UPon the First of June 1673, having taken leave of my Friends, and recei­ved a Message, a little tiny Er­rand to be uttered by word of mouth, together with a Letter to be deliver'd into the hands of one of the most Reverend Taphies, I began to have some thoughts of rigging my self out for mine intended Voyage; and to that end I spatterdash't my Legs with a pair of Cuckolds boots, and ei­ther adorn'd or furnish't my hand [Page 2]with battooning Cudgel, and ha­ving entertain'd in my Retinue a whole Distick of Spannels.

Upon the Fourth of June, I turn'd one side upon London, and the other toward Wales; the Coun­try which was so be the Period and Term of my Journey. We travelled all that day with much pleasure, being treated as we went, with the Delicacies of Na­ture: the Air was kind and soft; the Fields were trim and neat; the Sun benign and cherishing; the whole Creation was obliging, and from every thing we met, we receiv'd a Civility; so that this first day pass'd over with much satisfaction. I do not remember that we saw any thing remarkable, unless 'twas a Fellow driving a tyr'd Cow, whose slow motion he now and then quickn'd by wring­ing the Pendulum of her Tail, and (as it were) curling it into a screw [Page 3]he twisted her forward, and bor'd the Air with this Living Augre; Me-thoughts a very pretty trick to make a wimble of his Beast, and a handsome way to insinuate her along, and to improve her pace. 'Twas far beyond the court­ship of a wisp of hay, in regard Fear urges more than Flattery can allure, and all Creatures are more ready to ease their Backs, than to fill their Bellies; how Scorpions pretty crabbedly apply'd will make a thing caper, and increase his Career far beyond the temptation of Cake and Marmalade! and a Cat of Nine-Tails will drive bet­ter than a dish of Sweet-meats can invite and draw. This was the Method the Bumpkin us'd to ad­vance the progressive Motion of the Animal; which indeed is far different from the Custom and Practice of the Croatians; For whereas this man made his Beast [Page 4]proceed by thrusting at one end, the Tail; They make their tyr'd Jades jog on by putting at the other, the Fore-top. We began to subscribe to Cartesius's opinion, that Animals were Engins; For 'tis like, the Clock-work of the Cow was somewhat disorder'd, and the Machine (like a Jack) was run down and (rood still, till this Artist wound it up, and set the movements a going.

Being indifferently refresht by the vertue of that Passage, we went forward very couragiously, and after a little time were pre­sented with the prospect of ano­ther Scene, which was laid in a Meddow by a River-side, where we overtook a Rat-catcher and a Fisherman disputing Precedency, and the Preheminency of their Professions: The Rat-catcher ar­gu'd that his Calling was most wor­thy, in regard the object of his [Page 5]Art was a vocal Creature, whereas that of the Fisherman's was dumb and silent; besides Rats are edu­cated in Courts and Palaces, are more choicely bred, and have a more delicate diet, than Fish, to feed on; Plentiful Reversions of Rost and Boyl'd, luxurious frag­ments, and the magnificent ruine: of Pudding and Pasty are their common dishes; only sometimes they pop on a piece of Bread and Butter not of so wholsome a re­lish, that is, a little Arsenick spread for [...]um on the trencher of a Chip, these are the Viands of this do­mestick Vermin; whereas Worms and Flies, and vile Insects, and perhaps a hook to boot, are the best Fare that is eaten by Fishes. The Fisherman reply'd, that Fish themselves were food for men, but it was never known that Rats were in season, unless in the extremity of a Siege or Famine.

We left these Fellows very hot in controversy, which could not be decided, and pass'd on, till at length we arrived to a little knot, or Asterism of houses standing, or rather lying on the Crump of a Hill, rais'd somewhat proudly above the ordinary level; and methoughts, lookt down with somewhat of Disdain upon the Humble Val­lies. Who was the Founder of this Hamlet is not certainly known, but we perceiv'd the Thacker had been a great Benefactor. As for the Nativity of the Place, the Foundation was laid under an un­fortunate Configuration of the Hea­vens: so that the Tinkers and Cob­lers, and the dregs of mankind that dwelt there, expected not Prosperity, nor hop'd to be ad­vanc'd and sublimated into the Flower of the People. The main stress of Government lay upon the shoulder of a single man, who was a [Page 7] Bear-ward by Office, and being the most substantial Person was thought fit to be invested with the sole Authority of the Town­ship; A most proper Magistrate for such wild Savages! We ob­serv'd that this Village had as ma­ny ways into it, as it had ways out of it, which were equal in number to the Points of the Com­pass. The purling Brook that crawl'd by it, the reeking Dung­hill that breath'd within it, the crook-back'd Elm that stands cring­ing near it, and the Pack- saddle Steeple that stood squinting over it, made a pretty Draught of an handsome Landskip.

The Inhabitants of this place were much addicted to the vice of Stealing; every thing sticks to their Pitchy Fingers, and they have such an attractive vertue, that, wherever they come, all things trot after the Magnetism of their [Page 8]Persons. A Fellow squotting up­on a criket in a room we were in, and rising up from his seat, the stool on a sudden (as if tackt to his A—) immediately marcht after him, to the great amazement of the woman of the house, who did not suspect that his Bum had hands, or that her Stool so nim­bly could have us'd its legs. Ano­ther espying a Cylinder of Bag­pudding pretty thick in the wast lolling upon the table, whilst the Hostess turn'd her back, in the very twinkling of her head, pocuss'd it into Fob, and so shrowded its Dimensions into a second Bag.

The approaching night and our wearied limbs compell'd us to lodge among these Tenements; Having almost worn out our selves by tedious Travel, we resolv'd here to repair our breeches: But (alas!) this mending (I allude to [Page 9] Taylourism) was little better than meer Botching. For, whereas we thought to have renew'd nature, and to have recreated our Pa­lates with the pleasant whole­someness of Rural Delicacies, we could scarce so much as even patch her up with the hurden Accomo­dations of a red-lattic'd Inn; The foretop of a Carrot, and a few parcht Pease were our choicest Provender, which fill'd our ca­vities so full of wind, that we thought we had got the Four Quarters in our Bellys, which made such Squibs of our Breeches, that (like the fifth of November) we were continually discharging of Rockets and Crackers.

