HOW is it with you Brother Stop-coale? Mee thinks you look something dull and melancho­like, and yet you nor I have any cause to bee discouraged especially at this time of the year.

Why so, deare Cozen Hoord-coale? No mans state is certaine, I am full of fears, doubts, and jealousies, left some honest hearted and well affected to the good of this Common-wealth, and for the gene­rall good of the Belly, Cold, and Backtold generation of poore Tradesmen, with their Wives, Children, and Servants, from whom (as you know a little better then I) we Spunges doe sucke no small gaines; I tell you I doubt some honest Commissioners will bee appointed suddenly to be Examiners and Overseers of our actions, and then, you know what followes, I know your Cause and mine will bee bad enough, and too bad for us to uphold.

Tush, what's that the matter? doest thou not know the old Proverb? Knaves have better luck then honester men: cannot we joyne and make a purse? and you know, silver bags will worke, especially with good store of Wine, and a rich Feast; and for the cry of the poore I esteem it no more then a flea-biting, and [Page 6]howling of a few poore Curres at the Moone: let the poore coole their heels, wee have swarmes of them in our Parish, and I am glad of it, for they support mee, and are my best Merchants, especially in frost and snow, and Saturdayes at night, or if it be on the Lords day i'th morning, at these times I can put off any that's black as a coale, though it be a stone, and at any rates, because of the season; and poore fooles they take mee to be a very charitable minded man: and besides all this, a gainst a good time, or in the hardest weather, I send out to the Churchwardens and Overseers of the poore but one halfe chaldron of Coales to bee distributed to poore Families, though they have the consciences to give but halfe, and keep the other to themselves; ah Brother! 'tis so, yet all the poore are still'd, and pray to God for me, as a wonderfull charitable minded man, when as I tell you, I did it out of pollicy, and not cha­rity, and to get more custome for my coales.

I commend your pollicie, I see that good wits jumpe together; it's my method too I pro­mise you, better to part with the draffe then to lose all, only I differ from your practice in this, that you send halfe a chaldron to the Officers, but I send to the poore themselves to fetch them, whereby I view all my Customers, and have their manifold prayers, yet God knowes I laugh at their simplicity; for this is but a bait to lure them to fetch all the yeare after at my own Yard, where I quickly get in & recover my coales that I gave them, with advantage; but especially by three infallible polliticke tricks, viz. small measure, high prices, and base coales.

Very well, and what cause have you or I to [Page 7]be melancholike? come, I have a cup of rich Aligant to revive our spirits, will ye walke? I have inhansed the price of my coales this last weeke from thirty shil­lings the chaldron (which was too much) to thirty eight shillings, so that I can afford you a mornings draught, the poore shall pay for it.

How do you bring this about? for I have had but a dead weeke this last weeke; ah! this fine warme weather is as bad for our Trade, as 'tis for the Hay-mongers, who expected seven or eight pound the load, and by reason of this Summer-like Winter are forced to sell it in Smithfield for fifty five shillings per Load.

Pish, pish, I see you are not so expert in your Trade as you ought; Ile never want pollitick tricks to vend my Coales at what rates I please: but principally I use these four or five devices, though they are all false, yet I finde they are all gainfull, and taking.

What may they be? let me know, for if they bee beneficiall to you, they cannot bee amisse for me; for I am as eager to lay lime-twigs to catch poore mens purses as you can be.

