TYPHON: OR, The Gyants War WITH The Gods.

A MOCK-POEM. In Five CANTO'S

LONDON: Printed for SAMUEL SPEED, at the Rain­bow in Fleetstreet, between the two Temple-Gates. 1665.

THE Argument OF THE WHOLE.

THe Gyant Typhon's mighty strength;
His courage, inches, and his length:
The threats, the menaces and odds
'Twixt him, the Gyants and the Gods.
Those wonders which as yet but few know,
Besides those Gods and Madam Juno;
And they are wiser then to tell
Disasters to themselves befell.
The nimble God from heaven sent
Returnes with Gyants Complement:
At which the Gods begin to tremble,
And straight a Parliament assemble;
Who for preventing future harms,
Consult on manner of their Arms:
Debating long, it is decreed
That Vulcan fall to work with speed.
[Page]With ill success: again they arm,
Renew a second time the fight
With like success, are put to slight.
Back they return, and gain the odds;
They rout, and they pursue the Gods,
Who cunningly do vary shape
In Wood, the better to escape.
The Gods bethink it base to range
In Woods like beasts, and therefore change
Their borrow'd shapes: at Nylus-banks
God Mercury performs his pranks
They cloath themselves, to Memphis go;
The Priest and People kindness show:
Great Hercules they send for, who
Attends them with no more ado.
Jove and his son Alcides go
By joynt consent in quest of foe.
Gyants scale heaven to a wonder;
From thence are headlong thrown by Thunder.
A fight determines; where's the odds,
On Gyants side, or on the Gods.
Gyants are slaine, and Typhon flies:
Great Jove pursues, and Typhon dies.

TYPHON: OR, The Gyants War.

CANTO I.

The ARGUMENT.
The Gyant Typhon's mighty strength;
His courage, inches, and his length:
The threats, the menaces and odds
'Twixt him, the Gyants and the Gods.
Those wonders which as yet but few know,
Besides those Gods and Madam Juno;
And they are wiser then to tell
Disasters to themselves befel:
I Sing (though not in strain as they
In ev'ry line do merit Bay)
Not Hector, or the brave AEneas,
Amphiarus, nor Dapaneus;
[Page 2]Nor yet of Thetis valiant son,
Nor Prentice stout of famous Lon-
Don-Town; they're all such little brats,
That unto these they seem but Sprats
Of whole bold deeds I mean to write:
I chant o' th' man so full of might,
Before whom Thunder-thumping Iove
Ran swifter then from Hawk doth Dove.
I treat of horrid Typhon's acts,
Whose eyes do equalize his facts,
And out of whose each shoulder springs
As many arms as there are Strings
On all the Fiddles of this Town,
Or Sheep that graze on Barsted-down.
[Page 3]Among which arms there doth appear
A head would cause Old Nick to fear,
And tremble too, did he but gaze on't,
I'll lay a Piece with him that layes on't.
So cross a Rogue was never seen
By Begger blinde of Bednal-green
With boy his eyes. So much for that:
Now of his Brothers I must chat
A while; and let you understand,
Such children never were of Land,
(Nor of the Earth; but for Rhimes sake,
The Land for Earth this time I take.)
But to the point: pox on the Rhime,
'Thas forc'd me to commit a Crime
[Page 4]Against exactness.) These Braves then,
Who look'd like devils more then men,
Yeelded not in the least for strength,
For thickness, talness, bredth or length,
For rooting strong oaks, tearing rocks,
Breaking doors, or picking locks,
Passing the Seas without a bridge,
Or skipping o'er a great house-ridge;
Making a Switch of greatest Oak,
With which the bones of Gods they broke
That ne'er did brag on't (when return'd
Up to the heav'ns, where had sojourn'd
Their Godships) unto their said brother
Both by the father and the mother.
[Page 5]I have digressed somewhat long:
No matter, now I'll to't ding-dong.
You Muses nine that saw the fight
From horrid mount, and in what plight
The Gods were, when great Iove with fear
Ran here and there, and everywhere;
Upon his Horse-bird got astride;
The devil take the hindmost, cry'd;
And ran as swift from Pole to Pole,
As if h'd had at his bum-hole
The God of Fire; in danger great
To break his neck ere the retreat
Had been accomplisht; till his Bird
On Nilus-sands did drop a T—
[Page 4]Fain would I know the thing (or shape)
The fearful Gods did deign to Ape▪
For this most certain is, and true,
They all did fear and tremble too:
But whether Conquest Gyants great
Did favour, or the Gods did beat,
Is not confirm'd; for since that time
Has not been seen in any clime
Gyants nor Gods; which makes some say
There's no such thing (a-lack-a-day!)
As Muses nine, or God Apollo.
But mark you what doth after follow:
For Mercury (the King of Posts)
Brings this same news from both the hosts.
[Page 7]All in the Land of Lumbardy
There dwelt, a Kyte? no, let me see,
There dwelt a Gyant: now I'll speed,
(The better day, the better deed)
'Twas on a Sunday just past noon,
That Typhon having with a Spoon
Big as is an English Wherry,
Cramb'd as much as Gut could carry
Of Whales white-broth, and of the meat,
Which in his Maw did cause a heat,
Invited Brothers, gentile Lubbers,
To play with him at Nine-pins, Rubbers.
I think 'tis fit to let you know,
Before I any further go,
[Page 8]Those Pins they were long-pointed rocks
That with his hands, and some few knocks
H'ad fram'd, that they lookt even so:
The Bowl beat out (by strength of blow)
Of the same stuff; though not so round,
But that there might be rounder sound.
It was about the midst of May,
When jolly was the world, and gay:
Thessalia was the proper place
In which this jovial Gyant-race
Did make their Match, in Recreation
To play a Set for a Collation
At Nine-pins. Eight did fiercely play;
The other betted (as some say.)
[Page 9]The three first Games this gallant troop
Did play, they took the pains to stoop,
And minde their sport: but growing hot
With tossing too much of the Pot,
(For they had Ale and strong Beer plenty,
More then enough for them and twenty)
They grew to words, from words to blows:
But Typhon with the crooked nose
Stept in between, and cry'd out, Peace;
Whereat the hubbub straight did cease,
So that they spent the whole long day
Without a blow, or farther fray
Then has bin mention'd. But much better
It had been, to prevent a greater
[Page 10]Mischief, had each giv'n to his mate
A rouzing blow upon the pate,
And cross the shins a thousand knocks,
Then Typhon with the snakie locks
Had with a Pin got such a blow,
As made him rub from knee to toe.
It was the great Encelades
(Pox on his picture) broke the peace;
Though some say 'twas against his will,
And meerly by the want of skill:
But Typhon ne'ertheless was neer,
For knock exchanging cuff o' th' ear.
But having made on deed reflexion,
And of his thoughts a recollection,
[Page 11]Still grinning in disdainful wise,
And Lightning flashing from his eyes,
He gather'd Nine-pins up and Boul,
(No Gyant daring him controul)
And hurl'd them up with such a might,
As that they vanisht out of sight,
And could no more be seen by eyes,
But in a moment pierc'd the skies,
And to augment the Gyants wonder,
Did rattle there as claps of Thunder,
Rushing into the very place
Where Gods the Goddesses embrace:
Though they poor souls did not surmize
That Nine-pins would idolatrize:
[Page 12]But cramming Panches full with Nectar,
Such as the Goddesses expect for
Appetite, but by reversion;
For there they hold it an aspersion,
As they in France allow a woman
To gurmundize and drink with no man;
But now and then in private they
Will tipple Nectar fast as Whey.
And thus the Gods resolv'd to drink,
Till night appear'd as black as Ink.
Stout Mars took nothing but Tobacco,
Caring not a Fart for Sack though,
Shunning all celestial rooms
Not scented with Tobacco's fumes.
[Page 13]For since in Holland he had been,
And purchas'd Honour to the keen-
Ness of his weapon, he would dare
With any's valour to compare;
That being noted for a Bragger,
Some Wags ycleped him Sword-dragger:
Yet lov'd he nothing more then smoak
And Beer, for which he'd pawn his Cloak,
And did; but nought could yet prevail,
To work a league with him and Ale:
A firy God, and so uncivil,
He onely liv'd to drink and drivel;
True signe his birth and bringing up
Proceeded from the Pipe and Cup.
[Page 14]But Iupiter, who drank his fill,
Lay fast asleep close by his Gill:
Iuno lay by Silenus's Ass:
