Sweet Maudlin.

AFter her return from Edg-hill, which her may speake with griefe of heart, her chaunced to cast her eyes on your incomparable be [...]uties, by whose power­full influences her was more wounded and killed and slaine, then her was at Kenton battaile, and her did find that the sword wounds gently, but Love hath no mercy when it doth once strike the heart with deep affection, so that her can get no Surgeons in Hospitals or any where else, but only the favour of her beloved Maud­lin, must as it is the cause, be also the cure of all her griefe and forrowes. For when her first beheld her, your haire (faire Maudlin) seemed to re­semble the golden strings on her Harp, your eyes shined like bright stars, and in your cheekes appeared more Roses and Lyllies then there be leek [...] in her gardens in Wales; whereupon, her was fully resolved to make you the Mistris of her affections, and after many considerations of her own e­state, and how fit a match you would be for her in the honest wayes of ma­trimony being a matter of mony; for now her will stand upon her high tearms, having been a Souldier: her thought with good audacities and boldnesse, to utter her mind in as good languages as her could, desiring her not to look upon her with her Welsh frowns (for frowns will spoile her beauties) but with a smiling countenance behold the dolours and griefes which Shinkin sustaines for her sakes, and give her such a favoura­ble answer that her may be comforted, and cherish hopes and assurances to gaine her favour: will her, love Shinkin, what do her say?

MAster Shinkin, I perceive you can flatter exceeding well, but my eyes being full of my own wants, can see nothing in mee worthy your affection. The War is kinder then I can prove, from whence by the nimble agility of your feet you returned safe and sound, and pitty it were that the sword should devour so brave a Gentleman as you, I mean when [Page]you are well apparelld; your folly, not my beauty hath wounded you, if Love do occasion your sicknesse, wholsome kitchin physick will cure you, especially Leek-pottage, for leekes bee perfectly ripe on St. Taffies day, which will cleanse and purifie your blood, and purge out the wanton hu­mours that disturb your brains. Do not curse your selfe and me in welsh, if I refuse your offer of marriage: for your suite purchased in Long-lane, and your mountainous language, such as Goates would utter if they could speak, cannot move me: therefore be patient in your new wooing apparell, for your love is bootlesse because you come in stockings, and therefore trouble not your brain with studying hard words and speeches, to de­monstrate your affection, Welch-men were never true.

HOw! what vile indignities does her use upon her true Brittaines. Sweet Maudlin, if her do distrust her fidelities or any other abili­ties, her shall find her as true as her smock to her white pellies, or he [...] backside, and her will stick unto her in all fortunes and couragious mag­namities, fight for her as long as her Welch hook holds, let her but grant her affections, and make Shinkin happy in the fruition of her Love, which her shall esteem above all her dirty cattle and her lands and houses in her possession in Wales.

PArdon my rash words if they have offended, I have read of the welch magnanimity in old stories, but could never understand it without book, it was reported unto me for certaine, that your crowns were ter­ribly crackt at Kenton field, and I love you better then to have you bea­ten againe, or to see you throw away your arms, and confide in your legs for my sake: Neither will I put you to that service which my smock doth under-goe, since your strong breath contaminated, doth render you un­worthy to kisse my back-side: As for your cattle I beleeve they are white, some of them grey, and some with a black list down their backs; you have called them in Welch, Moabites, and Nittibites, and graze only in your bosome; and those great pig houses whereof you boast are the buildings of your welch conceits, and are indeed nothing but Castles in the Ayre.

IF her doubt the words and affirmations of her affectionate servant Shinkin, let her trample down with her into Wales, her horse would be as proud as her selfe to cary faire Maudlin behind her, or if her will [Page]her shal ride before her, but that her wold not have the beast come betwixt her mistris thighs, which place Shinkin only doth deserve and merit: but if sweet Maudlin would be pleased to guild over her sublunary buildings in Wales with her presence, her would then when her eye doth survey her house and lands derived from her Ancestors, beleeve all her reports to be verities and truth, and not coyned out of her braines as her Welsh Al­manacks & other inventions by her lately produced, to keep people from talking of Treason against the King: for her hath in Wales great pig-hou­ses, so that her may ride in at the door with her pike upon her shoulder, and great ponds round about behind her house, which are full of red her­rings and other good fish, especially round and sound trouts, and then her hath a number of Out-houses in her back-side, besides her Tennants doe pay her good pounds, shillings, and pence for their Farms which they hold under her, being the Lord of all the soyles and lands thereabouts, be­sides her hath great store of goats and young kidds, which her will bake in venison pasties, and Maudlin will say was excellent good meate, and for her goates, they yield her good milke to make her welsh cheese strong and fat, and toast the better, & from her sheeps back her get good wool whereof her will make her petticoats to wear next her smocks, and her selfe jerkins and doublets of freeze; Her have tame fowl, as cocks, hens, geese, ducks, which walke about in her yards, and a Conny-burrough of her own on her back-side, but not so good as that which Maudlin hath on her for-side. And her is resolved to give Maudlin all her lands, her houses, her pig-houses, her farms, all her goats, young kidds, and sheepe, and all her Cockes and Cocke-geldings, her Hennes and all their egges with chickins in them, her geese and all her pretty ducks, nay, all her conies that ever her saw, felt, or understood, so that Shinkin may enjoy and possesse all h [...]r grounds and arables, and all her other commo­dities, her will not say coneys though, if Maudlin would be so pleased, her would convert her self into any shapes and figures, and for her sake become a Warriner in greene with a long staffe on her shoulder, so that sweete Maudlin would be the parke and the coney, for then her would be the cunny-catcher. Her crave pardon for her boldnesse, and if her tongue have thrown out any rash or lewd languages, her will plead her cause in kisses, and from Mrs. Maudlins sweet lips obtaine a sealed pardon, which her could hardly obtaine if her should come before her Welch Judges for felonies. Thus her will give away all her hath, and her selfe, and all a­bout her, and make her selfe as poor as any Brittaine in Wales, that her may purchase the Love and affections of her dearest Maudlin [...], give her therefore her pray you some good kind answers that may comfort her despayrinng hearts as much as her own Country metheglin doth.

