THE Relator hereof (being one who de­sires to feare the Name of the LORD,) having been an eye and ear-witnesse, both of the sad sufferings, and longed-for- deliverance of this handmaid, M ^ris SARAH WIGHT; and upon his enquiring at the first and best hand, having many of her precious E­vangelicall expressions, (as the first fruits thereof, [ viz. from pag. 16, to 35,]) testified to him, by such as are well approved off for godlinesse and faithfulnesse; who were also eye and ear-witnesses with himselfe of the rest here recorded; And he observing, and noting down presently from time to time, since this happy change, such * Glad-ti­dings uttered of the Righteousnesse of God, of his Faithfulnesse and Salvation, of his * benigne Kind­nesse and Truth: he could not but Publish it to the World, for the exalting of this glorious Name of of God; and for the refreshing of poor, hungry, empty, sinfull, burden'd, drooping, desparing [Page 2] soules; that judge none to be so base and hope­lesse as themselves; and for the building up of o­thers in their holy faith: he would not, might not, durst not keep it to himselfe alone, and so conceale it, hide it, or withhold it from others; as he would not for all the world, have the Lord withhold, or hide, or * close up his bowels of mercies from his own soule; as the Psalmist argueth *, Psal. 40. 9, 10, 11. Hebrew.

For the better satisfying of some that would hardly give credit to the wonderfull things here­in related: It was judged meet, there should be laid down;

• 1. First somewhat touching this Handmaid, her parentage and dwelling place.
• 2. Touching her Education. (pag. 5.)
• 3. Touching her Afflictions in Spirit, especially since shee wronged her Conscience, at her being about twelve yeares old; till April 6. 1647. (shee being in September following, 16. yeares old.) And of godly Ministers, and others, that knew her soule in adversity, and sought to com­fort her: and of such as have seen her, and spake with her, since the LORD hath comforted her. ( Pag. 6.8, 9.)
• 4. Touching the Lords delivering her, April 6. 1647. when no creature could help, shee being then struck deafe, blind, and lame; and terrified beyond measure: this extremity was the Lords op­portunity. (pag. 14, 15.)

[Page 3]Then, 1. of her so continuing deafe and blind, from April 6, till April 19. many dayes together; (except part of April 15. wherein shee had satis­faction to her troubled Spirit, that her Mother had pardon'd her murmurings against her: And part of April 17, to see and heare her Brother; as Pag. 25. & 29.)

2. Of her being acted, both then, and often af­ter, to admire, utter forth, and magnifie the exceed­ing Riches of Gods Grace to sinners, to her the chiefe of sinners. Her speeches of Grace, which follow, were all in her Bed, being in the time of her bodies great weaknesse; caused partly through her former deep sense of Gods wrath, consuming and pining away; And by seeking to beat out her eyes, and Braines; and since this happie change, her stomack being exceeding weak; not eating at all till June 11, and drinking so little, as is noted; her voice thus being very low, and oft whispering, (it could be heard by none, but that were very neer her;) uttered in an humble, melting manner; stop'd sometimes with tears of sighs; her eyes being alwayes covered, because of that weaknesse, and by spending her selfe in speaking to distressed soules, and to others.

3. Of her Conferences then and since; with ma­ny despairing soules: whose Names, and dwelling places are so born by the Relator, in tender respect to themselves, and their friends: least some not experienced in Temptations, might the more re­proach them, or the Name of God, for what these [Page 4] uttered in distresse, or through Temptation. But their Expressions, and the Answers to them are recorded as neer as could be, being then writ down, for help to themselves hereafter, and to o­thers in like condition, if the Lord will: Hoping this will not offend them.

2. Conferences with others about the Church-Ordinances, the Spirits powring forth; about the New Covenant, the Law, Works, Mans Endeavours, Punishment for sinne, Redemption, &c.

4. Of the Lords power in sustaining her, above 75 dayes, by a little water taken once in three or four or five dayes, and very little besides: [And then raising her by FAITH.]

All these are here set down, though the latter are set downe occasionally, and not all in this same order.

I. TOuching her Earthly Parentage. This M ^ris Sa­rah Wight, was daughter to M ^r Thomas Wight, sometimes of the Auditors Office, and of the Exchequers Office: (Son to old M ^r Wight of Dain­try.) Her earthly dwelling is now with her faith­ful Mother M ^ris Mary Wight, widdow, in Lawrence Pountney. Lane, by Caning-street in LONDON: Whose Father was M ^r Edward Purcel Esquire, of Ansloo neer Shrewsbury: and whose former Husband was M ^r Edward Vaughan Esquire, the Kings Recei­ver, and Surveyer for Northampton-shire, and for Rutland-shire: (by whom, shee had her Sonne M ^r [Page 5] Ionathan Vaughan, now of Alsoules in Oxford: Who not long since writ thence a Consolatory Letter to this his sorrowfull Sister SARAH, therein saying thus: [ Doest thou despaire, because thy Temper is a Lyon for his strength? Behold the Lyon of the Tribe of Iudah, Christ the mighty God: who can and will deliver thee out of his paw.—A fountain laid open for sin, and for uncleannesse. I veri­ly beleeve, that although for the present you lie among the pots, of no use: yet thy God will make thee a Vessell of Honour, an instrument fit for thy Masters use; where­by he will square sinners, to his own glory, &c.] Thin in his Letter is now fulfilled, and fulfilling.) Shee that was born of flesh and bloud, borne in sinne; and that was by Nature a childe of wrath: is now borne from above, borne of God, having given to her Faith and Love: and hath Jesus Christ to her Mat. 12. 50. Rom. 8. 17. Brother; and God to her 1 Joh. 3. 2. Father, and her Psal. 90. 1. dwelling place; He 1 Jo. 4.12.16. dwel­ling in her, and shee in him. Let him and her that glorieth, not glory in the flesh, but in the Lord 1 Co. 1.29.31 Jer. 9. 23. alone.

II. Touching her Education: In the time of her Mothers deep afflictions of Spirit, and sore Temp­tations, shee was well trained up in the Scriptures, by her godly faithfull Grand-mother, M ^ris Wight of Daintree. And when the Lords time of Love was, that he vouchsafed to manifest his Grace in Christ to her Mothers soule, then the Lord [Page 6] brought her home to her, shee being then about nine yeares old. Shee gave her selfe much to read and study the Scriptures: Which though shee then understood not aright; yet the Lord by his Holy Spirit brought to her remembrance, and opened to her since her restoring, what formerly shee had read for great comfort and soul-refreshing to her selfe, and to many others; as hereafter followeth. (Which is a great encouragement to all that feare God, to train up ther children in the ho­ly Scriptures; as, 2 Tim. 3. 15. Chap. 1.5. Prov. 22. 6. Deut. 6. 6, 7. Gen. 18. 19.)

III. Touching her afflictions. From her child­hood she was of a tender heart, and oft afflicted in Spirit: Her Temptations were not so great, till shee was about twelve yeares old; since which, they have continued with more violence till April 6. 1647. it being about foure yeares. [Shee is not six­teen yeares old (as her Mother saith,) till Septem­ber following.]

The beginning of her more violent Temptati­ons was thus: Her superiour bid her doe a small thing, judging it meet and lawfull: Shee did it, doubtingly, fearing it was unlawfull: and as shee did it, a great Trembling in her hands and body fell up­on her: being condemned in her selfe. About a moneth after, returning home, having been a­broad, she had lost her hood, and knew shee had lost it. Her Mother asked her, for her hood. Shee suddenly answered, My Grand-mother hath it. [Page 7] Her heart condemned her instantly, and trembled againe exceedingly. And these were the first chiefe occasions of her deep despaire: And upon this, shee had cast into her Conscience, that shee was both a thiefe, and a lyar, and was terrified ever since, that shee was shut out of Heaven, and must be damn'd, damn'd, damn'd.

In the last four yeares, shee was oft in such ex­tremities, shee could beleeve nothing but Hell and Wrath—to be her Portion; and other times, that there was no heaven; nor no hell, but in our Con­science: and that shee was damn'd already, being an unbeleever: and therefore if shee could but dispatch this life of hers, there was an end of her sorrows. A subtle deceit of the old Serpent! Hence shee oft attempted wickedly to destroy her selfe; as by drowning, strangling, stabbing; seeking to beat out her eyes and braines; wretchedly bruising, and wounding her selfe: (The chiefe cause of such weaknesse since:) Many particulars whereof fol­low, in her own Relations.

But the Lord who is her life, and loved her then in her bloud, he wonderfully prevented her destruction, many wayes. Sometimes by one or other at that instant; sometimes staying her in the acting, when no creature was by: Sometimes by bringing to her minde some choice Scripture: as this, No weapon form'd against thee, shall prosper, ( Isa. 54.17.) or this, None shall take them out of my hand; or, out of my Fathers hand, ( Ioh. 10.28, 29.) This [Page 8] stop'd her sinfull act, but the comfort stayed not.

Many precious Ministers came to comfort her: In London these, M ^r Thomas Goodwin, M ^r Barker, M ^r Lockyar, M ^r Palmer (lately their Minister in Law­rence Pountney) M ^r Sprigge, M ^r Iohn Simpson, and others. And these came to her in or neer Shrewsbu­ry, M ^r Hildersham of Felton, M ^r Paget (Father of D ^r Paget now of London) M ^r Wright of Wellington, M ^r Smith, M ^r Fisher, M ^r Blake, M ^r Morgan Floyd, M ^r Moston: All these and many moe godly Ministers and precious Christians, being acquainted with her sad condition, endeavoured to comfort her: and shee gladly would have received comfort; but it was then hid from her.

Some glimpse shee had, especially by meanes of her kinsman, M ^r Iohn Browne, of Shrewbury (a faithfull and loving man,) and by one whom he brought with him, viz. M ^r Daniel Floyd: but it was soon ecclipsed againe; and shee remained in grie­vous horror day and night; concluding shee was a Cast-away, a Reprobate, walking daily in the midst of fire and brimstone, as one in Hell alrea­dy. Till the Lord (who had loved her with an everlasting love, and in loving kindnesse prevented her ruine,) at last restored comforts to her, and to those that had prayed and mourned for her. (Isa. 57. 18.)

And since that her much prayed-and hoped-for- deliverance, amongst many that have visited her, were these Ministers; M ^r Palmer, M ^r Sprigge, and M ^r Simpson beforesaid, M ^r Peters, M ^r Charnock of [Page 9] London, M ^r Atherley of the Charterhouse (with his wife,) M ^r Hide of Wighton in Yorkshire, and the Re­lator. Also the Lady Willoughby of Parham; the La­dy Renula, and the Lady Clotworthy her sister; the Lady Vermuiden, with her daughters, M ^ris Sarah, and M ^ris Katharine; Sir Ric: Philips, and his Lady, daugh: to D ^r Oxenbridge; Sir Rich: Saltonstall, with his Lady: & Capt. Price, with his wife; D ^r Coxe, D ^r Debote, D ^r Worsley, D ^r Paget, Physicians. Also M ^ris Fines, wife to my Lord Says eldest Sonne; and M ^ris Harrison, wife to the Chamberlain of London; Col. Langhams wife, daughter to the Lady Roberts; M ^ris Sarah Iones, wife to M ^r Tho. Iones Esquire of Tower-hill; M ^ris Berney of Norsolk: M ^r and M ^ris Liggon, M ^ris Wilson at Nags-head-Taverne; M ^ris Thorp, at Grave Maurice; M ^r P. Burbon, and his wife; M ^ris Owen, and M ^ris Hannah Allen, Booksellers; M ^ris Manning of Tower-street, M ^ris Elizabeth Waldo, sister to M ^r Iohn Pocock; M ^r Ellis and M ^ris Ellis, M ^ris Hawkins, M ^ris Flood, and M ^ris Thare, and her cousins, M ^r Brigs Tay­lor and his wife, all neer London-stone: and of their neerer neighbours, M ^r Lewes Merchant, M ^ris Palmer, M ^ris Thurrel, M ^ris Grace Philips, M ^ris Dupper, M ^ris Aires, &c. Besides her Brother M ^r Ionathan Vaughan, of Alsoules in Oxford; & her uncle M ^r Iames Wight of Southwark, and his wife; and other two Ants, M ^ris Anne & M ^ris Mary Wight. Many moe might be na­med, who have seen her of late, & have bin much af­fected in hearing of the Lords wonderful workings, in, and towards her: But these are sufficient to wit­nesse [Page 10] what they have seen, or heard, and beleeve: many of them being persons of note, and of much esteem in London amongst them that fear the Lord. The Naming of them, the Relator desires may not be offensive to any of them, seeing 'tis done for the more assuring this great and memorable worke of Gods mercy, to some, that (like Thomas) will not beleeve it, unlesse (at least) they may speak with some, that have been present with her.

About a moneth before her great deliverance, Sa­tan having but a short time so to torment her, her stormes and tempests were greatest of all. She was grievously hurried with Temptations; so terrified, shee could not rest at all, for many dayes and nights together. Whilst shee was able to goe a­broad, her Mother would have her goe with her to heare Sermons, on the Lords dayes, and on the Lecture-dayes there. One Lecture-day she was gone forth before her Mother; who missing her, went to the Assembly; and not finding her there, came forth; and sudddenly went, and sent towards Thames to seek her: where shee had been, to have cast her selfe in, but was stayd from it by the power and goodnesse of God: and being found, shee had a command on her spirit to goe to heare that Sermon, and her Mother coming to her, shee readily yeelded to goe with her Mother to the Lecture there. Wherein was proved, what great fa­vour God will shew towards the stock of the Iews; that he will grass multitudes of them into their own [Page 11] Olive, pardoning their sinnes against Christ, re­storing them to great dignity, &c. He that preach­ed, went in to M ^ris Wights house there, after the Sermon; and spake with her daughter, asking her, if the Lord spake any peace to her thereby. Shee answered, shee would not for all the world, but shee had heard that Sermon. Being asked, why so? Shee said, That God will shew mercy to the Iewes; and they are the basest people on earth; that so hate the very name of Christians, and much more Christ himselfe: and yet that God will call them; This supported her a little at that present; but it stayed not with her, and shee was againe under horrid Temptations, to beleeve there was no God, no Devill, no Heaven, and no Hell, but what shee felt within her.

One day being strongly carried on in that temp­tation, that there was no other Hell, but here in the conscience; As that famous M ^ris Hanywood had said and done with a Venice Glasse, (who said shee was as sure to be damn'd, as that was to break; and there­with threw it from her to break it; & yet it brake not;) so did shee with her little white drinking cup, an earthen cup; shee said, As sure as this cup shall breake, there is no other Hell: and therewith she threw the cup with violence, against the far side of the chamber; and though it light against the wood, it brake not. Her mother took it up, & said, Loe here childe, it is not breke. Shee got it again, and suddenly said so, & did with it so again, & againe; and once against the edge of the door. Thus shee [Page 12] struggled, and did foure or five times, and yet it brake not; but at the fift time, a little nip brake out. And now since the Lord hath created peace to her, shee hath desired to drinke still out of that her little cup: till their Water-bearer unawares cast it downe, and then it brake all to pieces.

In her despairing fits, shee severall times would turne to the places in Iob, & in Ieremy, where they cursed the day of their birth; and shee said to this ef­fect; Iob cursed the day wherein he was borne, and said, Wherefore hast thou brought me forth of the womb? Oh, that I had given up the ghost, and no eye had seen me. Shee turning to the places, Iob 3.3. Iob 10. 18. And ( Ier. 20. 14. to the end) Ieremy cursed the man that brought tidings of his birth, with bitter curses, because his mothers womb was not his grave, and said, Wherefore came I out of the womb, to see toile and sor­row, that my dayes should be consumed with shame? But she said, Have not I much more cause to say so, then they had? for they were in a blessed condition: but I am curs'd, and must be a fire-brand of Hell for ever.

These and many other desperate expressions, shee frequently used; especially in the last moneth of her sorrows. When they encreased daily, so that her soule was exceedingly troubled, and shee was, as it were all shattered to pieces. And shee was so weary of her life, and of her selfe, and of everything, shee was never at such a passe, in such extremitie, in all her life before.

Her tender and good Mother, attending on her [Page 13] continually day and night, to prevent her mis­chieving her selfe; being still upheld with great hopes, that the Lord in his good time, would come in to her with his consolations; yea, shee was verily perswaded so, (as was also her Brother in Oxford;) And this made her sore taske the more easie; which els had been intolerable. Yet when this extremitie had continued long, so that for many dayes and nights together, her mother had taken no rest. At last shee was even wearied out with continuall watchings; and to the end her self might enjoy some rest, to prevent harme to her selfe, shee had spoke to a friend, desiring that her daughter might be for a little season with her; which her friend was very willing unto; and her daughter was desirous to goe with her, that her Mother might enjoy rest. But the Lord prevented both in his goodnesse. For when her friend was come, her daughter was taken with such an ex­ceeding trembling, and such extremity of sorrow and trouble and weaknes, that shee was not able to goe with her. A forerunner of her deliverance.

Then her Mother procured a maid that feared God, to help to look to her, who came that same day of her so trembling, being Tuesday April 6. When the maid beforesaid came to her, she found her weeping most bitterly, & wringing her hands grievously, saying, I am a Reprobate, a Castaway, I never had a good thought in all my life. I have been un­der sinne ever since I can remember, when I was but a childe, &c.

[Page 14]This heavinesse was greatest, this night was darkest of all, when the day, the joyfull time of her deliverance was neer at hand. And like as at the beginning of her grievous despairing, about foure yeares before, upon those two sinnes before­said, a great trembling fell upon her at the begin­ning of her deep despaire and trouble: so now, at the ending thereof, the like trembling fell upon her; such as shee never had, at any other time. And now, thus trembling exceedingly, and weep­ing and wringing her hands; shee said to this ef­fect: My earthly Tabernacle is broken all to pieces; and what will the Lord doe with me? If I should hang on Gibbets, if I should be cut in pieces, if I should dye the cruellest death that ever any did, I have deserv'd it; I would still justifie God: aye if he cast me to hell. (Thus it was with patient Iob; He humbled him­selfe, and justified the Lord, when his restoring was at hand.) Her hands and her feet were clunched, so as shee could not stand. Shee was tempted and sore urged to blaspheme God and dye. And when shee was ready to speak, her tongue was smitten. Afterward shee being laid down, shee said to her Mother, Ile lye still, and hear what God will say to me: He will speak Peace, Peace. If God will speak a word of Peace at the last moment, I should be contented. Then shee desired them that none might trouble her, but that shee might lie in peace. And shee lay still, as in a sleep, (or as in a trance rather,) from that tuesday night, April 6. till the last day of that week [Page 15] (cald Saturday) at night; except when shee cald for a little water to drink, and drunk two or three cups of water. No other sustenance shee took all that time. And this was the time of love; when The Exceeding Riches of Grace was advanced.

April 10. 1647. that Saturday at night, about midnight, or after midnight, shee began to ex­presse the first expressions of comforts, of such soule-satisfying comforts, that ever shee so mani­fested: [though her soule enjoyd them from that Tuesday night before; as since her Trances ceas'd, shee hath declared.] Even now, when all mans help faild, and when all meanes before used could not doe it; and when now shee was made uncapa­ble that way to receive it, being now struck both blind, and deafe: her eyes being fast closed up, wrapt up together: [A. Saul (who is called Paul) when the Lord converted him, was three dayes without sight, and neither did eat, nor drinke, Act. 9. 9.] And thus shee began: My soule thirsts for the water of life, and I shall have it: My soule thirsts for the water of life, and I shall have it, (foure times in ardency of spirit uttering those words, then ad­ding) a little water good people, a little water. So shee drank two or three of her little cups of water. Then shee sate up, and with a most sweet and heavenly countenance, and with much broken­nesse of heart, in an humble melting manner, Teares sometimes trickling downe, shee spake with a low voice, as followeth.

[Page 16] Ah, that Iesus Christ, should come from the bosome of his Father, and take the nature of man upon him! and come in such a low estate; and lie in a Manger ^a! There's three sorts of people in the world; a higher sort, and a middle sort, and a lower sort: Christ came to the lowest soule; he lay in a Manger; a contemptible place. Doe you not see an excellency in him ^b? Do you not see an excellency in him? I tell you, there's more excellency in him, in his lowest state, his meanest state, then in the world; aye, then in a thousand worlds. Who came he to dye for? for sinners; aye for the greatest sinners, the chiefest sinners, the chiefest sinners ^c? A dying Christ for a denying Peter; a dying Christ, for a denying Pe­ter; a dying Christ, for a denying Peter. Peter deni­ed him, and yet he dyed for him ^d. Goe tell Peter! Goe tell Peter ^e! Ah Peter! And then shee paused a while, as admiring it: and proceeded thus: For a Peter! for a Mary Magdalen! for a Theefe on the Crosse! that none should despaire: a crucified Christ, for a crucified Theefe! a crucified Christ, for a crucified Theefe! A persecuting Saul, becomes a beloved Paul! for the chiefest sinners! the chiefest sinners! Not the proud Pharisie, but the poore Publican ^f. No sin separates from Christ, but the sin of Vnbeliefe. And this is the Faith, beleeving a full Christ, to a nothing Creature: a full Christ, to a nothing Creatures: a full Christ, to a nothing Creature ^g : To me, the chiefest of sinners: yet I obtained mercy Shee meant, being then in unbeliefe. through unbeliefe: Christ came not to finde faith, but to give faith: Christ came in to me, when I was in my unbeliefe. [Page 17] (Then shee said pausing.) There's a fountaine open, for Judah, and for Jerusalem; for sin, and for un­cleannesse. A fountain open, for Judah, and for Jerusa­lem, for sin, and for uncleannesse ^h. A fountaine, not streames, but a fountain: open, an open fountaine: if a doore stand shelving, you cannot come in, but you must thrust to come in: but if it stand wide open, then there's freedome for you to goe, freedome for you to goe. Its open The house of David, is of Iudah, Mat. 1.1,2.6. for Judah; Judah that play'd the Har­lot, yet God saith to Judah, Returne, though thou hast play'd the Harlot with many lovers, returne, for I am married to thee ⁱ. For Judah, and for Jerusalem: and what was Jerusalem? her skirts were fu'l of bloud, her streets were full of bloud ^k. Yet the fountain is open for Judah, and for Jerusalem. For sin, and for uncleannesse: for all sin, for the greatest sinne, the chiefest sinne and sin­ners. Who is this fountaine? Iesus Christ, he is this fountain ^* : a filling fountaine, and never dry; ^l a filling fountaine, and never dry; a filling fountaine, and never dry. Who is a God like to thee? pardoning sin ^m, all sin, sin past, present, and to come ⁿ: not onely pardoning sin, but passing by the transgression of his heritage. Passing by daily sins, and frailites: he retains not his anger for ever; He is slow to wrath; bist he delights in mercy: He is slow to nothing but to wrath; but he is swift to mercy. His wrath is but a little, in a little wrath: and what's that? but with everlasting kindnesse will he shew mercy ^o. His mercy, and his kindnesse is for ever, for ever. Christ was first [Page 18] crucified, before he was glorified ^p. Before yot receive a Christ glorified, you must receive a Christ crucified. [Thus the Lord opened her mouth to speak, much of it in the words of the holy Scrip­tures, April 10 or 11. and so also April 13, and 15, and 17. April 19, 20. 25. &c. as hereafter follow­eth; though shee remain'd deafe and blind til A­pril 19, from April 6: except part of April 15. and 17. ( the Wonder followeth ☞) nor could shee see to read by reason of the weaknesse of her eyes, til about the midst of May, nor wel then, til Iune 11. ☞ But as our Lord Jesus promised to his Disci­ples, that his Spirit should teach them all things, and should bring to their remembrance what he had said unto them, (Joh. 14. 26.) So now he thus far graciously perform'd it to her. Shee neither cited Chapter, nor Verse now; nor usually afterward. Her own words being writ down by the Relator first, he then added (in a Parenthesis) such places of Scripture as were suitable to them, for better satisfaction to many: the letter ^a, ^b, ^c, &c. with the proofs, are suitable to her own words preceding, where the like letter is.]

Those her gracious expressions beforesaid, (and [Page 19] moe to the like effect) shee uttered after midnight, April 10 or 11. and then ceased, and lay downe: and continued silent from April 10. till the 13 ^th, being Tuesday at night following, neither speaking, nor eating, nor drinking any thing in the meane while.

When her Mother had moved her to take some­what, laying her hand upon hers, (for shee heard not what was said to her;) shee spake as one trou­bled at it, and said, Why doe you hinder my Commu­nion with God. And remained troubled, sighing a­bout it, for some time after: which caused a for­bearing to urge her therein.

Tuesday-night April 13. first having started sud­denly, shee said: The Devill fights with me, as he did with Michael, and his Angels ^*. Doe you not see him? Doe you not see him? [and shee struck with the back of her hand from her; and thus proceeded;] But the Angel shall prevaile, the Lyon of the Tribe of Ju­dah, hath overcome him. The Accuser of the Brethren is cast out: The Accuser of the Brethren is cast out: The Accuser of the Brethren is cast out ^*. Iesus Christ came to destroy the works of the Devill ^a. He took our nature upon him, that he might be partaker of our sufferings ^b. [Then shee added] Come Lord Iesus; Come Lord Iesus ^c: But why say I, Come? He is come, he is come, he is come: He hath dispossessed the strong man ^d, and hath taken possession of my soule, and will ^e dwell with me, for ever, for ever, for ever. [Page 20] How neer are the Saints to Christ? They are his Iewels ^f : Nay, they are his signet on his right hand: Nay, they are his seale on his heart ^g: they lye in his bosome. When you take a thing out of a mans bosome, you cannot take it, but you must touch the man: (clapping her hand on her breast.) That that I admire most is, that Christ took our nature, he took our nature. Men and Angels admire it: aye and Devils too, if they can. When the Lord doth any great thing, he puts his I to it: I, even I am he ^h. I'le make a New Covenant ⁱ: I'le write my Law in their heart: I'le pardon your sinnes: I'le doe them away as a thick cloud ^k. I change not, therefore are you not consumed ^†. Ah, what a foolish creature am I? I could not endure to heare one speak of the Devill, and I was as bad as he ^l, in distrusting of God, that dyed for me. Oh, that the world knew Iesus Christ ^m! Sure they would not distrust him, they would not despight him, they would not persecute him. Christ taught Simon how to beare the Crosse: he bare it first himself. I was found of them that sought me not, and to the Nation that looked not after me, I said; Behold me, Behold me ⁿ. Then speaking somewhat louder, shee said; As [...] (Holy, holy) is repeated 9 times in the Greek of Plantins Editi­on, which is coūsed the best) Love him, Love him, &c. These words shee repeated nine or ten times, in ardency of affection. ( Rev. 4.8.Prov. 8. 17. 21.) Then shee desired a little water [Page 21] to drink, [shee never having loved strong drinke, nor wine, nor strong water, since shee was borne: of late small beer, or water was her usuall drink: but now, since Saturday the 27 ^th of March 1647. (when shee took a little broth) till this day of the writing of part hereof, being May 19. These 53. dayes together, shee hath taken no outward su­stenance at all, but onely two or three or foure cups of fair water at a time, and once of [...] a lit­tle broth, (and casting it up again, unable to keep it,) and taking this also onely once in two days, or in three dayes or more, between the times of her taking thereof, never taking it two dayes to­gether: And yet shee looks better now, then shee did seven or eight weeks agoe.] Desiring water, shee said, Give me a little water good people; Christ hath given you water freely. Then shee drank her lit­tle white cup full once, and againe: and said, I pray you give me some more: Iesus Christ when he turned water into wine, be turned not cups full, or glasses full; but sirkins sull ^a. If you giue a cup of cold water as to a Disciple, you shall not loose your reward ^b. Then shee drank two cups more: and proceeded thus in the same tender-hearted manner. As I live saith the Lord, I will not the death of a sinner. He hath sworn it; he hath sworn it, that he delights not in the death of a sinner ^c. He hath said, Ile never leave thee, no, Ile never forsake thee, no ^*d. [Thus shee added the Emphasis, No; that is more [Page 22] in the Greek, then in our Translation: though shee be no Grecian:] and then added: What am I? a poor, empty, disconsolate, sinfull, vaine, contemptible worme: a poor, wretched, empty, unthankfull, sinfull, vile, contemptible worme, to tread upon. Yet hath Ie­sus Christ loved me. That, that I admire most, is, that Iesus Christ should dye for such a one ^e.

Then being sensible of her bodily ilnesse, ha­ving kept her bed since April 6. Shee said: I am sore from the crown of the head, to the foot; but tis nothing, tis nothing. When Iesus Christ was in the world, he cured bodies, and not bodies onely, but soules too.

Then turning her selfe in the bed, shee said: Now I have my desire; I desired nothing but a cruci­fied Christ, and I have him. I desired nothing but a cru­cified Christ, and I have him; a crucified Christ, a na­ked Christ; I have him, and nothing els. I am sore all over; I can neither heare, nor see; I desired him so, and I have him so, and I have nothing els. And said, Wee should be as well content to beare he crosse of Christ, as the crown ^f. For he was made perfect by suffering ^g, and he had no sin: it was for us Therefore wee should be contented to beare the Crosse ^h

Hah, Had I known this, I would not have been in such a condition as I was, (meaning it seems, in murmuring, and not waiting patiently the Lords time:) But Gods time is the best time, to reveale him­selfe, and to open mine eyes to see, and mine ears to hear; and he gives power to wait.

[Page 23] Was I afraid to name the Devill? Nothing but free Grace, makes the difference between me and the De­vill. All's free, mercy free, and goodnesse free, and love free. The Lord proclaimed his own Name, he cald him­selfe, Gracious, Mercifull, Long-suffering ⁱ.

Ah, how sick am I at the heart! what a stitch I have. Soon after shee said; I thank you for giving me the water, Iesus Christ hath given you water. He hath gi­ven you, and he will give you more.

Shee said also; God hath two thrones: one is in the highest Heavens; the other is in the lowest hearts. He dwels as truly in the lowest hearts, as in the highest Heavens; in the poorest contemptible heart ^k. When Solomon built a Temple, he said; The Heavens of Heavens cannot contein thee: and how shall this house that I have built ^l? But God builds a house for himselfe to dwell in: and he dwels in it, for ever, for ever, for ever. Doe not you know, that God hath two Thrones? The highest Heavens, and the lowest hearts! Happy is that people that is in such a case, whose God is the Lord, whose joy is their strength ^m. And so saying, shee smiled, her eyes being still fast closed. So shee lay still, and was not heard to speake any more, from that Tuesday till Thursday following.

Thursday, April 15. 1647.

This day, about 7 of the clock in the morning, shee began thus: Daniel in the Lyons den; the three children in the siery farnace ⁿ; the Lord delivered them, [Page 24] and so he doth me. Then calling for water to drink, shee said again, (as formerly,) Christ hath given you water to drink freely: give me water freely: so shee drank three or foure times her little cup full of water. And shee still remaining deaf, and with her eyes fast closed up, shee said; Have not I a Mother some where? I pray you pray her to pardon me, the murmurings against her. For nothing els troubles me. God hath pardoned. Hath the Creator pardoned, and shall not the Crea­ture? Thus speaking, the teares ran fast down her checks for a great while: and shee said; When the prodigall came home, his earthly father pardon'd him ^o, and his heavenly Father pardon'd him. And will not my Mother pardon me? If shee should, its not that, will doe me good. If shee will not, it lyes heavy upon me. But God hath pardon'd mee.

[Another time, when many were present, shee said thus, with teares trickling down; If any did know, what it is to murmure against a God, and a­gainst a Parent, and felt for it what I have felt; they would never doe it. Nothing more burdens me, then my murmurings and disobedience against my Mother. This shee spake, weeping. [What a warning is this to all children, that have murmured or been dis­obedient against father or mother, to repent in time, and seek pardon, and mercy for helpe a­gainst it; least it be as heavy a burthen to them, when they are in trouble, as it hath been to this hand-maid, (and to divers others,) Yet she said, [Page 25] her disobedience was not wilfull, but shee was hurri­ed to it, in the violence of temptation.]

Then shee desired her mother might come to her, to testifie that she had pardon'd her: yet could shee then neither heare nor see: but said, I know a Iacob from an Esau. Her mother came to her, and took her daughters hand, and put it to her own neck, where her daughter felt a skare that was there, through the enemy: whereby her daughter knowing her, cast her head into her mothers bo­some, and wept greatly, and kissed her, and stroa­ked her face, and said, I know you mother; and I love you with another love then I loved you before.

Then shee asked for water, to wash her EYES, desiring she might now see her Mother also, and that shee might heare her mother speak, and tell her, that shee had pardon'd her disobedience. And water being brought, her eyes were wash'd: and they being still fast folded up, M ^ris Dupper her neighbour in Lawrence Pountney-lane, held open her eyes, and shee saw and knew her mother: and then immediately her EARES also were opened, that shee might heare her mother speake to her, and shee testified to her, that shee had pardon'd her, and lov'd her as her own soule. And then, her heart was at rest, shee was satisfied: Her bear­ing then continued about halfe an houre, viz. till shee ceased then to speake, and then it was againe taken from her; and her eyes were presently closed up again. In this time of her hearing, her mother [Page 26] told her, that her Brother was come, viz. M ^r Iona­than Vaughan; (her mothers son by her former husband;) [ Who being then a Student of Alsoules Colledge in Oxford, having remained there severall yeares; was now come to London, to see his Mother, and Sister, and other friends, and was to return thi­ther again shortly. From thence he had lately writ a Consolatory Letter to his Sister, expressing his confi­dence, that Iesus Christ, the Lyon of the Tribe of Iu­dah, both could, and would deliver her, &c. Of which, her Mother also was perswaded, and waited for: by which the Lord the more enabled her to bear this sad affliction, that bad so long continued.]

Shee was glad to hear of her Brother, that had mourned and pray'd for her, that he was now come at such a time: and shee desired to see and hear him; But at that time, he was abroad. And before he came, shee had ceased speaking, and then remained without speaking, or drinking, & with­out sight or hearing, these being again taken from her from that 15. til the 17 ^th of April. On the same 15. day, shee asked if her Brother, or the maid would goe to M ^r Simpson, to desire him to come to her. When he came, shee had done speaking; and seemed to be in a trance, and would not speak a­gain, till her time came.

On the same 15 ^th day, before shee ceased, shee further said: I thought I was the bad theef; but now I see, I am as the good theef. I was really crucified with Christ ^a; though I was not in the appearance of any [Page 27] bodily eye, but as I was in the loyns of Adam when he sinned ^b. I was the nailes in his hands and in his feet; and the speare in his side ^c. The maid desired her to eat something: shee answered, I cannot; I am full.

Again, shee said; How old am I? [Her Mother saith, she shall be sixteen yeer old in September next, 1647. Shee went on in her speech thus.] Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen: so long I have been a filthy sin­ner. Now I have been foure dayes in the grave, with Lazarus ^d: (shee having been four yeers in deep de­spaire:) and now I am risen ^e, to live with Iesus Christ, for ever, in glory. He led Captivitie Captive, and re­ceived gifts for men; even for the Rebellions ^f. He came to the poore Publican, that could but speak one word: not to the proud Pharisee, that us'd many words ^g. Ie­sus Christ said, The Cup that my heavenly Father gives me to drink, shall I not drink it ^h? He drank the dregs, the very dregs; and he had no sin; and shall the Saints think much to sip of the Cup, when he drank of it be­fore us? The yoke of Christ is easie, and his burden is light; but the yoke of sin is heavy, and wrath is heavy. ⁱ The yoke of Christ is easie, because Christ helps them to hear it himselfe, and that makes it easie, The Saints shew'd have no sufferings, if it were not for their good ^k; els they should have no sufferings at all.

Christ comes leaping over the mountaines, and skip­ping over the hils! There's nothing in the soule, but [Page 28] mountains of sin, and hils ^m of corruption: he doth not come running, nor walking, but leaping and skipping, to a poor ⁿ bewildred soule: not to a garden ready trim'd he trims it for himselfe, to abide in, for ever, for ever. If wee confesse our sinnes, hee's faithfull and just to forgive us ^o. One confession, and two things to that, Faithfull and just. Hee'l give water of life to them that thirst ^p. Not onely water, but water of life. He hides himselfe, that wee may seek the more earnestly af­ter him ^q, and that he may reveale himselfe more fully. I that was an enemy, am made an heire with Christ, to live in glory, for ever, for ever. Christ is my Bro­ther, my elder Brother ^r.

How sweet are the Teachings of the Spirit to my soule! Sweeter then the Teachings of men and Angels: They may speak much to the eare, and that's well: but they could not say to my soule, Thy sinnes are pardon'd, and Christ Iesus loves thee.

These and moe heavenly expressions shee utte­red in a humble gracious manner that same 15 ^th day. The relating of them thus brokenly, cannot so affect the heart, as to have heard her selfe so tender-heartedly speak them. For this half hour or more of her now speaking, the Lord restored her hearing, wherein shee both saw and heard her Mother, as two days following shee saw and heard her Brother also, whom shee longed to see and heare, and was satisfied. And having thus [Page 29] spoken what shee desired then to say, she ceased, and rested. And then both her sight, and her hearing were againe taken from her. Shee abid­ing as asleep, but it seems slept little, but in that resting time, much enjoying communion with Je­sus Christ, her souls rest. So was shee silent from that morning April 15. till the morning of the 17 ^th day. The night following April 16. shee was very sick labouring for breath, as if shee would have dyed.