The next day dress'd with Au­rora, nay before she had put on her Indian gown, we set out with the Sun, who bearing us company but a little while withdrew into an apartment behind a cloud, at [Page 10]whose absence the Heavens frown­ing and contracting their brows, did presently fall a crying and wept such plentiful showers of tears, that they moistn'd our skins with the Deluge of their Grief. But that which terrify'd us most of all, was water which we saw of seve­ral colours, sometimes red, and sometimes black; which put us in mind of those Prodigious Rains the Philosophers speak of, Blood and Ink; But overtaking a Col­lier and Red-Oker man, we per­ceiv'd 'twas the Distillations of their Buggets. But that which gave wings to time, and made it fly merrily while we were in the company of these Vagrants, were the frequent Quarrels that were broacht between them, which at length were improv'd into severe Buffetings. The Object of both their Occupations lyes hid in the Earth, and they work like Moles, [Page 11]whose Employ is underground, and (like a certain Fish) they take their colour from the place they converse in. The Collier thumpt with tincturing-fist the Red-man, black; and the Red-man dy'd with Vermilion-blow the Black­man, red; so that we never saw before such a party-colour'd Com­bat, such a Fools-coated conflict, wherein the stout Champions were so mutually disguis'd, that they seem'd to be Amphituo'd, and to be wholly transform'd into each others Person.

After another days Travel in Dust and Sun, we saluted a good handsome Town, not a little re­sembling in crookedness a middle­siz'd shooing horn; At the entrance into it, the uncarpetness (as I may say) of the Floor, or (in other words) the unevenness of the streets somewhat dislocating the position of our almost tript up [Page 12]feet, had like to have demolisht us, and to have thrown us down backward, but to prevent the So­loecism of kissing the place at wrong end, we recovered our fall, and went bolt upright into the navel of the Coporation, where there was such an Assembly of Provision as represented a market, which was unhappily disturb'd by an un­fortunate accident; For a certain Bull of an uncertain man having mistaken his box, and taken pepper in the nose instead of Snush, and being enrag'd and heated by the vertue of the Spice, took a risk about the Cross, and emptied by his Ramble all Stalls and Panniers; so that this Brisk Customer made a scrambling kind of Dinner for the whole Country; who was riding upon one anothers backs for Vi­ands and Booty, and was tum­bling among the ruins of Bakers, Victuallers, and Costermongers. [Page 13]We were inform'd that this Town was much infested with the un­welcome Visitants, Rats and Mice; insomuch that the Inhabitants have a Rat-catcher at a certain Pension, as the only Talis-man against such noxious Vermin.

Having left this Town behind us, we come to a Wood on our left hand, nigh unto which was a discontented Fountain murmuring as it run (we did not enquire a what) and bubling forth seemingly much Dissatisfaction. This wood was a promiscuous Babble of all vege­tables. A throng of trees of all ranks and qualities; we refresht ourselves a little under this natural Arbour, and being prety and cheerful in this circumstance of Place; one of our Caravan began to express his joy in some notes of Musick, who as soon as he began to strike up with his Pite (thinking he had but one) he presently perceiv'd it to be [Page 14]multiply'd into an Organ, and wonder'd (with the Bumpkin that pull'd at the Bellows) that he had so much Harmony in him. For you must know hereabouts dwelt a thing called an Eccho, who as soon as she heard but Sol, Fa, whipt! she improv'd the melody into a noise and consort: and pre­sently increas'd those single notes into the whole Gamut; and most neately play'd the wag with the tail of his voice! being a very pretty Songster, that sings well by th' Ear. But while Lug was so­lac'd with the tatling Reverbera­tion of voice, our eyes were ra­visht with a most delicate Pro­spect; For here was a most plea­sant champion piece of ground, which extending and roaming it self some Furlongs in length, was furnisht with all the Excellencie that ever commended the most transporting Elisium; the Air was [Page 15] lullaby'd as still and quiet as Dor­mant Infant; the Day was Ori­ent, bright and clear; the Earth (like a Forester) was clad in green. The Figure of this Field was a Parallellogrammum, the Style was situate South-East-by North, and consisted of a climax of three rails, over which we convey'd our selves by Elevation of Leg; near the entrance into the Mea­dow, we observ'd an hole or case­ment in the hedge, which we per­ceiv'd the Hogs had oftentimes threded; but the Hedger had glaz'd it with a pane of Furze.

Having ambled over some Fur­longs on this (as it were) New-Market Heath, we perceiv'd it to degenerate and to grow worse and worse, and (like an handsome neck of Mutton) to determine in the unevenness of a Rock, or Scrag. A little while after we winded a Cordwainer, who (as he [Page 16]told us) was newly recover'd from a sad mischance; For walking care­lessly, one day he happen'd to have a fall, and to squot his Breech upon an Hedg-hog, which he carry'd away as cleverly, (it clinging to his Buttocks) as if he had sate up­on a ball of his wax; whether there is a simpathy between a Shooma­kers tail, and the skin of an Ʋr­chin, or whether the bristles of the Creature entred the pores of his Backside, we list not to decide that controversie now; but how­ever the mortal complain'd that it was an uneasy cushion, and that that Spinny of Awls had made a cullender of his A—: But being not much concern'd at the cerebro­sity of his seivy Bum; The Ilet­holes whereof being not very deep, we went together, till we arriv'd to the roughness of the foremen­tioned Downs, which did some­what decline into an uneven Prae­cipice, [Page 17]whose craggy stairs as soon as we had descended, we stumbled upon an House, or a Dung­hill modell'd into the shape of a Cottage, whose outward surface was so all to-be-negro'd with such swarthy plaister, that it ap­pear'd not unlike a great blot of Cow-turd: This Structure stradled over about eight Ells of ground, above the surface whereof the Eves were advanc'd about two Yards, and the Chimney peep'd out about a Foot above the Eves; the light flow'd in through the old circumference of a bottomless Peck; which being stuck in the Thatch, supply'd the place of an Orbicular Casement. The Door-way was a breach in the wall toward one end, which being of a dwarfish size, i. e. two Foot lower in stature than an ordinary Man, we were forc'd to a­bridge our Dimensions, and to [Page 18]creep in. The Parlour, Hall, Kitchin, i. e. one Room within was prettily adom'd with the Poe­try of Ballads; a crippled Pipkin with a broken shin, near ally'd to a Dish of the same matter; a vocal Spoon with a Whistle at the end; and a Tipsy Cradle reeling in the corner, (methoughts) were a pret­ty sort of Goods, and not unhand­some Furniture. A whole Litter of Children was strew'd upon the Floor; only one Mopp-headed Boy was Tripos'd on a Cricket, and blew the Fire; The carv'd Man­tle-tree seem'd to be defended by a little wood [...]n Fellow furiously strutting in an Oa [...]on Cloak; and we perceiv'd the Window was en­dors'd with the Pictured of a Fly. We observ'd that the Bulkie Cup­board was a Nusance to the whole Family of Hooshold-stuff, which it had mightily disoblig'd by en­trenching [Page 19]on their Liberties, they grutching it so much room; and indeed the Table, Bed, and other Utensils have not suffer'd a little detriment by its injurious Contigui­ty. We had a Prospect of whole Territories about this Building, which though not large, yet were exceedingly well fortify'd; a lit­tle Hedge being a Pallizado on one side, and a narrow Trench in­stead of a Bulwark on the other: The Continuity of the Mound was violated by a Notch in the corner to set a Stile in; over which when we had passed, we espy'd a Bank like a little Hybla, cap'd with a Hive of Bees, which this small Eden curi­ously carv'd, and (as it were) Quincunx'd into a Knot, did feast with the moisture of its delicious Flowers. Leaving the Phylacteries of this Yard, we met the Good-Housewife of this little Tenement [Page 20]with her Tippet bristling, her Mouth mumping, and her Hands knitting; she had a Cade Lamb at her Rere, attending upon her, and a Kitten in the Van, conducting her home.

