ACT. I. SCENE I.

Where in the name of Priscian hast thou been, thou sanguine syring-man?

Oh this wicked world! I'le tell you Sir the sto­ry: This cap you see (pointing to his head) covers a cruell wound. I yesternight met with a crew of those, who talk of heaven, and of a place of torment, to whom when I began to preach our Doctrine, one of the company with a pewter pot struck me upon the head with all his might.

Alas poor Dose, there's no such strong necessity for to divulge our Doctrine in all companies.

That men should be such fools, to pinnion their own arms, tie their own legs, and propose such strange nothings to themselves, on purpose for to keep themselves in awe. When would they but perceive their happinesse, both this world and the next is solely theirs; nor can they lose their way although they would.

No more of this at present (my dear Dose) thou know'st, [Page 2] though by our only sacred Laws, every mans wife must be at his friends use, yet Pigwidgin the Tayler thwarts our custome; he is content to rant with other women, but to expose his own Spouse he denies; now have I plotted for to circumvent him: Thou knowst we meet anon at Sychophantios, where while (as is our use) we drink and roar, step thou home and bring thence some sleepy potion, which I'le infuse into his cup: so while he steeps, I'le use his wife before him, 'twill be rare sport.

With all my heart, 'tis a work meritorious: we must sometimes save souls against their wills! Oh here are all the Gang.—

How now Pan, where hast thou been my dear Pan­dorses.

My much admired Master, I am but now come from my sad imployment, I am so wearied and tyred vvith ran­ting it, that I am not my self, so consequently yours.

Why, what hast done for our infernall grace? prethee report, do they increase and multiply?

Most reverend Devill, I have obtained in your behalf the choice of all the Town, as Citizens wives, and others that will be led away, and there improved much.

I must confesse my most obsequious Ningle, thou hast behaved thy self and our affairs with admirable diligence, and for thy pains, thou shalt obtain my favour for thy gains.

Pray Sir your approbation.

I have survey'd the Universe, as France, Spain, and Italy, yet cannot parallel the Ranters of this our English Climate; I've blinded them with pleasures of this world, by putting on a mask of Religion to make't no sin, that makes my proselites run headlong down to the infernall lake, where Cerberus transports them to their supposed joy, where yet at last, into infernall flames at length they're cast.

A good reward for such servants.

But prethee Pan, let me see how they improve, let's have one merry Jig before we depart.

Please you great Sir you shall.

Come away, make no delay, of mirth we are no scanters,

Dance and sing all in a Ring, for we are Joviall Ranters.

Hovv like you these mad pranks of these our Joviall Crew?

Most exquisitely well performed, I have not knovvn the [Page 4] like, let them go on, and for their hire, I will revvard them vvith eternall fire.

What means this horrid noise? sure 'tis some dire pre­sage of these our horrid actions, yet I hope my dear Associates, this is but the praeludium to our mirth, let's novv to Sychophan­tios.

Where vve vvill drink svveet Wine and strong To­bacco, till vve become immortall, there's Philosophy for you.

ACT. II. SCENE I.

Gossip, if I am not on fire to be acquainted vvith some of this nevv Sect, may I vvant silver-lace for my next pet­ticoat, and be injoyned not to vvear so much as a Buckingham­shire edging upon my smocks.

And so have I Mrs. Idlesby, vvithout doubt they are a rare Society, lead heavenly lives, nothing but acting good for one another, drinking love-healths, and amorous departments.

They are the only people: O vvhat a put [...]e [...] our Di­vines do keep for honesty, honour, and vertuous life! not to make Minotaurs of our gentle husbands; no mirth, no due re­freshment must be had, save vvhat our impotent husbands vvill allovv: I am resolv'd to be of their Religion, and go to heaven the nearest vvay.

A match, then vvee'l be Convertites together: this very day the prime of all the gang, the chief'st Theologists, and vvorthiest fisters of all that zealous Tribe are met together at Sychophantios house, the lime-hound Tavern, shall vve go to 'em?

With all my heart, Iovve my life unto thee for the motion, let's avvay.

The breeches are my ovvn, henceforth I'le rant.

No vvay but this to be predominant.

