Pantagruel's Prognostication;
Certain, true, and infallible; for the year Everlasting.
CHAP. I.
Of the Government and Soveraignty of this Year.
WHat ever those foolish Astrologers of Louvain, Norremberg, [...], and Lions tell you; believe, That there will be no other Governour of the universall world this yeare but God the Creator, who by his Divine word governs and orders every thing, by whom all things are maintained in their nature, propriety, and [Page 2] Condition, and without whose Government and power all things would in a Moment be reduced to nothing, as out of nothing they were by him made and brought to what they now are: for from him commeth, in him is, and by him is perfected, all beings, and all good, all life, and Motions, as saith the Evangelicall Trumpet, My Lord Saint Paul, Rom. the 11. The Governour then of this yeare and all others according to our true opinion will be the most powerfull God, and Saturne, Mars, Jupiter, nor other Planet, no not the Angells, Saints, nor Men, nor Divells, shall have any power, energy, or influence whatsoever, if God of his good pleasure doth not bestow it upon them. As A [...]cen saies, The second causes have not influence in any action, unlesse they receive it from the first cause. Doth not the good little man speak truth?
CHAP. II.
Of the Eclipses this year.
THere shall be so many Eclipses of the Sun and Moon this year, that I am afraid (not without reason) that our purses will suffer Emptiness, and our senses Perturbation; Saturne shall be Retrograde, Venus Direct, Mercury Inconstant; and a number of other Planets shall not go as you would have them. For this reason therefore, Crabs shall go sidewayes, and Rope-makers backwards, the Joyn-stools shall get up upon the formes, The Spits upon the Andirons, And Capps upon Hatts: Many Mens bollocks will hang down for want of a pouch: Fleas for the most part will be black: The Bacon in Lent shall runne away from the Pease, The Belly shall go formost, the briech shall sit down first: The Beane shall not be found in the Cake on twelfth Night: The Ace will not be seen at flush: The Dice shall not please although [Page 4] they be flatter'd, And the Chance one wishes for, shall seldome come: in many places the beasts shall speak: Shrovetide shall get his Proces: One part of the World shall disguise themselves to cozen the other, and runne about the Streets like fools and mad Men. Never was there such disorder seen in Nature, and above twentyseaven Verbs shall be made irregular, if Priscian keep them not short. If God doth not help us, we shall have a great deal of businesse, but against the haire: If he be for us, nothing can do us hurt, as sayes the Divine Astrologer that was ravisht into Heaven. Rom. 8. 31. Si Deus pro Nobis, quis contra Nos? Nemo, Domine: for He is too good and too powerfull: Let us here blesse his Holy Name for it.
CHAP. III.
Of Diseases this year.
THis year, the Blind shall see but very little, the Deafe shall hear [Page 5] but ill, the Dumb shall not speak much, the Rich shall be a little better then the poor, and those that are wel better then those that are sicke. Many Sheep, Beevs, Hoggs, Geese, Hens, and Ducks shall dye. And there shall not be so cruel a Mortality among the Monkeys and Dromedaries. Old Age shall be this year incurable by reason of the years past. Those that have a Pleurisy shall be troubled with great pain in their sides, They that are troubled with a loosenesse shall goe often to the Close-stool. The Catharrs this year shal fall from the brain into the lower parts. Sore eyes shal be very hurtfull to the sight. Eares shall be short, and more rare in Gascony then usual; and a very horrible Maligne, troublesome, and scurvey disease shal raigne this year, almost universally, which shall make the World very much wonder, and many shall not know which way to turne themselves. And oftentimes they shall raveningly compose, and Syllogise upon the Philosophers Stone, [Page 6] and of Midas his Eares. I tremble for fear when I think on't, for 'twill (I say) be Epidemical, (and Averoes calls it VII. Colligent) want of Money: And by reason of the Comet last year and the Retrogradation of Saturn, a great-Rogue shal dye in the Hospital all pocky and scabby, at whose Death there shal be a horrible sedition between the Cats and the Rats, between the Hounds and the Hares, betweene the Hauks and the Partridges, between the Monks and the Eggs.
