ADVICE TO PARENTS.
PART I.
IT has been always reckoned by the best and wisest men, a thing absolutely necessary towards a Reformation in the World, to begin with the Instruction and right Education of Children; those of elder Years being ordinarily so rooted and hardned in their sinful habits, that, for the most part, there's very little can be done to reform them, and make them better. So sensible were some ancient States of this, that they made particular Laws for educating Children; [Page 2] thinking it too great a Trust, to leave it altogether in the Power of Parents, to train up their Children according to their Humour and Fancy. Amongst Christians, there are few restraints upon Parents; in most Countries it being in their power to Educate their Children as they think good: It is therefore of no small importance for them to know what their Duty is, that they may approve themselves to God, in doing whatever he requires towards their Children, for their Souls, their Bodies, and their outward Estate.
The design of this Treatise is, to furnish those who want such helps with some plain and easie directions, that they may know how to act the part of Christian Parents.
While Children are yet in the Womb, How Parents ought to be affected while Children are yet in the Womb. it is the Duty of Parents to endeavour to bring their mind to an indifferency, as to the Sex which shall be born; not to prescribe to God, by their impatient desires, and their bold asking of him, a Child of this or that Sex; but to leave it entirely to his Will and Pleasure, to do what he [Page 3] thinks best. The happiness of Parents does not consist in having Children of this or that Sex: Sometimes Sons (who are most desired ordinarily) may prove useless in the World, yea very hurtful in many regards; they may occasion great grief of Heart, and lasting Anguish and Vexation to their Parents, by their mad and foolish Courses, and wicked doings: And on the other hand, Daughters may prove great Blessings in the World, great Comforts to their Parents, and great Examples of Piety and of Zeal for the honour of God: On which Accounts Parents ought to resign their will to God, and be ready with all gratitude to accept whatever he bestows.
Secondly, When a Child is born, How they ought to be affected when their Children are born. Parents ought with all thankfulness to return praise and thanks to God, who hath bestowed such a Blessing on them, giving them a living Child, sound and perfect in all its parts and proportions, without either defect of necessary parts, or excess and deformity thereof. This should make them admire and adore the Powerful and Wise Providence of [Page 4] God, which appears in framing and fashioning their Infant, so curiously and wonderfully in the Womb, preserving it, and making it grow up, from a very small and imperfect beginning, to such a bigness, with all those comely shapes and proportions which they behold.
They ought to look upon their Children as given them of God, to be taken care of both as to their Souls and Bodies; to be bred up in his fear, for his Honour and Glory; to be made fit to serve him here, and to live with him for ever hereafter.
The Soul being the chiefest part of the charge committed to Parents, I shall first shew what they ought to do for their Childrens Souls.
The first Duty of Parents for the Souls of their Children, is, to consecrate them to God in Baptism.
First, They ought to consecrate their Children to God in Baptism, so soon as conveniently they can: They cannot better express their gratitude to God for blessing them with Children, than by presenting them to him again in this holy Ordinance; that he may [Page 5] set his Seal upon them, and admit them into his House and Family; that he may bestow upon them the priviledges of his Children, and give them a Right and Title to the Blessedness, the Grace and Glory purchased by Jesus Christ. It is for this End that Baptism is instituted; not only to be a Ceremony of Admission into the Church, but to seal unto us the pardon of our Sins, to assure us of the Divine Favour, to make us Members of Christ, Heirs of God, and Inheritours of the Kingdom of Heaven, if we by wilful impeuitency and unbelief, do not afterwards hinder and frustrate the Virtue thereof. It is not necessary for Parents to enquire how such things are done by Baptism; it is enough for them to know, That Baptism is appointed for those Ends, and we are sure that God appoints nothing in vain: Our Saviour is said, Eph. 5.26. To sanctify and cleanse his Church with the washing of water by the Word. And, Tit. 3.5. he is said to save us by the washing of Regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost. And in the 22d. of the Acts and 16. it is said by Ananias unto Paul, Arise and be baptized, and wash away thy Sins: And says St. Peter, 1 Epist. 3.21. [Page 6] The like Figure whereunto, even Baptism doth now also save us (not the putting away of the filth of the Flesh, but the answer of a good Conscience towards God,) by the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. And St. Paul tells us, Gal. 3.27. As many of you as have been baptized into Christ, have put on Christ: Which words import not only our owning and acknowledging him as the Saviour of the World, who alone is able to wash and cleanse us with his Blood, but also our professing our resolution to live holy lives, to walk in newness of life according to his Example; in token of which in the ancient Church, they who were baptized, were presently cloathed with White Rayment, to testify their resolution to live in holiness, and to put off the Old Man, that is, all their former wicked Deeds and Customs, and filthy Practices. Likewise, Rom. 6.3, and 4. it is thus written, Know ye not that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ, were baptized into his Death? Therefore we are buried with him by Baptism into Death, that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father; even so we also should walk in newness of Life. These [Page 7] words import not only our belief of a crucified Saviour, who dyed and was buried for sin, to save us from it; but also our Repentance, whereby we renounce sin, as dead and buried to it for the time to come. The general Design of this Sacrament, being sufficiently plain and clear from these and other Scriptures; it is to little purpose, (and oftentimes it proves to very ill purpose) to enquire any further as to particulars; for by so doing, a great many persons judging of divine things by their own weak and foolish apprehensions, have reasoned themselves (if I may so speak) both out of their Reason and Religion.
2. Duty, to season their Minds betimes with good Impressions.
Secondly, When Children begin to speak and to discover some dawnings of Reason, it is fit to season their Minds with some good Thoughts, with some divine Impressions, that Religion betimes may catch hold of their tender and innocent Minds, before they are corrupted and defiled with bad Principles, and vain & unreasonable Opinions, [Page 8] which they are apt to learn too soon from evil Company. Teach them who made them; who dyed for them; for what end they were made; whither good Children go when they dye, and whither naughty Children go; what a place Heaven is, and Hell, &c. These and such like plain and easie things are to be told them, which they can understand, and which may make some impression on their minds. In teaching Children such matters, it is necessary to condescend to their weak capacity: It is not fit to ask them such Questions at all times, nor yet to say too much to them at any one time: Such Instructions are to be dropt into their minds softly and leisurely, so as not to oppress them, but to recreate them; not to be a burden to them, but a pleasure. It cannot be expressed how great Advantages attend such early Instructions; these are the Seeds of Virtue, which take root insensibly, and spring up sometimes very unexpectedly; the Impressions which they make continue a great while, as Earthen Vessels retain the savour of that Liquor which was first put into them a long time after: So powerful are these first Instructions, that they are able to conquer [Page 9] even Nature it self. The famous Lycurgus made this appear, by bringing into the Market-place two Dogs of one Litter, and presenting before them a Pot of Pottage and a Hare; one of them (which was trained up in Hunting) run after the Hare; and the other (which was brought up in the House) fell to the Pottage. What a wonderful power may we daily observe in those early impressions which are made on mens minds? Thereby it comes to pass, that the most absurd and extravagant Opinions, which have been suck'd in, when one was young, can hardly be removed by the clearest and strongest Reasonings.
3. Duty, to teach them to pray.
Thirdly, Teach them, so soon as may be, to pray to God Morning and Evening; To say after you, or others whom you appoint for that purpose, two or three short Petitions, which are easie to be understood; and as their Understanding and Capacity increaseth, teach them the Lord's Prayer; and after that some larger Form of Prayer, which they may say after [Page 10] you, till they can read it themselves, or get it by heart.
You are to have a special care, that they perform their Devotions in as grave and serious a manner as their years can admit: You are to keep them from all sorts of indecent Actions and Postures, when they say their Prayers: For this end, you are to teach them who it is they speak to when they pray, and what these things mean, which they pray for.
Chuse the fittest times for them, wherein to say their Prayers: as in the Morning, when-ever they arise; while their Spirits are most vigorous, and their Thoughts most free. At Night let them say their Prayers rather before Supper than after; because after Supper, they are more apt to be very dull and sleepy, and thereby less fit for such a performance. God is not to be served with the refuse of our thoughts, and with sluggish sleepy desires; but with our best and most lively affections, and with the strength and fervour of our desires.
You are to prevent their omitting their Prayers at any one time; because doing so once or twice, they are apt [Page 11] to neglect them wholly, or to return to them with great aversness: Whereas Custom and Constancy in performing their Devotions, will make them much more easie and pleasant to them.
When they are possessed with more perfect and solid thoughts about Religion, with stronger and more lively impressions of Divine things, and are able without great difficulty to express the sense of their Souls; They may do what they find does serve best the great purposes of Devotion: If praying without restraining themselves to any particular Form of Words, contribute more to their fervency and elevation of mind in Prayer, let them pray without using a Form: But if they find that their Minds are more stayed and fixed, and their fervency and devotion greater in the use of a Form than without it, let them do that which they find best.
When they pray for outward and temporal things, teach them to do it with an entire submission to the Will of God, who hath promised perishing things conditionally, that is, so far as he sees the bestowing of them will be for his Glory, and the good of his [Page 12] Children: Therefore they must not be vehement and importunate in their desires and Prayers for such things, but ought to pray for them with great humility and resignation to the Divine Will. As for spiritual Blessings, to wit, the pardon of Sin, the direction and assistance of the Spirit of God, his Grace to help them in time of need, power and strength to fight against the Devil, the World, and the Flesh, &c. These things are to be prayed for with all the importunity and earnestness that is possible. The more vehement and fervent their desires and Prayers are for such things, the more acceptable are they to God, and the more likely to obtain from him the desires of their Souls; for he hath promised to satisfie the longing Soul with good things.
4. Duty, to observe carefully their temper and disposition, and to endeavour to reform what is amiss therein.
Fourthly, Observe carefully their Temper and Disposition, what Vices they are most inclined to; If they are sturdy and proud, peevish and passionate, [Page 13] cunning, given to lying, flattery, and dissimulation; if they are conceited, rash, and unadvised, &c. Endeavour all you can to bend their minds another way: For Example, if they are sturdy and proud, strive to humble them, and break them, to tame their proud Spirits; accustom them to the doing acts of humility; do not gratifie them in those things that are apt to make them proud; cause them to yield, and to submit to your Will, or to the Will of others, whom you think fit they should obey.
