CHAP. I. Sheweth how the Hectors of the times came to their profession, and how they got that noble Name.
THere was no sooner an end put to the Wars of England, but a great company of Officers and Souldiers being discarded, they repaired to the famous City of London, in hope that new troubles would arise, to maintain them in the same disordered courses they formerly practiced in the Armies, but missing fewell to feed the fire of their desires, they began to study living by their wits; A plausable terme the Gallants are pleased to afford their actions: and after several consultations held amongst them, 'twas thought convenient by the better sort to dispose themselves into certain gangs and companies, where, for their better ordering affaires they tooke to themselves the name of Hectors, otherwise Knights of the Blade: But processe of time brought other loose Fellowes into their company, who affected with the ranting humours and manner of life, which these Bravado's led, they imbraced to themselves the profession and Name of Hectors; a thing not much to be admired; considering how these odde kind of people doe live at as high expence of Dyet, Drinke, and Cloathes, as most Gentlemen of estates in this Commonwealth; And to the better clearing of the businesse, I will very exactly discover unto you, their profession, manner of life, Laws, Articles, Customes, and what not, to the conducing to their ends of living.
Chap. II. Sheweth their Profession and manner of Life.
AS for their profession 'tis an art will require both expense and observation, with some pains, ere a man can become a perfect proficient in it: And certainly, the first founder of it was some ingenious man; who scorning to be beholding to a Trade, or other Art to get a living, but such as might carry with it a great sence of pleasure, did out of severall humors of several men, study so much, till it brought him to an absolute practice. But to the purpose, Some though they for a while live well, yet, are often so unhappy, as to die ill: 'tis a profession which exposeth them to all sorts of hazards and perils, as to Prisons, Marshalsees, Sessions; and at last to the Metropolitan Sessions of the Old Baily, where 'tis ten to one, but a reverend Judge, with the help of Evidences, and Jury, doth put an end to their labours. The truth of it is, those that (as commonly, most do) live madly, doe dye tamely; yet some there are, who having soules like Hector indeed (though imployed to worse ends) do go to Tiburne with as much seeming chearfulnesse, as another may go to a Taverne; They live all upon the spoyle, and very often undo one another, for want of a general acquaintance; for you must know, there are several Gangs or Companies, some meaner, and some higher; but alwaies a provident care is had, that if upon inquiry the busines may be discovered, ther is to the wronged party a restitution made, but this must be referred to the discription of their Laws, & Customs which in the nextch▪ you shal have at ful Al that I can say to their maner of life is, that it consists much in cheat and cousenage, gaming, decoying, pimping, whoring, swearing, and drinking, and with the nobler sort, in robbing.
Chap. III. Sheweth their Lawes, Articles and Customes established among them.
I Come now to treat of their Lawes, Articles, and Customes, by which they steere and guide this great Hectorean work of theirs, to the best advantage for themselves. And to begin, First, that no man shall be admitted into their [Page 3] Gangs or Companies, whilst they have any Guelt, or till it be spent upon the Gang or Company into which they are to ingage themselves. 2. That no quarrell amongst themselves shall bee brought to Duell, but by the consent of that whole Gang; or it must be reconciled by any two or more, no man ingaging as a second without the like consent. 3. That they shal without dispute cheat any man, though it were the father of one of them, and the son of such a father, not to be offended at it. 4. That they shall give a true account of what Cloaks, Hats, Swords, Mony, Rings, or other purchase shall be gotten upon the adventure, and a proportionable allowance given to the maintenance of the Gang where they bee ingaged. 5. That they shal not at any band reveale or discover the house or houses of randesvouze, where such moneys or prizes so taken are shared, and commonly spent. 6. That if any one or two or more, shall miscarry by discovery, by apprehension, or surprizall, they shall not though in case of death, discover any other parties of the Gang. 7. That whoever shall be so prodigal in their speech, as in their ranting to produce any discourse of their manner of life, shall have a round forfeit laid on him, which shal be payable out of the share of the next purchase, and be spent amongst the Gang; for it is a point of dishonour in them to take dry mony, in such cases, from any brother of the sword, otherwise called Hectors.
Chap. IV. Prosecuteth the story of the Hectors with their designs and Plots.