CHAP. IV.
Of Fruits, and the Riches that we receive from the Earth.
I Find by Albumazars computation, in the book of the great Conjunction, and elsewhere, that this year shal be very fertile, and there shal be plenty of all things with those that have wherewithall; but the Hops of Picardie will be somewhat afraid of the Cold. Oats shall doe Horses a great [Page 7] deal of good: there shall not be much more bacon then there are hoggs, by Reason of prices Ascendant; it shal be a great year of Snailes. Mercury doth a little threaten the Parsely, but it shall be notvvithstanding at reasonable rates. Marigolds and Honey-suckles shall grovv more then usually, and there vvill be abundance of Choakey pears. Corne, Grapes, all sorts of fruits, Pease, Beanes, and all manner of Rootes vvas never seene in such abundance, if poor peoples prayers are heard.
CHAP. V.
Of the conditions of some People.
Tis the greatest folly in the world to thinke there are starres for Kings, Popes, and great Persons, more then for poor and ordinary people: As if new starrs had been created since the Deluge; or of Romulus, or Pharamon at the new creation of Kings. 'Tis that which Triboulet nor Catlette will not say, who were neverthelesse Persons of [Page 6] [...] [Page 7] [...] [Page 8] High knowledge and great Renown and perhaps in Noah's Ark, this Triboulet was of the Race of the Kings of Castile; and Caillete of the blood of Priam. But this error proceeds onely from the vvant of the true Catholicke faith. Granting it then for certaine that the Starres care as little for Kings as for Beggars, for Rich folkes as for Poor, I leave it to other foolish Prognosticators to speak of Kings and wealthy persons and speak of those of a low condition. And first of those that are under Saturn: as, people unprovided of Money, Jealous, Dotards, Evil-thinkers, Suspitious persons, Mole-catchers, Usurers, Farmers, Coblers, Tanners, Tylers, Bellfounders, Compounders of Debts, Botchers, Melancholy people, shall not have this year al that they would have; they shall study much how to get the holy Crosse, they shall not throw their Bacon to the Dogges, and they shall often Scratch where it doth not Itch.
Those that are under Jupiter, as Hypocrites, [Page 9] dissemblers, Buskin-makers, Pardon-sellers, Attorneys, Writingmasters, Scriveners, Bull-makers, Dispatchers of the Popes Bulls, Lawyers, Capuchins, Monks, Hermits, Bigots, Santons, hairy-handed wrynecked fellowes, blotters of paper, Braggadoshoes, wearers of long hair, Clarks of the Prison, Maker of Fryers hoods, Bed-sellers, Blurrers of Parchment, Notaryes, Counterfeits, Conveyancers, shall behave themselves according to the money they have. And so many Church men shall dye, that 'twill be hard to find Parsons to conferre benefices upon; insomuch that many shal enjoy two, three, four, and more. Hypocritical zeal will make a great tempest with its antient accustomed Noise, since the World is grown so very bad, and is now but little foolish, as sayes Avenzagel.
Under Mars, as Hang-men, Murtherers, Free-booters, Rogues, Bailiffs, Recorders, Watch-men, Dead-payers, Tooth-drawers, Cut-purses, Butchers, [Page 10] Coyners, Physicians, Nigars, Renegadoes, Atheists, and Blasphemers, sellers of Matches, Boutefeux, Chimneysweepers, Churls, Colliers, Alchymists, Tinkers, Cooks, Pedlers, Almsgatherers, Lantern-makers, Boores, shal play many notable tricks this year: but some of them shal be very subject to be bastonadoed. One of the forenamed shall this year be made Bishop of the Country, giving his benediction with his feet to the Passengers.
