LOng Afflictions exposing me to many Oblo­quies and Dangers, I think meet for the Gospel's sake to leave some Account of my Ways by this present Writing, that Truth may appear whatever become of me.

In my Youth while I studied at Oxford, very piercing inward Troubles pressed my Mind for se­veral Months together; which made me spend many an hour in secret pensiveness, and by sup­plication to importune the Lord for his Mercy and favour through Christ, in a more earnest manner than I had been acquainted with before. And being heartily convinced of the goodness of God, I took a Resolution to serve him more care­fully than I had done, and soon found much sweet­ness in Duties both publick and private. About that time I was visited with a violent Feaver, and [Page 2] that danger being past, another surprized me up­on the Occasion following: One that seemed a Genteel person took acquaintance with me, who selling a Horse in the Town, entred my Name in the Toll-book as a Voucher for him. The Buyer informing me that he was gone, and that my Name was in the Book in his behalf, I was much vexed at it, because I suspected him to be extravagant. And when he came to Oxford again I urged him to find another Voucher, and to take out my Name, which with much indignation he did, and then swore he would kill me; and I think he came to my Chamber-door for that pu [...] ­pose. Some time after he was taken in a Ro [...] ­bery and put to death, so God delivered me from his hands. About the end of the Civil Wars, Visitors being sent into the University, I was among others questioned to be removed from a Place I had in a Colledge, and another voted in: My Crime was an Answer I had given to the said Visitors, to submit to them as far as lawfully I might; and that was construed to be a Contempt, though I intended Modesty and Wariness by it. Upon the solicitation of some Friends, the matter was deferred, and a Fellowship in another Col­ledge promised me. In June, 1649 I was ap­pointed to make a Latin Declamation in Praise of Clemency. The Theme being mitigating, and gratefull to my Disposition, and several conside­rable persons being to hear the managing of it, I did it as effectually as I could: And the Medita­tion thereof being always seasonable, take a true Copy of it as followeth.

[Page 6] Whether my discourse of Clemency procured me severity, I cannot tell, but sure I am that soon af­ter it was used towards me; for I was accused as disaffected to the things then in being, and denyed the Profits of the Fellowship promised me: the Head of the House, and the new Fellows there, with the Visitors connivance, combining to make me Socius Honorarius only, though I was Senior to them all but the Head. Being thus left destitute of any encouragement in the University, after a while I went into the Countrey to see my Friends, who perswaded me to be there employed, and the Sine Curâ of Llanrhaiad in the Counties of Denbigh and Montgomery being vacant by death, was conferred on me; where being freed from the Parish charge, I exercised my Talent in Preaching there, and else­where, and sometimes Catechizing, and with such as were willing I monthly fasted and prayed on a Week-day, either in private or in publick, and in­vited others to assist me therein also. And com­monly when I spent time in such Exercises, I should have abundant Consolations in my spirit. But some of the richer sort and others in that Countrey, that did not relish such things, but de­lighted more in natural Recreations, Company, Complements, and other Businesses, and were ad­dicted to be litigious, wrought me many troubles: who hearing that the Regius Professor in Cambridge had a Promise of some Sine Cure, invited him to make for mine, and to exhibit Articles against me into the Protector's hand, alledging me to be dis­affected to his Government, and insufficient for the Living I held. Thereupon an Order was made, re­quiring me to appear before the Council, and it was sent down unto my Accusers, who endeavour­ed [Page 7] to conceal it from me, that I might be outed upon Contempt. They sent a Fellow to my House, that left word with my Servant, that I should be at London within three days, and sayd no more, neither left any order. Yet they drew an Affida­vit, and got him to swear before a Master of Chancery, that he left the Order at my House. Suspecting the matter, I sent up with speed, and had a Copy of my Accusation, and time to an­swer it: And when it came to a hearing, their Allegation of the first branch of the Accusation was discredited by their collusion in the matter of my Summons to appear, and the other was con­futed by the Approvers of publick Preachers and others; thereupon I was discharged, as being wrongfully molested. Three Years after as I was riding homewards from preaching in a Winter Night, I observed a Man sit on Horseback at the end of a dark Woody lane, who affronted me as I rid by him, and attempted to assault me, but my Horse outwent him. Soon after one came down with the great Seal to claim my Benefice, and by the Date of his Pattent it appeared that it was had out about the time that Lurcher set upon me; but Times then altering, that pretence also be­came ineffectual. In the Year 1660 about the end of Winter, the Bishop of the Diocess newly enstalled, sends word that he had my Benefice granted him in Comendam by the King, and de­manded of my Farmers the Rents due for the Sum­mer foregoing, while I took pains there and there­about. For a while it seemed very harsh to me to be deprived of my Livelihood and Employ­ment, and the more, in regard I had obtained it fairly without misplacing any Man, and paid [Page 8] yearly about forty pounds out of it to Widows and Fatherless, and had seven Years possession of it, and his Majesty's Proclamation to continue all in their possessions, unless ejected by due course of Law; neither was any thing demanded of me by Authority, that I refused to do: For nothing was then requisite to be tendred to Incumbents that I heard of, but the Oath of Allegiance, which I took: also for the rich man that had many Flocks, to take away an only Lamb, might grieve a Prophet: Not­withstanding deeming a suit at Law would be as bootless as vexatious, I did quietly sit down by the loss.

