep thou grinning Asse Democritus:
The grey Horse is the better Mare by halfe,
The Bull at Bear-Garden, and Walthams Calfe
Are reconcil'd, but not concluded fully
Who pleaded best, Demosthenes or Tully:
I am indifferent, fill the other Kan,
Logick hath art to make an Ape a man.
I weeping sing, to think upon the Quiblins
Twixt Romane, and Imperiall Guelphs and Giblins.
How Munsters John a Leide, and Knipperdoling
Were barbarous Barbers in the art of poling.
From Sence and Nonsence, I am wide, quoth Wallice,
But not so far as Oxford is from Callice:
Give me a Leash of merry blades, right Bilboes,
True tatter'd Rogues in Breech, Shirts, Skirts, and Elboes,
And each of them will make a fit Disciple.
To ride up Holborn to the tree that's triple:
A man may think his purse is quite turn'd Round-head,
When all the crosses in it are confounded:
'Tis sayd that Poetry a thriving trade is,
And gets a World of wealth from Lords and Ladies;
The Devill they do, false shamefull Lown thou ly'st,
And when thou canst no longer live, thou dy'st.
Lend me Rhamnussnes Flanders blade, Ile lash
The sober Centaure, turn great Oaks to Ash:
A long Devils broath, be sure you bring a spoon,
Our mornings shall begin at afternoon;
And Minos, Eacus, nor Rhadamantus
May rore and rant, but never shall out rant us.
As we are Temporall, let's be Temporizers,
We scorn to be surpriz'd, we'l be surprizers:
Let's make grim Pluto stink, the welkin rumble,
And Hollophernes bluster, blow, and grumble,
Rending up mighty Thistles by the roots,
Because an Ostler stole away his boots:
Then with a multiplying Gally pot,
Ile know the projects of the crafty Scot;
And then he shall be forc'd to hide his head
In Tenebris, in Poland, or in Swead:
Fough, this Tobacco stinks; thou dirty Hag,
Stand further near, Ile put thee in a bag.
Search Asia, Affrick and America,
To find the Goddesse Berecinthia,
And know how Pirramus and this befell
Together by the years late in Bridewell.
Words are but wind in Terme time, but Vacations
Are fit to publish silent Proclamations.
There was a businesse never understood,
The womans suit in Law was just and good:
She lost the day, this did her Cause disgrace,
The Lawyer put some ill into her Case.
Before Ile live this life, Ile take a knife,
And drown my selfe, and then what needs a Wife?
Strange things are done by Art and humane power,
Q
[...]inborow Castle landed neare the Tower.
Much like a Prodigy old time playd Rex:
A Kentish Castle came to Middlesex.
May not a man cal'd Newgate dwell at Higate,
And wed a Widdow at the Pie at Algate?
Therefore let us like or dislike Presbytery,
It will worke finely if it once besquitter ye.
Bring me a Salamander from Surat in France,
The Alps and the Pirenian hils shall dance.
Is Greenewich Parke there smiling Nioby
Shall laugh and lye downe like an Oyster Pye.
F
[...]me is a lying slut▪ she told me tayles,
That in October Christmas came from Wales:
Beleeve it take the wings of Icarus.
And walke to Hounsditch, and to Erebus,
There tell them playnly how the case stands here.
And bring us word how matters do goe there.
Unto the Market Ile run presently,
And there a peck of troubles I will buy,
One told me they would multiply and grow:
All England with them I will plant and sow.
Which as they ripen dayly Ile take care
That every living soule shall have a share:
Ile serve my selfe first, and Ile have such store
In time of need to serve a thousand more.
But I forget my Theame. O foule offence!
This nonsence hath a taste of too much sence:
The Asse, Goos, Woodcock, Buzard, and the Gull,
Beat out their brains, and put them in my scull;
And tell the men of Gotham tis thought fit
The Wisemen there should lend me all their wit:
For Nonsence I will tax all Christendome,
Great Emperours and Kings shall pay me some,
And many a Major, or justice of the Peace
Will give me tribute and the Tax encrease
To such a height, that Cardinals from Rome,
Cuckolds, and Costables shall pay me some:
Strong Hull, with fatall Hell, and Hallifax,
Shall naturally bring me tole and tax:
The mighty stock of Nonsence I will win:
Shalbe the universall Magazine,
For Universities to worke upon
The Rich Philosophers admired Stone:
Then I make Poets rich, and Usurers poor;
And thus resolv'd at this time write no more.
This Dedication is humbly directed to a living man, quartered into four Offices (viz.) a Scavenger, a Beadle, a Cobler, and halfe a Constable.
