A description of Prince RUPERTS She-Monkey.
IT is a mad theam to describe Prince Ruperts Monkey, his she-monkey: and when you see her drawn out in lively colours, you will hardly forbeare laughing. Thrée thing are observable in this monkey:
- 1. What she is in her own shape.
- 2. What she doth figuratively signifie.
- 3. Her malignant tricks and qualities.
It is thought that she was formerly some proud'd [...]me, that pulling up her cloathes, and setting her looking-glasse a good distance from her, would needs view her white belly in that imitating mirrour: Whereupon the gods being angry at her obscene wantonnesse, did convert her into the shape of a lascivious she-monkey. Her rivelled face hath some few thin hairs upon it, and if she had but a muffler under her chin, she would look like an old Bawd, yet her eyes are full of lust, and as red as two rubies which she nimbly turns about upon every occasion, and thinks her selfe as handsome as the fairest Court Lady, when we was in her green or yellow gown▪ There was a young fellow, a countrey-man, that took her for a young Gentlewoman, and sent a letter to her by his father. The Ladies at the Court were that day in all their bravery, because the good newes of Peace began then to be generally reported and beleeved. They had no sooner made their courtesies one unto another, and wished the morning might grow into a happy day, but prince Ruperts Monkey, which then kept close unto the chimney-corner, (for the morning was very cold) began to chatter with her téeth her complements amongst them, angry as it séems that she no better was observed. The Ladies began to laugh out-right, and speaking faire unto the Monkey, she being re-comforted, began to deale amongst them those accustomed postures which expressed most content. This the old man perceiving, proud of hope that some good fortune might now attend his son, scr [...]ping out two [...] then countrey congres, presented this letter to the monky, which she perceiving, first looked on one side of it, and then upon the other, & taking [Page] some delight either in the whitenesse of the paper, or in the manner of the infolding of the letter, first tooke it into one hand and gazed upon it, and then into another, and according to the naturall expressions of that creature, shee séemed by the noyse she made to be very joyous of it, & did much hugg the present. At length weary of what she séemed so much to affect and full of mischiefe, as of haughtinesse, she took the letter and tore it all in peices, which the Country man beholding thought within himself, that in disdayne of his sonnes letter she had made a Taylers bill of it, and torne it to flitters insteed of discharging it: at last when he understood that it was Prince Ruperts Munkey, he went home and told his son that his Mistres was neither better nor worse, but a malignant Munkey, for I wil swear quoth he that I never saw such a strange fashioned creature in my life; For she hath a kind of a Round-head as smooth as an apple, and if there be any Round-head this Munkey is one, her brow is low and wrinkled hanging over her little eyes, her nose thats flatt is very short, her cheekes are leane and lanke, and her thin lipps do hardly cover her teeth, the complextion of her whole face is swarthy coverd with hayre greene as mosse, and lastly she hides her head in a black bagg, moreover she weares a greene or yellow gowne trimmed about with lace, & a girdle about her middle by the which she is fastned to the na [...]e of a whéele, for the Prince is full of feares and Ielousies that if she were loose she would steale away into some wood and live there upon nutts and apples, What is under her coates is unknowne, but certainly if her coates were lifted up you might see her Munkey as they call it. I remember in my youthfull dayes when I danced with the country Lasses on the towne greene, I had the happinesse to view some of there commodityes, and they lookt just like Prince Ruperts Munkeys mouth, or as an ancient author sayes, like mumping things; and so her honesty I beléeve tis asmuch as nothing, for like the old woman she keepes her taile alwayes wagging, and being her own (as the whore said) she thinks she may use it as she list, so that I beléeve she is a very wicked and prophane Munkey, Prince Ruperts Dog who had bewitched the Country mans son to beléeve that Prince Rup [...]rts Munkey was a little [Page] young Gentlewoman took off his spel again, and opend the eyes of both their understandings; and when he heard the Countryman make this description of his Masters Munkey, he stood by in a corner and laughs as hartily as ever Dog could do; for a Monkey, though in a fine coate, is but a Monkey, and so much concerning what she is in her own shape.
What she doth figuratively signifie.
