PApirius was the name of divers noble Romans: one whereof had to sir-name Praetextatus: the reason was, because in his youth he had the understanding of an Elder; who being a child, and carried by his Father into the Senate, where they were to debate and determine of weighty Affaires concerning the State of Rome: his Mother at his coming home, asked the Boy what was the cause of their so often meeting, and what was conclu­ded in the Senate that day? which he apprehending, that he was not to reveale, remained silent; but his Mother further impor­tuning him, and threatning him, with the rod, that unlesse he would acquaint her with all their proceedings, she would whip him soundly: both to avoyd the prejudice that might happen, if he should have revealed the Secrets of the Senate, and to satis­fie his Mother for the present, he told her, that they had made a Decree, and establisht it, that it should be lawfull for every man to have two Wives. Upon which, she presently without any more adoe, sent to the chief Matrons in Rome, that it would please them to vouchsafe to come to her house, and she would acquaint them with such a Project that her Husband and theirs had done in the Senate-house that day, and to their prejudice, as wanted president or example.

At which Summons, many or most of them gave her a Visit, where she reveaied unto them the whole Businesse, as it was re­peated by her young Sonne Papirius, and desired their assistance how to prevent it, and for that, to enter into present Con­sultation how they might abrogate that Law, and instead thereof, that every woman might have two Husbands: this was no sooner noysed in the City, but it was presently bruted in the Suburbs, and before they could propose any thing to be conclu­ded, there was a great noyse of rapping at the Door; they send­ing to know the cause thereof, answer was returned them, that there were a great many of Tradesmens wives, who understand­ing the causy of that meeting, desired to have their voyces in the Counsell; alleaging withall, that though the Matrons were Noble, and they but Mechanicks and poore Tradesmens wives, [Page] yet no Parliament could be held, but there must be a Lower House, as well as a Higher, and Speakers for both: and further, that nothing could be concluded in the higher, but it must first be debated in the lower: Upon which reasons they were admit­ted, and a great Parlour serving for a Parliament House, every one took their places according to their degrees: and which was a wonder among Women, they suffered one to speak at once, which was the Mother of Papirius, who said as followeth.

To you, as well of the Manufacture as of the Matronship, I speak to all in generall, I have knowne a Lord contented with one Lackey, a Master with one Man, a Tenant with one Land­lord, a Bird with one Mate, a Cow with one Milk-maid, and shall a man desire to have two Wives, that (alas) with all he can doe, can hardly please one? nay, grant them two, in time they will grow to ten, from ten to twenty, and then what a rac­ket there would be, who should rule the Roast? nay, I have heard of one that had once a thousand Wives and Concubines: Now out upon him for a Iew (said a second) and taking the tale out of her mouth, thus proceeded: Methinks they should have consulted, that women might have had two strings to their Bow, that if one slipt the other might hold; one for week dayes to drudge within doors, another for holy dayes to walk abroad with her, and usher her in his best cloaths; keeping one for de­light, the other for her drudgery, to which motion, they with an unanious voyce consented. Then up starts a third, and said, our Sex is now of late growne Cowards, carpet and curtaine­hearted: Where be those magnanimous and Masculine spirited Matrons? those valiant Viragoes? those lusty Ladies: those daring Amazonian Damsels, Orithena, Penthisilaea, Thalestres, and the rest, who made Coxcombes of Keysars, Puppets of Prin­ces, Captives of Captains, Fools of Philosophers, and Hench­men of their husbands? but though we want weapons, and are a­bridged of their armes, yet they shall know, that we have the Law in our own hands, and in our own cases we will be our own Lawyers, and plead our own rights. For we have tongues to tell our owne Tales, and our Tales shall be heard and handled, when [Page] some of theirs shall not: What, give these Cocks leave to crow, and we shall have the Ravens follow after.

