Advice to Balam's Ass; OR, Momus Catechised. IN Answer to a certaine Scurrilous and Abusive Scribler, ONE IOHN HEYDON, AUTHOR OF Advice to a Daughter.
By T. P. Gent.
LONDON: Printed by E. B. for Henry Marsh, at the Princes Armes at the lower end of Chancery-Lane near the Inner Temple-Gate in Fleet-street, 1658.
To the Ingenious READER.
WHen the Wisedome, Prudence, and Learning, of Mr. Osborn lively depainted in his Booke entituled Advice to a Son, had five times been invested with the Trabea Triumphali, the honourable Robe of universal applause, we had lesse reason than the female instructer hath braines, to suspect an Homero-mastix, one that durst malepertly endeovour by the interposition of his opacous and ridiculous conceptions, to eclipse the splendour of such an eminent Author.
Had any Man of Learning and Modesty throwne downe his Gantlet in defiance of some particulars, referring to study, Travail, Government, Religion, or perhaps like a Knight Errant in defence of Ladies seemingly wrong'd, my Pen should still have retain'd its quiet repose, and onely my wishes have supplyed the place of Heralds, to search the Champion, least instead of the Sword of Truth, he should wound his Antagonist with the unlawfull weapon of Malice, lent him by her Sister Vainglory. But [Page] since the Master of Gotham Colledge, a grand proficient in Bacchus's Schoole, and meriting to be chiefe professour of Billings-Gate begins to bark, I shall (he being far unworthy of Mr. Osborn's Lash) muzle him, and thank my auspicious fortune, if in requitall of my journy to fetch him Hellebore, I might pluck Narcissus, the Secretary of God and Nature, (as he stiles himselfe) from a fond admiration of the Chymaeraes of his owne braine.
He will brag perhaps that I durst not affix my Name to these my castgations of his Advice to a Daughter; and very true, for if a Cedar in literature be a namelesse overworn wittall, what may a shrub whose▪ highest honour is onely to be a lover of such, expect? I for my part esteeme it little wit, and lesse breeding, to use such dirty language as he delights in, which a Gentleman should abhor to vent, when a just offence hath blown his possion into a flame,
Yet he shall finde me so favourable as to interpret what is dubious to the best sense, and to let every thing passe for weight, which wound up in candour, shall proove equally ponderous to one graine of reason. the Author often boasts, that this his Gourd sprang up in Sixteen dayes, I may truly affirme that what you see, was but the employment of a few vacant houres.
[Page]Let your candid approbation (Courteous READER) second me whilest I fight this great Gyant, whose thundring name would affright many, although nothing is able to terrifie me; but a non-permission to subscribe your ready Servant,
Advice to a Daughter.
Who is this that darkneth Knowledge by Words without understanding?
I answer, Iohn Heydon.
Why thou Geoffrey in swabberslops, thou little Negro mounted on the Elephant of thy owne Folly, you and I will be sure to write something Authentick, as long as we can steale from Mr. Cleeveland's Diurnall-Maker.
Bravely resolved, a Noble Enemy is alwaies courteous.
Then by your own confession it is rational.
Our Gentleman likes Mr. Cleeveland's entertainment so well, that he is come againe for the other Dish, and falls on like a most undaunted Plagiarie. Send out an Hue and Crye, and you will overtake him in Company of a Characteriz'd Diurnall-Maker.
Under the five generall Heads I will cut off, and you will think him the Tripple-headed Porter of Hell.
Alas Sir, that you should forget to make a Commentary in Folio upon this Mysticall Expression: Your Enemies five Heads shall be cut off, Ergo the leaving Him no Heads, is the way to make him Tripple-Headed. If Little David (as you style your selfe) stumbles thus upon Non-sence, the Ladies may account it a sad Omen, that their Champion may chance not to kill great Goliah.
You scorn to kill him; Oh shew me the like favour, and let us both Live to make Panegyricks of your Clemency, yet [Page 19] we are couragious; Against your Cudgell wee'le furbish our old rusty Back-sword, and since you are Nettled, you shall have leave to Kick. And let him know, he is the better Man, who hath besiedged and taken a Towne; not plotted to rob an Orchard.
STUDY.
Mr. Osburn complaines of losing the Advantage of his most docil time, but you see our Author loves not Learning so well, as to thinke his most docil time worth taking notice of. Then he runs from the Sence of his Antagonist, and lends his Daughter an Use of Instruction, which he borrowed himselfe.
You may believe him, for Experientia docet Ebrios, aequè ac Stultos.Experience is the Mistresse of Ale-adorers, as well as of Fooles. And those grosser fumes corrupting the Spirits are the probable cause why his Stile is so languishing, and Booke-short-Liv'd.
If you were as Rationall in every thing as in this, you had saved me the trouble of Animadversions: It is indeed in vaine to expect the modestly-blushing-Roses, and the dapled Gilliflowres, vapouring with their double and treble diadems, in an incultivated Field, which an affected neglect of the despairing Tenant, hath dedicated to Bryars, Nettles, and the contemptible production of Thorns and Thistles.
Must I? must Sir Thomas Overbury, you should have said? from whom without so much as [Page 21] mention of his Name, you impudently steale a whole Leafe: See over Character of a meere Scholler.
What's the reason, but because most Men like Hacknyes, can't endure to goe out of their Usuall Road? for if a Scholler durst as well read the lines Engraven in Men's Foreheads, as those written in Cassick Authors; He (being not only Gold Ore, as he is a Scholler, but refined Gold, as having learn'd to exchange Probo quod Non. a contradictory humour, into Sir I kisse your Hand, a Politick and Submissive complyance) would become fit to receive the impresse of supream Authority; Being Stampt with Honour on the forepart, and bearing on the Ranverse Regall Favour and Munificency.
5 Here he fancies the Habit of the Iesuites. This is without controversie, that what is exemplarily good may and ought to be followed, let whose will be the Professours, Even pur-blinde Pagans, and the more barbarous Turks. And although some Fellowes of Colledges, have more Pride than Learning, yet since they are as petty Magistrates, their Place commands Reverence from Inferiours.
It is implanted in all Men by Nature to desire long life; And consequently, his Society must be acceptable, who is supposed a fit Embassadour, to perswade a League betwixt the four Elements, that they may unanimously concurre in resisting Death, their common and Fatal Enemie.
The seventh is tollerable.
What still more of the Beere-Warders Dialect? I must confesse your foul-mouth'd Thunderbolts can't be retorted; For you are no Naturall Knave, although a Naturall Foole, and you are no Artificiall Dissembler, although you be an In-artificiall Slanderer, and so long you are safe.
Ans. Then wo be to them who buy your Bookes, where there is so much stoln.
[Page 23] I Answer, They are wise Sentences; but onely when they stand in competition for the Garland with yours; But without an Ironie, I take leave to suspect you looked through the Vitiated Medium of your own stupendious Ignorance, when you saw his Folly upon an Hill, for if it were so evident, some other should have seene it as well as you, And if it be folly, ( Te ipso Iudice) it is as long liv'd as the greatest Wisdom; for it is an Eternall Monument, although not to make Women infamous.
It is all his owne, and that's a very punctuall Answer.
10 This is full of very significant Expressions; Mr. Cleeveland is huge happy, that he hath so much worth the borrrowing by such a Learned Author.
He speakes of no wits in the Towne, but saith Good Company is a better refiner of the Spirits, than Ordinary Bookes: Good Sir, be a little more honest in citing your Author.
Now marke Heydon's Inference, I should believe him a foolish Jugler, that sprinkles his words in any vulgar Tongue against the Lawfull Magistrate, Ecclesiasticall or Civill: A Rare Commentator, you don't blame them who murmur against a Magistrate; ay, and against a Lawfull Magistrate, so it be but in an unknown Tongue.
The Advice to a Son speaks Treason against the Majesty of our Rosa-Crucian, and yet you never regard it: He affirmes no Thiefe (The Genius of a Plagiary) is sufferable, who comes not off like a Lacedemonian, without discovery.
16 Here he commends Iohn Cleeveland. What plaine Iohn? your fellow? but let that passe towards the latter end. He insinuates want of Study makes fugitive Divines, like Cowards to run away from their text. He is an expert Disciple of theirs, and loves dearly to run quite away from the Subject he undertakes.
The 18 is nothing to the purpose; yet we will allow Sir Tho. Over. Paradox to be witty.
Although this be true, I suppose I may passe without being branded as censorious, [Page 25] if I Judge the Languages the Fathers are written in, no very intimate acquaintance of Mr. Iohn Heydon's.
It is very unjust that the Accuser should be Judge; but I'le grant you an Admirable Chymist, if you can extract Pride out of this Advice: Weare your Cloathes neat.
Here is almost an other Leafe stoln from Sir Tho. Overburie's Charact. of a Proud Man.
26 To the Father advising his Son not to Gallop through a Towne. He replyes thus;
Who can forbeare adoring this Mans Ingenuity? But to his exception, I may ad another; That if he should chance to croud a Cart up Holborn Hill, he shall have leave to make the Horse Gallop as fast as he can.
29 Our Author commends Hunting; and I shan't discommend it, provided the Hounds chase not away Moderation, without which, the Choisest Recreations are culpable. But for my owne part I affect no [Page 26] Hounds, but such as the Duke of Saxo [...] shewed the enquisitive Embassadours, which were a Pack of poore indigent persons, whom he phrased the Hounds, with which he hunted for Heaven.
How rare would this be Iack, if it held in all circumstances? why then, you long before this time had bin a very Landed Man.
Very few Wives can do the first, unlesse they Marry Sander's Disciples, or at least heare six score Lectures in Physiognomy: And when a Wife dies endowed with the second qualification, I will make a Funerall Oration for her; and speak it in the Audience of all the Good Women in the Parish: Nay more, write a Chronicle on prupose, that I might insert the strange History of her Life.
This were a rare knack indeed, doubtlesse Ladies it would make ye very slender.
How little you practised this when you called your Combatant Naturall Knave, and artificiall Dissembler, Para: 6. And with the bitter and detestable Gall of Detraction, squeesed into a rash, and maliciously censorious Pen, write him the curled lock of Antichrist Par: 39.
A strange comparison, what will he that hath discovrsed so. Theologically, make of Sion? A Temple for Dagon, by prophanely comparing together the Curse of the King of Kings, and the slights of proud vaine glorious Dust. The sweet waters of Jordan ought not to be contaminated, by commixing the Marah of our Trivial conceptions.
If this be to be Vertuous for Vertues sake, doubtlesse Vertue hath A numerous Retinue of such, who had rather lye in Sack-cloath then in Beds of Downe, where Rottennesse should be their Bed-fellow, and loathsome Diseases, not with Flea-bites, but Viperous Stings, mortally wound the brittle Fabricks of their Bodies; anticipating Hels Eternall Torments, by the Violent Rackings of temporall Miseries.
LOVE & MARRIAGE.
1 Here like A Spoon-feathered Philosopher, He discourses what Love is; and hath nothing worth Observation but one deepe Criticism: How that Hatred is expressed by the Latins, sometimes by Odium, sometimes by Taedium.
2 You Tredeskin fopperie, do you place Ladies in your Cabinet of November?
If they be such Jewels as you talk of, they merit some Cabinet, or other; And I think [Page 29] your Book might augment Tredeskins fopperies; for if that were but there, you had inabled Him to shew, another Feather of the Bird of Paradise.
3 He is so favourable now as not to answer by way of opposition, but of illustration; and since he hath consulted with Reason rather then Rage, I won't deny him my Euge.
4 Iohn a Nokes, I have answered this in my last Paragraph, &c.
Here John A Styles brings his Action of Defamation, against John a Nokes, because He hath compared his Daughters to painted Boxes, which Children, and Time will empty of delight, and leave nothing but Diseases: well played Sophister, you onely take what you can carp at, A little Honesty would have inserted what was immediatly subsequent to your Quotation; namely these words, Or at the best incurable Antiquity. And I suppose few Ladies think their [...]dding Beauty, counter-proofe, against the con [...]ensed Frosts of old Age.
Tis true like a prudent Father, He would perswade His Son (when He might make A [...]rosperous Voyage going Mate with Riches,) [...]
A very proper Term; why, because he is an Enemy to Women?
The threatning Waves of Cruelty rore in some Mens Brests, but for the most part they submit those frothy Tympanies to the experimented Physick of right Reason, but Feminine Malice is too often found inexorable.
There are few Enemies so generous, and brave spirited, as not reciprocally to wound one another, with the secret Stilletto o [...] forged Disparagements. Some of our Sex experimentally condemn their Brawling Wives. And some out of a peevish affected singularity, endeavour to staine the immaculate Candour of Womens Goodnesse. Yet thus far we must acquit Men, as to a vow that many Skars in their Reputation have not bin the result of Virile Hatred, bu [...] of the unbridled flashings of fema [...] Tongues.
[Page 33] Man of himselfe Sir, is a Microcosm; but this Matrimoniall Incorporation, proves often a contraction of the great World; when thousands of Acres are contracted by Pride and Prodigality, into the narrow limits of a Burying-Place.
I answer, Pleasure may fitly be a sufficient Invitation to a short Walk; But he who Travels, without certainty of Returne to the Happinesse of a Single Life, must furnish himselfe with an answerable Viaticum, and cannot undertake such a Journey soly upon hopes to meete Pleasure, without he first banish Discretion. Although I should write a libell against Nature, if I should accuse Her of noting my Body with such an impotency, (discoverable by others, or knowne to my selfe,) as might render me unapt for the Slaughterlesse conflicts of Venus; Yet I can read thus much by the slender Glimmerings of Reason my Soule enjoyes, that the gratification of the sensuall appetite is very Momentary, and tis onely Vertue [Page 34] that as a secondary Cause, can Echo GOD's promise, and say, I will make him an helpe meet for him.
He that discharges his Birding-Piece heedlessely, deserves not the Title of a Good Shooter, although perchance a stragling shot should tumble downe a Bird; just so you let fly at random your Chaine-Shot, Episcomastix; and therefore should you hit, ingenuity would not assoyle; because you could not levell at any irreverent speech, vomited upon the Pillars of the Church.
and To those who account Every Woman a kinde of Sybil, and what ever falls out of their mouths a sacred Oracle, this may hold good: None can deny that some Women are wiser than some Men, but that in the generall Mens wits should be comparatively blunt, I shall scarce make the 13 Article of my Creed.
The Vestals were chosen into the Nunnery, betwixt the Sixth and Eleventh year of their Age. And tis observable, that [Page 35] notwithstanding they were not prohibited Marriage after their thirty yeares expiration; yed did they usually abstaine, because, who Married, in the end dyed A fearefull death. I for my part account it facil to carry that chastity inviolated to the Coffin, which for the succession of forty yeares, had quenched the wild Fiers of Lust.
The old Knights Errant, used to make the Breath-lesse Gyants Heads witnesse to confirm the Victorie: Had you struck of your Enemies Head, and on the top of your Speare Presented it to the Ladies, you should have purchased beliefe: The onely way to conquer, is to begge some auxiliary forces of sagacitie from the Rosa-Crucians; for you may feare that at length the badnesse of your cause, and the impossibilitie of paying Arreares, may make your Lord Generall and Lord Admirall, Overbury, and Cleaveland, to desert you.
TRAVELL.
A King is frequently Surnamed Longimanus, because the Energie of Supreme Authority is very comprehensive: But what is the extent of action, compared to the immense circumference of Thought? and yet you have seene more then Kings can comprehend in their thoughts? did you not in your travells see the poles upon which the Heavens turne? and were you never Astrolo-Medicus to the Queene of Fairies.
Tis A Maxime, Vnus Oculatus Testis, ualet Auritis decem: One eye-witnesse is worth ten such as have no other basis for their Testimony then Heare say. If English Gallants crossed the Seas, (as Posthumius, Sulpitius, Manlius, [Page 37] by whose observations the Romanes made those excellent Lawes, call'd after ward Leges, Duodecem Tabularum) to dreine other Nations of what might be really serviceable to themselves, or the common-wealth; Travell would prove A great accomplishment: but since it is. A generall Debaucher, I count him no more Foole that takes upon Trust from good Authors, and can confine his desires to the Chest (as you call it) of one Countrey, as He that dares vie for all things except Antiquity, with Drakes Ship; the imagined Girdle of the world.
If you please to know what A Genius is, be sure to set the edge of your apprehension, and attend this Description.
A Genius is that which from God to one of the seven Spirits is given, to be transferred by Sephiroth the severall orders of Angels, to the Spheres of the Planets; Lastly, the Moone raises it through the Elements, and infuses it into the body of Man.
This Bolt is shot against that grave advice, Shun all Disputes, but Especially concerning Religion. See how Non-disputation, and the registring cohere. And observe what A strong man our Author is that there is not any thing, but he can Pull in by the Head and Eares. As you have Examples, in this and the following Paragraph.
The Sitxh subsequent are pretty moderate and though he writes at the begining of every One, I answer, I answer; His answers are not occasioned by A contradictory Spirit, but because He hath sworn to say some-thing though it be the same in Sence with those Aphorismes flourishing in that Rhetorical Tempe Advice To A Son.
18 Either Good Wits jumpt, or you and Sir T. Over. Traviller met.
The ninteenth is A Remnant of the [...]ame stolne Cloath.
20 Here He mislikes that His Antagonist [Page 39] should be Servant both to AEsculapius and Astraea. A Doctor of Physick, and A Justice of Peace,: Why? I hope Sir, that you are not offended, if A Physitian Anatomises the Law, but if He be A Doctor of Physick, I wish he would cure you of the Frensie; Or if He be A Justice, make you a Mittimus to Bedlam.
Surely all your Daughters are lovely, or not much beholden to you for your Councell, what must none but Comely Girles have Husbands? Pray see what a good Father yee have, excellent Councell, except sage advice. If any one be crooked, shee is A Bride for None but Death. If the Small Pox digges your Face, And makes it selfe Cavities, as A Common shore to carry away the filth and corruption of the Bloud; Yee, may whistle for An Husband and Crie into the Bargaine, and yet go without.
But what if yee were lame or had but One Eye? then yee should be thought stark blinde, if yee entertained A thought of An Husband. And why may not Men marry unhandsome Women? Oh, because then of Necessity they shall have such Children: [Page 40] which quotidian experience confutes. I admire Beauty, and yet can look upon the greatest fulgour of A charming countenance, without dazeling my Eyes. I entend tolerable Comlinesse, should make A part of my entertainement in the Bridal Bed: yet I both can, and do look upon Notorious deformities, not with contempt, but Pitty, and that Pitty is not blab'd abroad to their discontent, but lockt up in my Breast, as a motive to thankfulnesse for God's more Merciful Dispensation, And disposition of corporal Materials, in the Architecture of my Souls Mansion.