We follow'd our Noses from hence, and were directed by the Clue of a long Hedge; which after a great extent in length, we found to be Tagg'd with a rough Lane; turning from which a little toward the right, we overtook a Church standing (like an Ace) and mo­ping by it self, at some distance from the Town; which whether it run from the Parish, or the Pa­rish from it, we are not as yet in­form'd; though we have most rea­son to suspect the latter; in regard as to outward appearance the weak Constitution of the Fabrick seem'd not much to be addicted to run. It seem'd to be very crazy, [Page 21]and had a muffler of Ivy, which we presume were instead of Crutches; For whereas that feeble Vegetable is usually upheld by the walls it clings to, we believe it was a Buttresse here to support the Walls. But having sadden'd our Aspect with the melancholy looks of this desolate Temple, we took our leave of it, and shot directly down a Balk upon that prophane Town to which it seem'd to stand related. At our first salutation whereof, we chanc'd to pop into a dapper Ale-house, mightily stufft with a huge Hostesse, whose moi­sture distilling through the Pores of her Body, and being somewhat turn'd through excessive heat, struck our olfactive Nerves with so great a sowrness, that we had quite been overcome with this Vessel of Vineger, had she not too much jog'd her self by an unhappy [Page 22]fall, and spilt a great quantity of her unctuous Liquor.

The Shoomaker conjectur'd that she had lost about five or six pound (aver-du-pois) from her Rere be­hind, and presently concluded that she was in great danger of hanging all a-one-side, unless some charita­ble Person should poize her with thrust of Assisting Nose. We had scarce prim'd our Pipes, but in comes a Law-jobber, accompanied with the Bum-brusher, or School-master of the place, who after some time, took occasion to shew their skill and breeding at Fisty­cuffs, but (thanks to the Stars) without any danger to their Pro­fessions; For they did not so much aim at the head, as level their fury at each others heels, where their knowledge was suppos'd not to lye, though some hold that they have as much Learning at one end [Page 23]as they have at t' other. The most remarkable thing in this Village was a Carrot-pate house at the Po­steriours of the Town; it was co­ver'd, with Tile, and was curiously contriv'd after the Italian Models. The Master that did animate, or the [...] of this Stone-carcass (they told us) was lately dead: His Distemper was a Quarrel be­tween his Belly and his Back; the one being bursten took pet and run away from the other, so that the poor Man being at a loss for a place to put his Victuals, in, dy'd with a conceit.

S. Crispin's Disciple having a Mistress in this Lordship, and be­ing almost within the Atmosphere of her presence, began to wind her, and had a great tendency to the place where she was; so that I might as soon expect that a stone should fall beyond the center, as [Page 24]that this Gentle-crafts-man should budge further; wherefore nothing was expected now but an immedi­ate Divorce from each others com­pany; but before we parted, he oblig'd me with the Prospect both of her Person and Fortune. As for the first, as soon as I saw it, I had greater reason to congratulate my Eye-sight than I had before; for she was blest with a most ravish­ing Aspect, and a snug Face, most prodigiously grac'd with a dainty fine Nose, fasten'd in its middle; which is not like some Snouts that look more upon one Cheek, than they do upon the other, but shews equal respect to both, not at all disobliging the right by fleering too much on the lest. And then for her Eyes, they are excellent at twireing, and will be sure to keep her Nose safe, (I'le warrant you) for one looks one way, and the o­ther [Page 25] another. The Woman had a Mouth too, which was somewhat bigger than that of a Musket, though not twice as big as the ca­pacious bore of a Blew Noggin. This Mouth she put but to one use, and that's the same that we put ours to, that is to eat three or tout Meals in a day; for it seems where­as other Women often use theirs in prating and twatling, we perceiv'd that this sav'd her Mouth and spake through her Nose. As we have given you the Picture of her Per­son, so now let's present you with a Landskip of her Fortune. As for her Lands, that is, Pasture-ground, and Meadow, we could not discern, but that (like a spot upon the Globe) they took but little room upon the surface of the Earth, and (like the Possessions of Alcibiades) were but a little speck to the World. A little Muck [Page 26]would dung her Fallow; one high Table T— (to speak in the Ox­ford Dialect) will much enrich it, and an Ear of Corn will go near to sow it; 'tis like she hath Grass e­nough for a couple of Rabbets. Having survey'd the Paramour, and the Portion of this Nivelling Cobler, after a single sip of sixes out of a Tin Pot, and a Treble go-down out of a cup of Double; after a right-line scrape with left Leg; and uncouth doffing of a bad Bonnet, after slinking a Com­plement by way of thanks for his Society, attended by his Cobler­hood to the confines of a Yard, at the clasping together of two lowr­ing Gates in the presence of a Cor­pulent and Burly Elme, I solemnly took leave of my Fellow-Travel­ler. After his departure I was forc'd to beguile away the time in the shady solitude of silent thoughts, [Page 27]which before I spent in the brisker Entertainments of Discourse and Dialogue: I had not long busy'd my faculties with inward specula­tions, but I met with variety of Objects courting with their Flatte­ries my almost distracted Contem­plations. I saw Three Stones so artificially set, that they represent­ed the Figure of a convenient Stile. Methoughts the Archite­cture of it was very curious; for one stone about a Foot square, be­ing plac'd perpendiculary upright, its Northern Extremity was cross'd by another at right Angles; on the other side whereof was ere­cted another perpendicular corre­spondent to the former. The Po­sition of these Materials made a pretty Fabrick, over which a Man might commodiously pass; its sur­face was smooth, not tufted with snags, which are always catching [Page 28]and snarling at your Cloaths, to the great Disguize and Damage of your Breeches; about two yards distant there was a Cross delv'd in the Earth, which seem'd either an Argument of Popish Superstition, or a Sign or Mark of the Parish Selvidge.