Drawer (he knocks) where's your Master Sirrha?

At hand quoth pick-purse.

Fill me all the empty vessells in the house, I'le except none, with pure and sparkling Racy.

Chamber-pots and all Sir?

Out Rogue, jeer me! strikes him.

Oh, oh, oh!

What's the matter Noble Gentlemen?

This Rogue your servant here—

Sir, I am much obliged unto your love, that you would deign to castigate him; what wine wilt please this ho­nour'd company to have brought in, and eke what quantity?

'Twould be too tedious and too troublesome, to drag a But of right Canary hither, fill us some twenty Gallons of rich Sack, let lights adorn the room in every angle, a pound of right Varina, and a grosse of shining pipes, fit for a females touth.

Twenty Flaggons—'twill not amount to thimble fulls a piece, thirty wil serve to give the onset with.

Your humble servant, the wine propos'd shall wait you presently.

Kisse close, kisse close my hearts, each suck Nepenthe from his females lips, until our Nectar do approach.

Alll joys wait on this joviall company, this in obedi­ence to your just commands.

Rare Sychophantio, th'art the best Steward to Venus that ever fill'd quart pot.

Ha! ha! ha! Steward to Bacchus you mean Asinego, but [Page 6] Wine and Venery are so near allied, 'twas but a slight mistake: now drink like Dutchmen (while we sing Paeans to the plump cheek'd god) let's tipple till we have swallow'd down their Charter, that for the future, when men quaffe profoundly, they may be said to drink like us: Here Mrs. Pigwidgin, to our next procreation.

Hum, hum, hum!

A health to Mrs. Wriggle, as second to our Master; I pro­pose it.

I thank you fellow-creatures, I'le serve either of you soul and body. They all drink lustily, while Apostatus whispers Dose, and he goes off.

Lovely Mrs. All-prate, in this I cele­brate the creatures health, who now is plowing on the angry main, whose saddle I supply, hee'l thank me for't.—

Mrs. All-prate. He were a divel else: Here's to thee dear Violentus, this will inable thee 'gainst next perfor­mance, you were faultringly feeble in the last.

Mrs. Crave drink. Here's old drinking to me, have I a dogs face that I'me so neglected?

Better this Town were buried in the Sea: here dear Mrs. Crave-dri. my best indeavors ever wait upon you.

Mrs. All-prate. Here sweet Mr. Dose: Ha! where's Mr. Dose.

Apostatus Perhaps gone to evacuate: see hee's come.

Fit to be Tutor to a Tribe: here fellow-creature, here's a whole slash to thee.

I'le pledge thee, wer't to him they call old Rug:

Put off your hats Gentlemen.

The Devill's an Asse like thee, and not worth drinking to: strike high ye sonnes of Orpheus and Arion.

A Hall, a Hall:

[Page 7]

Let no man fear for to board me:

Come my brethren of the Base Violl, some whim, some ayre, some catch. Fidler The best and newest Sir in Town.

[Page 8]

This must go round, do off your hats till the pavement be crown'd With your Beavers:

A red-coated-face frights the Serjeant and his Mace, And the Constable trembles to shivers.

Call, call aloud, and ne're cease till the pots together crowd In Battalia;

Excellent! did this Minerva take flight from John Taylors, or Martin Parkers brain.

From neitheir Sir, an utter Barester fathers 'em, which makes some laugh, that the fool should be so ambitious to rock the Cradle.

Sweet Mrs. All prate, I grow proud beneath the Navell, and must needs crave your aid with an &c.

Sir, I am none of your Jigging girls, who will play with a­ny bable, I am sufficiently acquainted with the flatulency of your Nerve.

Mum, mum.

Here's a health to all our friends in Kent, let her pledge me that dares make the Beast with tvvo backs before the whole Society.

By all the fl [...]sh on my back, a cordiall motion, the work is pious we attempt, 'twill add to the audacity of our Brethren.

Rare rare, here dearest fellow-creatures, I mean you that walk in Adonis Gardens to gather flowers once a moneth, more Wine there.

I come Sir, the Devill choak ye, ye rude Rogues, I must think of some way to be revenged for my broken pate.

ACT III. SCENE I.

