A Copie of Quaeries, OR, A Comment upon the Life, and Actions of the Grand Tyrant and his Complices; OLIVER the First and last of that Name, not unfit, nor unworthy of thy perusall.
COVRTEOVS READER, J presume to present thee with some Quaeries come to my hands not long since, which were Intended to be presented to the Parliam [...]nt (in 1657 then Sitting; but the time then being so malevolent and the chiefe subject of them, being then in his full power and Tyrannie, that neither the Author nor Printer durst publish then, unlesse they minded wilfully to cast themselves upon his Mercy, which all men knowes what that was. There have come forth severall papers of Quaerees of late; but not any of them in this kind. If these which J now publish doe not please thee (in a kind) sacrifice them to the Fire, and seeke out some better Wit to mend them; and both the Author, and Printer, will give thee thanks.
Vale.
PRIMO, I.
WHether this present Parliament which is to doe nothing but what OP shall appoint, is to sit any longer then hee pleaseth.
2. Whether all Votes must not passe in the House acc [...]rding as OP will have them, whose will is to be the Law of this Parliament.
3. Whether the Lord Protector his going with the Tide to the House, do betoken any good tydings, we shall heare from thence.
4. Whether his returning at high water back againe, doe not portend, that his Prosperities are neere their Ebbe.
5. Wheither OP did not seeme to Bugger the house, when hee went into it the Back way.
6. Whether such must not heare with OP his Eares, and see with OP his Eyes, who can fancy those Nations to be happie, or beleeve any word hee sayes.
7. Whether OP his short Speech to the Houses, were not on purpose, to insinuate that (if his Friends) it would become them likewise to use but few words; If his Foes, That he would yet be shorter with them.
8. Whether what the Lord Fines, who supplyed what OP left unsaid, spake with his owne, or the L. Protector's mouth.
9. Whether what the L. Fines (spake with OP his mouth) He may not one day be made to eat his owne words.
10. Whether the L. Fines his Speech which began in Genesis, If the Game goe on (Par le Roy) will not end in the Booke of the Kings.
11. Whether the Houses Snarling at their first greeting one another, may not agree like Dogs at last.
12. Whether not Praying together (but Severally) they may be said to be of the same Communion.
13. Or, God (for certaine) not being amongst them, nor ever likely to be (unless in Vengeance) howsoever they may pretend to seek him in mercy; in whose Name is this Parliament met.
14. Whether OP doing all things with a Fiat, ought to have had Divine worship given him; but that beholding all his works when they were done, hee could not say that any of them were Good.
15. Whether the bold Black smith, that doth so Roundly Clinch the Lord OP and his Parliament, would not also give him and them a remove, if hee durst.
16. Whether those Parliament mens Wives, who lye languishing for want of their Husbands, may not sue the Lord Protector [Page 3]for Delapidations, who hath foreeably taken their Members from them.
17. Whether those Members of the House of Commons, who questioned the Peerage of the other House, may not also scruple at the Kingship.
18. Whether the Teares which OP wept, when the Protectorship was forc'd upon him, were not like those of the Crocadile.
19. Whether Weeping at his Coronation, hee will not be judged to shed the very selfe-same Teares.
20. Whether OP his Hat seemed too light for his Head; whether may not the Crowne be too heavie for it.
21. And should the Crowne prove too heavie for his Head, whether may not his head prove too light for his Shoulders.
22. Whether this Parliament though it met in the Metropolis will not sit upon the skirts of the Nation.
23. Whether (like that of most Weddings) the first joyfull day of this present Parliament, will not be the fore-runner of a great many yeares of Sorrowes.
24. Whether the House ought not to Petition for some other Name, then that of Parliament to be called by; since it is resolved by OP that no body in it must dare to speake Freely.
25. Whether this present Parliament have not faire warning to sit close, who have seene one Precedent to them, so foully throwne out of the Saddle.
26. Whether OP did not more then make good the old Saying, In throwing the House out at the Windowes, when with one blast of his Mouth, hee blew Two whole houses of Parliament out of Doores.
27. Whether OP his God-father, and Godmother did not fore-see that hee would love Mutton well, when they Christened him OLIVE-R.
28. Whether the Cuckolds Crest ought not to be quartered hence-forward with the Lyon and Ʋnicorne; since the Royall Armes are now to discend upon the Town-Bull of Ely.
29. As the Off-spring of such a monstrous Parent, what are wee to expect, whiles that Line shall sway these Nations; but [Page 4]the Tyrannie, Rapine, and Oppressions of a blood Disloyall.
30. Whether are wee not to Expect an Earthquake in England, when at the same time, and in One person, both a King, a Tyrant, and a Traytor, shall Infest the Throne.
31. Whether his Prognosticks be true, who sayes, wee shall have two Kings in England before the 24.th of Iune.
32. Whether hee that from a Copper hath Rais'd himselfe to a Crowne, hath not Brewed fairely.
33. Whether OP and Col. Pride, having been Brothers of the Sling, would not Handsomely hang together.
34. Whether having been Brothers all along in Evill, and never likely to mend; any Good may or ought to be expected from them. If every one had his right, and the Divell his due —
35. Whether would CR, or OP, be the Elder Brother.
36. Whether it would not have been a considerable advantage to Col. Pride, and Col. Baxster, had OP Knighting them, call'd the one Sir Thomas Slingsby, and the other Sir John Thimbleby; for then they might have been Gentlemen as well as Knights.
37. Whether Hell ought not to be removed out of Westminster into the City, during this present Sessions of Parliament, since so many Divels from all parts meeting in the House, It were to much to have two Hells in one place.
38. Whether all these Parliament men who frequent Heaven in the old Pallace, for the love of Plum-broath, and afterwards upon a full Stomach, and against their Consciences, vote downe their Countries Liberty believe there is any other heaven but that.
39. Whether Sir Thomas Pride's wife were Dubbis a Lady at the very pronouncing of these words; Rise up Sir Thomas — or not till after hee had laine with her.
40. Whether a man might not cry Rub to him, who should say, that OP were an Honest man, Though hee hath proved himselfe a very good Bowler.
41. Whether all Iourney-men, and Apprentices of the Gentle Craft should not have Munday hence-forward, made a perpetuall Holiday, Now that Cobler Hewson, is of the House of Lords.
42. Whether Cobler Hewsons wife have not a considerable advantage of other mens, whose Husband hath one blind side.
43. Whether OP from the Hogswash of his Grain-tub, highly feeding now, upon the Fat of three Kingdomes, have not pickt up his Crums well.
44. Whether of such an Egge as OP, was ever likely to hatch a better Bird.
45. Whether Mardike, as the case now stands, bee an English or French Garrison?
46. Whether Rainolds, White, and the rest did not wilfully Drowne themselves to escape Hanging.
47. Whether (if the Peace goe on) Jamaica, or Mardike, is like to prove the dearer Market.
48. Whether it shall not be Treason against the new Queene (though at middle Noone day) to say, Jo [...]ne is as good as my Lady.
49. Whether the Ballat (of Iones Placket is tore out) be not to be burnt by the publique Hangman, when OP shall bee proclaimed King.
50. Whether Contributions, Sequestrations, Excise, Imposts, &c. ought not in some measure to bee hereafter qualified now that so many Ioynters are lately fallen to his Highness by the Death of his Mother.
51. Whether when the Fire raged so, in the Lord Faconbridge his Britch, for the Love of the Lady Mary, the Divell did not blow the Bellasses.
52. Whether Her Grace of Richmond, ought not to be out of Countenance, as often as shee eates Pigge; for saying, That Mary Cromwell was the Foulest sowe in England.
53. Whether the Lady Frances in the choyse of her Husband did not make a Pockey Rich Bargaine.
54. Whether the Lord Rich, having so Soundly Pepperd his wives Porke, may not keepe it as a Standing Dish for his owne Table.
55. Whether hee that should give his Paines to the Lady aforesaid, would not be well payd for them.
56. Whether the said Lady did not intend to lye at Large and stretch her Legges for't, who layd 200. Elles of Linnen upon her Nuptiall Bed, in one paire of Holland Sheets.
57. Whether, the said Lady will not prove a Chargeable piece, as to the rest of her Appurtenances, who layd out 5 [...]/ [...] 100 in only twelve Smockes.
58. Whether the Lady Claypold, managing the Master of the Horse, ought to have admitted the Lord H. W. into his Saddle.
59. Whether it may be thought a disparagement to the Lord Claypolds Horsmanship, That his Lady should still have Iadish Trickes.
60. Whether, Cromwell had hee lived in Henry the Eights dayes, would not have given him A Hem, for His Hate, and perhaps his Dog to Hold.
61. Whether this Cromwell and Henry aforesaid, when they have compared their Notes in the other world, will not be good Company in Hell together.
62. Whether wee shall not now, have Halcion dayes, when OP is turning King Fisher.
63. Whether it may not be hoped, that the Lord OP will at last turne Cavileere, who growes more and more Kingly Affected.
64. Whether Kingship ought not to be beneath the Lord OP his Aimes, the proportion of whose Nose is more Imperiall.
65. Whether the old Saying, That the Welcsh and the Irish are Brethren, will not then more then ever be made good, when the Lord Richard Cromwell shall be Prince of Wales, and Ireland, under the Stepter of his Brother.
66. Whether the Nations are to expect any Good from OP, who was never Good to any body but himselfe.
67. Whether the House of Lords, bee not therefore called the Other House, and not the Ʋpper House; because there is not one right Gentleman of it.
68. Whether most of the Members of the former Parliament, having been Cuckold (according to Harry Martins sence) The Lord OP hath not call'd now — just such an other House.
69. Whether if all those must be Lords, who are call'd to Sit in the other House, wee may not without offence to OP, say, The Divell shit Lords.
70. Whether, wee may not now justly hope the world will mend, when so many Coblers and Taylors are of the two Houes of Parliament.
71. Whether, by way of Subsedy, or Loane moneys, are not to bee forthwith Raised to discharge the bills of Fare at Whitehall, since OP having lately Increased his Family, by the Accession of the other House.
72. Whether OP seizing all mens Estates, may not give Flourishing Liveries to his Varlets.
73. Whether, when Charles Stewart comes home againe, Sir Robert Tichbeurne will not be a true Lord Non-such.
74. Whether Sir Iohn Bacster the Thimble-maker, who can hardly write his owne Name, be of any fitting Capacity, to be made Earle of Cambridge.
75. Whether, when the Lyon Advanceth Sir Thomas Pride who is playing the Calfe (in aspiring to the Tytle of Essex) may not bee call'd in Question, for killing the Kings Beares.
76. Whether, when his Horses ran away with him in Hide Parke, to have been out of the Coach-box, did not wish himselfe in Alderman Atkins Breeches.
77. Whether, Phaetons Fate together with that Great Deliverance, ought not to have been a faire admonishment to OP to desist from his Rash undertakings.
78. Whether, the Roman Catholick and old Protestant, being both cryed downe, wee shall have any, All, or no Religion here in England.
79. Had his Name been Simon, and not Hugh; whether might not OP have been Highly suspected for Popery, who is wholly of Peeters Religion.
80. Whether to be in Heaven it selfe (admitting he believed there were a GOD) Hugh Peters would change Masters with his Brother Simon, or rather indeed —
81. Whether Hugh Peeters Master would not Crucifie, Simons againe, should hee come as man within the verge of his Power, who not only persecutes his Church, but is himselfe, a Tiberius Nero, — and wants not Bradshawes, worse then Pontius Pilate.
82. Whether OP, Securing and Imprisoning so many Honest men, and good Christians, doe not intend, to let Hell loose and Reigne Divell himselfe.
83. Whether these pittifull over-ridden Nations will ever dare to say, A Turd in OP his Teeth, till hee has made them Shit as small as a Mouse.
84. Whether it shall beare an Action, to say. That any one, or all the Members of the Houses are Knaves, since OP, hath called them so before Us, — or rather —
85. Whether OP calling them by Writ to Discerne and betray their Country, have not given it, under his Hand they are no lesse.
86. Whether this present Parliament, though thorow Pac'd ought not to take heed of Stumbling, since it hath so Collerick a Rider.
87. Whether those that light OP to Bed, doe not hold a Candle to the Divell.
88. Whether hee that Portraied the Earle of Essex at Shit, with this Motto over his Head; You Fight, you Shite, had not a right Opinion of his Valour.
89. Whether those Castles which OP began to build in the Ayre, when hee Designed first to take St. Domingo, will be finished by this present Parliament.
90. Whether, if OP (as hee hath long since boasted hee would▪ should pull downe the Pope, He would not set up Hue Peeters in his Place.
91. Whether OP his Lease being almost out at White-hall, it is not time for him, to set a Bill upon his Doore. And whether those, who have lately entred upon the Parliament houses are to bee only Tenants at will, or have taken it for any certaine Terme.
92. Whether all, or such only of this present Parliament, as are not Lawfully begotten into the houses, by the Voyces of their respective Counties doe not sit there, as OP his Bastards.
93. Whether by way of Admonition to this present Parliament, not to prate themselves into a second Proemonire, should not cause that old Adage to be fairely written over the Doore of the houses.
Or, Emblematically thus, to Animadvertize them. That the Nose of this present Parliament, confronting the mouth, — Whether it is not an Ominous Representative of the Ugly face the House must needs have, whilest OP shall quite out-Nose the Speaker.
94. Whether the Nose of this present Parliament being too bigge for the Mouth, all the Members are not in a snotty condition, since the old Saying is, that Seldome comes a Better, when OP is gone, whether will not the Divell come in his Roome.
95 Whether, the Heire of OP, his Successour, if the Generall peace goe on, may not turne Ward to Charles Steward in his Fathers life time.
96. Whether, hee that writ upon the Doore of an house of Office; Here are Fartes to bee let, would have let them for nothing, or would hee have sold them.
97 Whether an Jrish man would not sooner have shit in his Trowses, then come neare to the Doore of that house on which was written —
98. Whether a Welch hand Granado, that is to say a Cockledemoy in fitrup, or an English Bumcrack, will more startle an Irish man.
99. Whether, the Julian and Gregorian Accompts are not to submit to the Olivarian, whose Arithmatick taketh 17. or 18. moneths Contribution from us out 12. in the Yeare.
100. Whether, the Premisses considered, wee doe not Live in precious times.
101. Whether, upon the Accompt aforesaid, doth hee give us Large measure, or make us pay for more then we have.
102. Whether, since the Mountaines brought forth, was there any thing hatcht so Ridiculous, as this other House.
103. Whether, the first day of OP his Kingship, may not be the last of his Prosperity.
104. Whether from OP who was alwayes a Tempest in his Life, wee are to expect any thing, but Inundations at his Death.
105. Whether, when OP is Crowned King, wee ought not to have Copper money againe.
106. Whether, when OP his Coyne comes abroad, every body that hates him in his Place, will not be glad to have his Picture in their Pockets.
107. Whether, OP forbidding Gaming, at the Ordinaries, did not fore see that they would play with his Nose which every chance of the Dice would set at Stake.
108. Whether, the fairest Cedar of Great Britaine, having been cut downe at the Root, by OP, some Branches thereof, may not yet spring out, to choake the Glory of so Barbarous a Triumph, by putting a Spoake into the wheeles of his Chariot.
109. Whether, OP for these Nine yeares past and upwards, having blowne the Coales of Rebellion and Sedition, not only at home (but in all Parts abroad) may not see some Sparkles, then, by the turning of the wind, set fire on his proper House; when the Germane Eagle shall build her Nest upon the English Oake; Whether will OP with all his Dawes and Pyes betake themselves.
110. Though Van was forced to fall to the Rere, when Blake became Trumpe at Sea.
Whether yet, the Hogin Mogins, may not shuffle the Cards againe, and play a latter Game, at Logerheads with us, is the question.
111. Whether, the Pope also through his Influence on the Peace, which will spoyle all our Markets in Flaunders (though threatned long since, by OP) may not have the first Fling at his Plum-tree.
112. When all that are truly Generous English-men, shall be awaked out of the Letargie they have laine in (under the slavery of a long continued Tyrannie) by the Apparition of CHARLES STEVVART their lawfull King —
Whether like Shadowes before the advanced Sunne, or light Chaffe before the Winds impelling it; will not OP, and all his Followers Retrograde Seeke out corners, where to avoid his Radiant eyes, and even for feare of his just Vengeance hang themselves.