Departing from hence, we mov'd through a Close very popa­lous with Mutton; there being, (as it were) a whole Academy of Sheep sizeing on a Hay-rick, not botled out into Commons, but Geometrically carv'd into good Sexangular Luncheons. 'Twas Foot-cloath'd (as it were) with Straw near five yards about, upon which were tumbling a Bag-piper, and an Ho [...]us, who wanton'd so long till (like Dogs) at last their Play determin'd in a sharp conflict. The Man of Musick buffeted the Jugler to some tune, who adding [Page 29]two or three howls to the Notes of his Drone-pipe, by cleanly con­veyance did vanish from him. The Piper appear'd of a tawny Com­plexion, his Nose bending with an Arch upward; his Eyes being somewhat hollow, seem'd to in­crease the promontory of his jetting Forehead. In a word, there was charm enough in his Aspect; He was well built, his whole Frame and contexture was sweet and regu­lar; I must needs say, I have sel­dom met with any handsomer Mo­del, or Platform of a Man. But though his Person was neat and uniform, yet his habit and garb was full of deformity, and there were as many Soloecisms and Incohoeren­cies on these, as there was Congrui­ties and Beauty commendable in that. He wore a Mis [...]ellany of Apparel, a Gallimasry of Cloaths, as I humbly conceive, 'twas a Tyth [Page 30]Suit, compos'd of various and se­veral sorts; such a Club of Raggs, and Randesvouz of Fragments, must needs be a Collection (like the Jerkin of the Jay) of several Feathers from divers Birds. His Doublet (which indeed was but one great Patch in Folio) was ve­ry heterogeneous from the rest of his Attire; he had worn his Lap­pets into perfect Fringe, (so that he seem'd to be surrounded with the remnant of a Curtain) and had thin'd his Elbows into their first Principles. 'Twas of a Mouse­colour hue, and (as near as I could guess) it appear'd to be the Result of an old Cloak; both its first Crop and Latter-Math too were both worn off; and it was so Thread-bare, that it had almost founder'd three or four of his best Lice; wherefore we advis'd him to hang it no longer on a Knaves [Page 31]back, but to condemn it to the Housewifery of a Shooe-clout. The Relicks that were left of his tatter'd Breeches were one Story pendulous below his Coat. His Instrument (like a Gizzard) was tuck'd under his arm, which by shog of Elbow, he did hug into harmony, and squeeze out of its Womb most ravishing Ditties. We made but few Remarks on the Person of the Jugler, only we thought it appear'd to be some­what sleathy; his Noddle was shrowded under the Patronage of a collop'd Hat, whose indented Margin being somewhat frail, de­clin'd from the equality of an Ho­rizontal Position, and flapping in­ward on both sides, and hugging his Ears, forc'd the poor Man to look as it were through a Spout. He had a bunch of Bibbond in his hand, which possibly might be [Page 32]the effect of his last Vomits; for we suppose having had a surfeit of Silk-worms, and a Loom in his Throat, he can disgorge more at a cast, than an ordinary Weaver can work in a weeks time. His little pointing-stick and Tin Dishes, with other Implements of his Art, made an horrible noise and com­bustion in his Pocket, even to the terrour and amazement of an Hum­ble Bee, who was rioting on the Luxuries, and was wantonly bask­ing on the Sunny Terrace of a mag­nificent Thistle. Nay, the jing­ling of his Tackle did alarm an Ar­my of Wasps and Hornets, which lay encamp'd hard by under the roof of a shady Furz bush; These made such an on-set on Hocus with their Lansprizades, that making a Pin-cushion of his Body, they stuck it so full of Needles, that the Pun­gency of their Weapons, and Ar­tillery [Page 33]piercing to the quick, made the poor fellow curvete and ele­vate himself nimbly into two or three dancing Capreolls. He car­ry'd on his back as thick a Quick­set of Stings as a Hog of Bristles. He was swell'd to a treble propor­tion beyond what he was; his Hands were grown too big for his Pockets, and could have no re­ception into those narrow Closets. The circumference of his head was hugely increas'd beyond the Dia­meter of his Hat; so that the Con­vexity of the former could not be contain'd within the Concavity of the latter. In a word, being magni­fy'd beyond the fallacy of the best Glass, his Cloaths were too little for his enlarg'd Dimensions; so that he burst through the confines of his scanty case. Means pre­sently was us'd for the levelling of this Mountainous Vagrant, and [Page 34]Hide-swoln; He was immediate­ly plung'd into a Bath of Honey, which though a present cure of his Disease and Malady, yet was as great a cause of an inconveni­ence as bad; For a certain Bear not far off got his Medicine in the wind, and came galloping for a lick of her admir'd Dainties; which when the Jugser perceiv'd, having lost through fear the retentive Fa­culty, he adulterated her Dish by a mixture of somewhat that was of the same colour, though not so sweet. The Jugler hooft it away with a winged speed; the Bear with a pair up and a pair down most swiftly pursu'd him. We staid not to see the Issue of the Race, but advanc'd forward in a regular progressive motion, who after a little time were cross'd by a Rivulet, which wrigled along with a crooked current; over [Page 35]which we convey'd our selves by saltation. On the other side of the Bank was a little Arabia of Sand, enough (I suppose) to sup­ply all the Hour-glasses in the Country, nay perhaps and that of Time too till the last minute; near this Mountain of Sand lay pro­strate at length two Iron Wedges contiguous to a Block in Felio, which we suppos'd was to be rent into collops, and to become a Sa­crifice to hungry Vulcan. There was a numerous Family of chips about it, which were different in shape, colour, and bigness, so that they seem'd not to be the off­spring of the same Parent; they lay in a Chaos without any order, amidst which confusion the un­lucky Gibeonite that hew'd them lost the head of his Ax: The De­collation whereof seem'd ominous to the Man, and made him super­stitiously [Page 36]leave his work: My self and a couple of Gadarens that were driving Swine, made a dili­gent scrutiny for the Noddle of the Tool; which after some time we perceiv'd to lie entomb'd under the Mausoleum of a good lusty shaving. We did not perceive that it was much damnify'd by its retirement, only the dampness of its Ʋrn did somewhat abate and obscure the eagerness of its edge, and the Lustre of its Aspect. We deliver'd it into the hands of its Owner, who presently fasten'd it to the shoulders to which it did belong.