If you find them peevish and passionate, teach them to be meek and gentle; to be of a sweet and mild disposition; to love those who have done or said somewhat that crossed them; not to seek revenge, but to forgive them, and to be kind to them; to be ready, when they have occasion, to do them good for evil.
If they be given to Lying, shew them the evil of it, that a lying Tongue is an abomination to the Lord, Prov. 6.17. That the Devil is the Father of Lyars, and that they are in the number of those that are shut out of the new Jerusalem, and have their part in [Page 14] the Lake that burneth with fire and brimstone, Rev. 21.8. and 22.15. Shew them how great hurt it will do them, and what shame it will bring upon them; That if they be found Lyars, people will not believe them, even when they speak Truth. Encourage them to confess their faults, if they have done any thing amiss; be apt to pardon them when they confess, and tell the Truth; and commend them for doing so: But if you find them in a Lye, be sure to chastise them for it, especially if they have done it oftner than once. Nothing tends more to the spoiling of Children, than their getting into such a habit: This is a Vice that grows up apace, if not timely cured by good Education; Thereby they learn to grow so false and disingenuous, that they are not fit to be trusted or employed.
If you find them to be of too prodigal a Temper, apt to be too profuse in their Expences; ready to throw away their Money upon Trifles, and when there is no reasonable occasion for it; you ought by all prudent and proper Methods to endeavour to make them a little more discreet and careful; [Page 15] That they waste nothing in vain, that may be of use to poor people; That they do not throw away that which may do good at some time or other. Suggest often to them, that we are Stewards of whatever God bestows upon us, that he will call us to an account; and that therefore we ought to employ to good purpose all those good things he gives us. Shew them what our Saviour said to his Disciples, after he had sed five thousand men with five Loaves and two Fishes, Joh. 6.12. When they were filled, he said unto his Disciples, Gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost. He would not have any thing lost, or thrown away unnecessarily, which might be useful afterwards to one or other.
If you find them of a covetous Temper, endeavour to enlarge their thoughts by the Principles of Christian Charity: Shew them what an excellent thing it is to do good; to shew mercy and kindness; to make peoples hearts glad: Accustom them to the doing such kind and charitable offices; for which end, give them now and then money, and other things to bestow on [Page 16] those who are poor and needy. Shew them the evil of Covetousness; that it's the root of all evil, that it takes the heart off from God, and rendereth it unfit for the consideration of Divine things, and for all worthy and useful designs; that it disposeth a man for the basest and vilest actions and undertakings, as it did Judas to betray his Lord; That it bereaves him of true repose and satisfaction of mind, and pierceth him through with many sorrows, 1 Tim. 6.9, 10.
If you perceive them to be naturally melancholy, and fearful of every little thing, endeavour to chear up their Spirits: Suggest to them such considerations, and possess them with such Maxims and Principles, as tend to fortifie their minds against those things which are apt to make them uneasie, and are the occasion of their fear. If their distemper proceed from some bodily indisposition, as oft-times it does, use such helps as are necessary: When such evil habits of body are once rooted and strongly fixed, and when the blood and spirits are deeply infected therewith, they are a very grievous clog to the Soul, and a great hindrance [Page 17] to that chearfulness and liberty of Spirit, wherewith people ought always to endeavour to serve God.
If you see them to be of too gay and airy a Temper, so that they cannot fix and be stayed at any time, you are to use a great deal of prudence and discretion to compose and settle their Spirits; See that they use their Wit and Fancy without giving offence, and that they hurt no body by indecent reflections: Let them by no means take liberty to indulge their humour in jesting about things that are Sacred, or that have any relation thereto: But you are to take heed lest your endeavouring to cure one fault, occasion another; lest your striving to deliver them from one extream, drive them to the contrary, that is, lest instead of their being too gay, you make them melancholy and dull: Their Wit and Spirit is not to be rooted out, but reformed and rightly managed; for this may be of use for seasoning and sweetning Conversation.
If you observe them to be rash and forward, ready to speak and act without due consideration; strive to make them more cautious and circumspect; [Page 18] to reflect and think a little more, on what they say and do; lest otherwise, they fall into a habit of speaking and acting impertinently and indiscreetly: when they say or do a foolish thing, for lack of consideration, then take occasion to make them sensible what a shame it is for them to do so; what a reproach to those who are reasonable Creatures, to speak and act like fools without Reason and Understanding: Shew them some of the bad consequences which attend speaking and acting in this manner.
Thus you are to make it your Business to consider what are their defects and faults, and to do all that you can to cure them thereof, and to direct them in the ways of Wisdom and Virtue.
5. Duty, to see that they be taught to Read.
Fifthly, When once they are of an Age fit for it, see that they be taught to read, that thereby they may be able to make use of the Holy Bible. If your condition in the World is such, as disables you from doing much for [Page 19] them as to their outward Estate; yet if you do this, it may prove (unless it be their own fault) of unspeakable advantage to them, and in some sense better than a great Portion. It is sad to see how a great many bestow readily enough on their Children, to learn a gainful Trade, that they may get Wealth: And yet they are very unwilling to give a little money to one to teach them to read that sacred Book, which instructs them in the Art of being happy; how to be saved; how to obtain a Crown of Glory; to purchase a Kingdom which cannot be shaken; to obtain a Pearl of greatest price, and enduring Substance. The Word of God doth teach us all this; It's given to make us Wise to Salvation, that we may make our Calling and our Election sure; and therefore neglect not to do this for them, to teach them to read: And when they can do it, cause them every day to read more or less in that Sacred Book: See that they do it with great Reverence, as being the Word of God: Cause them to consider who it is that speaketh to them therein; and what it is that he commands, promises, or threatens; direct [Page 20] them at first to read such places, as are most easie to be understood, and which are apt to make the deepest impressions: After they have read, see what they remember; cause them to tell you what they can call to mind: Explain to them so far as you are able, what they do not know; especially in such things as are most useful to make them wiser and better. Appoint them now and then a verse or two, to get by heart; cause them to repeat them with due gravity; let them not do it in a trifling manner, as if they were telling a silly Story. Do not appoint them too many things to be got by heart; for this will do more hurt than good: A few things well understood do better than a great many by rote.
Great care ought to be taken what Books they read.Be careful lest they read any Books which tend to poyson their minds, to fill them with false Opinions, or to lead them to bad practices: Their tender minds are apt very quickly to be corrupted by such Treatises. Even they who are of a more fixed and solid Virtue, are in danger of receiving hurt by reading such Books; especially [Page 21] when they are writ with great Art, and when their Notions are represented in fair and Beautiful Colours; They are apt to impress on the fancy some Images of no good consequence to the Soul: How great need therefore have Parents to restrain their Children from reading such Books as tend to pollute their innocent and chaste minds, which are capable of receiving any sort of impressions either good or bad?
As for Books of Devotion; great care is to be taken, that only such be put into their hands as are writ in a plain and easie style; which treat of things fit and needful to be known by them; and which are most likely to make them Wise and Good. They are to be accustomed to the Writings of those who are Men of greatest Moderation; who do not impose their own conceits, as necessary Rules of Devotion; who do not require such things as absolutely needful to be done, which God hath not declared to be so; nor yet who shorten the Rule, by cutting off such things as God hath injoyned us: All Books which lead men to extreams, are carefully to be avoided; and such Treatises are to be made [Page 22] use of, as contain the plain and necessary Doctrines of Christianity; which tend to inspire Men with the Spirit of Purity, of Truth, of Peace and Love; which promote Sincerity, Justice, Temperance, Charity, Meekness, Humility, Patience, Resignation to the will of God in all things, Zeal for his Honour and Glory, a firm belief and trust in him, &c.
When it is requisite to acquaint them with the different Opinions amongst Protestants, that their minds may not be unfixed and unsettled, when they go abroad into the World; be sure not to put into their hands such Tracts as are writ with a fiery uncharitable Spirit, and in a dogmatick and magisterial manner; but such as are writ with great Temper and Moderation; which tend to heal the Church of all Contentions and Divisions, and not to kindle and increase them; which do not load Mens Opinions with unjust, extravagant, and impious consequences, which never entred into the minds of those who vouched them: but such as make fair and fovourable constructions, and just allowances. Such Practices are chiefly to be chosen for them, which dispose [Page 23] Men to be humble and modest; not to be stiff and pertinacious in their own private Sentiments; not rashly and severely to condemn others who have different thoughts; and never on the account of any such particular Opinions to break the peace of Christian Society; nor to grow more cold in their respect and affection towards those who have not the same thoughts with themselves in lesser matters. They are as it were, to feed upon Books of this sort, and carefully to digest them.
6. Duty, to bring them to the place of publick Worship so soon as they are fit for it.
Sixthly, You are to bring them to the place of publick Worship so soon as they are fit for it, that they may have the benefit of the Prayers of God's People, and may learn, as they are capable, somewhat that may make them wiser and better. Take heed how they carry themselves in the House of God, that it be with all possible silence and reverence; and that they perform their publick Devotions in a decent manner. When they come from Church, see what they remember; if they have got [Page 24] any thing by heart, encourage them: If they remember nothing, you may tell them somewhat or other of the Sermon which is fit for them to learn. Endeavour by their constant attendance on the publick Worship, to beget in them a mighty regard thereto, as being one great means appointed of God to increase in them, true Knowledge and Piety. Let them not spend the rest of the Lords day in rambling about; but so far as their age can bear it, let them be imployed usefully.