24 Here you have the second part to the same tune of affectate Traveller which (ah me) is now at A period. Well, however it hath done, you know who, good Service; in this, and the forementioned places. I am afraid you will shortly be a bankrupt; You use to sell Overbury by whole Sale as in the meere Scholer, P. 7. &c. and what is Wit such a scarce commodity, as you are compelled to Retaile? And he that uses to steale whole Characters makes one serve to stop three Vacuities, Para. 18. 19. and 24. fie, fie, you drive but a pittifull Trade.
Ay, and carefulnesse too is farre short as to warranting security from the Theevish contrivances of A whole Familie not seldom trained up from their Cradle in such excercises.
Our Author was A Gentleman of Quality, and Estate, in the Golden Age; and I believe much about that time kept great Store of servants. Onely perhaps the Fallacie lies here, that as much as He is worth may quickly be lost. But if you dont like that Solution, I can reconcile his words to Truth another way, as thus, our Author makes use of A Prosopopaeia, And so 'tis not He to his Daughters, but Sir Walter Rawleigh to His Son, that secures Truth, and fills this twenty fifth Paragraph.
Yes, yes, by all meanes put your Daughters in breeches instead of Petticoats; And Saylors Frocks instead of Gownes: And [Page 42] let them Ramp through Greece, AEgypt, Arabia, Part of Africa, Italy, Spaine, France, and Germanie, which their Father did trash over, if you list to beleeve Him. Pa. 104. But no mote of that; let Him who hath Travelled so many Kingdomes answer this Dilemma. This and severall other improper Passages in your Booke, are either Advice to A Daughter, or to a Son, if to A Daughter, why do you foolishly and impertinently put Hercules Clubbe, into the Hand of An Omphale, by giving Advice to A Daughter concerning Travell? when the greatest Commendation of A Woman, is to keepe the House, and not to Travell further then Duty (if you view Her as A Daughter) and coniugal obedience (if A Wife) commands, or the Poverty of Her Neighbour implores. On the other side, if your directions be onely proper to A Son, why bears your Book this Inscription and Title; Advice unto A Daughter.
To the men READERS concerning WOMEN.
Now Mens Heades are broke, there is A kind Gentleman will afford them An Emplaster, [Page 43] I meane the very same that blazons Himselfe by the name of Mr. Heydon, Pa. 111. This Gentleman of his own dubbing, there mentions A Book of his, which He calls the Rosacrutian Method of Physick, but I shall referre no man thither, to transcribe a Receit for the procuring Content, since He may consult these words in the next Leafe.
Therefore if you cannot forbeare to Love, forbeare to Link. His Reason is, because after a while you shall finde an alteration in your Selfe, and see another farre more pleasing then the second or third Love.
From their Talke you may inferre, that their Heads are not troubled with foundding of Tyrannies.
Nothing is more undecent, and distastfull, then that A Woman should act the part of an Eagle, and domineer over her Iron: yet sometimes We see, that the Husband hath onely the name of Master, whilest the Wife exercises A Tyrannicall Monarchy, over the familie.
I deny that, unlesse they want A Father, for if the Mother, who is better then Her Children, considered as A concurrent cause to their Being, is obliged by right Reason to be ruled by her Husband: it is irrationall She should Challenge his Prerogative, to rule over them, unlesse as A Deputy under Him.
4 Government.
Severall Sections at the beginning if Candor be their Advocate, may endure the test: they being rather A Stragling Comentary, then A refutation. Therefore we shall leap over the foure first Mole Hils, without leaving the foot steps of our Disdaine.
I answer, Tis true, Liberty is the Darling of the Universe, and hath had such A confirm'd Empire in the Hearts of every Man, that few are so pusillanimous, as not to dare to encounter manifest Disadvantages, and the most Astonishing Remora, in defence of this their great Diana. Nay, not those alone whose Soules are enlightened by the Caelestiall Raies of Reason; But the very Beasts whose entitie is one way or other to be serviceable to their great Lord Man; do shew either a more secret, or violent reluctancy, against the ungratefull yoake of Servitude▪ The Lyon by His Roring, is his owne [Page 46] Herald to proclaime Warre against his Jaylor. And the Innocent Linnet, which ravishes our jocund Eares, with the sweet, and Harmonious Agitation of his little Throat: will notwithstanding ransack the upper, and lower roomes of his nauseated Cage, and seeme by A melancholy posture, to insinuate discontent, because he is prohibited the enjoyment of chirping Revels, which His warbling Kindred daunce on the contiguous Bushes. It was therefore venial in the ettimicks who had second Causes for their Hemisphere, and were not assisted by divine Benignity to take the Altitude of Providence; to reward them with the triumphal Laurell, who nefariously had died their own Robes Purple, in A Tyrants Blood. But Xtians, who shall not need to consult deluding Delphos, with the blind-fold Heathen; but may enquire at the sacred Oracles of God's most holy Word: shall not finde their affected Ignorance a satisfactory Apologie, if they understand not that God permits as well A Ieroboam, for A Scourge to chastice refractory Israel: as sends a Iosiah, for a consolation to God's peculiar People. The result of all is, that tis the greatest Liberty to obey Lawfull Authority, and to use [Page 47] no other Weapons against the supreme Power (suppose it tyrannicall) but heaping Coales of fire upon its Head, by the Evangelicall Stratagem of forgivenesse and Prayer.
Who is this learned Shentle man? Learned is the received compellation of Grotius: What ist he? Oh no, 'tis the Learned Mr. Heydon. But I thinke our Author, (who is well known to be an intimate Acquaintance of His) can't prove his words no, not although he had the stout and approved Duellists, Barbara, Celarent, Darij, Ferio, to be His Seconds.
One of Regal Dignity, desired not to trouble His Son with the Acquisition of any other Learning, but the neat Art of Dissimulation. And AEsop's Cat, knew no greater allurement to destructive Security, then the making A League with the Credulous Mice. Yet the syncere Lovers [Page 48] of Government, are content to receive excuses from their Common Fathers, Without A rigid examination of their Validity.
from whom (Pardon my audacitie) I a little dissent in one particular, beginning Line the seventh. For tis frequently seen that Age consolidates that Friend-ship which was begun young, and makes that to become syncere, which had first peradventure had no stronger Conglutination, then A Plaufible complyance in youthfull vanities.
And I for my part Mr. Heydon, delight not in arguing any thing blame-worthy which may deserve a favourable construction: and therefore (as you may oft observe) I shall requite a minim of Modesty, by my Pens leaping over this fifteenth Para: without a crosse Dash of Correption.
[Page 49]Your Daughters may retort upon you, as the young Crabb did upon his Mother, reprehending: Him for retrogradation I shall follow, if you set Me an example.
So do I, and yet I know that I should be voted worthy of Death, by the Councell of Warre belonging to the Lord of Hostes; if I should engage my Enemy, before Divinity as Generall, and Prudence as my Captain give the Word.
20 I have perused this head, and finde experience ready to attest the truth of your Adversaries advice. And therefore I adjudge him an English Knave that squirts aagainst him an opprobrius scoffe; in denominating him Don Guzman, the Spanish Rogue.
23 This is very Poetical, if Fiction suffice, And A mynsterious Hirmos, guarded with an Army of Hyperbolies, commonstrate, that He is Cousin Germin (not above nine times removed) to a Rhetorician. As for the charge you exhibit against your subtil Proteus, in excilling the Chamaelion by the assumption of whitenesse, you [Page 50] your selfe may (if fame, and certainty, have drunk to one another the Poculum Charitatis) excell the Camaelion in his unacquainted Red: For although Nappy Ale, seldome displies the pockets Or; yet it often blasons the Nose Gules.
Take heed likewise how you manage A good Cause for your Client. Negligent Remisnesse, is many times Mother of as mischievous Events, as down right Knavery. A good advocate sets all his wits upon the Tenter-hookes, that his Clients Cause may not be overturn'd, by the boysterous winds of his opposing Brothers. A confident Pleader, is well nigh sure to crown A good Cause with conquest when A bad Cause, (if the Judges Head hath a shelfe for St. Austin, as well as for Sir Edward Cook, I mean is both Learned and Consciencious) shall make A bad Market: Although fringed with the most select Rhetoricall Raptures, and burnisht with an undaunted impudency: Our times would prove Halcion dayes, if every Gentleman dignified with the long Robe, did but intently [Page 51] ruminate upon Christ' s precept, and King Iames his motto; Beati Pacifici; neither can we totally attribute it to the Lawyers Breath, that the sparks of discencion are cherist into destructive Flames. The impetuous vulgar, seemes resolv'd to blow up their own estates with the restlesse prosecution of Revenge: And that contention many times devours whole estates, besides the tedious exactation of many yeares patience, (as if poverty were so coy, that She requires such obsequious Servants, and necessity must needs be Treated at such vast expence) which by two Judicious and impartiall arbitrators, might have been compos'd, and ended for the honest Corydon, in little more time, then He takes to bounce on his Leather Array, when the shrill Song of a pusillanimous Cock, hurries him away to Plough. I shall commend to Lawyers serious thoughts, as an Amulet against Covetousnesse, their capital Crime, A Quaere of more concernment, then any to be found in Dyer; which himselfe puts Math. 16. verse, 26. What is A Man profited if He shall gaine the whole world and lose his owne Soule? or what shall A Man give in Exchange for His Soule. To the Comminality, [Page 52] I shall prescribe Arbitration as the most Speedy, and Soveraign emplaster, to heale their Wonndes: whither in Good-name, Body, or Estate. And never Trot to Westminster Hall, unlesse irreconcilable Oppression, and violent Necessity serve yee with A Sub Paena.
I answer, A Noble-mans protestation, is lookt upon by the Eye of the Law, as aequipollent to the Oath of An inferior person. If the unanimous Reason of A numerous Assembly of Wise Men, thus aporov'd the Starres; what may We conjecture of the Sun? If Honour can equitably plead A general comprobation, much more may the lustre of Words, of Oaths, which can vouch Majestie, be conceived abudantly able to expell the Mists of unbeleefe, praejudice, and such grosse Calumnyes, as yours, That they are both Trifles.
[Page 53]Tis great pitty you speak experimentally; Alasse, it was for want of that profound Science, published by Heydon, and mentioned, Pa. 114. to converse with their Genius, or Angell, in A corporeal Shape; who knowes but he might have rounded Him in the Eare, and taught, how to extricate Himselfe out of the fallacious Labyrinths, of Humane Machinations.
RELIGION.
Para: 3.
I do not think the greatest Clerks are nearest Heaven, much of their Learning is superfluous. Since England was made A Goshen, by the distinguishing light of refined Religion, whilest some of her neighbour Nations were left groping, and stumbling in the langible darkenesse of Error, and Superstition; Scholers have not (as I may say) Monopolized Heaven: But the unlearned can understand God, speaking in their owne language, by the mouth of His holy Word. Let Agrippa write de vanitate Scientiarum to to prove that Every Science, hath its mixture of vanity: Onely Ignorance, the profest Enemy of the Muses, dares take up the Gantlet against this Truth, That Men polisht with Literature, are more adapted to serve God, and their Countrey, and to become Vessels of the Sanctuary, then the knotty Blocks of common Capacities which never were so happy as to meet with the Plainer of Education: But although this is [Page 55] confest, yet let those brave Souls, whose Victories over the most crabbed and disheartning Sciences, have merited Statues upon the Ambitious Brow of Parnassus; take this as A Memento; that God is no respect or of Persons: And Pride, that tumbled Angells out, shall exclude from Heaven Man, who is but Dust, and the Son of Man, who is but A Worm. A Scholers greatest Embellishment is Humility usher'd into the World, by an inaffectate affabilitie.