After a small offering of thanks for our careful search, the Swine­herds turn'd to the left, and we wheeling to the right, after we had jog'd over some few Acres of a phlegmatick and cold constituti­on, most happily pop'd on the [Page 37] warmer Turf of a pleasant Corn­field. 'Twas fring'd about with a Mound of Elder-trees, whose am­bitious height, and luxurient Bran­ches gave impregnable security to the nestling Birds. The Diameter of a Path run through the midst, whose Poles were transverse or thwarted the hinges of the World. 'Twas environ'd on both tides with a Sea of Corn, which being mov'd by the breath of AEolus, (that Bellows of the World) what a Flux and Re-flux was there of waves of Wheat! We pass'd through this Territory and Domi­nion of Ceres with the most exalt­ed delight. How did that Goddess sit in Triumph there! What crowds of Clients bowing their ears to her Commands and Dictates? Every Land was parted with the Isthmus of a Balk, on several of which lay the Habiliments of the Har­vesters; [Page 38]An extended sleeve of a Red Wast-coat, embracing the collar of a Leathern Jump, and touching the hem or a grafted Petticoat, presented us with the Idea of a pretty Ward-Robe. We went out of this Inclosure through the western passage of a three-raild Gate: Upon which there did directly shoot the aged Frag­ments of a decrepit wall; which over-topping our stature in height and tallness, we were forc'd to add to our quantity a Nine-inch-stone, that raising our Dimensions we might peep over it. There was scarce any thing remarkable on the other side, unless a vast Rolling-pin of humane ordure. 'Twas four Inches Diameter, and probably discharg'd from a Mus­ket bore, and that near upon the confines of a tuft of Wormwood, whose bitter scent mixt with the [Page 39]unsavouryness of Excrementitious Atoms breath'd a medly kind of stink, and gave but ordinary en­tertainment to our offended No­strils. Among the Ruines of this Mound we discover'd the Snout and some other Limbs of a mur­der'd Dial; It was not so defac'd, but that we could discover in its Physiognomy some martyr'd Figures, that were yet legible, and there were some Relicks of Lines, that were not quite obliterated. Time I presume (being vext perhaps that it should observe its motions) hath set its Grinders in it, and out of envy, and malice hath quite de­vour'd it. I am apt to think that this pile of Stones stood in its Na­tive Country, where 'twas first bred, as may be conjectur'd from an adjacent Pillar, whose preg­nancy (we fancy) produc'd this litter of Stones, it being the Mo­ther [Page 40]of these rockie Bales. We advanc'd to the Orifice of this La­pideous Womb, where were hewing Mortals, by cruel Midwifery dig­ging out the Offspring of teeming Earth. 'Twas an unpolish'd specta­cle, and the Workmen were as rough and uneven as the Prospect; and the Artificers were as intra­ctable and stubborn as the Mate­rials, or Object of their Art. Two of the most Brawny Paviers stood lolling by the Mattock that pickt them out, and a single one in a decumbent posture lay prostrate at their feet, whose Northern Ex­tremity perform'd the Office of a Pedestal to the Embryo of a Sta­tue, which was but newly hatcht, and fashion'd in a bed of Sand. The Declivity of a corner near the entrance into th' Pit gave occasion to the water to stagnate into a Puddle; through which we did [Page 41]not sail, though the trajection was very short, but fetching a circuit about its shore, we went out at the passage through which we enter'd. But no sooner had we convey'd our selves out of this hole, but after we had trac'd o're some few Furlongs of a grassy Pavement, a certain Moity of our Bodies pop'd into another, and a few steps after some of our feet happen'd into a third; and a lit­tle while after, falling down, our hands were buried in two more. We wonder'd who had punch'd so many Eyelet-holes in the Earth's skin, till seeing a Robin Run-a-hole sit mumping (like a Troglodite) in his house under ground, we per­ceiv'd the Inclosure we were in, was a well peopled Warren: We had a frisk or two after the Inha­bitants of the place; but their Heels prevented our design on [Page 42]their Scuts, for the nimbleness of the one secur'd them from imposi­tion of Salt on the other. The Sanctuary of their Burrows de­fended them from the violence of all Persecutions. Their Cells were contiguous, nay in some places they had broken down the Parti­tions, and by a frequent Burglary did invade the privacy of each o­thers apartments. The Dragon that kept this Garden of Coneys was a Zamzummin in stature, a se­cond Goliah, whose hand was Quarterstafft with a mighty Beam. They told us of an Hercules or two that came to encounter this Keeper, who ('tis said) did so out-club the Yermin, that instead of an Auger hole, he made them earth themselves in the Asylum of a Coney-hole. The Burrow of the Keeper stood near the center of his Dominions, being the Metropo­litan [Page 43]Seat of that little Nation of Rabbets. The Architecture of the Fabrick was not contemptible, being stately in height, whose top was crown'd with the magnifi­cence of Turrets, whose vigilant loftiness had an eye to the security of the circumjacent Region: The biggest wonderment we beheld a­bout it, was, That its Head did not shoot so far upward into one Element, but its Feet sunk as low downward into another, it stand­ing knee-deep, nay almost up to the Wast in Earth, having as many Stories under ground as it had a­bove. Whether the Bucks or Does were the Pioneers that dug those Cellars, or whether the Architect design'd them on purpose to pre­vent the underminings of those notable Delvers, we are not so well able to determine. We e­spy'd in a corner a wooden Strata­gem [Page 44]or two, on purpose to entrap (we suppos'd) ensnaring Rey­nard, so that that living Gin, so fatal to Pullen, dy'd himself in a wile, and one Trap was trapan'd by another. 'Twas a well contriv'd Ambush, and pretty handsomely victual'd with a good lusty Tem­ptation, which so wrought upon Reynard, that he could not by any means resist its charms, though 'tis thought he was as wise a Fox as any in Aesop, whom we never met with, without a piece of Morality tackt to their Tails.