7. Duty, to make them understand their Baptismal Covenant.
Seventhly, Do all that you can to make them understand their Baptismal Covenant; and if there be opportunity to own and renew it publickly and solemnly, fail not to encourage their doing it. It's of great importance for them, to make a solemn profession of their Faith, and to declare their Resolution of performing their Baptismal Promise: It is of great advantage to them, at such an occasion, to have the Prayers of the Church, and particularly of those, who are appointed of [Page 25] God, to bless the People. It is true, the great abuses which have been committed in the performance of this ancient Ceremony, have made many people to slight and neglect it; but if Confirmation were performed with that care and seriousness, which ought to be used on such an occasion, it is a custom which might be of marvellous benefit in the Church; both to stir up Parents to instruct their Children, and Ministers to Catechise them, and acquaint them with those things that are needful for them to know, to believe, and to do. The careful and Religious use of it, would tye Children more strictly to mind the great concerns of their Souls; it would afford them occasion to consider what it is to have been baptised, and to be a Christian: It would work in them a more powerful sense of the Obligations of Christianity; and make them more careful to live up to that holy Religion, whereof they made so publick a profession: It would make them more afraid to do bad things, against which they had protested so solemnly. And not only fear, but shame in this case, would restrain them from doing wickedly. This [Page 26] would be to young People a great defence against Temptations: Bad men would not so boldly ask them to sin, if they knew they had openly and solemnly disowned and renounced them, and all their wicked Courses; and if they were tempted, they would be more apt to say in their own minds; Shall we do such wicked things, and run the hazard of being Covenant-breakers, and perjured persons? Shall we commit such Villanies, and practice such Abominations, and thereby break our solemn Vow and Engagement? Shall we by our folly and impiety give occasion of offence and scandal to the Church of Christ, which he hath purchased with his Blood? Shall we renounce the Captain of our Salvation, and prove Deserters, who have so lately vowed to renounce the Devil and all his Works? What a mighty defence would this be to your Children, when assaulted by the fiery Darts of the Devil, the Vanities of the World, and the lusts of their own deceitful hearts; to consider, that by their own actual Consent, they have renounced all these, and given up themselves into the hands of God, to be kept by his mighty Power, [Page 27] through Faith unto Salvation? They have vowed, and they ought to perform it, to keep his righteous Judgments. These things being impartially considered, should mightily excite Parents to see that their Children do openly and solemnly profess their Faith in Christ crucified; their resolution to obey him, to serve him, and love him, to fight under his Banner, against sin, the Devil, and the World, and to continue his Faithful Souldiers and Servants unto their lives end. Is not this your Glory, that your Children are Christians? and do you think it a shame or dishonour for you or them, if they make a solemn profession of their Christianity; that they avow their Religion, and will by Gods help make good the promise which was made in their Name in Baptism? Of so great importance is this Custom, that the greatest men amongst the Reformers did highly commend it, and did earnestly with that it might be restored, as a thing of great use towards the reviving the true Spirit of Christianity.
8. Duty, to encourage them to come to the Lord's Table.
Eighthly, When they are fit for it, you should encourage them to come to the Table of the Lord, that they may be strengthened in their most holy Faith, and further assured of the love of God; that they may make a publick profession of their Christianity, of their love to their Lord and Master Jesus, of their Charity to all Men, and of their sincere affection to those who are Christs Members and Followers: They ought to make use of this holy Sacrament, that their love to their dearest Lord and Saviour may be kindled and enflamed, by remembring his Love, and shewing forth his Death; that they may bind themselves more strictly to serve and obey him, and to fulfil their Baptismal Engagement. How glad should Parents be to see their Children advanced to this honour, to eat and drink at their Lord's Table, to partake of so great a Testimony of his Kindness and Friendship? How earnestly should they encourage them to embrace this opportunity of renewing their Covenant with [Page 29] the Lord, to live and to dye his faithful Servants? Do you not desire to have them saved, to have them delivered from their Lusts and Passions, their Pride and Revenge, Uncharitableness and Malice, their Hatred and Envy, and from all manner of Sin and Folly, to be made pure and clean in Heart and Life, to be made meet for that holy place, where no unclean thing can enter? Do you not desire that their Sins may be blotted out, that they may be washed with the Blood of their Saviour? And yet do you not advise and entreat them for their Souls Health and Safety, to come to the Holy Communion, which is designed for these excellent and great Ends and Purposes? But, alas! how far are too many Parents from doing this for their Children? How many do either wholly, or for the most part, neglect and slight this holy Ordinance themselves, as if our Lord had without any just or necessary ground appointed it? How can such Persons expect the precious Fruits of the Death of Christ, who will not remember his Death, when he so lovingly and kindly calls and invites them to do it? Do this in remembrance of me. What a [Page 30] great Argument is it of a wonderful decay of true Piety and Religion in the World, when Men do thus despise and set at naught the kindness of their Lord and Saviour? When they refuse to do a thing, so just and reasonable, and so easie as this is; which tends so much to his Glory and their own true Happiness and Welfare, both here and hereafter?
9. Duty, to take care that they accustom themselves to Self-Examination.
Ninthly, When they are fit for it, see that they accustom themselves to Self-Examination, that they spend a few moments every night (if another time of the day be not more convenient for them to do it in,) in calling themselves to an account; That they may see what good or what evil they have done; That they may give praise and thanks unto God for any thing they have done, which was good and right; and that they may confess their Sins and Follies, begging his gracious pardon; [Page 31] and renewing their purposes and resolutions to do better for the time to come.
But besides these daily short Reviews of their Heart and Life, 'tis fit to call upon them when they are well advanced in years, to a more strict and solemn Examination of themselves; to Prayer and Fasting, as their Age and Strength can bear it. This may be done once a Month, or once in two Months, or once a Quarter at least. As to their abstinence from Food on such days, there's no Rule can be given to serve all persons; if they can fast one meal or two, it is well; if not, then they may eat less at a time, and of such things as are less apt to be a hinderance to their Devotion: That is to be done that serves most to render them fit for Prayer and Meditation. It will be convenient in order to their doing this to good purpose, to be directed to a method, that so their Thoughts may not wander and be unfixed: For which end, it will be of good use, to have the direction of their Minister, if he be a discreet and good Man, or of some other prudent serious Christian Friend: [Page 32] Or you may recommend to them some plain and easie short Treatise on this Subject, such as you shall find written discreetly with due moderation of Spirit.
There is not any one method can be prescribed for all persons, nor fit for all times: But in general, upon such days it's fit for them to begin with Prayer to God, humbly begging the Divine Assistance and Direction; that he may open their eyes to see their sin and folly; and to discover his mercy and kindness, his long suffering and patience towards them, that they may be thereby led to Repentance.
They may next enquire particularly and strictly into their ways and doings; which they may do, by considering what have been their thoughts, their words and deeds; each of which they are to examine according to the Rule of God's Word: Or, (which comes to the same thing) they may go over the Commandments, and see wherein they have broken any of them: Wherein they find themselves guilty, they are with unfeigned sorrow and inward contrition, to confess it, to mourn for it, and earnestly to beg forgiveness of God; resolving [Page 33] with full purpose of heart, to do so no more; but to cease from evil, and to learn to do well. They are to consider what Temptations they are most in danger of; that they may avoid them: They are also to consider what course they must take, and what Christian Methods they must use, to overcome their evil Inclinations, and foolish and bad Customs; and they are to resolve to govern themselves accordingly; and sincerely to endeavour to go on unto perfection. After this, they may reflect on the kind Providences they have met with; that their Souls may be filled with a grateful sense thereof; that they may return all praise and thanks to God for his mercy and love; and may be excited for the time to come, to trust more firmly in him, and to depend upon him. They may particularly consider, wherein God hath been pleased to answer their Prayers, and to grant them the good things they have asked of him for their Souls and Bodies, for themselves or for others; that their Piety and Love to God may be thereby the more kindled, and their Devotion excited; that their Faith and Hope may be made more strong and lively.
[Page 34]They may take notice likewise of the Corrections and Chastisements, wherewith God hath thought fit to exercise them; that thereby they may be awakened from sin, and made wiser and better for the time to come.
It will be very useful for them to have a Note in writing of those various particulars; that they may on such days review them, and with the more ease make such Reflections on them, as tend to their improvement in real Piety.
Besides these Acts of Devotion, which concern themselves immediately; it will be fit on such days to make earnest and hearty Prayers to God for all Mankind; for the Conversion of Jews, Turks and Pagans: For the Reformation of those Christian Countries that are corrupted with Superstition and Idolatry; for Union amongst those that are divided in their Opinions about lesser matters; for deliverance to those who are persecuted for Righteousness sake; and for these Lands, (that God may inspire us with a Spirit of Peace, of Love, and of true Piety;) For our King and Queen; for all Judges and Magistrates; for all the Ministers of the [Page 35] Gospel; for all their Frie nds and Relations; for all their Enemies, and for all who desire their Prayers; of whom it is not unfit to keep a particular Note in writing, that this Christian Office may be performed towards them with all faithfulness and kindness.
They are next to consider, what may be done by them for the honour of God and the good of Men; and are to resolve to do some Act or other of Piety or Charity, which may be of real advantage to Mens Souls or Bodies.
One thing more I shall mention, which may be very useful on such days; and that is, That they consider what are the things wherein they desire more earnestly the divine Assistance and Direction; which they may write down distinctly, that they may renew their Petitions therein every day. And thereafter, especially on such days as they appoint for more solemn Reflection and Humiliation, they may consider what Answers God has been pleased to afford them.
These are a few General Heads on this Subject, which may be of great advantage, in order to the promoting of true Devotion: But the designed brevity [Page 36] of this Treatise does not permit the enlarging upon them.
10. Duty, to observe what Providences they meet with, and to acquaint them therewith in due time.
Lastly, Consider what Providences they meet with, what signal Mercies and Favours their merciful Father bestoweth upon them; what Dangers and Hazards they have escaped; wherein God's kindness and mighty power has appeared towards them, in preserving them, and keeping them alive: Keep a Note thereof in writing; that so when they come to be of age, you may acquaint them therewith, that they may therein read the loving kindness and tender Mercies of the Lord, and his wonderful goodness and favour towards them; and may be excited to be thankful, and to put their trust and confidence in him, whose Mercies are over all his Works. But, alas! How far are most Parents from doing this? Very few do any such thing for themselves; the Mercies of God are renewed to them every morning, they live at his cost and charge, he gives them richly all [Page 37] things to enjoy; all their good things are from him alone: But how little do they consider, and take notice of the Hand of God, in those many and great benefits he loads them with every hour and moment? They do not reflect upon the great and marvellous things that he does for them; they live as if they were altogether insensible of God's mercies and loving kindnesses; and no wonder if they take little thought to possess their Children with any Impressions of that whereof they have no sense themselves.
Some Directions to Parents, how to render their Endeavours effectual.
Now, to render your Admonitions and all other Endeavours effectual, 1. They must give their Children good Example. for the good of your Children; First, you must give them good Example; when you bid them read or pray, or partake of the Holy Sacrament, or attend the publick Worship, &c. you must do (so far as is needful and fit) the same things your selves: This will make your Admonitions successful: Children learn more [Page 38] by the eye than by the ear. If they see you do contrary to what you advise them, they will be apt to think you do not believe what you say; or that you are very cruel and unmerciful towards them, to bind heavy burdens upon them, and not to touch them your selves; and if you should constrain your Children to do what you do not your selves; what would it signify? It would only make them Hypocrites and Dissemblers, to do that which they have no heart unto, and which they are not persuaded to be their Duty. Such Children, when once the restraint and force which is upon them is removed, will be sure to give themselves the full swing in all manner of Folly; they will do those things which they have seen in you, and learned by your Example.
2. They must chuse good Company for them.2dly. Chuse good Company for your Children, (so far as you have opportunity and ability to do it,) otherwise, neither your Admonitions nor Examples will signifie much: Their ordinary Company, if naughty, will pull down faster than yeu are able to build: Corrupt Nature is easily drawn away by the Example and Allurements [Page 39] of sinners; This is like going down hill, which is easie, considering Mens natural bent and inclination: Whereas Self-denyal and mortifying our Lusts and Passions, is more difficult, especially at first, like going up hill. When therefore you see your Children falling into the acquaintance of vicious and foolish Persons, delay not to rescue them from the share; to break off their Familiarity, that they be not corrupted thereby, and utterly ruined. We see how careful People are to keep their Children from those who have the Small Pox, or any other infectious Distemper; and yet what a strange madness is it for them to trust them to the Society of those, whose Lives and Manners are full of the deadly Poyson of Sin, which infects and kills the Soul.
As this Rule is necessary to be followed at all times, Advice to Parents who send their Children abroad to Travel. so especially when Parents send their Children into Foreign Countries, when they are fit to Travel; how careful should they be not to trust them to every body? But to the Conduct of those who not only may be useful to advance them in the [Page 40] Knowledge of the World, to assist them in their Journeyings, to take care about their Lodging and Diet, to wait on them to visit great Men, to see fine Places, curious Fabricks, famous Monuments, and ancient Inscriptions, to learn the Language of the Countrey, and the different Modes and Fashions, the Government and Policy, and such like: But who likewise (through the Blessing of God on their Endeavours,) may preserve them from the Vices of those Countries where they Travel; from those bad Customs to which they have a great inclination: Who may make it their business to season their Minds with deeper and more lively impressions of Virtue; to possess them with a mighty regard for such excellent Examples as they have occasion now and then to see, to fortify them against the many wicked and dangerous Opinions and Practices they meet with; to acquaint them chiefly with the wisest and best Men, by whose Conversation they may be improved in Wisdom and Virtue; that they may return into their own Country with their Minds furnished with useful Notions, with solid Principles, and wise Observations; that [Page 41] they may be able, either in a more private way, or in a publick capacity, to do somewhat, not unworthy of those who have had such good occasions for improving themselves in those things which are excellent. To serve this design, Parents are to be careful of two things; One is, That their Children travel under the conduct of one who is wise and prudent, and is of a sincere and solid Piety: If he be one that is either foolish, or prophane and Atheistical, his Company must needs be very hurtful and dangerous; It may utterly ruine the young persons who are intrusted to him. What an unaccountable thing is it to think, that men who are careful to have a skilful Groom to look to their Horses, should be so mad, as to venture their Children (who are their chiefest Possession, and the principal Objects of their care and kindness) into the hands of those who have little discretion, and less piety? The second thing that Parents ought to be careful of, in this matter; is, That their Children do not travel till they are come to somewhat of stayedness, and solidity of Judgment; till their understanding and discretion [Page 42] is such, as may give ground to hope that their Travelling shall do them no hurt, but good. It is none of the wisest parts in some Parents, to send their Children too soon into Foreign Countries, before their Judgment is prepared, and made fit to make useful Reflections and Observations on the World; before their minds are possessed with solid Principles of Virtue, and with a deep sense of Religion; so as not to be in great danger from the tentations which they are sure to meet with in most places: Before they know any thing at home, it is too soon to send them abroad: Before they know themselves a little, it is not advisable to send them into the wide World, to know a vast multitude of other things: Hence it too often comes to pass, that a great many return after their Travels greater Fools than they went; they bring back nothing but a load of the Vices and Vanities of other Countries.
3. They must, as need requires, reprove and chasten their Children: and how? Thirdly, Let not over-great fondness blind your eyes, so as not to see the faults of your Children; nor cause [Page 43] you to stop your ears against just complaints. It's true, there are some wicked people who love to sow discord, to kindle strife and contention; to divide the nearest Relations: But all are not so very wicked; you cannot but know some who love you and your Children sincerely; and when such persons tell you of their faults, you ought to do the part of those who are wise, as well as kind Parents; that is, you ought to do all you can to reform their faults, and make them better; and withal you ought to be heartily thankful to those who do not flatter you and your Children, to the hurt both of you and them.
In order to their Reformation, try first all gentle Methods to make them better: Endeavour to conquer them with the Weapons of Kindness and Affection; Endeavour by Instructions and Admonitions to make them sensible of their Faults; Use Promises and Encouragements to allure them to do what they ought; When Threatnings are necessary, make use of them likewise; and if they do not serve the turn, then try the Rod; but let it be always the last remedy, after you have [Page 44] in vain attempted their Reformation by milder and gentler Methods: And when you use Severity, do it with due moderation, and with great care; lest you kindle your own passion, and exceed the bounds of wisdom and discretion. If once you give way to this rough, severe, and violent Method of dealing with your Children, The Evil of too great Severity. there is a threefold disadvantage attends it; First, you discourage your Children, you break their Spirits, you make them unfit for any useful thing; you tempt them to do such things as are hurtful to themselves, and may prove grievous to you. If oppression makes a wise man mad; 'tis no wonder if a Child, or young person, is sadly disordered, and made half mad by cruel and tyrannical usage: Tho' it be a fault in Children to be so; yet Parents ought to be careful not to provoke them over-much to wrath, by a severe unmerciful carriage towards them. Secondly, you kindle your own passions, you disorder your minds, and accustom your selves to a fiery Temper; you become fierce, barbarous, and savage; thereby you turn one of your [Page 45] great Temporal Comforts into a grievous Cross and heavy Burden. Thirdly, you hereby likewise teach your Children, thorough your Example, to be of a passionate and violent Spirit; and so you do them more hurt, than all your Corrections and Instructions can do them good: Never think to cure them of their Faults, by your committing as bad your selves: You must not do evil that good may come of it: The wrath of man worketh not the Righteousness of God.
Fourthly, When it pleaseth God to visit them with sickness, 4. They must carefully improve the Time of their Childrens Sickness, or of any other afflictions they meet with, towards the making of them wiser and better. or any other adversity; be sure to do all that you can, to bear in upon their minds, a sense of those things you are most desirous to have them touched with, and which in time of their health they made but very little account of. Affliction is the time, in which God useth to work upon the hearts of people most powerfully and effectually; Then he awakeneth them, and convinceth them of their [Page 46] sad and dangerous state; He casts them down, that being made sensible of their sin and danger, he may again raise them up, and speak comfortably to them. I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably to her, Hos. 2.4. Therefore all they who sincerely desire to reclaim their Children, or others, from their bad and foolish courses, ought to take the opportunity of their sickness, their pain and grief, their losses and disappointments, and of any other sorts of troubles and afflictions wherein they are, that then they may suggest to them such Counsels and Advices as are proper for their Instruction, their Conviction, and Amendment. At other times, there are a great many things which are apt to hinder good Counsel from entring into the mind, or from making any deep impression thereon; pleasures and vanities are apt to choak the good seed: But when they are afflicted and humbled a little by some outward pressure, or bodily distemper; they are thereby somewhat better disposed to hear friendly Admonitions and Counsels, and to think a little more seriously of their ways and [Page 47] doings. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his Youth; He sitteth alone and keepeth silence, &c. Lam. 3.27, 28.
Fifthly, Be earnest in your Prayers to God daily for them; 5. They must daily pray to God for them. that he would make them what he requires them to be, his dutiful and obedient Children and Servants; That he would season their hearts with his Fear and Love; That he would turn them from Sin and Folly; and incline their hearts to keep his Precepts always, even unto the end; That he would hold up their goings in his paths, that their footsteps may not slide; That he would be their God and guide; their Sun and shield, and their portion for ever; and that he would give every one of them those things which be best and most needful for them. You have great encouragement to do this; because you are assured that God heareth Prayer; He hath said, Every one that asketh receiveth. So that either he will grant your Children what you beg for them, or if they render themselves unworthy of the mercy and kindness of God, by [Page 48] their perverseness and stubbornness; yet you are sure of one thing, that your Prayers are not lost; they shall return into your bosom: God will plentifully reward your Piety, your Charity, and Zeal, with more Grace here, and Glory hereafter.
Some Motives to excite Parents to do these things.
Now to stir you up to perform these things; 1. Motive, from the Divine Command. Consider, first, It is the Will of God that you bring up your Children in his Fear, and acquaint them with his holy Laws and Commandments. He who made you, requires you to do this; he who preserves you and keeps you alive; he who is your King and Lord, who has a Right to your service, to all that you are able to do; who is your Father in Heaven; who daily takes care of you, and loads you with his benefits; who is the God of your Salvation; who hath sent his Son into the World to die for you: It is even he who saith, Eph. 6.4. And ye Fathers, provoke not your Children to wrath, [Page 49] but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. If you then be the Subjects, the Servants, and the Children of the great God; If you love and fear him, as you ought to do, you will be sure to make it your business to train up your Children in true Virtue and Piety; to make them what God requires them to be, holy, as he who hath called them is holy, in all manner of Conversation; you will excite them to strive to enter in at the strait gate; To work out their Salvation with fear and trembling; To remember their Creator in the days of their youth; To seek God while he may be found, and to call upon him while he is near; To love the Lord with all their heart, and their Neighbours as themselves.
Secondly, 2. Motive, from its being a work worthy of the utmost care and pains of Parents. Is not this a work worthy of all your care and pains, to save the Souls of those, who are parts of your selves, who derive their Being from you? You are the Instruments not only of their Being, but the means of conveying unto them natural defilement and corruption: And therefore you ought with a great deal of Zeal [Page 50] to endeavour to have their pollutions washed off by true unfeigned Repentance, and a hearty turning from Sin unto God; by their putting off the works of darkness, and putting on the Armour of light; by their putting on the Lord Jesus Christ, and walking as he walked. Are you ready to do all that you can to make your Children rich and wealthy, great and honourable in the World? And yet are you at so little pains to do that for them, which tends to make them rich in Faith, and Heirs of a glorious Inheritance? You endeavor to acquaint them with those who may be useful to them in their worldly Affairs and Concerns; And why do you not strive to acquaint them with God, their greatest and best Friend? Who is sure to stand by them, to take them up, and to take care of them, when all forsake them, and turn their backs upon them? Why do you not with greater earnestness endeavour to procure unto them his Friendship and Love, who is infinitely Powerful, and infinitely Good and Kind; and therefore not only can, but will do for them exceeding abundantly above all that either you or they can think or ask?
