The Tickler TICKLED: OR THE OBSERVATOR Upon the Late Tryals of Sir GEORGE WAKEMAN, &c. OBSERVED:

By MARGERY MASON Spinster.

LONDON, Printed for A. Brewster, 1679.

The TICKLER Tickled: OR, The OBSERVATOR upon the Late Tri­als of Sir GEORGE WAKEWAN, &c. Observed.

LET no body wonder at this Attempt, as an Argument of over­weening, when so many of our Sex are become Statists; but I being nothing Concern'd at other Ladies Actions, will only give the Reader, as introductory to my Observations, a short Account of my own Life. I was Placed with a Beautiful Lady of Great Quality about Court, as Superintendant of her Limbecks, Preserving-Pans, and Washes; by which Means, I became the chief Confident, as being privy to all her Intrigues. My Lady past off her Youthful Years pleasurably enough both to her self, and me; for the Fresh Lovers that flock'd daily (to whom my Lady was never hard-hearted) were free of their Money, both to her self and Servants; but when my Lady became a little Superannuated, and was forced to send Ambassadors to her former Idolaters, the Case, (as to Money) came to be quite alter'd; so we liv'd upon the Spoil, but yet pretty even and even; but her Ladiship at last came to give Boots, then there was no longer Abiding for me; so I thought fit to retire whilst I had some Money, and Beauty left; so accord­ingly did, into Chancery-Lane, turn'd Sempstress: where

—Shop I keep for Countenance
But—is my Sustenance.
Chaucer.

And now having a little knack in Book-learning, I diverted my self this dead Vacation time with reading and comparing the late Tryals, with the Observations of Captain Ticklefoot, (for why not Captain Ticklefoot as well as Captain Bedloe?) They indeed are too [Page 2]unmannerly upon the Chief Magistrate, for it layes matters too open; they are likewise so rude upon the Ladies that came to attest the Truth, as is not at all suitable to the Generosity of a Chivaleer, for to treat a Lady of Mrs. Ellen Rigby's Quality, with the name of Bitch-Fox, and three penny Baggage, is not at all Ʋrbane. There were some undecencies about the other Gentlewomen, which are not worth our Confutation; so now I will modestly, as becomes our Sex, examine the whole matter.

The Detractors indeed do say, which I cannot help, if I was to be hang'd, that my Lord C. J. carriage did not seem even, as not at all quadrating with the former Tryals. The only way to judge whe­ther the Detractors be Rogues or no, is to lay down matters fairly, as they were transacted in Wakeman's Tryal, and compare them with parallel cases in the Tryals of the Convicted Persons. But before I fall into the main Business, I must have the other fling at Captain Ticklefoot, who is too severe in reflecting upon a Descent there; I suppose he hath some Brittish Bloud in him, and had a Knight to his Ancestor, or is a kin to some body that is a kin to a Lord, he would have had more Wit else, than to have objected against any body what is not in his power to help, he might have remembred that Worthy Saying of Cicero, I had rather be the First than the Last of my Family; as likewise the Brave Atchievements of that great man, how he ran down a Plot in his Consulship, Back'd by so many of the Patricians, and Chief Nobility, nay, Caesar himself was not free; it was so Back'd as the Rebels were able, upon Discovery, to Di­spute the Matter by Arms; yet that Mushrom-Orator, that man of no Images, by his own proper virtue brought it to light, and the Traytors to Punishment, notwithstanding that great Abetting▪ Or, he might have remembred, had he read Authors, what that great Capt. Cajus Marius said in his Oration to the People of Rome, when he stood Candidate for General in the Jugurthian Wars, when his want of Nobility was objected against him: Nobilitatem certe Pepe­risse melius est, quam Acceptam Corupisse; (for Padge hath a Smack at Latin, but let them English it that will.) And I think my Lord C. J. has done his Part as to every thing till of late; and whether well or no now, is to be enquired into by Circumstances. In the Trials of Whitebread and his Fellows, when the Sixteen Witnesses were brought over from S. Omers, to prove Oates in a Lie about the Time of the Consult, his Lordship, I must confess, animadverted very sarcastically upon them, by saying, their Testimony was alike to be believed, though not upon Oath, as if they had been Sworn, because they are of a Religion that can dispense with Oaths, though False, for the sake of a Good Cause. And then Reflecting upon the Nature of the men, he goes on very floridly, and tells the Jury, That they are Proselites, and young Striplings of their Church, which does indeed, in one respect or other, abuse all her Disciples, and keep them in a blind Obedience to pursue and effect all her Commands: And then going on, sayes of the Wit­nesses, That they were young Boyes sent for hither on purpose to give this [Page 3]Testimony; and though it be no Fault in the Prisoners to send for what Evidence they could; but it is very doubtful and suspitious to have such green and flexible Minds thus employed▪ and I must leave it to you; Meaning the Jury, to consider how far these Young men, Trained in such Principles, may be prevailed on to speak what is not true.

And then, alter his Lordship had done what became him by run­ning down the School-Boyes Evidence, makes this as a Natural Infe­rence, That they cannot want Witness to prove what they please; for I believe there is none of them all will make any Bones of it.

It cannot be said, I must confess, that there was any such pains taken to run down the Credit of the Gentlewomen that came to in­validate Oats his Testimony, upon the account of their Religion, or of their Sex, very prevailable upon to speak what often is not true; for the first was never so much as hinted, nor so much neither as that they were not upon their Oaths, which there was great care taken for in the St. Omers Boyes. I must confess, my Lords treating Mr. Oats about the witness Nell Rigby, is a wonder to me; for his words are so plain, that they imply he has lyed all this while, and is to be believed no more. 'Tis well observed (sayes he) that he was a beg­ging there; viz. at Pickering's formerly executed. 'Tis very much that such a man should know of such a Design on foot, and they use him on that manner; and concludes, that that amongst other things was worthy consideration. My Lord was pleased to gallant Mrs. Sheldon and Alice Broadhead at the same rate, by allowing their tale, though it was in the Negative, that Mr. Corker did never officiate as the President of the Benedictines, which made Dr. O [...]es his Evidence ineffectual. I must not forget, amongst all, my Lord's great Complement to the City, which it may be pleas'd some as much as the Verdict did please others; We have a Bench of Aldermen (sayes he) have more wit than the Conclave, and a Lord Mayor that is as infallible as the Pope. Now if all these things put together deserve another name than fair pra­ctice, I, poor Madge, cannot help it.

FINIS.

POSTSCRIPT.

BUt to come to the Point; here are Three men Indicted for no less than High Treason (for Rumley is to be omitted, the proof against him, being justly allow'd to be imperfect) one, for having un­dertaken (for a base Reward of Money, to have poyson'd a great Monarch, his Lawful Prince and Sovereign; a King, and consequent­ly, by vertue of his Office, Sacred in his Person, as being Eleva­ted to the High Dignity of a God upon Earth by the Affirmative of never-erring Scripture it self: or Crime so enormous, so void (to set Religion aside) of those common Dictates of Heathenish Morality, that it was never so remarkably violated) till Judas, and the Murde­rers of his Father taught the way: A Crime to have been committed against a Majesty, so mild, so tender of enforcing Conscience, so in­dulgent, that he frequently dispensed with the Rigour of his own Laws, to mitigate their punishment; interposing, in hopes of reclaim­ing them, between them and the violent prosecution of an incensed Parliament. And yet, for all this, Mercy it self must be assassinated, or poysoned. What can we think, but that men, who dare attempt such ungodly Massacres upon the holy person of a God upon Earth, would not stick for double the Sum, to poyson their Creator him­self, at the instigation of the Devil, his great Adversary were it with­in the Verge of their prostituted Recipe's? But happy the Gentle­man was under the Bonds of Confession. And then, Note: Hennam Conringeus, De Re­bus Publicis totius Orbis. Better that all the Kings of the Earth should perish, than that the Seat of Confession should be broken; as Binetus the Jesuite told the Learned Casaubon. Or else the Assertion of that other Jesuite prevailed with him, who averr'd to the same Casaubon in France, That if Christ were again upon Earth, Note: Casaubon in Respub. ad C. Terren. in a Condition subject to Death, and any one should tell him that he had a Design to kill him, that he would suffer Christ to be murdered, rather than reveal the Confession. Since then the Crime was so considerable, and the Consequences of its being perpetrated, must have prov'd so fatal to the Nation, it cannot well be thought that an Ʋnder-Sheriff alone was a fit person to be the sole Judge of the probity and Judgment of a Jury that was to pass their Verdict upon a Fact of so much weight, and so dreadful to the very Thoughts of His Majesties Sub­jects in the issue of the Success.

As for the other Two, though their Crimes were not absolutely so great, yet were they hainous enough; they were both privy to the Conspiracy, allowed it, fostered and encouraged it; and were the Raisers and Contributers of very large Sums towards the carry­ing it on.

