TVRNE OVER BEHOLD And VVONDER.
Printed at Layghten Buzzard (Brother) within 10 miles of Dunce stable, by the Assignes of Tom Ladle, and are to be sold at the signe of the 7 Wisemen of Goatham.
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TO THE MOST MIGHTY and Manifold Numberlesse Multitude of Naturall and Artificiall Fooles and Asses.
KInde Fellowes, Brothers and Friends, (I dare not call you Gentlemen, though some of you were borne, and some esteem'd or made so)
I have made bold to dedicate this Herculean labour to your Various Censures; entreating [Page] everyone of you in particular to doe me the favour as to make the sixe here depictured, to be in number seaven; If you bee free from all Aspersions and Imputations which are Repeated of in the following Lines: then you are unfit for the Brother-hood; for all fooles are not so that weare Coxcombes, Pyde Coats and Bables, and there may bee a Golden Asse as well as a Gray one; Will Sommers was a Foole by Art, to King Henry the eight, and Patch was an Idiot to Cardinall VVolsey. Iohn Garret, was an indifferent Iester, (but all Iesters, Ieerers, Flowters, Scoffers and Mockers are not to bee safely Ranked amongst the number of Fooles or Asses,) Tom Derry, was Harmelesse and Simple, and therein came neerest to the nature and estimation of a silly Honest Foole: But all that is nothing to Archye, for he is of a wise and more wary Garbe; hee knowes a piece of Biefe from an Iron Wedge, and a Velvet Purse from a Sowes Eare. Hee is well knowne from others, and [Page] may be trusted with untold Milstones: the truth is, that he is much to be beloved for those Good parts hee hath, and sure there are many that did never receive harme by him, or do desire it; And so my good Patrons I leave my Lines and Labours to you, and you to fortune and the world, whose favourites you are or may Be, as she pleaseth to be friend you.
Wee bee Seaven.
TWo Brothers walking in a Starry Night,
And viewing well the Skies Illustrious light,
And how the spatious spangled firmament
Was wonderfull in compasse and extent,
They fell into a serious discourse,
From Mad to Bad words, and from Bad to Worse.
The one did wish he had a piece of Ground
As large or Ample as the Skies great Round,
The other wishd for Oxen, Buls and Kine
As many as the Starres, which then did shine:
The first said, where should all these Beasts have Baite,
In your ground Sir, the second Answered straite.
With that the one began to storme and sweare
Without his leave they never should feed there.
The other said that in his teethes despight,
His cattell should Graze there both day and night,
And that they in his Ground should feed and fill,
Without his leave, or favour, or goodwill,
Thus were there angers Rais'd, both scorn'd to yeald,
And both each other dar'd into the feild.
The quarrell great the danger dreadfull was,
Each one well Mounted on his warlike Asse,
[Page] In furious forme, and armed as you see
For bloudy Combate, both prepared be.
When loe! a third man hors'd as well as they,
Rode poasting in, and thus tooke up the fray.
Brethren, quoth he, put up your murdring tooles,
Though we want wit, yet lets not play the fooles.
Our Beasts and we are six, the number's even,
Except some looker on doe make up
Seven.
We are but halfe a dozen, but before
We can turne round, our number will be more.
Though some for beauty, wealth, descent, or place
Or rich attire, may hold us in disgrace,
Let each one judge himselfe, and I durst lay
A wager, that we shall be seven straightway.
He that hath past his word, or us'd his pen
In Bonds, and payd the debts of other men,
And lives in woe and want for doing thus,
Hath beene a kinde man, and is one of Vs.
He that hath Gam'd away a good estate,
And now doth want, doth cheat for cloathes and meat,
Or begge, or bravely steale, or poorely starve,
To make our nnmber seven, doth well deserve.
He that hath drab'd away his Time, his Wealth,
His Credit (if he had it) and his health,
Although he's poore, and his diseases many,
Hee'le make our number seven as well as any.
He that is Jealous, and no cause can tell
Wherefore he is so, doth live halfe in hell,
And is a Cuckold onely in conceit,
We sixe will make that man our brother straight.
The Glutton whom nor Sea, nor Land, nor Skies
With Fishes, Beasts, Fruits, Fowles cannot suffice,
Though he be neere so rich, I tell him thus,
Hees better fed than taught, and one of Vs.
[Page] He that will let his wife live as she list,
And please her, fearing both her tongue and fist:
And lets her goe, come, eate, weare what she will,
He is our Brother, and shall be so still.