When the Scribes, and Pharisees, by vailed and claudestine Wickednesse, had so farre insenced the Lamb of God, that takes away the Sinnes of the World; as that He like A Lyon of the Tribe of Iudah, denounces Vae Vobis Scribis, et Pharisaei. We be unto you Scribes, and Pharisees! the Ever blessed Jesus, oft times immediately subjoyns Hipocritae, ye Hipocrites: denoting that Hipocrasie, was A principall matter in their indictment: it being of so heighnous A Nature, that it forces A curse from the bowells of infinite Mercy. Some of the ancient Heroes, have detested A Vistory, borrowed from their Enemies security, [Page 56] and the opportunity of A dark night▪ (When Sol taking repose after his diurnal Careere, and fair Phaebe Neglecting to light her Torch,) woed them to surprize their Enemies Pavilions, And makes them Exchange an opacous Skye, for the gloomy Tenements of solitary Ghosts. And what A shame is it for Christian Souldiers, who fight under the Banner of the crosse, to steale a Victory over their Bretherens Lives, and Estates, be trayed by an innocent Credulity, not able to discover the frownes of An Enemy, toucht under the Mask of A formal Hypocrasie: yet this Glo-worme, although it shines to the heedlesse passinger, taken up in the Hand of prudent Circumspection, loses its fraudent splendour; And He that was alwaies▪ odious in the Eyes of God, becomes now dispicable in the sight of the World. A Man can't cheat another of A penney, but He loses. A Talent of that caelestiall Gold, which will Crown uprightnesse, and Pietie, in the Heaven of Heavens. Permit Hypocrasie to blind the World, thou art represented base in thine owne Eyes, by the terrible knawings of Conscience: so that were there never A Cato to passe sentence on thy misdemeanours, [Page 57] Selfe conviction would at last compell Thee, to approve the Orators Councell: [...].
Do nothing culpable, out of Hopes to conceale it: for although you may hide it from others, you will be conscious to your Selfe.
THE grand prop of the Levellers assertions, is that community practised by the Primitive Xtians: which Argument is not satisfactorie to any, but Ignorant, and Ambitious Persons; who abhorre the thought of cuffing Povertie away, with A Fist hard Labour hath made Brawney: and are very sorry to Plough any mans ground, but their own. No wonder, if under the Churches persecution they liv'd together who were to die together, They might well sacrifice their Estate to Charity, who every day expected to have their Lives offered up to malicious Fury: And this community was by Consent, not by Constraint; And so [Page 58] now, A Man may Lawfully share halfe another Mans Estate, by the owners permission. We need no other Stratagem to tumble down the Levellers Scaling-Lathers, then this; That the maugurating Sentence, Come yee Blessed, &c. As also that dreadful Doome, Go yee Cursed, are expresly referr'd by the Omnipotent Lord Cheife Justice of Heaven to works of Charity. As feeding the Hungry, Cloathing the Naked, &c. From hence I conclude, it Evident, to every unbyassed Judgment, that it is God' s Pleasure, (And therefore not to be Contradicted,) that there should be some Poore to the end of the World. Or else, how should the Goates on Christs left Hand, go into everlasting Punishment, ( Math. 25. vers. 46.) for the Omission of feeding the Hungery, Clothing the Naked, Visiting the Sick, &c.
Now if every ones Estate be equall, where will be the Object of Charity, of which there is such A singular Care taken by the Holy Jesus? As for the irrational, and peremptory Fifth-Monarchy Men, (the faeces of An impudent, and perverse Generation,) who by Stalking with the Enthusiasticall notion of A Fifth [Page 59] Monarchy, Catch some male content Artificers, and infine endeavour to Erect A sedicious, and Diabolical Anarchy, Since they will not Learn Obedience to Governours from the Word of God; I leave Them to the Sword of the Magistrate, for Confutation
You seeme to discent from this opinion, and father it upon Culpeper; Let it be whose Child it will, Reason scorns to acknowledge it Legitimate: For I must not resist an unjust Power by unjust Meanes; how much lesse repel, A Just Power by any meanes I can complot▪
There is no necessity you should venture your invaluable Soule, in the Bottoms of your Progenitors opinions: You may choose your Religion; onely as an obsequious Son (because nothing is more facil then to erre,) let the plausible infallibility of your tender, and indulgent Mother the reformed Church, assist, and direct you in the Choyce.
He that is Holy will endeavour to do this; And he that is wise, will regard nothing throughout the Paragraph, but onely this.
I see second Thoughts are best you said pa. 162. you have seen matters fall out so unexpected, neither Astrologer, nor Rosacrucian, could give any successfull Iudgement of them: And that A Rosacrucian, sometimes to your knowledge lost himselfe, in the Clouds of the Worlds occasions. I admire How the World should delude them to whom alone, the misterious Writings of Providence are Legible.
Oh Sir, I know you draw neer your end you talk so Idle. Now you are Lunatick, the Clergy is as changeable as the Moon. [Page 62] I suppose you are beholden to the Clergy, & Shelton, or some of his Brother Brachygraphers, for the best part of your Booke. A Good Divine, indeed, may be compared to the Moon; which (with due reverence) I do thus. The Moon communicates no light of her own. So the Piow, Clergy, will not obtrude their own conceptions: but speakes to the People, as the Spirit gives them utterance. The Moon encreaseth, and decreaseth. So doth the Orthodox Clergy; first encrease in Learning, then decrease in their own conceit, and bodily strength; spending the Oyle should feed the Lamp of Life, That they might guide their Flocks, in the waies of Truth: But how are Ministers Tongues full of Noveltie? can any thing be News to A Rosacrucian? Mira canis, This is News indeed to Me.
CONCLUSION.
Para. 3.
Remember how much Mr. Culpeper and his Wise have done▪ for you, & thank [Page 63] God for your happinesse, I shall not strive to break Mr. Culpeper's Urn: Yet you can't say of him, in relation to us, What we can ( posito Sexus discrimine) say of his Wife, in relation to you; That she hath done for you, even more then one would desire A Woman to do; And therefore least you should forget Her, (who so frequently forget your Self,) & so rest unthankfull for your happiness, rob the Art of Memory, of such images, as are apt for that purpose. For example, suppose you were to remember A certain Animal, cal'd A Cuckold; you may Seale your Memory, with the sign of the Buls head or else meditate upon the Brow-Anclets of Actaeon.
I answer, if your Prayers be such, my Amen, shall not conclude them. Spiritual Physicians, sorrowfully [Page 64] understand, that where one Patient needs A Cordial, Thousands want Corrasives. Our Corruptions, require several Cupping Glasses.