Why first I vent it out by Carmen, and poor folks, that indeed there was a fleet come of 65. or 70. Saile, almost as far as Harwich, but there rose a violent storme, so that most of the fleet was shipwrackt, and the rest rendred unserviceable to put to Sea till next Easter at least: at the [...]port of this, O how the poore shrug in their shoulders▪ and pawn their pewter dishes and brasse, and any goods to the Brokers, to get some Coales in at any rate? But if this works not so effectu­ally as I thought, yet it seldome failes; however I cause [Page 8]it to be noysed and rumored about, that in regard our fleet is now come into Harbours, those insolent Dutch Pickeroons with some men of War, lie upon or neere Sunderland, and the North coasts, that a Collier can­not stir out, and this affrights the meaner sort of peo­ple, that they cry out, Alass! would these wars were once done with the Hollander, else wee poore must starve: and is not this a cunning sleight? yet if this fails, I have a third Engine, and that is a sure one, for I seeme to be pensive, and complaine to the poor them­selves, as they come to my Warehouse for Coals, how that indeed there was a great fleet comming in, but putting in to Yarmouth, all the Colliers were pressed for the States Service to be Seamen, so that the Navy can­not come up; and then I doe adde, Seamen must bee had, and we want Seamen, and wee lost abundance of Saylers in the last great fight, and Seamens service is hard now, and many doe shunne it, and the pay is but small, and the Navy must speedily put to Sea, and that the Hollander is maine strong already, and the Danes are joyned with him, so that to all likelihood, there's no hopes of Coales, and then I sigh and say it is pittifull for the poore, but however I am almost undone by this means, for most of my stock (as I pretend) lies in the safety of that fleet of Colliers; upon this false story commonly told, I laugh inwardly how it works upon poore necessitous people to buy up coales so eagerly, that they are ready to fight, who shall be served first.

Oh admirable, and politickly done!

And yet to heighten my price I adde, good people, you see my store, when these are gone, I know not how to procure more, (though he hath three or four [Page 9]great Cellars full against harder weather come, and and higher rates, and then I complaine of the multi­tude of Ale-Brewers, and Beere-Brewers, and Diars, and Cookes, and Smiths, and Founders, and Glasse­houses; and pretend that these and many others doe in the time of yeare buy up all, or at least so many as will serve for three years following; and this they con­clued to be true indeed, and this whets them on to fur­nish themselves, though at any price; and then I vend my worst Coals, or mingle them with a few good ones: Nay, rather then faile, Ile bid them come downe to your Coale-Yards, for I know well enough you and we are so wise as not to shew all to publick; Oh! this point of reservation is as advantagious to our purses, as it hath been to the Popish Jesuites, a little quantity, sayes the poore, is better then never a whit; when as we laugh at them when they are gone, and say to our selves, we have goods layd up for many years.

Oh rare policy! surely thou hast mightily incouraged mee to keep up my mystery; for these are sure Holders, and will lick in moneys from all sorts of people.

Moreover, I tell you Brother, a man must live by his wits; men of my profession never make scruple of Conscience for what we doe: I adde more­over to the former inventions, that there is a great de­cay of Woods, many being of late grubb'd and stubb'd up, and that Heaths and Commons in many places of England, where poore people had wont to gather Fearn, and Heath, and Gosse, and Furse, are now clean­sed and turned into Corne land, so that the poore must burn Coales or sterve; besides the Hospitals, and Alms-houses, [Page 10]Prisons, and sundry Courts of Guards of Soul­diers must all have Coales, and what hope is there that they should not be at high prices? what doe you think of all these practises?

All extraordinary, and neat, and sure strata­gems to get wealth and to grow fat and suddenly rich.

These are my Pullies and Engines to inhance or to keep up Coales at a high rate: I would hear now what devices you use to squeeze your Customers.