TO the high and mighty Davidius Vulcanus, Duke and Dominator of the Dunghils, and absolute, resolute, dissolute, Scavenger of the Town and Territories of Gravesend in Norfolk, great Master and Baron of the Wheel-barrow, the only Farmer, Transporter, Lord of the Soyle, and Privy searcher of all Mixens, and Muckhils, simple or compound, in the Liberties aforesaid. Cleanser, Clearer, and avoyder of the most Turpitudinous, Merdurinous, excrementall offals, Muck, and Garbage. Refiner, Purger, Clarifier, Purifier, Mundifier, Excluder, and Expulser of Putrifactious and Pestiferous Contagions; the Potentissimo, Excellentissimo, Invader, Scatterer, Disperser, Consumer, and Confounder of offensive unsavoury savours, smels, scents, and Vapours: Great Soldan, Sultan, and Grand Signiour over all varieties of stinks, and stinkards; most Triumphant Termagant, vnresistable Conquerour and Commander of the major and minor (the great and the less) Turditanians, chief Corrigidor & Beadle of all the Precinct, sole Transplanter, Terrifier, Controler, and Corrector of Beggers and Vagabonds. The terrible Hue and Cry, Cryer, chiefe Court-Cryer, Jayle-Keeper, and only Consiner of the Hogs; chiefe and most frequent vigilant Watchman, demy-Constable, and Image of Authority, the most accomplished Cobler, exquisite Translator, [Page 13]and exact Reformer of oppressed, decayed, wicked, & oppressed soals: And the only judiciary rectifier, underlayer, and setter upright of such Brethren and Sisters as doe goe aside, and tread their foot awry in these dayes of Vanity, and paths of Iniquity: In hope (Great Sir) I have not abated you of the least tittle of your title, your Honorable stile being so high, that no Christian, Pagan, Heathen, Turk, Jew, Infidell, Cuckold, or Canniball, can never climb to the top of it, there being a late report that your multiplicity and many affaires of State have disturbed your rest, & impaired your health, insomuch as it is thought your pericranion is crazed or cracked, and you thereby in danger to fall into a Callenturian disease, which is to be doubted may produce a Vertigo in your head, wherby your wit may be troubled with a superfluous flux, which may prove a molestation to your selfe, and the whole Town, that hath in it selfe, and in every place round about it, more troubles then they can well bear. But if their hard fortune should be, that when you are working to your own Ends, and that you should call for your Aule, and death should mistake and bring you your Last, whereby such a privy member as your selfe might be publickly lost; it is feared, griefe would overflow the whole Town, and that some of the Townesmen (with the help of their Wives) would run starke horne mad: To prevent this great detriment of such a losse as that Town may undergo in this time of scarcity of wit, wisdome, and wise men; for feare you should fall into the dangerous diseases of the Mubblefubbles, or the grumbling of the Gizzard: Therefore to drive away dumps, and to give you some Recreation, [Page 14]I have made bold to present your greatnesse with this Dedication, which if you will vouchsafe but to read and understand, and in so doing you shal do more for the Authour, then he ever was or shall do himselfe.
J. T.
Allandro pasqueto Valatrumpa entangrino liuroe.
IL vento Chioli, Mauritambull Teda fulgare,
Antro della campo ill Danto Corda sublima
Pantathos, stremo standina eschine vandri
Bene in shendo, tircia, penthe dissadi.
Mecrops Sans sida vocifera Randa Bavinea,
Allatendrea quanto, Eltrada Pizminoy venta,
Mega Pollimunton, Theorba quasi quicunque
Tripolina Tiphon, Quabacondono sapho.
Terra tragmus sophye, sunt diacalcitheo Geata.
Avostre Obserdandi Zhean De Fistye Cankie De Sallamanca Andalowsia.
Or thus you may English it, in the transcending prayse of the Authour and his Booke.
TIll PHOEBUS blustring blasts shall cease to blow,
And AEOLUS shall hide his radiant Rayes,
Till VULCANS Forge be fram'd of Scithian Snow,
And NEPTUNE like a Shepheard spend his dayes;
When SATURNE shall sell Mouse traps and allow
MARS to sing Madrigals, and round delayes:
Then shall thy Book and thee be out of Date,
And scorn the envy of consuming Fate.
To your Worthinesse in all observance Devoted, John De [...]istie Cankie of Sallamanca in Andalusia.
SWift Pepasus lend me thy Hoofes and Wings
Tempe, and Aganipp, and such strange things
As Poets do call Hellicon, and Muses
(That with ingenious wit the braine infuses)
In nimble strains make my invention wag,
And tell the sad death of a Scottish Nag.