[Page 51] Thirdly, The doing of this is attended with great Rewards, 3 Motive, from the Rewards which attend those who faithfully do these things. not only in another World, but even in this Life. You cannot but find unspeakable Joy and Comfort, when you behold your Children walking in the fear of God, going from strength to strength, and from Grace to Grace, that at last they may come and appear before the Lord in Sion. It will free you from a great many anxious thoughts about them for the time to come, when you know that they have God for their Friend, who will be a Guide and Buckler to them: What a great satisfaction will it afford you, to think that they, for whom you make so great provision, and are at so much pains, are good and wise, and in all probability will make good use of what is given them, or designed for them? When you see them humble, of a mild and gentle temper, apt to bear uneasie things meekly and patiently; when you see them sober and temperate, charitable and compassionate, just and upright, true and faithful, wise and prudent, devout and religious, zealous [Page 52] for the Honour of God, and studying daily to grow up in all Virtue and Piety; How will this fill you with a Pleasure that cannot be expressed? So true is it that is said by the Wise Man, Prov. 15. and 20. A wise Son maketh a glad Father.
Fourthly, If you neglect to do these things for the Souls of your Children, 4. Motive, from the sad Effects which attend the neglect of these Duties. and leave them to themselves to do as they list, then you may expect that their Sins and Follies, their Pride and Passion, their Gluttony and Drunkenness, their Cursing and Swearing, their Lying and Deceiving, their Malice and Revenge, their Chambering and Wantonness, their Atheism and Irreligion, will not only prove Tragical to them, but occasion great uneasiness, vexation and grief of mind to you. Prov. 10.1. A Foolish Son is a heaviness to his Mother, and Ch. 17.21. He that begetteth a Fool, doth it to his sorrow, and the Father of a Fool hath no joy.
'Tis true, 'tis not in the Power of Parents to infuse good Qualities into the Minds of their Children; some are so very perverse, that all that can [Page 53] be said or done by Parents, is altogether slighted, and neglected by them: However such Parents, who have the affliction of sad and wretched Children, have some comfort and satisfaction in having done their Duty for them, and in endeavouring to approve themselves unto God, who will accept of their honest and sincere endeavours; and will crown them with glorious Rewards. But it is otherwise, when Children prove bad through the too great indulgence or the negligence and bad Example of Parents. What a deep wound must it needs give them, when they begin to consider that they did not their part to make their Children good, and were so far from it, that they corrupted and ruined them by their bad Example, and over great kindness and indulgence? Such Parents do often eat the Fruits of their cruel fondness, and feel the sad Effects of their own bad Example, by means of their Prophane and Graceless Children. As God doth often visit the iniquity of the Parents upon the Children; so when Children are suffered to go on in their foolish and wicked courses, through the indiscreet gentleness and kindness of Parents, [Page 54] who, perhaps, are in other respects good people; the Lord doth sometimes punish such Parents, and bring Temporal Judgments upon them. Ely was a great instance of this, 1 Sam. 2. and 22. He heard all that his Sons did unto all Israel; which were things of a very vile nature, whereby, as it's said Chap. 3. and 13. they made themselves Vile, that is, hateful to God, and base and contemptible to all the People, by their lewd and abominable practices. Ely did reprove them, but it was too coldly and gently. Chap. 2.23, 24. And he said unto them, why do you such things? for I hear of your evil dealings by all this People: Nay, my Sons; for it is no good report that I hear; you make the Lord's People to transgress. Besides his reproof, he ought to have restrained them, Ch. 3. and 13. as being High-Priest, a Judge, and Chief Governour amongst the People: He ought to have put them out of the Priesthood, as accursed persons, and executed the Laws of God against them. Which because he did not, therefore God denounced very dreadful judgments against him by a Prophet, whom he sent unto him, Chap. 2.31, 32, 33, 34, 36. and Chap. [Page 55] 3.13, 14. And in Chap. 4. we find his two Sons Hophni and Phineas were slain in Battel by the Philistines, and the Ark of God was taken; upon the news whereof, the Old Man fell from off his Seat backwards, and his neck brake, and he dyed.
We see likewise in David, what was the Effect of his too great indulgence to some of his Children; especially Absalom and Adonijah, who not only wrought their own destruction, but proved great Crosses to their aged Father.
Advice to Parents.
PART II.
The Duties of Parents as to their Childrens Bodies.
HAving treated of the Duty of Parents towards their Children, as to their Souls, the better part; I shall next shew what their Duties are, as to the Bodies of their Children.
First, It belongs to the Mother to give suck to her Children; 1. Duty, it belongs to the Mother to give suck to her Children. unless some bodily imperfection, great weakness, or sickness, or her circumstances in the World, make it impossible, or very dangerous and inconvenient both for her and the Children, or for either. For this end it is that God hath given Breasts unto Women, and caused the [Page 57] Milk to flow into them, that there may be nourishment suitable to the tender Infants in a readiness for them. Neither can we suppose any other body capable of shewing equal Care and Love to the Children, with that which it is natural for the Mother to express to the Fruit of her own Womb. Besides this, it cannot well be imagined, that the Milk of any other Body can be so fit for the Child as its own Mothers, if she be but in tolerable Health. Even amongst the Heathens, they were accounted but half Mothers, who neglected to give Suck to their Children. An ancient Author amongst the Heathens, speaking on this Subject, saith Aulus Gellius, lib. 12. cap. 1. Quod est enim hoc contra naturam, imperfectam atque dimidiatum matris genus?, How unnatural a thing is this, how imperfect, and only to be a Mother by halves, having brought forth a Child, presently to throw it away? having nourished in her Womb somewhat that she could not see, not now to nourish it with her Milk, when she sees it alive, and calling for her assistance?
[Page 58]We see likewise that Nature hath impressed on the most Savage and Wild Creatures a readiness to draw out their Breasts to their young. Peperisse, ac statim ab sese abjecisse? aluisse in utero, sanguine suo, nescio quid, quod non videret? non alere nunc suo lacte quod videat, jam viventem? jam hominem? jam matris officia implorantem? Lam. 4.3. Even the Sea Monsters draw out the Breast, they give Suck to their young ones. And shall Women degenerate into such unnatural Barbarity towards their young, as is not to be met with amongst the most savage Creatures? Shall they, whose love and tenderness has been so noted and admired, prove unkind and cruel to the fruit of their own Womb?
2ly. When Children are fit for stronger Food, 2. Duty, about Childrens Diet. Parents are not to indulge them too much in gratifying the curiosity and daintiness of their Palate, which not only is apt to make them too soft and tender; but likewise disposeth them to gluttony and sensuality; to make their Belly their God. It is fit to accustom them to a plain and simple Diet; which is generally more wholsom than that [Page 59] sort of Food which is very artifically prepared. The State of all Humane Things is very uncertain; they who have at present all manner of things in greatest plenty and variety, may meet with changes and vicissitudes: It's therefore a part of the Wisdom of Parents, to accustom their Children (so far as their Health and strength can bear it) to eat any sort of Food; that so, if God sees fit to change their outward condition and circumstances, they may be the more fit and able to endure such an alteration.
Thirdly, As to their Habit and Apparel: 3. Duty, about Childrens Apparel. Parents ought to cloathe them decently, but not gorgeously: Fineries and Gayeties in Apparel are apt to make people, especially younger persons, vain and conceited, to value themselves upon their gay Cloathing. It is fit often to suggest to them, that their Cloaths and Apparel are but borrowed Feathers; and therefore that it is a great folly to be proud of that which is not their own, but which they owe to the Sheep or Goats, to the Worms or Bowels of the Earth.
[Page 60]It is not fit for Parents, to make too great distinction among their Children, as to their Apparel; because this is apt to cause discontents and jealousies, hatred and envy, contentions and quarrellings amongst them. Joseph's Coat of many Colours, which his old Father Jacob gave him, caused his Brothers to hate and envy him, and at last to conspire most wickedly against him, Gen. 37.3, 4. &c. The same is to be said as to their Diet, and other things; wherein it is no small part of the Wisdom of Parents, not to shew too much fondness to one above all the rest. This does not hinder, but that Parents may, to very good purpose, give Rewards to their Children for their Acts of Virtue, for their ready and chearful Obedience to their Commands; for their diligence and care in performing what was appointed them, &c. Whereby they who do such things are encouraged, and they who do not, but are careless and negligent, are punished, and spurred up to amend their faults. But when such marks of favour are bestowed, 'tis fit to let the rest know, that if they do as well, they also shall have a Reward: By which means they [Page 61] will see that Virtue and Goodness are the things which their Parents love and esteem most; and for which they are ready to bestow the marks of their affection.
The Duty of Parents as to the outward Estate of their Children.
A third thing that belongs to the care of Parents, is the outward Estate of their Children.
First, When they are fit for a Trade, 1. Duty, to chuse a fit Tr [...] them. they ought to chuse an honest Employment for them: To suffer them to live in Idleness, is to ruin them: If they have not some useful thing or other to take up their thoughts, they are in great hazard of finding somewhat to do which is bad, and hurtful both to themselves and others. The Devil is always at hand to furnish Occasions to idle people, for employing themselves to their own destruction.
As to the particular kind of Employment, wherein Children are to spend their days, it is to be left to the discretion and prudence of Parents: They [Page 62] are so to instruct and dispose the minds of their Children, that they may be ready to be determined to any Trade or manner of Life that's honest, which their Parents think best and meetest for them to follow: But yet a great regard is to be had to the particular Genius and Inclination of Children, which ordinarily disposeth them more for one sort of Employment than another: It will make them more diligent in learning their Trade, when they have a delight in it: Otherwise, if they are put forth to a Trade against their minds, they are more likely to neglect it, or to break off from it. Seldom do such persons attain unto great perfection in their Employment, who follow it against the grain.