As for the proof of the Endictments, it was certainly as bright as Summer Sun-shine; it is to be fear'd, too bright to dazzle the Eyes of so many mens Understandings. Then for the Defences of the [Page 5]Prisoners, they were publickly allow'd to have been very mean, and that their Cause look'd much better before they were heard: which, the Jury (had they not been Adders) might have heard; for it was spoken loud enough. For what signifi'd all their procrastinated En­deavours to shelter themselves under the Scandals and Reproaches which they threw upon the King's Evidence? A Trick they had all used, though not with the same success; and that's one thing that Reason professes her self to puzzled at: For what had the King's E­vidence done to render them more Flagitious than they were the for­mer Sessions? Why to be less Credited than before? They had been as deep in the Plot as themselves, 'tis true; but they had reclaim­ed themselvs from their Disloyalty, and by a seasonable Discovery, had Ruin'd the Villanous Architecture of their Treachery; for which, they had receiv'd the King's Pardon; and so being Recti in Curia, were not to be canvass'd by the foul Mouths of those that laid hold of every Rotten Bough to save themselves. And it was a hard Case that they should stand there as at a Stake, rather to be Baited, than Examined: But suppose them guilty of the Luxuriant Misdemeanors of the Age, what Law is there in any Nation that we know of, that excludes an Adulterer, an Atheist, a Fornicator, or a Drunkard, a Proud, or a Covetous man from giving his Testimony, either in Cri­minal, or Civil Causes? A man may love Wine, or a Mistress, be vain in his Discourse, cherish his Avarice, or his Ambition, yet loath Conspiracy, Disloyalty to his Prince, and Treachery to his Countrey. Vicious men are seldom guilty of accumulated Vice; but setting aside the particular Inclination of Nature, are in other things morally Just and Honest, religiously giving to Caesar that which is Caesar's, and abominating the Foot-steps of seemingly pious and sober Villany.

To reproach their Need and Exigency, was as little to their Ad­vantage: For who, can any man think would do the Drudgery of a Plot, carry Letters, and Portmanteaus from place to place, run from post to pillar, and be at the Beck of Inferior Superiority, but they who had not their fat Benevolences and Rewards to support them? Surely they would not have had the Lords in the Tower have run upon their Errands. Neither could there be a greater Symptom of urging Necessity, than for a man to accept of Money to murder his Prince. Why did not they, that boast so much Sobrie­ty and Sanctity, make the Discovery themselves, and put by these Flagitious Witnesses from having the Hand? Very fine indeed! ‘Clodius accusat Moechos—.’ As if any but they, who had been as Flagitious as themselves, could have ever discover'd their Designs! Would they have had the Prote­stants Divin'd them? Would they have had an Angel from Heaven have come on purpose to disclose them? or else would they have had the Evil Spirit of Brutus to have risen a third time? No certainly, they would not have had it reveal'd at all: But because these per­sons did reveal it, therefore they must be Flagitious. Fulvia and [Page 6] Sempronia, that reveal'd the Conspiracy of Cataline, were both Cur­tezans, and yet they that read the Story, will not find, that either Cicero the Consul, or the Roman Senate gave the less Credit to them for that. The Allobroges, at that time were Suppliants and Petitioners, and yet their Information past. Thus far upon the Supposition that they had been men of a loose Life or necessitous; but here was no such thing: there was not any one of their Accusations or Reflecti­ons that they could prove against them. So that Reason, in the se­cond place, admires why there was so much freedom allow'd their lavish Tongues; or that men should be so much Moap'd in their Sences, to be carried away with such a slight stream of false and proof­less Suggestions.

Such Answers as these were not so remote from the quick Apprehen­sions of men of Business, but that they might easily have been pro­duc'd to defend the Reputation of the King's Evidence, from the Batteries of men in Despair, that verily believed their Business had been done, and therefore car'd not what they said. Certainly some gentle Constellation reign'd that day, more tender-hearted than moist S. Swithin, or the weeping Pleiades; or else Mercy and Com­passion themselves had some particular pique against Truth, and were resolv'd to put an Affront upon her. But alas! Clemency had no hand in it.—The Witnesses were Hirelings and Impostors.—But now, Lassa Crudelitas began to grow penitent, and to cry Peccavi for her former Severity which will certainly be the Construction of them that hereafter shall go to play the Causinus's with our Story.