Why I would not have you thinke that we doe not only equalize, but rather exceed these strata­gems; you know first our Customers are not of the beggerly rabble of poore Silk-weavers, Button-makers, Taylors, Rag-men, Bonelace-makers, Tobacco pipe-makers, Wash-women, scolding Oyster-wives, who seldome goe above halfe a bushel at a time, and that but against some good time too, but we deal with Brew­ers, and Diers, and Merchants, and rich Citizens, some of whom fetches in forty, fifty, or a hundred Chaldron at a time, some twenty, some five; none comes into our Purlews at lesse then one or two Chaldron, besides Bil­lets and Chamber-faggots for their Wives lying in; neither do our Customers desire forbearance of pay, for they come with money in hand; we do not use Chaulk nor Counting-books, down pay, ready receit, and pre­sent Cash are our Customers Arguments: we deale not with Fowls that want feathers; it's good fishing at a comming Tyde: now because you have discovered to me your proceedings, you shall judge if we be not your Masters at this Game, both for gaines and knavery: as first, we all know that Noble men and the Gentry, and Brewers will desire to be first served; now we complot, [Page 11]when as in Summer time their Stewards, or Cash-kee­pers come to enquire how coales are likely to be? and whether there be any lately come in; when they come to our Yards, we wil not seem to be within at first com­ming, but either our Wives or Yard-men shall salute them with a kinde of heavy countenance, and after the how doe yee? and I am glad to see you, and I hope my good Lord, &c. is well, with other sleight dissembling Complements are over, the Steward presently begins presently to aske what wee desire to heare, how goe Coales? what rates do they beare? and the like; our Wives have the Art pritty well, for wee teach them, though we need not to dissemble to give a sigh, and say, indeed Sir I am sorry to tell you, wee are very loath to sell any as yet, for our stores are almost spent, and the Warres continue, and there were some fifty sayle of Colliers ready to goe out, but there is an Order from the State to stop them, and the Colliers are put into Friggots as fast and as soon as they come aboard, so that our first returne is lost, which was alwayes the best, and when the Seas will be cleared we know not; with many such affrighting speeches, to the amazement of the Steward, who wee know will furnish himselfe, at what rates soever, and so begins to plead; well, my Lord hath had his Coales a long time heere, and they were alwayes good, and I do not intend to change this place, and go to another: I must therefore have you promise mee faithfully to let mee have this next weeke thirty or forty chaldron, we will not stand for price, and my Lord will not stand to the hazard of Winter, and then provide: no, no, and therefore if you please to re­member me to your Husband, and make me a promise, [Page 12]I will give you a paire of Gloves, and your Husband a pottle of Wine and a Neats Tongue, at our meeting: Truly, replies the Wife, Sir, heere hath been my Lord such a ones Steward, and such and such a Brewer, and I heard them talke of a hundred, or two hundred chal­dron a piece, and whether my Husband hath promis'd them or not I know not, but if he hath, I doubt our store will not hold out to supply all; but I'le do what I can with my Husband to furnish my good Lord: Well spoke, replies the Steward, and to remember mee the sooner, I do intreat you to let me pay five pounds now, for I brought it for the same purpose; and I shall in­forme my Lord of your great respect to him and care for him: thus our Wives feeling the pulses beat high and throughly seemingly sayes, Sir, if you please to leave so much moneyes I shall shew it my Husband, and it may prevaile with him to remember you the sooner. Thus it is with our customers, and is this not pretty dis­sembling sport, for I have the money and presently I im­ploy it, and deferr the coales under some pretence or o­ther at least three or foure months? as thus we live in hopes that the fleet will be speedily in the Thames, and then he shall be sure to have good ones; let him resolve upon it, let him trust me to provide for him: and so he rests satisfied, and glad that he is sure to have them; though in that space I have the use of his money, and buy the Coales for halfe those rates I had of him: how like you this Ginn?

Truly Brother I perceive you have cunning tricks to fetch in great Fish into your Nets, and you want not Art to spread them; but where you catch one we have a hundred come to us.

Pish man, if that Art should faile, we use a­nother; for you must know we deale with a Fleet of Colliers as Hunters do with their Hounds, do not let all run out at once at the Game, but now some, and then some; so we, though the Fleet be an hundred saile, yet we meet them at Yarmouth, or before they come so farr, and suffer not above twenty or thirty to appeare at a time, and then give out the rest are suspected to be lost, or taken, and so perswade men to take these while they may, and not to trust upon uncertainties of more com­ming in, and the like; nay, we tell the Masters that our Yards are full at London, that money is dead, now they must deliver and sell forthwith, or else their charges will quickly eat out their gaines, and so we get coals at our owne prices, and sell them as we list; besides this, we buy after ship-measure, but sell after our own, and wee have Carmen, whose Sackes (if the Magistrates would looke after them) are some of them halfe a foot too short, and almost as much too narrow, and this fills our pockets all the yeare long; and they use to keepe their Sacks always wet, that they may shrink the more: I tell thee plainly, that by this onely trick we have got­ten twenty bushels of coales cleare to our selves out of three chaldron; and is not this a thriving Trade?

I assure you Brother, you speak to the pur­pose, yet being we are by our selves, and as I hope none hears us, I will scarce yeeld to you in this Craft; for I seriously protest unto you, that my Measures, eyther halfe or whole peck or bushell are scanty enough; for I thrive chiefly by false weights and false measures, and quick return, quick returne you know, makes a heavy purse; and I hope it will not be alwayes fayre, calme, [Page 14]weather; Lilly and Culpepper, and the rest of the star­gazers, who for my beleefe can stare no further into a Star than into a Milstone, yet all of them tell us of snow and frost and slabby cold weather, which however the weather proves, yet these buzzes and Prognostications have gained credit amongst many, both men and wo­men, and so bring in our Customers the faster, which wee make pay for their simple credulity; and for my part, I could finde in my heart to spare halfe a chaldron of Coales to bee distributed amongst the star-gazing fraternity, to warm their Noses at their Criticall Con­ventions, and to uphold their Predictions, and to pro­cure them to write commonly of a cold, snowy, and a very hard Winter season to come; you cannot imagine how people doe confide in these Astrologers concepti­ons; what think you Brother?

Truly I know you to bee good furtherers of our gaines, and it is my intent to make use of their say­ings, but I intend not to bestow any thing upon the Blades, for they doe not really intend or ayme at our good, nor ever had us in their Calender amongst their friends, but write, as we use to say, at hap-hazard; nei­ther doe they care whether we thrive or not: but to dis­close some deeper craft in our dealing yet, I tell thee, Brother Hoord-Coale, wee know that wee are hated and cursed of every man, but then we Foxes fare best; wee have an intention to keep up such a thriving Monopoly amongst our selves, that except the wisedome and Ju­stice of a Parliament, or a Councell of State interpose and hinder us by stinting our number, or setting a Rate upon the price, or limiting how much each of us shall lay out, or by taking the Coale-pits into the States [Page 15]hands, and so manage them out and in with able Con­voyers; some of which I greatly feare: for I confess the profits of the Pits belongs rather to the State than to us, which if they doe, farewell the fairest flower in my Garden: I tell you Brother, there is such a generall ex­clamation of people of all sorts against us, and of late there hath been a suit at Law and odious Petitions ex­habited against our dealings, and not without just cause, I confesse, that I doubt our best dayes are past, if we can goe clear off with what wee have gotten already; but however I am as busie yet, as a hungry Ferret in a rich Cony borough; for as I heare there are now some 40. or 50. Saile of Colliers come into the Poole, and the poor people have great hopes to see Coales fall in their prices, and that they shall be for them, when as, alasse, poore silly fools, our Agents at Newcastle have bought them for us; if the poor will have them, they are sure to have them at what rates wee please, and out of our yeards: for they were all bought by us before they de­parted from Newcastle; for if we be not disturbed, this Winter will be my best harvest, and the worst weather brings our greatest incomes; what think you Brother, of this our policy?

I commend your wisedome for preventing o­thers, and I am beholden to you for suffering mee to put in a share; I promise you I have my halfe pecks, pecks, halfe bushels and bushels, fitted for my owne purpose; and I keep two nimble Lads my Apprentices, that are excellent for not overfilling them, I warrant you the poor get no heapd up, or overfild, or pressed down mea­sure at my shop; I say plainly to you, that viis & modis by one helpe or other, I get halfe in halfe out of poore [Page 16]sneaking impotent people; and if my Coals fayl, I have all other things which I know the poorest people must have; but whatsoever they buy of me, they may resolve that they must pay double, as two pence for a peny fag­got, and so for a pound of cheese or butter, and for bread I am in league with a Baker, that notwithstanding the present cheapness of Corne, and the Lord Mayors Or­ders, knows how to puffe up a loafe that should bee but for one peny to two pence, that of two pence to a groat, and the same order I hold in all my other commodi­ties, and yet my shop is so filled with goore people, that never were Wasps more busie about a honey pot in a Summers day, then they are at my Shop and Cellar on Saturday nights and frosty mornings.

Did you thinke I had but one string to my bow? you know how I ingrosse Wood of all sorts, as well as Coales; I have Billets but soundly nicked and marked, Ile warrant you where I had them with three notches, I adde three more; and stack wood, and fag­gots, and sprey; I deale in hard coale, and charcoale, in small coale, and what not for gains? if one mill will not grind, another shall.

Well, well, our case is good enough yet, and for my part I fear nothing; for the coldest weather, rough Seas, the Hollander out, and our Navy at home, and none inform the Magistrate of our actions, are all pleasing and comfortable to us: and I tell you Brother, this present season makes the poore to shrinke, the rich to provide: I had these three last mornings a hundred poore people flocking to get coales, all fearing lest they will rise, which I promise they shall, if my cunning and policy faile me nor.