He that oft drinks a friends, or Great mans health
And drinks his owne away, and wastes his wealth,
Tis not his dropsie or his Giddy Braine
Shall make us his sweet Brotherhood Refraine.
He that will for the wagging of a straw
Or for each toye or trisle goe to law,
And loves contention better than his food,
He makes our number seaven tis understood.
He that delights in Brawles and quarrels picking,
In rough uncivill words, or dangerous striking,
Though for acquaintance we do never crave him
Yet hees our Brother, till the hang man have him.
He that is toucheous, tasty, washpish, froward,
And fretfull, hasty, every way untoward:
I doe assure you such a tempred man,
Shall make our number seaven, doe what he can.
He that our Churches government doth leere,
And hates our Reverend Ceremonies here,
Striving to mar whats well, whats Good to alter,
Hees one of Vs, untill he catch the halter.
All these, and many more our Brothers are
And each of us with him shall have a share:
Ambition is a stumbling Rampant Asse:
An Alcumist may for our brother passe:
Empson and
Dudley, were proiectors twaine,
And both our Brothers, so are all their traine,
For whose sake, Such proiectours that are bad,
Are wishd to have such wages as they had.
These that trust Palmistry, or Augury,
Of fortune telling mad Ass-trology,
[Page] Or to be Great or Rich doth toyle and plod
And makes their belly or their Gold their God,
All fond Inamour
[...]t
[...]es that are Mad
For Love (Sir Reverence) That cannot be had,
How ever such, by wise men may be deem'd,
They shallbe of our brotherhood esteem'd.
In Briefe the Worlds a Masse of Vanity,
A Gallemalfrey of mixt foolery.
And though men have not all one selfe condition
Yet every man's a foole or a Physition.
Fooles will be medling and what ere he be
That's angry at these lines, is one of wee:
And we do hope that wisemen have such powres
In Wisdome, not to set their wit to ours.
And tis a Proverbe amongst age and youth
That
Fooles and Children still
will tell the truth:
Besides an old said saw is not forgot
Which saies a fooles Bolt's soone or quickly shot.
We seaven are fooles, six of us are to sell,
But if we all were Rich, we know Right well,
For love of us, our lands, our goods and gold,
We should be beg'd for fooles, not Bought and sold.
We were esteem'd in learn'd
Erasmus dayes
Who wrore a worthy Booke in follies Praise,
And this much may be learn'd in Natures schoole
Tis better to be Borne than made a foole.
Thus every man that lives one way or other
Doth make our number seaven, and proves our Brother;
For Mighty States, and powerfull Potentates
That seeme to oversway and Rule the Fates
And with a Nayle through Fortunes wheele can drive it
And at that Poynt that Nayle can clench and rivet,
Where
[...]he cannot turne her wavering wheele
[Page] They are Wisemen indeed, (if such there be)
And are no fellowes for such fooles as wee.
But till such time as we such men can finde,
(As sure they are excluded Humane kinde)
The Race of man to folly being subject,
And in one Poynt or other Fortunes abject.
For why if any men have Earthly Rest,
Tis onely We that are Right fooles profest.
Thus welcome Brother whosoere thou art
If thou will make us seaven, weele take thy part.
The Mad-Foole.
ALL common
Drunkards, Swearers, Thieves and
Roarers,
Decoyes, Sharkes, Cheaters, Runagates and
Shiftes,
All
vagabonds, Nims, Prodigals and
Whores,
All
Stales, Stands, Rogues, all
Cutpursses, and
Lifts,
These are the Mad fooles men, a wicked Crew,
Whom Heav'n Abhors, and Hell on Earth doth spew.
The Sad-Foole.
ALL Moody, Melancholy, Male-contents,
The Sonnes of Envy, Troublers of a State:
Projecting Hum'rous Politiques, whose events
Are Machivillian to beget debate.
Who laugh at Mischiefe, Greive at all thats good
These are the sad fooles Best Beloved Brood.
The Merry-Foole.
THose that can Iybe, and Ieere, Scoff, Mocke, or Iest,
Daunce, Fiddle, Iuggle, Tumble, play the Asse,
Rime Roguishly, prate non-sence, smell a feast
And laugh at nothing All this Crew may passe,
For Troins true, mad Greekes, and drinke old sherry,
Vnder the Banner of the Foole thats merry.
FINIS.