April 17. being the last day in the week in the morning, shee asked for water. A little being given her to drinke, shee said; Give mee it freely: Christ hath given me Faith freely, and love freely, and joy in himselfe. And having drunk again, shee proceed­ed thus.

Wee love him, because he loved us first ^a: Wee rejoyce in him, because he rejoyced in us first: Wee desire him, because he desired us first. I could not beleeve that I should be saved: but now, if men and Devils stood there, before my eyes, and should tell me, I should not be saved; I would not beleeve them. I see him that's invisible; and look on him, whom I have pierced, and I mourne over him. Doe not you love him? if you see him, as I see him, you would admire him. A sight of him would satisfie Nations. A sparkle of him, is more glori­ous then the world ^b.

This day shee asked againe for M ^r Simpson, & for M ^r Iessey. Shee answered her selfe, thus; I cannot [Page 30] heare, and why doe I aske a Question. After this, shee remembring her Mother had told her that her Brother was come, shee spake of her Ioseph, [for so shee called him,] and now shee was desirous to see him. And said; ‘ Mine eyes have seen my heavenly Io­seph, and why shall I not see my earthly Ioseph? The Lord hath opened my spirituall eyes, and why should I not beleeve, that he will open my bodily eyes?’ And shee called for water to wash her eyes: and ha­ving washed her eyes, her brother being present by her, shee saw him, and took him by the hand, and puld him, and told him of the greatnesse of the love of Christ, saying, Why came he from the bosome of the Father; but to die for sinners? the chiefe of sinners: and that makes the Grace great.

Shee then told him, what condition shee had been in, thus (in a sweet humble manner;) I was at the very brink of Hell; and Iesus Christ puld me out. And how can I but love him? He came for the disobe­dient, and unholy, and unthankfull: and for murmur­ers, as I have been ^a. If any one see and feel what I have seen and felt, they would take heed of murmuring a­gainst God and a Parent. You never murmured so much against God, and against my Mother, as I have done; Ah, ah, ah, sighing and weeping as shee spake. But I speake the rather, (said shee) that none should de­spaire: because I have found mercy ^b.

I am not able to expresse how sweet that word is; Behold, O daughter of Ierusalem, thy King, Hab, [Page 31] (smiling at that word,) thy King cometh, meek, meek, cometh meek; riding on an Asse ^*; even on a Colt the foal of an Asse ^†: not on a horse ready trim'd: He comes to a wild Asses colt; to one unaccustomed to the yoke, as Ephraim was ^|. Yet Ephraim was a deare son, a plea­sant childe. They cast their cloths on the Asse: He cast his skirt over me: not a skanty skirt: a skirt that co­vered all my filthinesse. My beloved is mine, and I am my beloveds. As an Appletree is among the Trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons ^d. What a plea­sant thing is an Appletree, among the Trees of the wood? There's both Protection, and Provision: there's Protection from the beat, under his shadow: and his fruit was sweet to me; there's Provision. Christ is pro­tection, a shelter: a shelter from the storme ^e. Christ keeps his Church himselfe. Men put others in their Garrisons: but Christ keeps his Church, his own self ^f. I that was a far off, far off from peace, am made nigh, by the bloud of the Crosse ^g.

Her brother spake aloud to her, to take some­what to refresh her body. Shee then heard him, and answered, I cannot; I have what I did desire; I have a crucified Christ: I am so full of the Creator, that I now can take in none of the Creature. I am fild with heavenly Manna ^h: I am sore from the crown of the head, to the sole of the foot. But let the Lord doe what be will with me: let him take me to his eternall rest, I am content: or leave me in this vaile of misery, [Page 32] I am content ⁱ. Thou art a free agent: Thou workest when thou wilt, and where thou wilt.

Shee said moreover: Let the Lord doe with mee what he will: if he throws me into hell, Ile be conten­ted; because I have deserv'd it ^k. But his mercy will save mee in the day of wrath ^l.

There's no sin separates the soule from Christ, but the sin of Vnbeliefe ^m. And this is all the Faith I look af­ter, beleeving a full Christ, to a nothing Creature: a full Christ to a nothing Creature ⁿ. Nothing makes a difference between me, and the Devill, but free Grace, free Grace ^o. He hath not forgot to be gracious: he hath not forgot to be mercifull, though I often said, he had: He hath not forgotten to be gracious, though I said, he had ^p. Shee prayed for her beloved Ioseph, her bro­ther, to this effect. Blessed be Joseph of the Lord. The good will of him that dwelt in the bush, be on the head of Joseph, and on the top of the head of him, that was separated from his Brethren ^q.

Shee asked for the same persons that shee had named before; and said; They have sought the Lord for mee, desire them to praise and magnifie the Lord with me. When these came, shee had ceased speak­ing, and then shee lay still without speaking, or drinking, till the 19 ^th day: having not eaten any thing at all since the 27 ^th of March, nor drunke [Page 33] any thing at all, but two or three of her little cups of fair water, and that onely at once in two or three days, as is beforesaid.

April 19. Shee put her finger to her mouth, de­siring water. And one cup was given her; then shee began, thus: God is a refuge and a shield, from the stormes and tempests: He hath avenged me on my adversary, (meaning, the Devill,) that thought to be avenged on me: and I thought he would: but the Lord hath avenged me on him. Shall the unrighteous Iudge doe justly, [meaning, in avenging the widow on her adversary:] and shall not the righteous Iudge do just­ly? Yea a thousand times more ^r. Happy, happy, happy is the people that have the God of Jacob for their Excel­lency, and whose strength is in the Lord ^s. Behold, the Lord will come with a strong band: He shall feed the flock like a Shepherd: He shall carry his Lambs in his arme ^t. I have born thee from the belly, which have car­ried thee from the womb, even to thy old age: I am he: and even to hoary haires will I carry thee, ^u Ile wait on him, that hides himselfe from the house of Jacob ^w. He hides himselfe from the House of Jacob: yet they were his people. Thou art worth the waiting for, if one should wait from the day of their birth, to the very day of their death: even one glimpse of thee is worth all. He that walks in dark­nesse, and seeth no light, let him trust on the Name of the Lord, and stay himselfe upon his God: his God, though he be in darkness, stay on his God. [Isa. 50 10.]

[Page 34]Bodily sustenance being offered to her, shee not having eaten any thing at all during twenty-four dayes last past, nor drunk any thing at all but fair water, and but very little of that. Shee thus answered: Doe you think, I doe not eat? How doe you think I live? Being asked, what shee did eat? Shee said; No eye of man sees it, but the eye of God. None could tast the sweetnesse of the Manna, by looking on it, none but they that eat of it: or of the Honey out of the Rock. The redeemed of the Lord, are a Royall Priesthood, a chosen Generation. He hath made us Kings and Priests unto God, (1 Pet. 2. 9. Rev. 1.6.) More precious then Gold, Gold of Ophir. The Lord hath avenged me on mine enemy, that roared over mee night and day, to have devoured me; but he hath deli­vered mee. They that know thy Name, will trust in thee, because thou Lord never failest them that seek thee, (Psal. 9. 10.) Before shee called (meaning her selfe,) he answered: whilst shee was asking, he heard, and deli­vered me from all my feares. Shee asked againe, will not M ^r Iessey and M ^r Simpson come, to praise and magnifie the Lord with mee? they have prayed for me. Then were her eares opened, that since A­pril 6. had been deafe, except onely at that time that shee longed to heare that her Mother had pardon'd her, and that shee might see and hear her Brother. For then shee being asked, whether shee desired to live, shee heard, and said; I am con­tented with what the Lord will, though I would ra­ther dye. Being told, M ^r Iesse and M ^r Simpson desi­red [Page 35] shee might live. Doe they? said shee: I must doe what the Lord will. The Cup that my Father gives me to drinke, shall I not drink it? Whether to live, or to dye.

Her eyes still being weak, and closed, shee asked, whether it was night or no? it was answered her, it was night. Shee said; There will be a day when there will be no night, but the Lord and the Lamb shall be the light, and walk in the midst of it ^a. The Lord hath delivered me from my enemy: from the roaring of the Lyon, that roared over me ^b: the Lord hath triumphed over him. And speak­ing of this, to her mother, shee said: Doe you not say, tis well mother? And praise the Lord? He is able to save to the uttermost, all that come to the Father by him ^c. You may trust me now Mother, and not be afraid of me, (meaning, of hurting her self with knife, or water, as formerly shee oft had attemp­ted:) for if no body look to me, the Lord will keep me. And the good Samaritan that heal'd my soule ^d, will heale my body too. ☜

To Hannah Guy that looked to her, and watch­ed with her, shee said; The Lord will reward all your labour of love. So shee lay down and spake no more till the next day at night.

April 20. at night, there being divers neighbours and loving friends come together to see her, M ^ris Collet, M ^ris Caron, M ^ris Dupper, the Relator, and di­vers others, about twelve or moe, which greatly desired to heare her speak, being greatly refreshed with what they had heard of her expressions, (the [Page 36] Lord having been praised in her behalfe, both in that Parish, and in Ab-Church their neighbour-Pa­rish, and els-where, where prayers had been put up in her behalfe;) shee now lying still, and had not spoken two dayes together since April 6.

