BRethren and fellow Councellors of this never too-wise assembly: Before I begin my discourse, my duty binds me to render you all humble thanks for your generall Election of me, to wag my beard amongst you this day, for the good of the Common-Wealth : I confesse my selfe as very a Wood-cock as the best of you, and as far unfit for this great imployment, yet (with your patience) I will endea­your to expresse the simplicity of my zealous affection to the Weal-pub­lique, with as much vigour and outragious spleen, as my shallow capacity can performe.

The first thing I am bound in conscience to present to your consideration, is the Liturgie of the Church, which is a thing in these dayes generally spo­ken against and that by our most eminent▪ grave and orthodox Coach-men, Weavers, and Brewers-Clerks; nay it is grown odious to our Shee-divines, whose eyes, do perpetually look asquint with the very thought of it. For my part, what this Liturgie is, I know not▪ nor care not, yet as simple as I am, I am confident it is a hard word, And in my judgement is either Greek or La­tine or both; from whence I must necessarily conclude, that there ought no hard words, no Greek nor Latine, nor any that know them come within the Discipline of the Church, nor any Language or Linguist, but plain Hebrew and English. Let us therefore avoid this Liturgie as a thing whereof we are utterly ignorant, uncapable, and undeserving. And if it concerne the Com­mon Prayer (as my singular wife saith it doth,) then questionlesse (if the new Convocation be but indued with wisdom correspondent to mine,) they will doome it to be burnt with such a fire as will consume it, yea till it be consumed even as the Loggs in Lincolns-Inn-fields were. And great reason, for it hath been the onely cause why the Gospel hath prospered so slenderly under the ministery of preaching tradesmen, and Lay Clergy-women, who have coupled themselves together, in a joynt labour for the procreating of young Saints to fill up the number of this new faith: To which purpose how often, and how long have Barnes, Stables, Woods, Saw-pits, Old Ditches, Cel­lars, yea houses of Office been their Synagogues, places of excellent privacy, and free from the eyes of the sinfull, and such of the wicked as will speake worse then they mean, for certainly their speaking is worse then our doing. But (to come to my subject again, for I had like to have rambled from it,) if this Liturgie (that heathen word Liturgie) were blotted of out the Church, [Page] what an infinite increase, and multiplication of spirituall children would they suddenly beget, insomuch that the parishes would even swarme with them. And that in regard of the Liberty they might then use, for they are altogether so strong of Spirit (by reason of high sare) and as I may say so zealously impudent, that I perswade my self, they would go toot even in the open streets, and never fear or shame to be discovered. But I will con­clude this argument as Goodman Green did in the Hebrew tongue in Hat­cham Barne last fasting day after dinner, quoth he very excellently, Quiquid­libet cuquodlibet, which according to the best translation is, away with the Liturgie away with it, and so say I.

The second thing I must vex your patience withall, is the Miliria, which (although I know not the meaning of it,) yet it is argument sufficient to me to conceive it absolutely requisite; because the King doth absolutely op­pose it. This same Militia is likewise a hard word: And if it be Hebrew (as for ought I know it may be) I should love it the better; but from hence I must needs observe, that hard words are fitter for the Camp then the Church: And therefore I hold it very necessary that those who are Schollers and understand hard words, should be compelled (as I think they will be,) to apply themselves to Military Offices; and in their stead those that under­stand nothing be intrusted with Ecclesiasticall Discipline. And further: Touching this Militia, what a glorious sight it is to see the Leaders, and their horses armed in gold and silver lace, Gorgets, and Leading-Staves, of beaten plate, Ornaments of excellent use in War, for the enemies to make prize on, and is perhaps a witty policy (in case of surprisall,) to carry their Ransomes in the habit of Armour: And then again, to see the unstained Buff and Scarlet, never blemisht with so much as one Crimson Drop, the new-painted Drummes, and unweather-beaten Ensignes, and chiefly the couragi­ous Batteries made upon the fresh ayre, with full as much alacrity and un­daunted spirit as if the enemy himself had been there ready pitcht for an en­counter or more, I verily beleeve. What say you to me my self that never discharged a peece in all my life before it did my heart good to hear my gun crack though I could not see it, for indeed I winckt, and yet I think in my conscience I could have hit the great Tent (durst I have charged a Bullet,) at more then twenty foot off. Well this Militia is a brave thing and as ne­cessary an invention to consume powder, and to keep us in weekly imploy­ment in these times of small trading, as heart can wish: In my opinion it is fit it be incouraged: And that it be ordained (enacted I beleeve it will not be) Colonell of all the hard words that ever came into the City since the va­lient Conquest of Wat Tyler and Jack Straw, performed by a Citizen and predecessour of ours.

