I Must beginne with the Di­urnall-Writer first, as in­deed order it selfe doth en­joyne me, by the constant course of the dayes in the week; and whose large volumne is issued our every Munday morning. I may not unfitly tearme him to be the chiefe Dirt-raker, or Scafinger of the City; for what ever any other books lets fall, he will be sure, by his troting horse, and ambling Booke-selers have it convey'd to his wharfe of rubbish, and then he will as a many petty fogging scrivoners do (I may not exempt [Page 2] himselfe out of the profession) put out here and there to alter the sence of the Relation; and then he shelters it under the title of a new and perfect Diurnall. This merchant when he hath loaden his Sheet (or Dung-Cart) with his stale infor­mations, and mis-informations; then ye shall have him strut up and down with his gingling spurs, as if he had a paire of Aarons Bells at his heeles, or that hee had done the state mighty good service. He was once a Stationer, till he crept into the little hole at Westminster-Hall, where indeed he began his trade of inditing or framing; and so rose at last to the stile of the Diurnall-Writer. I must confesse at his first be­ginning to write, he was very industrious, and would labour for the best intelligence, as his large volumnes do testifie, but when he found the sweetnesse of it, and how easily he could come by his intelligence, he fell to his sports and pastimes, for you should hardly ever finde him at home all the weeke, till Saturday-morning, and then you should be sure to find him abed, panting and puffing as if he had over-rid him­selfe, with riding too and agen from the Army, when God-wot hee hath not been out of the Lynes of Communication; (but a little too [Page 3] much within the Lynes of M. M.) And so by this means making the poor workmen stand still for their labour, and that which he should do on Saturday, he must do on Sunday. This merchant hath his two Printers to attend his worke, whereof one hath a man, that rather then it should be thought that he were not dili­gent enough for his Master, he will content himselfe with a peice of Thursdayes news for his Prayers, Fridayes Intelligence for the first Sermon, and Saturdayes for the afternoone Lecture, and if it do not hold them over-long, he will sit downe and sing a Psalme, or take a pipe of Tobacco, and think he hath done God good service. 'Tis a shame such a Conventicle (I can tearm it no otherwise) which tends to the dishonour of God, should be suffered.

Now I must doe as many false Prognostica­tors mistake, or skip 3. dayes in the change of the Moone: I must come to Friday, stiled the Perfect Occurrence Writer. He whose face is made of Brasse, his body of Iron, and his teeth are as long as tenpenny-nayles. I think he is a youth not unknown to most in the City since the great preferment he had to stand in the Pillory. He is a great merchant in this way [Page 4] of writing, and very excellent for framing a Title for an old, or new lye. This is he that when our men lay of one side of Shotover-Hill against Oxford, he got the favour to discharge a peece of Ordnance against the City, when he had done, for London he came, with a grea­ter report and execution then ever the piece did, that he had shot down one of the chiefest Col­ledges in the Vniversity, and that he could per­ceive the very Battlements to fall: and after this great victory of his, because he would be taken notice of, hee causes his Printer to set downe the very place where he lives, as for example, London printed for Thomas Walker living at a great brick house and balcony, as you turne up to St. James's; when indeed the three cornerd house without a roofe, turning up to Padingion were more fitter. He was an Ironmonger in St. Martins by his trade, where having but little trading for his Tinkerly ware, fell to this trade of mis-informing; and so by his venomous pen framing, and with his cha­sing dishes of Hell, hee hath bestrowd the whole City, nay the whole Kingdome with unsavory languages, and burning coales of con­tention. This merchant I must needs confesse [Page 5] doth take a great deale more pains then the o­ther in compacting his relations together, and it doth chiefly lye in running up and down, he may well be called the Bellman of the City, for he is up all houres in the night, running to and agen, from the Post-house; and when he is questioned with who goes there; my name is VValker, J am about the States service, pray do not stop me: when he hath been at a Printing house, laying his sovver Leven of raylings and scandalizings against honest, and reverend men; or else compacting his damnable lyes together. Witnesse how many times hath he taken and killed Prince Rupert, and Prince Maurice, and Sr. Ralph Hopton: he hath an ex­cellent faculty to put a new title to an old book, and he wil be sure to put more in the Title page then is in all the booke besides; how many victories, and sometimes small losses hath he fram'd, and especially out of Ireland, and many times strange sights in the ayre, appearing like Champions ready to encounter. I wonder he never met with the Divell, but indeed he was ever a favourer of Lyes, and I believe hath granted him a large Patten for his profession. Nay rather then he will be out of action, he [Page 6] will robbe Hammon of his Patten of one side, and draw out a list of halfe a side with Ma­lignants names, or Horses, and frame an Order as from the House whereby they may sell; For his Fridayes Occurrences he doth take a great deale of paines to keep up the sale of them, he doth as many times Grocers use to do by their mouldy, musty ware, take and shake them to­gether with a new glosse of Hony, and they will passe as if they came newly over. So when hee hath compacted all his Rubbish or Ribaldry together, he will set them off with an Order or Ordinance of Parliament. I could in­large my selfe a great deale more, but J would keepe within the compasse of my sheete. And conclude with this, that I do think that his, and many other scurrillous Pamphlets, have done more mischief in the kingdome then ever all my Lord of Essex's, or Sir Thomas Fairefaxes whole traine of Artillery ever did.