JOCO-SERIO.
STRANGE NEWS, OF A DISCOURSE BETWEEN Two dead Giants, expressed in an Epigram, to one Inquisitive for News, and was composed by occasion of a scurrilous Pamphlet, ENTITULED, A DIALOGUE BETWEEN COLBRANT and BRANDAMORE,
The two Giants in Guild-hall London.
Which Pamphlet was not only intended to abuse this Author, and some particular persons by name, but the said City also, in the late Election of their Parliamentary MEMBERS.
Thereto is added an Antidote against all Ill News whatsoever, which proving effectual to many lately reputed Phanaticks, may possibly be vertual to some other.
Jeers will be self-condemned,
And sting less if
contemned.
G. W.
London, Printed 1661.
JOCO-SERIO. Strange News, of a Discourse between two dead Giants, expressed in an Epigram to one inquisitive for News, and was composed by occasion of a scurrilous Pamphlet, entituled, A Dialogue between COLBRANT and BRANDAMORE, the two Giants in Guild-hall, LONDON, &c.
FRiend, there is now, no
Good news to be had,
And, I intend to publish none that's bad;
For, as
Affairs yet stand, it may be treason
To speak the
Truth, if spoken out of season;
And, though in season spoken, he that speaks it,
May suffer by his folly who mistakes it.
Yet (now I think upon't) a little scrap
I met withall this morning, by meer hap,
Which may be safely told: for nor to
State
Or
Church, but to my self it doth relate;
And, it hath made me smile, with scorn, to see
What heed,
Great men, begin to take of me.
The
Lord Mayor, & some
Aldermen have known me
Long time; yea, men of all degrees do own me
With good respect, for whose esteem I care;
And some, who of the best
Extraction are.
[Page 2] But, that's no
News; or, none, at least, compar'd
To that which now shall be to thee declar'd:
For, be it known, that, though obscurely born,
I am now honor'd with a
Publick scorn
(Divulg'd in print) as if reputed one
Who hath deserved to be thought upon
Among those persons, who are in these times
Renowned for those
Vertues, or those
Crimes
Which in this Age must punishment receive,
Or
honour; and next
Age their judgement have,
When they, who are no parties in the cause,
Shall judge men, both by Gods &
Natures Laws.
Mean while, their censures must be undergone
Who neither know me, nor what I have done:
For, they, who never heard of me; who never
Did see me, nor shall hear of me for ever,
Take notice of me, to my wonderment,
And, not a little to my good content;
Since, peradventure, it may shortly bring
My person to be known unto the King,
Who, if he truly know me would conceive
That, usefully to serve him I might live,
Although traduc'd I am by some of them,
Who, in another mode, have served him.
If thou hast read in
Legends heretofore
Of big-bon'd
COLBRANT and great
BRANDAMORE
The
Giants in
GVILD-HAL; be pleas'd to know
That, in a
Dialogue betwixt those two
My
name is mention'd, with as much applause
As I could wish, from
Champions of that
Cause
For which they stand; and to as good effect
As I can possibly from those expect,
Of whom I never yet much notice took,
And, to whom, in my life, I never spoke.
[Page 3] These two
Goliahs (things, as big almost
As he, who once defied
Israels Host,
(And had his Cockscomb crackt by little
David,
Because himself so rudely he behaved)
These
Ascaparts forsooth, I know not how,
Pretend to be of my acquaintance now;
And, this is such a
Novelty to me
That I have sent the same, as
News to thee.
For,
News it is to me, and strange
News too,
That
BUGGS with whom I never had to do,
Should shew themselves, in my
Affairs as witty
As in the great
Concernments of their
City,
Where they have had a place to them assign'd
At
Publick meetings, now time out of minde.
Tis News to me, that,
creatures of their frame,
To any purpose, should repeat my
name,
Since, probably, they do not know their own,
But, are the greatest
Block-heads in the Town,
Except it be those foolish
Pamphleters
That, use to write such
Dialogues as theirs;
(Or, base
Invectives tending to th' increase
Of
Discord, by the breach of civil peace)
And, who, mens honest fames to overthrow,
Shoot poysoned Arrows from an unseen bow,
For, these are much more blockish; and this
Nation
Will never thrive, whilst these have toleration.