Having pass'd the Bounds of this Rabbet-Limbo, it was not long before we were embrac'd within the confines of a spot of ground like an Orchard; For the Ranges of Vegetables gave us a shrewd suspition that Pomona had had her residence in that place: Here Au­tumnus stood lolling under the [Page 45]pressure of a Burden, being scarce able to bear so many wreaths of Fruit. His Head was crown'd so, that it bow'd with Apples; so that shaking his ears as we pass'd through, he did so pelt us with a shower, that the unlading of his Noddle made fractures in our Pates, and rais'd Tumours in sinciput as big as Kentish Pippins. The place was pretty populous with Trees, the squadrons whereof seem'd to be well disciplin'd, standing in their Ranks, and as it were in Battle-array like a well order'd Army. Here were several degrees cf Ve­getables in wonderful subordinati­on one under another from the Commonalty of Shrubs to the Ma­jesty of a Cedar. Here were In­ferior and Superior, and (as it were) Dignify'd Fruit-Trees; a­mong whom there stood a Pear-Tree, I suppose Lord Primate of [Page 46]the Hierarchy. In a South-west corner we espy'd a few vermicula­ting Hops, wrigling like worms up the Pyramid of a Pole; near which stood an Elm-Tree in the Arms of Ivy, which hugg'd it so close, that it was almost incorporated in­to it by its clasping Embraces. The Posteriours of the Elm-Tree were most barbarously chastiz'd by the Prickles of a Bramble, which the Breath of Aeolus would often move with smart Jerks. One of our company taking an occasion to pass by one of these unseen Briars, they presently had their Talons clawing upon his back, and fright­ed the Man as much as the Bush did Demosthenes, which catching him by the Coat, made him (suppo­sing it to be an Enemy) to cry out for Quarter: But the Fellow being cas'd in Leather, and the Buffness of his Coat being Armor-proof [Page 47]against the Bristles and (as it were) Hedghogism of their Prickles, they could not fasten their Fangs in his Garment, wherefore (thanks to his Stars) the Man had no hurt, but was bless'd with a great deli­verance. Toward the bottom of this Orchard lay prostrate the Trunk of a slain Myrtle, and that not far from the verge or shadow of a Cops of Beans, pretty tall in stature, and well branch'd; by the Coverlets we saw there should be Beds not far off, I suppose they were the Lodgings of Carrots, Tur­nips, and of other Roots. There were Cabbages grown to a com­mendable globosity, the roundness whereof tempted us to a Game at Foot-ball; we banded them about sufficiently, and made some of them caper over a Ten-foot wall. One of the Gamesters was hat just in the mouth, the bore whereof [Page 48]being too little for the Bullet, could not receive it into its Orifice, but however it gelded and dampt its fury, so that it did not retort with violence to the injury and detriment of any body else. We had sweat longer at the Recreation and Olympick sport of Kick-Cab­bage, had not the Breath of Cloa­cina (her habitation being near) been so strong, and been a nusance unto us.

So that being stunk out of our Quarters, we turn'd our Quarters upon the stink, and travel'd over a Grate into a Church-yard: The Track of our path lay between the Mansion house of the Levite on the left hand, and the Church on the right; behind which towards the South there stood or lay (we cannot tell which) a weather-beaten Tomb, which was Mouse-eaten at one end by that Vermin [Page 49]Time, that nibbles all things: It seem'd to be an inverted Hog-Trough turn'd topsy-turvy with its muzzle downward; but whe­ther it was or not, or whether it was purposely erected as a Monu­ment to preserve the memory of those Ashes that lay under it, we cannot tell, tho we have some reason to suspect the Former, in regard there were so many Swine a digging about, who with the natural Spades of their noses, had almost made a Pit-hole for the Stone, and so had like to have bury'd one grave in another. Here was a whole Herd of Swine a rooting as if they had been turn'd in on purpose to root up Christi­ans, as they are in the Feilds in Italy to dig up Turffles. A little Wall lay sculking about this Territory of the Dead, which we suppos'd was plac'd [Page 50]there as a Bulwark to their Ashes, but it prov'd but a feeble Fence against the intrusion of the Lambs, who made frequent Capreolls in­to this adjacent Dormitory: The mound was rais'd a little, and cap'd with Turf, and environ'd with the hollowness of a good handsome Ditch; but yet, neither Cap nor Ditch could keep these Animals from l [...]ap-frogging over them, from grazing in a Charnel-house, and from turning a Coe­mitery of Shades and Ghosts in­to a Feeding Pasture of hungry Beasts.

We mounted this wall, and mov'd on towards the Western period of our intended Journey. The bordering close was pimpled with mole-hills, which seem'd but young Protuberances not blister'd into the bigness of some neigh­bouring Banks. Leaving this [Page 51]ground behind us, we descended the Declivity of an adjoyning Pasture pretty well bearded or bristled with Thorns and Bushes; and so pass'd through a Farmers yard, where we saw an Alps of Straw, with Swine (instead of Snow) a groveling a-top on't; which put us in mind of the Am­bition of Goats, who are always clambering up the crags of Rocks. The Western Extremity of the Wheat-Hovil shot directly up the Barn, an Appendix to which stood the Apartment of the Hogs, over which was perch't a Roost for Poultry.

Not far from this Country Tus­culum stood the Island of a house in the embraces of a Moat, like Ticho's Ʋranoberg in the midst of the Sea; An antient Pile, a Re­verend Nest of as Venerable a Bird, which having taken her Flight [Page 52]hath left it a solitude. The great­est Observables were a little si­lent Bell in Duodecimo, which be­ing utterly Disleepled, hung be­tween the collops of an old wall, or rather a Mortar invers'd, which had lost its Pestle, so that it was not vocal by stroke of internal Clapper, but by knocks and blows of external Hammer; within the sound of this Bell stood a lolling washing-Block; being a woodden kind of Anvil, where the She-Vulcans were hammering out with Battle-Door the Filth of Linnen, whose unctuous Distillations were the Nile that water'd the little Egypt of the adjacent garden.

Having mov'd from this Man­sion about three or four Furlongs, we pass'd by the skirts of a rotatile Engine, in shape not unlike an House, being pack-fall'd at Top with a aridge: it seem'd to stand [Page 53]upon stilts, and to be a moving Habitation like those of the Gete [...]. 'Twas prefac'd with a Portico, in­to which we ascended by a scale of Stairs. Tho whistling Wind breath'd a Vertigo in its Pate, whose giddyness communicating a motion to its Grinders, made it whirlegig the grain into Flow­er. A little distant from hence beyond a small sandy Desert stood a Village, whose Steeple was in its center, not unlike the Mast of a Ship. This Tower as to out­ward appearance had a Portly Per­son: yet they told us it had the imperfection of Dumbness; it having been Dis bell'd for some years. They were alarm'd to Church by the Report of a Mus­ket, which the Clerk (being an eminent Guner) did usually dis­charge at every mans Door. This Clerk was a Weaver by Trade, [Page 54]and had relation to a Loom, where­in he had been ambling for seve­ral years with one Foot up and the other down, and with all his treading hath scarce got cloth enough to repair the Breaches of his tatter'd Elbows. They told us that his Trade and he had late­ly been at Cuffs, and are just up­on parting, it being such a Limb-wagging Profession, that he is not able to endure the Pennance of it. This man had wonderful skill in sweeping the Church, and 'tis thought could tell what a Clocks 'twas at the South Dial as well as most Astronomers; He was also a pretty Man of his hands for sing­ing; For when the Tune one Sun­day had ambled from him into the Chancel, and had almost caught a fall among the Non-songsters; really they told us that this No­table Man gave it such a neat [Page 55] jerk, as that he twitch it into the Church strangely. Now (I say) for the Clerk to have a rare knack of securing the Hymn from those that would steal it, Oh! Tis an excellent thing! The most remar­kable things in this Town were an Ecclesiastical Wall made of Soe­cular Mud, which mounded in the Introduction of the Parsonage: it afforded secure Harbour to Va­grant Bees, who randevozing here, became a Colony; They made so many Cells in it, that it appear'd to be the Fragment a Reverend Hony-Comb. Not far from this grew a Tree in Folio, an huge, thick, squot Elm, pounded with­in the circumferences of 4 Benches, which we suppos'd to be seats made a purpose for the Posterns of Specta­tors, when Whitsun-Ale is solemniz'd with Festivity of Fiddle, and cele­brated with Caper after Pipe and Tabour.