GOod Shinkin, I must desire you not to bee offended, if I compare your long speech unto your high mountains, the one is barren of grasse, the other without wit or sence: your promises are as long as your Welch miles, you know not what occasion maids have sometimes to step out in­to a corner: and if I were not a Virgin, your long Orations would put me to much extreamity: your houses in Wales (as I said before) are no­thing I beleeve but castles in the ayre, and they smell so strong of leekes and toasted cheese, that the scent thereof would make me loath all your pig-houses: And though your Welch N [...]ggs be beasts of better carriage then yourselfe; you shall not cary me like a cloake-bag behind you, and your welch Naggs are so small of stature, the people seeing us ride through Country Towns, would thinke we rode double upon a hobby-horse. And for your conies keep them you have, for you are like to get no more of me, though I beleeve you are an arrant cunny-catcher, therefore my an­swer is and must be, I cannot love you.

HOw! cannot her love Shinkin? call backe that word ag [...]ine, lest it make her madde and out of her wits, because her cannot obtain her desires in her affections. Pray tell her Maudlin what was hinder her ap­probations and good wills to Shinkin, was her not born a Shentleman by many hundred descen [...]s, and derive her pedigrees from Adam, & beyond too? and doth her not bear her Schutchions charged with three woodcocks to denote and signifie the great wisedome of her families and Progeni­tors, from her Fore-fathers and Fore-mothers: and therefore if Maudlin would be pleased to joyn with her in matrimonies, her could not dispa­rage her selfe, but her should bring her a great deale of posterities of her owne begetting, which should bee all Shentlemen of Wales after her de­cease, and her assure you Maudlin there was great differences betweene rude Cotidons and clownes and her Shentleman of Wales, for Shinkin though her say it, and may sweare it, was bred up in all good educations & qualities as well as her best Gentries: her can dance in as good measures and fashions, and cut capers three yards above ground by the magnani­mities and agilities of her strong back: and was take her Welch harp be­tween her leggs and play thereon such sweet Dittyes and madrigalls and true lessons, as would ravish her before her matrimonies, and if her could be so happy as to have Maudlin between her leggs, her would teach her a lesson that should exceed all pricke-song, and make her better harmony and musick then all her harps could do, for her love no in [...]uments so [Page]well as Maudlins, which her know how to stop and finger as well as the best musitians in the whole world. Her would therefore desire her to joyn with her in matrimonies, and her will play upon her instruments day night, if her would condiscend to make marriages with her true love and affection: besides, Skinkin hath many other qualities may induce you, dear Maudlin, to love her in all integrities: what say her now to her wooing argument and reasons, Shinkin knows how to speake in complements and strong languages.

IF Shinkin be a Gentleman, let him expresse it in generous qualities, I love not bragging, but perhaps Shinkin, that is all you have to shew to make you a Gentleman. Talk not to me of your coate, which perhaps may lye at the Brokers as well as your other apparrel doth, and for your arms, your leggs (as I heard, prov'd your best friends at Edg-hill) and for your skill on the Harpe, the best musick that you would make me, would be silence, and so seem wise.

O be not so cruell and hard-hearted, sweet Mrs. Maudlin, that physiognomy of yours promises better things. O that colour in those cheeks which strives to put down the ruby & obscure the rose & that for-head which shine like bacon-rine, whose crooked nose which downe to her chinne doth bow, which will save her many a penny in buying of shoo [...]ing-hornes when her wants them to pull on her shooes withall.

Out you jeering Welsh theefe, I hate thy flattering words, I cannot endure thy face, much lesse thy rude expressions; I am sorry I have lost so much time, and spent so much breath to answer thee in thy foolish propositions and questions.

Her do owe her as many gratulations for her patience and fa­vour afforded her at this time in hearing her complements, as there be [...]ai­cocks in Iune, and as many thanks as there be roses in May.

You are mighty fluent in your eloquent tongue; but for all your faire words you shall not make mee yield my selfe to your goatish desires.