The next Plea of the Prisoners was, That the Evidence were Stran­gers to them; and that they had started a New Charge; of which they declar'd themselves utterly ignorant before the Council. A very strange thing, that the Question should be all of a sudden, whether Familiarity should be necessary for the Conviction of such secret and grand Delinquents? This was rather an Argument of the Truth. For what Motive can any Rational man propose, that should induce per­sons unacquainted with the prisoners, and consequently, such as could not be thought to have receiv'd any personal Injuries from them, out of a propense and studi'd Malice to seek their Blood? Hopes of Reward—But that's a Scandal that blasphemes the integrity of that Authority which gave the Testimonies countenance to prosecute; that impeaches both the Parliament and Council, as if they were the Rewarders of people to take away the Lives of the Innocent. They saw that apparently there was a Plot, and that there was a Design to take away the King's Life, and had as much reason to believe the In­formation of Clandestine Poysoning,, as the Private Pistolling. But these Witnesses did know the Prisoners, and had seen them in the Company of the Conspirators, had heard them discourse together of the Design it self, had seen the Acquittance for Receipt of the Mo­ney, and that by all the Circumstances of the Discourse, the Money could be paid upon no other account, than to poyson the King, which was the thing at that time intended, and the thing then only spoken of. And this was certainly and most unanswerably a know­ledge [Page 7]sufficient of the persons, without any necessity that the King's Evidence should be any farther, or more intimately acquainted with him. If a man sees a Thief break a House, it is not to be conceiv'd, that the Witness should be constrained to go and drink a pot of Ale, and enter into a strict League of Friendship with the Felon, be­fore he can accuse him of the Felony.

As to the other Objection, That the Charge of the King's Evi­dence was not so ample before the Lords of the Council, as at the Bar of Oyer and Terminer; the Answer of the King's Evidence was very fair and probable; and the Reasons of his Omission, were as credibly Ballanced in his behalf, as the Averment against him▪ He was sworn to be in a most weak and feeble condition, being tired by publick and eminent Service: And how far the Weaknesses of the Body may disorder the Faculties of the Mind, is not unknown to Vulgar Experience.

It was enough he charged him at the Bar, charged him home, and back'd his Charge with a Reserve of Circumstances sufficiently convincing; and therefore there was no Necessity to aggravate and prosecute such a prime Objection to such an egregious height, as if it had been done on purpose to throw Disgrace and Shame upon Desert, to make way for unseasonable and untoward Com­passion.

This is not the Judgment of a few, but the general Murmur and Complaint, the general Voice of the People; for they are making their Queries in every Coffee House, and cry, Why should one man be hang'd for paying five thousand Pound upon a treasonable Ac­count, and another man be acquitted for receiving the same five thousand Pounds, upon Account of the same Treason? Why the same Witnesses should condemn the one for the Payment, and be rejected.

As to the Receipt, seeing they swear as possitively to the one as the other, why the Memory of man should fail at one particular Juncture so remarkably, as to leave out or forget the most Material Points of the Kings Evidence? Why the bare Allegations for the Cri­minals should be so lugg'd and caressed, and an Oath of spotless Cre­dit for the King, look'd upon as a meer Intruder, and pass'd by with as little Respect? What Necessity or Provocation was given by the Kings Evidence to be publickly upbraided with Beggery, upon the slighter Tittle Tattle of an idle thing in Petticoats; How there came to be so much Courtship us'd toward Corkers two Misses, that their Tale should be so courteously allowed that had neither head nor Taile? Why Matters should be so ill managed, that the Kings Witnesses should have Occasion to complain, that his Evidence was not rightly summ'd up? And wherefore for such a Requisite Piece of Unmannerliness, he should be so severely check'd and frown'd upon.

Lastly, What was the meaning of so many Foreign Visits, which, upon what Account soever they were, were then neither prudently nor warily admitted at that time?

Now though the people ask these Questions, yet, they say, that many of them can answer themselves; or at least, that there are cer­tain Davids among them, that can unfold all these Mysteries: but they are so surlie, that they cry, They will take their own Time; and so they must, if there be no other Remedie.

But what have these acquitted Offenders got by this Excuse? 'Tis true, they are acquitted at the Bar of Common Trial, and so have sav'd their Lives; but they are still as guilty as ever, before the Tri­bunal of Reason: so that, although they are let loose again into the World, yet 'tis with that indelible Mark of Cain, which at length they will carry to their Graves, after they have only led a Misera­ble Life, rejected from the Society of all Good men, that are Lo­vers of their Prince and Countrey.

FINIS.

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