A Monkey for her petulant and wanton tricks may resemcle a wanton creature, I will not say a whore (for that name will make the Devill blush) but a necessary instrument of recreation, unto which pretty peeces of delight it is no doubt but Prince Robert doth stand well affected, and though a souldier, he doth love the soft embraces of a faire laid, since Mars himself did scorne to dally with Venus, Eneas had a Dido, and it is like that Prince Rupert is not onely a souldier but a courtier, it being naturall to the most witty and valiant to love a woman. But let that passe, certaine it is that the Prince doth love this Monkey exceedingly; and the Monkey doth by all her gestures and actions tempt the prince to lassiuious desires, and if a puritan should behold her he would verily affirme that she were the little whore of Babylon, for indeed she speakes nothing but the language of the beast. When the prince is in sight, she will cast a sleering looke towards him, then throw her little eyes another way, then looke upon the prince again, then which as if she would tempt him to give her a private meeting, which are all lascivious tricks, and some time she affords a temptation to the prince by clapping her hand on her buttock and scratching it as if she were troubled with the lustfull itch, whereby perhaps she makes the prince thinke of another buttock, so that lustfull pictures or a wr [...] in wanton postures cannot more strongly move the imagination, then the bawdy Monkey doth by her mowing mopping tricks. Some times she will imitate the sitting of women by the fire side on a low stool, with her knées up to her mouth, and her hands fastned about her knees, a pre [...]ty wanton posture, and such as may beget a lascivious fancy in the dullest conceite, then she will tumble over her head & let all her coates f [...]ll about hee eares, so that ye may see all for nothing; [Page] Then again she will look melancolly as if she were a sad widdow mourning in a black bag for the decease of her husband, though indeed sorrow cannot drawe a teare from her working eyes, & then she wil appeare like a holy sister, casting her eyes, with a silent gleg upwards, but presently her devotions are ended, if she behold but a red sided Apple, for she loves them better then Religion or libertye of the Subject. Then you shall behold her tumbling on her back with her legs spred wide abroad, and it is thought that some women have learnt their tumbling tricks from Prince Ruperts Monkey, she differs from your feminine good fellowes, and that is, she cannot sing any amorous songs; yet sheele take tobacco & breake the pipes, drinke wine and breake the glasses, and roare as well as any singing Syren, and on a pipe, (if she get it in her mouth) she will perfectly expresse the tune of
And tis thought that if she were but admitted into a conuenticle, she would make all the Brownists dance after her pipe to the tune of sweete sister Ruth come Kisse me now; Thus this monkey is a Kind of movable body that can cringe and complement like a Venetian curtisan, though her face be not so handsome; yet all her gestures and postures are wanton and full of provocation, she being nothing els (as many others are) but a skin full of lust; her eyes are full of lascivious glances, and generally all her actions do administer some temptation or other; so that she cannot chuse but work upon Prince Ruperts affections; and if he he any thing effeminate as it is not to be doubted but he is forward enough in expressions of love as wel as valour; for as the Spanish painter wrote in a Church window sunt with a C. which was an abomination, so her name is an embleme of wantounes, sunt written in that manner being often called a Monkey, which is a kind of prophanation, and thus you sée what prince Ruperts Monkey doth nominally and figuratiuely signifye, she being in all her postures the picture of a loose wanton, who is often figuratively called a Monkey.
Her malignant tricks and qualities.
First, she hath never a good condition: for find a whore without bad qualities, and a monkey without mad tricks, and you may hang them both together.
She is most certainly a great malignant, & cares not how the Cause goes forward, so she may sit on her taile end crack-nuts.
She is unconstant, and will leap from place to place, as the Brownist doth from point to point in his Sermons, and it may be supposed that she learnt her giddy actions from her halfe cousins, which are Baboons. Violent she is in all her actions, and would tear the Miter from the Bishops, and pul the Crown from the sacred brow of Majesty, if she were permitted to come neere them, for she doth love to rend, teare, and demolish all things, as the Brownists doe. Her dyet is a le mode de France, that is, after the French fashion, for she loves kick-shaws, and dairty novelties, and hath a constant appetite to delectable things, as if her mouth were made onely for a Lenton mill to grind figs, almonds, and raisens, and it is doubtfull whether Ladies instructed her, or she taught them to waste time in devouring sugar-plums and sweet-meats, for she will eate more then a parish Mid-wife. And because she is a Court Delinquent, and ready to play shrewd turnes there, if she be not prevented; she is therefore tyed to the nave of a wheele, which she rowls before [...] as Prince Rupert tumbles about the wheel of Fortune, and ro [...]l [...] his Fate before him, pillaging and plundring wheresoever he comes.
And now we talk of plundering, this Monkey is by nature a notable plunderer, for if she were put into a Study of Classicall Authors or into one of the shops in Pauls-Churchyard, do you think she would reade any of the Books? No, but in the Study she would teare and rend all the papers and letters that shee could find, and all the books, then she would spill the ink upon the table, and poure out all the sand-dust. If Prince Rupert should but let her raise an Army of Monkeys, or transport them hither by shipping from beyond Sea, it is thought that this Monkey with an Army of Malignant Monkeys would come and [Page] plunder all the Coster-mongers houses in London, and all the Fruiterers stalls; and moreover, she and her Forces would plunder all the Ladies closets, and make vile worke amongst their sweet-meats; but yet she would be more merciful then Prince Rupert, for she would take away no gold or silver, but nuts, cakes, apples, ginger-bread, and the like, should be all her pillage, which she would seize upon. Besides all these tricks, she is a cunning jugler, for she can cast a mist before soldiers eyes, so that when they think they have gotten their pay in their own hands, if they do but open their hands, they shall find nothing in them but a rusty musket or a pike. Morever, if she should come into a Church, if she did but breathe or blow upon a Service-book, and afterward bid a Brownist open it, he would sweare that all the leaves were ful of nothing but Crosses, Images, Beads, Surplices, Hoods, Coaps, and all kind of Popish Ceremonies. It is thought that she made the Adamites walk naked, so that the holy sisters thought it a divine innocence to shew their Monkeys to their zealous brethren. The Family of love had the same zeale to monkifie themselves, and through the provocation of the spirit (which they called holy zeal) they became as lustfull as monkeys, and none must be admitted into their conventicles, but the monkified brethren and sisters of the family. Thus P. Ruperts Monkey is a kind of old, little, wrinkled, old faced, petulant, wanton, and malignant gentlewoman, the little whore of Babylon in a green coat, that somtimes rides upon the beast that is Prince Ruperts dog, that tempts the Prince by her lascivious gestures, to think oftner on a woman then he would do, though I beleeve he dare stand for the feminine cause, and hath plundered some Ladies cabynits as wel as Countrey towns. She is indeed a skin-ful of folly, a malignant ancient gentlewoman, a Cavalier-monkey, a jugler, that hath turned the University-caps to Court-feathers. It is fit therefore she should be delivered up, and baited to death this Lent, before the well-affected brethren; who without doubt wil grant this to be a considerable motion concerning Prince Ruperts malignant Monkey: