CUff, where art thou?

Here at hand.

Where is this Cuff?

Almoſt at your Elbow.

OH Band▪ art thou there? I thought thou haddeſt been worn out of date by this time, or ſhrunk in the wetting at leaſt.

What? Do you think I am afraid of your great words? no, you ſhall know that there be men of faſhion in place, as well as your ſelf.

Good Band, do not fret ſo.

A ſcurvie ſhag-rag Gentleman, new come out of the North, a Puny, a Freſhman, come up hither to learn Faſhions, and ſeek to expell me?

Nay: if you be ſo broad with him, Band, we ſhall have a fray preſently.

Sir, Ile pull down your Collar from you. He juſtles B. and C. ſtaies him.

It was fit time for me to ſtay you up, for I am ſure you were a falling Band.

Well, Band, for all you are ſo ſtiff, Ile make you limber enough before I have done with you.

No, Hodg Peak, its more then you can do.

Sfoot, let me come to him: well, Band, let me catch you in another place, and I will make cut-work of you.

Ther's ne're a Spaniſh Ruff of you all can do it.

Well, Band, look to thy ſelf, for if I meet thee, I will lace thee roundly.

Lace me? thou wouldſt be laced thy ſelf, Ruff, for this is the very truth, thou art a plain Knave.

If they talk of lacing, I were beſt look about my ſelf.

Dareſt thou meet me in the field?

In the field? wh? thou art but an effeminate fellow, Ruff; for all thou art ſo wel ſet: but at what weapon?

Nay, I will give thee that advantage, bring thou what weapons thou wilt, I ſcorn to make any thing of thee, Band, but needle work.

Sfoot, thou ſhalt know, a Gentleman and a Souldier ſcorns thy proffer.

A Souldier?

Did you not hear of the great Bands went over of late?

Where did you ſerve? in the Low Countries?

It may be ſo; for I am ſure he is a Holland Band.

Where I have ſerved, it is no matter, but I am ſure I have been preſſed oft.

Truely, his Landreſs will bear him witneſs thereof.

Nay bragger, it is not your great words can carry it away ſo; give Band but a hemme, and he will be for you at any time, name the place, the time and hour of our meeting.

The place, the Paper mills, where I will tear thee into rags, before I have done with thee: the time, to morrow in the after-noon about one: but do you hear? We will fight ſingle, you ſhall not be double, Band.

Now I perceive, the Spaniard and the Hollander will to it roundly.

But do you hear? Once more do not ſay at our next meeting you forgot the time.

No, I dare warrant you, there is no man more careful of the time then he: for I am ſure he hath alwaies at the leaſt a dozen Clocks about him.

Farewel then.

Then farewel.

Nay you ſhall not part ſo, you will go into the fields, and know not what fighting means: a couple of white livered fellows, your Landreſs will make you both a white as a clout if ſhe liſt; If you lack beating, ſhee'l beat you Ile warrant you, ſhee'l ſo clap your ſides together, that they ſhall be beaten out in once or twice handling; why, I have known her leave her mark behind her a whole week after, ſheel quickly beat you Black and Blew, for I am ſure ſhee'l ſcarce waſh white before ſhe ſtarch.

Well, remember the time and place, Ruff.

Well, remember your ſelves and Miſteris Stichwel, one to whom you have been both beholding in your days.

Who? Miſtris Stichwel, by this light I know her not.

No, nor you neither.

Nor I, I ſwear by all the Gum and Blew ſtarch in Chriſtendom.

I thought ſo, why its the Semſter, one that both you had been undone had it not been for her, but what talk you of undoing? I ſay Miſteris Stichwel the Semſter was the very maker of you both, yet thus little do you regard her, but it is the common cuſtome of you all, when you come to be ſo great as you are; you forget from what houſe you come.

Sfoot Ruff careth not a pin for her.

Nor Band a button.

Well Band and Ruff, you were beſt both of you to take heed of her, you know ſhe ſet you both in the Stocks once before, and if ſhe catch you again, is is a hundred to one, if ſhe hang you not both up, for ſhe hath got ſtrings already,

Meet me, if thou dareſt?

The place the Paper-mils, the hour to morrow at one.

Since you will go, go; but hear me, if you go, look at me well; as little a fellow as I am, I will come and Cuff you both out of the fields; if I do not, ſay, Cuff is no man of his hands.

Alas poor ſhrimp, thou art nothing in my hands.

If you go, yon ſhall never ſay that Cuff came of a ſleeveleſs errand, Ile bind your hand (I warrant you) for ſtriking.

Say and hold.

Remember the Paper-mils.

And you be ſo chollerick, Ile even pin you both in, as ſoon as I come home: can you not decide the quarrel between your ſelves without a field? I had thought you had been a little more mild, Ruff. You were a horrible Puritane the other day, a very preciſe Ruff.

Hang him, baſe Raſcal: would he not make any man mad, to ſee ſuch a—I durſt not ſcarce peep out before Coller came to Town, now to ſwagger thus.

Come, you ſhall be friends, Band.

Thy man Coller? Thy Maſter, thou wouldſt have ſaid, I am ſure he is thy up-holder.

Nay, ſurely he is his Maſter, at leaſt his Maſter: for Bands, make rags; rags make Paper; paper makes Paſt-board; and Paſt-board makes Collar; and I think that this is a ſtiff argument that he is his Maſter.

Wel, be he what he will, if I catch his Collar, Ile cut him in jags, let me but claſp him, and Ile make him for ſtirring.

But you ſhall not fight: have you not Friends & Neighbors enough to end this controverſie, but you muſt go into the fields, and there cut the thread of your lives? wee'l have none of that, come chuſe you an Umpire, Band, for it ſhall be ſo.

Since you will force me to it, if Ruff be content, I am willing.

Ruff, you ſhall be content.

If I ſhall then, I muſt, let him name him.

If I may chooſe, Ile have Maſter Handkerchiefe.

Nay, ſtay there, he is a moſt filthy Sniveling fellow, and he will wipe your Noſe of al, if you put the caſe to him, but what ſay you to Shir?

He is a ſhifting knave, and one, to whom Band, a little before hath been much beholding, they were joyned along time togither in friendſhip.

Why, then go to Maſter Cap, the headman of the town.

No, I deny that, he is a very bad Juſtice you may have him wrought on any ſide for mony.

Ile tell you what, then we will go to my Lord Corpus himſelf.

He is not in Town.

He is, for I ſaw Sock, his chief Footman in Town.

Here's a-do with you, and may Lord Corpus, indeed I would you were both hanged about his neck for me, but I ſee, this ſtrife will never be ended, till I be Arbitrator my ſelf, you know, I am equally allied to you both: ſhall I be Moderator between you?

Content.

Well then, Ruff ſhall be moſt accounted of amongſt the Clergy, for he is the grave Fellow (although I know, the Puritans will not greatly care for him, he hath ſuch a deal of ſetting, and they love ſtanding very well.) As for you, Band, you ſhall be moſt made of amongſt the young Gallants, although ſometimes they ſhall uſe Ruff, for a faſhion, but not otherwiſe; however, you need not regard the giddy headed multitude, let them do as they liſt, ſometimes reſpecting one, ſometimes the other: but when you come to the Counſailor, and men of Law, which know right from wrong, acknowledging Maſter Worths to be equal, they ſhall preferre neither, but uſe the kindneſs of you both, wearing both a Band and a Ruff; how ſay you, are you both content?

We are.

Then go before me to the next town, and Ile follow after with a Band of your friendſhip drawn, which I hope, theſe Gentlemen will ſeal with their hands.