A Nag of Nags, (as those that knew him say)
Whose birth and breeding was in Galloway,
Which Countrey (though it barren be and bare)
His Mother was a well reputed Mare:
He had all paces, and more swift then Wind,
Could trot before and amble well behind;
He had two sorts of gallops, false and true,
That when he did but run, men thought he flew!
Sure he was kin to winged Pegasus,
And of the race of great Bucephalus;
But Ile not rake up old Antiquity,
To prove his Ancesters old Pedigree:
Let it suffice, that such a Horse he was
That could in measure bravely pace and passe,
A Bay, a gallant Bay, most swift and quick,
Not having one base scurvy jadish trick.
There's many brave men, in their finest trim
Wants what this Nag had, sound of wind and Limb.
He di'd untimely by a sad disaster,
And death unluckily unhors'd his master.
Though Horses of diseases have too many,
Yet in his life time he had never any:
He had no Chin-gall, Wind-gall, Navell-gall,
Or Staggers, Spur-gall, Light-gall, Shacksgall,
Nor Wormes, or anticore, or Salenders,
Nor Scatches, Dropsie, or the Mallenders,
No Palsey, Feaver vext him, or Pompardy,
No frenzy troubled him, he was so hardy;
No Glanders, Cough, the Yellows, or Pole evill,
Or Spavens, Splinters, Fashions, or Colt-evill;
Nor Ring-bones, Quitter-bones, no Curbs or Hawse,
Were of this Nags death any griefe or Cause;
No Cramp or Canker, Crestfall, or the Vives,
Or bloudy Riffes that shorten Horses lives.
He had no Crown-scab, nor was ever found
To have the Hawkes, or Toothach, or Hide-bound,
Or Bots, or Botch, or Paps his health did wound.
No tongue-hurt Farley, rotten Frush, or Cloy'd,
No Kybes, or broken wind his health annoy'd;
No Bladders, Surbates, Wrench, or Tyrednesse,
No strain, no Scottish fleas, or lowsinesse;
No prick 'ith soale, Neck-creek, or shoulder-splat,
Or Strangle, he ne'r troubled was with that;
He had no Pin and Web, loose-hoof'd, or gravel'd,
Bloud-shot, or founder'd whensoere he travel'd:
Horse hip'd he was not, or in's Groyn a Wen,
Nor Rot i'th Lungs, nor shed his hair, what then
Did kill him? some suppose it was the Pose;
But we are all deceiv'd, 'twas none of those:
No Megrim was his death, or Calenture,
He with a Surfeit dy'd an Epicure.
But change of Pasture, altring of the Ayre
The health of M
[...]n or Horse may much impaire:
For by old PAR it plainly doth appear,
(Who liv'd in Shropshire sevenscore thirteen year)
Was by an Honorable Earles expence,
With Care and Cost to London brought from thence;
But change of Ayre and Dyet took short course,
And layd him dead, like Master FRADSHAMS horse.
This Nag in Scotland kept a temperate dyet,
(For Gallaway's a Country free from Riot)
Nor can it be reported any where,
That ever Horse did dye of Surfet there:
With Provender they are not proud, prick'd up,
With moderation there they bite and sup;
Their fate is fruitfull Fearn, and wholsome Heath,
Which frugall food preserves long wind or Breath,
Or Mosse as soft as downe or good chop'd straw;
(For Horses there thinke Hay Apocrypha)
An English Horse-loafe's Antichristian,
And all their Nags are Presbyterian:
For had I Aristotiles wit, my pen
Would prove strange Sects in Horses as in men:
The Spanish Jennet, and the Flaunders Mare,
Betwixt them many strange opinions are:
The Sumpter Horse will prance a lofty Gate,
Proud with the Burthen of ill gotten plate;
The Naples Courser, and the German steed,
The Barbary Horse that 'mongst the Moors doth breed,
The Cart horse, French Cavalla▪ Irish Hobby,
The Welsh Tit that loves Oats beyond Couse bobby:
A man may write and talke, and wast his wind,
Yet never make these horses of one mind;
And many sects there are that disagree,
Who in Religion like to Horses be:
And sure more Horses have to Churches gone
Within th
[...]se ten years, then was ever known:
This Nag, neare Hampton Court did catch his death
And to his Master did his skin bequeath;
His Brains, Wit, Reason, and his honesty,
He gave to's Countrey as a Legacy:
His Corps had near a hundred Graves and Tombs,
In light foot Hounds, Kites, Crows, and Ravens Wombs:
Thus at his Funerall solemnity,
He was most swift, and did both run and flie.
The Second Part to the same Sence.
WHen as a Woodcock did a Phoenix hatch,
Once in the Raigne of Iulian the Apostate,
When Spiders Nets an Elephant did catch,
The Alehouse had no fire to make a Toast at;
Then in those merry lamentable dayes,
Upon a Christmas Evenear Michaelmas,
New Market heath did hoarsly sing the praise
Of Apuleins, or the Golden Asse.
The Adamantine fall of seven fold Nile,
Had boyl'd Musk-Millions from the Mount Pernassus,
Whereas the sing song wanton Crocodile
Made Romane Cressus smile, and Lidian Crassus,
When Charing Crosse the Sun of Summers Leg.
Had Kitned in the eyelids of a Nowne,
And Christmas Carrols playd at Mumble peg,
With the Buls pizzel of a Market Towne;
Then shall a Pronowne and a Participle
Fight doggedly for wagging of a straw,
And then Tom Thum with Gogmagog shall tipple,
And shew the Learnedst Lawyers what is Law.
Then Ghastly flesh of shillings fry'd in steaks,
And Oyntments drawn from warme ingratitude
Did draw the teeth of two and forty weeks
From out the heels of squemish magnitude.
But yet (O yet) a new laid Madrigall
Had bak'd the haunches of a Spanish child,
And matcht'em to Sir Guy the Seneschall,
Who liv'd Adulterously with Bosworth field,
Whilest this was doing, all undone, and Done,
As men undoe a Trowt to make a Loach,
For as with spoons a Lord may eat the Sun,
So layes a Bitch her Litter in a Coach.
The Times have beene, (but Time is turn'd to pap)
That men might speake like Sea-crabs with a Quill,
And old Devotion wore a corner'd Cap
Upon the Stomack of a Water-mill.
But as a Bag pipe-flying in the Ayre,
Doth water all the Earth with Scottish Jigs,
So Times do change their turns at Sturbridge Faire;
For all the World now rides on Ale and Wigs.
O that my wings could bleat like butter'd pease,
But bleating and my Lungs have caught the itch,
Which are as musty as the Irish Seas,
Which in their left side now have both the Stich.
I grant indeed▪ that Rainbows layd to sleep,
Snort like a Woodknife in a Ladies eyes,
Which makes her bark to see a Pudding creep,
For creeping puddings alwayes please the Wise.
The
[...]or
[...] of custome makes a man to pisse
A cast of Merlins in King Dido's mouth:
Hence comes the squint ey'd Proverb, which is this,
All men are borne their backsides to the South.
A Letter late came from the Stygian Lake
That told me Cerberus himselfe had choak'd:
He took a Milstone for a butter'd Cake,
when first red Herrings were at Yarmouth smoak'd:
The Orientall Chilblains of the West
Flew like a Colliflower in Chequer broath,
And then the Fairy Queen in Buckrum drest,
Rod through the Ayre well mounted on a Moth.
Man as he is a Cloakbag, is a fish,
But as a humane Creature he's a Cock:
Which boyld with pindust in Chafing dish,
Eats like stew'd Mustard made in Vulcans smock.
Once in an evening when the morning Sun
Did hotly speak with cold Meridian splendor;
There was a jolly Frier told a Nun
That Feminine was Masculine Male Gender,
Things have their times, as Oysters have their wool:
Dogs have their dayes as Distaffes have their Gall,
So all men living ought to dwell at Hull,
For Hallifax cannot containe them all.
A Statesman once corrupted is a Gun,
That ferrets Screachowls from Bellona's Beard,
To make a handsome Codpiece for the Sun
To were upon the pommell of his Sword.
Man unto Man, is Man; but Man to Man,
Is Herrings flesh, made of a yard of Ale,
With the ingredients of a D
[...]pping pan.
Whiles Pancradge Church begets an Issue Male.
An Oxe was lately in a Mouse-trap taken;
Read but the booke of Weekly Newes, and note
How many stock fishes were made far Bacon,
Broyld on the Top-m
[...]st of a Mussell Boat,
New Heroglyphick three-fold twisted Lines
Of things that were, and were not, how Augustus
With Ovids Metamorph
[...]ses combines,
To try us oftentimes, but never trust us.
The faculties of every humane soule
Are made of Turpentine and Venson bones:
Ingendred in the night cap of an Owle
That gives a Glyster to the Torrid Zones:
For as a Pistoll lisps when he doth court
Three paire of guts, bound up in true loves knots,
So Easter Terme is cu
[...]to'd but in sport,
While Hobby-horses cur'd are of the Bots.
Then smoth thy brow with milk-white discontent,
And raise thy spirits up beneath thy feet:
For Shrovetide now hath swallow'd Iack-a-lent.
