THE Abdicated Prince; OR, THE ADVENTURES of FOUR YEARS. A Tragi-Comedy, As it was lately Acted at the COURT at ALBA REGALIS, By several Persons of Great Quality.
The Second Edition.
LONDON, Printed for John Carterson, 1690.
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The MEN.
- Cullydada, King of Hungaria Nova.
- Philanax, his true Friend and Counsellor, but out of Favour.
- Philodemus, Duke of Monumora, the Darling of the People.
- Pietro, a sly malicious Villain; a Renegado Christian, and turn'd a Mahometan Priest, chief Favourite of the Kings, and a Mortal Enemy to the Hungarians.
- Count Dadamore, a special Favourite of the Queens, an Italian by Birth, and sent on a Secret Message by the Mufti to the Hungarian Court.
- Barbarossa, Chancellor of Hungaria, a bloody-minded Villain, and Enemy to the Christians.
- Warranto Two Creatures of the Chancellors, rais'd on purpose to ruine the Laws and Liberties of the Hungarians.
- Dispenso Two Creatures of the Chancellors, rais'd on purpose to ruine the Laws and Liberties of the Hungarians.
- Remarquo, an Honest Hungarian; a deep Observer of the Court Intrigues, who by a Witty sort of Buffoonry [Page]picks out and discovers all their Plots and Contrivances.
- Sentinels, Rabble, Messengers, Country-People, Officers.
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The WOMEN.
- Hautefelia, Queen of Hungary, a proud imperious bloody minded Woman, sworn Enemy to the Christians of Hungary, in Love with Count Dadamore.
- Mazeto, Marchioness of Bulgaria, chief Confident of Hautefelia.
- Sycophante, Countess of Shambrogue, and Favourite of Hautefelia.
- Celia, Midwife to the Queen.
- Secretta, Nurse to the Queen.
THE Abdicated Prince; OR, THE ADVENTURES OF FOUR YEARS
ACT I.
SCENE I. The Curtain being drawn, the King and Queen are discover'd within the Scenes, rising as it were from a private Banquet, and advancing forward on the Stage. The Queen begins.
Why truly Sir, by the neatness of the Contrivance, and quickness in the Execution, a body would think your Majesty was no Learner in the Trade of packing off Elder Brothers.
You know the manner, so I'le hold my Tongue.
Oh had restraining Providence so held your hand! May it please your Majesty to hear your honest old Servant speak a word or two?
Speak on.
I have a scurvy Brother, who in a small dispute about Priority, even in my Mothers Belly, gave me a swinging box on the Ear, before I was aware, and by the advantage of that blow slipt into the World before me, and enjoys three thousand a Year in my prejudice; nay, though he has had the Ptysick, and labour'd under a Consumption these fourteen Years, has neither Chick nor Child, and can't spend the Tithe of his Rents, yet he won't give me a farthing to maintain me, and would as soon invite a Captain and his Troop to Free-quarters in his House, as me to take share of a Bottle of his Wine, or a Christmass-dinner: Now Sir, here are your Chancellour and Confessor, two Persons of Notorious Conscience and Piety, they understand my Case, and I beg your Majesties favourable determination.
Sir, I know your Case very well, and if you would bring it before me, I should bring your Brother to reason; three thousand a Year, say you, and so inhumane to his only Brother? But I will be your Friend, not that I expect to be much a gainer, though I confess it will be a troublesome point: Three thousand a Year, said he,
A Man might pick up a handsome Portion for his Daughter out of it, and egad we must provide for those of our Houshold, as they say.
Sir, your Case appears hard and difficult, but I could put you into present enjoyment of two thirds of it, if I could be sure of the other.
Well Gentlemen, you must be kind to our old Servant, I know him honest.
Now have I brought my self into a fine Praemunire, I have given them a hint of three thousand a Year, and I shall have them as troublesome to me as a hungry Kite to a brood of young Chickens: Oh! how they catch'd at the word, before it was well out of my mouth; and o' my Conscience will quarrel about the Dividend, though I have no more an Estate to lay claim to, than they have a stock of Conscience or Honesty: I spoke to fathom his dealing with his Brother, who is more than suspected to have had foul Play shown him; and though Men of least Conscience are commonly most quick of apprehension, yet for ought I could perceive they stumbled at my Parable, which I am glad of: Discretion must be the Badge of my Office, and Dissimulation the Dark Lanthorn to guide me.
SCENE II.
Then to be plain, if he had dy'd seven Years ago, half the Women in the Town had run mad for him, but of late years these plaguy Politicians have kept such a pother about Sham-Plots, private Leagues, and a deal of such stuff, and going home to their Wives have told such lamentable Stories of him as quite turn'd their Hearts against him; and your Majesty knows poor silly Women are apt to believe any thing, God help them.
Now have I a months mind to be guessing what this can be: Stay, I shall judge by my own wants: Well,
the first Happiness a body would wish for, is a guilt Coach and six, to whisk thorough the City on a State-day, and make the Ladies teeth water in the Balconies; but hang it, she has that already, and so have I, so that can't be it: Well then,
let me see, Money I have enough, and fine Cloaths, and so has she, though to speak the plain truth, I believe her Majesties Name, [Page 7]as well as mine is upon many an honest poor Citizens Tally. Now sorrow take me if I can hit it, unless it be—
Oh! what a Jade was I to miss the
main point! Give me leave Madam, I have found
out your Majesties want; Oh that I should forget my dear Tommy! well, he was a sweet Lad, Madam, so good Company, and Efack a Man of business, ay, ay, Tommy, Efack I would have Tommy of all things in the World; I knew I could give a guess at your Majesties meaning.
Why how now Mazato, thou dost surely rave.
Nay, but I humbly beg your Majesties Pardon, I have been your Majesties faithful Subject and Servant a long time, and I would not tell your Majesty a Lye for the World; when ever I think of my dear Tommy, 'tis a sort of Hell to want him; to be ty'd [...] Old Man that spends the best part of his Life in supping of [...]dles, and sweating in Flannel, that has a good Dish of Meat before him, and has hardly the strength to say Grace to it; to go to Bed before Star-light, and lye 'till high Noon, and all the while lye as still as if you had drank Opium; and if the fit took you, and you resolv'd to be merry, the greatest Comfort you could have, would be to dance to the Musick of his Nose: This is intolerable.
Oh! prithee stop Mazato, thou hast touch'd me to the quick; sure nothing but experience could so well delineate the Torments of uneasie Wedlock and yet thou hast only touch'd my smallest sore: Oh! my Mazato—
Now let me be far enough, Madam, but you must give me leave to tell you, your Majesty raves, as you call it: Past, say you? in the Name of Mahomet, what is past? I'le fetch it again if it be above ground, I'le warrant you. But by
the by, now I think on it, I wish my Commendation of honest. Tommy has not got me a Rival; come, come, let me tell you, Queens are Flesh and Blood as well as other Women, and as high as her Majesty looks, I caught her gnawing the Sheets t'other day, and that is a shrewd sign, let me tell you.
Dost mock me Mazato?
My Lord, I'le ask your Lordships Pardon, 'till I acquaint her Majesty with your attendance.
I wait with Impatience.
Ha! Musing? Well, I shall quickly put her out of her Dumps; this Count Dadamore is the Spark she has so
often told me of, now he is come with abundance of business, and I'le warrant it private enough; or to speak it in other words, he has writ her a Billet Deux, and for the better security has brought it himself: Well, I'le e'ne do as I would be done by; bring 'em well together, make my honours, and shut the door after me, and when her Majesty cryes out, I'le come in and see fair play. May it please
[Page 9]your Majesty, Count Dadamore waits at the door, and begs the Honour of kissing your Majesties hand.
Conduct him in with speed.
Rise noble Count, and think th' Hungarian Crown Shall ne're make us forget our Friends or you.
A good sturdy Fellow Efack, he has shoulders so like my Tommy, I'll warrant him no flincher: See what a Nose he has, true Roman Efack, I'll be hang'd but he brought that Nose with him, on purpose to delude the poor Women here; an arch Wag, he knew what would please our Hungarian Ladies: No, no, that Nose never fails.
Oh, the weak Policy of Woman! that for
a trifling form of Modesty can thus endure to wrack themselves and others; as if Men did not see through our Cobweb Arts of Scorn and Cruelty: Now will I be hang'd, for all her mincing, but her Teeth water to be at him: And for his part, he knows her mind so well, I'll warrant him for hanging or drowning.
You may retire, Mazato, while he imparts his business to us.
I am all Obedience. Did not I tell you what [aside all these hard Words would come to? I knew it by my self, for I serve my Tommy so now and then: We Women of Honour don't tread the honest beaten paths of Love, but by little tricks, and turnings and windings, we decoy our Gallants into the Snare, and by the like Tricks, when either our Fancies are pall'd, or their Courages cool'd, we let them loose, and turn 'em out again, for 'tis not the fashion to be constant.
My Lord, no more, I can believe you love me, nor should I blush to own that you are not indifferent to me; time presseth me, and I can say no more at present than this, that some important business will make me exact your Attendance very speedily, in the mean time go and be discreet.
Who waits there?
What is't a Clock Sycophante?
By my Eyes I should guess 'tis almost Bed-time, but your Majesty looks like a Rose just wash'd in the Morningdew, so blithe, and fresh, and lively, I guess the Count has rejoyc'd your Majesty with some good News.
Quite otherwise, Sycophante; I know not whether my Face belie my Heart, but I was never more Melancholy than now. Prithee sing me that Song you learnt last, I like the Humour on't.
O my Conscience so do I, for I put it in practice
but last Night.
Yes, Madam, If a Body had the Will to follow it.
Hum! Who have we got here now? On my life
her pious Majesty, with her brace of Counsellors; I'll warrant you they have no less business before them than building of Churches: Well, I must hearken, for by their whispering and caballing they must have some grand design on foot.
Why look ye there, what an even guess have I! I was sure Religion was the main point in Debate: These Women are never without a scruple of Conscience, though they always take care to have the satisfaction of committing the Sin, before ever they'll put themselves to the trouble of disputing the Unlawfulness of it.
Now shall we have these two Ladies new
mould that Covernment in a moment, which has been setled by the wisest Heads in the Kingdom for these hundred and fifty years.
Now I should never have wonder'd to have heard so learnd an Harangue from Barbarossa or Pietro, the two pious Directors of our gracious King's Conscience; but from Madam Mazato this, whose whole Discourse I thought should have been of nothing but Billet Deux, and bawdy assignations; indeed 'tis something strange! but I see Love-intrigues improve a body in State-politicks, as Soulders learn the Art of War by moving and removing the Men on a Chessboard. Well, good People of Hungaria, if ever you desire to be inform'd, or are willing to be perswaded to turn Mahometans, pray repair to Madam Mazato, and her Highness the Queen, they have forcible Arguments to induce you, and if you can prevail with your weak Stomachs to digest Haltar and Fagot, they have a flaming Zeal to convert you.
Now if a body might speak plain truth to her Majesty, what a hopeful way could I put her in, and cure her of all fears and scruples?
What truth thou canst speak in this matter, Sycophante, relates to the good of the Publick, and therefore can't displease.
Then, Madam, with submission, I'de have you do as several of your wise Predecessors have done before. I have read of some notable Queens of Hungaria, as well as of other neighbouring Countries, who when their Husbands have been troubled with the Pip, like old Cocks that have lost their spurs, or their thoughts so taken up with abstract notions of Divinity, that they have had no leisure to mind even the necessary carnal Affairs of the World; why then, mark me, these Queens fearing to lose the opportunity of having their Pictures drawn, (for that's the way that Queens transmit their memory to posterity) they have sat several times to several Limners, and so continu'd 'till the business has been done to the Life. Now, Madam, though I confess Cullidada has been a reputed good Painter in his time, yet now he's grown old, and his Hand shakes, his Pencil is worn, and his Eyes are bad, his Fancy pall'd, and his Colours corrupt, so that you [Page 17]may better sit to a Sign-post dawber than to him; therefore Madam I advise you to send quickly for some of the most expert in the Trade; be assiduous and diligent; for hang me, I never grudg'd my pains so I could gain my ends; and in a very short time you'll find a happy alteration in your Affairs.
Why thou art a rare discusser of hard Questions Sycophante; thou arguest like a Philosopher.
I pretend to be part of a Natural one.
But the greatest difficulty is, to find some of these Artists; I know but few, and a body would not trust to strangers: They are often careless or ignorant; and I would not have my Business slubber'd over.
Well, now I hope to come in with a piece of Advice: If your Majesty would have your Business done exactly, and to the very life, Take my Tommy; well he has a bold stroak with him; he draws all in Flesh and Blood: Tommy, Madam, Tommy should be the Man, I say: Though by the way, I had rather she'd let him alone; for my Tommy has as much business with me as he can lay his hand to.
No Mazato, I should not like thy Tommy: He has been a long time about thee, and yet has made but a bare piece of work on't. Now Vengeance take them, if they don't guess better, and save me the trouble of naming one my self. Oh! Dear Dadamore, hast thou never a Friend here?
I'll name your Majesty several, and so take their choice. What think you of Pietro? Let me tell you he has a gentile way with him, to my knowledge.
'Tis true, I could fancy Pietro well enough for an after Game;
and indeed, for fear of the worst, a body would have two strings to ones Bow: But my Count, my Count; in Drawing, Fancy is a vast matter: Oh, if I were to be drawn in Flesh and Blood, (as Mazato says) my Count would be the Man.
No Sycophante, Pietro's a devout Man, and concerned in the Church; he might mistake my Minutes, and fall a Preaching up Abstinence when I have a mind to Feast. No Sycophante, I would be upon sure grounds; you know I have been baulkt enough already: Oh! My dear Dadamore.
I find her drift:
'Tis certain our Hungarians are not so lively and brisk in their Fancies, as your Gallo Graecians and Italians.
Oh! Your Italians are brave Fellows; why they are Men of an universal fancy; there's not Man, Woman, Beast or Fowl, scapes them: Nay, I have heard them say, the great Noah was an Italian, and that most of the Creatures in the Ark were of his own drawing.
Why then I have thought of an Italian that will fit your Majesty to an Hairs breadth.
Who prithee Sycophante? Who? Prithee name him my Dear: Who? Who?
Oh! if she should mistake me now.
I hope I need go no farther than the Noble Count Dadamore.
Oh! Sycophante thou hast touch'd the string that makes Harmonious Musick in my Soul.
Now this comes of Modesty: If you had spoke but half a word of this before, your business had been done by this, but since it is as it is, better late than never.
ACT II.
SCENE I.
SO so! we are like to have warm work on't e'faith; this late Scene of Mirth and Joy for our new King and Queen may probably prove like the last blaze of a Candle spent in the socket: Young Philodemus they say is Landed in the West with a trusty Troop of Myrmidons, and sets up for the Christian Religion: Ha, ha, this Religion is the most quarrelsome thing in the World. There has not been a War in Europe this many Ages, but Religion still came in for a share; and Heaven knows, they that make most pother about it have commonly least to do with it: Well, what the event may be I cannot divine; but it is certain, this young Prince carries a great stroke in the Peoples Hearts, though in reality, he is but Natural Son to the late King; and has no more right to the Crown of Hungary, than I have to be King of Poland; however this good may come of his Enterprize, that if he escapes, though he be vanquished, he'll serve for a bridle to the exorbitant humour of our haughty ill-designing Queen, and to correct the weakness of an obstinate bigotted King. I have heard part of her designs; and how to advance the Pagan Religion in Hungary, she would not scruple to expose her Husbands Honour, her own Chastity, or the Kingdoms Welfare and Peace; but let her drive on, I have a reserve in store for her, that will make her Minions scratch, her self chafe, and Cullidada tremble; that will make him turn his tune of Obedience without Reserve, and be [Page 20]glad if his People will then take their own again and be quiet: But stay, here he comes with his Pious Chancellor and Confessor; he has Fire in his Eyes, and sullen Rage in his Face; he has heard of Monumora's Landing: I'll hush, up in a corner, and hear their Conference.
Well, 'tis no more than what he has threatned, and I expected; but what numbers has he with him?
'Tis certain he brought not an hundred with him, but in two days he's increased to three thousand, you may see now the Faith and Loyalty of Christians.
Pietro, abuse not the principle of Christianity, for the evil practices of a few misguided Creatures.
You speak very tenderly of them Philanax, thou seemest unwilling to call them what they are, Rebels.
Well, from this time forward farewel Christianity; they shall lose a Pillar of me.
O my Conscience, a Caterpillar both in Church and State.
Well I shall have the handling of some of them, I'll put a Collar mark on them.
Have you given Orders for raising the Militia? What Troops are gone down? Detach half of my own Guards, and make what haste you can to meet them: I hear they talk big, I'll soon try whether Rebels Hearts are as good as their Tongues.
Do you hear Philanax, the King says you must give no quarter: Sir,
you may lop them off now with Conscience and Honour, (as they have it in their Language) all that are in Arms shall fall of course, and Barbarossa, by a fetch of Law, will bring in the rest for Abettors.
Nay, nay, I reckon I shall come in for the gleanings: Well my Teeth water to be amongst them.
God Save our Sovereign Lord the King.
Prithee tell me of saving when the Enemy's beat. What News from the Rebels?
Why an't please your Majesty, they are all there together.
Prithee where together, how many are they, what do they do, and where's my Army? Speak to all this.
Why then an't please your Majesty, they are like a swarm of Bees; I'll warrant you they are at least a Thousand: No, no, I mistake, they are more a huge deal; for I saw them, and they reach'd from one end of our great Lane to th'other, and they all swore, they'd fight up to the Ears in Blood for the Christan Religion.
This is the Christian Passive Obedience, Sir.
Yes, yes, when they want an opportunity to get into Active Rebellion, why then they are all for Passive Obedience: But let but some fawning Nobleman, that can pull off his Hat to the Rabble, and shake hands with the Country Gentry at a Horse Race; let him I say but repair to the Market-Cross of some disaffected Town, and make an harangue of Liberty and Propery, and the Christian Religion, and e'faith they'll change their Tune in a moment, and like negligent School-boys when they have got into a new Lesson, they presently forget the old one.
Well Pietro, when this brush is over, I'll read 'em a Lecture of Pagan instruction:
And I'll see them put it in practice.
Well Philanax, I know thou speakst thy Love; but late experience, to my cost, has shewn your Christians love and sentiments of me.
Yes Sir, they shew'd their Zealous Loyalty, when with unheard of Impudence they stood disputing your Succession to the Throne.
Yes, yes Sir, do but trust them as your Father did, and they'll make you a Glorious Prince: Sir Philanax, you do ill I must tell, to plead thus for a company of Rebels; let me tell you Sir, I have had many a one Whipt and Fined unmercifully for less words than these: Come Sir let's have no pleading for Rebels.
Sir, when I plead 'tis for the innocent, and let the guilty suffer.
Sir, guilty or innocent, 'tis all one for that; if the King has a mind to punish them, 'tis ill Manners to argue against it.
Sir I am silent. O! Poor Hungaria, thou art like to thrive under such a dispenser of Justice.
Great Sir, the Enemy in a vast Body are on their march, and design, without delay, for Alba Regalis.
How far's our Army from them?
Seven Leagues.
Certainly never Man took such pains to win a Kingdom, as this unhappy Prince does to lose one: He has taken upon him to be the Father of his People; yet has sworn in his Heart to ruine and destroy them: He has Apostatized from his Faith, and made a sale of his Honour; and as it was said of him before his coming to the Crown That he never broke his word: So since his accession we may say, to our sorrow, That he never kept it. His people set him up, though excluded by Law, and chose rather to be guided by their love to his Family, than by the reasonable Rules of even necessary Politicks; they generously fixed all their thoughts on the King, and never disputed the Errours of the Pagan; and how well they are likely to be paid for their kindness, the Queen and Pietro have too lately declared. Well, they may be as extravagant as they please, but 'e fack the Reckoning must be paid one day.
SCENE II. The Duke of Monumora's Out-Guards.
Who comes there, stand, what are you?
A poor Countryman that has left his Wife and seven Children, to come and fight with his Highnesses Grace for the Chursten Religion, God bless him.
Prithee speak, are you for the Christian Duke of Monumora, or the Pagan King of Hungaria?
Udsbud he would fight for ne'r a Pagan King in Churstendom, so he would'nt, as long as he could heave a Bill to his Shoulders: No, no, he would have no saying Prayers to the Twelve Apostles, and twenty more beside. No, no, the good Wife would never let'n live in quiet, if I dud'nt fight for Prince Philodemy and the Chursten Religion.
Thou art one of us I see, come on; what Arms hast thou brought with thee?
Slid h' has both Arms and Ammunition; Law ye, here's a good tough brown Bill, and the best white Loaf Joan e'r made in all her Life.
That's one sort of Ammunition indeed: Come honest Brother, pass; you are in the direct way to the Main-Guard, and so good morrow.
Who comes there? stand, stand or I'll fire, stand I say.
What a Fool he was to make a Maun stand tull the Pagan Rogues come and knockn o'the head: Udsbud ler'n go to the Chursten Camp, and help young Philodemy to thrash those Pagan Dogs: A murrain on 'em hoo can't abide 'um.
Advance, advance Brother; what Arms have you brought with you?
By my faith Maun as good a Scith as e'r mov'd Hay; udsbud hoo wull so maule their shanks, hoo wull warrant the Pagan Rogues for coming into the West Country these twonty Years again.
Well Brother you know the way, I wish you a good Joruney.
Alack, alack, my poor Jonny; alack, alack, why wud he go to be kill'd by the ugly Pagans.
Hey day what have we hear, a young Dove that has lost her Mate, and now she's a cooing after him. Well what want you, whether are you travelling so early.
Alack, did hoo see my poor Jonny away here?
What a like man was he?
Ah hoo's Jonny was aruddy like Maun, and hoo told me, hoo lov'd me dearly.
Come give me a good kiss, and I'll—
Troop off. troop off, my little Doxy, Mars cannot be in Conjunction with Venus, this time.
Look, look, do's hoo see? Which is Prince Philodemy?
Why you tall Maun with the Nose: Oh! Hoo's so like his Father.
Why did hoo's know his Father?
No, know'n what then, hoo's sure he must be like his Father he's so handsome.
Gentlemen, keep silence while the Prince speaks.
Gentlemen,
Did ever hoo hear such a civil, well bred Prince; why hoo call'd us all Gentlemen at the very first word: Well, hoo shall have my Vote to be King.
I am come here to fight for the Christian Religion; and I hope you'll all stick by me.
Yes, yes, we'll all fight for the Chursten Religion, and Prince Philodemy.
Do ye love your Wives?
Yes, yes, we love our Wives as long as we can stand.
No, no, I don't love my Wife; for I caught her a mowing with Jacob in the Barn, so I don't love my Wife, but I love the Chursten Religion and young Philodemy.
And you would not have them taken away and ravished by the cruel Pagans.
Udsbud, No, hoo's have many a broken head first.
Udsfish an they ravish my Wife, hoo would sub poena 'm into the Bishops Court, and let'n take what follows.
And you would not have your Children murthered before your Faces?
Ah lack, no no.
Alack, I would not have my Tommy kill'd for the best Cow in my Landlords stall; ah Neighbour, you know his God mother would almost cry her Eyes out for him.
Well Gentlemen, if you have a value for your Wives, your Children and Estates; if you wish well to the Christian Religion, as Establish'd by Law; if you would keep your Churches undefiled with the Heathenish Idolatry of the Pagans, and your Daughters with their Beastly Lusts; why then Gentlemen stick close by me, and I shall endeavour to preserve you in your Religion, your Laws, your Liberties, and over and above reward every one of you for your kindness and love to me: Therefore Gentlemen, if you do resolve to espouse this Cause with me, let us be resolute and valiant, and oppose our Enemies to the utmost drop of our Blood: We shall not have many of these opportunities to do our selves good, therefore we must strike now or [Page 27]never; and indeed if we gain this, we need fear no more, our Enemies will never stand again, no they will run like Hares before us.
Run away says he? Will they so? Udsbud then I'll be after them full drive; I always lov'd an Enemy that would run away without any more ado: Oh! I fight like a Lyon always when they run away.
Pray Gentlemen bring what Fire Arms you can with you, and I'll take care to have you Regimented and well disciplined; and so I bid you heartily farewel.
But heark you me, I pray your
Worship one word with you before you go.
Speak Friend.
Mun we be all Officers?
Oh! yes, yes, all Officers.
Why then heark you me neighbour, I'll be a Collonel; and look ye me, because you are my friend, you shall be,
what do'n you call that is the next Maun after me,
Pugh, pugh, I'll be the place of a Justice, law ye now.
Why hoo's a Fool, we mu'n be all Collonels or Captains; why there never is any Iustice in the Kings Army:
Come, come, lets us make our selves ready for these Pagan Rogues, and so let us pray,
God bless the Chursten Religion and Prince Philodemy.
SCENE III. The Scene changes to Alba Regalis.
No News from the Camp yet Pietro.
The King has not a word but that the Rebels increase daily: He has sent other strict orders to the General to fight them without delay.
'Twas a desperate attempt of the Duke of Monumora's to invade a Kingdom at time of peace with so small a handful of Men.
He had certainly great hopes of Friends in the Country, and I begin to fear the worst.
Well, you and I must follow the same fate; we must stick close together.
I hope to see you close hang together.
My Lord your Servant.
Honest Remarquo how goes it: Well I have considred your affair, and design you a kindness assoon as this Plaugy business of the West is over.
My good Lord, your Servant thanks you; perhaps his own business may be over by that time.
Well Remarquo what News from the Rebels; I have not been at Court to day.
Now will I heat 'um:
Why Sir, matters appear to be much more dangerous than we thought at first: The Country comes in strangely to them; they all cry up for the Chursten Religion, and Prince Philodemus, whom they now call King.
Good lack Remarquo; but is it so?
He has put out a Proclamation of Pardon to all that will submit, with some few exceptions only; and I think he has had the Confidence to put in your Lordship and this Gentleman more for two.
Udslife this is very hard, to fall thus from the very prick of preferment; this must not be.
And is the Reverend Pietro. excepted too, 'tis unjust: Let me see, I must contrive some way or other to save my bacon;
what if I should betray Pietro into the Dukes hands:
Nay, King Queen, all should go if I could save but Barbarossa, the great Barbarossa: I'd assoon hang as go to my old trade of Petryfogging again.
My Lord the King commands both your attendance.
For whereas most Vices covet to lurk under the disguise of Vertues, he has made it his sole business to expose his bare faced; as if it was not sufficient for the World to know, without they saw him commit them.
Halt; give the Word softly.
Halt, halt.
Gentlemen we must march with all the silence imaginable; the Night favours us, and we may take them knapping. When we come upon them, we must fall on without any good morrows; one hours good work and the day is our own: Billmen succeed the Shot, and fall on pell mell; 'twill be time enough to give Quarter at Sun-rise, when we can know who and who's together. Now march.
March, march
Stand, stand, and charge the Rogues; some Villian betrayed us; they were prepared for us: Come, come, charge; flying wont save us.
Here Collonel, take your Regiment of Firelocks; line those Hedges; I'll stand the Body. Where's the Horse? Here speed to the Horse, bid them charge their Flanks: Charge them home brave boys. They fly, they fly.
Sir provide for your self: Retreat assoon as you can; you are betrayed: The General of the Horse is march'd off without striking a stroak: The Enemy are pouring in upon us, and 'twill be impossible to stand.
Dear Sir make off, you'll be surrounded in a moment.
Down with them, down with the Rebels.
Quarter, Quarter, Noble Collonel, spare our Lives.
Down with your Arms then,
though you had as good be knock'd o'the head as hang'd. Here takes the Rogues, tye them together, and drive'um before you.
Come march you Rebelly Dogs.
Gentlemen you have behaved your selves bravely; the King has ordered his Thanks to you, and will take care to reward you.
Long Live Culledada King of Hungary.
Here you Collonel, detach a Regiment of Horse, and two of foot, and scowr about the adjacent Countries for Monumora; he can't be got far; the King gives Five Hundred Pound to them that take him.
ACT. III.
SCENE I. Alba Regalis.
If your Majesty pleases to depute me for that Business, I have a Compendious way to deal with them.
Your's be the care of that, Barbarossa.
Now if I should have a queasie fit come upon me, and be Merciful, it would vex me heartily.
Is he taken?
Taken, and lurking in a poor Disguise.
Nay, if I had a stock of Pity now, I don't know but I might spare him a little; but hang it, he had better die, than Cullidada, and the Kingdom should lose a good Chancellor.
Oh! my Discretion knows to limit those.
SCENE. II.
Let your Grave Philosophers keep a pother about their Entities and Quidities, one flight of a VVomans Fancy would ruin the nicest of their Distinctions.
And what's no mean Ornament to your Atchievments, to have Success like a Lacquey, still keeping pace with you; so that you no sooner grow big with a Project, but she like a Mid-wise, stands ready to deliver you.
Let their Christian Sanhedrims now pore upon their Fear and Jealousies, I think I have sitted them with a Bill of Exclusion. O! how my hopes do antedate the tedious Months. Well, this is a Revenge worthy my self, to satisfie my Love, my Ambition, and my Interest at once: Why, it will make the Musti, and whole Conclave blush to see themselves so much out-done: And then my Lovely Dadamore, 'twill be no mean or trifling Pleasure to thee, to have, perhaps, a long Successive Race of Pagan Kings, sprung from thy very Loins; beside, the expectance of a vast Reward from our most Holy Prophet, for thy care thus to improve his People's Interest.
But, Madam, grant (for we'll suppose the worst) that this should fail,
It is impossible, did not our Holy Virgin, the Great Loretto, promise me Success; hear the Words of the Oracle:
VVhy, 'tis a sort of Riddle.
Oh! your Oracles always speak in that manner, but the Key to explain it was sent with this: I have the sense of it at my Fingers ends. In short, my Dear Dadamore, the Secret is this, that if the Envious Stars Conspire to render our Embraces fruitless, we must [Page 37]have recourse to the other extream: Time presses hard, and we may be sure to have the Curse of our Prophet, if for want of an Heir, we should let the Inheritance of Mother-Church fall to Strangers.
SCENE III. Alba Regalis.
VVell, Remarquo, who is the Christians King now?
Pietro.
Ha, ha, how do you make that out Remarquo?
VVhy the Queen Governs the King, and Pietro Rules the Queen, so in effect Pietro is King.
I don't like your Jest.
I don't like your Earnest.
Thou talkest as big as if thou hadst another Monumora at thy back.
If I have, you'll not stay to look him in the Face: I have one in store yet, for your Confessor-ship. He may raise the Price of Hemp as much as Barbarossa,
Come, prithee be Civil Remarquo, and lets talk of the News. You were at Monumora's Execution; how did he behave himself?
As an Honest Man would do amongst a Company of Knaves; what he thought fit to say, he knew would not be suffer'd; and what they would have him, he scorn'd; and there's and End of his Speech: Your Worship will make a longer perhaps, when your turn comes.
VVell, Remarquo, I pitty him; but the Cause, Remarquo, the Cause must go forward.
If the Cause (as he calls it) and his Worship had been Hang'd Twenty Years ago, I would have been at the trouble of Pitying him too: Pity quoth he? Poor Hungary will never be happy till he is so Pitied.
SCENE IV. Aceldama in the West.
Here you Mr. Timorosa, you look like an Honest Man: Come, do you know these Men at the Bar? Look on them.
Yes, my Lord, I should know them, but my Memory is bad, I have forgot them.
Speak out Man, thou art afraid, Did'st not thou see those Fellows here Arm'd, and Engaging like Sturdy Rebels in the Duke of Monumora's Army, against our Soveraign Lord Cullida?
O Lord, Sir, I was never in an Engagement my Self, but I saw those Men all; and some of them with brown Bills, Scythes, and Hatchets.
You saw them among the Rebels?
My Lord, I dont know Rebels from other Folke.
Ha!
But the Truth on't is, they have the very Looks of Rebels
Thou hast the Look of a Hobby-Horse. Set up the next there.
My Lord, perhaps he might see me with a Bill on my Shoulder; I was going to the Field about my business.
You were going to the Field to Plow with your Bill: Yes, you went to Sow Rebellion, and you'll Reap Halters: This is your Christian Religion, as you call it! Well, you'll not scruple to Die Martyrs for it. Come you Mr. Treacheronto, what can you tell us of these Men?
My Lord, I saw them every one hacking and hewing as if Old- Nick was in 'em.
Where was you when you saw us?
Where was I? why, where I saw you, I warrant you: Nay, if you are for asking hard Questions, I'll fit you: My Lord, I saw that Man as fierce as a Dragon, I'll warrant he kill'd Fourteen or Fifteen himself.
What Murder and Rebellion! Come Sir, for your part you have said enough.
What Estate has this Gentleman, Sir?
Near Four Hundred per Annum.
A fair Estate, 'tis pitty it should be all lost to himself and Family.
Sir, the Judge is my very good Friend, and I pity your Condition, I shall do my endeavours for you.
Nay, Sir, he carries a great stroak with him, and you know Life is sweet, a Body would give ANY THING for ones Life.
Wo is me, Sir, you shall Command all I have, so you will but save my Life.
Alack Sir, I don't value five hundred pounds, 'tis pure Charity that I stir in it.
VVho in the Name of Goodness have we here?
O my Conscience, the Musti's Blood-hounds, and Barbarossa's [Page 40]Purse-Bearers, the two Law-Butchers that comes every Sessions and Assize, and grope the Prisoners, as Graziers do their Cattle, to see if they be Fat, and well to pass; then if there's hopes of a handsom Greasing, they presently give their Master the hint, who extends his Mercy, as Rooking Gamesters at first lose their Money, only to draw you in for a deeper stake: But hold, I'll mark the Proceeding.
But, Sir, the Truth on't is (speaking to the Prisoner) my Lord's Servants will expect something considerably.
Sir, the Five Hundred Pounds shall be ready in two Hours.
Well, you see Gentlemen, the Evidence is plain against you, what have you more to say? What do they say Dispenso?
So there's the watch VVord.
My Lord, there is Mr. Wealthy and his Kins-man, wholly throw themselves upon the King's Mercy, I believe they have been deluded.
Ay, in my Conscience, if the Devil had been in their places, and you too to have dealt with him, he had been at a plaguy non-plus, if not out-done, in his own Master-piece of Cheating, Lying, Forgery, &c.
VVell then, Gentlemen of the Jury, you have heard the full Evidence against the Prisoners, for the two black Crimes of Murther and Rebellion; the time will not admit of any long Discourse, we have other Business of the same Nature; only this I must tell you, they are plainly Guilty by the Law, and you cannot but bring them in so.
My Lord, I have not spoke one VVord for my self.
Oh! Sir, you need not say much, you have done more than you'll be able to answer while you live. VVhat say you, Gentlemen of the King's Evidence, was not that Fellow amongst them?
Nay, my Lord, I must needs say, I know his Face very well. Yes, yes, he was one, a meer Rebel he. Now, I think on't he's a Creditor of mine.
My Lord, I desire Justice, that Fellow owes me a hundred Pound, and thinks to come out of my Debt by falsly Accusing me. Oh! Villain.
Do you hear, my Lord, would any but a Rebel Abuse the King's Evidence thus?
Come, Gentlemen of the Jury; I find they have nothing material to offer, so go out.
Was there ever seen such a Monstrous Dispenser of Justice, that would rather throw away the Lives of so many poor Christians without a hearing, than stay half an hour for his Dinner? Why, the Villain was certainly suckled with Blood; he does even thirst after it: With what Ridicule and Buffoonry he us'd the poor Wretches! Not the half of 'em were suffer'd to speak a word for their Lives.
Make way for the Jury there.
How say you, is John Littlehope, &c. Guilty of the Murther and Treason for which they stand Indicted, or not Guilty?
Guilty.
Goaler, look to your Prisoners.
Well, Gentlemen, you that are Prisoners there, and by the Law stand Convicted; as your Crimes have been of the blackest nature, so that you cannot in reason expect much Favour; so I shall proceed to give Sentence of Death according to Law.
ACT IV.
SCENE I.
WIth Child, Man? 'Tis a Miracle!
How! a Miracle! what, for a brisk Lady not yet thirty to be with Child? Why, prithee, there's not one in Fifty of the Sex but has a Colt's tooth in her Head at Threescore; tho' by the by (considering all things) I should as soon have suspected my Grandmother as her Majesty upon that score.
Oh dear, Sir Philanax, the Queen is full of Children, and what is more, I dare affirm, she is going with a Prince, or I am very much mistaken in the Stars.
Why, there's the thing? These Pagans are the shrewdest Astrologers, they Calculate every thing to an hairs breadth; they have an Almanack fitted for every Meridian, and seldom fail in a Tittle of their Predictions.
But, pray Madam, how long is she gone?
I am not acquainted with Particulars, but 'tis a blessing obtain'd from the Holy Virgin of Loretto.
I should have thought an Address from her Majesty, to some Holy broad-back'd Brother would have better befitted her Desires and Circumstances.
But what Applications did the Virgin prescribe?
Oh! she sent her a Smock of a Generative Faculty, I'll warrant ye we shall never want a Prince now.
Nay, nay, now I remember, Madam, the Receipt was sound out near an hundred years agone.
Yes, yes, it has lain dormant among the Pagan Relicks ever since Hantefelia the First, and now for the good of the Kingdom, and Advantage of Holy Mother Church, 'tis brush'd up anew; but this won't do.
Well, Madam, Increase of the Royal Issue is a great Blessing.
Oh! we shall see glorious Times in Hungary, Remarquo, These puling Christians make such a strange pother about Liberty and Property, and I know not what, that they spoil all the good Intentions of the King and Queen. Those Patients can never expect to be well Cur'd, that won't follow the Advice of their Physicians.
Nay, Madam, I must needs confess we are in a lamentable Condition; but by the way, we should be as little beholding to her for her way of Cure, as I should be to be knock'd o'th' head by the way of putting me out of pain, when yet there was pregnant hopes of my Recovery.
Well, Sir Philanax, the Queens Delivery will put an end to, and satisfie all our Fears and Jealousies.
Spoke like an Oracle efaith!
Yes, yes, the Queens Midwife, you must know, speaks with abundance of fore-knowledge. Satisfie their Fears and Jealousies, said she? Yes, her Majesties Delivery (as they call it) will satisfie all Parties; the Pagans, because they hope to bring their old Plot of a Sham Prince to perfection; and the Christians, no doubt, will be satisfied of the Cheat. Well, I shall live, I hope, to see her Majesty and this Kingdom fitted with a Delivery. I believe, indeed, her Majesty has made as curious a search, and taken as much bodily Pains for an Heir, as ever Chymist did for the Philosopher's Stone: But, alas! a Body might as soon extract Gold out of a Flint, as hope for a Child from such known deprav'd and sickly Constitutions; I hear by Mazato, indeed, that the Count and her Majesty have made many Experiments about it, but can't nick it; so now they [Page 44]have resolv'd to trump up the old Game, and play the Tune of her Majesties Name sake of Pious Memory, Well, I'll stick as close to her as the Shadow to the Substance, he shall never make use of a Pot, but I, like a Physician, will be casting her Water; I'll trace her to her very Bed, and observe every part of her; not the Promises of the King, nor the Threats of her self, shall be able to delude or frighten me. No, I love my King as my Father, but would not make him my Idol, and Adore him; I honour him as my King, but will not with base Flattery blow him up to a Tyrant; I will obey him as a Dispenser of, but not with Justice, and above all, I'll prefer the safety and honour of my Country in general, before the private Lusts, and unlawful wicked Designs of any Prince in Christendom. And this, Sir Philanax, is or ought to be the firm Resolution of every honest Hungarian.
And may the Plague of Pagan Tyranny light on him that wants it.
SCENE. II. The Palace of St. Jacques. The Queens Bed-Chamber.
Your Majesty will consider, I presume, that this being a Business of vast moment, it is to be managed with all the nicity imaginable, the least slip here, like the taking out the pin of a Watch, sets the whole Work out of Order; and, what is amiss here, is not like to be ever recovered.
I know all this, Cellia, and my own strong Inclination, as well as former real Experince, should, I fancy, put me out of all fear of failing.
Madam, you cannot be too perfect, you'll have abundance of Eyes & Ears about you; therefore my humble Advice is, That your Majesty would not think it a trouble to practite it well before it comes to the Test.
Let's see then Cellia, what must we do?
So, so, the Play is compos'd and distributed, and now they are come to rehearse their Parts.
Oh dear Cellia, we shall have no use of them, 'twill be too publick for us, it must be all done in Bed.
Yes, I'll warrant you, with the Curtains close drawn, and none but your Worships to fumble about her Queenship, and then if we sail of a Sturdy Boy, let Old-Nick fail you.
That's the up shot of all, but there are praeliminaries to be considered.
Yes, in the first place Your Majesty will remember every Morning you are to be taken with a small fit of Hawking and Reaching, and now and then a Long-spit or two.
Oh Madam, I remember a Qualm on the Stomach now and then is a very deluding thing (with the Men especially) and passes for a certain sign of a growing Belly.
I remember how I bubbled a young Spark so once, who was fond of the conceit of having got me with Child, and when I had hook'd in some Presents of considerable value, I feign'd a Miscarriage, which cost him a few Tears, and me a sound Laughing, and there was an End of my Qualms; yes, yes, Qualms will go a great way.
Now if her Majesty wanted a stock of Hypocrisie, &c. She is got into good Company, and might be easily furnished: Oh the unsearchable Impudence of some Women!
In the next place, when your Majesty would admit of much Company, you must yield to a Minutes Torture of being very strait Lac'd, which will be apt for the present to make you ready to Faint, which will add much to the Credit of your being with Child,
That's a piece of Skill I was unacquainted with till now, Madam Cellia.
From the quickning of the Child, proceeds Motion in the Womb, which disturbing some Fibres that go up to the Heart, causeth Palpitations, &c. and thence proceed Swooning, Faintings, Short-breathings, &c.
On my Conscience, I shall have a sweet Lecture of Natural Philosophy, she'll run over Aristotle's Problems presently.
If Swoonings and Faintings be a Rule you prescirbe, I can easily perform it; but Mazato, and all of you, remember to loosen me presently, or I may be sick indeed.
Binding in the back, like one that is overburthen'd, is so natural a consequence of a Great Belly, that Your Majesty will not, I believe, need Instructions concerning it.
Well, now from a Mothodical Digestion of these weighty Instructions, a body might make a shift to pick up a Moderate Maintenance; why, I shall be a perfect Midwife; there's many a Man has set up his Trade, that has not Learn'd half so much on't, as I have of this.
Now Madam, we must be bold with your Majesties Belly, for that is, as it were, the Primum Mobile of our Intrigue, and must be ordered with abundance of Nicety.
Udsbud, what are they going to do now?
Oh lau! Treason, Treason! 'Dsflesh, if I should be caught here now, I should be hang'd as round as a hoop, for committing Treason against her Majesties Belly; well, I don't care, I'll carry a good Conscience with me, I will not see.
Your Majesty must have it heightned by degrees, it must carry a Simimilitude of a Natural Swelling.
This is an odd way of getting a Son, an Heir, though:
What, a few Rags pinn'd together, must personate the Prince, and we shall have some neighbouring Monarchs, sent to, and Solicited to stand God-Fathers to a Piss-burnt Cushion: Well, they may get what Infant they please to compleat the Comedy; but I'll engage he shall stand to his Pedigree, and never be any thing in Hungary, but King of his Mothers Clowts.
All these are but trifles, Sycophant, my own Ingenuity will undertake these; but the very Critical Minute, Celia, that's the grand Question, these Plaguy Christians are so mistrustful, they'll not take ones word for any thing.
'Tis very hard, considering her Majesty deals so Iustly by them.
Madam, young Pupils must of necessity submit to the Experince and Doctrine of their Elders; this is not the first business of this nature that I have manag'd, and with your Majesties Patience, I'll draw you a Scheme of all we are to do, in a moment.
Prithee Celia, I have Inclination and knowledge, but my Modesty will be at a stand.
O Lau! O Lau! Modesty, said she? She has been at the Court of Hungary these ten years, where Whoring, Lying, &c. have been improv'd at the rate of Fifty per Cent, and now she pretends to boggle at a little. Dissembling: Yes, yes, I have heard Count Dadamore and her Queenship, Con over Lectures of Modesty, till they sweat again.
Oh! She's a very Zealot in Modesty, when she lights of an industrious Tutor.
However, Cellia considering the necessity, I'll over-run all difficulties.
Her Highness is very positive; She and her Jehusites have made it their business to wrangle us out of our Senses, if they could; and the King has not left us the disposal even of one Thought, for he tells us we are to give an implicite Obedience without Reserve, so that if all other means fail, for ought we know, we may have the Daughter of an Elephant trump't up [Page 48]with a Declaration of Hic est filius meus, and who dare dispute or gain say it?
Well then, Madam, in the first place, suppose your self handsomely laid in Bed, between nine and ten in the Morning, and no Company but your own Trusty Friends, the Christians safe at their Devotion (the Prelates especially must be absent.)
Oh! Foh, if I had a mind to save Charges, I'd take no other Physick than the sight of a Christian Prelate. Oh! what a strange working it has caus'd in my Stomach, the very name of them is a Vomit.
Nor indeed must any other of them come within sight of you, they'll make such a noise with impertinent Questions, as may spoil your Milk, as you know Thunder does Ale.
There's some hopes of this, Lady Midwife; her Memory I see is short, and she may be out in her Lesson, she's afraid of spoiling her Milk, when they had agreed before, she could have none; but 'tis the nature of some people to tell a lie so often, that at last they perswade themselves 'tis true.
Alack! You may be sure Cullidada will take care to keep them at the farther part of the Room, where you know out of common complaisance, they must harangue him upon his Vnexpected Happiness.
Of having a Child beyond all possibility.
You are in the right on't, Madam; then for two or three faint Cries (such as I gave when I made my Husband believe he was tearing my Maidenhead to pieces, and a little bustling about the Cloaths, and out comes the Young Perkin, as like the Father as if he were spit out of his Mouth.
But as to the cleanly conveying him in; we forgot that, Celia.
That I'll shew you in a moment.
Now Madam, just before the critical minute, you call of course to have the bed warm'd, then in comes me, Madam Midwife, [Page 49]with this Warming-pan, mark you me, with young Perkin as sung in it as a drowned Toast in the bottom of a Tankard; then while you are undressing and ready to pop in, whip, I strait disembogue and leave your Majesty the hopeful Mother of a lusty Son and Heir.
So, so, this is an excellent way to hinder collateral descents: Why, who would be so foolish to pine for an Heir, when every Midwife in Town can so easily supply them?
Why, this Cellia is an Artist, Ladies: Well, thou hast satisfied me to a miracle: I long for the good hour. Oh, I have it now at my fingers ends.
ACT. V.
Scene I.
Repent, and I forgive.
Repent, and I forgive.
ACT. V. Scene II. The Mosque at the Palace of St. Jacques.
This News has struck 'em all dumb; you can see nothing at Court but a Company of moving Statues; the Christians whisper indeed, but the Pagans shake their Heads, as Physitians do when they give a Man over; and the King runs to and fro as if he were pursu'd by a Spirit or Goblin. I wonder where the good natur'd Pietro, and the Generons Barbarossa are, I have not seen them at Alba Regalis all this Evening; I'll warrant you, one is consulting the good of the Christians Souls, as the other did of their Bodies in the West, and are as calm in their Consciences as the meek suffering Martyrs; and as little disturb'd at the News, as a Hare at the first opening of the Kennel. Well, I'll go in and visit some of their Active Brethren, who at this time now are wonderful busie in forging false Reports, to scatter amongst the People. Had who have we yonder? Oh there's
the Jebusites private Cabal; now they are preparing business to be offer'd in Council; a Company of true State-Tinkers, who under the pretence of mending one Fault, make twenty. Well, I must [Page 55]be incognito; I'll stand up here and listen, I may edifie upon it perhaps.
We have no time, Gentlemen, to make long Speeches: let us each offer our Sentiments, and from thence we'll pick out matter for the fittest Proposals to be made to Cullydada.
What are the Heads of the Prince Lysander's Declaration?
I am afraid the Reverend Pietro's and mine are two of them.
Ay, And I hope he'll have better hold of them, that in his Declaration.
Does our Danger proceed from the Person of the Prince?
Oh! He's the Primum Mobile of the Faction.
Why then can we want a Zealous Brother, that will venture to give him a gentle touch under the Fifth Rib? 'Tis the way of the Pagans, and according to the Instructions of Mother-Church.
I confess 'tis lawful, but not at this time seasonable; we must use Lenitives yet a while; we may have a time yet.
Yes, yes; I may see them all take their turns in good time.
The Plaguy Christian Nobles advise the King forthwith to call the Sanhedrim.
Oh! how they wince at the very name of it?
Vdsbud, a Sanhedrim! Why, the very thought of one's as dreadful as the sight of a Death's Head, and there's a Memento mori to us included in the very Words.
Alack, my Breath smells of Hemp ever since you mention'd it: Why, prithee what was our business here for these many long years, but to stave off Sanhedrims, unless now and then to let them come together for matter of Form, and to fill the Kings Coffers, which we always made sure to employ against themselves.
Nay, I had as lief take a Lion by the Paw, as look a House of Commons in the Face, they have such a plaguy way of making a Man dancing the Somerset before 'em, and turning him inside outward: I should not be my self again while I liv'd.
Nay, o'my Conscience, there must be a great dearth of Halters, here, if you liv'd long after.
But how do the People behave themselves?
Ay, there's the sting.
Why to be plain, As Malefactors at the Gallows, when they. see a Reprieve come, an unusual blithness in the face of the better sortst and an insulting boldness in the Rabble: I walkt the Streets last Night in Disguise, on purpose to hear their Sentiments, where you should see at every other Door private Caballers and publick Mutineers: At one place they stop'd me, and made me Drink Confusion to Pietro, and his Holy Colleague the Chancellor: at another I saw a company of Boys were busie in twisting of Wattles I ask'd what they were for? They presently return'd, to hang the Iebusites together, and make a present of them to the Prince Lisander: Now this is our Distemper, Brother Barbarossa, what do you prescribe?
Why, I am at a stand; I have a plaguy Crick in my Neck of a suddain, and that's very ominous. Oh, that I had but two or three State Days in the West again! Oh, 'twould be an infallible remedy.
Nay, your Worship need not doubt of making one Holy-day before you dye yet.
My Lord the King sends for you both with all speed.
What's the News prithee?
The Prince Lysander is landed in the West with a formidable Army, and the Country pour in like Hail to him; some of the King's Troops have already entirely joyn'd him, and all the people declare unanimously for him.
Oh poor Chancellor!
Ah-poor Pietro!
Scene III. Alba Regalis.
Oh Villains! Rebels! Traytors! thus to betray their King and me. Are these their Christian Principles? Foh!
Why, there's the business: these ill-natur'd Christians. Out upon 'em, that two or three Millions of Souls should so unanimously conspire to save their ancient dear bought Laws from being subverted, their Religion from being violated, and their Throats from being Cut, when her Majesty had such a longing desire for it. Indeed it was ill manners.
Oh, if Barbarossa and the General had followed Pietro's advice and mine, they should not have left either Hive or Bee in that cursed West.
Ay, but the Soldiers are wiser now; for to save shedding of Blood, they are all gone over to one side.
Dear Hautefelia, do not so immoderately grieve, but think thy loving Dadamore shall still supply all that envious Fortune can take from thee.
Dear Dadamore, I must confess thou art the prop and stay of all my hopes; but—
Speak; What's the News? make no preamble, be plain and short.
The King sends word his Army is revolted; his very Friends, Relations, all are gone, and he's returning with all speed for fear of being surprized by the Enemy.
Oh! Tortures, Plagues and Curses seize them: Come, come my Friends, for you must share my Fate.
Alack, if I should lose my Tommy now in this hurly burly!
Does he design so suddenly to come?
Some of his Troops will quarter here to night.
I'le answer all by a Messenger of mine.
Well my Friends, you see how Fate and Time press me? I have told you my designs, and this Night resolve to put them in execution: the Queen and Child are safe gone off; and Pietro she has left her Casket of Jewels to your care and charge.
I'le be her faithful Carrier: humh! the Iewels to my charge! Nay, there's a little comfort then; I find I shall not go empty handed. Yes, yes, I shall take care of them.
It begins to grow late, we must separate: Well my good Friends, farewel; we may meet again.
Come, come, away Boys, away; the King has slip'd away, but we'll claw his Pagans off.
Ay, ay, let's pull down their Houses; they have abundance [Page 59]of Crosses and Beads in them: Oh I hate Crosses; there's none but Heathens love Crosses.
Ay let's pull down Count— what de call'ems house; Oh he's a devilish Pagan, there's abundance of Gold and Money there.
Nay, then it deserves to be pull'd down: I'le warrant you they worship it there.
Ay, and there's Goodman Fangum, he's a Plaguy Fellow; Iowe him for two Suits of Cloaths indeed, but he rayl'd so sadly against Prince Lysander, that I have no mind to pay him.
Come, come, we will lay down our Lives for the Christian Religion, and so 'tis unreasonable these Pagans should have such a deal of Money; come, away Boys, away.
So honest Brother, come along with us, Efack you shall have Brass enough to mend.
Ay, Ay, come away, God bless the Christian Religion, and hang the Pagans: Omnes, Amen, Amen.
Come along Old Bay, we'll make thee for ever.
O' my Conscience they'll make me out of my Wits, if they keep me much longer.
Come old Boy, throw away that Budget; thou shalt have a purse full of Brass and Iron.
No, hang it, I'll keep it because 'twas my Fathers: Uds-be as black as the Case appears, there's a heavenly lustre within. O my Heart akes for my Jewels.
Oh! I love this gutting of Houses dearly, my Father was brought up to the Trade.
I had a Brother liv'd and dy'd in't.
Ay Tom, I remember him very well, I saw him cut down.
Away, away Boys; holloo, holloo.
For Heavens sake Sir's, keep me from the Mob; and do else what you please with me.
Do you hear, the Villain abuses us, he calls us plain Mob, without an M. to it.
Ay, ay, a Rogue, he hang'd my Brother in the W [...] without ever a Letter in the whole Criss Cross Row; He would not let him speak one word or tittle for himself.
Hey day! why is this the Chancellor? Why he look as if he had been at Sea.
No, he looks as if he would have been at Sea; but hang him, he was never born to be drown'd.
Why here's a strange alteration; here's the Judge turn'd Executioner; he's like the Hangman in the West.
O the Villain, he hang'd my Father for giving a handful of Hay to one of the Lord of Monumora's Horsemen: Oh his tear him to pieces: Guard stand off there.