(He Bacchus foster-father was.)
Who saw them in this plight, might think
They had but little need of drink.
I will not say, Here lay a Punk,
Or there lay one was worse: but drunk
They were like Gods; and ev'ry Goddess
Lay reeking as the joynt that sod is.
Drink by Philosophy we finde,
Quells perturbations of the minde;
Dissolves those cares that do controul
The life and vigour of the soul.
[Page 15]In such a sleep the Gods were cast:
But when a nap or two was past,
They being frighted with the noise
Caus'd by those Nine-pins, Gyant-boys
Had flung; Iove starting up, quoth he,
Is this a time to disagree?
Dissentions are for mortal elves;
Gods should agree among themselves.
By this we seem as Fools and Cods heads,
With Nine-pins to assault the Gods heads.
The Deities by this time heard
Ioves voice, which made them sore afeard:
When scales were from the eye-lids broke,
Had they known how, they would have spoke;
[Page 16]But standing all as in a maze,
With eyes did nothing else but gaze,
Quoth Iupiter once more, Who's there?
Where are you all? Bring me a Chayr.
But Venus half awake (good heart)
In stead of answer, let a fart:
But straightway conscious of a guilt,
And fearing scent from what was spilt;
Quoth she, 'Tis nothing, dreadful Sir.
You lye, you Whore; I heard a stir,
And I will know what is the matter.
Thus Iove continu'd raving at her.
Venus said nought, but thought the more,
And pouted at the stile of Whore.
[Page 17] Iove raging still more fierce and mad,
Well may we think not one was glad.
Twice, by the Alcoran he swore,
And bit his thumbs as oft, or more.
Pallas observing well this fit,
Forsakes the place where she doth sit,
Or lie, 'tis no great matter which;
It seems her fingers ends did itch
To be with Iove: so having bow'd,
Spoke words like these, (but not aloud)
Great Sir, whose anger is as fire,
Consuming such as feel your ire,
Be as a God, more prone to love
Then to destroy: Oh let me move
[Page 18]Your pitie; hearken unto me:
Those Cups which on the ground you see
Broke into fitters, and those Glasses,
Are all your own: but now what passes
On earth, which caus'd your Glasses fate,
I cannot to your Grace relate:
Thus much, your Glasses all are broke,
Too brittle to endure the stroke
Come from the Earths side; likewise they
That did the fact are fled away.
Quoth Iove, (& frowning, bit his tong)
The villain shall repent this wrong,
Could I but know him. Momus cry'd,
Surely you are all heavie ey'd;
[Page 19](And with that mirth he 's always in)
'Tis nothing but a blow with Pin.
Quoth angry Iupiter, Buffoon,
Leave fooling, or repent it soon:
Is this a time to carp and jest,
When Mortals dare the Gods molest?
If you'd have heels be kept from fetters,
Be mute in presence of your betters▪
No more of that; but now I'll know
What mortal there can be below,
Durst in this manner break my rest,
Or hatch such treason in his brest?
Are not the heavens Ninepin-proof?
I swear by Pegasus his hoof,
[Page 20]I'll be reveng'd of Pins and Bowl.
Quoth Pallas, Sir, upon my soul
There's not a Glass left whole: Mon Dieu,
The Gods themselves must drink in shoe.
Thus each day does create new pranks;
Mortals (for mirth) deserve our thanks.
The thanks return'd shall as Rue (bitter)
Be unto all, quoth Iupiter:
If straight I put not Rods in piss
For them, they will do worse then this:
By Pluto, my revenge shall flie
(As th' injury, and I am) high.
As Iove was venting thus his spleen,
Sol enters with his wearied Teem,
[Page 21]And hearing Iove make such a clatter,
Said to the next, Pray what's the matter?
Straight did Silenus tell him what
Befel them all, and what had not.
Says Sol to Iove, I'll tell you, Sir,
For I saw all that caus'd this stir.
Be brief, quoth Iove, (and omit nothing)
Because prolixity is loathing.
Sol having briefly laid the state
Of dreadful Typhons acts of late;
Quoth Iove, A word to th'wise: now stay,
I will that straight, without delay,
God Mercury descend to th' earth;
His message 'tis must spoil their mirth:
[Page 22]Let him shew Typhon his mistake,
Who thinks of Iove an Ass to make;
Tell him, his Gyant-like retinue,
Nor all the stock of their Revenue,
Shall hinder justice: they shall know,
Whether 'tis I, am Iove or no.
Be sure you do your Message well,
In State and Order; to them tell
Their own. Mercury having heard
The Embassie, he stroakt his beard,
(Or Chin in lieu) saluted hand,
And scrap'd a leg: I understand
(Quoth he) my duty, and the strife.
With that he 'gins to handle Knife,
[Page 23]Or Sword, which girting on his side,
Doth next his Snakie Staff provide:
Slips on his winged shooes, on's head
He clapt his feather'd Cap, and fled
As fast as wings could bear him down,
O'er River, Citie, Wood and Town.
At last he came unto the place
Where Typhon and his Gyant-race
(Some standing, others sate on Crup
Were just providing for their Supper:
Of what that Supper did consist,
See here a true and perfect List.
An hundred lustie Oxen slain,
Which they had stole by might and main
[Page 24]From Herds-men; Sheep some four times more,
Got by the means as said before,
Which Cacus a notorious knave,
Had stole by night, and hid in Cave:
'Twas he that thought he once could beat
(And fought with) Hercules the Great;
But lost his Kingdom, and at length
His life, by Hercules his strength.
This Cacus did in Carthage raign;
At length in Italy was slain.
There leave we him, and fall to Mutton,
As good as ever knife was put on.
Their Sheep they roasted whole on Trees,
In stead of Spits, and that with ease:
[Page 25]Trees that for length, & strength, & barks,
Bore Sheep as little Spits do Larks.
The rank beneath was less; the last,
About the smalness of a Mast.
Their fire a Forest was, which they
Design'd before for that same day.
They thus prepar'd, in came the God,
Who crying, Humh! and giving nod,
Began his brief and formal story,
And they to round him tory-rory.
Quoth one of them, Whoop holiday!
'Tis very true, what do you say?
Then quoth another, with disdain,
The God is out, begin again.
[Page 26]I tell you once more, that great Iove
(Quoth Mercury) who rules above,
Has sent me here, to let you know
He rules (as well as there) below;
And were you bigger then you are
Ten times, yet he is higher far:
Your men are Rogues, & women Whores,
And he's resolv'd to pay your scores:
His threats are chiefly to you, Typhon,
For having lewdly spun your life on,
He sendeth word you are a Knave,
A Thief, a Cheat, a Rascal, Slave;
And does command that straight you go
And buy him Glasses: doing so,
[Page 27]If they be Venice, number cent,
His choler may no farther vent.
Then, with acknowledgement of blame,
Present to Iupiter the same;
And let him (with submission) know,
'Tis your request to kiss his toe:
Be ready too, without a halt,
To cry Peccavi for your fault:
Then if you adde, 'Tis past and gone,
And never shall the like be done;
This contest may not onely end,
But Iupiter will be your friend.
The Gyants hearing this discourse,
With stomacks big as that of horse
[Page 28]Began with scorn to laugh and scoff.
The God in studie to get off,
As being fearful. Typhon then:
Though you are Gods, and we but Men,
(Quoth he) yet know, for I'll be plain,
If you a quarrel will maintain,
And that with neither fear nor wit;
Tell Iove, I hold no answer fit,
But this: We will not purchase Glasses
For him, nor his celestial Asses:
Let him send Ganimed, that elf,
Or take the pains to go himself.
The nimble God before in plight,
Was now enraged at this slight;
[Page 29]In milde expressions gave a threat,
But durst not any more repeat:
For Gyants valu'd Gods no more
Then Swine do Pearl, or costly Ore.
But Mercury, more knave then fool,
Put up (as Proverb saith) his Tool;
And instantly he took his flight,
Till gotten clearly out of sight.
We'll now suppose h'as reacht his home,
And unto Iupiter is come:
For he had flown with greater speed
Then I can write, or you can read.
The Gods themselves that hourly move
In highest orbs, can drink and love;
[Page 30]And so did Iove, who scorn'd to shrink,
Whilst heart to love, or mouth to drink:
He drank so much that very day,
That all his Sense was fled away;
And Mercury concealed Tale,
Till Iove had slept away his Ale.