2. Duty, about disposing of them in Marriage. Secondly, When they are fit for Marriage, Parents are so to dispose of them, as that in all likelyhood they may be happy in such a state of Life: They are not to constrain them to marry against their will; for such marriages are seldom happy; they end too often in somewhat or other very Tragical and Calamitous, to one or t'other party, if not to both.
[Page 63]Great care is to be taken, that there be not too great inequality of outward state and condition; for that occasions often neglect and contempt of the person that is inferiour to the other in some external advantages: Nor yet too great inequality of years; for that doth likewise, sooner or later, cause an abatement and decay, and sometimes an utter extinction of that Respect and Love which is necessary to make those who are married happy.
Parents are not, in disposing of their Children in Marriage, to govern themselves wholly by their respect to Riches and Honour; but are to have a regard to Virtue and Goodness, so far, as to prefer one who is discreet and wise, of a Virtuous and good disposition, to another that is foolish, or indiscreet, and prophane and Atheistical, tho' attended with greater degrees of Wealth and Earthly Honour. What a great Reproach is it to our Religion, to think that so many Parents, in disposing of their Children, only consider how much Wealth they may have, and what Friends and Alliances they may make by marrying into such a Family? or what Profits and Preferments may [Page 64] be expected thereby? As for any other thing, they do not much trouble their Heads about it: They know no other happiness but in the things of this life, and therefore they seek nothing else for their Children, but to make them great and wealthy; by which means it often comes to pass that they bring their Children into a most miserable and unhappy state of life, in which they must pine away their days in sorrow and grief, in the Company of foolish and wicked wretches, who are often in a fury and rage, who spend their time in gaming and drinking, in Cursing and Swearing, in quarrelling and fighting, in whoring and ranting, and such like woful doings; which cannot but prove to those, who have any the least degree of real goodness, so very uneasie and afflictive, that Wealth and Riches can make no amends for them. Such unfortunate persons cannot but often envy the happiness of those who are in a very poor and low estate and condition, but yet live in peace and quietness, in love and concord, and in the fear of God; and so enjoy-real satisfaction and contentment, and have a great deal of Comfort to sweeten [Page 65] their outward Wants and Necessities. Prov. 15.16, 17. Better is little with the fear of the Lord; than great Treasure, and trouble therewith. Better is a Dinner of Herbs where Love is, than a stalled Ox, and hatred therewith.
Thirdly, Parents are to provide for them, 3. Duty, about providing somewhat that may be the foundation of their comfortable subsistance in the World. if they can, somewhat that may be a foundation for their Comfortable subsistance in the World; which by the Blessing of God on their Callings, may be improved towards their living decently and honestly. Parents are not to propose to themselves, the rendring their Children very Great and Rich: But as they themselves having Food and Rayment, are to be therewith content; so, if they can get Necessaries for their Children, they ought to rest satisfied, and be thankful. Our life (that is the happiness of our life) doth not consist in the abundance of the things we possess, Luke 12.15. Tho' you are thus to provide for your Children; yet you are not, out of too great thoughtfulness about the time to come, to restrain your selves from doing all necessary [Page 66] Offices of Charity to the poor, who do now stand in need of your help: Never neglect a present Duty for fear of an uncertain inconvenience: You are forbid to take thought for the Morrow, Matth. 6.34. But you are required to do good to all Men, while you have opportunity, Gal. 6.10. To cast your Bread upon the Waters; to give a Portion to seven, as also unto eight, because you know not what evil there may be in the Earth, Eccles. 11.1, 2. This is the way to lay up Treasures for your Children; to entail upon them great Blessings; to make God their Guardian; to leave them to his merciful and kind Providence, and to his Almighty protection. Ps 37.25, 26. I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the Righteous forsaken, nor his Seed begging Bread. He is ever merciful and lendeth, and his Seed is Blessed. So that by your Bounty and Charity, you put forth your Money into God's hands, who will not fail to repay it with Usury. He that gives to the poor, lendeth to the Lord. You thereby bring your Wares to a good Market. The liberal Soul shall be made fat, Prov. 11.25. He that gives to the poor shall not lack, Prov. 28.27. [Page 67] and Deut. 15.10. it is written, Thou shalt surely give him, (to wit thy poor Brother) and thy heart shall not be grieved, when thou givest unto him; because that for this thing, the Lord thy God shall bless thee, in all thy Works, and in all that thou puttest thine hands unto. And in the Epistle to the Hebrews, ch. 6. v. 10. it is said, God is not unrighteous to forget your work, and labour of love, which you have shewed towards his Name, in that you have ministred to the Saints, and do minister. From all which it appears, that Charity and Liberality are the best Husbandry.
As you are to beware, lest your care for your Children, make you neglect necessary Duties of Charity; so you are to take heed, lest you use any unlawful method to get Wealth to bestow upon them: This is not a way to make them rich; for such Riches seldom prosper: There is a Curse which attends all unlawful Gain, and like a Canker eats it out, and consumes it. All Ages and Places afford Examples, which confirm this Observation. Better, saith Solomon, Prov. 16.8. is a little with Righteousness, than great Revenues without Right.
[Page 68]Thus I have shewed you what are the principal Duties you owe to the Souls and Bodies of your Children, and what you are to do for them as to their outward Estate.
The above mentioned particulars earnestly recommended to Parents.
From what hath been said you may see, what a weighty and difficult charge you have; the sense whereof should excite you to beg of God earnestly every day, that he would direct and assist you, to perform the Duties that belong to Christian Parents. That you may the better act your part; 'tis fit for you, when you call your selves to an account about your Lives and Conversations, to make enquiry particularly how you perform the Duties of Parents towards your Children, as to their Souls, their Bodies, and Outward Concerns: And if upon serious enquiry, you find that you sincerely endeavour to do whatever you know your selves to be bound to do for them; then bless and praise God, who gives you both to will and to do according to his good pleasure: Beg his pardon for those imperfections [Page 69] and defects that attend all Humane Actions: Resolve to go on, and not to grow weary in your Duty towards them; that so they may be as happy in all respects, as is possible for you, by the help of God, to make them.
But if upon enquiry, you find that you have been very defective in your duty towards your Children; that you have done very little good for their Souls, and not what you should, and might have done for their Bodies and outward Estate; and that perhaps you have done them a great deal of hurt by your Evil Counsel, and Prophane and Wretched Example; that you have led them on in the Broad Way, which leads to the Chambers of Death; that you have robbed God, who bestowed them on you, of their Service and Obedience; and have made them the Servants of Sin; that you have contributed to the making them Heirs of Wrath, Children of Disobedience, who were made by their Baptism, Children of God, and Inheritors of the Kingdom of Heaven; that you have done what tended to destroy eternally those Souls and Bodies, which God intrusted with you, that you might take care of them, and do [Page 70] what you could to make them happy. If, I say, upon enquiry into your hearts and lives, you find your selves guilty of those things, how great reason have you to be in bitterness and grief of Heart, to weep and lament, to abhor your selves in Dust and Ashes, to confess and acknowledge your sins with great humility and contrition, to implore the divine mercy and forgiveness with all earnestness, for the sake of his dear Son; to resolve and purpose sincerely to amend your ways and doings; to beg grace from God, that he would assist you, that he would compass you about with his Salvation; and never leave you nor forsake you. Consider the particular things wherein you have hurt the Souls of your Children, and failed in your Duty to them, as to their Bodies and Outward Concerns: And the more you find you have done amiss, resolve so much the more to be zealous to do them good; to double your diligence in promoting the wellfare and happiness both of their Souls and Bodies. Tell them so far as is meet, what you now see and feel; let them know that you have been out of the way, that you have milled them, [Page 71] and brought both your selves and them in danger of being undone, and ruined eternally: Tell them what you resolve to do, and what you and they ought to do, and must do, or else that you will certainly perish. Delay not to do this one moment: fly like a Bird out of the Snare of the Fowler. Your Souls lye at the stake, and therefore do what Men use to do to save their Lives; Skin for Skin, and all that a Man hath, will he give for his Life. Men are ready to part with any thing to save their lives; They'l part with House and Lands, with Silver and Gold, with their whole Estate and Substance, to save their Bodies alive, which must dye at last, and, for ought they know, may dye within a very few days or hours. How much more ought you, that you may save your own Souls, and the Souls of your Children, to part with your vile and unruly Lusts and Passions, your vain foolish Habits and Customs, which are your reproach and dishonour, which are the worst things in the World; which can do you no good, if you hold them still, but will certainly do you a great deal of mischief? They will prove the cause of your destruction; [Page 72] they will deprive you of all that is good and excellent; they will cut you off from the favour of God, the Love of Christ, and the fellowship of the Blessed Spirit; they will likewise deprive you of the assistance and Ministry of the Holy Angels, and the Comfortable Society of the Saints departed; they will exclude you for ever from the Kingdom of Heaven, the Crown of righteousness, the peace and joy, the love and glory of the future State: All this your sins will deprive you of; and instead thereof, they will expose you to the Wrath of God, to the devouring fire, to everlasting Burnings, to blackness of darkness, to weeping and gnashing of Teeth, to the wretched and cursed company of Devils and damned Souls, to the Worm which never dieth, which will gnaw you, and torment you for ever: And will you chuse all this rather than part with your Lusts, that you may be for ever happy, and have fulness of joy and pleasures for evermore? Will you be so mad, as to prefer Hell and Death, everlasting Misery and Woe, to Heaven and everlasting life, to Blessedness and Glory? Now is the time for you [Page 73] to become either happy or miserable; if you repent and amend, and act the part of Wise and Religious Parents, you may be happy; for God will have mercy upon you. Isa. 55.7. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous Man his Thoughts: And let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. Follow therefore the Example of the Psalmist, Psal. 119.59, 60. I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy Testimonies. I made haste and delayed not to keep thy Commandments. But if, instead of this, you continue in your sin and folly, setting at naught Gods Counsels, and despising his Reproofs, putting the Evil Day far from you, promising your selves peace and safety, tho' you walk after your own Hearts Lusts; making a mock at sin, and laughing at all that is sacred and serious; and by your wicked Example destroying the Souls and Bodies of your poor Children; then assure your selves God will not be mocked; he will at last whet his Sword and bend his Bow, and make ready his Arrows against his Adversaries; he will render to you according to your Works; he will in no wise [Page 74] clear the Guilty. Consider the terrible threatning which is mentioned, Deut. 29.19, 20. against the man, who, when he heareth the words of the Curse, does bless himself in his Heart, saying, I shall have peace, tho' I walk in the imagination of my heart, to add drunkenness to thirst: [The Lord will not spare him, but the anger of the Lord and his jealousie shall smoke against that man; and all the Curses that are written in this Book shall lye upon him, and the Lord shall blot out his Name from under Heaven.]
