FIrst for the Coun­try, I must confess it is good for those that possess it, and too bad for others, to be at the charge to conquer it. The air might be whol­som, but for the stinking People that inhabit it. The ground might be fruitful, had they wit to manure it.

Their Beasts be generally smal, Women only excepted, of which sort there are none greater in the whole world. There is great store of Fowl [Page 2] too, as foul-houses, foul-sheets, foul-linen, foul-dishes and pots, foul-trenchers, and napkins; with which sort, we have bin forcaed to say, as the children did with their fowl in the wilderness. They have good store of fish too, and good for those that can eat it raw; but if it come once in­to their hands, it is worse than if it were three days old: For their Butter and Cheese, I will not meddle withal at this time, nor no man else at any time that loves his life.

They have great store of Deer, but they are so far from the place where I have been, that I had rather believe, than go to disprove it: I confess, all the Deer [Page 3] I met withal, was dear Lodgings, dear Horse-meat, and dear Tobaco, and Eng­lish Beer.

As for Fruit, for their Grandsire Adams sake, they never planted any; and for other Trees, had Christ been betrayed in this Country, (as doubtless he should, had he come as a stranger) Judas had soo­ner found the Grace of Re­pentance, than a Tree to hang himself on.

They have many Hills, wherein they say is much treasure, but they shew none of it; Nature hath only dis­covered to them some Mines of Coal, to shew to what end he created them.

[Page 4] I saw little Grass, but in their Pottage: The Thistle is not given them of nought, for it is the fairest flower in their Gar­den. The word Hay is Heathen-Greek unto them; neither man nor beast knows what it means.

Corn is reasonable plen­ty at this time, for since they heard of the Kings comming, it hath been as unlawful for the common people to eate Wheat, as it was in the old time for any, but the Priests, to eat shew bread. They prayed much for his comming, and long fasted for his welfare; but in the more plain sense, that he [Page 5] might fare the better: all his followers were welcome, but his guard; for those they say, are like Paraoh's leane-Kine, and threaten dearth where­soever they come: They could perswade the Foot­men, that oaten-cakes would make them long-winded; & the children of the Chappel they have brought to eat of them, for the maintenance of their voyces.

They say our Cooks are too sawcy, and for Grooms & Coachmen, they wish them to give to their Horses, no worse than they eat them­selves; they commend the brave minds of the Pentio­ners, and the Gentlemen of the Bed-Chambers, which [Page 6] choose rather to go to Ta­verns, than to be alwaies eat­ing of the Kings Provision; they likewise do commend the Yeomen of the Buttery and Cellar, for their readi­ness, and silence, in that they will hear 20 knocks, before they will answer one. They perswade the Trumpetters, that fasting is good for men of that quality; for empti­ness, they say, causes wind, and wind causes a Trumpet to sound well.

The bringing of Heraulds, they say, was a needless charge, they all know their pedegrees well enough, and the Harbengers might have been spared, sit [...]ence they brought so many Beds with [Page 7] them; & of two evils, since the least should be chosen, They wish the Beds might remain with them, and poor Harben­gers keep their places, and do their office, as they return: His Hangings they desire might likewise be left as Re­liques, to put them in minde of His Majesty; and they pro­mise to dispense with the Wooden Images, but for those Graven Images in his new beautified Chappel, they threaten to pull down soon after his departure, and to make of them a burnt-offe­ring, to appease the indigna­tion they imagined concei­ved against them in the Brest of the Almighty, for suffe­ring such Idolatry to enter [Page 8] into their Kingdom; The Or­gan, I think will find mercy, because (as they say) there is some affinity between them and the Bag-pipes.

The Shipper that brought the singing men, with their Papistical Vestments, com­plains that he hath been much troubled with a strange singing in his head, ever since they came aboard his Ship. For remedy whereof the Par­son of the Parish hath per­swaded him to sell that pro­phane Vessel, and to distri­bute the money among the faithful Brethren.

For his Majesties enter­tainment, I must needs in­geniously confess, he was re­ceived into the Parish of E­denburg [Page 9] (for a City I cannot call it) with great shouts of joy, but no shews of charge for Pageants; they hold them idolatrous things, and not fit to be used in so reformed a place; from the Castle they gave him some pieces of Ordinance, which surely he gave them, since he was King of Engl. and at the entrance of the Town, they presented him with a Golden Bason, which was carried before him on mens shoulders to his Pa­lace, I think, from whence it came. His Majesty was con­veyed by the Younkers of the Town, which were about 100 Halberds, (dearly shall they rue it, in regard of the charge) to the Cross, and so [Page 10] to the high Church, where the only Bell they had, stood on tip-toe to behold his sweet face; where I must in­treat you to spare him, for an hour I lost him.

In the mean time to report the Speeches of the people, concerning his never exam­pled entertainment, were to make his discourse too tedi­ous unto you, as the Sermon was to those that were con­strained to endure it. After the Preachment, he was con­ducted by the same Hal­berds, unto His Palace, of which I forbear to speak, be­cause it was a place sancti­fied by His divine Majesty, only I wish it had been bet­ter Walled, for my friends [Page 11] sake that waited on him.