CANTO II.

The ARGUMENT.
The nimble God from heaven sent
Returns with Gyants Complement:
At which the Gods begin to tremble,
And straight a Parliament assemble;
Who for preventing future harms,
Consult on manner of their Arms:
Debating long, it is decreed
That Vulcan fall to work with speed.
JVpiter's Mistress, red as Rose,
Was dropping dew from eyes or nose;
'Tis all a case: for drops are drops,
Come they from eyes, or nose, or chops.
[Page 32]Her grief occasion'd by a fly-blow,
Yclep'd by knowing ones, a by-blow:
Calisto 'twas, Diana's Maid,
Whom Iupiter to lust betraid.
Gods are (like mortals) dull & stupid,
When once they're subject unto Cupid:
If there's brutality in Men,
Or Gods, it must be chiefly then.
Yet strange to think, the Gods should do
What Men abhor, and blush at too:
But Gods and Men in folly move,
When captiv'd by the power of love.
When Mercury arose from sleep,
'Twas then he saw Calisto weep.
[Page 33]Have you not in a Chimney seen
A sullen Faggot moist and green;
How slowly it admits of heat,
And does not onely weep, but sweat?
So fares an unexperienc'd Virgin,
When Iupiter himself is urging:
But dry-wood-like, the practick Dame
Cracks, and rejoyces at the flame.
Quoth Mercury, If thus you grieve,
I must do so, or must not live:
O let me know your cause of sorrow.
But rising up, quoth she, Good-morrow.
So parted Mercury and her.
At length he came to Iupiter,
[Page 34]Right early, for avoiding blame;
And him he found in bed with Dame,
Who being sensible of wrong
She had receiv'd, was using tongue:
For Iupiter had often stunk
With drink, when home returning drunk:
Her help still nothing but condoling,
Whilst he abroad was Caterwoling:
For this same little fault he had,
Sometimes he would a Whoring gad;
In other matters none more civil,
(For there are dues belong to devil)
And to speak truth, no equal there is
To him in Lombardy or Paris;
[Page 35]Nor can the like of him be found
All over the Vtopian ground.
God Mercury was loth to venter
At first, but by and by did enter,
Just as he heard the Goddess say,
What shall that Maiden do, I pray?
What mad-man do you think will take her
Now you have plow'd upon her Acre?
Iove seeing Mercury appear,
As one most glad to see him there,
Without his Slippers or his Hose,
To rise he does himself dispose;
And straightway gives the God command
To let him clearly understand
[Page 36]The cause o'th'late and sudden action,
What Typhon says for satisfaction;
Or if the mortals dar'd to own
Th'abuses they of late had done.
(Great Iove) quoth Mercury, I'll tell
What during my abode befel
Since I descended from the skie,
(And hang me if I tell a lie)
Though 'twas my study to dehort all,
They cry'd, The Gods like us are mortal:
And if in strength did lie the odds,
Then they themselves would all be Gods.
Quoth they, This carry to your Iove;
Nor threats, nor he himself shall move
[Page 37]Us to excuse whatever Fate
By our directions did of late.
Then howl'd they as if they were mad:
I fearing their intentions bad,
And that in this their dreadful ire
They'd synge my wings with flames of fire,
Did sneak away. They seeing that,
Cry'd out, Halloo, a Rat, a Rat;
Hold him there. I, in this sad plight,
Had almost lost my ears and sight:
For, what with smoak of fire, and noise,
I hardly saw, or heard I voice
But what was most confus'd: I'm sure,
I understand thus much, endure
[Page 38]Such an affront? 'tis leud and base;
We'll geld the rogue upon the place.
At this their rudeness, wonder not
If by agility I got
Away. Here Iove commanded son
Forbear: Enough, quoth he, ha' don:
Go, get your breakfast, then in haste
Summon the Gods; let no time waste:
Be diligent to let them know
I'd have their counsels 'gainst the foe.
Iove wisely thought few words were best,
Kept his intentions in his brest;
Onely he frown'd, and then he swore;
Said little, though he thought the more.
[Page 39] Typhon the while, we may agree,
Did swear and rant as fast as he:
This news report did straight afford,
Typhon would come with fire and sword,
With him the stout Encelades,
With divers others great as these.
That Gyant Mimas fierce and proud,
Stood up, and spake his thoughts aloud;
He curs'd the Gods, and in his tale
Said much, that did as much prevail
With Typhon's humour: quoth he, Now
We all must make a solemn Vow
To be reveng'd of this same Iove,
That threatens Thunder from above:
[Page 40]Be you as me, and I as you,
We'll finde him work enough to do.
What if he doth somtimes with Thunder
Rend Steeples, Tow'rs, & Rocks asunder?
Cannot we do the same, or can
He that which can't be done by man?
If we unite, by strength of arm,
Our valour shall outdo a Charm.
Couragious friends, what need we fear?
I'll pluck him from his stately Chayr
By th'beard, and thereby hurl him round,
Until his length upon the ground
Be measur'd: then I'll set in flames
His Starry house, and make his Dames
[Page 41]Or Goddesses from that time prove
The strength of me, and fate of Iove:
Nay, Venus, Pallas, Iuno proud,
I'll get with bearn in softest cloud.
What if the Titans they did rout?
'Twas not because the Gods were stout;
It was a pannick fear possest
The Titans; they in thought possest,
At first gave way, anon they run:
So by their folly were undone:
From thence we must derive the date
Of Star-cross Tytan's rigid fate:
A meer Goat-skin affrighted so,
They ran without or stroak or blow,
[Page 42]As if they met (as people say)
Not to engage, but run away.
Those of them that appeared stout,
Were forc'd to do as did the rout;
And good shift too, for by Orlando,
A man can do but what he can do.
But we'll be like our selves: now see
Which of you all will follow me:
For he that dares in field to die,
Does in the bed of Honour lie:
Nor can those Heroes once be dead,
But sleep, when laid in Honours bed.
Typhon with gladness hearing this,
Said to the rest, It were amiss
[Page 43]Long to defer their punishment.
Quoth Mimas then, By your consent
Let us all laugh, rant, tear the ground,
So loud, that they may hear the sound
On high, the place where they reside;
The noise will somwhat quell their pride:
A Match, then cry'd Porphyrion,
Who soon was answer'd by Thoon.
This Thoon was of Trojan birth,
And by Vlysses kill'd to earth.
Then joyntly they began to Hollow;
The chief among them were as follow:
Great Ephialtes, Neptune's son,
He who the attribute had won
[Page 44]Of Gyant huge, for strength and hew;
For he nine inches monthly grew:
Iapet, Pelor, Celadon,
Athos, Damasor, Gration,
Cycaon, Clytius, Echion,
Pollibotes, Laomedon,
Pallenus, and Alcyoneus,
Almops, Cynus, and Besbeus,
Briareus, Ceractus, and Clius,
Anteus, Ascus, Titius,
Numantia, Gyas, Bergion,
Pallas, Lapetus, and Albion,
Lyncus, Buricus, Coeus,
Argyropes, and Aloeus,
[Page 45] Euritus, Agrius; with these,
The King of Thrace, Diomedes:
They all at once did howl and roar,
Made thousand antick tricks and more;
And on a sudden they did bawl,
A Typhon, Typhon, one and all.
Whilst thus they did conspire below,
Iove in the clouds ran to and fro,
Banning and cursing Carman-like,
Commands that neither Gun, nor Pike,
Sword, Halbert, Headpiece, Back or Brest,
Be wanting in each quarter; rest
Abandons: thus he threatens wonders,
Which shortly he'd perform by Thunders;
[Page 46]Commandeth Mercury prepare
Some Exhalations fine and rare;
Use skill and art, but no remorse;
Get them by fair means or by force.
The speedy God in haste did run,
And told his Message to the Sun;
Who answer'd, he had no such trash
But what required ready Cash.
The little God assur'd him then,
If trust, he should be paid agen.
At length quoth Sol, Come, let me see,
I seldom deal with friends like thee:
Tell Iove, I'll furnish him with store;
And if he wants, he shall have more.
[Page 47] Mercury breaking air in haste,
Soon reacht his place forsaken last;
There found he all the Gods assembled,
Some stunk for fear, and others trembled
(At these fell Gyants impudence)
A third sort had nor wit nor sense.
As soon as Mercury they spy'd,
Before, behinde, on every side
They flockt about him, to enquire
What arms, what men, and what attire
The Gyants us'd against their foes.
Quoth Mercucy, There's none but knows
As much as I: for can you think
That I, that forced was to wink
[Page 48]That little time I tarry'd there,
Could learn so much as one affair
Of what you have so lately spoke?
But I presume they fight with smoke:
For I so thorowly was fill'd
With fumes, that fearing to be kill'd,
I gladly scap'd away. The Gods,
By sighs, by symptoms, and by nods,
Exprest their careful zeal: for when
Gyants are more then meerly men,
And threaten to do more then elves,
The Gods should seem above themselves.
Now by unanimous consent,
They straightway call'd a Parliament.
[Page 49]Down do they all in order sit,
(Not by their Honestie or Wit,
But) as in Honour they excel,
Their method was exactly well.
As for Example, God of Seas
Took place of him was God of Pease
Or Gardens; and the God of Wine
Preceded this, be'ng of the Line
And Royal Bloud of mighty Iove,
(Reasons strong enough to move)
To them came Iupiter, with Crown
On's head, on back Skie-colour'd Gown,
With Cupid bearing up his Train,
For fear of rents, or spots, or stain;
[Page 50]Neatly comb'd and curl'd his hair;
In's hand a Thunder-bolt he bare,
But not so big as them he throws
From high, t'exteminate his foes:
It was a Pocket-Thunderbolt,
Scarce big enough to kill a Colt
Not three days old; onely to shew
What Iupiter had pow'r to do:
And some there are which do presume
'Twas fill'd & stuff'd with sweet Perfume.
Next unto him, with visage milde,
Old Time came creeping as a childe;
Weary'd, upon his Sythe he leant,
With coming thither almost spent:
[Page 51]He plac'd himself within a Chayr
Next his own son, that he might hear
The better. Age had struck him blinde,
Or deaf, the truth I cannot finde.
Nor is 't material. Pallas then,
(Who something knew belong'd to men)
At first sate down; but lifting breech
From seat, she thus deliver'd speech:
Ye Gods, we're here together met;
What then remains, but that we set
In Council how to manage Wars
With Gyants that occasion Jars?
Thus said, the Hector Mars stood up,
(And he it seems had got a Cup
[Page 52]Too much) he ratled Oaths so loud,
They crackt like Thunder in a cloud:
Quoth he, Away with all this noise;
I'll bring you Typhon and his boys
My self: the Gods would honour those
Too much, should they appear as foes:
Their weapons and themselves I scorn;
Who dares not die, should not be born.
Quoth Iove, By all the Gods of Greece,
I'll make that Rascal hold his peace:
Thou Flash, 'twas Neptune's turn to speak.
Mars hearing this, began to sneak;
Sat down as quiet as a Lamb,
But in his heart did curse and damn.
[Page 53] Iove's brother having hauk'd and hum'd
I mean old Neptune cold and num'd,
And having spit a pool of Fleam,
That stuck in's throat, & spoil'd his theam
When put off hat, and made a bow,
He would have spoke, but knew not how
The Gods, that like himself were sage,
However, did respect his age,
Advis'd him cover head with hat,
For fear of cold: so down he sat,
Adjudging it more meet to sit,
Then standing up to cough and spit
Among the Gods, who not a few,
Were thereby almost like to spew.
[Page 54]Then Bacchus who was sitting by,
And laughing till he seem'd to cry,
Took Handkerchief, and wiping eyes,
Impos'd a silence in the skies:
But having drank his mornings dose,
Quoth he, In spight of Typhon's nose,
I'll an Imbargo lay on Wine;
Nor shall it be consum'd by Swine:
For such these Gyants are; if then
They want good Wine, like other men
They will appear; they're now the high'r
By help of Grape that does inspire.
The Gods themselves are but as Specter,
(So Men) if not refresht by Nectar.
[Page 55]If they continue drinking Wine,
Or feed upon Westphalia-swine,
Mushrooms, Shallots, Anchoves, and
The chiefest dainties of the Land:
So long as they shall have no lack
Of Sherry, Malago, and Sack;
They'll drink until they are as drunk
As they that fight for Madam Punk:
They'l call us rogues, & whores & Panders,
And those are excellent Maeanders
Wherein (if Gyants are not watcht,
The Gods may suddenly be catcht.
Thus Bacchus having gravely spoke,
Momus, that even then awoke,
[Page 56](For he before had slept) stood up,
Quoth he, Give Bacchus t'other cup:
He that speaks sense deserves to drink;
Fill him some Nectar to the brink:
He spake sense now, but drank before;
Give him some drink, he'll utter more:
It should be (Ganimede) your part
To be provided with a Quart
For whoso wants. Thus went he on,
Till Iove cry'd out, No more, ha' done,
You carping Knave; or if you'll not,
I'll mince you small as herbs in pot:
Or if you drop a word i' th' way,
When any here hath ought to say:
[Page 57]This is no more a place for laughing,
Then for untimely talk, or quaffing.
For all these checks, you may believe
The Knave laught at him in his sleeve.
Then quoth Salasia, Neptune's wife,
This Momus does delight in strife.
More she'd have said, when Vulcan came
Limping to Iove, (for he was lame)
And Blacksmith-like, without a Band,
By'r leave, quoth he, with Cap in hand:
Great Sir, I judge we ought to shew
What dutie you may claim as due:
Yet if you have your eye or ear
From Momus, he doth laugh and jear.
[Page 58]Then Iupiter I know it well,
He's such another fiend of hell:
Nor he, nor any of his Race,
Were ever worth a Fiddle-case.
But 'tis no matter: pray retire,
And tell us, thou great God of Fire,
The means to quell these Gyant-dogs.
Let me alone to forge out Clogs,
Quoth Vulcan: but I'll tell you, Sirs,
The best defence against the Curs
Is to bar up your windows all
With iron Grates, and raise your wall:
I'll forge them out so strong, you'll say,
The workman merits double pay:
[Page 59]They shall defend with so much ease,
Heav'n needs no other bars then these.
The thing requires some haste, I trow;
Straight to my Cyclops will I go,
And cause them beat with strength of arm
Bars to protect the Gods from harm.
So fare you well. 'Twas Momus now,
That next with tongue began to plow:
For 'tis to him as Cash and Diet
To talk, and poison to be quiet.
Quoth he, 'Tis foolish; Gyants are
So tall, they'll reach to iron bar,
There fix a hold, by that means get
Perhaps to place where now we sit:
[Page 60]For if they once get hold of Grate,
They'll quickly burst a room for pate;
And if the head does enter hollow,
The body certainly will follow:
Now let them use their utmost skill,
They can't get in, so hugely ill
Their holding is; for Gyant proud
Has nothing to embrace but cloud.
Quoth Iupiter, I pray give o'er,
We have consider'd this before:
What you say we'll prevent with Guard
Shall watch from time the Gods are barr'd;
And they conclude it must be Iron
That shall the Deities environ.
[Page 61]Thus having said, they all agree
To stand or fall by Iove's decree.
By this time night came on, and they
Adjourn'd to th' next approaching day:
For sitting all this while on Crupper,
From morning till the time of Supper,
They weary'd were; but now they come
As fast as legs could carry bum:
One party takes his way to Tavern,
Others dispose themselves for Cavern;
But he that made himself a guest,
However hasted to his rest.