Afterwards I lived very [...]rivately, and as inof­fensively as I could. For pe [...]ce sake I o [...]ten went to hear the Conformists in publick, and seldom joyned in private Worship with [...]ny greater num­ber than the Law allows of, and never medled with any designs to disturb the Government; yet I could not avoid the frequent molestations of evil Men. In the Year 1666 several armed men, and one of them with his Sword drawn, uttering terrible words, rushed into my House in the Night, and abused my Family, c [...]lled me a Traytor, thrust into my Cellar, and made themselves drunk with my Beer, and taking me Prisoner, barba­rously guarded me to the County Gaol, in seve­ral Passions drawing upon me by the way, tho' I was conscious to my self of no Crime, neither did they prove any against me that I heard of. It cost me Time and Money to be released, and up­on my return home one of my Children dyed, that took a Fright by that Riot, and a fret in my absence. Within few Months after my Wife and some of the surviving Children being discouraged [Page 9] in their Obedience to me, by the many Injuries they saw inflicted upon me, became undutiful by the Collusiou of my Persecutors, which did im­bitter my Afflictions far more than any Prison or Danger I had been in, or feared to come into: For several Years I had Comfort in them, while I had sorrow from others: when it was tempestu­ous without doors, I had a calm within; before the blows lighted on my Cloaths, but since on my Bowels. But the worse my Domest [...]k Troubles were for me, the more vigorously they were [...]o­mented and encreased by those that hated me Some were employed to perswade my Children that it was better for them to be without me; and my Wife was so far alienated from me, that she im­pourtuned me to part with her and live asunder, though for sixteen Years before we had lived toge­ther as lovingly as any couple in that Countrey. Then by mutual Consent I was induced to go to Oxford, and afterwards to London, where in the Year 1675 as I was busie about the Printing of Welch Books, my Life was endangered by most vio­lent Poyson, causing vehement burning and tearing pains in my Body, and a sensible conflict in my Chest and Bowels, like the beating of Pulses. The fourth Night I lay so, being brought to the sorest plight, upon a sudden the pores of my Body opened, and poured out such abundance of sweat as wet my Shirt in few Minutes, blisters brake out upon my Lips, and I purged somewhat like blood. And a few years after, as I was laboriously em­ployed about correcting an Impression of the Welch Bible, I was again brought to Death's Door by deadly poyson, and while I lay ill, had a great loss by being robbed. And many times before [Page 10] and since have found dangerous baits in my Food, and perilous traps and snares laid for me in my way.

Having been in London a long while, I had a desire to see my Countrey, and therefore took a Farm there, intending thereby to be helpful to the remainder of my Children these last Years: and though I thought to live below the Wea­ther, yet Malice wrought against me strangely there, by killing or stealing my Cattel in the Night, and throwing open my Corn and Grass to be eaten up, and sometimes turning my Cattel to other grounds, that they might be killed or pounded; yea stigmatized Felons were brought to a Court, there to swear falsly against me, and the best of my Beasts were presently driven away by a Levari, though I owed nothing to the Party that procured it, neither should I be permitted to make my defence to evidence the Truth; and be­ing so many ways, and so greatly damnified, I was forced to remove thence.