These words were spoke with such an Emphasis, that there was a generall hum throughout all the Parliament parlour: then there was a motion made, that every one for the present should put in a particular of their own grievances: First, upstarts one Mis. Rattle, a Taylors wife, and said, I think the Proverb may be very well ve­rified in my husband; which is, that many Taylors go to the mak­ing up of one man; for he hath no more mettle in him then a Mous, he works altogether with hot needle, and burnt thred; for nothing he doth prospers with me. I thinke the reason is, because he uses an unlawfull Yard, and wants that handfull which belongs to the Ci­ty measure, or else because he sits cros-legd on his shop-bord, like a dead Hare on a Poulterers stall, and no good work can be done that way. If at any time he make me a new Peticoat, he wil threa­ten to sit upon my skirts, and thats all: He will sow and sow, and yet when he hath done all he can, it proves but so and so, and with that she put finger in the eye and wept.

Nay, another Gossip seeing and pit [...]ying the poor puling crea­ture, rose up, and said, I take it, your best course Mistris Rattle, is to acquaint your selfe with some Courtier his Customer, and when any Masque or show is to be presented at Court, he may help you to a good standing. Then another starts up and said, my name is Frank Fal-down, a Felt-makers wife, and know no more from my husband of the three parts that belong to a Noun-Substantive but the first, & that is felt, and nothing else worthy to be heard or un­derstood. Sisly the Sadlers wife sat next. Nay, you may take me too in your number, for my case is as much to be condoled as any's who have a very pea-goose and Patch-pannel to my good man: well his girths or latchets may passe for currant, but I could never see a good stir-up from him since he was my husband: I con­fesse he is saddle-nos'd and saddlebackt too, but never could set the saddle on the right horse since I knew him; to whom the Hors-coursers wife called Hairbrain, replyed, my good man in his customer, who keeps the saddle to himselfe, but gives me the bit [Page] and the bridle; he can teach his horses to pace as he list, but for himselfe he hath neither good amble, trot, nor gallop.

After them Grace the Goldsmiths wife, Sarah the Silkemans, Kate the Comfit-makers, Beatrice the Brasiers, Parnell the Apo­ [...]caries, Maudlin the Masons, Winifred the Wyre-drawers, Doro­thy the Drapers, &c. every one laid downe their severall grievan­ [...]; which as thay were attentively heard, so they were much to be commiserated (I am loath to insist on too many, therefore for brevities sake let these suffice for the rest) then consulation was had how to rectifie what was amisse, for the generall good of their Sects, how to rest the power in men from wronging their wives, that thenceforward they might live in the more ease, pride, pomp, and liberty; for which they thought fit that good and wholsome Laws should be enacted.

The fift was Mrs. Tattle-well that spak, who said, that it was not only fitting but necessary, that every woman should have two hus­bands; for said she, was not every woman born with two legs, two hands, two eyes, two eares; and every deep Well ought to have two Buckets, while one is coming up, the other going down: have not most great houses two doors? likewise have not most Tavernes a fore-door and a back-doore, with two signs and two bushes, every ship a fore-Mast and a main-Mast; most Cities two or three gates, and every gate three or foure Watch-men; and every Beadle three or foure men every night in his Lanthorn, or else their mony? hath not every stool or chair three or four legs, and every Bed stead two posts (and three or four Curtains) the better to support the other parts of them; and therfore in conscience every Woman may have two husbands; for have not we women six Sences, & men but five? the major part we know includes the minor; therefore the case is cleer on our sides; for we have nothing to offend and defend our selves but our tongues, which we bring in for another sence; for the tongue tels what the eare heares, what the eye sees, what the hand handles, what the palat fasteth, what the nose smeleth; therfore the tongue ought to be the six Sence▪ which we must maintain for our own safety▪ though woman was taken out of the side of man, yet let, men know, that they cannot, nor shal not alwayes keep us under.