CANTO III.

The ARGUMENT.
The Gyants give the first Alarm
With ill success▪ again they arm,
Renew a second time the fight
With like success, are put to flight.
Back they return, and gain the odds;
They rout, and they pursue the Gods,
Who cunningly do vary shape
In Wood, the better to escape.
THe news of Gyants war is hot:
Some say they'l fight, & some say not:
But Gods and Gyants do intend
By War to seek each others end.
[Page 63]The Gyants think it better far,
Then be as meerly Gyants are:
For if of Iove they gain the odds
By conquest, they shall all be Gods.
Iove likewise summons Exhalations,
With other warlike preparations:
With these (as in a trice) he tries
To plant defences for the skies.
The Gyants being told by Scout,
(For such went hourly in and out)
They silently without bravado,
Consult to stop the Barricado.
For things of such a nature sprung,
Want action rather then a tongue.
[Page 64]So having labour'd all that night,
Without or noise, or use of light,
Encelades the Gyant bold
At first attempt almost got hold
Of window small, & thought with chains
To make a bridge should answer pains,
By which according to his will,
With ease he'd tumble hill on hill.
Now by great chance, as Iove would ha't,
He having got a worm in pate,
While other of the Gods were sleeping,
Had near-hand dearly paid for peeping:
For standing high upon a Cricket,
With hand he open'd heaven-Wicket;
[Page 65] Encelades began to run:
Ods waouns, quoth Iove, we're all undone.
Both were amaz'd; but Gyant pist
A mighty river ere he list
Look back: then seeing Iove to nod;
Let Iove be ne'er so much a God,
Quoth he, I'll to him, and relate,
As Prophet, his prodigious fate.
But Iove was not so much a fool,
To stay when Gyant put up tool:
For you may think, 'twould stir his bloud
To see the Gyant piss a floud,
And then return with courage new.
Iove knowing better what to do,
[Page 66]Wisely clapt to the Wicket, and
Cry'd to the Gyant, Prethee stand,
And cool thy heels. With this his voice
Iuno awoke, and hearing noise,
Came running: she for haste had spread
An old blue Apron on her head;
And on her breech, in stead of coat,
A thredbare Cloak not worth a groat:
'Twas Gammed's; but I shall spare
To shew its cause of being there.
Iuno through cranny did espy
Encelades was standing by;
And judging fit, (as she had reason)
Extended mouth to utter Treason;
[Page 67]And she was not of chops so small,
But that she could full loudly baul.
Two of the Gods with sword in hand
Rusht headlong in: the one cry'd, Stand.
Iove mean while keeps a heavie pother:
Some Powder here, the rogues to smother;
My Thunder-bolt, my Match, my Flask:
Now come, you dogs, I'll set a task,
Quoth he; and instantly doth catch
Up Powder, Thunder-bolt, and Match:
No noise, quoth he, of Pipe and Drum;
Finger on nose, and crying Mum:
He fits his tackling; then quoth he,
What Iove can do, you straight shall see:
[Page 68]With that, unto the window goes,
Opes it, and stands upon his toes,
Thunder in hand, and strutting now,
As in the gutter does the Crow.
But Fate had almost done its worst:
For whenas Iupiter did burst
The Wicket open second time,
Encelades did upward climb;
For he had piled stones below,
Whereon he stood: and it was now,
As soon as Iove had gotten thither,
Encelades with quill or feather
So brusht the God upon the eye,
That he cry'd out, I die, I die:
[Page 69]For you may note, the quill was big,
Or Iove would not have car'd a fig:
Besides, with stroak, upon the ground
Was cast, and thereby fear'd a wound:
But as it hapt, the greatest hurt
Was onely that he fell in durt.
Iove was no sooner on his back,
But all the rest amazed pack:
'Twas wisdom to secure their lives,
(And they must go, the devil drives.)
Iove seeing all were fled away,
Got up, and ran as fast as they:
And well he scap'd; for what says Pluck?
The greater Knave, the better luck.
[Page 70]The Wicket was (it seems) so small,
That Gyant had no room to crawl:
Which Iove perceived (being gone)
As far as we may cast a stone:
And if from thence he had not seen
Encelades to stick between,
As Ram that is trappan'd in thicket,
Iove never had return'd to Wicket:
For at that time, one silly elf
Might beat a God or two himself,
Their fear amaz'd them so. But when
Great Iove returned back agen,
Encelades the Gyant saw
'Twas time and wisdom to withdraw;
[Page 71]And so he did, with much ado:
But Lord, the rubbish that they threw
On's head, when he was gotten down!
And after they had Piss-pots thrown,
Went heaps of stones to further slaughter,
And Kettles too of scalding water.
This made the Gyant quit his place
To Mimas, one of Loobie-race,
Who loving mischief with his heart,
Most ready was to take his part:
And th'other Gods on noise of summon,
Forsaking beds, in clusters come on;
Some so possest with Leaden sleep
And terrour, that they seem'd to peep
[Page 72]Through the thin curtains of their eyes.
Immediately the Gods advise:
The number now grown great, 'twas hard
You'll say, if Iove should want a guard;
Nor did he: for when Gyant rascal
Came, quoth Iove, My friends, I ask all,
Will ye agree to fight? for why?
You have your choice, or fight, or die:
My resolution is to force on,
Beyond the angry strength of Orson:
But they as Gods made this resolve,
Whatever dangers do involve,
We'll follow thee; nor will we spare
In thy behalf to do and dare.
[Page 73]With that, Iove taking heart-a-grace,
Pluckt Thunderbolt from out of case,
And having prim'd and cookt the same,
Now then, quoth he, begins the game.
By this time Mimas (almost enter'd)
Surprized Iove, who forthwith ventur'd,
Discharging of his Thunder-gun,
(The biggest ever seen by Sun.)
No sooner had the Powder took,
But instantly a mighty nook
From Gyant Mimas monstrous snout
Flew off; which grieved him, no doubt.
But hold, methinks I hear it sed,
Could Gyant Mimas get in head
[Page 74]And body too, when as the other
Could not, with all his art and pother?
For information, you may conster
Encelades the greater Monster:
I have consulted those that know,
And have maintain'd it with a Vow,
Mimas was much the lesser man,
By furlongs three, and half a span.
When Mimas did perceive his treat,
He fear'd his dangers might be great:
As Proverb saith, his judgement saw,
Necessity has little Law.
Out did he get mroe fast then in:
'Tis true, he left behinde his chin;
[Page 75]What then? 'tis better when in strife,
To lose a chin, then forfeit life.
'Twas now, when Gods perceived this,
That they unanimously hiss;
Call'd Gyant coward, frown'd, and strut,
As Cocks o'th' game within a Hut:
Their uproar was so hugely lowd,
That other Deities do crowd;
From divers parts they're seen to run,
This with a Pitchfork, that with Gun,
Another with a Spit, a fourth
Perhaps with weapon lesser worth:
For when they heard the noise command,
Each seiz'd on what came next to hand.
[Page 76]The jolly troop in this disguise
Marcht on, commanded by the wise
And skilful Pallas: never troop
More like to make the Gyants stoop.
Iove having spied this recruit,
Quoth he, Let's follow in pursuit;
And crying, All's our own, my boys;
Lay down (continu'd he) these toys▪
Take each of you a well-made sword,
'Twill serve the turn, I'll pass my word.
With that, Iove on his Eagle strides;
Swift as the Bird could move, he rides
After the Rebels, at which time
Each God does to the window climb,
[Page 77]Ambitious in their heat of love,
Which should be neerest unto Iove.
Thus they press on, the Gyants run;
The Gods would fight, the Gyants shun;
The Gods pursue, the Gyants flie;
The Gods prevail, and Gyants die.
But as some wiser are then some,
Iove order gave, that sound of Drum
Should rally forces; thinking fit,
That being weary'd, they should sit
And breathe a while. At which God Mars
Incensed, cry'd, If us'd to Wars,
Or knew of Victory the gain,
You'd surely blush when you complain:
[Page 78]Not to pursue them and their fate,
May make our selves unfortunate:
Let's on; for having won the field,
Not to persist, is half to yield:
And how can we our prize maintain,
Unless we do augment our gain?
Ods nigs, see how the raskals sneak.
Silence, quoth Iove, that I may speak:
You see them there; I'll lay my life,
Ere it be night I'll end the strife
My self: however, follow me;
Keep close, and you'll the better see:
Although the Sun is scorching hot,
And I both Powder want and Shot,
[Page 79]I will so cool the rebels courage,
You shall have room enough to forrage:
They boast they'll rob us of our lives,
Plunder our wealth, enjoy our wives;
Now may they come, if they think good:
I feel a fire within my bloud,
Which must be quencht. The Gyants now
Rally afresh in Battel-row:
Encelades appear'd i'th' front:
Quoth angry Mars, Now fie upon't,
Delays are dangerous; I'll go,
And fight, before they rally so.
Great Mars he had no sooner done,
But spy'd Encelades to run,
[Page 80]As if he did intend to say,
I am in haste to win the day.
Mars does prepare to entertain
This Gyant and his Bumkin-train:
They meet; but that is not so strange,
As were the blows that they exchange:
They hack and hew behinde, before,
Till both were little else but gore.
Encelades the Monster bold
Was almost spent, when Mars cry'd, Hold:
So both contended for the field,
And either willing was to yield:
At last quoth Mars, If you or I
Should now in this encounter die,
[Page 81]'Twere ill: whose valour does persever,