Concerning the Duty of Parents when God removeth their Children by death.
After all that hath been said, it will not be unfit to add somewhat concernning the Duty of Parents, when God sees fit to remove their Children from them by Death. This falls out so very often to Parents, that it cannot but be seasonable to a great many to suggest to them some plain and easie considerations, which they may sometimes reflect upon, and imprint on their minds; that so they may not be surprised with the death of their Children, nor swallowed up of excessive and immoderate grief.
[Page 75]Parents ought to consider, 1. They ought to consider that it is the Lord who does it. when their Children dye, first, that is the Lord who does it: He who is Lord of Life, who gave Life to themselves and to their Children, is also Lord of death, and removes out of the World whom, and when, he sees sit. He is the great Potter; and Man is the Clay, which he hath formed and fashioned into a curious and beautiful shape; and animated with an immortal Soul: When he sees fit to break this brittle Vessel in pieces, and to separate the Soul from it, who dare say unto him, What doest thou? May not he do with his own, what he thinks good? Or must he give an account of his Actions, unto the work of his own hands? He is infinitely great and powerful; and therefore will do according to his own good pleasure: He is infinitely wise, and knows what's best and fittest to be done. He is infinitely good and kind, and therefore will order all things for good: And he is infinitely just and righteous, and therefore can do no wrong. It's fit therefore that Parents, when God removes their Children from them by [Page 76] Death, submit chearfully to the will of him, who is infinitely powerful, wise, good, and just; and that they adore him, and say with Ely, 1 Sam. 3.18. It is the Lord, let him do what seemeth him good.
2. They ought to consider that their Children were born mortal. Secondly, They should consider that their Children were born Mortal, frail by Nature, subject to a necessity of dying, by their very composition and frame; and also by the Decree of Heaven, Heb. 9.27. It is appointed for all Men once to dye. And therefore when God sees fit to remove them by Death, to make the House of Clay fall down about their Ears, Parents ought not to be surprised: This is nothing but what falls out daily: Some are going out of the World, and some are coming into it: Some are a great while upon the Stage, and some but a very short while; some no sooner enter upon it, but presently they are gone, and are seen no more; some take a few turns, and then they are withdrawn; some tarry longer, and act a great part on the Stage, for a considerable time, and [Page 77] give hopes of yet greater Actions and Performances; but on a sudden they are gone likewise, as a shadow; and all their own designs and projects, and the hopes and expectations of others fall to the ground. All this happens every day in the Course of things here in the World; and therefore Parents have no reason to think it strange when they see their Children dye. The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done, is that which shall be done; and there is no new thing under the Sun, Eccles. 1.9.
And as it is with men, so it is with all things else, which live upon the Earth, or grow out of it: Some live longer and some a shorter while than others of the same kind: Some prosper and thrive, and others decay and perish. Some things grow up in the Morning, and are withered e're Night: Some things grow apace till they are very near the time of ripeness and perfection; and then somewhat happeneth, which prevents the perfect growth, and makes the goodly appearance come to nothing: Now, what are Men? Moses in his Prayer ( Ps. 90.5, 6.) tells us, In the Morning they are like [Page 78] grass, which groweth up; In the Morning it flourisheth and groweth up: In the Evening it is cut down and withereth. And to the same purpose the Psalmist David speaketh, Psal. 103.15, 16, As for Man his days are as grass, as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth, for the Wind passeth over it, and it is gone, and the place thereof shall know it no more. Likewise Esa. 40.6, 7. it is thus written, The Voice said Cry. And he said What shall I cry? All flesh is grass, and all the goodliness thereof is as the flower of the field. The grass withereth, the flower fadeth, because the Spirit of the Lord bloweth upon it: Surely the people is grass. By all which it appears what Man is by Nature, to wit, a very weak and vanishing thing, soon nipt and brought to nothing; like the tender Grass and the Flower of the Field, which is more exposed to the Winds and other inconveniencies, than the Flowers of the Garden, which the Gardiner preserves and secures.
The Consideration of these things will tend mightily to quiet the minds of those who calmly and wisely reflect upon them, when God removes their [Page 79] Children, or other Relations from them by Death. Their case is not singular, it is that which is common and usual amongst men; it is according to the course of Nature for a mortal thing to die.
But what if the manner of the death of your Children be somewhat extraordinary, by some sudden and unusual Accident, or by some strange and odd Distemper; are you on this account to allow your selves in the excesses of Sorrow and Mourning? No, in no ways: You are not therefore to be transported into immoderate grief and mourning. Shall you be vexed and disquieted, because a Worm did eat up your pleasant Fruit, or because the stormy Wind did blow away your lovely Flowers? Are you therefore to be enraged and mad with anger against the Worms, or against the Winds? What would it mend the matter, if you should give way to your passion and anger never so much in such a case? This would only multiply your losses, by making you lose not only your Fruit and your Flowers, but your selves too: Which they all do, who lose their patience, in which it is that we possess our Souls.
[Page 80]When therefore your Children are removed from you by Death, in some unusual and extraordinary manner, you ought to look beyond Diseases or Accidents unto the Lord of Life and Death; who by his Providence ordereth not only their death, but the manner of it. If the Sparrows fall not to the ground, that is, die not, without your Father: You may be sure your Children do not die by chance, or without the particular disposal of their heavenly Father. As to the particular grounds and reasons for which God does after such a manner see fit to put an end to your Childrens days, you are not to be too curious and inquisitive. The Counsels of God are a great deep: His ways are in the deep waters; and none by searching can find him out unto perfection, Job 11.7. Upon such occasions all ought to remember the words of our Lord, when they told him of the Galileans, whose blood Pilate had mingled with their Sacrifices, Luk. 13.2, 3, 4, 5. Suppose ye that these Galileans were sinners above all the Galileans, because they suffered such things? I tell you, Nay: But except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. Or those eighteen upon [Page 81] whom the Tower of Siloe fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem? I tell you, Nay: But except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
Thirdly, Consider from whence, 3. They should consider from whence, and whither they are gone. and whither they are gone. They were here in a life of Vexation and Trouble; subject to innumerable vanities, temptations, snares and dangers: They were compassed about with great and terrible Enemies, the Devil, the World, and the Flesh: They were subject to daily necessities and wants. If they had lived never so long, they would only have seen the same things in a continual succession and revolution: As for Example, heat and cold, fair weather and foul, night and day, Summer and Winter, health and sickness, plenty and poverty, peace and war, prosperity and adversity, succeeding one to another: All things going round. But now they are delivered from all these; they are at rest, they are subject to no more necessities and wants; oppressed with no more troubles and vexations; exposed to no more enemies, [Page 82] temptations or dangers; but exalted to a state of perfect peace, joy, love, and glory. They are as well and better than you can desire: You are not able to comprehend the Happiness that they are admitted to. Will you then be in continual sorrow and grief for your Children, when they are exalted to a state of Rest and Glory; when they are where you would rejoyce to be; when their gracious Father hath freed them from the vain company of the World, and translated them into the blessed Society of Angels, and of the Spirits of just men made perfect; when he hath put an end to their toil and labour, to their fighting and wrestling against their Enemies, and bestowed on them a Crown of Glory, and an everlasting Inheritance; when he hath broken their bonds asunder, wherein they were held and kept in captivity and slavery, and hath put them into a state of perfect and glorious freedom? The consideration of these things should mitigate and asswage your sorrow and grief, and fill you with unspeakable comfort and gladness.
[Page 83]But some are apt to say, I should rejoyce, if I thought that my Children, who are dead, were in Heaven: But this I do not know. As to this, you are not to trouble your thoughts about it: for God does not see fit to acquaint you with such things. Secret things belong to God; and things revealed to us and to our Children, Deut. 29.29. If your Children, while they were alive, minded good things; and if you did your part to instruct them, and to make them what God requires them to be, you are not to be any further solicitous about their everlasting state: You are to hope that they are very happy, and you are to comfort your selves with these thoughts.
But some are apt to say, I am afraid that my Children are not in a happy state; they did very bad things, and used bad Company; and therefore I have cause to fear, and to be troubled about them, now that they are dead. As to such Parents, who have had wretched Children, they ought not to suffer their minds to be disordered, and oppressed with grief and sorrow, because their Children, who died, were wicked. If they did their Duty to make [Page 84] them better; if they advised and admonished them; if they reproved them, and, as was fitting, chastened them; if they desired others to deal with them, to see what they could do towards the reclaiming of them; if they prayed to God for them, and gave them a good Example: they are not any further to be troubled and disquieted concerning them, when God takes them into his own hand; He is wise and good, holy and just, he does all things well, for excellent and glorious ends; and therefore Parents ought to leave them to his Disposal, who is the Supreme Governour of the World, and Judge of the whole Earth. Whatever he does, whether in Mercy or Justice, is always best. The Inhabitants of the other World, who are translated into a state of heavenly Glory, are not under the power of such passions and partialities, as govern us here below. The glorified Parents of damned Children, are not under any uneasiness on that or any other account: The Will of God and his Glory is their all; they know that whatever he does is most perfectly just and good, and for his honour; and therefore all things afford them [Page 85] great pleasure and delight, true and lasting joy and satisfaction of mind. There's nothing able to interrupt the happiness and joy of those in Glory: They are perfectly and eternally delivered from all sort of evils, both of sin and punishment: They are placed above the reach of whatever may render them in the least uneasie.
But there is a third sort; of those who are troubled, not only because their Children were bad and prophane, but because they were so through their example or neglect. As for such, I have already in general shewed them what they ought to do. I shall only add; That since they have been so faulty and defective in their Duty towards their deceased Children, they ought to be the more careful of those who are yet alive, and to do all that is possible to make them what God requires them to be. As to those who have no more Children left them, it would be very fit for them to take into their care one or more Children, upon whom they may bestow all that pains & care which they should have bestowed in the right Education of their own; and endeavour, by God's help, to make [Page 86] them truly pious and religious, and Patterns of all sorts of Virtue to others. This is an office which will be very acceptable to God, and one of the best demonstrations which Parents can make of the sincerity of their Repentance, for their not having done their Duty to their own Children.