Under Sol, as Drinkers, Fiery-faces, Gorbellyes, Brewers, Hay-makers, Porters, Mowers, Thatchers, Packers, Shepheards, Cow-keepers, Hog-keepers, Bird-keepers, Gardeners, Grangers Hedgers, Beggars, Cap-clensers, Stocking menders, Lazy Rogues, Smel feasts all generally wearing their shirts tied upon their backs, shall be healthfull, & merry; and when they are invited to a Wedding shall not have the Gout in their teeth.
Under Venus, as Whorers, Bawdes, Wenchers, Buggerers, Gallants, Frenchified [Page 11] fellows, canker'd boyes, Rorers, Pimps, Beggerly Sluts, Chamber-maids of Inns. Nomina Mulierum desinentia in sses ut Landresses, Tavernesses, Hostesses, Starchers, Washers, Brokers, shall be in esteem this year. But the Sun entring into Cancer and other Signes, they must have a care of the Pox, Gonorrhea, C—botches, &—. The Nuns shall hardly conceive without virile Operation, very few Maids shall have Milk in their breasts.
Under Mercury, as Cheaters, Cozeners, Deceivers, Mountebanks, Theevs, Millers, Street-walkers, Pick-locks, Filchers, Keepers, Rimers, Charletans, Juglers, Pedants, Anagrammatists, a Paper-maker, Card-sellers, Pirates. They would seeme oftentimes to be more Merry than they are, sometime they'l put their hand in their Pocket; when there is nothing in it; and shall be very subject to become bankrouts, if they finde not more money in their purses, then they have occasion of.
Under the Moon as Almanack Letters, [Page 12] Huntsmen, Faulkners, Posts, Salters, Lunaticks, Fools, Shallow-brains, Obstinates, Fantastical people, Carriers, Horscoursers, Lacquies, Brokers, Tennisplayers, Glaziers, Light horsemen, Ferry-men, Seamen, Groomes, shall not this year have many Stops. Neverthelesse there shall not many swagbellied Swissers go to Saint Hiaccho, as there did in the year 524. Many Pilgrims shall come down the Mountaines of Savoy and Avergne; but Sagittarius threatens them with Chilblaines at their heels.
CHAP. VI.
Of the condition of some Countries.
THe noble Kingdome of France shall triumph and prosper this yeare in all manner of Pleasure and delights, insomuch that strange Nations will willingly resort thither: little delights and Passe-times will be acted there, in which every one will take pleasure. There was never more wines seen nor more delicate: great quantity of [Page 13] Raddishes in Lymosin, store of Chesnutts in Perigard and Dauphine, Many Olives in Languedoc, great store of sand in Olone: Much fish in the sea, Many starrs in the sky, Much salt in Porridge: Plants, Corn, Pease, Fruit, Herbs, Roots, in fields. No plague, No war, No trouble. Good store of Poverty, Great store of Care, Much melancholly. And those old double Ducats, Rose Nobles, Angelots, Royalls, and Sheep with the long wool, will come in fashion again, with plenty of Seraphs and Crowns of the Sunne. Neverthelesse about the middle of the Summer, the comming of some black fleas, and corne mites, is to be feard, —adeò nihil est ex omni parte beatum; but they must be moderated by evening collations, A take over night a medicine for the fleas. Italy, Romagnia, Naples, Sicily, shall remain where they were the last yeare. They shall dream soundly about the end of Lent, and sometimes shall talke idly, when 'tis towards Noon.
Germany, Swisserland, Saxony, Strasbourg [Page 14] &c, shall thrive if they do'nt break. The Pardon sellers ought to dread them. And this yeare many Anniversaries shall not be founded.
Spain, Castile, Portugal, Arragon, shall be very subject to suddain alterations: and the young as the old, shall be very much afraid to dye; and therefore shall keep themselves warme, and often tell their Dollars if they have any.