Deservedly should live for ever.
With that, both being weary grown,
They stop, and cast their weapons down;
Salute each other, and retire,
Not to engage, but to admire:
For there were others that could fight,
Gods and Gyants too of might;
Blows freely fell on either side;
Here lay a broken scull, a hide
Lies there, in third place leg or arm:
Deities were no more a Charm
'Gainst Gyants, then the others oddes
In stature was against the Gods.
[Page 82]But Oh the dreadful noise was made
With Thunder, Powder, Flask and Blade!
Pan from the Sea had borrow'd shell,
Whose sound was loud as that of bell
When struck upon. Nor was Iove heard
To thunder when he syng'd the beard
Of Gyant Mimas, who was struck
Not long before, and cursing luck,
As he upon the ground did lie,
It fortun'd that he cast his eye
(As it took liberty to wander)
On Pallas, son to great Evander.
This Pallas did so far engage
Among the Gods, that they in rage
[Page 83]Surrounded him; but Mimas rose,
And with such courage dealt his blows,
That he at once brought Pallas off,
And on the Gods revenged scoff
Which Iove did to him, when by thunder
He parted chin and chaps asunder:
At which disaster, boyling hot
His bloud was waxt, and he had got
In's hand an implement of War,
By some ycleped Iron Bar;
With this, God Mercury he strook,
That down he fell; and then he took
The rising blow with such a force,
Grim death it self was little worse.
[Page 84]Just now the Goddess Pallas came;
(For there were two that bore the name)
She with the weapon that is common
With Goddess as it is with Woman,
Exclaim'd on Gyant: he to reach
The full proportion of her breech,
Erected lofty foot so high,
That down he fell: there let him lie.
For Bacchus some had called bastard,
Enflam'd beyond the rage of dastard,
In did he rush, and made such pother,
That Gyants fell on one another.
Some that were present did divine
His valour did proceed from Wine:
[Page 85]Howe'er it was, he did excel
All but those few that did as well.
Silenus drunk as David's Sow,
Spurring his ass on, cry'd, Now, now;
Ride over Mimas there in blood:
But that did him more harm then good;
For Mimas who was laid to rest,
Rose up, and seiz'd upon the beast:
Then to Silenus said, I gather
You should be that same Bacchus's father:
With that, he smote him on the head,
That down he fell ('twas thought) for dead.
But wonders now I mean to tell;
For thus to Gyants it befel:
[Page 86]Whilst all the Warriors were in fight,
Each studious to declare his might,
The silly Ass began to bray,
And Gyants fairly ran away:
For they not us'd unto the sound,
First swore, then swiftly quit the ground:
The Gods pursue with might and main,
But all their haste and speed was vain;
For what with fighting, and the toyl
Of thus pursuing after spoil,
Weary'd, they do conclude it fit
On grass or somwhat else to sit.
No sooner were they seated than
A Foot-man came, and thus began:
[Page 87]By'r leave; I from old Saturn come,
To tell you he has learn'd in Rome
Some while since of a Cunning man
Gyants shall still survive; nor can
The Gods prevent it, (this you'll finde,
Or else say he's a Prophet blinde)
Until by search somewhere on earth,
You finde a Knight of humane birth,
Got on a mortal, by the seed
Of one that's of immortal breed.
Besides, he bade me tell you more,
One Proteus said as much before;
And this same fellow knew his art
So well, he'd instantly impart
[Page 88]A secret, whether wise or silly,
Soon, or as learnedly as Lilly.
As for Example, thus it was;
Base thief one morning stole from Lass
A Bodkin and a Silver-Spoon:
The man was took, and hang'd by noon;
But all was by his art: for he
Discover'd where the thief could be.
Dixi, quoth Footman: Iove with that
Commanded he should don his hat,
And rest himself, whilst he doth muse,
Reflexions making on the news:
They Bacchus and Minerva call,
Old Neptune, Mercury, and all
[Page 89]The Gods that then were nigh at hand:
Quoth Iove, You are to understand—
Then he began the tale again;
And leaning o'er the Asses Main,
Quoth he, Let's think what must be done.
Pallas reply'd, You have a son
Nam'd Hercules; 'tis fit you dub
Him Knight of the Majestick Club;
And in requital, he alone
Will slay the Rascals. Ev'ry one,
By voice, or holding up of paws,
Gave Pallas her deserv'd applause:
Some cry, Defer no longer, send;
Others, Our time too fast does spend;
[Page 90]And we may finde, perhaps too late,
The danger to procrastinate:
Send Mercury. But Iove forbad;
He'd rather send the Irish Lad
That brought the news but now. With that
The nimble Tory dofft his hat,
Which shew'd his readiness, to Iove,
Who promis'd to requite his love.
The Lad rejoycing be was sent,
Drank onely Usquebah, and went.
No sooner was the Footman gone,
(The Gods carousing) but anon
In haste returns a careful Spie,
Cries, Arms, the Gyants drawing nigh:
[Page 91]The routed ones that ran so fast
Before, met Typhon: he at last
Perswaded them to face about,
With promise of a total rout
To all your Godships. Then quoth Iove,
You talk of routing, pray for Love-
Sake, tell me what 'twas made them run.
Silenus's ass (Sir) sure as Gun,
(Quoth Bacchus) with his noise did fright
Philistins fierce from heat of fight.
Iove then reply'd, He merits much;
Would we had many asses such:
I'd give a pound for mine own part.
If all of you did know the art;
[Page 92]Or if but one that might excel,
Could play the Ass but half so well.
Iove call'd Silenus then, cry'd, Hark,
Came he from Smithfield, or Hyde-park?
Silenus answer did extend,
'Twas sent as Token from a friend:
But if (great Iove) it be your will,
My Ass shall be your servant still.
Iove forc'd a smile at that: for yet
When laughing, he could not forget
Dangers that were so neer him; though
He thus discours'd, he thought of foe.
Then mad that's Gun did not suffize
The Gyants pride to civilize,
[Page 93]In dumps he sate, as if he'd got
A smack too much of Cup or Pot.
O' th' sudden now a fearful noise
Approacht: 'twas Typhon and his boys:
Which when the Gods perceive, they call,
Heavens have mercy on us all:
And well they might; for had you seen
The rabble with their swords so keen;
Big Gyant with his hundred heads,
And those how monstrously he spreads;
You surely would with me conclude,
Such foes were dreadful, fierce and rude.
By this time both the Armies meet,
And Typhon thus began to greet
[Page 94]The Gods: Where's he that does command
This Host? we'd have him understand,
We hold our selves agriev'd, and now
Bound to our selves by solemn Vow,
Resolve, before we part, to have
Or satisfaction, or a grave.
In's hand he held a stately Oak.
Iove, that he might prevent a stroak,
Well thinking 'twas no time to think,
Fills his great Thunder to the brink,
Then throws it at the Gyants head;
However, Typhon is not dead,
But eying Iove with scorn and smile,
Coughing and sneezing for a while,
[Page 95](Because some Powder, I suppose,
Had flown upon his face and nose.)
Thunder when from an angry cloud
In its extreams, was not so loud
As Gyants Oaths: he stampt and swore,
As if the Gods were to be tore
With words: then lifting mighty tree,
'Tis thus, base Iove, I'll answer thee,
Quoth Typhon; and with that he flew
As Furies may be thought to do.
God Mars, who boldly rusht on foes,
Receiv'd a fillip on the nose;
'Twas given by an angry Gyant,
(For why should I tell you a ly on't?)
[Page 96]And tumbled backwards on the ground
The God of Hectors in a swound.
This daunted all the other Gods:
The Victors do pursue their oddes.
Mars does revive and run: great Iove
On Eagles back began to move:
Minerva from the skirmish steals,
So light was she about the heels.
In one word, all the Gods did run,
As if the Devil upon Dun
Was at their posterns. But O curse,
Then evil luck what can be worse?
Whilst Iove with expedition flies,
The Bird slips from between his thighs:
[Page 97]Down drops great Iove upon the ground;
But as it hapt, scap't hurt or wound.
Typhon, whose sole delight was plunder,
(Commanding Gyants to a wonder)
Fell on the Booty and the Wine:
These Prizes now (quoth he) are mine.
Then resting after Chase and Slaughter,
Drank Wine in full bowls sine water:
Then with a stately step and stride,
Continues quest of Iove and Bride,
With all the rest o'th' wandring Gods,
Frighted as children are at rods;
They shelter seek in pathless Wood:
(That shift at need was hugely good)
[Page 98]For being there in place obscure,
A Metamorphosis in ure
They put; and (if it be no flam)
Iove chang'd himself into a Ram;
Dame Iuno lookt like any Cow,
And deigned to the grass to bow;
Neptune assum'd the shape of Hound;
Momus a Jack-a-napes was found;
Apollo wisely acts the Rook;
Bacchus a he-Goat; Vulcan crook-
Ed back and hips, a silly Calf;
Pan was a Rat more big by half
Then little Dog; and Venus Dame,
A lovely milk-white Goat became:
[Page 99]The warlike Mars chose for his share,
To be transform'd into a Hare:
His Valour sped so ill, 'twas meet
To learn the swiftness of the Feet:
Luna would not the Cat disdain,
Nor Mercury the form of Crane.
Thus Nature, that the Gods might scape,
Contented was to play the Ape.
Mean while the Gyants chafe and scout,
As Victors do when after Rout
They seek for prey: but Gyants finde,
Their sorrow is not far behinde;
For meeting with the Gods, they prove,
No foe more dreadful is then Iove.
[Page 100]So true is that which Stories tell;
Those that live ill, shall not die well.