In searching Old Authors for Advice in my Straits, and finding good satisfaction therein, I was induced to translate and print some of their Writings, calling them Fatherly Instructions: And being extreamly aggrieved with the wrongs done me and others, some openly, but the most secret­ly, Iniquity working in a Mystery, and that like it's Author invisibly; so that when I felt the smart, I must prophesie who smote me, as the Crucifiers of our Saviour bid him do: I added to it that Ap­pendix, called Gildas Minimus, which I wrote to disswade from Apostacy, and those other Abomi­nations that are like to be very pernicious to these Nations, if not timely repented of. And [Page 11] expecting Calamity to come on the Land, I wrote in it these few Verses, which then I was loath to print:

Poysons and secret Murders seemed most horri­ble to me, and the Curses pronounced against them very formidable, as appears in the case of the Men of Anathoth, for seeking to destroy the Pro­phet Jeremy thereby. What we read in Chapter 11. v. 19. of his Prophesie, Let us destroy the Tree with the Fruit, the Septuagint render, [...], the vulgar Latin, Mittamus lignum in panem ejus, another, Corrumpamus lignum in pane ejus, the Chald. Paraphr. Mittamus venenum mortiferum in cibo ejus ut disperdamus eum, which is in English, Let's put deadly poyson in his meat, that we may destroy him. In 22, 23 Verses, the Lord shews how he would recompense them for it; Their young men should die by the Sword, their Sons and Daughters by Famine, and there should be no rem­nant of them.

Having diligently sought Direction of God by Study and Prayer, I got my Mind fully satisfied, that to follow the Precepts and Examples of Christ, and his inspired Servants, Prophets, Apo­stles, and the Primitive Christians, is the only safe way for living and dying, for doing and suf­fering, which is the cause I do not run with the stream of the World, nor take the same course as most do, because it's so much differing from that [Page 12] pattern; which instructed me what to do in my case in reference to God and Man. My Soul was earnestly stirred up to examine the Evidence of my Interest in God, and to look to my self, that I live in Obedience to his Gospel, and by seeking of him with a contrite Heart, he enabled me to fear him more than those that can kill my Body, and to be willing to suffer rather than wil­fully to sin against him, and to partake of the Affli­ctions of the Gospel, rather than of the pleasures of Sin. I carefully looked to my deporument to­wards Men both high and low, yielding Obedi­ence, tribute and tax to whom they were due, praying for Superiours as earnestly as for my self; and when I had opportunity to be serviceable to the publick, in correcting Welch Books, or any thing else, I discharged my Duty with diligence and Faithfulness. And though I have been deprived of my Preferment, which might have raised me a little out of harms reach, that I should not be troden under all vulgar feet, yet I can be content, when I consider how stormy, tossing and sinful the World hath been, ever since I was concerned to manage any thing in it, making it difficult or impossible for Scholars to obtain preferment, and keep it during Life, without doing and saying, if not swearing contradictories, using of Flatte­ries, and many questionable practices. Sometimes in my Dangers and Losses I made lawful applica­tion to Magistrates for protection, where I had any hopes to be heard, and never medled with any Plots to molest them, being observant of the Oath of Allegiance; and in case I had not sworn, I thought it inconsistent with my Christianity to live in Fraud or Treachery, and speaking peace [Page 13] to lye in wait for Blood or Spoil. And should I by the wrongfulness of my Sufferings by perswa­ded of the lawfulness of my defence by resisting any of my Oppressors, my destitute Condition for many Years warns me sufficiently not to expect any to assist me therein: And if it would be im­prudence in a Hercules to engage against two Per­sons, surely it would be so for me alone to assault Legions. Since my Troubles grew extream, I could have but few to joyn with me in Prayer, and other Gospel Duties; and if they would not shed tears with me, it is not likely they would shed Blood for me; Ʋanae sine viribus irae.

As I am not Conscious to my self of any Crime against Superiours, I am ignorant also what others think of me in that respect, for no Body tells me what my Affliction is for. When Joab's Corn was consumed, he knew of whom to enquire the cause of it, and how to prevent such another loss. But no body is found to deal so well with me, as an ill Man did with him. So that I must say to eve­ry Instrument of my Affliction, as our Savi­our to him that buffeted him most wrongfully: If I have spoken or done evil, bear witness of the evil, but if well, why smitest thou me?

And as I kept innocence towards those above me, I did so also towards those about me, not seeking to wrong, hurt, or defile any in Soul or Body, Name, or Goods, either secretly or openly, traudulently or violently; yea, sometimes I had opportunity, and took it to shew benevolence not only to my Friends, but to my Foes also, by praying, admonishing, and helping them in outward needs, and if I can I will do so again. I acknowledge that under great pressures I have complained of my wrongs, and [Page 14] the doers thereof, to such as might disswade them from their evil; but that I did any thing publick­ly or privately, with intention to bring any of them to punishment, I utterly deny; and if any mischief befell any of them, it hath been without my Design, Contrivance, or Consent. Yea, I am not without fears, lest some of my dear Relations, and loving Acquaintance, have been prejudiced by my Persecutors, upon occasion of my Friendly Converse with them, or Communication of them▪ And if it be so, I hope God will not impute to me what was done against my Will, any more than the Death of those innocent Children to the Wise Men that came to worship Christ at his Birth, who though wise, yet contrary to their expecta­tion, by their devout Enquiry stirred up He­rod's Cruelty, tydings of a meek Saviour making him a Bloody Destroyer beyond all suspicion. My Disposition was Moderate also towards the established Ecclesiastical Government, acknow­ledging it's usefulness in exhibiting the Scriptures and Prayers to these Nations in their vulgar Tongues, upholding Learning, and a deal of smooth and grave Praying and Preaching, and melodious Singing, which I hope by some are devoutly impro­ved: And the generality it keeps in a Customa­ry Profession of the Christian Religion, hitherto keeping out Popery, Mahometanism, and Paga­nism, which are embraced by other Nations.

Yet forasmuch as the greatest part of our Countreys are void of true Grace, and Christian Godliness, or the likeness of it, as we may well conclude by Scripture and Experience, and there­fore unfit to communicate at Christs Table, and to do many other Duties demanded in the Gospel, [Page 15] I think it dangerous that Christ should be depri­ved of a Spiritual, Zealous, Holy Worship, and Church-Government, according to the pattern given us in the New Testament. And therfore am glad for the liberty given to such as God en­lightens and sanctifies with his good Spirit, and makes able to live according to the Gospel, to meet together in Christs Name, to worship him with their Spirits, and to participate of his Sup­per, being the seeketh such to worship him, Joh. 4. and to exercise Spiritual Instruction and Disci­pline, as he hath ordained, and which the carnal multitudes in all Nations are unqualified for. As praying in the Spirit, pouring out their Souls with groans and tears, and elevated affections in thanksgivings, without external Monitors, as Christ and his Servants did in Primitive times, John 17. Acts 4. 24. Rom. 8. 26, 27. preaching with warmth and earnestness, Comforting others with the same com­forts that themselves are comforted of God, 2 Cor. 1. 4. Spiritually admonishing and restoring a lap­sed Brother, and casting out the impenitent, that God may have a clean though little Temple to dwell in, and not a Den of Thieves. And though of a long time my Afflictions have bereaved me of the help of such Gospel Society, and forcibly hindered me to exercise my Talent, as I would, for the promoting thereof, yet I congratulate that others may have it.

Envy need not counterwork this matter, the success thereof in this sinful Age not being like to be exceeding great. Providence in Judgment for our Provocations, threatning to remove our Candlesticks, rather than promising to encrease our Lights. And the way that leadeth to Heaven [Page 16] being narrow, and not paved with Pearls, nor strewed with Temporal alluring Flowers, but Thorns rather, will be frequented but by few. If there be no pieces of Silver given to the Ju­dases, but that they be left as destitute as the Na­thaniels, if the setting Dogs and Wolves in Sheeps­clothing fare no better than the innocent Lambs, 'twill be apparent that Christs true Disciples be but a little Flo [...]k; Vertue being poor, seldom hath many Suitors. Though the Apostles and their immediate Successors in outward poverty drew many followers after them by the sweet Oynt­ment poured forth upon them, and the power of miraculous Healing; yet now the Case is altered in the following circumstances. Then the Gentile Churches were in their fruitful Youth and teem­ing Season, and brought forth many Sons and Daughters by the Gospel seed; but now they are grown old, withered and barren; both the Eastern and Western Nations having neglected to walk ac­cording to the Gospel for many Generations, the Lord in anger permits them to obey unrighteousness; and because they received not the love of the Truth that they might be saved, they are left to continue in strong delusion. In the last days times are pre­dicted to be very perilous, and little Gracious, 2 Tim. 3. 1, 2. The Spirit of God also being so ge­nerally mocked, becomes more reserved; Christ re­fusing to work because of Ʋnbelief, and other hainous sins, which makes religious Duties in most places less vigorous than they have been formerly.

Furthermore, The World needs not fear hurt by godly Ones, whether they be many or few, to­gether or asunder; Hypocrites I do not plead for. As our Saviours Kingdom is not of this World, [Page 17] so his Childrens main part of it is not here, but elsewhere laid up with him, and therefore have the less need to fight in its defence with carnal Weapons. Their Armour is spiritual, Faith their Breast-plate, Zeal their Fire, Tears their Bullets, and these are used for their Enemies protection and salvation. So that the World may expect benefit by having good men in it: I mean not that benefit which some Politicks write of, That the Prince is safer by having Subjects at Vari­ance, as Cato would keep Servants that were at odds with one another, that if one imbezled any thing, the other might betray him. If diffe­rences among men be of use to their Governour, there are enough about worldly matters. But I mean such a benefit as Joseph brought upon the House of Potiphar. All Mankind at present is more beholding to eight such Persons in Noah's Family, than to all the multitudes in that Age, though mighty and of Renown, Gen. 6. and well it had been for Sodom and Gomorrah, if ten righte­ous ones had been tolerated among them.

And though the World need not fear hurt by the preservation of Gods Servants, yet it should greatly fear it for their destruction. Saul and all Israel with him payd dear for slaying the Priests of the Lord, and so did Jerusalem for slaying his Son, and stoning his Prophets: And probably wrath for Persecuting is one deadly In­gredient in the Cup of Trembling now put into the hands of most Nations, to cause in them such a Bloody-flux. It were well for these Na­tions in the present dangers, if all Parties ceas­ing from Spite, and calling one another to their [Page 18] several Devotions, as the Mariners did in Jonah's Tempest, could with their joynt endeavour pa­cifie God. It's to be much doubted whether the Melody of our Organs and Temples can drown the Cries of our Sins, and the wailings of the Fatherless and Widows; or that the Halls of our Corporations be so well furnished with Ci­vil or Spiritual Righteousness, or our Countrey Barns with such good Wheat, as will keep off the Fire of Gods wrath from consuming us as Stubble and Tares, without more general amend­ment. It would prove a beneficial Indulgence, if the languid spirits of the several Forms of our Religion should be so well revived, as to be able to divert, or overcome those strong Judgments, that our Irreligion is like to bring upon us.

In my Case I have had many Experiences of Gods goodness; I have seen much of his Power and Faithfulness in all my Troubles: I put my trust in him, though I saw for certain that most of the World about me was against me: Great and Small, Friends and Foes, Professors and Pro­phane, Relations and Strangers, some reproach­ing me to the World, and accusing me to men in Power, some robbing and defrauding me of my Estate, some tempting me to Uncleanness, others poysoning my Body; some writing, others Preaching against me, and such Ordinances were mounted in many Pulpits as were levelled at me, not to edifie, but to batter down my spiritual Comforts, and I should hear terrifying Voices not from black Clouds only, but from bright ones also; insomuch that such as knew my In­tegrity [Page 19] durst not own me, but were afraid to consort with me; and seeing me set up as a Mark for all to shoot at which venom'd Arrows, they were cautious of coming near me, lest they should be hit also; yet when all forsook me, the Lord stood with me, and hath hitherto delivered my Life from the innumerable Dangers assaulting it. And though he permitted most of my Estate to be gone from me, yet he giveth me content and necessary Supplyes to this day, and good Hopes of having in Heaven a better and an endu­ring Substance, and more comfortable Mansions, and Relations, than those I am deprived of. Di­vine Providence in my behalf giveth evidence, that the Foolishness of God is wiser than subtle Devils, and his Weakness stronger than mighty malicious men; and that such as put their trust in him shall not be confounded, whatever they suffer for his sake; and when this frail Life is offered up, he'll give me that of whose Dura­tion and Felicity I shall never be deprived.

The Lord has been often pleased to let me have Experiment also of his readiness to hear my Cries in all my straits: When in sorrows for Losses, or apprehensions of Dangers, my Soul is cast down or disquieted within me, by making my Applica­tion to God in earnest Prayer, I usually obtain Comfort, and shall be as secure and peaceable in my Mind, as if nothing ailed me. In my Di­stresses I have had my Heart enlarged to pour out supplications to the Author of Life, and found them sure Antidotes against the Infection of Temptations that seek the destruction of my Soul, and against the painful Operations of poy­son [Page 20] in my Body, and have sometimes obtained ease before I arose from off my Knees. When I had a swelling on the side of my Neck, which could not be abated by taking Physick, solicit­ing God for help, I had notice by Dream to cut an Issue, which dispersed the Humour in few weeks. Once a Carpenter working at my House slit his Finger with his Hatchet, and though the Blood at that time was soon stanched, yet the man being gone to his Lodging, and opening the wound to one that was skilful in Cures, there­at it fell a Bleeding again so violently, that no means could stop the Blood till several quarts of it were lost, and the man brought to the point of Death. Being called out of my Bed, I went to him, and being grieved to see him in that Condition, and the more, because he was hurt at my House, I called upon God in his be­half, and immediately after it came into my Mind that putting his Arm in cold Water might be a means to help him: And thereupon I held his Arm from his Elbow to his Wrist in Water, and plied it with a wet Cloth, and presently the Blood recoyled and stopt; and though the wounded Man fell into a Swoon that Morning, yet in due time he recovered his perfect Health. It pleased God in that great need to put me up­on that Remedy, which before I had never thought of. Long ago I had a sensible attack by some Spirit, and deliverance from him while I called on God. Having sate up late at my Study, and none being with me in the room, I thought I heard the rusling of one behind me, when I turned I could see no body. As soon as [Page 21] I was in bed, something near me made a snarling noise like that of Cats fighting, but somewhat louder, and several times blew at my throat very violently: I thought the wind of it strong­er than that which cometh from Black smiths Bellows. In my Fright I fell to Prayer, and be­fore I had uttered many words in it, the storm ceased.

Lastly, I observe that the Lord exerted his righteousness many times in my Concerns. I have often seen his hand pleading my Cause with those that injured me, and dealing severe­ly with them, and that without my contrivance; for I addicted not my self to seek revenge upon them, when I seemed to have some advantage for it. Some that unanimously molested me while I was Beneficed, afterwards fell out a­mong themselves, and ruined one another. Some that were active in depriving me, died sud­denly thereupon. And the Officer that com­manded the rude Souldiers to carry me to Pri­son, soon after fell out with his own Kinsfolk, which caused great disturbance in Markets by tumultuous fightings, and in open Sessions by mutual Suits at Law. And near the same time Twelvemonth as he sent me to Denbigh Gaol, he went into the great Sessions held in the said Town, to wage Law against his Adversaries, and there in the heat of Anger was suddenly dispatcht by a violent Feaver. Others besides me, took notice how his Judgment in the sight of the County pointed at his late Oppressing injury. And within two or three years after most of his rude men died also in the prime [Page 22] of their Age. I might give many Instances more of this kind. I wish the rest of my Per­secutors may take Example, and not be made such.

Though I have not layd down here one wrong of a hundred inflicted on me, nor one Mercy of a Thousand God shewed me, yet it may be sufficient (if the Lord please) that Iniquity may stop her mouth, and the considerate understand the Loving-kindness of the Lord: And I fear here's more than some will either improve or bear at present: But that in Gods time they may re­ceive Repentance and Mercy upon Examination of their ways, shall be the Prayer of