4. They should consider that there will be a Resurrection. Fourthly, Consider, That there will be a Resurrection of all those that are dead. The mighty Power of God, which made all things cut of nothing, will also gather together the scattered dust of those who are deceased, and will reform and rebuild, as it were, their bodies which are fallen down, and consumed. He will raise them up again in a more excellent, perfect, and glorious manner. Then shall you meet with your Children and Friends who died in the Lord, and behold them after another manner, than you saw them here in this World. Instead of weak and diseased bodies, you shall see them strong, vigorous, and lively bodies: Instead of frail and dying bodies, you shall see immortal and incorruptible bodies: Instead of filthy and vile bodies, you [Page 87] shall see pure and glorious bodies: And you shall see them so as to be with them for ever, so as never any more to be separated from them by death, or any other thing; for you and they shall die no more: 1 Cor. 15.42, 43, 44. So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption, it is raised in incorruption; it is sown in dishonour, it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness, it is raised in power. It is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body: And vers. 15, 53. This corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
How gladly would poor people part with their dearest Children, if they could be assured of seeing them again in an honourable state and condition, exalted to great Dignity and Honour? And will not you, who have the hopes of a glorious Resurrection, be comforted in the absence of your Children? when their merciful God and Father takes them away from you unto himself; not to do them hurt, but good; to make them happy and blessed with himself for ever; to bestow upon them what eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, nor which hath entred into [Page 88] the heart of man to conceive? Consider the words of the Apostle to the Thessalonians, 1 Epist. 4.13, 14. But I would not have you to be ignorant, Brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope: For if we believe that Jesus dyed and rose again, even so them, which sleep in Jesus, will God bring with him.
5. They should consider that their giving way to excessive Grief and Mourning, can do no good, but will certainly do a great deal of hurt. Fifthly, Your giving way to excessive Grief and Mourning, can do you no good, but will certainly do you a great deal of hurt and mischief in many respects. It cannot bring back your Children that are dead. Though you should break your Hearts into a thousand pieces, by your weeping and mourning, and waste and consume your years in constant heaviness and sorrow; tho' you should never henceforth allow your selves one moment of relaxation of mind; after all you must go to them, they shall not return to you. Now what a folly is it for Men to consume, to disquiet, and to torment themselves, where it is to no purpose at all to do so?
[Page 89]And not only do you thereby no good at all to your selves, but you do your selves a great deal of mischief and prejudice. You provoke God to anger against you, to bring upon you yet heavier and more grievous punishments, and to deprive you of other Mercies and Comforts, which you still enjoy.
You do thereby no small hurt to your Bodies; you bring upon your selves very dangerous Distempers, which will make you unfit for the actions of Life, and the Duties of your Calling. You likewise do unspeakable mischief to your Souls; you deprive your selves of that vigour and chearfulness of Spirit, that is needful to make you fit to serve God acceptably. You thereby weaken your Memory, and darken and disorder your Reason and Understanding, and so expose your selves to all the sad consequences of a disordered and distracted Mind.
Your Example does also a great deal of hurt to others: Your impatience and immoderate sorrow and mourning teacheth others to do so upon the like occasion. Hereby you bring no small reproach upon our holy Religion, [Page 90] as if it were not sufficient to support and fortifie us against our crosses and afflictions, and to comfort us amidst the uneasie things which God sees sit to exercise us with in this World.
What an excellent Example is David unto you in this matter? When God struck his Child, so that it was very sick, he fasted and prayed; but when the Child died, he arose from the earth, and washed and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came unto the House of the Lord, and worshipped: Then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat. Then said his servants unto him, What thing is this that thou hast done? Thou didst fast and weep for the Child, while it was alive; but when the Child was dead, thou didst rise and eat bread. And he said, While the Child was yet alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, Who can tell, whether God will be gracious unto me, that the Child may live? But now he is dead, Wherefore should I fast? Can I bring him again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me, 2 Sam. 12.15, 16, &c. Thus ought all Parents to do, who [Page 91] fear God. When the Lord layeth his hand upon your Children, you ought to pray to God for them, and to use all lawful means for their recovery: But when he sees fit to take them away by death, you ought patiently to submit to his Will, and to say with Job: The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord, Job 1.21. This is your wisest course: It is the way to make your selves happy, and to enjoy comfort and satisfaction of mind under your crosses. This is the likeliest and readiest way to obtain new Mercies and Favours from the Lord, instead of those you are deprived of: Thus you see the Lord dealt with Job: Jam. 5. 11. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord: That the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy. And Job 42.12, 13. The Lord blessed the latter end of Job, more than his beginning. And vers. 16, 17. After this lived Job an hundred and forty years, and saw his sons, and his sons sons, even four generations. So Job dyed, being old and full of days.
But if God see it more fit to withhold from you the blessings of the [Page 92] Womb, and to bestow no more Children upon you; he can and will make up this want, with much greater and better Blessings. What you want in Temporals, you shall have in Spirituals. As Elkanah said to Hannah, 1 Sam. 1.8. He will be better to you than ten Sons. He will give you a Name better than of Sons and Daughters, even an everlasting Name, that shall not be cut off. Isa. 56.5.
SOME FORMS OF PRAYER WHICH Parents may teach their Children according to their Age.
A Morning Prayer to be taught Children, when they begin to speak.
O Lord, I praise thee for all thy Mercies, and for thy Care of me this Night. Watch over me this day. Forgive me all my sins, and make me thy Child for Jesus Christ his sake.
This Prayer may be used likewise at [Page 94] Night, only changing that petition [watch over me this Day] into [watch over me this Night.]
When Children come to be four or five years old, the following Prayer may be used.
O Lord my God, what shall I render unto thee for all thy Mercies. I bless thee for giving me Life, and all things needful to keep me alive. But above all, I bless thee for sending Christ to dye for me, that he might wash me with his Blood, and make me fit for the Kingdom of Heaven. For his sake have mercy upon me, and forgive me all my sinful thoughts, words, and deed. Give me Grace to serve thee as I ought to do; that I may not do, nor say a naughty thing, lest thou be angry with me, and cast me into Hell fire. Lord bless and preserve my Father and Mother If there be Brothers and Sisters let them pray for them likewise. and all my Friends and Relations.
I praise thee, O God, for preserving of me this Night, watch over me this day; save me from every evil thing. Good Lord hear me, and grant me whatsoever thou knowest to be best for me, for Jesus Christ his [Page 95] sake, in whose holy name and words, I pray, Our Father, &c.
This Prayer may be likewise used at Night, by changing only two words, and saying, instead of [preserving me this night] [preserving me this day;] and instead of [watch over me this day] [watch over me this night.]
A Morning Prayer for Children, when they come to twelve or fourteen years of Age; sooner or later, according to the ripeness of their understanding.
LORD teach and assist me to worship thee as I ought to do, Lift up my heart unto thee.
What shall I render unto thee, O most gracious God, and most merciful Father, for all thy mercies to me, and to all the World? I bless thee for making me a reasonable Creature, and for affording me all things which be needful to support my Life; I bless thee for my health, liberty, and safety; for my Food and Rayment; for the use of my Reason and Ʋnderstanding, [Page 96] and of my Senses; for thy corrections and deliverances; and for all the advantages I have had by good Examples, and good Instructions: But chiefly, I praise and bless thee for the redemption of Mankind by the Lord Jesus Christ: That I was born within thy Church, where I was early given to thee in Baptism; that I have had the benefit of Christian Education; that thou hast afforded me the means of Grace, and called me to the hope of Glory.
But notwithstanding thy goodness and love, I have gone astray from thee; I have not cared so much as I ought to have done, to know thee, and to do thy Will, but have done my own will in many things; and followed my own foolish and sinful inclinations: I have broken many of thy most Holy and Just Laws, in thought, word, and deed Here they may make a particular Confession of their Sins., whereby I have deserved thy Wrath and Curse.
Father of Mercies have mercy upon me, & forgive me all my sins for Jesus Christ his sake, who dyed for sinners. Give me a true and hearty Repentance for all mine Iniquities; that I may not wilfully break thy [Page 97] Laws any more. Lord never leave me, nor forsake me. Hold up my goings in thy Paths, that my footsteps may not slide. Grant that henceforth I may love thee with all my heart, and may be afraid to sin against thee: Work in me a true Faith, and a lively hope; make me humble, meek, and patient, sober and temperate in all things, Charitable and compassionate towards all that are in distress, true and faithful in my words, and sincere and upright in my Actions, well content and thankful in every condition of Life, and zealous for thy Glory. Grant that I may daily grow in Grace and spiritual Knowledge. Create in me a clean Heart, and renew a right Spirit wethin me, and cause me to walk in thy ways.
O Lord send thy Gospel through the World: pour our plentifully the Blessings of thy holy Spirit on all thy People: Bless and preserve our King and Queen. Guide our Judges and Magistrates: Sanctifie and assist the Ministers of the Gospel. Be with all my Friends and Relations, particularly bless and preserve my Father and Mother. Reward them for their care and kindness towards me: Make me a loving [Page 98] and dutiful Child unto them. If there be any Brothers or Sisters, he may pray for them, and for Grandfather and Grandmother, if they be alive. Comfort all that are in trouble, and sanctifie their afflictions to them.
I thank, thee, O Lord, for thy care of me this Night: Watch over over me this day. Bless and direct me in all I do or say. Keep me mindful that I am always in thy sight, that I may be in thy fear all the day long. Cause me to remember that I must shortly dye and come to judgment; that I may not mispend my precious time, but employ it in a constant and chearful Obedience to thy holy and righteous Laws; that when this vain and short life is at an end, I may be made partaker of everlasting Life, through Jesus Christ our Lord; in whose Holy Name and words I pray, Our Father, &c.
This Prayer may serve likewise at Night, until you come to the last part, which begins with these words, [I thank thee, O Lord, for thy care of me this Night, &c.] instead thereof, you may say as follows, [I thank thee, O Lord, for thy care of me this [Page 99] day; watch over me this Night, and grant me quiet repose; save me from every Evil thing, for the sake of thy dear Son Jesus Christ, in whose Holy Name and words, I conclude my imperfect Prayers, saying, Our Father, &c.]