[Page] This Militia (being establisht,) leads me on to my third argument which I doubt not but (by your grave favours) to go through, with as much dis­cretion as I have done the two former.

And that is the extirpation of the Papists. O let us elevate our perspicu­ous Noses, to smell out their treacheries that we may be able to root them out, (but not with our Noses, for that would be swinish:) And rather then be such beasts let us be hornd beasts, (as our Ancestors and Predecessors in all ages have been,) that we may yoke our selves together in full strength, and plow them up, as it were the bowels of the earth: Let us heap so many crosses u [...]on them till they be afraid to crosse the way on us, or to crosse the proverbe or to cut any crosse Capers, least we interpret every such act, to be direct Popish superstition. And to perfect this extirpation let all men who­soever that are not directly and absolutely of our opinion minde habit, (if it had been possible I would have said wisdom,) be reputed Papists. (And so they are already,) but I meane let them fall within the limitation and cen­sures of all laws establisht against Popery and popish innovasion. And there­fore let him that honours the name of Jesus be reputed a Jesuite, him that takes degrees at the universities be held a Seminary, and so consequently let them both be hangd drawn and quarterd for high Treason, for thats the doome my charity can afford them: Nay let not a woman wear Beads, least we [...]udge she numbers her prayers by them, (unlesse it be Pearl-beads in a Hatband because my wife her selfe (that impregnable piece of devout obstinacie) hath adjudged and followed that fashion as a decent wea­ring, and speciall vestment, to give evidence of the haughty and vain glo­rious pride of a Citizens wife. And further, for this purpose; Let us draw the King (if it be possible) to become no naturall man; that is, never to re­flect on any man for his excellency of learning, pregnancie of wit, affability and sweetnesse of behaviour, fluency of language, or any other perfection of Art or Nature whatsoever, unlesse he can likewise give sufficient Testi­mony of his affection to Roundheadisme, that he never heard any Com­mon-prayers, but can pray himself four hours, with more vehemencie, than the best Divine in Christendome that prayes but a quarter. That he beleeves it not possible, that a Sermon in any language under Heaven can save a soul, except English and Hebrew. Now truly, for my part I cannot very perfectly speak this same Hebrew-tongue I mentioned so often; but I honour it, because I take it to be the language they speake at Amsterdam, where the most famous Lay-Doctors in all the World do exercise. But I say what a glorious Court would men of these qualities and saith make: the Kings graces before-meat and after-meat would be longer than his morn­ing and evening prayers are; the reversion of his Dyet not given away, [Page] but all eaten, as swiftly as a Cormorant swallows an Eele: Embassadours would be answered, before they had an Audience, even by instinct of the spirit; long locks would be converted to large ears; Masques, and Playes to Conventicles, and Psalm-singing; the very sight or ugly aspect of them, would flight these same pritty Taffata-beauties out of the Virge, so that no sinners but themselves, should come neere the Throne of Majesty, whereby they would be (as their ambition ever was) the prime sinners of the Kingdome. How fit would these men be for State imployment too? would not How the Cobler make a speciall Keeper of the great Seal, in re­gard of his experience in Wax? Or Walker the spirituall Bailod-wrighter, become the Office of Secretary of State? Or the Lock-Smith that preached in Crooked-lane, make an excellent Master of the Wards? And the Taylor at Bridewell-Docke, might be Maister of the Liveries. Who fitter to be Master of the Horse, than my Lord Whatchicallums Groom? I tell you plainly, he is able to do more service in the Stable, (besides what he can do in the Pulpit) then he that enjoyes the place. And would not Browne the Upholster, make a proper Groom of the Bedchamber? Why, I my selfe am Warden of my Company, and could not I think you as well be Warden of the Cinque Ports? Well, well I, am verily perswaded we shall never at­tain to these preferments; but it doth me good to build a Castle in the Aire with the thought of it, to thinke how we should firke the Popish and Malignant partie, what now in them is but Petty-larciny, should then be accounted high Treason; what now is but Superstition, should then be blas­phemy, Innovation should be Heresie, and Latine in a Sermon should be reputed flat Damnation. O there was never any Tyger, Dragon, or Eli­phant did raign, domineer, rule, and tyrannize as we would do; we would be very Lyons in the Namean woods. Hydraes in the Lernean Fennes, Eagles in the Skies, Whales in the Seas Pikes in the Rivers and Neroes in the Empire; nay, all the Devils in hell, Hags, Furies, Witches, and In­struments of damnation whatsoever, should never paralell us for inventions to plague these luke-warm Locusts, these Mercurialls of Religion that stand upon Philosophy, Reason▪ Sence and I know not what; as if reason and sence, and such fooleries, were pertinent to religion and the graces of the Spirit. This Rapture had almost begot an extasie m [...]me but that a proverb amongst the wicked came in the nick to cool the fumosity of my Chollerick rhume, that the curst Cow hath short horns: And truly now I think better on it. whatsoever our mad frenzies do perswade us to imagine our selves, yet we are not the peo [...]le that must have all the sway, the Kings part will [...]ear half; for let us think what we will of our selves, the truth is, the wiser sort do hold us but Round-heads, silly rascalls, ignorant coxcombs, indiscreetly zealous [Page] fools, yea even Cuckolds, and know us to be so too, yet I have onely inti­mated my proper zeale, and customary desires unto you, that you might all with my affection expect this happy change, which we would call by the name of Reformation, for this (might it come to passe as it never will do,) were a sure way to banish Popery, and bring the Kingdome into a way of extemporary preaching, and spirituall blasphemy. And here I end with the Papists. I should have prolonged my invection against them, but that I saw the Proclamation for executing Laws upon them, wherefore (Though I do not love them,) yet I think the better of them because the King pur­sues them so eagerly.