However, this perhaps forewarn me may,
That some as
mighty, and as
wise as they
Will mention me ere long, to worse effect,
And with a more malicious dis-respect,
Than these
Detractors hitherto have done,
Though me, they seem not, yet to think upon.
But, be it, as it must be;
Scorns and
Jeers,
Have hung so long, as Jewels at mine ears,
[Page 4] That, whether my
Reproach be less or greater,
I shall my self esteem, nor worse, nor better
For what, by others, is
done, spoke, or
thought,
Whilst I,
think, speak, and
do the things I ought.
He, that takes heed, what to himself relates,
Needs not care what the
world, without him, prates
This, is my best
News, at this present time;
That which it wants in
Reason, take in
Rime.
Farewel.
A Postscript.
BUt, take this
Post script too (which, whilsta taper
One lights to seal it) shall fill up this paper.
Know, this was not intended to
Retort
Or
Vindicate; but, only, writ in sport.
He that asperseth me, himself doth hide
Like those Bandetti by the high-way side,
Who, cowardly do shoot unseen, and flay
Before they dare to seize upon their prey;
Yet, though I knew him, I have lately got
So tride a
Charm against all
Paper-shot,
That, onely, smiling on him with disdain
(To let him know he shoots at me in vain)
I scarcely should, by way of complement
Spare him so many words, as
Marshal spent
On his
Traducer, when, this
Verse he flung him,
Nos, ab hac scabie, tenemus unguem.
Whose sense is (in the Language of this
Isle)
To scratch this
SCAB, my nail I'le not defile.
Know also, that the Cause I do not dread
Those fearful
Rumours which are lately spread,
Is not, for that, I think, or do fore-see
Such things, are things impossible to be,
[Page 5] For, when I heed, that still the self-same path
Is trodden, which an evil tendance hath;
And, that, most men rush forward in that
Round
Wherein their
Predecessors ruine found;
When I perceive the
Vices heretofore,
Not onely to be still the same, but more;
That, nor
GODS Judgements, nor his
Mercies, whether
Past, present, single, or joyn'd both together
Regarded seem; nor wholsome counsels given
By men, or timely warnings daign'd from heaven,
But, that, still, wicked wishes, hellish prayers,
Revengeful Projects, Jealousies, Despairs,
And cursed speakings, daily aggravate
That
Animosity and secret hate,
Which at the first begun our sad
Distractions;
And are fomented still in several
Factions,
Through that neglect of
Justice and
Compassion
Which might effect true Reconciliation;
I fear, what may to other men befall,
But, fear not in my own respect, at all,
Because, that, whereto things now feared tend,
Have brought my hopes already to an end,
As they concern this
world; except, refin'de
GOD shall restore them, when they are
calcin'd.
The
Rumors which I hear, to me seem toyes,
Like Squibs and Crackers which affrighten boyes,
For, his
Protection I am sheltred under
Who speaks in love, ev'n when he speaks in thunder.
His
Judgements are upon us, but the flame
Will burn them, who are kindling of the same;
For, by the paths which I see by them trod,
I finde our
Foes, are not the friends of GOD;
And, that when all our dross, away is fum'd,
They shall be purged too, or else consum'd.
[Page 6] He that secures me, will secure all those
Who shall their confidence in him repose.
No cause have any men to fear
ill tidings,
Who underneath GODS
Umbrage have abidings:
For, whatsoe're succeeds, yea, come what will,
It comes to them for
Good, and not for
Ill.
That will new-make them, which their foes destroies,
Disgrace shall honor them, grief bring them joyes;
Ev'n
Death it self, shall be true
lifes possessing,
And ev'ry
Curse be turn'd into a
Blessing.
Then, all we have to do, is, down to sit
Beneath this
shade; all things to GOD commit.
Pray to him for our
selves, our
friends and
foes,
And praise him heartily for all he does.
If this be done, we shall be free from fears,
Although the world doth all it can, or dares.
G. W.
FINIS.