CANTO IV.

The ARGUMENT.
The Gods bethink it base to range
In Woods, and now resolve to change
Their borrow'd shapes: at Nylus-banks
God Mercury performs his pranks:
They cloath themselves, to Memphis go;
The Priests and People kindness shew:
Great Hercules they send for, who
Attends them with no more ado.
IT was just now 'tween Dog and Bitch,
Or Hawk & Buzzard, (chuse you which)
The Gods adventur'd out of Wood:
For they behalves had understood
[Page 102]Of Gyants course; and each had thought
There was no danger to be caught:
For from the biggest to the least,
Each God was turn'd into a beast
Or bird; their hazard nothing so,
That they should stand in fear of foe.
Gyants, although they oft pass by,
Yet when a Ram or Goat they spie;
In this same place an Hound, an Ape,
A Cow, or beast of different shape;
In other place a Rat, of nature
(No matter which) for land or water;
They little dream'd that there should lie
In any beast a Deity.
[Page 103]For who is he, that as he pass,
Would once imagine Cow at grass
Should be a God? The Gyants run
With eagerness as they begun;
Beset and search the wood, then finde
There's nothing like a God; so blinde
Was Gyants apprehension. Then
The Gods that were secure from men
Or Gyants, do consult a while
In Council by the river Nyle;
When in conclusion they agree
To be as Gods were wont to be,
Each to shake off his present shape:
For since they clearly made escape,
[Page 104]Why should great Iove in danger go
Of injuring his feet or toe?
For what with gravel, slime, and mud,
(Which border'd on the neighbour floud)
Like sheep they forced are to slide,
Or else with bare-foot to abide
On stones: for Rams do never use
To clad their feet with Boots or Shooes;
Besides, so thick was Iove of Wooll,
He fum'd and sweat like any Bull
Whom angry dogs do put in fear.
And Madam Iuno, as I hear,
A thorn had got within her toe,
That did produce her mi [...]kle wo:
[Page 105]But 'twas not Iove's nor Iuno's grief
Alone; but being they were chief
O'th' company, I need not strain
To shew how all the Gods complain.
Iove thinking now 'twas time to speak,
Made an Oration in the Greek
To th' other Gods; and I thought good
(Because it should be understood)
To English it; and thus it follows:
My friends, we've now escap'd the gallows
(Thank Heaven for't) but what will say
Succeeding ages, that we stray
In these uncomely shapes? By this,
The Gods will all become a hiss
[Page 106]Or by-word: Gyants, if they know
My Iuno takes the form of Cow,
They'll make her subject of their laughter
To ages that shall be hereafter:
Or when a God is seen, they'll say,
Beware of horns, or Mutton, Ba.
'Tis better never to be born,
Then so to live the mock and scorn
Of ev'ry mortal. Iove (whose eyes
Were wet before) now plainly cries;
And I my self could almost borrow
From other subjects of my sorrow
A tear or two. But Natures course
By this time spent, Iove did with force
[Page 107]Proceed; and what he said were words
To this effect: Though sticks and swords
Are wanting, yet it would be worse,
Should we be subject to the force
Of Gyants: heaven thus contrives,
They sha'n't be masters of our lives:
We are not far from Memphis-town,
Let's enter ere the Sun goes down;
But first let Mercury make haste
To change his shape, now danger's past:
'Twere well if he a Cloak could steal,
(For being bare from head to heel)
'Twill be uncomely if he go
Stark naked from the top to toe.
[Page 108]When Mercury is clothed thus,
I'd have him get some cloathes for us.
The God most forward to reveal
The stock he had of love and zeal
For Iove, said nothing but Amen;
Great Iove, it shall be done. And then
No sooner said, but straight he flies
In shape of Crane, till he espies
Some Youngsters washing in a pool:
The Crane (so like a harmless fool)
Lights neer the cloathes, as almost tyr'd:
The youths beheld, and all admir'd:
A Crane! says one; let's make a match
Immediately the Crane to catch:
[Page 109]Done, says another. Thus they talk:
The Crane mean time does bend his walk
To th' cloathes, and by and by amain
Cast off his borrow'd shape of Crane.
So having done, he puts on dress.
All were amazed, you may guess,
Who saw this sudden transformation,
More strange then ever was in nation.
Mercury like a pretty lad,
With all their cloathes begins to gad.
The youths belike had learnt some Oaths;
So swore the devil had their cloaths:
But they all naked, knew not how
To follow him: nor did they know
[Page 110]What to imagine: but the God
Made so much haste, that straight he trod
To Usurer, and pawn'd a Pearl
Of Iuno's, or some other girl:
The owner of it was some Lass;
However, we may let that pass:
The Pearl it was of value such,
That he of Coyn procur'd as much
As bought up habits of the best,
For Iove, for Iuno, and the rest;
Then bought a lusty Mule to bear
Unto the Gods his purchas'd ware:
It was not long until he came,
Redeeming all the Gods from shame,
[Page 111]Each of them with an earnest motion,
Measures habit with proportion.
Mercury thus performing part;
When done, quoth he, I know a tart-
Wench lives hard by at signe of trumpet,
Perhaps you'll take her for a strumpet;
But be she what she will, 'tis meet
We visit her to drink and eat.
This course they all applaud as best;
And Mercury, that was her guest
Before, was order'd to repair
Unto her, to bespeak the fare.
Mercury flew, until he lit
Just at the door, and then 'twas fit
[Page 112]He close his wings, and walk: beside,
He walkt not half a dozen stride
Until he enters. Welcome, Sir,
The Tapster cries. Then answers Mer-
Cury, I would converse with Dame.
Quoth fellow, May I crave your name?
Then straight the Goodwife does appear:
Quoth she, I pray, good Sir, draw neer;
You're welcome. She was frying Tripe.
The God then call'd for Pot and Pipe:
Down do they sit: but Oh the bliss
Was then in ev'ry glance and kiss,
Whenas they talkt! for you may think,
Their hearts were filled to the brink
[Page 113]With joy: for Mercury was mannish;
Soon he dispatcht his Pipe of Spanish;
Then having in a Note set down
What diet could be had in Town,
The Maid was call'd, and Hostess sent her
To buy o' th' best: and now does enter
The rest o' th' Gods, a worthy troop;
By turns, they ev'ry one do stoop
To kiss the Hostess: Iove began;
Then Neptune, Bacchus, Mars and Pan,
And so the rest. When Iuno saw her,
In haste and anger calls the Drawer
To bring some Wine: for she did grutch
The goodwife should be buss'd so much,
[Page 114]And she her self had none. Quoth Pan,
Just now I to the Garden ran,
Where there are most delightful bow'rs,
And like for all the world to ours.
Oh me! quoth Iuno, let's go there;
I love to have the smell of air.
No sooner were they out, but all
The town came flocking, great and small,
To see the Troop: for they had heard
An Army came, and were afeard.
One cries, Alas, we shall be undon:
Another says, They're blades of London;
For that's a wilderness, we know,
Where many such tall Cedars grow.
[Page 115]Thus while they chat, a world appear:
In time, the Cat does lick her ear.
One bauls, What Gallants trow are these?
Another answers, Hold your peace;
They're Kings that usually are wont
In numbers brave (as these) to hunt.
Another whispers, How the Inne
Smells sweet as 'twere of Benjamin▪
The next more wisely gives a ghess,
They're Players. All of them express
Their thoughts: but som were apt to think
Players were not so full of Chink:
But others thwart them, saying then,
They're now the chiefest Gentlemen:
[Page 116]Are they not clad in Plush and Sattin?
And don't they sometimes visit Mattin?
Do they not strut with Muff and Sword;
Keep company with Knight and Lord?
Let me not now forget to tell
How Iove had sent where once did dwell
The great Alcides: he that went,
Was absent till eight days were spent.
About that time, Iove casting eye
From window, 'twas his chance to spie
Alcides: straight down stayrs he runs,
And clapping fist into his son's,
How dost, quoth he, my bonny Lad?
What, hast thou quite forgot thy Dad?
[Page 117]'Tis true, as ancient story goes,
That childe is wise, nown father knows.
Quoth Hercules, Oh, now I see
You are the same; I, you are he.
With that, the complements renew,
And each does render devil due.
Whilst they embrace, the other Gods
Were almost 'mongst themselves at oddes
Who first salutes Alcmena's son.
By this, Iove's complements were done:
With that, the Gods came all a-row
To honour great Amphytrio ▪
With tears in eyes they wept for joy,
Meerly for sight of Iove's great boy.
[Page 118]The strangers though the most were mutes
When they observed these salutes,
Flockt shrewdly: but when Iove they spi'd,
(Who now had re-assum'd his pride)
They great observance shew'd; for he
(All saw) was chiefest in degree.
But one amongst the rest, more bold
Then his companions, cry'd out, Hold;
Observ'd you him did just now nod?
(The devil take me) he's a God:
I know it by his garb and state,
By his deportment, and his gate;
His looks declare it: nay, (what's more)
I have been told as much before.
[Page 119]This News, as well as other things
As strange, immediately took wings;
So that in little space it came
To their High-priest, a man of fame;
Who hearing this, the truth to know,
Resolves with company to go
In person; and when there, to do
His duty, if report held true
That they were Gods: with him he brings
For presents, fine Cornelian Rings
Some thirty thousands; nineteen score
Of Crocodiles new come to shore:
Ichneumones, what beast is that?
Some do suppose it Pharaoh's Rat;
[Page 120]Of them threescore: Hippopotames,
Or a Sea-horse, the more known name is,
As tame as Pigeons; these a score:
Of Eel-skin-gloves some ten times more.
The high-priest come, the presents given,
The crowd o' th' people further driven,
Complements past on either part;
Iove seem'd content, and glad at heart:
The Priest makes offer of protection
Within his Land, with great affection:
Iove likewise does return him thanks,
With promise to protect his banks
From what doth usually harm;
He'd give them a preventing Charm
[Page 121]Against the strength of Creatures stature,
Or venom of depraved nature:
All this on free-cost. Mercury,
That present was, could even cry,
That Iove should not consider how
Through earth and air he us'd to plow
To serve the Gods both to and fro:
Yet Iove as much and more did know;
And for requital, bids him dance
Afresh perhaps as far as France.
Now Iove and Priest by this time sate
On breech, their stories to relate:
For being in an unknown clime,
Not knowing how to spend their time,
[Page 122]They will that each a passage tell
Of what had formerly befel.
When now it came to jocund Priest,
(Most ready to oblige the rest;
For he of all was much the lesser)
He story told of predecessor:
Silence he crav'd, and did prevail:
Then thus began

THE PARSONS TALE.