Because few Marriners are in the Fleet.
I know I am a man abhorr'd of Bells
That ring in Concave of an Heteroclite;
I know the Cuckolds thoughts of Bathe and Wels,
Do sizzle like a Mil-stone in a Net.
I saw, but what I view'd, I never saw
A row of Teeth penfeatherd in a Trowt,
Whilst Perkins Horse orethrew a Case in Law,
And he himselfe got fee farme of the Gowt.
How can a Mayor Rule, but with a Lask,
That may squirt Steeples in the teeth of Fame?
For if they do, their touch stone and their Flask
Will fill the Winde with Polecats of the name.
The clock doth strike when time bewrayes his hose,
And Oysters catch the cough with being kinde.
As Putrocks weare their Buttocks in their nose,
So Fables weare their Bables in their minde.
I grant indeed, that whoso may and can, Deep Ppilosophy.
Can never may, sith may doth can abey; Deep Ppilosophy.
But he that can and will, may will as man, Deep Ppilosophy.
But man can will, yet his will cannot may. Deep Ppilosophy.
Call True the Taylor hither presently,
For he must make a Mantle for the Moone:
Bid Atlas from his shoulders shake the sky,
And lend and send me his left handed spoone.
For Pride's a Pitchfork that the waile doth fill
Of Ursa Mayor (God of Apple Cakes,)
Sloath is the Cucking stoole of Holborne hill,
Much like a Sope boyler upon a lakes.
Oh that I were in love with Bobbin-lace,
Or great with child of Tullies purple Gowne;
Then to mine Ankles I would screw my face,
To make a Paire of Boots for black Renowne.
Faine would I leave, but leave at me doth grin,
As doth a Custard when his nails doth ake;
Or like a blew Bore in a Pudding skin,
So I must manners leave for manners sake.
Then rest my Rimes, before my reason's done,
For women are all Wag tayles when they run:
Who sets his wits my Sence to undermine, is
A cunning man at Nonsence, farewell. Finis.
The third part of the fourth Edition to the five Senses, or Sence aforesaid.
ILe say no more, but what I mean to speak,
And speaking what I say shall silence break.
Mambudget, let no words be utter'd neither,
Let's seperate our speeches close together.
Reach my fierce flye-flap,
Van-Trump, stand aloofe,
My Arms and Armour's close Committee Proofe;
Give me a Butterbox with not on rag on,
I'le pickle him like to a Dutch flap Draggon:
An Ordinance of Parliament shall scatter ye,
Our Ordinance is Ordnance, that can batter ye.
Me vat a whee, is Cambria Brittish French,
Dick shifts a Trencher, but Tom keeps the Tr
[...]nch.
An Annagram is John King, and King Iohn,
Five quarters of one year is four to one:
May not a M
[...]ser while a poor mans want,
And give him lodging, cloathing, and provant,
And hang himselfe, and give the Devill his due,
Perhaps the Newes is too good to be true.
I care not where mine Hostess, and mine Host lie,
T' have meat and drink for nothing, is not costly.
I could have written mad verse, sad verse, glad verse,
But you shall be contented now with bad verse;
I neither weep or sing of sweet Rebellion,
Or story old I lift not now to tell ye on:
The Royall mad Lancastrians, and Yorkists
Scarce harm'd so much as some cornuted Forkists,
The most uncivill civill Goths and Vandals
Did not on their owne Countrey bring such scandals.
The Turks, the Iews, the Canibals and Tartars
Ne're kept such wicked, rude, unruly quarters.
Ierusalems, Eleazer, Iohn, and Simon
Did ne're yield Poet baser stuff to rime on.
Like bloudy Sylla, and consuming Marius,
One mischiefe did into another carry us.
Amongst all Trades (some thousands zealous Widgeons)
Were hardly more in number then Religions.
In Preachers Roomes were Preach'd, for which I woe am,
The basest people Priests like Ieroboam.
That one may say of London, what a Town is't?
It harbours in it many a Corbraind Brownist:
Tis scatter'd full of Sects, alas how apt is't
To be a Familist, or Annabaptist
Whilst Knaves (of both sides) with Religions Mantle,
Have rifled England by patch, piece, and Cantle;
That I may say of thee O London, London,
What hath thy Wealth, Wit, Sword, & furious Gun done?
And what hath many a mothers wicked son done?
Whereby (against their wills) there's many undone.
Thrice happy had it been for our tranquility,
If th'Authours of this incivility
Had been a little check'd by
Gregory Brandon,
With each of them a hempen twisted band on.
FINIS.