Immediately after our Depar­ture from this place, night over­took us, whose Sables eclipsing the Splendor of the Day, shortned our course, and crooken'd our Ca­reer aside to look for a Lodging. An happy Retrospest oblig'd us with the Prospect of glimmering Thatch, which the nearer we ap­proacht, the more visibly it ap­pear'd in the shape of an House. It was call'd by way of Irony a Castle, whose Governour was a decay'd Taylor, who having lost through an unfortunate hole of his Pockets, his Needles, Thimble, those Chat­tels of his Breeches, and Imple­ments of his Vocation, was re­duc'd to poverty. The Man was nimble of foot, though a Dwarf in bulk, so that nine of such might very well club to the elementing of a Man. After a small Collation of Tripe and Buttermilk, we tript up [Page 57]a Ladder to the apartments of our several Cabbins, where with the Poppies of sleep we refresht our Noddles to the great comfort and satisfaction of our wearied Car­kasses. After Va [...]ediction to Prick­louse, the next morning we set out with the Sun, and had not went above a mile or two, but we heard the rumor of a sad disaster which had lately befaln a Country Corydon, which was the loss of a whole pound of Candles, suppos'd to be stoln by some high-way Rat at one Robbery. The Relations were various as to the manner of the theft; some say he carry'd them away behind him like a bur­den of sticks; others say, that he hung them by his side like Bandi­leers, but most agree that he laid them upon his shoulder one by one, and ran arm'd away with the Luminaries as with so many Mus­kets. [Page 58]We were somewhat amaz'd at the horror of that sad story, fearing lest we our selves should be a Prey to those bold Banditi, who being pretty greasie, seem'd to be a good handsome Bait, and so being mistaken for Rats-bane, might be pouch'd by the Vermin: But (thanks to the Stars) we e­scap'd the Fate of the Bishop of Mentz, and march'd on upon the Fore-head of a smooth Mountain, upon the summity whereof squot­ted another Hill; but it bore no proportion to the seat it sate on, being but a Pim [...]le to it, as that was but a Mole-hill to the whole Globe; it put us in mind of Pe­lion clambering upon the back of Ossa, that false Heraldry of the Giants, Hill upon Hill, by which Bunches they thought to have scal'd Heaven; the Crown of the uppermost was somewhat deprest [Page 59]and sunk into the hollowness of a little Valley, about which stood the natural Bannisters of some Thorn-bushes, whose folding Bran­ches weav'd into a [...]attice, which threaded by the Sun-beams dappled the ground with a pleasant che [...] ­quer-work, and yielded besides a good handsome shade to the pant­ing Sheep, whose Fleeces discover'd them to have taken sanctuary here a­gainst the Persecutions of the violent heat; for the Cattle feeding within the covert, and rushing through the Brake, every Briar took Toll of their Coats, and excis'd their Backs as fast as they sill'd their Bellies; on every sprig there hung a Fragment of their Liveries, and the whole hedge was cloath'd with tatter'd Fleeces, as if Wooll had been vegetable and had grown there. These spoils were lookt upon as excellent Booty to vagrant Youth, who went about stripping, [Page 60]plundering, and (as it were) Sheep-shearing the hedges: We met a crew of these Pickeering Wool-gatherers, the very Emblems of Beggery, and but once remov'd from vilest Rascality; one Shooe a-piece, and half a Hat, a Rem­nant of a Doublet, and a Moiety of a Sleeve, a pair of Dispocket Bree­ches, and a jagged Jump, were the flower of their Accoutrements, except two or three locks of Wool tuck'd like Scuts under their Gir­dles as a Badge of their profession, and some cram'd Stockins bobbing at their sides as Trophies of their Pyracies.

Some few Furlongs from hence there was a mixt Assembly of Kine and Goats at dinner upon the Lawns; their Meal was interrupt­ed by the unwelcome salutes of troublesome Breeze, whose stimu­lation of Rump did engender such [Page 61]a Frolick, that with curled Tail and toss'd up Horn they run gad­ding and bellowing, and with their vocal Friskings, with a plea­sant kind of terror, did at once both recreate and affright the asto­nish'd Beholders: The Magistrate or Herds-man, that kept these A­nimals, was in the midst of the Tumult, who finding himself miserably involv'd in a Hubbub, with furious Club chastiz'd their Gamesomness, and with mighty busling becalm'd the uproar. This Fellow was a strange Creature, wonderfully Goth'd, and all-to-be-Vandall'd even to Barbarity it self. A Clown in grain! An uncultiva­ted Boor! A Beast of the Herd in humane shape. We propos'd a Quaery or two about the Genius of the Place; he told us the Soil was cold, and big with day, and would doubtless yield a good [Page 62] Harvest of Tobacco-pipes: And as for the People, he said they were a Pan-pudding sort of People, much addicted to that vile sort of Creature. A whole Table at a Christening is spread with a Yard of Pudding, and a Balk of Beef, a Ridge of one and a Furrow of the other, which did so wonderfully work upon their Chops, and made their mouths so water, that two of the chiefest Grandees of the Town, the Hogherd and the Hey­ward fell seriously to snouting for some few Morsels: the two-ear'd Pitcher that stood upon the Bench was Mr.- Prinn'd in the scuffle, i. e. lost a Lug in the Fray; and we were inform'd afterward that the Di [...]aff lost a Lock or two of its Flaxen Periwig.

Among Rational wonders the most remarkable Miracle of this Place, was an eminent Cot-quean, [Page 63]a meer Woman in the habit of a Man, a kind of Mal-cut-purs'd Creature, an Epicaene Animal of a twisted Gender, who hath a Pet­ticoat Soul in a Trunk-Breech'd Bo­dy, and scandalizeth Virility by skill in Housewifery. He spins (they say) like a Spider, and makes his Wheel giddy by a swift Vertigo; we observ'd him to be s [...]at [...]ly in his gate when he advan­ceth up to Spindle; and indeed was retrograde again with no little Gravity. He is a learned Crafts­man in the making of Diet, a no­table Food-Framer, who buffets the Cream till he hath frighted it into a consistence, and knock'd it into Butter, and afterward squee­zes with dexterity of Fist. He was endow'd with the gift of tos­sing of Pan-cakes, and had a won­derful knack at tempering the Materials of a Bag-pudding. He [Page 64]surpass'd the Dairy-maids in Milk­pan accomplishments, and was ex­cellently qualified for a Meal-Tub Office. He squeez'd the Curds with Cheese-pr ss Bum, and kneads the Dough with fulch of Elbow. He is a Critick at sweeping, and manageth the Beesome with migh­ty skill. We could hardly discern any mote of dust, he having dis­lodg'd from Crevis even the smal­lest Atoms; we were dazled with the Sun-shine of his radiant Brass, which was exceedingly enlighten'd by modern cleansing, he being a singular scowrer, and very know­ing and able at Sand and O [...]er­shel.