NOw you have heard their Lawes and ordinances, you must give me leave to acquaint you with their designs and plots, which are commonly very thriving, ther must then be a good acquaintance & correspondence with most Taverns of resort, great Ians, and Ordinaries, for thither repair the men with fleeces that these gallants intend to shear, and if there chance to be any Gentleman that hath occasion to go abroad in the night, these receive from one of the foresaid places an Alarme, and tis a thousand to one but there is a purchase made of Hat, Cloak, and mony; then they have certaine Decoyes, that goe finely clad, who enter Ordinaries, and gaming houses, and then draw on young puny Gentlemen to play, and suffer them to win, till delivering them to abler Gamesters of their Gang, they never leave the poore [Page 4] foole till he have never a crosse left to blesse himselfe with▪ which is his greatest crosse; well, they proceed on with others, and perhaps quarrell, which with eagernesse they pursue, and the young Gentlemen to save their skins, commonly come off with twenty pound, a Breakfast, or some other treatment; but one maine designe they have very considerable, which is, the setting two young Heires together by the eares, and then the Gang divides, some encline to this party, others to that; well, seconds are propounded, and it must be fought on Horse-back, but because the Hectors are not interessed, but upon the young Gentlemens score, they must provide Horses, with convenient furniture; which done, there are not wanting some of the Gang to perswade the young Gentlemen to peace; who at first like brave Gallantoes, and stout men, scorne such motions, but drawn on by good words, and strong perswasions, they referre it to Arbitration, and this drawes large rewards to the Umpieres, the businesse is agreed on, the Gentlemen made friends; but now the seconds storme, saying, They are abus'd, to be drawne into engagement to no purpose; the Gentlemen to stop their mouthes, gives them some handsome gratuity besides their Horses and Armes, and now by this device they are mounted for the High way.
Chap. V. Sheweth how the Hectors imploy themselves when in stock, with other flim flams fit to be recounted.
TO proceed, the Hectors having got themselves in stocke, must now for a while solace themselves in pleasure, and they first march to a Baudy-house, for the recreation of a Wench, where many times they finde that service something of the hottest, and returne soundly clapt, but however these things must be done; after some time spent there, according to their fancies, every man his Wench, they part, going whether their dispositions, or interest in friends lead them; good company without question, for you must take notice every man carries his Wench with him, and they ramble, Coaching it up and down as long as any money lasts, and then these valiant Hectors have the trick (for the conclusion of their mirth) of the pawning the poore Girles for some deep reckoning. But here I cannot [Page 5] forget the Story of one witty Girle, who being taken abroad by one of these Gallants, who was very full of money, she having been formerly acquainted with such active youthes; did every night for conclusion make him soundly drunk, in which time she would call for the reckoning, which he in that humour would pay, and afterwards she would pick his Pockets of some proportion of monies, which he would not misse, imagining all went in reckonings, at last one way and other all was gone; then he began to tell the Lady of Pleasure the end of his stock, who resolute to put a trick upon him, told him, she had monies, and now in requitall she would treat him, which was accepted; so they continued their mirth, and cheere till the reckoning came to some foure pound; so one evening she, as she was accustomed, going downe to bespeake what she lik'd for Supper, seeing the way cleare, gave him the adiew, leaving the Gentleman in the lurch, who was faine with the resigning up his rich Cloake to make even the reckoning, and was faine to march with a Plimouth cloake in querpo, till an after purchase gave him a recruit.
Chap. VI. Sheweth what the Hectors (when all designes faile them) doe to recruit.
WHen they are cleare out of stock, and know not what to doe by reason of missing their Adventures, they presently consult what course to take, at last one of them hath some slight acquaintance with some Country Gentleman, or some Punie of the Innes of Court, to whom he is resolved to send a Letter for a recruit; wherein he intimates his being a Gentleman, his being driven to a present streight, which he desires he would be pleased to remedy, & he shal be re-paid at pleasure; this is sent by some well spoken Gallant of the Gang, who must have a great portion of confidence, and upon deniall of the favour take the liberty to tell him, That it is an abuse for the Gentleman to lose his expectation, and himselfe his labour; this may perhaps workes my peaceable man, if not, comes a direct challenge, and that undoubtedly doth it; so for the present there is a recruite of some five, or tenne, perhaps twenty pounds, which conveyed to a Taverne, makes them merry with [Page 6] Sack, till they contrive some abler Plots, or have some adventure happen to them, which by and by will without question befall them.