A crafty man in Country-town,
Had wife was of a comely brown,
And lov'd by neighbour-Parson, who
At vacant hours came there to woo.
[Page 123]The husband knowing Parson Fulpit
(Ycleped so) in fleshly Pulpit
Was wont to preach, casts how to catch
Them both; and thus contrives his watch.
Sweetheart, quoth he, my business says
I must go travel seven days.
Nay, quoth the wife, if so you do,
Why may not I go travel too?
Then, as was wont, came in the Parson;
Spies Chair and Cushion, sets his arse-on.
Quoth wife to Priest, My husband, Sir,
Is taking journey. I infer,
Then cry'd the Parson, he hath cause.
The husband after making pause,
[Page 124](Which shew'd he was in minde perplext,
That Priest should chuse his wife for text)
He doth befit himself with speed;
Gives kiss to wife, and mounts his steed.
The Parson then, and wife, by joynt
Consent, begin to handle point;
Thought of a Chamber, went into't,
As best befitting close dispute:
What were the arguments befel,
I make no doubt but you can tell.
But one thing should not be forgotten,
The Parsons principles were rotten;
A Sceptick, or as Martial saith,
A wanderer with waving faith;
[Page 125]Fickle, when he swore he loved
Beyond or Aretine or Ovid.
But th'honest man, whose mind did burn,
As he intended, made return;
Sees wife and Parson both withdrawn;
Peeps, and spies Priest in sleeves of Lawn,
As he suppos'd, but 'twas his Shirt;
Nor had he Girdle to begirt:
But as in Country-town no watch
Is us'd, so door had onely latch,
Which having lifted up, he enters,
And first upon his wife adventers:
So having chid, and scorn'd, & mockt her,
Leaves her, and thus accosteth Doctor:
[Page 126]Come now, Sir Leacher, you that stand
With Shirt on back, and Cloaths in hand,
Deliver habit, or at once
This Penknife sharp shall off with stones.
The Parson, who was sore affright,
As doubting whether man or spright,
Admir'd to see the husband come,
Who just before was gone from home.
But whether 'twas through fear or cold,
It matters not, his hands unfold,
And down apparel falls. The man
That stood with knife in hand, began
To lay them by: which having done,
Cries, Parson, sure as mothers son,
[Page 127]Thus naked without Cloathes or Crutch,
You shall immediately to Church,
And there do Penance thus in white.
Quoth Parson (vowing, By this light)
I'd rather die: good neighbour chuse
Some other Penance; I'll refuse
Nothing that you'll impose, provided
You will not see your friend derided.
On that the husband makes behest
To wife, to reach him key of Chest:
With it doth straightway Chest unlock,
And makes the Parson put in Cock;
And having us'd an art to fasten
Priest Cock-sure, he away doth hasten
[Page 128]To Penknife which he hard by laid,
That made the Parson sore afraid:
He puts the knife in Parsons hand,
And caus'd his wife by his command
To fire the Chest: for you must know,
On purpose it was fill'd with tow.
The Chest on fire, both man and wife
Leave Parson there with Cock and Knife;
Run out of doors, and make a noise
By crying Fire. That dreadful voice
Rais'd all the Parish, and as Torch,
Might guide them unto what did scorch
The Parson: in they ran, but cry'd,
Neighbours beware, we shall be fry'd;
[Page 129]Or else if fire make house to fall,
'Twill surely be the death of all.
The Parson, who had heard them coming,
'Twixt shame & synging left his humming;
Takes knife, and with a valiant slash
Brings body off, but leaves poor Swash
Amidst the angry flames to fry:
Judge, did not Swash a Martyr die?
He hanged was, and quarter'd too;
And he was burnt: but I should do
Much wrong to Parson and to Cocks,
Should I maintain a Paradox.
Just now a messenger brings word,
Typhon did mean with fire and sword,
[Page 130]With clubs, with staves, & other weapon,
Visit the Gods, and warfare keep-on;
Sends thus to Iove, In spight of's nose,
In heav'n he'd suddenly [...]epose:
To that same end, it was his will,
Mountain should bear the weight of hill,
Great Oss on Pelion should stand,
That heaven might be toucht with hand.
These News it seems were very true;
For Typhon and his Gyant-crew
Had ransackt wood throughout and round
(But th'devil a God was to be found)
And were come back to mighty hill,
To Crane it up (by strength and skill)
[Page 131]On th'other; and about threescore
Of hills, but less then those before,
Were got already on a heap.
Then Iove, who fetcht a sigh most deep,
Reply'd, We then will take our lot,
But beat the Iron while it's hot:
Though they are Gyants great and tall,
Their clambring may produce a fall;
And the event may make it plain,
They're hastie onely to be slain:
My son, we'll stop their course before
Upon those hills they set up more:
For if we all (ere they surmise)
Fall on, we cannot miss the Prize.
[Page 132] Hercules fingers itch to be
In action. Th' other Gods, who see
His courage, 'gin to banish fear;
Take heart a-grace, and prick up ear.
Quoth Hercules, My Club's a tongue,
That can both speak, and right a wrong:
Moreover, quoth the lofty Yonker,
I scorn to go to fight, but conquer.
Then up they get on legs again,'
Boldly to follow their Chieftain,
Who leads them on through thick & thin
Sometimes up almost to the chin.
I will not be so tedious as
To give relation how it was
[Page 133]With all the Gods, or any one;
Or whether they had horse, or none,
Or rode on Elephants or Camels;
Whether they crost brooks, ponds or cha­nels:
We will suppose them now to be
Arriv'd beneath a spreading tree,
Resting themselves for half an hour,
Not far from Gyant Typhon's Tow'r:
That time expir'd, Iove rouzes up,
Calls for some Wine, and drinks a Cup;
Chuses a lustie Bolt of Thunder
(Did you but see it, you would wonder)
Out of a Cart-load they had brought
From Memphis, Bolts but newly wrought
[Page 134]By Vulcan's own hand, therefore good.
Hercules, who by 's Daddy stood,
Takes up his weapon, and by night
They march, till they approached right
Against the place where Typhon lay
Asleep. Without the least delay,
Iupiter primes his Bolt so great;
From him the standers by retreat
For fear of harm, and Iove himself
Was wary to avoid that shelf
By which so many had been split▪
For (in his anger) he had wit.
No God, though young, or old in years,
Should Thunder flie about his ears,
[Page 135]But [...]e fear'd, and days of yore,
[...]nder never saw before.
[...] Iove holds it on the right;
Then suddenly, as full of fright,
He changes it unto the left:
Then spying that the ground was cleft
On which he stood, he fastens it
W [...]hin the same: all being fit,
He puts his Match upon a Spire,
[...]rcht out, presenting fire;
Looks t'other way, & cries, Does't touch?
Then puffs and sweats, his fears were such.
But Hercules, who stood at distance
With Club and Sword in hand, assistance
[Page 136]Gives to his Daddy, in these words:
Let's leave these guns, & use our swords.
Go to, you fool, quoth Iove, and tell
Me, when I am aside, or well.
With that, he stretches out once more
His arm and Lintstock as before:
How am I now, quoth Iove? Too low,
Quoth Hercules; too high: so, so.
Pish, quoth the touchhole; bounce, the gun:
On th' earth both father and the son
Lie sprawling: Iove holds up his head
At last: How dost, my boy? art dead?
Quoth he; may we rise safely yet?
Amphytrio answers, I have fit
[Page 137]Of Shiv'ring on me, as an Ague.
Then fight, quoth Iove, & 'twill not plague you.
The noise soon reached Typhon's lugs,
Who lay on bed with thousand Rugs,
All large, and warm as so much Buff,
Yet all was scarce (or but) enough;
So big was he: from bed he starts;
Ods bobs, quoth he, who is't that farts
So loud, and thus disturbs my rest?
I'll pull his heart from out his brest,
Whoe'er it be. Then quoth his brothers,
'Twas none of us, Sir, but some others:
It sounded like the Thunder-crack
Of Iove; he may be at our back.
[Page 138]Keep a strict guard to night, quoth Typhon,
And when 'tis day, d'on each his knife-on;
Be sure you want nor swords nor trees,
When once you 'gin to kill the fleas:
Right early in the morn we'll rise▪
To execute our enterprise:
We searcht (but all in vain) on ground,
No God nor Goddess could be found:
From heaven now they issue out,
Onely that we may rise and rout:
The glory of their mighty feat,
Is to come on, and to retreat:
Encelades shall scale their fort,
Whilst others of you finde them sport
[Page 139]With Oaks, and quarters great of Rocks;
Be sure you follow close your knocks.
Some slept till morn, as void of fear;
Others carouse in wine and chear,
Drink healths unto the Gods confusion,
None apprehending their delusion.
Mean while, the Gods do understand
Exactly, how from Gyants hand
Their distance stood, expecting hour
When to engage. Mars makes a sowre
Face, and is mad to fight the foe;
So is the great Amphytrio.
Great Iove at this doth fret and fume,
When Mars so boldly durst presume:
[Page 140]Then calling Hercules from chatter,
With him he does debate the matter;
Concludes they should a Council call:
And Iove thereunto summons all.