The next thing which I will plunder my braines and beat out the very quintesence of my noddle about, is the designe for Ireland, upon which sub­ject I doubt not but to belabour my invention so strongly, that you would thinke Tully were making an Oration against Cataline, or that an Apple-wench were scolding with a Pedlar in Barthalomew faire about a standing; or that a railing Lecturer were preaching a Sermon of damnation in a re­probate Auditory: nay, I feare not but you will crown me Cob-warden of all the Wardens in Europe or New-England; which is more.

The great necessity of this Designe appeares to my conscience, but in two particulars onely. First, the reparation of our losses past: and secondly, the expectation of a mighty profit to come; for which two causes onely (with­out any collaterall or other consideration of blood-shed▪ or any thing else) I doe urge this unto you. As for our losses, they are more then Arirhma­ticke can number; and that is a great deale you will say, yet it is true, though he that counts it easie to multiply the Sands and the Starres were to be the accountant. And thus it appeares, many of us here present and ma­ny hundreds more have wittily taken the opportunity of the Rebellion in Ireland, to compound their debts here, under pretence of losses there; which in my judgement is a most inscrutinous and unsearchable pretence; and he that gave the first example thereof deserves to be made Master of the Company of Bankerouts; I would have you all learne it. And I con­fesse, I my selfe would follow it, but that it doth not agree with the rules of Citie pride; for then I should be compelled to forsake my Wardenship, and my wife to give the wall, which would breake her heart, or else breed such a dissention betwixt us, that she would breake mine. But I say, by vertue of this ingeniously mischievous pretence, you might inrich your debt Bookes to a treble estate, and never come within the compasse of controlement, and so cozen your Creditors and the Comissioners of Bankerours with a clenly neat excuse, and invisible peece of knavery, I even tickle with the conceit of it: you may thereby preserve your money to buy Land in Ire­land, [Page] and so after the Conquest, have that estate there in reality, which now you doe but pretend to have. Now truely I thanke you all for that loving Him, it is a most evident token of your pronenesse to take my advice; and I doubt not but to my glory and your comfort, it will be followed with spee­dy effect, especially if the King be not pacified and returne home againe. The second cause why I presse this Designe (as I said before) is the mighty benefit which thereby will acrew; he that adventures two hundred pounds for a thousand Acres, purchaseth for the said two hundred pounds, five and twenty pounds a yeere at six pence an Acre per annum, (I made my man Jehos [...]phat Singularily cast it up this morning.) And this kinde of profit is peculiar onely to us money-mungers. The benefit which will redound to the Souldiers is of another nature, viz. that transparent and invisible trea­sure called Honour, the proper advancement of all resolved spirits: For alas, what should they doe with Lands or estates, to hinder their brave atchieve­ments and redoubted under-takings. It is enough they come home with halfe their lims, thereby enabled to be Pentioners of the County Treasury, under the limitation of maimed Souldiers, in genteele ragges, and not a louse that creepes upon those rags, but a gentleman by the Law of Armes; the totall of their whole Revenue consisting of honourable scars, and rusty Whinyards that will not be pawned; arguments of more validity for them to swagger, and dam and sinke withall, then infinite wealth could be; and may but their idoll Fortune be so favourable as to afford them meanes to procure Ale and Tobacco, why they will live as happily as the great Tuk [...]; though meat and cloathes be things utterly worne out of their memories. And so much for this Designe.