England, Scotland, the Easterlings, shall be but bad Pantagruelists. Wine would be as wholsome for them as Beer, provided 'twere good & delicate. At all tables their hopes shall be in an after Game. Saint Traignant of Scotland shall do divers and sundry miracls; but he shall see never the better, for all the Candles that are offered to him. If Aries lose not his hornes, the Moscovites, Indians, Persians and Troglodites shall be often troubled with the bloody flux, because they will not be gulled by the Romanists. By reason of the dance of ascendant Sagittarins, Bohemians, Jews, Egyptians, will not this year be reduced [Page 15] into that condition they expect. Venus threatens them cruelly with the Kings evill in the throat: but they shall yield to the will of the King of Butterflyes.
Escargots, Sarabogites, Canquemares, Cannibals, shall be much troubled with hors-flies, and not much inclined to leachery, unlesse Guaicum be in Request. Austria, Hungary, Turkey, by my faith, my good fellowes, I know not how 'twill be with them; and very little do I care, considering the brave entry of the Sunne into Capricorne; And if you know any more, say nothing of it, but stay till the lame Post comes.
CHAP. VII.
Of the four Seasons of the Year: and first of the Spring.
IN all this year, there shall be but one Moon, Neither shall it be a new one. You blades, that do not beleive in God are very sorry for it. You that persecute his holy and divine word together [Page 16] with those that maintain and stand for it; But go hang your selves, never shall there be other Moon, than that which God created at the beginning of the World; and which by the power of his aforesaid sacred word was placed in the great firmament to light and guid mankind by night. But hold, I will not from hence inferre that she doth not show greater or lesser light to the people upon earth, according as she is neer or farre off the Sunne: for why, for asmuch as &c. Besides, don't pray to God to keep her from the wolves, for they shal not so much as touch with her this year I assure you. Oh! to our purpose. You shall see this season more flowers by halfe than in all the other three, and he shall not be thought a fool that in this season makes his provision of mony rather then of cobwebs all the year after. The Griffons and Chestnuts of the Mountaines of Savoy, Dauphine, Hyperboreans, that have perpetuall Snows shall be disappointed this season; and there shall be none, according to the [Page 17] opinion of Avicen, vvho sayes, that 'tis then Spring when the Snow falls from the Mountaines. Beleive this, Porter. In my time, they thought it winter when the Sunne enter'd into the first degree of Aries. If they reckon otherwise now, I am satisfied, and will hold my tongue.
CHAP. VIII.
Of Summer.
IN Summer, I know not what winds will be abroad, but I know that 'twill be hot weather, and the southerly wind will raigne. Neverthelesse if it should happen otherwise, we must not blaspheme God, for he is wiser then we are, and knowes better what is necessary for us then we our selves. Yeas, I'le assure you, upon my honour, what ever Haly and his Disciples have said of it, You'l do well to be Merry and drink in Fresco, although some have said that there is nothing more contrary to thirst. And I likewise believe it, Contraria contrariis curantur.
CHAP. IX.
Of Autumne.
IN Autumne, will be the vintage, or before, or after; 'tis all one to me so we have drink enough. Paper will now be in season, for some that think onely to fart will bravely beshite themselves; Them and those that have vowed to fast, till the starrs appeare in the sky, may now by my Grant and dispensation feed aboundantly; and in troth, they have stayed long enough. For I tell you they have been fast enough there, this 16 thousand and I know not how many more dayes agoe. Hope not henceforward to catch Larks when the sky falls, for upon my honour it shall not fall in your dayes. Hypocrites, Zelots, Pardonsellers, Begging friers, and such kind of Counterfeit Companions, shall come out of their holes; every one have a care of himselfe that will: beware likewise of Arrests when you eate Fish, and from poison God keep you.
CHAP. X.
Of Winter.
ACcording to my little understanding, those will have no great wit that in winter sell their furrs to buy wood; for the Ancients did not so, as Avenzouart witnesses. Be not melancholly if it raine, you'l have the lesse dust upon the roades. Keep your selves warme, beware of Catarrhs and Colds; Drink of the best, whilst the worst mends, and henceforward shite no more in Bed. O ho, Poultry do you go so high to roost?