These desiring if the will of God were so, that they might heare her selfe speak: shee lying with a linnen cloth over her eyes, which were very weak; the maid told her, M ^r Iessey was there; (he being in the company, neer to her,) she then began to speak to him, and said; O magnifie the Lord with me, for he hath delivered me from all my feares: not from one, but from all my feares ^a This shee spake, as all that follows, with a low voice, in a humble, mo­dest, melting manner, her teares sometimes stop­ping her speech. He and the rest, listned, and were greatly affected in hearing her. It cannot affect so much in hearing it at second hand, as if you had heard her selfe, with such brokennes of heart utte­ring it. Shee proceeded on thus, (which presently was writ down:) He hath regarded the low estate, ^* the base ^b estate of his hand-maid. I rejoyce in him. I mourn over him, whom I have pierced ^c. It was not Ju­das or Souldiers so much, as I that pierced him. I thought I was the bad Theef: but he hath said to me as to the good Theef ^d. Thou shalt be with me in Paradise. The earthly Paradise, was a Type of the Heavenly Pa­radise. That was fading and lost; but this endures for ever.

O praise the Lord with me, for he hath heard mee, [Page 37] and looked on me, the vilest of sinners, the worst, the chiefest of sinners: On me, that was rebellious, disobe­dient, unthankfull, unholy; a murmurer, as much as ever the children of Israel in the wildernesse, (the teares oft trickling down, and she stopping, through her weeping,) and their murmuring kept them out of Ca­naan ^e, but though I have so mur­mured, he hath saved me. I was at the very pits brink, at the very brink of hell: and the Lord fetch'd me out. And is not he worthy of praise? The Lamb is worthy to open the Book. For none in Heaven nor earth, neither men nor Angels, could open these brazen gates, this iron door, this hard heart of mine, but he. [putting her hand to her own breast.] When I confest my sin, he forgave me the punishment. I could never confesse my sin, til now that he made known his mercy to me; though I sought it diligently to confesse it. Being asked when was this that see confest her sin? Shee said, Now since I saw his mercy. And now he hath made knowne to me his mercy. Nothing but the sense of his mercy, could ever bring me to confesse my sin ^f indeed, I would faine have got comfort by mine own workings, my own doings, or from a Creature, and I spake to men: but I never could get comfort by the creature, but the Lord himselfe did it. I could not love him, till he made known his love to me 1 Joh. 4.19.: to me, the chiefest of sinners. If all the sins in all the world, were in one party, I thought it was all nothing to mine. I could not finde any in all the Scriptures that obtain'd mercy, that was in my case. Yes he hath shew'd mercy to me, the chiefest of sinners 1 Tim. 1.15.. [Page 38] O, that he should come from the bosome of the Father, to dye for sinners! for me, the chiefest of sinners. If all the men in the world should have told me, that Christ dyed for me; that my sins were pardon'd, I could not have beleev'd them. But now, if all the men in the world, & Angels & Devils, should tell me they are not forgiven, I would not beleeve them.

What pains did I take in going to men, to have them speak comfort to me, & they could not doe it. But Christ did it in a moment. They that know his Name, will trust in him: they cannot but trust in him ⁱ. If the world knew him, they could not but love him. He is the chiefest of ten thousands ^k. He is more to be desired in his low­est estate, then millions of worlds, if millions of worlds were all in one.

Behold, O daughter of Jerusalem: Thy King comes meek, that he might teach his people meeknesse. He came on an Asses Colt: not on a horse finely trim'd; to an un­tam'd heiser, unaccustom'd to the yoke; ( to me, that was ungodly, unprepared) to Ephraim, that was as a wild Asses colt. Surely, after I was turned, I repented ^l. I could not turne to him, nor love him, till he shew'd his love to me, and turn'd me.

Praise the Lord with me, that hath shew'd mercy on one in so desperate a case as I was in. I could set nothing before me, but curse, and hell, and wrath, night and day. O that others may be are what God hath done for such a one, (Ps. 66.16.) I would none may DESPAIR of Gods mercy, that hath done thus for me. If any did know what it is to murmure against God, and against [Page 39] a Parent, as I have done, and felt what I have felt, they would never doe it. (A like warning is pag. 24.)

The Relator having heard shee now had not ea­ten any thing at all for twenty-foure dayes or more, and drunk nothing in all this time since April 6. but onely faire water; neither that, but two or three little cups together, once in two or three dayes. He desired her, if shee could, to eat, to preserve life: for when the Lord saith, Thou shalt not kill: he implies the Affirmative, Thou shalt use all good meanes to preserve life. (Jam. 2.11.) And though he, and all those present, were so affected, even to admiration, in hearing a child so speak; yet he wished her to forbear speaking too much; be­cause it spent her, shee being so very weak. Shee said; In rest and returning shall I be saved, in quietnes and confidence shall be my strength ^m. I have Manna to eat of, he feeds me with hidden Manna ⁿ. It was plea­sant to the eye ^o : but they felt no sweetnesse, by looking on it, but by tasting of it. When shee ended speech, shee desired he would praise the Lord with her; which he performed accordingly, those beforesaid being present.

☞[ Another time, when one gave her a Poesie, shee looking on it, and smelling its sweetnes, commen­ded the workmanship of God in the severall flow­ers: saying to this effect; The flowers are all fragrant, and some more fragrant then others, they have different colours, and different smels: and all come out of the [Page 40] earth. So are the Saints, they all are in Christ, and in him they all are sweet and savoury: but are of different strength, and judgement. The strong should beare with the weak, and not despise them.]

April 25. being the Lords day, when many Chri­stians were come to see her, amongst others, M ^r & M ^ris Liggon, the Relator, M ^ris Iones, M ^ris Aires, M ^ris Gr. Philips, and others.

In like humble manner, her tender eyes being covered, and lying still, (as shee had kept her bed, being very weak, since April 6.) with a low voice, as speaking to her selfe, shee said: How sweet is it to my thoughts, that an infinite God, should be a Rock and a Refuge to a finite Creature! a sure Rock and hiding place from all stormes & tempests whatsoever, Ps. 46. 1.

When the man was wounded by theeves, and lay by the way; the Priest and the Levite passed by: they pas­sed by and helped not: The creature comfort failes: and then the good Samaritan helps ^a. Christ saves, whom none els will or can: and when there's nothing in the Creature to move him. The wounded man did not first desire the Samaritans help. The deeper the wound is, the more honour to him that cures him. He set him on his own Beast, leaves him not to himselfe, to goe where he will: but brought him in, and gave two pence for him. I beleeve that holds out Faith and Love ^b. None cared for him, refuge fail'd, then Christ helps, and take care for him ^c.

One speaking to her of her former condition, how far shee was then from hope ever to obtaine [Page 41] mercy, shee said; If all the world should be saved, then it may be, I should be one; but els no hopes for me. That Peter, Mary Magdalen, David, Manasses were sa­ved; it was nothing to me: no, if Judas should be sa­ved, yet should not I. All their sin, and Pauls in Per­secuting, and the Theefe on the Crosse, and Judas, and all I could read of, or heare of, if all their sins were all put together in one; yet all were not so bad as I. Yet I obtained mercy, that thought my time of mercy was past, & that I was damn'd already through unbeliefe. I said many a time, There's no hope in thy end: and I thought I saw it. I may say, It was good for me to be afflicted, I prize his mercies the more. (Psal. 119. 69.) All terrors could not humble me; but the sight of his mercy did. I could never be kindly humbled till then. It was not mine own fitting, or mine own humbling, but Christs fitting, and Christs humbling; when he looks upon such a one; that humbles. He comes with his power on the soule, and causeth the soule to beleeve. (Eph. 1. 19.)

My tongue was not able to tell the misery I was in before continually: and now my tongue is not able to tell what love and mercy hath been shewed to me, I can ne­ver enough expresse his Name. I would faine have been dissolved, to be with him ^d. It was a hard thing for me to be content to live here still: but its easie for him to teach, to be willing to live or dye: and he hath taught mee ^c.

I was so desperate, I cared not what became of me: oft was I at very brink of death and hell: even at the very gates, and they were open for me; and then Christ [Page 42] shut them, and fetch'd me out: as Daniel that was in the Lyons den, but it was his mercy that stop'd the mouth of the roaring Lyon, and delivered me. (Dan. 6.)

The hundreth and seventh Psalme; O that men would therefore praise the Lord for his goodnes, and declare the wonders that he doth for the chil­dren of men. I would that Psalm were often read o­ver. The goodnesse of God is unsearchable. How great is the excellency of his Majesty; that yet he would look upon such a one as I! I was full of Terror the week be­fore I kept my bed: I rested not day nor night. I thought no death was bad enough for me. If all kinds of death were put together in one, it was too good for me. I wal­ked continually as in fire and brimstone, for rebelling and murmuring against God, and against a Parent.

When he hides his face, who is able to beare it? and when he gives quietnes, who then can trouble? [ Iob 34.29.] I can testifie the truth of both these. He hath spoke the word to me, Thy sins are forgiven thee; I even I am he that blotteth out thy transgressi­ons for mine own sake, Isa. 43. 25. Iesus Christ is unchangeable, therefore I was not consumed. Wee may say with admiration, What is man, that thou art so mindfull of him? or the son of man, that thou so regardest him? thou madest him lower then An­gels ^a. Iesus Christ took our nature, to take part of our sufferings; and that we should follow him in sufferings, & not think strange. Wee have not a High Priest, that cannot be touched with a feeling of our in­firmities ^b, [Page 43] but he was made like to us, that he might sympathize with us, Blesse the Lord, O my soule! Which forgiveth all thine iniquitie; and healeth all thine infirmity. In my mise­ry my flesh and my bones pined, and consumed away, and I was neer to death. [the Lords chearing the heart doth good like a medicine:] I now recover, strength. I read the Scriptures from a childe: but I understood not what I read till now, that I had the Teaching of the Spirit.