Now for my period, my ultimum, my nil ultra, the very Garland of my good Will to the Publique; and that is the feares and jealousies which doe now possesse the Kingdome; I will but onely grunt you out a modicum, a touch, a relish, a short twang of them, and then end with the same modesty, gravity and wisdome that I began.

Concerning these Feares and Jealousies; they are of a most dangerous nature and high consequence, the greatest that ever was in any Time or Na­tion; but truly neither I nor any-man living can tell what they are, or from whence they should arise: but without all doubt there is great cause, or else there would not be such talking of them: And it appeares by an example here present, for all you that now snore so lowd, could not have beene so sleepy had not Fears and Jealousies kept you waking: Besides, now I thinke out, there are some apparent causes, as my self do feare lest Jehosophat should get my Daughter Dorcas with child, for Jehosophat is a notable boy, and hath said prayers at a Conventickle, and the girle hath a strain both of Father [Page] and mother in her. You neighbour Gripe do fear least your wife should know you keep a whore at Putney, and you brother Brush fear least you should be hangd for speaking high treason a gainst the King; and truly we all fear one thing or other. And for our Jealousies, all of us here present, that have hansome wives are jealous of them, and not without good cause: and those that have not, are jealous of other women, and some are jealous of their servants; so that you see there are both Fears and Jealousies groun­ded upon considerable causes. Now truly how to prevent the effects of these Fears and Jealousies, is not within the compasse of my Ingenuity: For it is not the Militia, the stopping of Ports, and holding Garison Towns, that can keep our Wives, Daughters, and Servants honest, if they have a minde to cockolds, or try whether they be able to fructifie: No, no Italian Locks will not do it: nay, for ought I know, your wife neighbor Spider may be just now at it▪ for I saw Green the Felt-maker go that way as I came toth Hal: O tremble not neighbor, she hath (no doubt) discretion to do nothing but what is spirituall and secret, meerly to take down the pride of the flesh, for Ile as­sure you that Act is as great a help to the mortification of fleshly desires, as the longest fast that ever was kept. Now there are other Fears and Jealou­sies; but as I said, so I say again, I cannot imagine from whence they should proceed, unlesse we should fear lest the Devill should too soon take a swift Vengeance on us for our damnable Extortions, and Cousenage in the sale of out Commodities: And yet why should we fear that we are already sure on. Well, since there is no remedy; we will fear still, and be jealous still: And (without all question) when the Danger comes upon us, we shall know the cause thereof: In the mean time, I will sit down and fall asleep, and hold my peace.