This Hen-Ho [...]s wif [...]-Mortal liv'd a monkish kind of Life, being cloister'd up in a desolate habita­tion of a certain Gentleman, who, we suppose, does fee him to dwell there to affright the Mice, and to [Page 65]be a Bull-beggar to the Rats; and also to terrifie a worse kind of Vermin which we call Theeves, who are apt to creep through the Mouse-hole of a window, and to nibble away the Furniture of a dispossest house: or possibly he might abide there to repair its breaches, and to recover it from its craziness, and by the whole­some Phyfick of frequent Fires to keep it in health, and to perswade it not to tumble, but to remain still a Mansion to the Family that owns it.

We tasted here of the Hospita­lity of this foemasculine wight, who spread a Joynt-stool with se­veral sorts of Viands; which though not very delicate, yet the variety might atone and make a­mends for their meanness. Here was the Epidermis of a Hog, the outward skin call'd the Swerd of [Page 66]Bacon, which was infected with the Jaundice, and look'd yellow; here was the Hull of a Pescod plunder'd of its Pease, and corn'd with Salt, some broken Fragments of Sheeps Trotters S. Lawrenc'd on a Gridiron; the offal of a Lark, the minc'd Spurs of a Boot­less Cock, a skim'd Quadrant of soft Cheese, well sawc'd with the Butt-ends of forked Scallions, the mouldy reversion of an Antiquated Loaf dipt in the verdure of Wa­ter-cresse Pottage, afforded us the refreshment of a pretty Collation; by the vertue whereof being some­what recruited, we mov'd for­ward and crep up the Brisket of a small Mountain, upon whose sloap­ing descent stood a Quadrangular Sheep-pen, which we pass'd through, and found pitcht with Buttons, a pretty sort of Floor and Modern M [...]saick. Not far from the most [Page 67]eastern hurdle (as near as we could observe) lean'd a ruinous Bridge, which glory'd in the passage but of one Arch, and that seem'd ra­ther Natural than Artificial; for the Impetuosity of the Current having bor'd an hole through a heap of stones, lick'd it into the shape of an indifferent Arch: At the Foot whereof stood a Smiths Shop, about a Bay of watling; it seem'd to be a pretty reverend Seat as we gather'd from the Man­tle of Green Moss upon its back. Though it was cover'd with stub­ble without, yet it was pretty to­lerably furnish'd with Iron within, as thread-bare Horse-shooes, bits of Keys, some few semicircles of Iron Rings, odd Links of interru­pted Fetters, and a broken Series of a discontinued Chain. The Vulcan was in his Den, and was hammering out Hob-nails for [Page 68]Countrey hoof. His Forge was rais'd from the ground like an Al­tar, upon which there did burn (as it were) a Vestal Fire, which blast of Bellows made much to bubble up in this little Mongibel. What Cinders were belch'd from this flaming Vesuvius, whose smoak and ashes besmutted the Pluto in this Infernal Region! who having Primitive Apparel, i. e. being skin'd over with a Case of Leather, and having a swarthy Complexi­on, did with the grimness of his Aspect, and with the horrible russel of his Breeches, fright one of the Dogs of our company into a fit of sickness; we imagin'd the Cur might mistake him for a Tin­ker, who is commonly a Disease, or at least a Nusance to those Crea­tures.

We saw nothing hereabouts very remarkable, only we met several [Page 69]Mastiffs laden with the Cargo of good lusty Bones in their mouths; they were ambling eastward; a very fine spectacle to see a Regi­ment of Curs trooping along in­stead of Bilboa, arm'd with Shoul­der-blades. We wonder'd at first from whence such plenty of Ana­tomy as to furnish them, till spy­ing the Carkass of a dead Palfry, we perceiv'd they had been feast­ed with the Viands of his Flesh, and stole the Skeleton Piece-meal. A Baker chanc'd to come by through a Gap near at hand, mounted upon just such another Morsel, ripe for Collar-maker, which being surpriz'd with the spe­ctacle of his Brother Carrion, took an occasion to start, and to dis­burden himself of his Load; which sad misfortune prov'd a lucky acci­dent to the Dogs, whereby they were furnish'd with Bread to their Meat.

Not far from hence was a scurvy Slough, most fatal (as is observ'd) to Millers, whom it sups up into the Abysse of its profundity; we saw one moving a-tit-up, a-tit-up, till he flounc'd in, and by a most disastrous Pitch-pole into mud and dirt, discolour'd his Coat, that was candy'd with the effluviums of his mealy Bags. The Neck-lace of Bells about the crest of his Beast ceas'd to be sonorous, being quite choak'd. His Meal through fright and moisture was metamorphoz'd into Pudding; and spunging up the Liquor, it grew so heavy, that it thriv'd into such unweildi­ness, as that it was almost un­moveable: we cautelously wav'd the danger of this dirt by divert­ing a little toward the northern parts of this Quagmire, and so in a dainty fine Path, and that not meanly beautify'd with variety [Page 71]of Flowers, we continu'd our Journey very prosperously, only one of our company had a most calamitous fall over an unhappy clod of the first magnitude, which undermining his Pedestals, gave him a preposterous squob, his head fainting the ground first, to the great detriment of the outward man. There run parallel with this Path a pitcht Causey (as we suppos'd) about ten Furlongs, we stept into it, and follow'd its track till it brought us into the desert of a Common, not so much as ac­commodated with Horse, Tree, House, or Man, so that here we felt the rigour of somewhat call'd hardship, the Stomack barking, the Hoof galling, the Winds whi­stling, and the Heavens dropping; all these conspir'd to make us mi­serable. At last arriving to the borders of the Wilderness, we were [Page 72]courteously receiv'd into an ho­spitable Hamlet, where we enjoy'd the blessing of an indifferent re­freshment. We took up our Quar­ters here that night, and pass'd away the evening in some perti­nent Quaeries about observables in the Place. They presented us with a pretty curiosity which seldom occurs, and that was the Copy of a Brief containing the Losses of a distressed Virgin, which because the form and stile is somewhat un­usual, we care not much if we here insert.