Let thy Ministers, O Lord! cry aloud, and Awake our drousy Souls; let us swallow, and digest their Reproofes, although never so bitter. And let us alwaies, with A filial, feare so dread thy Iudgements, that thou mayst not enter into Iudgement, with thy Servants: But drown, oh drown, and over-whelm our Sins, in the fathomlesse Ocean of thy Mercies, and Crown our souls with blesse, and Immortality. Amen.
When will that be in Platos great yeare? you may save your Labour, the old rusty Sword wil never be furbished; We will grant you an Act of Oblivion, if in the Next Book you choke the Press with; (for all your works are very dry) you prostrate your selfe in an ingenious Recantation, at the feet of Grave, and Learned Mrs. Osborn. With indefatigable [Page 65] sedulity, Study that great Lesson, of knowing A mans Selfe. Learn Humility. Court modesty. Exercise Candor, on all Occasions. And be not so stupid as to imagin, the Shadow of your frothy, and Contumelius expressions, able in the least to obtenebrate The Honour, and Luculent Reputation of A Starre, of the first Magnitude, in the Sphere of Parnassus.
Upon the Title.
MODESTY is the greatest Ornament that a Daughter can borrow from her common Mother Nature, or hath inoculated into the flexible yeares of her Minority, by the circumspection of a prudent education which your Daughter must of necessity want, if she either follow her Father' s foot-steps, or imprint in her memory his sullied exclamations.
Your opposition is onely culpable in this, that such a Pygmy as you, wage war with an Eagle in stead of a Crane.
1 Studies.
What shall your Daughter be a Minerva, or rather a Pope Jone, for she must it seemes be a Student, and your first two heads treat about Free-Schooles, and Universities, that there wants nothing but the pretty little Elixar, and then Squire Rosa-Crucian the trick is done.
Any that we will allowe, let them have their longing.
Your Daughter must be a gossip forsooth, but let her travell we shall not want any of your breed, and perhaps by diligent enquiry, she may find out and transport her Fathers wits; which have so long been a wool gathering in Spaine, or at least in Vino Hispanico, and are now fallen under the inquisition.
This head, by him that had an head piece, might have been totally omitted. A woman shall not need to make Machiavel her sampler: And tis the priviledge of the weaker Vessels to lie at ancre in safe Harbours, whilest men, the serviceable ships of war frequently sinke one another, by the impetuous firing of open violence; or give chase, untill the quick sands of dissimulation and envy, glory in the wrack of the now transparent carrick.
Let serious study first embroyder your own soul, with the eleven morall vertues, resolutely solicit Heaven untill you obtain the three Christian graces, Faith, Hope, and charity: Then when your soul shall be a pure fountain, I shan't resist, that all your daughters should zealously imbibe your religious precepts.
I am glad your Book shall have an end although sorry that you should stagger six [Page 4] miles in such a difficult road, where your despicable wit, and indiscernable learning know scarce one step of the way, yet you are sure of fit company, if the Adage be true, Stultorum omnia plena. But it matters not when your book ends, for a few lines will make the Reader weary, and inable him to conclude, what both it and the Author are; that is to say none of the wisest. And if there be any one misdoubts it, let him or her rather (for 'tis the advice to a daughter,) open, and they may at the first search receive an undeniable demonstration.
Make roome for the noble Gentleman Mr. Eugenius, and his friend Mr. Mr. a very hard name, I wonder who was his God-Father: His name begins with T. H. but tis not Thomas, nor Theophilus, nor Theodosius, O now it comes, now it comes, tis Theodidactus. Pray sweet young Gentlewomen, let me adde this advice to your good Fathers, that yee would every day get without book, one sillable of your Dad's name; And so in nine daies, yee shall overcome a nine daies wonder, but honest [Page 5] Sir Eugenius, would no name serve your [...]urne that is English, or Latin, but you must needs trouble some old Reader, to buy a new paire of Spectacles, that he might take up an old snip of Greek to make Iohn Heydons daughter an Apron? Alasse why shouldest thou provoke him to curse Scapula, because it is a longer voyage from A to B. then from the twenty fifth to the twenty sixth of Iob? If you had been desirous to have been adopted a Grecian; I could have furnisht you with a name, but I dare not write it in Greek, least you should make Affidavit my pen drew conjuration circles, 'tis Diabolus; not that I esteeme you a Divell, no, for the Divell hath wit, although he wants grace. But because I finde that name in the Muster-roll of that Regiment to which you belong, namely, in Plautus his Asinaria.
Thus having escaped the formidable jawes of this Attick B [...]gg. Bear, if we please to turne over a new leafe, fortune may be so propitious as to shew us a name sutable to an English eare, and not bafling the retention of a vulgar memory.
To the excellently accomplished Gentleman, Mr. Charles Bruton Cittizen and Merchant Adventurer of London, &c.
Whither [Page 6] these Epithites are deservedly ascribed, let Mr. Brutons acquaintance be Umpires: If they be, I wish his Fame had a more worthy Trumpeter: If they are not, let him (to supply those defects▪) without procrastination admit himselfe Pupill to Morality, and what erudition is ingenuous.
I shall onely make this adjoynder:
‘I here trouble you with a short discourse,’ if your Patron instead of every way, be but any way accomplished, you never spake truer, then when you said I trouble you.
That's easily granted,
That's right, unlesse it be to Dunne Lord of Tyburn, who by way of requitall, may for the small sum of thirteen pence halfpeny, added as a gratuitie, make you tenant for life of his tri-angular patrimony.
you may [Page 7] very well begge it, for you don't deserve it. But tis well, that you will have one Place in your book, that carries a tincture of modesty.
may be so, but had'st thou had but half the conference with the starres, that Nic. Culpeper thy predecessor had; Thou wouldest have begun thy reading, or to be sure thy scribling, under a more fortunate Planet, both for thy owne credit, and the Stationers profit.
Indeed this particular is something severe, but he that would drive an head strong youth to riches and honour, may well take leave to hold the Reines straight.
you are no artificiall gamster it seemes, for in recompence of sixteen daies shuffling, I know no body ever cut you an Honour, yet you have aptly expressed your mushrom to be sauce for spare houres, for he must have very little to do, that bestowes the reading.
yes, for tis not a Doctors Gown, but a [Page 8] fooles coat that excites laughter.