I put the case to you, suppose a handsome Lasse marries a Sea­faring [Page] man, perehance his occasions call him to goe a long voyage to Sea, as to the East or West Indies, or to the straights of Magel­lan, the reed or red-Sea, or to the Persian gulfe; he is bound to stay a yeere, two or three, before he can returne; doe you (nay prethee good sister, let me not be interrupted in my speech: pray silence, or I will say no more; for I now speak to the purpose) as I have said doe you thinke it convenient such a pretty soule should lye alone, having been wedded so short a time, and onely tasted of you know what, and having been a fellowfeeler and helper in most cases, for the Commonwealths good, that she can be content to lye alone tumbling and tossing in a good featherbed, sometimes to the wall, sometimes to the doore, sometimes of one side, and sometimes of the other; sighing and groaning, as if her very twatling-strings would breake; making her moan to the curtains, fumbling and bi­ting, or tearing the sheets, and by that meanes ease her oppressed body and minde; nay, I should not say oppressed body, for there I was mistaken, there my tongu went too fast▪ I should have said her troubled and perplexed spirit, heart, on what you terme it, ought not▪ I say, such a woman to have two Husbands? Yes, yes, said they, being al­wayes provided, and for the good of the Common-wealth: So likewise the Souldier and Captain when they are gone to the Wars, the Merchant, the Factor and the Mariner when they are gone to Sea, a foolish Plain­tiffe and his Defendant that will come up Post two or three hundred miles to spend his money, and stay a whole Tearm before he return to his beloved: ought not these (and many more which I could name, which for brevities sake I omit) to leave one Husband at home, while the other, being at Sea; looks to the maine boling, and that the fore-mast, and main-yard, and all other tackling be fit and compleat for his occasions: The Factor while he looks to cast up his Accompts abroad, she may look and cast up here at home: The Plaintiffe and Defendant while they be spending mo­ney at Law, she may get some at home by Love. All these cases are to be considered; for every Musket must have a Scouring-stick, and every Gun must have a Rammer, and every pen must be dipped in Ink before it will write: Has not every Constable his Beadle, every Serjeant his Yeoman? hath not every Officer in a Ship his Mate? as the Chirurgion he hath his Mate, the Master his Mate, and the Gunner his Mate: It is good to have two strings to ones Bow, if one break the other may hold: that if one be dogged and surly, the other may be pleasant and joviall; that while one be off the hooks, the other may be on the hinges: Upon which motion it is fully agreed upon by us Women, who are here present, which find i [...] [Page] better for us women to have 2 husbands, that if one be sick, the other may be well, one abroad, another at home: and this was M ^is Tabitha Tireman, and al giving out it may be a great means to abolish the old custom of making cuckolds: ere she could proceed, they all cried it up for eurrāt. But let me tel you one thing, w ^ch might put a rub in our way: what if our husbāds object & say, that we promised to love & obey them at the time of our marriage, & that we must be tied to that promise? By our Lady that's true, said they, what must be our plea for that? I'le tel you, said M ^is Tatle-well, let us answer thus much in that behalf; that we had a mental reservation, whē the wisest of us said so; for though our husbands expect it at our hands all our life­time, we must say, that we ment it only for that day & the first night, & no longer; & therfore by this means we may wave the businesse, & repeal that Law: wherupon they al agreed to it by general consent, & a great cōmenda­tion bestowed on M ^is Tatle-well for finding out this mystery & evasion, w ^ch was set down at first by these men by way of error and mistake. Then M ^is Prudence Prate-al said, let it be likewise enacted, that since Maids for the most part marry in haste, and repent at leizure, that we may be hasty also in our own houses, that if our husbands be peevish, we may pout; when they are harsh we may be humorous; they curst we crabbed; & when they think to make us melancholly, we in requital strive to make thē horn-mad▪ by ma­king our peticoats our purlewes: at w ^ch if they grudge or grumble, we may find answers by looking on our apron-strings; knowing by experiēce that most men are of a strange kidny, & will never be quiet full nor fasting; this also past among the rest. The next that spake in court was a mad wench, called Besse Blue, or Blot-book a Scrivners wife, who also desired, that one thing might be rectified cōcerning her husbands trade, that in al Contracts, Co­venants & Jointures made betwixt bachelors & maids, widows & widowers the often word Notwithstanding, may be razed out, & instead therof, Alwayes provided as oftē put in: the want of whch reformation, said she, I have endu­red to my prejudice: to this they generally consented & desired it might be prickt downe with an Imprimimis. In then comes M ⁱ Elenor Ever-crosse with her five eggs, & said, she desired to have another added, w ^ch should not be addl'd: my husbānd, said she, in anger said, he would thump me; to wh [...] answered, thump me? wher wilt thou thump me? thump me but wher th [...] shouldst thump me, or il'e make it the dearest thūping that ever thou d [...] thump in thy life: & I think I hink I hit him home, which was more th [...] ever he did to me, & then I had him on the hip: & you should have kept him so when you had him there (replied Mary Malepart) if you had bin wise: But concerning your great thumpers, concerning him who said that a Law might be made, that no woman should suffer her selfe to be thumpt but as she ought to be; to whom the whole Court willingly condiscended.

[Page]Thus said Mistris Dorothy Doe-little, I hold it requisite also, that every woman of sense should take delight to please her eye with the most curious objects, either of such pictures as we like, or such men as we love: Her eare rather with curious and choyse Musick, or have some Courtship that may content her, or somewhat publisht in her praise: Her smell rather with sweet and redolent flowers at home, or precious odours and perfumes fetcht from abroad: Her touch either with the Pluch and Taffates of her owne gay garments, or by the griping of his smooth and soft hand whom she most dearly affected: Her taste with all daintie and dear fare, with either Fowl or Fish, with sweet Wines and sweet Meats, Banqueting and Junkets, and every varie­tie that can taste the appetite, or please the palate. And for our more ease, let us lie a bed till ten of the clock, and then have a Caudle brought to our bed side, for our break-fast; and be ready by Dinner-time, & then walk abroad to take the ayre till Supper-time; and so spend the week about and if they aske the reason thereof, tell them it must be so, be­cause it must be so; and let them understand, that Monday is Sundayes brother, and that Tuesday is such another; Wednesday they must go to Church & pray and Thursday is halfe holy-day; Friday it is too late to begin to spin, and Saturday all the world knowes is halfe holy-day agen.

You speak well in that, said Mistris Bridget Bold face: for why should we toyle and turmoyle for our horn-headed and hard headed husbands, & not taste of the sweet as well as of the sowre, of the gaine as the paine, the pleasure as the puzzle. If the Husbands be ours, then be their goods ours, their Lands ours, their Cash and Coyne ours, and all their moveables, (howsoever seldome in motion ours too) and at our command; then why should we be niggards, and not spend freely of our owne? or why, when they be prodi­gall abroad, should we be penurious at home? nay, let us eat good fare, keepe good fires, want nothing that Women [Page] should have, good cat [...]s after good company: we can then bid any God▪ speed without good gossips. It is fit wee should be merry, so it fall within compasse of meanes: and for my owne part, I make use of the old proverb;

Which also was agreed upon with such an unanimous consent, that this Law above the rest should be writ in great Letters, to distinguish them from the rest, as best cor­responding with most of their conditions. Further let it be enacted, said Anne Ever-Crosse, that whosoever shal here­after take a Wife, shall doe it with the intent to please her, serve her, and obey her: and the first day of their Bridals, as a signe and token of dutie to her, and all the rest, place her at the upper end of the Table; or if she like not that place, put her in the middle, and with his hat in his hand wait on her till she hath halfe, or at the most three quarters dined; and then (if he have leave) to sit downe, which must be done by her licence▪ that he place himselfe at the lower end of the Table, and make a short meale till they be ready to take away; and that at Supper he doe the like: and after that she goe to Bed first▪ and rise last; and not attempt any thing, but that stands with her good libertie and liking: and this past amongst the rest for currant.

Then rose up one Mistris▪ Rachel Rattlebooby, and said, I intreat that I may have a finger in the pye too as well as the rest; a fooles bolt (like my husbands) is soone shot, and so is mine: When I was as well in health as any here, I complained to my good man of my Heart and Head, my Liver and my Lungs; and [...]indeed) I know not of what: who comming home, said, Wife how doe you doe? I an­swered, Sick, good man, very sick: then the fond Coxcomb bid me speak for any thing I had a mind unto; for, saith he, no question▪but thou dost breed: I, I, said I, I do breed, but you never get me any thing: no▪ saith he, who gets it then? I [Page] told him againe, that it was no matter to him who gets it; for sure, said I, I may long & long, but shal be sure to come short of what I long for: why, what dost thou long for, said my husband? For that (quoth I) which is beyond your reach, ywis: Silk Gowne and Sattin Petticoat of the fashi­on, an Italian cut-work Handkerchief, & a black Bag, with all the appurtenances thereto belonging. I but, said he, sweet Wife, these are above my Calling: Why then, said I, mine own Calling shall serve, for the next gallant Player I will call in, who, what he cannot adde to the happinesse of your memory, shall strive to augment in your honourable state of Matrimonie: And this she desired to be registred amongst the rest; at which, some were unwilling that it should passe, yet the major part were so fully bent, that it was set downe by the she-Scrivener in Paper, and after in Parchment, to be endorsed.

Mistris Tabitha Teare▪sheet then stood up, and began to puffe & snuffe, and said, she wondred why men should take so much upon them, when one woman is able, upon her owne knowledge, to bring ten of them, and take them one after another, upon their knees: therefore, said she, adde this to the other; let women from hence-forward, if they be sh [...]eerish or shie, trie it out with them at sharpe; or if beetle-headed and blockish, with blunter weapons.

But Mistris Dorcas Doe-little was out at that, saying, she loved her ease and quiet, and said, that the safest way (as she thought) was to sleepe in a whole skin; yet, saith she, my husband is a Gamester, and as he games abroad, so I play at home: if he be at bowles, & kisse the Mistris, I can for re­creation play at Rubbers with his man: when he hath bin all the day at Passage, & Hazard, at night he comes home and playes with me at Doublets, Barrames-ace, and Back-gam­mon: but I am sometimes even with him; for when he with his sweet-hearts ventures his state at the hole, with his ser­vant can passe away the time at In and In.

[Page]After spake Mistris Rachel Rattle-a-pace, and said, as I hold Mistris Dorcas, that lawfull which you doe, so I hope, that I bringing my sack to the Mill, it may be ground among the rest; that is, when our Husbands trouble us, we may like­wise torment them: if they fret, we frowne; they grudge, we grumble; they prate, we glout; they crosse, we curst; if they bend their browes, we may bend our fists; and be they never so outragious, we to carry no coales in any case.

But let it then be added (saith she that sate next) that no reconcilement without some reward, & no pardon may be granted without a new Gowne and Peticoat, which if de­mur'd upon, at the first or second demand, it shall be in her choise to aske him the third: and if he cog & ofter to kisse you, and tell you that he will kisse you, bid him take you about the middle and kisse the heaviest end: or if he faile, she may reade him a Juniper Lecture, as far as the scope of her invention, or the scarcitie of breath will give her leave. Or if he, notwithstanding all this, be peevish and perverse▪ she may also continue proud & peremptorie, till she raise him into reconcilement▪ and make him provide a Feast to entertaine her Gossips, and make his peace that way.

And then said another, taking the tale out of her mouth; if she have a mind to take the aire, or walk to Green▪goose Faire, or to any merry meeting, or Market; if she desire his company, that he new black his shooes, and put on his best Hat & Cloake to wait on her thither, ushering her before, or take her gently by the arme, and lovingly to leade her: or if (for some reasons best knowne to her selfe) she would have his absence, that be patiently put money in her purse, and stay at home without grumbling.

All this while good Orders and Decrees with a generall silence was observed, which after grew to a meere confusi­on: for the rest having much matter to utter, some got up to the tongues end▪ & had not the patience to stay the time, and take their turns: but all of these who had not yet spoke, [Page] tumultuously breaking out into clamour, every one desi­ring to be heard first, and the more they were heard, the lesse they were understood: one cryed out, let not Maids stay from Marriage till they are troubled with the green­sicknesse: another said, that if their Husbands revelled in the Hall, they might rule in the Kitchin; and if they offe­red to domineer, they might spoile their meat in dressing; a third, that if their husbands came home drunke, they might lock them out of doores, and whilst shee took her rest in her Cabbin, leave him to take up his lodging in the kennell: a fourth, that if they prated to be heard, they might poure a pisse-pot on their heads▪ and if after com­plaint were made, they might answer, they meant neither murther nor manslaughter, but what they did, was se▪ de­fendendo: with many others, to as▪ little or no purpose▪ by reason of which acclamation and noyse, the Session was for that time to be dissolved; but after an O yes, silence being made, it was concluded amongst them, that with those Articles agreed upon, they should presently passe from thence to the State-house, and deliver up their grie­vances to them.

But one thing we have forgot, said they, which is a main matter, that is, to seek out cure for any old or yong Cuck­olds: then spake Mistris Dorothy Do-little, and said: my good man came home drunk the other day, and because I should not see him in that manner, he hid himselfe in the house of speciall Office, and there he began to ease his sto­mack, and lay about him like a Hog, when he hath eaten so much that he is ready to burst: and because I should not heare him; he thrusts his head into the hole, and whe­ther it was his large Asses eares, or his Bul neck, I cannot tell, but he looked as if he had bin on the Pillery. Upon which relation they all fell into a great laughter, and withall concluded that it was his Hornes.

For Acteon, said they, put his head out of the window well [Page] enough, but could not get it back again, which was long of his Hornes: this, said they, is your husbands case. I pray you Mistris Tattle-well, said she, tell me, and the rest of our sisters the cure and remedy for it. Thus you must do (said she) my deare and loving sisters, because the effect lies at the heart, and the cause in the head, you must first remove the cause, and the effect will follow. First, you must carry down the griefe by his Posteriors, which must be done by a medicine that will both purge and comfort him at one and the same time; for desperate diseases must have desperate cures: get I say, (I speak to you all, as well as to you Mistris Doe-little) a gallon of the best Pump-water, such as will beare the Patentees Crown-soap, that will scoure well, then set it on the fire in a brasse Skellet, and put therein a good large bed-post, and let it boyle till it be dissol­ved to a jelly, then take it off the fire, and put three or foure sorts of spices in, as Cloves, Mace, Nut-megs: then take two or three ounces of Suger-candy, two ounces of the Sirrup of hearts­ease and dainty Content, with an ounce of Candid Forget­fulnesse, and Better Conceit, all this is cordiall: then when it is coole, put in a little Rubard, a little Coloquintida, a little Stibium, and some grosse and Long white Pepper, then let it boyle softly, and when so done, the next morning let the patient man drink it next his heart, and keep him warm: but you must be carefull that it be given him when the Moone is neere the full; not when she is forked or horned, lest you lose your labour and cost: for the Moone loves horned people, which are sometimes like her selfe: but when shee is neere the full, she is then indifferent, whe­ther horned or not horned, all is one to her, and therefore may then best be performed.

Now the inward remedy being applyed, hee must then observe the outward meanes: he must conceit himselfe a Batchelour or Widdower again, as he was at the first state when he came a wooing to her: then must he make him­selfe a mourning suit and cloak, and walk as demurely and as sad, as if his wife were dead indeed: he must likewise [Page] be so well conceited of himselfe, as if no such thing had ever been or thought of▪ then he must refraine her com­pany; and the house where she is, eight or ten dayes toge­ther, then begin to inquire of her, as if she were a stranger to him, afterwards visit her, and then send her presents, and make much of her, then make good cheere, and when you are in a merry veine, ask her if she can love you? then will she say presently, yes, if you can affect her: then get a li­cence, and forthwith marry her: that being done, see then if any dare so much as point at you with their fingers, or call you Cuckold as formerly they did, if they doe, then have you the civil Law on your side to punish them there, and an action at the Common Law for defamation, and their punish their purses and body too; and this is the onely cure for old and new Cuckolds: and withall take notice, that this must be done when the Moon is increa­sing, and in the second quarter, for it will help their busi­nesse forward, and cause them better to conclude their in­tended purposes: and this being done, it was approved for a certaine and approved remedy; and so they both joyning their hands and their hearts, as no doubt they had done before, he promising that she should (seeing so great a cure had been wrought upon him, with the regaining of his crdit and honesty) once againe bee received into his love and favour; and she on the other side promising him to be obedient to all his demands, and never again to pol­lute the Marriage-bed: striving to vilifie the old Proverb, Once a whore, and ever a whore.

And now (with no common pace) trudge these Parli­amenters towards the Senate-house to have their grievan­ces there knowne; who rapping at the doore where the Conscript Fathers were then in Councell: the mother of Papyrius was presently admitted, to deliver unto them the mindes of the rest, which were fairely written; which when they had read and understood, they were greatly a­mazed; [Page] but after more narrowly sifting how all this bu­sinesse came about, some laught, some lowred, some it served for pleasure, to others for perplexity; but in con­clusion, they greatly condemned their wives levity and inconstancie, but indulgently commended the Lads si­lence and taciturnity.