Enter Sychophantio.

Honoured Gentlemen; here are two handsome Females with­out, that desire admittance into your company.

Let 'em come in, let 'em come in, I know the parties very well.

Conduct 'em to us; two handsome women saist thou?

Some of our ovvn Society sure.

You shall find it lively enough anon Sir, to the lulling of all your sickly senses.

I shall observe it strictly Sir: excellent oportunity; I' [...]e be reveng'd on all for one mans folly.

Assist me Bachus in this queint Vagary,

As thou expect'st the sale of thy Canary.

Welcome ye lovely pair: your amiable aspects do proclaim you come as friends for to associate us; treachery cannot lurk under such looks, vvhere Cupid and the Graces love to lodge.

Excellent creatures! Oh my bodkin troubles me.

They rivall Venus, mother Dione, Juno her self, or fair Astioche.

These faces are unknovvn to me, yet welcome fellow-crea­tures.

Idlesby, Knovv holy crevv, the fame of your fair lives, having once reach'd my ears, set me a longing to be made one of your blest Society, more then vvhen I vvas big vvith my Son Toby, and needs must eat a piece of rosted Bacon: be pleas'd to name me one of your Associates, and I dare challenge Superiority above an Eastern Queen.

She speaks my thoughts, and my desires.

They've certified enough, vvhat need prolixity?

Drink to the tvvo beauties, and then imitate them vvith mem­bers of our bodies.

Drink deep my hearts for joy of this new Union.

[Page 10]

And let the stream of the strong Indian weed involve us as we sit i'th clouds.

So this was punctually perform'd: this (my pair of Beauties) is the first graduall step to your uni­ting; come fellow-creatures now unto our Ceremo­nies.

The Song.

By Pluto's Crown, Proserpines hair,

Cerberus yell, Alecto's chair,

By Epicurus happy life,

And Messalina, Claudius wife;

By Ʋenus Gloves, and Lais paint,

By Iezabel our chiefest Saint:

By Goats desires, and Monkies heat,

Spanish flies and stirring meat,

By the vigour of an horse,

By all things of strength and force,

By Alcides back of steel,

By Ioves escapes, Omphales wheel,

Now having finished this pious work, let's drink deep healths unto the happy solace, we of the shirt may find with these two Sisters.

What ho! some Wine and more Tobacco there.

Here Gentlemen, novv Rhamnusia aid me in my revenge, vovvd for my broken scull, that which Dose gave me for to spice Pig­widgins cup, I've mix 'mongst all this vvine—ha—those tvvo faces I have [Page 11] seen e're novv in milder company: he spies Idlesby and Doe-little! Ostrange, they tvvo turn'd Ranters! I'le presently acquaint their hus­bands vvith't:

Drink deep my Rogues untill you fall asleep,

A guard I'le fetch, your persons safe to keep.

Me thinks vv'are dul, quite lost unto our liquor: this quart I'le svuallovv: novv fair Mrs. Idlesby and Doe-little, to those dulced joys we shall make ours the time we mingle limbs.

'Tis almost midnight—come, vve lose time.

I wonder Pigwidgin holds up so long, art sure Spolario gave it him?

O doubt it not, there's plummets hangs upon my eye-lids, I hardly can keep open the casements.

Goodnight Brethren of the ranting humour, I must needs snore a while:

Enter Spolario with the Constable, and the Watch.

Not a word to my Master—

Never fear it, the State shall give thee thanks for this discovery: I charge you my friends in the Kings Name, cry mercy in the Name of the Keepers of the Liberties of England, to indeavour to awake these persons as well by kicking as pinching, and other laudable means, according to the Statute.

1. Watchman: Sir 'tis in vain, they have drunk themselves dead, or else (as the wise man saith) are dead drunk.

Noble Mr. Constable, What's the matter here?

Matter quoth you? Sir you keep a disordered house; the State shall know it: for ought I know these men and women here have drunk their lives away.

Ile assure you Sir they had not above a pottle of Sack amongst 'em, I wonder at the accident.

Call me a hackney vessell hither, Ile have them (drunk or dead as they are) to Finsbury, 'twill be a peece of extraordinary justice: every man take one of these on his back (pay your selves for your portage with what you find in their pockets) lay them in seemly ranks within the coach, and guard them hence to Finsbury.