Sweet Maudlin, her do honour the very ob-umbrations of her shoo-ties, her do reverence her very posteriours, and would salute her be­hind and before, whensoever her meet her, sweete Maudlin: O Love and Pease-pottage and garlicke are three strong things, her wil be alwaies her friend, and stand to her upon all occasions, if her would but love her.

I thinke so too if you had power; I doe imagine since you have lost so much bloud as you told me you did at Kinton field, that you have nothing standing but y [...]ur eares: I believe you may cry three times so ho, before it wil stand once.

Sweet Maudlin love her, and that without delay▪ And cast not with thy crabbed looks, a proper man away.

How, doe you call your selfe a proper man? by my troth Master Shinkin I see no such matter about you, as either propernesse or comlinesse, I tel you plainly, I cannot fancy your person nor love your conditions.

If her will but love her, her shall have all varieties that her heart can wish, and also sorts of fowle and fish: As Duck, Mallard and Wood­cocks, Wigeons, and all dainty content; for fish, her have poor Shonn, Sprats, and Bloat-herrings, and Red-herrings with bells about their necks, her shall have good store of Welch wine, as Perry and Cider ancient Cairiwhiblin and excellent Ale, her shall have a mountain of Coul-bobby, which is in plain En­glish good cheeze ready tosted at her commands, and a huge hill of sheeze at her becks: new sheeze as new as her moon: and old sheeze as auncient as the Creation; such sheeze as is able to go alone: besides her shall have raw sheeze; then her shall have warm or toasted sheeze; then her shall have baked sheeze, then fry'd sheeze, then broyled cheeze, fod cheeze parboyl'd cheeze. & stewed cheeze, all these her shall have if her will but love her: then her shall have her Welch Ambassador or her Welch Fidler every morning to bid good morrow to her sweet Maudlin at her chamber-window.

Good honest Shinkin for bear your earnest suite of wooing; I tell you I cannot love, nor do I care for your company; nor doe I approve of any of those things which are in your Countrey.

O that her were any thing that her Maudlin did love: would her were a jackes, or her close-stool, or her close-stoole-pan; or the lock and key to her close-stool, then her Maudlin would desire her sometimes: I would her were any thing, so her might enjoy her corpusculum; then would her have a­bout with her Nunquam-Satis: O that sweet Angels face of thine, fair Maud­lin hath ravelled me, I am enamelled with thy beautie; I am in love with thee over my high shooes: your face is more faire sweet Maudlin, then Bro [...]k my faders cow; ô those hawke eyes which twinckle like the seaven starres in Lumbard-street; whose ivory teeth give light like the gloworme in a darke e­vening to Charles his wane, when her moon is in the flock-bed.

Away with your cotten candle eloquence, I care not for your Calve-skin jests, there is nothing in you but fustian and bum-basted comple­ments, full of froath and emptinesse.

Good Mrs. Maudlin, graunt her but one thing, and then doe her pleasures.

What is that? I would do any thing to be rid of a foolish, idle, Welch prating parret, that loves to heare himselfe talke nothing but pedle [...]s French.

Do you caknow Pye-corner Law, or Pasty-nook Customes?

No not I: how should I know the Law or custome, who was ne­ver there or ever heard of it.

Then her will tell her in rime, He that will woe a maid must cog, lye, and flatter, And he that will woe a widow must down with his breeches and at her.

Out you Capricornish, Goatish, baudy filthy Welch-man, I scorne thy motion; I render thee odious in words; I could spit in thy face how darest thou to be so bold to aske a Gentlewoman such a question.

Her hopes Mrs Maudlin that her is not so angry as her seemes to be, her hopes it is but from the teeth outward.

MAster Shinkin I am sorry you have placed your love so unhappily, I must move in the obedience of a daughter, my father would not have me match to a Welch goat, and therefore I must tell you your suite is hopelesse, fruitlesse, and I am glad that I am to goe into the Countrey, that I may not be troubled with your Welch complements comprised with so much false Eng­lish, and welch wit, which is no better then English nonsence.

SWeete Maudlin, Shinkin know not whether or no her shall live to suffer the injuries of her disdaine; Has her spent all her wooing complements which her studied with all her paines and diligence, to be scornfully rejected, refused and abused? Her now perceives, and that all women-kinde doe but put flouts and jeeres upon her Countrey-men for her bad languages and ex­pressions of her affections; well Maudlin, let her now at her departing bee so kind and courteous unto her to let her imprint a kisse upon her lips in the way of salutations, and so farewell sweet Maudlin.

I Dare not, I am afraid your breath smells of toasted cheese, farewell with­out a kisse.

One sweet kisse sweet Maudlin.

If you will needs kisse, take me about the middle and kisse the heaviest end.

WEll, Her will in the absence of sweet Maudlin excuse her cruelty, but not hang hee selfe, though she be gone into the Countrey.

Was finde her I warrant her, and then have at her for a second part of her complements and wooing languages, and this is Shinkins conclusions and Resolution for this times.