Now I will begin briefly to speak of the people, accor­ding to their degrees and qualities; for the Lords Spi­ritual, they may well be termed so indeed; for they are neither Fish nor Flesh, but what it shall please their earthly God, the King, to make them. Obedience is better than Sacrifice, and therefore they make a mock at Martyrdom, saying, That Christ was to dye for them, and not they for him. They will rather subscribe, than surrender, and rather dis­pence with small things, than trouble themselves with great disputation; they will rather acknowledge the King [Page 12] to be their head, then want wherewith to pamper their bodies.

They have taken great pains and trouble to compass their Bishopricks, and they will not leave them for a trifle; for the Deacons, whose defects will not lift them up to dignities, all their study is to disgrace them that have gotten the least degree above them; and because they can­not Bishop, they proclaim they never heard of any. The Scriptures, say they, speak of Deacons and Elders, but not a word of Bishops. Their Discourses are full of de­traction; their Sermons no­thing but railing; and their conclusions nothing but He­resies [Page 13] and Treasons. For their Religion they have, I confess they have it above reach, and God willing I will never reach for it.

They Christen without the Cross, Marry without the Ring, receive the Sacrament without reverence, dye with­out repentance, and bury without Divine Service; they keep no Holy-days, nor ac­knowledge any Saint but S. Andrew, who they said, got that honour by presenting Christ with an Oaten Cake, after his forty days fast. They say likewise, that he that translated the Bible, was the son of a Maulster, because it speaks of a miracle done by Barley Loves, whereas they [Page 14] swear they were Oaten-Cakes, and that no other bread of that quantity could have sufficed so nany thou­sands.

They use no prayer at all, for they say it is needless, God knows their minds without pratling; and what he doth, he loves to do it freely. Their Sabbaths exer­cise, is a preaching in the Forenoon, and a persecu­ting in the Afternoon; they go to Church in the Fore­noon to hear the Law, and to the Crags and Mountains in the Afternoon to louze themselves.

They hold their Noses if you talk of Bear-baiting, and stop their Ears, if you speak [Page 15] of a Play: Fornication they hold but a pastime, wherein mans ability is approved, & a womans fertility discove­red; At Adultery they shake their heads; Theft they rail at; Murther they wink at; & Blasphemy they laugh at; they think it impossible to lose the way to Heaven if they can but leave Rome be­hind them.

To be opposite to the Pope, is to be presently with God; to conclude, I am per­swaded, That if God and his Angels, at the last day, should come down in their whitest Garments, they would run away, and cry, The Children of the Chappel are come a­gain to torment us, let us flie [Page 16] from the abomination of these boys, and hide our selves in the Mountains.

For the Lords Temporal and Spiritual, temporizing Gentlemen, If I were apt to speak of any, I could not speak much of them; only I must let you know, they are not Scottishmen, for assoon as they fall from the breast of the beast their mother, their careful sire posts them away for France, which as they pass, the Sea sucks from them that which they have suckt from their rude dams; there they gather new flesh new blood, new manners, and there they learn to put on their cloaths, and then return into their Countries, to wear [Page 17] them out; there they learn to stand, to speak, and to dis­course, and congee, to court women, and to complement with men.

They spared for no cost to honour the King, nor for no complemental courtesie to welcom their Country-men; their followers are their fel­lows, their wives their slaves, their horses their masters, & their swords their Judges; by reason whereof, they have but few laborers, and those not very rich: their Parlia­ments hold but three days, their Statutes three lines, and their Suits are determined in a manner in three words, or very few more, &c.

The wonders of their King­dom [Page 18] are these; the Lord Chancellor, he is believed; the Master of the Rolls, well spoken of; and the whole Councel, who are the Judges for all Causes, are free from suspition of corruption. The Country, although it be mountainous, affords no Mon­sters, but Women, of which, the greatest sort, (as Coun­tesses, and Ladies) are kept like Lions in Iron grates; the Merchants wives are al­so prisoners, but not in so strong a hold; they have Wooden Cages, like our Boar Franks, through which, sometimes peeping to catch the Air, we are almost choaked with the sight of them; the greatest madness [Page 19] amongst the men, is Jealousie; in that they fear what no man that hath but two of his sen­ces will take from them.

The Ladies are of opinion, that Susanna could not be chast, because she bathed so often. Pride is a thing bred in their bones, and their flesh naturally abhors cleanliness; their breath commonly stinks of Pottage, their linen of Piss, their hands of Pigs turds, their body of sweat, and their splay-feet never offend in Socks. To be chain­ed in marriage with one of them, were to be tyed to a dead carkass, and cast into a stinking ditch; Formosity and a dainty face, are things they dream not of.

[Page 20] The Oyntments they most frequently use amongst them, are Brimstone and Butter for the Scab, and oyl of Bays, and Stave-sacre. I pro­test, I had rather be the mea­nest servant of the two of my Pupils Chamber-maid, than to be the Master Minion to the fairest Countess I have yet discovered. The sin of curiosity of oyntments, is but newly crept into the King­dom, and I do not think will long continue.

To draw you down by de­grees from the Citizens Wives, to the Country Gentlewomen, and convey you to common Dames in Sea-coal Lane, that converse with Rags▪ and Marrow­bones, [Page 21] are things of Mineral race; every whore in Hounds­ditch is an Helena; and the greasie Bauds in Turnbal­street, are Greekish Dames, in comparison of these. And therefore to conclude, The men of old did no more wonder, that the great Mes­sias should be born in so poor a Town as Bethlem in Judea, than I do wonder, that so brave a Prince as King James, should be born in so stinking a Town as Eden­burg, in Lowsie Scotland.