He is worth the waiting for him. There is a blessing pronounced to such, Blessed are all that wait for him. I did not wait patiently for him. I was weary, and could wait no longer. But he is not weary: He faileth not. He lets the Creature goe his way for a time, for his own good, to humble him more, and shew his mercy the more. He hath him in a chaine, and the enemy in a chaine. So he hath the soule, to dispose of it. (My times are in thy hands:) that he might magnifie mercy in­deed, and free love indeed. No soule ever was as I have been: I am sure of it. If all the sins of all sinners that I read of, or heard talk of, were in one, it were all short of me. And yet tis his goodnesse that such a one as I, should obtaine mercy. I wish all may take heed of ^* censuring the vilest creatures that are, seeing the Lord hath done thus for me the vildest Creature: but pit­ty them with teares of bloud.

One asked her, how long it was since her hear­ing was restored to her? She answered, A few days [Page 44] agoe, I asked if M ^r Simson and M ^r Jesse would come to praise the Lord with me? and I found it was resto­red at that instant.

Part of a former Conference between her, and another young Gentlewoman, M ^ris A. whilst both were in despaire. They met in Lawrence Pountney, to hear the Lecture, before it began, M ^ris Sarah saw one walk about and about in a sad habit, and went to her, and asked her how shee did, shee an­swered; In as sad a condition as ever was any.

M ^ris Sarah, None is in a Condition like to mine. So they sate together; and after that, they went to­gether, and spake further of their sad conditions: each counting their own state the worse.

Another day, M ^ris A. said, The Lord knows, that knows all things, that I would rather then all the world, that I were in your condition.

But if you knew, how desperate my condition is, you would be afraid to change place with me, for you know not my sad sorrows. None in the world can compare with mine. Except you would desire to be in hell, you would not desire to be in my condition.

I must be damn'd.

I am damn'd already, from all eternitie, to all eternitie: its not to doe, but tis done already.

I was a great professor, but I was but an hypocrite, and an hypocrites hope shall perish.

I have bin an hypocrite, a revolter, a backslider.

I know it shall be well with you.

As well as it was with Judas, who repent­ed, [Page 45] and hang'd himselfe: which I must do, before I shall be free from these torments.

At their parting, for a farewell, M ^ris A. said, I think I shall perish ere I see you againe.

Yet the Lord spared her, and shee came to her againe: and they were somewhat gladded to see each other againe, that could be sensible, each of the others condition.

To sadded soules, some joy it is, to have companions.

Shee had another Conference, April 24. 1647. since shee was comforted, with another Maid be­ing in deep despair, that had heard of her former despair, and her late comforts. The words were to this effect.

I am darkened in understanding, and I am tempted to beleeve there is no God, nor no Creation from God.

So was it with mee, I was so tempted: The very Creation shews there is a God ^a, and yet I could not beleeve it.

Some kept a fast for me yesterday, and I remain as I was still, and therefore I am the more terrified, that no prayers shalbe heard for me.

So was it with me; I was so terri­fied when there was no answer of prayers for me, when in my dayes were kept for me: But I was rather worse then better. For I knew no prayers should be heard for a damned Creature. I concluded, I was rejected. But the Lords time is the best time to give an answer ^b.

I have resisted the Spirit. The Lord hath spoken mercy to me, but I have resisted it.

The day of Sealing was not come: then you could not resist that work when he comes with power ^c: els you would make God weaker then you. God would bring you this way about, and hides himselfe, when you have grieved the Spirit, that you may seek him the more earnestly: and that he may give you the surer comforts; and to make himselfe a glorious Name: as in Isa. 63. 10, 11. They rebelled, and vexed his holy Spirit, therefore he fought against them, as an enemy. Then he remembred the dayes of old, when he led them by the right hand of Moses, dividing the water before them, to make himselfe an everlasting Name. That led them through the deep. So through the deepest troubles, till the Spirit of the Lord causeth them to rest, to make himselfe a glorious Name. Though you have rebeld, and vex'd his holy Spirit, what could you doe more? yet saith he, I have carried thee all the dayes of old. Ile be your guide even to death.

Its not possible that such a one as I, should find mercy: I look every moment, to be swallowed up.

But Gods thoughts are not your thoughts, nor Gods wayes, your wayes ^d. In the Wil­dernesse Israel murmured, yet the Rock followed them, not they the Rock, but went from the Rock, yet the Rock followed them; and that Rock is Christ ^e. So this Rock will follow you in this your Wildernesse.

Its not possible; I finde such a wicked heart, that if it were not for feare of wrath or pu­nishment, I should fall into all wickednesse.

Now you shew you beleeve there is a God. You are not worse then Peter that so denied and forswore him, against his Conscience ^f : or then Mary Magdalen, that had seven Devils, was full of the De­vill ^g. The Theefe on the Crosse, Persecuting Paul, that persecuted Christ, and my selfe, was so injurious and blasphemous—The chiefe of sinners, yet these found mercy. And what can you be more? You can be but a sinner, and the chiefe of sinners. He dyed for such. He is therefore cald Jesus, because he shall save his peo­ple from their sinnes. What people? those that were not a people, these he cals, and these he saves.

I am no better for going to the means: and am ready to neglect all.

I was so terrified, I was not able to goe to the meanes: and then I was terrified for not go­ing to them. I had no rest in either. If I went, salva­tion was turn'd into condemnation to me. If I went not, it was death; I was on the Rack.

None can be in a worse condition then I; full of feares.

Of late my case was so, that if one had been all day burning in fire, they could not have been in a worse condition.

I am in such extremities of late, I am even almost spent, and have nothing to relieve me by.

So it was with mee of late. When you are at the lowest, Christ is readiest to restore soule and body. If you see your selfe nothing; and see all ful­nesse in Christ, you are the neerest to comfort ^a. The Lord hath done as much for me, as ever for any: as much as for the man that had the Legion of Devils in him: he was cloathed, and in his right mind; he hath cloa­thed me, and put me in my right mind, and set me at his feet ^b. God doth away our sins, as a thick cloud, but it wants manifesting to your soule. His time is the best time, therefore wait for him.

I am an ungracious creature: I cannot wait any longer.

But the Lord waits on you. You think you are ungracious: and he waits to be gracious to such as you. There's as much of the power of the Lord seen in upholding a soule in such a condition, as in de­livering it.

I am utterly lost.

Not in his account: you must be lost in your selfe, that you may be found in him: He came to seek and to save that was lost ^a.

Thus shee endeavoured the comforting another, with the Consolations wherewith shee was comforted: yet the poor soule went sad away. And shee being much affected with the others sad condition, pit­tying her, after shee was gone away; shee desired some that came to see her, to pray for that maid.

After this, came another woman to her, being also in deep despair; having heard of her former de­spair, [Page 49] and present comforts: and complained to her of her sad condition. To whom shee gave such succouring Answers for upholding and refreshing her weary soule, as shee had done to the former: speak­ing to her, till shee was very much spent.

Another that came to see her, having heard her so manifest her fulnes of joy and content in God, in such high streines: Told her, shee must expect a change, and had need to lay up in store, against times to come. Shee answered, thus; Sarah W. If I should look to take out of my store, I should quickly be a Bankrupt, a Prodigal, and spend it quickly. But Christ hath in store for me. All my fresh ^b. Springs are in him.

May 2. being the Lords day: Many that had heard what the Lord had done for her soule, came to see her, and heard her in a humble sort, with a low voice, (being very weak in body) magnifie the Lord and his Grace to her soule. To one then, shee said as followeth, (which was presently writ.) O magnifie the Lord in my behalfe, that daily compasseth me about with songs of delive­rance. I could not endure, but that I see him that's in­visible. I could not see him, but that he saw me first, and gave me faith. He loved me, and washed me in his bloud, (Rev. 1.5.) He loved me before I was washed: and because he loved me, therefore he washed me.

He was tempted as we are. He had no need to be tempted, but to succour tempted ones, such poore crea­tures as I. He takes delight to succour such poor soules. [Page 50] Its our Fathers good pleasure, to give us a Kingdome. Its his good pleasure, he delights in giving us a King­dome. (Rom. 8. end) Its neither height nor depth, neither Principalities, nor powers, nor any other Crea­ture, that shall separate that soule, that's in union with him. He hath bound the soule to himselfe, with the cords of love, and there shall be no separation from it.

May 3. In the morning, one having spoken to her, shee thus answered: I am not onely fild with the Spirit, but, if one may say it, drunk with the Spi­rit: it overcomes me. [Alluding, it seems, to Eph. 5. 18. Be not drunk with wine,—but be fild with the Spirit; or to Act. 2. 15-17. These are not drunk—but the Spirit is powred out upon them.]

One said to her, Your enjoyments are more then of many Saints, if theirs were put together in one.

Shee answered; My sufferings have been more then of many. Christ is faithfull in all he hath spoken: he will not faile in one promise. He saith, as our sufferings abound, so our Consolations abound ^a. There's many Saints have lived threescore yeeres, that have not suf­fered so much as I have done in one moneth. The Lord was my Shield at my right hand, therefore no hurt could come unto me. Christ is in me, the hope of glory ^b,

The God of peace shall tread Satan under our feet shortly ^c. He shall doe it, he hath done it: I see it done. Though he was strong that possessed this house, a stronger then he hath dispossessed him, and [Page 51] possessed it himselfe ^d, None could doe it but himselfe: it was too hard for men or Angels. I am silent at the Goodnesse of God. If I had the tongue of men and Angels, I could not tell the terrors former­ly, nor my present enjoyments.