I don't know whether it be your ign [...] rance or the Printers negligence, that can [...] distinguish betwixt Vocation and Vacation but, peradventure your Vacation is you [...] Vocation, as it is with others busie to as litt [...] purpose as your selfe.
He was namelesse 'tis true, but 'tis this [...] wonder at, how he durst at last disclose hi [...] name, when such a Man as Mr. Iohn Heydon had vowed himself the Champion of wronged and abused Ladies. And as for over worn wittal, because you are not Compos Mentis, you shall be constrained to die intestate, and reserve that for your heires; but because you are ambitious to be eminent in something, since there was one Asinius Pollio a famous Orator among the Romans, & one Porcius Cato, a Man almost as wise as our Author, what if you assume Wittalius? that you who are Vir trium Literarum, may become a nobleman Trium Nominum, or rather if you would set up Bills, and exact Farthings a piece for the Sight of a profound exact Rosacrucian, stile your selfe, [Page 9] Don Iohannes Heydonus, Wittalius, Eugeni [...], Theodidactus De More Fields, and then it will do, I'le warrant you.
It was you adulterated the Presse, for not only two at a time, but two hundred witnesses will attest, that Non-Sense and your Daughter lay there together, and 'tis you abuse Ladies & gentlewomē, & not he, who dare take upon you to instruct them when a chequered kitchingstuff Wench might reach you to reverence your betters, and a Lady of fourteen judiciously deride some of your notions.
Sir, I should have been thankfull if you had quoted the place; but take it, for once upon your credit, it houlds true yet, for although he said no Man durst answer him, He was never so angry with AEsop, as to deny that the dull Ass could bray Reproaches against the couragious Bore.
You are very charitable in pleasing to visit the sick, but since you have borrowed so much Divinity to garnish out the collation of Advice you present the Ladies with; let me entreat this favour, that you would not defie a Maccabee of all People, because the Maccabees are descended from the house of Levi.
What Sir are you horn mad? I thought all this while by your mad prating, that your braines were at Iericho, but make an antidote of a poyson, and if Rams-Horns blew downe the outworks of Ladies reputations, winde your own horns whether you have the horns of Aries, Taurus, or Capricorn, actually left you by Nic. Culpepper for a legacy, or onely vertually in Causa Efficiente. and then one don't know, but that you may tote the [Page 11] diseased Maccabee into Repentance, down with His Honour like the Walls of Iericho, & force him to give all His Estate to the Printer, that His Recantation might be published in Capitals large enough to be distinctly Read, by the Inhabitants of any interjacent place, betwixt Oxford, and Quinzay.
That's nothing, 'tis ordinary for you, and your Bretheren to worke Wonders.
Women-Angels, observe that Angels are of the Feminine Gender, you may Read all Haward thorow, and not gaine such a remarkable Notion: I am none of the Greatest Strangers to Latin and English Poetry, and yet I thinke the last Verse, was longer than Parnassus by halfe a foot.
But least you should fall too much in Love with Our Authors Muse, Pray lend your View to this Elegant Prose.
To his Daughter.
Daughter, I have forborne to set your Name on the fore-head of these Aphorismes, not that I am ashamed of either of them, or you.
You ashamed of your Aphorismes, No, 'tis enough for the Stationer and Reader, to be so. Make but your Daughter as Brazenfaced as her Father, And if any of her Uncles the Chymists take like their Coryphaeus Friar Bacon, Send Her to them; And they shan't need watch three Weeks, to heare A Brazen Head Speak.
If they have bin your Enemies, No question but Gratitude will reconcile them to you, since you are pleased to Honour them with an Imitation, for which they are wonder fully beholding.
I hope you are so well Verst in Axioms, as to understand Nullū simile est Idem; All is not Gold that Glisters: And are not all the Furies also pourtraied like Women?
Excellent advice, surely your Father is the Key that unlocks Venus Cabinet. By going Naked you'l save A great Deale of Mony, And though ve shall have no Pockets to put it in, your Father with his, will supply that defect, And ye shall be sure not to want credit, as long as your personall Estate is so Evident. But how will ye reconcile going Naked, with the Advice in the latter part of the Epistle?
But since he would have you cover all parts, let your Names be written upon your Brests, Or for the satisfaction of your Acquaintance, hire a Crier for a GentlemanUsher; that he may salute each passenger with O yes! O yes! here goes Madam such An One, &c. Really it would be a Riddle how to please your Father, (first ye should go Naked, page 2, then all covered page 4,) But that his worship is his owne Interpreter page 5.
Tis great pitty He is not chosen Major of Blomsbury, or carnall Rector of St. Giles in the Fields. Such Titles were More proper to such An Adviser, than the Secretary of God and Nature, page 3.
Yes, as much as Venus and Hecube, [Page 15] Alabaster and a Westphalia Gammon.
Man is the Consummation of the Creation.
The great Book of Nature was perfected by Man's Creation; Only Woman was made Vice Corollarij, as a Post-script, or Appendix.
Nay, Pray Iet Man be the consummation of Woman, for reflect either upon the Admired pulchritude of the Body, or excelling faculties of the Soule, and what may glory of these, but the Head?
Well, perhaps by continued practice, they have at last obtain'd Vertue in Gradu Heroico, in the highest exaltation; And therefore now dare grapple with the worst of Evills.
You do well to furnish your Daughters with Complements, I hope they'le retort them upon their Father; Although He is such An Eminent person for His writings, that He who protests against the sufficiency of Them, [Page 16] Adventures to make the Sun Stand Still, and willfully goes about to Counsell his Master. page 7. and 8.
And your Booke is not without; For when I saw it first, I charitably expected prudent Admonitions, drawn by the Pencell of an Eximious Rhetorician; but found A few frigid Conceptions, distill'd in the Balneo Mariae, of a Rosa-Crusians Noddle.
But it is too feeble a foundation, for a Wise Man to build his Felicity upon; yet thus far I'le accord with you, as I once vented my Thoughts upon this Subject.
I know there was much of Naked Truths in it.
If your Daughters would follow your Advice, forecited page 2. they should also as wel as [Page 17] your Book, shew much of the Naked Truth.
You might have spared, &c. for every intelligible Person will ad an, et caetera; And so for this time we will say, You writ this Epistle, &c.