2. VVatchman. It shall be done Sir.

ACT IV. SCENE I.

Tother quort my hearts; this health deserves, the highest celebration. What all asleep! drunk as I live. He looks a­bout him. He knocks. Ha! this room is strangely alter'd since last night. The Rogue Sycophantio has put a trick upon us.

What want you Sir?

Want say'st thou? prethee what place is this? where's Sycophantio?

This, my friend, is Finsbury, a receptacle of theeves, debters, and drunkards: I am the Keeper of the place.

Here's a miracle: prethee how came we here?

A coach Sir brought you hither, and a Constable.

So ho, so ho, so ho! He wakes the rest

Sweet sister, I am not now dispos'd for dalliance; another time Ile doubly do my duty.

What ho! They have drank Laethe sure, some Poppey or Mandragora: W'are all undone: A Constable and his Watch (like saw­cy Devills) have given us transportation to this Goal, we know not when nor how.

Mercy on me; where are are we now?

O Mrs. Doe-little! w'are all undone.

Peace fool; are we not all Ranters? That Dose whisper­ing Aposta­tus. very epithete is of force enough to protect us against our husbands violence. This Rogue Spolario has spoil'd us all.

You should have followed my advice, and done the task I did prescribe your self.

O Pigwidgin, what will become of us!

ACT V.

Dear Mr. Clink, you have extremely obliged our gratitudes: good Sir, what have you done with the other gang?

Ene clapt 'um altogether in one room; they are strange fel­lows, and may be well call'd Ranters; they have uncloath'd themselves unto their shirts, and their apparell they have laid to gage for strong [Page 14] drink and Tobacco: they drink healths, and swear and roar, as if they felt no cold, each with a pair of irons on his heels.

You use our fellow-creatures too severely, but 'tis not in our powers to help the matter: let us intreat you dearest Sisters all, to fol­low Mr. Clink to the next room; we will begin with these two Ladies first, and so with all of you by turns.

Come Ladies

To'ther go naked for their pleasures, you

Shall for my profit be as naked too.

Now thou vile strumpet, dost thou know this face?

My husband! Oh I am undone.

Impudent whore, is this your zeal to goodnesse, to journey eve­ry morn e're six a clock unto S. Antholins to hear a Lecture, with a great Bible of Geneva print; your Table-book too, to take Sermon notes?

Take heed Sir what you do, I am a Ranter.

Oh, oh! dear husband.

This punishment is too poor for their deserts: you huswife I'le not beat, or spurn, I will do more then that: these cloaths I gave you, come uncase, uncase.

You minion must participate her fate.

For heavens sake husband pardon me.

Thou art beyond the bounds of absolution.

Ene go together, these would comber you: now you are fitter to dance Lavaltoes.

Can you be so hard hearted?

Yes I'le assure you, no th'art a right Ranter.

Here I for ever take my leave of thee: nay, no whining now: see here are all your fellow-Caco-Oxmons—

Go, go, mingle your selves amongst 'em, 'tis but in vain to tire me with Petitions.

I'le get me a new Mate, but I'le beware whom I wed for thy sake, whom I durst once have sworn to be most vertuous.

[Page 15]

Enter Apostatus, Violentus, Asinego, Dose, Robustio, Minks, Fulsome, and all the She-Ranters in their shirts and smocks, a Bea­dle with a whip, and other Officers.

March faster Gentlemen Ranters, march faster; I have others that wait to be dispatch'd as well as you.

O Apostatus, what shall we do!

Doe? be as thou art in shew, a man, and bear affliction pa­tiently.

Oh Sir, but when affliction comes like a fury, with a Whip in her hand! Oh 'tis a sore triall; would I had never learn't the Art of Ran­ting.

Here Sir, take this She-Ranter in amongst the rest.

And this too, she is one of the Society, though of a younger date.

The more the merrier, I am resolv'd to Rant it to the last.

Farewell sweet Idlesby; now we must part,

Lash my wife well prethee, I'le pay thee for't.

VVritten by S. S. Gent.

Licensed and Published according to Order: