THE LIFE and DEATH OF Mr. NATHANAEL MATHER.
I Write the Life and Death of a Young Man, whose Ornament will awaken in the Reader, an Enquiry like that which the Atchievments of David, produced concerning him, Whose Son is this Youth?
To Anticipate that Enquiry:
Nathanael Mather had for his Grand-Fathers Two of New-England's Fathers, the Famous Richard Mather, and the not less Famous John Cotton; whose Names have been in the Church of God, as an Ointment powred forth, and whose Lives bear no little Figure in the Ecclesiastical Histories [Page 2] of our English Israel. His [...] being yet living, it's too▪ soon, to gi [...] them their Character; yet I may ventu [...] to say, It's no disgrace unto him in the Opinion of Men that love Learning and Virtue, that he was the Son of Increas [...] Mather, the well known Teacher of a Church in Boston, and Rector of Harward Colledge in New-England. What Gregory Nazianzen judged not improper [...] be said about his yet surviving Father in his Funeral Oration upon his Decea [...] ed Brother, I may without any culpa [...] Adulation on this occasion, say of him He is another Aaron or Moses in the [...] of his God.
Our Nathanael was born on July 6▪ 1669. which I find him Recording [...] his Diary, when he was fourteen Year [...] Old, with such an humble Reflection ther [...]upon, How little have I improved this tim [...] to the Honour of God as I should have [...] He wanted not the Cares of his Father to bestow a good Education on him, which God blessed for the Restraining him from the lewd and wild Courses by which [...] many Children are betimes resigned [...] to the possession of the Devil, and [...] the Furnishing him with the Accomplishments as give an Ornament of Grace [...] [Page 3] the Head of Youth. He did Live where he might Learn, and under the continual Prayers and Pains, of some that looked after him, he became an Instance of unusual Industry, and no Common Piety; so that when he dyed, which was Octob. 17 th. 1688. he was become in less than twenty years, An Old Man without Gray hairs upon him.
To those two Heads, with a sorrowful Addition of a Third, I shall consine my account of this Young Man; in which the Picture to be now drawn, has nothing but the Truth, and at least so much of Life in it, as to look upon every Reader, yea speak unto him, saying, Go and do likewise.
I. His INDUSTY.
He was an hard Student, and quickly became a good Scholar. From his very Childhood, his Book was perhaps as dear to him as his Play, and hence he grew particularly acquainted with Church-History, at a rate not usual in those that were above thrice as Old as He. But when he came to somewhat more of Youth, his Tutor (who now writes) was forced often to Chide him to his Recreations, but never that I remember for [Page 4] them. To be Bookish was natural unto him, and to be plodding easie and pleasant rather than the contrary. Indeed he afforded not so much a Pattern as a Caution to young Students; for it may be truly written on his Grave, Study kill'd Him. The marks and works of a Studious Mind were to be discerned in him, even as he walked in the Streets; and his Candle would burn after Midnight, until, as his own Phrase for it was, He thought his bones would all fall asunder. This was among the passages once noted in his Diary.
10 M. 26 D. three quarters of an hour after 12 at Night.
[Page 5] While he thus devoured Books, it came to pass that Books devoured him. His weak Body would not bear the Toils, and Hours, which he used himself unto; and his Neglect of Moderate Exercise, joyned with his Excess of Immoderate Lucubration, soon destroyed the Digestion which his Blood should have had in the last Elaboration of it: by that time sixteen Winters had snow'd upon him, he began to be Distempered, with many Pains and Ailes, especially in some of his Joynts, which at last were the Gates of Death unto him; not without such very afflictive touches of Melancholy, too, as made him sometimes to Write himself, Deodatus Melancholicus. This was his way of living, shall I say, or of Dying? And the success of this Diligence was according to the Temper of it Great. When he was but Twelve Years Old he was admitted into the Colledge, by strict Examiners: And many Months after this passed not, before he had accurately gone over all the Old Testament in Hebrew, as well as the New in Greek, besides his going through all the Liberal Sciences, before many other designers for Philosophy do so much as begin to look into them. He Commenced Batchelour of Arts, at the Age of [Page 6] Sixteen, and in the Act entertained the Auditory with an Hebrew Oration, which gave a good Account of the Academical Affairs among the ancient Jews. Indeed the Hebrew Language was become so Familiar with him, as if (to use the Expression which one had in an Ingenious Elegy upon his Death) he had apprehended it should quickly become the only Language which he should have ocasion for. His Second Degree after seven years being in the Colledge, he took just before Death gave him a Third, which last was a promotion infinitely beyond either of the former. He then maintained for his Position, Datur Vacuum; and by his Discourse upon it (as well as by other Memorials and Experiments left behind him in Manuscripts) he gave a specimen of his Intimate Acquaintance with the Corpuscularian (and only right) Philosophy. By this time he had informed himself like another Mirandula, and was admirably capable of arguing about, almost every Subject that fell within the Concernments of a Learned Man. Not only Philosophy but also Divinity did he now own a Body of: The Difficulties of the Mathematicks he had particularly overcome, and the abstruse parts both of Arithmetick and Astronomy, were grasped in his Knowledge.
[Page 7] His Early Almanack, and Calculations do something, but the MSS. Adversaria, left behind him in his Closet, much more, speak such attainments in him: His Cronology was exact unto a wonder, and the State of Learning with the Names and Works of Learned Men, in the World, this American Wilderness hath few that understand as well as he. Besides all this, for the vast Field of Theology, both Didactick and Polemick, it is hardly Credible how little of it his Travel had left unknown. Rabbinick learning he had likewise no small measure of; and the Questions referring unto the Scriptures which Phylology is conversant about, came under a very Critical Notice with him. Indeed he was a Person but of few words, and his Words with his Looks made the Treasure in him wholly unsuspected by Strangers to him; yet they that were intimately Acquainted with him, can attest unto the Veracity of him that giveth this Description; and there are no mean Persons who will profess with Admiration, That they could scarce encounter him in any Theme of Discourse which he was not very notably acquainted with.
But the Bark is now split in which all these Riches were stowed. A Spanish [Page 8] wrack hath not more Silver than the Grave of such a Young Man hath Learning buried in it. Indeed these things, Mort [...] Erunt; perhaps they dyed with him: Bu [...] there is a more Immortal thing to be observed in him; and that is,
II. His PIETY.
Tho' a fine Carriage was the least thing that ever he affected, yet a Good Nature made him dear to those that were familiar with him. He was always very obliging and officious, and more ready to do, than others could be to ask a good turn at his hands: But he was above all happy, by being Early in pure Religion.
The Common Effects of such a Piou [...] Education, as the Family in which he lived afforded unto him, were seen even in his Childhood; and secret Prayer became very betimes one of his Infant Exercises. He does in his MSs. particularly take notice of a Scripture Copy set for him when he learned to Write, as a thing that had much Efficacy on him; but when he was Twelve (or more) Years old, more powerful Convictions did the Spirit of God set home upon him than he had been used unto; some Records therefore I find in his Papers, with this Clause in the Head of [Page 9] the Account, Rejoyce O my Soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with thee. Now it was that he allowed his Pen to write these, among other Expressions of his Trouble about his Estate.
Feb. 19. 1682.
What shall I do? What shall I do to be sav'd? Without a Christ I am undone, undone, undone for Evermore! O Lord, let me have Christ, tho' I lye in the Mire for ever! O for a Christ! O for a Christ! a Christ! Lord, Give me a Christ or I dye!
It was now another of his Registred Meditations.
And yet again there were these Considerations in his Mind.
No surely. And these pathetical Groans then likewise got a Room in his Papers.
This is a Copy of the Passages then Recorded in this Young Believers Diary.
Thus did he now Labour to affect his own Soul with his own State, and leave things no more at peradventures between God and him. He read many savoury Books about Faith, and Repentance, and Conversion, and he Transcribed many Notes therefrom, not resting satisfied within himself, until he had some experience of a true Regeneration. Among other workings of his Heart at this Age, his Papers have such things as these.
Reasons for my speedy closing with Jesus Christ.
[Page 11] First, It's the Command of Jesus Christ, that I should come unto him.
Secondly, Jesus Christ Invites me also in Matt. 11. 28. Come unto me.
Thirdly, He hath laid me under many Obligations, to turn unto him, in that he hath recovered me from Sickness so often, and now given me a curious Study.
Fourthly, In that I have vow'd unto the Lord, if he would do so and so for me, I would make a solemn Covenant with him, and endeavour to serve him.
And again elsewhere.
He thus continued following hard after God, enjoying and answering many striveings of his Holy Spirit until he was about Fourteen Years Old.
In this time he did not a little acquaint [Page 12] himself with profitable Godliness, being frequent and fervent in his Prayers to God upon all occasions, and careful not only to hear Sermons, but also to consider after them what Improvement he should make of what he heard. Not only his Prayers, but his Praises too now took notice of even the smallest Affairs before him. I know not whether you can see any thing Childish, I am sure I see something serious, in a passage or two that I shall fetch out of his Diary, written when he was about Thirteen years old: On March 13. he wrote, This day I received of my Father, that famous Work, The Biblia Polyglotta, for which I desire to praise the Name of God: Again on June 29 he wrote, This day my Brother gave me Schindlers Lexicon, a Book for which I had not only longed much, but also prayed unto God: Blessed be the Lords Name for it. The Thoughts of Death also now found a Lodging in his Heart, and he Rebuked himself because he had been so much without them. Tho' at this Age for the most part, Persons think of any thing, every thing more than of their dying day. And his writings discovered him to be pec [...]liarly affected with that Ancient History (or Apologue) of him who after a dissolute and ungodly Youth, going to repent in Age, [Page 13] heard that Voice from Heaven to him, Des illi Furfurem cui dedisti Farinam: The Devil had thy Flower, and thou shalt not bring thy Bran to me.
Self-Examination was also become one of his Employments; and once particularly in one of his Diaries, he does thus express himself.
April 8. 1683.
This Morning I was much cast down with the sense of my Vileness. I Examin'd,
I. What Sins I had that were not Mortified: 1. My sin of Pride. 2. My sin of Ʋnthankfulness. 3. My not improving the means of Grace, as I ought to do.
II. What Graces I find need of. 1. Converting and Regenerating Grace. 2. Humiliation for my many Sins against such a good God as the Lord is.
III. What Mercies I had received, for which I desire to bless the Lords Name. 1. He hath given me to be born of Godly Parents. 2. I have always had the means of Grace lengthen'd out unto me. 3. The Lord hath graciously pleased to give me some answers of Prayer. 1. As to the lengthning out of my Health. 2. As to the Increase [Page 14] of my Library, What shall I render to the Lord for all his loving kindness towards me? I resolved to Dedicate my self wholly to God and his Service.
And he did accordingly.
This Year did not roll about, before he had in a manner very solemn entred in to Covenant with God. This weighty and awful thing was not rashly done by him, or in a sudden Flash and Pang of Devotion: He Thought, he Read, he Wrote, and he Prayed not a little before this Glorious Transaction between God and him, and upon Mature Deliberation, he judged it most adviseable for him to make his Covenant with God as Explicit as Writing and Signing could render it; that so it might leave the more Impression upon his Heart and Life, and be an Evidence likewise, which in Temptation or Desertion he might have recourse unto: Wherefore he set apart a Time for (I think) secret Fasting and Prayer before the Lord, and then behold how this Young Man counting it high time for him to be bound out unto some Service, took a course for it: He subscribed an holy Covenant, of which this was the Matter, this the Form.
The Covenrnt between God and my [Page 15] Soul, renewed; confirmed, and signed, Nov. 22. 1683.
Whereas not only the Commands of God, [who hath often called upon me, by his Word Preached, to give up my self, both Body and Soul, to be at his Disposal, which calls by the publick Ministry, were enough to engage me unto this] but also the Christian Religion which I profess, and my Baptism in which I took the Lord to be my God, and promised to Renounce the World, the Flesh, and the Devil, and to dedicate my self unto the Service, Work, and Will of God, do bind me hereunto; In that God is such a God as deserves this, yea infinitely more than this, at my hands; my Creator, the Fountain of my Being; my Preserver, my Benefactor, my Lord, my Soveraign, my Judge; He in whose Hands my Life, my Breath, and all my concerns are; He that doth protect me from all Dangers, and supply me in all wants, support me under all Burdens, and direct me in all streights; He alone that can make me happy or miserable; He alone that can save me or damn me; He alone that can give inward Peace and Joy, that is my Friend, my God; In that, Self-Dedication [Page 16] is the Creatures Advancement▪ these First-fruits, if in Sincerity, putting upon me a Gloriousness and Excellency.
In that Felicity hereafter depends upon my dedicating of my self unto God now.
In that this is the highest piec [...] of Gratitude I am capable of expressing unto God, and I know no better way to Obey the Will of God, than first to give up my self unto him.
And whereas the Mercies which the Lord hath been pleased graciously to bestow upon me, are so many, that even bare Morality, doth shew me that I can never enough requite one that hath done so much for me, except by giving up my self wholly to him.
- [1669] Whereas God hath given me a Godly Father and Mother.
- [1674] In that when I was like to dye, being twice sick of a Feaver, God was pleased to bless means for my Recovery, and lengthen out the Thread of my Life▪
- [1675] Whereas, when I by an Accident fell down, and had like to have been deprived [Page 17] of the use of my Tongue, God was in his good Providence graciously pleased to give me the use of it.
-
[1678]
Whereas, when I was sick of the Small-Pox, God was pleased to bless means for my Recovery.
Whereas, then I made Promises unto God, that if he would give me my Health, I would endeavour to become a New Creature, and he hath done so for these five Years: And whereas God hath of late been bestowing many and wonderful mercies upon me, What can I do less than give up my self wholly to him?
Which now I do.
And, O Lord God, I beseech thee to accept of thy Poor Prodigal, now prostrating of himself before thee. I confess, O Lord, I have fallen from thee by my Iniquity, and am by nature a Son of Hell; but of thy Infinite Grace thou hast promised Mercy to me in Christ, if I will but turn unto thee with all my Heart: Therefore upon the Call of thy Gospel, I come in, and from the bottom of my Heart I renounce all thy Enemies; with whom I confess I have wickedly sided against thee, firmly [Page 18] Covenanting with thee, not to allo [...] my self in any known Sin, but co [...]scientiously to use all means which [...] know thou hast prescribed, for the u [...]ter destruction of all my Corruptions.
And whereas I have inordinately I out my Affections upon the World, here resign my Heart unto thee th [...] made it; humbly Protesting before t [...] Glorious Majesty, that it is the fin [...] Resolution of my Heart (and that I [...] unfeignedly desire Grace from thee, th [...] when thou shalt call me thereunto, [...] may put in practice my Resolution through thine Assistance, to forsake [...] that is dear unto me in the World, r [...]ther than to turn from thee to t [...] ways of sin; and that I will watch again [...] all it's Temptations, whether of Prosperty or Adversity, lest they should wit [...]draw my Heart from thee, beseechi [...] thee to help me.
I renounce all my own Righteousnes [...] and acknowledge that of my self I a [...] helpless and undone, and without Rig [...]teousness.
And whereas, of thy bottomless Mercy, thou hast offer'd to accept of [...] and to be reconciled to me, and [...] be my God, through Christ, if I woul [...] [Page 19] accept of thee, I do this day avouch thee to be the Lord my God. I do here take the Lord Jehovah, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, for my portion and chief Good, and do give up my self Body and Soul for thy Servant, promising to endeavour to serve thee in Righteousness and Holiness. I do here also on the bended knees of my Soul, accept of the Lord Jesus Christ as the only and living Way, by which sinners may have access to thee, and do here joyn my self in a Marriage-Covenant with him. O Lord Jesus, I come to thee, hungry, poor, miserable, blind, and naked, and a most loathsome Creature, a condemned Malefactor: Who am I, that I should be Married unto the King of Glory!
I do accept of thee for my Head and Husband, and embrace thee in all thy Offices. I renounce my own Worthiness, and do choose thee the Lord my Righteousness. I do renounce my own Wisdom, and do take thine for my Guide. I take thy Will for my Will, and thy Word for my Law. I do here willingly put my Neck under thy Yoke; I do subscribe to all thy Laws as Holy, Just, and Good; and do promise to take them [Page 20] as the Rule of my Thoughts, Words, a [...] Actions; but because I am subject [...] many failings, through frailty; I do he [...] protest, here before thee, that unallo [...]ed miscarriages, contrary to the consta [...] bent of my Heart, shall not disan [...] this everlasting Covenant.
It may justly be taken for granted, th [...] such a work as this, would have an infl [...]ence into his Conversation afterwards and so it had, producing in him, a Conve [...]sation which became the Gospel of Christ. H [...] kept waiting upon God, not only in t [...] Family, but also under the Ministry of t [...] that were near a-Kinn unto him; namely his Father and his Brother, whereby th [...] Grace thus begun in him was not a li [...]tle cherished and promoted: And unt [...] all known sins he now kept saying, as [...] find once in Short-hand written by him.
To my Lusts.
I have had Communion with you all th [...] while, but I dare not have so any longer Wherefore I renounce all Communion with y [...] any more; I will cleave to the God that made m [...]
But a Year or two after this, it was wit [...] him, as I have observed it is too commonly [Page 21] with such as are Converted betimes unto God. An unhappy gradual Apostacy carried him aside from those degrees of seriousness and intenseness in divine things, which he had been used unto: 'Tis possible an entanglement in a Familiarity with some that were no better than they should be, did abate of the good savour which had been upon him, and decoy him by insensible steps to some vanities (tho' not to any scandalous immoralities) that were disadvantageous to him. For divers Months he seemed somewhat, yet not totally, much less finally, forsaken of that Wisdom and Vertue which he had before been an example of; but the good Spirit of God will not let go his Interest in a Soul of which he hath taken a saving hold. This Young Man soon entertained just resentments of his own declensions, and it was impossible for the most Badger-tooth'd malice in the World to aggravate any of his Errors half so much as he did himself in his own Repentance for them. In the Year 1685. God visited him with sore Terrors and Horrors in his wounded Soul, the anguish whereof he thought intolerable; yet he made not his condition known to any Body all the while. He could say, My [Page 22] complaint is not to man, but he made it unto the Lord; This poor man cryed and the Lord heard, and delivered him out of his distresses. He arrived in time unto some settlement and renewal of his Peace with God: He confessed and bewailed his own sins before the Lord, and declared his detestation of them, and applyed himself unto the Lord Jesus Christ for Salvation from them all. Good terms being thus establish't between the Almighty Lord and this Immortal Soul, he maintained, I think, a constant and an even Walk with God, until he dyed. I find now that Language in his MSS: Let me be as active a Servant of Christ, as I was of Satan heretofore. For more than the three last years of his Life, he lived at a strange rate for Holiness and Gravity▪ and retired Devotions. He read Mr. Scudders Christians daily walk, and Dr. Owen of Spiritual Mindedness, and had a restless raging Agony in his Mind unti [...] the Methods of Religion advised by thos [...] worthy Men, were Exemplified in his own Behaviour. 'Tis a note in one o [...] his Diaries,
He was at first surprized, at the measure of Spiritual-mindedness, without which that great Saint, Dr. Owen! apprehends the Life and Peace of Souls to labour under prejudice; and he thought a Mind swallowed up in such Heavenly Frames and Works as were needful thereunto, almost wholly to be despair'd of; until (as himself a few hours before he dyed said unto me) he deem'd he saw an Instance of such a Walk with God, not very far from the place of his abode: To which purpose his reserv'd Papers have a large Discourse, of which this is in the Conclusion: There might be a greater Progress in Religion, than is commonly thought for. What have I Examples for, but to imitate them? Abraham is fam'd for believing so strongly, when he had no Example before [Page 24] him: Let me try and see, whether I having such opportunities may not arrive to as high a pitch in Christianity, as any that I have known. He then in the strength and thrô the Love of God set himself into a vvay of strict, secret, laborious Devotion vvhereby thô none but God and He fill'd the Theatre, vvhich he acted upon, he vvould be in the Fear of the Lord all the day long. He withdrew from the delight of this World, and gave himself up to an assiduous Contemplation of God and Christ, and a sedulous endeavour after utmost conformity unto him: Thus [...] kept abounding in the Work of the Lord until three Years of wonderful Holiness had ripened him for eternal Happiness.
My Account of him will be an unfinished Piece, unless all the ensuing stroke go to make it up. These things he was Exemplary for.
First, He was one that walked by RƲLE He was very Studious to learn the wa [...] of conversing with God in every Duty and there vvas a Rule which he attended still unto.
In his private Papers, I find a wi [...] Collection of Rules, by which he gover [...]ed himself in the several Duties of Chr [...]stianity, [Page 25] and in all the Seasons and Stations of his Life. He consulted the best Authors for Instruction in the Affairs of practical Religion, and not into Paper only, but into Action to be transcribed what he most approved; in all which The Will of God was the bright Pole-Star by which he steer'd his Course.
The Reader shall enjoy (and O that he would follow) two of this Young Man's Directories: One of them was this.
I. O that I might lead a spiritual Life! Wherefore let me regulate my Life by the Word of God and by such Scriptures as these.
1. For regulating my Thoughts, Jer. 4. 14. Isa. 55. 7. Mal. 3. 17. Psal. 104. 34. Phil. 4. 8. Prov. 23. 26. Deut. 15. 9. Eccles. 10. 20. Prov. 24. 9. Mat. 9. 4. Zech. 8. 17.
2. For regulating my Affections, Col. 3. 2, 5. Gal. 5. 24.
For my Delight, Psal. 1. 2. Psal. 37. 5. For my Joy, Phil. 4. 4. Psal. 43. 4. My Desire, Isa. 26. 8, 9. Ezek. 7. 16. My Love, Mat. 22. 37. Psal. 119. 97. My Hatred, Psal. 97. 10. My Fear, Luk. 12. 4, 5. My Hope, Psal. 39. 7. My Trust, Psal. 62. 8. Isa. 26. 4.
3. For regulating my Speech, Eph. 4. [Page 26] 29. Col. 4. 6. Deut. 6. 6, 7. Psal. 119. 46. Psal. 71. 8, 24. Prov. 31. 26.
4. For regulating my Work, Tit. 3. 8. 2 Tim. 2. 12. 1 Tim. 5. 10. Titus 2. 14. Mat. 5. 47. 1 Tim. 6. 8. Rev. 3. 2. Rom. 13. 12. Act. 26. 20.
Another of them was form'd into an [...] Hymn, the singing of which might produce fresher and stronger Efforts of Sou [...] towards the thing that is good.
It shall be here inserted.
Besides these Rules which concerned his whole Walk, he Treasur'd up many more, that referr'd to this and that step in it; and it was the predominant care and watch of his Heart, not to tread awry: Thus one might see a skilful Christian in him. And as he was desirous to live by Precept, so he was to live by Promise too.
He fell into a particular consideration, how to improve the Promises of God in all the Occasions of life; which is indeed one of the most sanctifying Exercises in the World.
[Page 28] It was a Proposal vvhich I find he mad unto himself.
Let me salute these Promises once a day.
1. For supplying the wants of th [...] day, Phil. 4. 19.
2. For Grovvth in Grace, Hos. 14. 5▪
3. For subduing my sins, Mic. 7. 19▪
4. For success in my undertakings Psal. 1. 3.
5. For turning all the Events of th [...] day for good, Rom. 8. 28.
6. For Audience of my Prayers, Job▪ 14. 13, 14.
7. For strength to manage all th [...] vvork of the day, Zech. 10. 12.
8. For direction in difficulty, Psal 32. 8.
9. For Life Eternal, Luke 12. 31. Job▪ 3. 16.
Besides these tvvo, Mat. 11. 28. an [...] Isa. 44. 3.
Certainly that Man must quickly gro [...] another Enoch, vvho does thus Walk wi [...] God.
Secondly, He vvas one that lived [...] PRAYER. He vvas oft and long in th [...] Mount with God: It vvas his Custom every day to enter into his Closet, and sh [...] [Page 29] his door, and pray to his Father in secret. And I guess from some of his Writings, that he did thus no less than thrice a day, when he met with no Obstruction in it: Nor did he Slubber over his Prayers vvith hasty Amputations, but vvrestle in them for a good part of an hour together.
It vvas a most refreshing Communion vvith God, vvhich his Devotions brought him sometimes unto. Thus in one of his Diaries.
Dec. 10.
I prayed earnestly unto God, In the Margin he wrote, Remember this. earnestly Petitioning that Jesus Christ might be my compleat Redeemer. There vvas immediately something that did as it were perswade me it should be so.
Again, Aug. 19.
My Thoughts vvere some little vvhile busied about the condescention of Christ in taking of humane Nature on him; but for the most part in Ejaculations, and Acts of Faith on a crucified (ah! svveet Word) Jesus. I saw I gained not [Page 30] much by those: Wherefore I addre [...] sed my self to solemn Prayer, and ha [...] some Assurance in it.
Once more, Aug. 20.
I was much affected in Prayer, an [...] exercised (I hope) many Acts of Faith and Love, and Delight in God. I sev [...]ral times was breaking off, but I was [...] it were constrain'd to go on in the Du [...] with much enlargement. Lord, ans [...] me for the sake of Christ.
Thus under the Fig-tree did our Lor [...] Jesus often behold this Nathanael; yea unto Prayer he became so habituated, th [...] while others can Sleep in Prayer, he some times would pray in sleep. He records [...] among his Experiences, that upon assault of imagined Temptations, when he has bee [...] asleep, he has quickly been at Prayer; an [...] so caused the Phantasms to leave annoy [...] ing of him.
And Extraordinary prayer was also wit [...] him not altogether extraordinary. Th [...] he were a Bottle that seemed incapabl [...] of holding it, yet this Wine agreed wit [...] him very well. As Young as he was, [...] knew the Mystery of a Soul fatning [...] [Page 31] fasting, and thriving by hungring and thirsting after Righteousness. He was very inquisitive after the right way to manage a Day of Fasting and Prayer, and he would sometimes keep such a day. On such a day it was his Custom to make a very particular and penitent Confession of all the Sins that he could perceive himself guilty of; and renew his Covenant with the Holy One of Israel; to this End, he had by him in writing a large Catalogue of things forbidden and required in the Commandments of God, which was the Glass in which he then viewed his wayes; and having found what Achans might procure trouble to him, he then fell to stoning of them. One may shape some conjecture at his Humiliations, by the Indignations with which he spoke, and wrote of the Vanities which his Childhood had. I came into the World (saith he in one of the Papers penn'd by him on a day of secret Fasting and Prayer, October the 17 th 1685.) without the Image of the Holy God on my Soul; my Understanding, my Will, my Affections, and my whole Soul were altogether depraved, and wounded. When very Young I went astray [Page 32] from God, and my Mind was altogether taken with vanities and follies; such as the remembrance of them doth greatly abase my Soul within me. Of the manifold Sins which then I was guilty of, none so sticks upon me, as that being very young, I was whitling on the Sabbath-day; and for fear of being seen, I did it behind the door. A great Reproach of God! A Specimen of that Atheism that I brought into the World with me!
This was more than the more meagre and feeble sort of Christians, though much older than he, are us'd to do. But paulo majora! There was a Sublimer way of drawing near to God, which he vvas not willing to leave unattempted. He understood that secret days of Thanksgiving had not been unpractised by some vvhom he designed to imitate; and therefore he vvould make some Essays for such an Intimate Fruition of God, and generous Devotion to him, as vvould fill such days as these.
Hence this I find among the Records of his Soul:—
But though his Prayers were chiefly in, yet they were not confined to his Closet. There vvere divers Private Praying Meetings of younger People in North-Boston, vvhich he visited as often as he could; and one of those might peculiarly be called His. Yea, it vvas his desire, though vvith as little aim to be seen of men as could be, to support all such opportunities of Good among them, that vvere of the same age with him.
Wherefore I find this among the Notes in his Diary:
Quest. What shall I do for God?
Ans. It vvas suggested to me, to get some of my Acquaintance to spend some vvhile every Friday night in Prayer, for the Success of the Work of Grace in New-England, especially in Boston, on the Souls of the Rising Generation.
Let me propound this to some serious devout young Persons.
Thus vvas his Prayer as it vvere his Breath, and thus he vvas always fetching of it, untll at last it expir'd in Praise, Praise for evermore.
[Page 34] Thirdly, He was one that Thought much of his GOD, and his END. There was a sort of Heaven formed in the just Soul of this Young-man, by the Thoughts that were continually sparkling there. He had an unpacifiable Dissatisfaction at himself until good Thoughts were lodg'd in him, and vain ones were forced to gnash their teeth, and melt away: Nothing would content him, but the bringing of his Thoughts into a Subjection to the Lord Jesus Christ. Wherefore he chew'd much on the excellent Sermon of Mr. Charnock, about Thoughts; which he wrote out not only with his hand, but in his heart, and made it the very Mould of his gracious Mind. There are none, but very Renew'd Souls, that are at great pains in a course of Meditation on the things of God. Yet this Young-man, like another Isaac, vvas grovvn very expert at it, and frequent in it. It was his manner in the Morning to meditate very seriously and fixedly upon some Truth, or some Text, for a good part of an hour together. He had collected a good variety of Subjects and Scriptures to handle in thus communing with himself, and went over more than a little Divinity in this transcendent Exercise. Sometimes, when [Page 35] thus he separated himself to intermeddle with all wisdom, I find him committing his Thoughts, or some breviate of them, unto the durable custody of his Papers; from vvhich Memoirs I vvill produce but an Instance or tvvo of many.
August 16. 1685.
Med. about, The reason I have to love God; because of what he has been to me, and what he is in himself. And I thought, Is not God the Best Good? Surely then he is worthy to be my Last End. Has he not been shewing many Mercies to me? and what! shall I not resign up my self to Live unto God, because of his goodness to me? Much affected with the thoughts of these things: And, I hope, I closed with the Motion.
Again, October 1.
Meditated on that; If a Man does intend to be truly Religious, he must expect nothing but to save his Soul?
But how can this be true?
Must I lose my Body altogether?
[Page 36] Must I be vvilling that the Ʋnion between my Body and Soul should for evermore be loosed?
Must I be willing to be for ever without a Body? No, no.
All that the Lord requires of me, is, to have my Body for a few days or years (a few I say, for they cannot be many,) to be wholly at the service of my Soul, and to be willing that the Ʋnion between those two Mates, then should be dissolved; the Soul first taking its progress into everlasting Bliss; the Body being laid in the Dust, to rise at the Resurrection, accompanying the Soul into its eternal Felicity.
My present Notion of this thing is this:
This Dissolution of the Union between the Soul and Body, is but a Dismission of the Spirit into its happiness, after a wearisom conflict here. And as long as it shall be best for me to be here, here I shall continue. Infinite Wisdom is to be the Orderer of this; and it will be a grievous and shamefu [...] reflection thereupon, for me to say, It will be better for me to live, than to dye, at such a time when I am called thereunto.
[Page 37] With my Body I must expect to lose all the pleasant Enjoyments of this World, Liberty, Library, Study, and Relations. But yet neither shall I lose these. As for my Liberty, by True Religion, and by Dying for it too, when need requires, I shall gain the only Liberty, even from the body of sin.
As for my Library, if I die for Christ, or in the Lord, I shall have no need of it. My Understanding shall be enough enlarged, and I shall not need to turn over Books for Learning. As for my Study (my Paradice) I shall have a better, a larger, and a more compleat than this.
As for my Relations, those of them that are truly pious, I shall only go before them; and if there should be any of them not pious, the longer I should stay with them here (if they continue impenitent) it would but make my Grief more intolerable, to think vvhen I leave them, that I shall have no hopes to see them again for ever.
But this is not all neither.—
My Body must be used as the Souls Instrument; and here all that strength and [...]ase vvhich I have, must be used for the [Page 38] Soul: And truly there is reason enough for it, that so there may be eternal happiness for both together.
In Marriage, the Husband and Wife should have the same design. Would it not be inhumane, for the one to have a design which tends to the ruine of the other? Just so my Soul and Body should have the same design; and the Body being the more vile of the two, should be subordinate to the Soul. And it is a necessary disjunction, either the Body, the strength, and ease, and members of it, must be used for the good, or for the hurt of the Soul; there is no medium here.
Let me then herein make my Body useful to my Soul, in accomplishing all the good-designs of it, which it is capable of being interested in.
Nor is there any thing else worth speaking of that must be foregone, except health, and the momentaneousness of all bodily Torments, will make them very tolerable.
My Resolutions be, That I will not expect, by devoting my self unto the Fear of God, to [Page 39] gain any thing as to my Body in this World.
That through the Grace of Christ, I will use the strength, ease, health of my Body, yea my whole Body, in Subordination to my Soul, in the Service of the Lord Jesus.
With such Meditations as these, he kept mellowing of his own Soul, and preparing it for the state wherein Faith is turned into Sight.
But there was yet a more delightful and surprizing way of Thinking, after which he did aspire. He considered, that the whole Creation was full of God; and that there was not a Leaf of Grass in the Field, which might not make an Observer to be sensible of the Lord. He apprehended that the idle Minutes of our Lives were many more than a short liver should allow: That the very Filings of Gold, and of Time, were exceeding precious; and, that there were little fragments of hours intervening between our more stated businesses, wherein Thoughts of God might be no less pleasant than frequent with us.
The Elegant and Excellent Meditations of Sir William Waller, had particularly [Page 40] affected him unto a commendable Emulation of them; and hence he did attempt to make even the more common and more trivial occurrents of humane Life, the occasions of Great Thoughts within him. He would with the Chymistry of Occasional Reflections, Distill sublime Spirits from earthly Bodies; and from the view of mean things, fill his nobly imployed Mind with Lessons and Prayers, which only the Father of Spirits was a Witness to.
Some of these his Occasional Reflections I find in his private Papers; and one or two, for a taste, I will bespeak the Reader's acceptance of.
Jan. 8. A. M.
Being about to rise, I felt the cold in a manner extraordinary; which inclin'd me to seek more warmth in my Bed before I rose; but so extream was the cold, that this was not feasible: Wherefore I resolved to dress my self without any more ado; and so going to the Fire in my Cloaths, I soon became warm enough.
Turn this, O my Soul, into an useful Meditation. There is a necessity of my [Page 41] rising out of my Bed, the Bed of Security which I am under the power of, and to live unto Christ, and to walk in the Light.
In order hereunto, I must put on my poor Soul the Garments which are to be had from the Lord Jesus. To awaken me out of my sleep, and my security, I am to set before me the Sun, the Gospel of the Sun of righteousness doth inlighten my Mind, and tell me, that I was before muffled up in darkness; and that if I continued therein, I should starve and perish. I am also taught, That when Men are convinced of their miserable condition, they will rather endeavour to Ease, and comfort and cherish themselves by something in themselves, than put on the spiritual Garments which the Lord Jesus Christ has provided for them. An Evil to be by me avoided.
Again, another time.
Upon Water taken from the Fire, I saw a lukewarmness quickly seize; like the frame of Spirit, which many Pretenders to Religion have after a glorious and affectionate Profession of it. Of this [Page 42] sort were some among the Laodiceans of old; which is exceedingly displeasing to the Lord Jesus Christ: Whence it is that he saith, I will spew thee out of my mouth. Let me endeavour to beware of this hateful and odious frame of Spirit; and let the contrary thereto be my desire, my endeavour.
Once more.
Among some Gentlemen that were sitting in a Room illuminated with a Candle, one beginning to read unto us, there was another Candle brought unto him, for his assistance in it. Which afforded me such a Meditation as this:
That those who are to be Teachers of others, have need of as much light again as ordinary Christians have. They, if any, need a double Portion of the Gifts that are in other Men; and the helps of Knowledge that other Persons have, they much more should be furnish'd withal.
It was not because they had better Eyes than him whose Office it was to Read, that they needed but one Candle, when he had two provided for him; but the [Page 43] Work incumbent on him, and expected from him was the occasion of it.
But I design little more than a Confirmation with an Illustration of my History, for which, a touch or two upon every Article will serve. I am now to add, That this Young Man had a Principal regard unto the Scriptures for the Subjects of his Meditations, and he was very expensive of his Thoughts on the Book of God. He was daily digging in the sacred Mines, and with delight he fetched thence Riches better than those of both the India's; and he could say, O how I love thy Law! it is my Meditation every day!
Even in the time of his mortal Sickness, he was very angry at himself if he had not heard a Portion of the Bible read unto him from day to day.
Once when he was near his End, a good part of a day having pass'd before he had enjoyed his Meal of Scripture; he said unto his Sister with some impatience, Alas! what an ungodly life do I lead! pray come and read my Bible to me; and read me the forty ninth Psalm. Indeed he read the Scripture not cursorily, but very deliberately, and considerately; and as an effect of his doing so, he could [Page 44] give such an account of the Difficulties in it, as the most not only of Christians, but of Divines too, would judge an Attainment extraordinary. Not long before he dyed, he had read over all the large and great Annotations on the Bible, lately published by Mr. Pool, and some other Non-conformist Ministers; but having dispatched those two noble Folios, he said unto one that was intimate with him, Thus have I read the Bible, but I have now learnt a better way! And that way was this. He would oblige himself in reading to fetch a Note and a Prayer out of every Verse in all the Bible; to dwell upon every verse until it had afforded at least one Observation, and one Ejaculation to him.
He imagined that an incredible deal both of Truth and Grace, would in this way make its impression upon his Mind, (besides what Exercise of Wit it must have call'd for) and so most certainly it would have done; but before he had made much Progress in it, the Chariots of God fetcht him away to that place in which a Jesus is a Bible to the there perfect Spirits of the Righteous.
Such a thinking Person was he; and yet after so many kind of Thoughts in the [Page 45] day, he could not rest a Night quietly, unless he compos'd himself for sleeping by thinking a little more.
He knew that no better a Man than one of the Moral Heathens propounded a Nocturnal Self-Examination, as a part and cause of no little Wisdom, and that much more a sober Christian should endeavour to maintain a good understanding of himself, by such Nightly Recollections. Wherefore before the Slumbers of the Evening, this Young Man would put three General Questions to himself, with divers particular ones that were subordinate thereunto. The Questions were,
Question 1.
What has God's Mercy to me been this day?
Here he considered what favours God had newly smil'd upon his inward, or his outward man withal.
Question 2.
What has my Carriage to God been this day?
Here he considered what frames, and words and works, and what snares and sins he had newly been concerned with.
Question 3.
If I dye this night, is my Immortal Spirit safe?
[Page 46] Of this he judged by his Closure wit [...] God, as his best good, and last end, and wit [...] Christ as his Prophet, and his Priest, an [...] his King, and by his Resolution alway [...] to be a Witness for the Lord, and an En [...] my to every Sin: Thô sometimes he would with a more large and long Attention Examine his own Hopes of Eternal Happiness, for which purpose he had in writing by him, his Bundles of Marks and Signs, which testifie a Man to be born o [...] God. When he had thought on thes [...] things, he was able to lay himself down [...] peace and sleep; but this was a way to keep a Soul Awake.
I begin to suspect that my Readers patience is almost expir'd; and therefore I shall cause the Remainder of this Narrative to omit where it cannot contract, what yet is well worthy to be the matter of it.
Fourthly, He was one that mortified and conquer'd the SINS which were a Vexation to him. There were some Sins which gave to this Young Man a more violent, and outragious disturbance that he could without much passion bear [...] These did he contrive and conflict much in his Oppositions to, and gave not over [Page 47] till he had a certain Prospect of a Victory.
Of all the things which ever troubled him, I know not whether any were more grievous than the Blasphemous Injections which like fiery venemous darts inflam'd sometimes his very Soul within him.
It may be some Testimony of Sincerity, when Persons are not a little afflicted for, as well as assaulted with, Blasphemous Imaginations about God; which rise within us in contradiction to all that Reverence of him, which we know not how to lay aside.
This Person on his Death-bed complained to me, that Horrenda de Deo, Horrible Conceptions of God, buzzing about his mind, had been one of the bitterest of all his Tryals: and I find his private Papers making sad Lamentations over the miseries of this annoyance. You shall read how he did encounter these Fiends, as one that was no Stranger to the Wars of the Lord.
Once in his Diary, he says;
Troubled exceedingly with Blasphemons Suggestions, my Soul bleeds at the thoughts of them.
O that Christ would deliver me from [Page 48] them! they make my Life unpleasant. I do believe that Satan never struggled so hard to keep any one from Christ, as he has done to keep me!
From hence I learn, 1. My great Enmity to, 2. My great need of, the Lord Jesus Christ.
At another time:
Troubled with Blasphemous Thoughts, I learn from hence,
1. Seeing these would have me to entertain a low Esteem of Christ and God,
I will endeavour to have a more high and eminent Esteem of God and Christ.
2. Seeing these do so perplex me continually,
I learn, that I am unable of my self to raise good Thoughts, much less to perform Good Acts of Obedience. I would be deeply humbled, that my Soul should be thus defiled.
Seeing, I have often so much Experience and stirrings of Enmity in my Soul to God, I would be excited thereby more heartily to cleave unto him.
Once more,
I hope I have now got strength over my Blasphemous Thoughts, after this manner.
1. Humbling my self under a sense of my own vileness and wretchedness.
2. Praying earnestly for the removal of the Enmity that is in my Soul to the things of God; especially as to this matter.
Thus discreetly did he manage the Shield of Faith against those barbed Arrows of Hell: Nor did his other Corruptions escape the Offensive, as well as the Defensive Weapons of his Soul.
Under the most furious of their Assaults, I find this to be one of his honourable Retreats.
For the Relief of my Soul under the Power of Corruption; Let me by Faith apply these Scriptures.
First, Rom. 6. 14.
Secondly, Ezck. 36. 26.
Thirdly, Mic. 7. 19.
Fourthly, Zech. 13. 1.
Besides Zech. 9. 12. Mat. 16. 18. John 12. 31. and Rom. 16. 20. and these Considerations:
[Page 50] First, Christ is a compleat Redeemer, Heb. 7. 25. 1 John 1. 7. Heb. 9. 14.
Secondly, God's Infinite Power is engaged on my behalf, if I be in Covenant with him.
Thirdly, God will perfect Holiness where he hath begun it.
In such Engagements as these against his Invisible Adversaries he continued, untill he is now a Conquerour, and more than a Conquerour.
Fifthly, He was one that wisely prepared for the CHANGES that were before him. It is a Remark in one of his Papers: I think it convenient for me to observe the Temptations, I am, [...]or shall be obnoxious to, and get suitable Remedies against them.
He seem'd indeed to have a strange Presage of what he was to meet withal, and O how he laid in that he might not be unprovided for it! A prudence rarely seen among the Children of Men, whose Misery is great upon them because they know not their Time.
There were especially two Calamities which he had a fore-boding of, Dismal Pain, and Early Death. As for his Pain, he was it seems to undergo exquisite Anguishes, [Page 51] for many Months before his Dissolution; but before ever it came upon him, how strangely did he fortifie himself against it! He said in his Diary some Years before he left the World,
Sept. 2.
I had not in the morning time enough for solemn Meditation: Great deadness and dulness was in my Heart, as to Spiritual Thoughts afterwards; the Reason was, because I did not perform my solemn Meditation as I should.
I had now apprehensions that I must undergo sore Tryals, and Conflicts, and great Afflictions.
Wherefore it did highly become me to get as great a measure of Grace, as the opportunities which I enjoy may afford, and therefore I purpose to be more serious in my Meditations, not omitting other Duties therewithal.
I see my Resolutions must every day be renew'd, as to great diligence in my serving God.
And since I must expect great Afflictions, I must make it my daily work by solemn Meditation to go over the whole [Page 52] Body of Christianity, and particularly to have daily Thoughts on the Condescention of Jesus Christ: I must also endeavour to get a large measure of sanctified knowledge; wherefore,
First, There is need of Earnest Prayer; and
Secondly, Of very holy walking.
Thirdly, Of entertaining the Truth with greatest Affection; and
Fourthly, Looking on it as it is in Jesus; and
Fifthly, Solemn Meditation; and
Sixthly, Much Reading; and
Seventhly, Living upon the Truths which I know, and Thankfulness for the Knowledge which I have already.
And at another time there was this written in his Diary.
This Morning I meditated about a part of Self-denial; Namely, the denyal of Bodily Health, and of ease from Torment.
My Resolution was, that it was better to part herewithall, than to sin. I hope there is a thorough purpose in my [Page 53] Heart to perform accordingly, when I shall be call'd thereunto.
I do feel the stirrings of self in my self this day: It would fain be in the Throne of God within me; but I am resolved Christ shall be my King.
And as he thus put on the whole Armour of God, that he might be able to stand when he should be tryed, so he found the benefit of it when he came into the Field. Few in the World ever bore such Dolors with such a silent and a quiet and composed Temper as he. Some that were intimate with him, would say, He was one of an Iron Patience, and they had rarely if ever seen such a patient Patient. But his Death he seem'd all along most careful to be ready for.
In his Papers.
Meditations on the four last things, was a Title mentioning a Subject of his most solicitous Contemplations. Above three Years before his Translation, his Diary hath such a Note as this.
Speaking to Day something concerning my Commencement, In the Margin he wrote, Deceived. I was strangely surprized, and had many Thoughts, yea [Page 52] Perswasions, That I should not live. He then—.
Rest. What may be the Import hereof I cannot tell; yet I gather thus much: That it is incumbent on me without further delay, to make my Calling and Election sure.
He hath also left behind him, some Meditations, tending to the Exercise of Repentance, and Faith, and Preparation for Death, as he hath himself intituled them; but the Reader by this time will easily pardon my forbearing the Communication of them.
Indeed, Preparation for Death, in one word, contains the substance of what he had been doing divers years before the King of Terrors took his Clay House away.
And as he was desirous to prepare for what Passive Obedience he might be put upon, so he was loath to have his Heart not well ordered or furnished, when active Obedience might be called for at his hands. Tho he never liv'd to preach any other than some private Sermons, yet he was not unthoughtful of the Time when publick ones might be expected from him. It may not be unuseful for me to insert one of his Meditations here; it runs in such terms as these.
¶Whether I should be a Minister?
I considered all Objections which Persons might make against it, and answer'd them every one. But one Objection startled me more than the rest, to wit, Personal Ʋnfitness, from my Hebetude, or want of Invention. To which I answer'd, with minding that Promise in Exod. 3. 12. Certainly I will be with thee. And the beginning of ver. 18. They shall hearken to thy voice. And where God finds work, there he will give strength. I likewise considered 1 Chron. 28. 10, 20. and Mat. 28. 19, 20. and Josh. 1. 9. and Judg. 6. 12, 14.
And then I thought with my self, That as for living in a remote part of the Countrey, I should be willing thereunto, if so I might do Service for God, and bring Glory to his Name. And whilst I was musing on these things, I was melted into a frame, that I thought heretofore I should never be in, namely, humble Submission to the good Pleasure of God, however he should dispose of me. I knew, that though I were Reproached for what meanness I should this way be exposed [Page 54] unto, there is an Answer in Rom. 1. 16. and in Mark 8. 38. and in Psal. 31. 19. and in Prov. 16. 7. and in Pfal. 37. 5, 6. So were the Apostles, 1 Cor. 4. 3, 9. If I serve Christ, God will honour me, Joh. 12. 26.
Every one must own, that however such things as these, in an old Man, may be below our Admiration; yet in a young Man, that out-lived not the Years which the Nodes of the Moon take to dispatch a Revolution, they deserve a Memory among them that may be Edified by such Exemplary Pr [...]ctices. Indeed, he was himself Extreamly unsensible of the least worth or shine adorning of him; and in his whole Deportment he discovered a modest, an humble, and a deserved mein; which might be reck [...]ned to bear little proportion with his other Accomplishments, were it not that the more gracious Men are, the more humble they always are; and they are the Fullest and Richest Ears of Corn, which most hang down towards the Ground. But while he in a sort wronged himself, to escape the bane and blame of Pride; it is a piece of pure Justice in the Survivers, to Embalm the Name of a Person thus desirable, since he is gone thither where he [Page 55] has no Chaff to take fire at the sparks of our Praises.
Such a young Man as this it is that the Church of God is now deprived of! What a Blessing might his Living have proved unto the World! But as the Long-liv'd▪ Patriarchs, before the Flood, have still that Clause introduced of them, And he lyed; which Clause awakened and Converted a Person of Quality, who came in occasionally while the Minister was reading the Fifth Chapter of Genesis to the Congregation; so must I now say of the Short-liv'd Person, whom we have been paying out last Respect unto, He lived thus long in a little time, And he died.
Before I break off, I must relate,
III. His DEATH.
Too soon and too sad a thing for me to mention without Sighing, Ah my Brother, in my Lamentation over it. He had contracted an universal Ill Habit of Body; which was attended with a particular generation [Page 56] of Ill Humours, where the Os Ileon and Os Sacrum joyn; from whence it fell into his Thigh, until there was a very large collection of it there.
There was an Incision, with mature Advice made into the Tumour, about a Month before his Expiration, which gave good hopes of his Recovery into a capacity of serving the Church of God; but the Circulation, which was now given unto the putrid Juices which his Blood, through his continual and sedentary Studies, had been annoyed withal, soon enkinded a Fever, which burnt asunder the thread of this pious Life.
One might suppose, that such a Walk with God as the Reader has newly had Pourtrayed before him, should End in Raptures, and Extasies of Assurance; but I am to tell him, That this young Person had them not. And there wanted not Reason for it. For his Natural Distemper disposed him to what is contrary to Joy; but his Deep Humility had a greater share in the Jealousies and Suspicions which he would still cherish of himself. He was indeed so afraid of being an Hypocrite, that he would scarce allow himself to be called a Christian, and he did not care so [Page 57] much as to tell any of his own Experiences, no, nor his Inclinations, unless to one or two Divines, who kindly refreshed him with their daily Visits; and with them too he would uphold his Discourse only in Latin, if any one else were by.
Never did I see more Caution against Hypocrisie, than what was in him; and a certain Self-abhorrence accompanying of it, caused to proceed from him no Expressions, but those of an Abased Soul. When his Brother having recited the Terms of the Gospel to him, with a design to obtain from him a Renewal of his Explicit Consent thereunto, asked him, Whether he did not judge himself Sincere in that Consent? He only replied, I should think so, if it were not for the Seventeenth of Jeremiah, and the Ninth.
He was Dejected, yet not Despairing; and he discôvered a wonderfully Gracious, when he had not a Joyful Frame. He was all made up of Longings and Breathings after all the fulness of God, when he could not or would not pretend unto any Confidence of his Acceptance with the Lord.
In the time of his Health, he had not been without the comfortable Perswasions for which he follow'd hard after God. In one place, I find him saying (on such a [Page 58] day) I had Fears lest I did not love the Blessed God; but yet I was sure I desired to keep his Commandments. Another time so; For Three quarters of an Hour, I pleaded earnestly for assurance of the Love of God unto me, and I said, As many as received Christ Jesus, to them he gave power to become the Sons of God; And I did receive Jesus Christ, as the Free Gift of God; and received him to save me on his own Terms: I chose him to be my Priest, and Prophet, and King. Now I begg'd of him that he would manifest his Acceptance of me, and give me the Spirit of Adoption: I had then, I hope, some Assurance. But when Sickness came, he was loth to own a clear Title to the Rest of God: Yet before he died, he suffered some sober Intimations of his hopes to fall from him. There was a good Man in this Land, whose last words yet were, It had been good for me that I had never been born. The words of this humble Self-loathing Young-Man, were of another strain. In the last Night, that we had him with us, he would have his Watcher to read, The Song of Simeon, unto him, Now lettest thou thy Servant depart in Peace: And in the Morning after, he said, I have now been with Jesus Christ! which, from such a little Speaker as he, [Page 59] we could not have his Explication of.
In one of his last Minutes, a faithful Minister said unto him, Find you not Comfort in the Lord Jesus Christ? To which he made only this discreet and humble Answer, I Endeavour to do those things which will issue in Comfort; and then he quickly surrendred up his Redeemed and Renewed Soul unto him who had loved him, and washed away his sins in his own blood.
Thus he went away to the heavenly Society, where he is beholding the Face of God in Righteousness, and solacing himself in the Company not only of his blessed Grandfathers, and Ʋncles, and all the Spirits of the Just; but of the amiable Jesus himself, which is by far the best of all. His Tears are all dried up, his Fears vanished away, and his Hopes more than answered in Joys unspeakable, and full of glory.
His Elder Brother having thus written of him, now satisfies himself in the Duty therein done to God and Man; and would keep waiting for his own Change, until, Thy Free Grace, O my God, shall give unto the most miserable Sinner in the World, an admission into Emanuel 's Land.