Chap. VII. Sheweth their Taverne humours, with other things pertinent.
IN this veine of Mirth they continue, when enters the house some two or three Gentlemen, with a disposition to be merry; they are by the Hectors perceived, who now intend a prize, they then first by some occasion or other, cause one of their company to give an affront, the Gentlemen they stomach it, and the Hectors seemingly chide their Companion for his fault, which so much the more whets the Gentlemen on, at last they grow so high that the whole Gang suddenly side with their companion, professing that the others were to blame, not to be content with their chiding him; hereupon begins an universall quarrel, so for the more handsomnesse they for the present leave brawling, and betake themselves to one roome, where they calmely dispute it; at the upshot, either it is ended by Duel, (if so the Hectors may have an ill adventure of it) or by composition which doth most commonly happen, and then it is to their great advantage, for though most men wil stand upon terms of revenge and justification, yet they will not all fight, and the truth of it is, the Hectors for the most part are men composed of much courage and resolution, but unhappy in the want of a better imployment; however I will here insert a Story of a Gentleman who was drawne in to be a Hector; he coming to Towne, and falling into the company of these Gallants, did behave himselfe so merrily, and pleasingly, that they much esteemed him, and he by their carriage, and some discourses he had heard of them, suspected them to be what in truth they were; so frolick with wine, he was resolved to put a tricke upon them in his company, which were three; he desires them to tell him, how he might get an acquaintance with the Hectors, of whose company he would gladly be one; they discover themselves, and propound the conditions, which are accepted, so the Gentleman spends all his money, and pawnes his rich Cloake for six pound more, which was laid downe on the table to be spent, and then the aforesaid Lawes were read, and an Oath taken, [Page 7] that whatsoever they did to one another should not come within the compasse of a quarrell. All agreed, they fall merrily to drinking, but on a suddain the new sworn Hector start [...] up, puts on his sword, and seizing the mony, pockets it, and stepping to a chaire takes one of the Hectors Cloakes, full as good as his owne, and so offers to goe away, the company askes him what he means, he answers to keep his oath, which as wel as he could remember was to cheat any, yea, his own father for a need; and that they were bound by oath to be satisfied, but if not, he wore a sword and would justifie it, and so departed, leaving my Hectors for the present, but afterwards upon further acquaintance he restored the Cloak, however they were forced to pay the reckoning.
Chap. VIII. Recounts severall flim-flams in relation to the brave redoubled Hectors, but no kin to Trojans.
ANd thus these people drive on a strange Trade, sometimes have mony, sometimes none, but always confident and ful of hope; if any hath it, they will be bold to accept part, whether you will be so courteous as to give it or no; but in earnest, what they get they put to a good thrifty use, without which, they could not maintain their credit in houses of so great resort as they commonly come to, and that is drinking, which trade, when all others faile, they closely apply themselves to, and they will at some place or another pump hard but they will procure a credit, which they manage with such discretion that tis wonderfull to see; this without doubt is one of their deep fetcht policies, to make sure some certain place to repair to where they may not want these two great helps to life, Drinke and Tabacco; which for the most part especially, at vacation time is the best of their sustenance; & another grand convenience they have, in being certain where to meet, to foment new designs; which though dangerous, these well imployed Gentlemen are pleased to call convenient. They have severall Scouts upon the by, that give them certaine intelligence of Booties and Prizes, which to neglect, would to themselves call their care and valour into question; and another mad thing they receive, that such neglect is huge ill husbandry, though many times they are driven to make their account even at Tiburne. A great many pretty fine tricks they have to perswade themselves into this mischeif, into which being once entered [Page 10] they cannot finde one to fetch them out, besides that of the halter, which though others esteem base, yet these think an ornament; and when most shall pitty such fatal courses, they like great Potentates, want not flatterers to perswade them into it.