CANTO V.

The ARGUMENT.
Jove and his son Alcides go
By joynt consent in quest of foe.
Gyants scale heaven to a wonder;
From thence are headlong thrown by thun­der.
A fight determines, where's the odds
On Gyants side, or on the Gods.
Gyants are slain, and Typhon flies:
Great Jove pursues, and Typhon dies.
NOw come I to rehearse (in stile
As blithe as is within a mile
Of Oak) the fierce and fearful blows
Which past between the Gods and foes.
[Page 142] Iove [...]ed the Gods, as 'twas his manner:
The Gyants under Typhon's Banner
Engage: and now was Gyants war
Worse then the Counter-scuffle far.
When now Encelades design'd
Heav'n should be scal'd, 'twas in the mind
Of Iove, and Hercules disguis'd,
(Who by the Gods were so advis'd)
That onely they should lurk and spie
How Gyants Camp and they do lie:
Or having left their strong Ale tapping,
They thought perhaps to catch them nap­ping.
But Oh the fire and noise so great!
Which when the Gods see, they retreat,
[Page 143]With this resolve, the following day
To fall upon them sans delay.
By this time, day began to peep,
And Madam Moon was gone to sleep,
When Iove and great Amphytrio
Saw Gyants marching to and fro,
Scaling the skies without a Ladder,
It made great Iove be much the gladder:
For seeing Gyants so mistake,
His Thunderbolt he 'gins to make
Ready; and setting fire unto 't,
Plows hills and mountains up by root;
Down do they tumble flat as Pancakes:
To clear his face, he Iuno's Fan-takes,
[Page 144]To brush the dust: he brought it out
On purpose: divers of the rout
Within the rubbish found their doom.
By this time, other Gods make room,
As from their lurking holes they run;
Then shout as if they'd ne'r have done.
Sometimes they hollow, then they bawl,
A Iove, a Iove; the Gyants fall.
Those that the dust did spare to smother,
Would give one eye to save the other.
Did you ne'er see on Lord Mayors day
The Green-men, how they clear the way
With firy Clubs; or in a Ring,
At Cudgel-sport, or Wrastelling,
[Page 145]A sturdy Butcher, Stick in hand,
On back Red Wastcoat, ne'er a Band,
Hat before eyes, and Bandying Shins,
Smiting by th' way Spectators Chins,
Till he has made a Circle, great
Enough for Blades to do the feat:
Or at Bear-garden, how Black Will
(The Bull, I mean) doth shew his skill
In tossing Butchers, when got loose,
With as much ease as Fox doth Goose?
Just so doth Thunder-thumping Iove
Sometimes beneath, sometimes above,
On right, on left, behinde, before,
Till compassed by Wounds and Gore,
[Page 146]And at his feet lay Gyants dead
Some score or two, which he had sped.
Alcides then with Club or Bill
Does follow him to slash and kill:
Alcyoneus by his arms
Soon was dispatched out of harms
Way, by a great blow with his Club:
So fell that great and mighty Lub-
Ber; he the first Alcides slew
In this hot Combat. Now with Yew
And Ivie crown'd, comes Bacchus on,
Pretty well fluster'd, half way gon;
Who gain'd great honour in the fray,
O'er-running all that stood in way
[Page 147]As torrents do; his train as free-
Ly drunk, or somewhat more then he.
One of them runs a Gyant through,
Another beats one black and blue.
Apollo then does shoot so right
With shaft that's sharp as well as bright,
Hits Ephialtes in the eye;
And Hercules that then stood by,
Pokes out his other: farewel he.
Mercury does no sooner see
But kills: Porphyrion made it good,
Surrendring up his life and blood.
Mimas gives Mars a maul o'th' pate;
But Mars, as with a mortal hate,
[Page 148]Runs to him, grasps him; so they tug:
But Mars, who knew the Cornish Hug
Full well, threw Gyant on his back,
So that his bones did seem to crack.
Dame Atropos in rage pursues
Pallenus, who in vain did use
Skill to avoid her; for in sum,
She follow'd till she wounded bum.
Encelades now turning Chance,
[...]pes to the Gods another Dance:
Quoth he, When Honour is in doubt,
Bravely to fight, is to get out.
This Devil, mad that he had mist
His enterprise, gave with his fist
[Page 149]A blow upon Silenus's Hide,
That broke the thing hung by his side;
It was a fair and ample Flask
(Which held as much as does a Cask)
Fill'd with the best Canary-wine
Extracted ever was from Vine:
At which he more amazed stood,
Then if it had been so much blood;
The which had given Gyant time
To have dispatcht him; but sublime
Alcides to his rescue came.
The Gyant, when he saw the same,
Was mad: for blows went up and down,
From side to feet, from thence to crown.
[Page 150]The Goddesses stand by and curse,
To see how things went worse and worse:
For bloudy Typhon hews and hacks
O'er legs and shoulders, arms and backs,
Among the Gods: he held in hand
A tall Pine, which he did command
With ease: it was the same with which
He formerly the Gods did switch.
But AEsculapius steps in,
And claps a Salve upon the shin
O'th'wounded Gods, that they were sound
As soon as Typhon gave the wound:
And none was able to reveal
Their swiftness or to hurt or heal.
[Page 151] Iupiter mad to be withstood
By Gyant, in his heat of blood
Sets a great Thunderbolt on fire,
And throws the same in wrath and ire
At Gyant head, who with a flap
From tree in hand did make it snap
Like glass in shivers. Iove at that
Stept back to gather up his hat;
Which gave the Gyant time to seise
Him by the collar: then with ease
He 'gan to cuss him at his will;
I think h'had given him his fill,
Had not God Mercury ran by
I'th' shape of Hebe. Typhon's eye
[Page 152]No sooner saw the Girl, but she
Was heard to laugh aloud, Tee-hee.
At length, when Typhon spi'd the Cheat,
He throws great Iove beneath his feet;
But he himself had not the strength
To stand when Iove was laid at length.
Iupiter first got up again:
With Thunder, and with might and main,
He makes attempt at Gyants head,
And therein fortunately sped;
For ere the Gyant was aware,
He found he had a soft place there.
I' th' nick of this came great Alcides,
With the brave Club he bears on highdays,
[Page 153]And lays upon the Gyants head:
(The blow had surely struck me dead)
The Gyant backward reels, and falls;
No Lion could out-roar his bawls:
The three Gods fall upon his bones;
Cries Mercury, Cut off his stones.
But Madam Iris came to tell
Great Iove what newly had befel
His party; that they were almost
Just ready to abandon Post.
With that, the three Gods leave their foe,
But bruis'd and maim'd from head to toe:
Fast did they run as legs could carry;
For then it was no time to tarry.
[Page 154]But coming to the Gods recruit,
The Gyants do forsake pursuit:
The Gods their courage re-assume:
Iupiter swore he like a Broom
Would sweep the Rogues to ashes: Mars
Held one whilst Venus prickt his a—
With Silver Bodkin: you must know,
Mars took a pride in doing so:
And something too must be obscene,
Or this had no mock-Poem been.
At last, with pat upon the crown,
He fairly fillipt Gyant down.
Hercules killeth Euritus;
Pan, Athos; and Hypolitus
[Page 155]By Mercury on earth did lie:
It griev'd him dev'lishly to die,
Not being us'd to't heretofore:
Quoth he, I now shall say no more
But this, 'Tis sorrow makes men wise;
The Sun must set as well as rise.
Then Mimas kill'd Silenus's Ass,
For which Mars made him such a pass,
That you might see his body through;
Mars crying, Friend, now there's for you.
Then Cupid with his little sword
Slew Cynus next; and on my word,
Diana smote poor Thoon, that
She laid him on his back so flat,
[Page 156]As she suppos'd he had been dead;
But some report he rose and fled.
The Goddess Pallas then fell on,
And she Pallenus slew anon.
Enceladus was slain the next;
(For so we finde it in the text)
And Neptune with his Trident fierce
The stout Pollibotes did pierce.
At last the Gods to Typhon come,
And he they found was biting thumb:
When he beheld the Gods, with rage
In combat fresh he doth engage;
With legs he spurns against the Gods,
Kicks on the Belly and the Cods,
[Page 157]On Shins, and sometimes on their Bum
He beats as fast as Stick on Drum.
Briareus with his hundred hands,
In each of them a Rock commands:
These Rocks at Iove he casts at once,
With hope thereby to crush his bones.
But soon this fear was at an end;
Nor he nor Typhon could defend
Themselves a minute longer. Iove
And Hercules with fury move:
Iove seizeth Typhon in his arms,
(For now his valour lost its Charms)
And having drawn a Pocket-gun
With Powder charg'd, he asked son
[Page 158]If he should shoot. The son reply'd,
They'd bury him before he dy'd:
But whether they did so or no,
It matters not, nor do I know.
But Typhon answer'd, Death or Fate
Can't strike too soon, or force too late:
For he was fitted ere they came;
Death brought no terrour but its name:
Since life attempts with wings to flie,
The Gods should see, he durst to die.
Thus cunningly he holds dispute,
Whilst Iove attendeth him as mute:
Anon (grown desperate) by strength
From Iove he struggles; and at length,
[Page 159]When gotten loose, with might and main
He nimbly trips o'er hill and plain
Till got to Italy; 'tis sed,
From thence to Sicily he fled;
And there his final overthrow
Surpris'd him: Iove from head to toe
With AEtna hid him. Stories tell,
This AEtna is the mouth of hell.
Briareus tasted of the fate
His brother did. And thus the State
Of Gyants was dethron'd: for why?
Who spurns against a Deity,
Can less expect? Let Gods be still
Unjust, no force can quell their will.
[Page 160]But Typhon, some are bold to say,
Has ever since that fatal day
Spit through the Rocks both fire & smoke
Enough ten thousand men to choke.
However, Vice you see will finde
Its pleasures have a sting behinde:
And men must know, there's always Rods
In piss, for those blaspheme the Gods.
FINIS.

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