Chap. IX Sheweth other passages and courses that the Hectors take, but for all that they may come to be hanged
IT is a common saying and a true, as you live so you dye; and much verified by these gallants, only a little altered, as they live madly, they dye sadly: but much good may it doe them, 'tis their own seeking. They must to the high and mighty houses, where the Ladies of Pleasure doe abide, and your meaner sort of Hectors to the pittiful poore pimping-places of Sodome and Gomorah, names bad enough to turn a squemish stomach. I could name some persons and places of quality but I forbear, onely to let the world know there is such a Tribe in the world, which I cannot imagine did ever belong to those of Israel, but let that passe, the devil must have his due, and shal, or else these blades wil want of their wil, for they are so serious in their businesse, that they will play at small game rather then sit out: beleive it they are pretty fellowes, if you wil not you may chuse, for they will do themselves that courtesie as to beleeve it, and that is more then they doe in God; but stay, forbeare, not too much of that neither, least they take pet and grow angry, then roare sir Roger, Gunpowder Treason would not have given the Kingdome such a clap, as the Hectors would you, if you stir their spleen too much; but no matter, nothing venture nothing have; then ile proceed, for since I have shewne you some of their tricks, which be more then are good, Ile out with all, and then if you will not thank me you may chuse. They have a certaine rule amongst them, to share as precizely in their Wenching, as in their Purchase, which they cal knocking level coine, though oftentimes they receive harsh clappings, for more easie knockings; And here, and at the Gallowes they are most truly met withall; their lechery impaires their health, and the Hectorean purchasing, prising and robbing concludes their lives, and did their misery conclude there, 'twould be a great incouragement for others to venture.
Chap. X. Prosecuteth the story of the Hectors, with severall Ran-Dan [...].
BUt now roome for the new Trojans, the valiant Hectors, the Champions of the times, and Creams of Valour, the never enough renowned Gallanto's. For behold they are entred as drunk as Davids Sow, and now they begin their lesse hurtfull pranks, they first distast the wine,) and then they lend the pot to the Drawers head; who with a ceremonious leg takes it up, gives thanks for the favour, and downe staires he whips as light as a Tumbler; in his absence they scan the abuse, revile the house and all the family, protesting against it; and drinking there any more; but whilst they are in this fret and fume, behold the case is altered, and the Drawer returned with fresh wine; they taste it, and with charity to the honest good people of the house they beleeve it to be very good wine, when before God tis three times worse then the former, however, since it pleaseth let it passe, and honest Drawer serve them so stil. Wel, they drinke, and then adue Taverne, to the compleat Madams they goe, Ladies that are lodged and bred (and prettily too) in the most famous vaulting Schooles, where they exercise knocking, and that in variety: But at that time, and so pittifully drunk, they had as good the devil had made a visit to them, for at first dash upon the left distaste they quarrel with their black-patches, and so rudely handle them that they put the poor wretches bodies (generally indisposed to such usage) to as great torment as ever Inchanter did any Knight Errant: They proceed so far in their disorder, that the reverend Matrom of the house is forced to require a Constable, upon whose approach with assistance, the Gang is apprehended, but perhaps not without resistance, and are carryed before the next Justice, who loath to breed much trouble to himselfe for the present it being late, orders them to a certain place called the Round house, and this is the conclusion of that nights work; where, after all their bravery and ranting, they are glad to take a bad nights lodging, where we leave them til the morning.
Chap. XI. Relates the freedome of the Hectors from imprisonment.
THe devil is alwaies good to his children, though in the end they pay for it, as appeareth by the story of the Hectors, for the morning coming, they are brought before worshipful Mr. Justice, and there [Page 10] examined, but O the good stars that guide them! The Matrom, otherwise, Mistris Baud, with the Ladies, alias Whores, after departure from the Justice, consulting what were best to be done, they conclude, (that considering, the bringing these gallants to the prison might perhaps cause some others who suspected them for worse actions to fall foule on them, and perhaps bring them to a prison, whence they seldome depart without a Nosegay and a prayer booke: besides, cwould occasion a great losse of trade to them, and put others upon revenge, (which Whores fear worse then the devil) that no one would stir in the prosecution of them: the Justice seeing no accusers, and they so wise as not to confesse any thing of themselves, is content to let them goe upon security they will appeare before him when called; and the Constable who is very wel acquainted with such businesses becomes security to the Justice, thus they are dismist. But this happens not so well at all times, for often the bold Whores, who as they fear, so they love revenge, doe prosecute them eagerly, with different successes, but such things at one time or other do never want a revenge.
Chap. XII. Recounteth a great many Flim-Flams, happening to the Hectors upon the Ran-Dan.
ANd now they go to it had-nab, for they being freed, gives them occasion to report their danger and safety to their other acquaintance, which serves as a Decoy to draw their liquor down, which is taken so lustily that they become as drunk as ever; and in this veine they remember the infinite goodnesse of the Wenches, that forbore prosecuting them: Well, 'twere beneath Gentlemen to let favours of such an extraordinary quality goe un-required. I am of opinion these people are better then halfe mad, to exercise such civilities to a company of damned bitch Whores, thither they goe, where after certain complements they become friends, and then begins the sport which would make a horse burst his halter, for there is such singing, dancing, (and without question the noble exercise of vaulting on a bed so much spoken of, is not left unpractised,) and drinking of healths streined through the girles smocks, stripping off cloathes, leaping over stooles, drinking healths under thighs, women and all, with Coats and Smocks turned up, heigh for Anthony; with such other pretty seat whimsies, which administers such a delight to the old Band (who for seven yeares past had [Page 11] left to be a woman, and can now doe nothing but mump) that 'tis her only jocund recreation; the Devil is in them all I thinke, here's a stirre, God Dam—, cryes one (in a rapture) here's a health to Liberty, and the Devil take the Justice; O Brother, quoth a second, have a care, Hedges have eares; Pla— on thee cryes a third, what Hedges? here be no Hedges quoth a fourth, but the Wenches Commodities, and they are Ditches too; gray mercy quoth another, I never heard they had eares before, but faith ile try to confirme it; and then begins the frolick sir, Tantara rara, she trots, she trots; Hey-day, here's a coyle, at which the old Bawd sits and mumps, full sorry those dayes are past with her, but what cannot be cur'd must be endur'd; at last comes night, the company breakes up, and to their lodgings till morning.
Chap. XIII. Sheweth their continuall practise.
WEll, the morning is come, and the Gang met at a tipling-schoole, perhaps no money, or but a very little, how ever thither they come, as having some credit there; their first query is, where to dine; and their second is, how to pay for it; 'tis not long in dispute, but put to a venture, they resolve on a Cookes shop known by any one of the Gang, where they drop in two by two; he that is acquainted with the Cooke bespeakes the Dinner, which when ready is brought up, and eaten; if there be so much money left among them, one cals the Boy privately, and bids him fetch a Bottle of Wine, which when brought, the first Hector seeing it stormes, and chases, calling up the man of the house, and tels it him in a great deale of rage, the boy is chidden, and perhaps gets a cuffe on the eare, but however the meat is eaten, and the drinke is drunke, after Dinner comes a Pipe of Tobacco, and then discourse, so the first Hector that bespoke the Dinner, makes the Cooke sit downe, and then tels the Gentlemen what an honest Cooke he is, with a great deale of circumstance, desiring his friends so long as they stay in Towne to frequent his house, which they most ceremoniously promise; this workes hugely on the Cook, who thinks himselfe much indebted to this Gentlemans care; to be short, he cals the Cooke aside, bids him score the Dinner for him, for meeting the Gentlemen being but new come to Towne, he was unprovided of monies, only a little to goe to the Taverne after Dinner; [Page 14] but he would send it as soone as he got to his Lodging; the Cooke thankes him, and up comes a bottle of Wine, the Cock [...]-combe had sent for out of his new hopes, which is gratefully accepted by the Gentlemen, and drunke accordingly, so in conclusion having plentifully dined, and taken order for the reckoning, they depart in quest of new adventures, which Gallants of this stampe can seldome misse.
Chap. XIIII. Releteth new adventures happening to the Hectors.
VEry well armed against Hunger they take the streetes, not all together, that were too notable, but two and two, and on several sides, so they walk directly along, and it often happens that some or other of them justles some Gentleman, whom by attendance, or garb, they imagine of quality and estate; the Gentleman scorning affronts, resents it, and will not yeeld the wall; and the other, for so the Plot must be, desires forbearance in the street, and they shall give and take satisfaction in another place, concluded, they goe to a Taverne, where they dispute the businesle, which at the upshot comes to this; The Gentleman who was affronted considers his Wife, Children, and estate, weighes not so much the hazzard of fighting, as inconveniencies which will arise to those neare relations, and suspecting the truth of the businesse, propounds some reward to excuse fighting, which though at first slighted, yet at last comes off for a matter of twenty Peeces, which is counted a pretty good adventure; and for all my jeasting, let me tell you one thing of their honesty, they returne and pay the Cook, bespeake a Supper, whereby they erect a credit, and if you doe not heare they leave him in the lurch at last, then it is a Miracle, and so farre they may be reputed honest.
Chap. XV. Sheweth other quirks and quillets of the Hectors.
ILe now tell you a story convenient for this History, in relation to the businesse formerly related, and 'tis thus; A certaine Gentleman of good quality walking in the Street encountreth a Hector, who very fine, thought to have taken the Wall, and so clapt close to it; the Gentleman suspecting nothing, seeing him clap so close to the wall, asked, what he meant, the Hector replyes, I will not give the wall to any foole in England; but I will, replyed the Gentleman, and so departed, leaving both wall [Page 15] and foole to Mr. Hector, but certainly these Redamontado's, these greatly brave fellowes, when they consider the unhappy lives they lead, cannot chuse but highly resent it, in my judgement they should, for to have a continuall care upon their hands of providing themselves food and raiment, with such extraordinary danger attending it, the danger making it not at all in this case honourable, but happy be luckey, they are resolved for it, and to that purpose they resolve upon a whole beny of Mistresses, which they get up and downe the Towne as their starres direct them; and 'tis usuall with these Gallants to fleece them, till they leave them as bare as an Hens arse, and then they get others who must run the like careere of Fortunes, for having once given but possession of the maine to these ill minded Gallants, they shal not be left as long as Money, Jewels, Watches, Rings, or any other things of value, yea their cloathes, nay their very Smocks and all doe last, and these poore fooles are so besotted, that they cannot any way endeavour to evade these dangers, which those giddy-headed Gallants lead them into; my heavie curse light upon them that thus corrupt good natures, putting them a wrong byas; but for the Sodomiticall Whores and Bauds, with the Sisters of Gomorrah, let them light upon all the misfortunes imaginable.
Chap. XVI. Proceeds in the stories of the Hectors, with some flim flams.
THese be the Gallants, Gentlemen that enjoy a great portion of the earth, and though they live not by the sweat of their browes, yet assuredly they make their braines ake; these be the Blades, Brothers of the Sword, the noble Hectors, Champions of the time, men whose backes are steele, who can afford you more Oathes and Lyes then other discourse; O the Devil, that such men were ever part of the Creation, whose broken fortunes must be upheld by others ruines, they are like infection, fly up and downe the Towne without controle, crying, have at all my boyes; these noble souls, with a murrian to them, must have their rich Wine and Sauces, with variety, and Hab nab they wil have it, when God knowes some innocent Gentleman, that dreames of nothing but the good of his Country, and family, is, to avoid a quarrel in effect, made a Purse-bearer to these Goliah-like Champion Hectors, I would the State would banish them all into the barren Mountaines of Scotland, there to converse with hunger and cold, hard Lodging, and Lice, to the taming their pride and [Page 14] prodigality, for I have little hope of their conversion, except they chance to come to Tiburn, and I think them most happy that go that way, for there they take some little time to repent; whereas by other deaths they take none at all, for either they dye by Duel, and then they study too much honour to repent, or by sicknesse, and then they wil not beleeve their deaths; or by some sudden rancounter, or designe, and then tis so sudden, and in the act of wickednesse, that 'tis impossible they should ever repent there, and thus these loose fellowes doe in a trice bring themselves to destruction and ruine, for a little time of pleasure, which if they did consider with what a price they yearne it, they would never embrace it with such delight.
CHAP. XVII. Conclusion, with a Christian advice to the Hectors.
ANd now for shame give over, seeing all your plots and devices are found out, and discovered; I have named none of you, because I hope you will amend without publike disgrace; leave off your robbing, stealing, filching, nimming of rings, hat-bands, bodkins, and such other stuffe; leave your wboring, cheating, lying, drinking, dicing, swearing, quarrelling, fighting, making of quarrels, all these sins you know your selves guilty of, in an extraordinary rate of living; goe no more to Baudy-houses, or to Churches with Chimnics in them; frequent no Gaminghouses, if you will fight goe to the Warres, where ile be bound you shall have enough of that sport, and there you will gaine more honour and credit then by your throwing pots at Drawers heads. To conclude, I desire you take this advice, but if you will not chuse, ile give you otker shall rid you from all ill living. Goe to Tiburne and be hang'd.