Many strangers (good and bad) came to see her, amongst others, there came one with Cro­chets: and when she was silent, vented some, to others present: at the hearing whereof, shee was troubled and sweat; and at last shee burst out, saying: Let them that have received Christ, as the Truth is in Iesus, speak of nothing, but the freenesse of the love of God; and of a full Christ, to a nothing Crea­ture: and not of whimsies.

May 4. When M ^ris Langham, Colonel Lang­hams wife, with some other, came to see her, and spake to her, desiring to heare of the dealings of God with her: shee answered, telling her of Gods abundant Goodnes to her, to this effect:

Iesus Christ found me, and loved me, before I could love him. He came to me, in the most disconsolate con­dition that ever soule was in. When I must either be delivered, or be destroyed, I could abide no longer; then Christ came. Christ is my life, and my life is hid with Christ in God ^r. And when Christ shall appeare, I shall appeare with him in Glory, How admirable is it, that he should dye, to give mee life! He is to be admir'd in his Saints. He came to give Faith to a faithlesse soule; and to soften hard and un­beleeving hearts. He brought such as were aliens and [Page 52] enemies ^s, to be neer in himselfe: and is not this to be admir'd?

He first finds the soule, and then the Spouse saith, Shee had found him whom her soule loveth. He destroys selfe; righteous selfe, and all selfe, that he alone might have the glory. He leaves nothing for the Creature to boast in. Its his Wisedome, that he alone might have the Glory. Turne thou me, and I shall be turned; Heale me, and I shall be healed; Convert me, and I shall be converted; So many soule hath found by experience.

One told her, Its said; ^a Turne yee, why will yee dye, O house of Israel?

Shee answered; Its Christ that comes with a power in the Word, and turnes them. And the Church knew her own unsufficiency to returne, and therefore shee saith; Turne me, and I shall be turned ^b. Behold, he comes leaping over the mountaines, and skipping over the hills. He makes rough places plaine; and raiseth up valleyes ^c. Its easie for him to pardon mountainous sins, multitudes of sins, as one sin. He came to me, and pardon'd me, though my sins were as the stars in Heaven for multitude. He hath delivered me, from the hard bondage, wherein I was made to serve. He ap­pear'd to me in the dark and thick Cloud, a thick Cloud indeed; One beam of the Sun of righteousnesse, dispeld it in a moment. What a sinfull creature was I? I ne­ver read of any that was in so desperate a condition as I: And he hath delivered me, from all my feares: not from one or two, but from all my feares. Therefore I desire high and low, rich and poore, to magnifie the [Page 53] Lord, and to praise his Name in my behalfe: that he hath looked on the low and base estate of his handmaid. His works praise him; his Saints blesse him, (Ps. 145. 10.) Especially the work of the New Creation in the soule. I could beleeve nothing before, but that there was no Hell but in this life: I had no rest; no rest in hearing, nor reading,—and then he made me rest on himselfe ^d.

And though I was weary and faint, He was nei­ther weary nor faint: His wrath is but for a moment: but of his goodnes and mercy, there is no end. He layes the foundation, and he builds up. Its I the Lord doe all. He bare me, and carried me, and did at last deli­ver me. This Rock followed me, though I was not aware of him. The Sun of righteousnesse arose, with healing, under his wings, and the day-star arose in my heart ^e. It was a dark heart till he arose, and then he made it light. Christ suffered for me: He needed not to suffer, and be tempted, but to succour such as mee that was tempted ^f. I never had rest, till I saw my selfe crucified with Christ ^g, and that my sins pierced him: and there came out of his side, a fountaine of bloud, for the guilt of sin: and not onely so, but a fountaine of water, to wash away the filth of sin: to wash away all my filth. There's enough in him, not onely to justifie, but also to sanctifie ^h.

The life that I now live, is by the faith of the Son of God, who hath loved me, and given himselfe for me: though before, I was an unbeleever, and unholy, and [Page 54] unthankfull, and a murmurer, and every way sinfull: yet now hath he lov'd me, and washed me. And it not be to be prized and admir'd of all his Saints? And his Name to be had in everlasting remembrance? He proclaim'd his Name to be Mercifull, and Gracious, abundant in Goodnes, and in Truth; and that to sin­ners, to the chiefe of sinners.

May 4. 1647. The same day at evening, when some came to see her, M ^r Iessey, and M ^ris Palmer, wife of the late Minister there in Lawrence Pount­ney, who with M ^r Palmer, had known her soule in affliction. One telling her, M ^ris Palmer was glad to heare of Gods goodnesse to her.

I desire that M ^r Palmer, and you, and all Gods people, may praise and magnifie the Lord for his goodnes, in looking down on the ^i* base estate of his handmaid.

After what manner did your comforts come in to you?

My earthly tongue cannot expresse, what I felt, its beyond expression. I was in such extremitie, that either deliverance must come, or I must perish, I was able so bold no longer. Then I fell into a Trance. [This was April 6. at night] I lay in visions. And in that time, the Spirit of God was powr'd in upon mee. And then Iesus Christ was presented to me, as crucified for my sins; I saw it; and my selfe crucified with him: and when I saw a glimpse of his love, then I mourned bitterly for my sins; and never truely sorrowed for sin, till then. I never mourn'd for sin, as sin, before. But then [Page 55] I mourn'd bitterly ^k. And now praise the Lord with me and let us magnifie his Name together.

Are you nod desirous to enjoy your inheritance?

Yes. But Christ hath taught mee by what I enjoy, to submit to his will. My terrors so long, were nothing to one moment of mercies. All the miseries I endured, though they were very great, were nothing to one glimpse of his mercy.

How are your thoughts acted? what are they acted upon?

A living active Christ, in a dead pas­sive creature, makes it act to God ^l.

For a farewell, shee said; Rejoyce in the Lord with me.

Mention was made before, that from the 27 ^th of March, to the 21. of April, in those 24. dayes, shee had not eaten at all; and her drink had been onely two, or three, or four little cups of fair wa­ter, once in two, or three, or in four dayes toge­ther. Some having spoken of this, others have counted it a forgery, or pretence: By such injecti­ons, the Enemy would obscure and darken the Works of the Great God of Heaven. But many Godly Ministers and Gracious Saints, that know M ^ris Wight, and the Maid, and this Daughter of Abraham; have ground to judge, they truely feare the Lord: and that they dare not lye, but abhorre lying. Now the Relator by conference with them, hath it from their own mouths, that [Page 56] from the time of her ceasing to be in Trances, and to be deaf and blind, (which was April 19.) to the day of the writing of this part of the Relation, being May 5. shee hath not taken so much suste­nance, as shee did take in that time from March 27. to April 19. [And from May 5. till Iune 11. [being the longest day in the yeare] lesse then that from April 19. The power of God appearing therein wonderfully to the beholders, in up­holding her full 75 dayes without one crum of bread or meat, and with so little drink;] Shee not being able to eat, or to drink more then shee did, but against her stomack. When shee by urg­ing, yeelded to take somewhat, shee could not keepe it, but presently cast it up. Shee never lov'd to drink, strong waters, nor strong drink, from her infancy.

And when the Relator was told, they could not get her to take of a Cordiall that was sent to her from a Lady that had been with her, (as they judged, by the direction of D ^r Debote, or of D ^r Worsley, whom the Lady had lately sent to her:) he perswaded her to take of it, and put it to her mouth: But shee said, Shee could not: and said that the smell of it made her sick. Which caused him to forbear further urging of her.

When lately one desired her, if shee could to take some sustenance: Shee answered:

I would, if I could, but I cannot, it makes me sick to think of it. Iesus Christ feeds me.

[Page 57] May 2. One asked her, if shee would drinke. M ^ris Sarah answered: I cannot: I have Iesus Christ, I have enough: he feeds mee with delights—He not onely hath drops; but he flows in of himselfe.

Shee was further urged to take somewhat: M ^ris Sarah answered: Shee desired not to be urged: God hath given me food for my soule, when my soule was well nigh starving for want of food: but God hath given me Christ to feed upon: and his flesh is meat indeed; and his bloud drink indeed ⁿ. God hath wrought a mi­racle, in delivering my soule. And if that he hath ap­pointed life, he will give me strength to take in the one, as well as the other. Now I am worse when I take it.

May 3. When shee was wish'd to drinke: M ^ris Sarah answered; I have wines well refined, no dregs are in it. Its pure; that's the purity of Christ. He gives me not cups full; but he hath me into his wine-cellar ^o, and fils me with flaggons.

May 4. M ^ris Palmer desired her, that shee would take something to uphold her, that shee might be an instrument of Gods glory, that had done so much for her.

She answered; What ever is for his glory, he will enable me to doe it: If it be his will, that I should con­tinue, he will give me power to take in the Creature.

May 5. M ^ris Palmer came againe to her, being very desirous to further her to eat or drink some­what, to nourish her.

Shee gave some such answer as is beforesaid.

What promise have you, that any should live without food?

Man lives not by bread onely, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God ^p,

Whats meant by Word there?

I think tis meant of Christ his love and mercy and goodnesse to poore sinners: and thats enough for any soule to live upon.

Its enough for the soule: but how shall the body doe?

If it be the will of God, that more of his power ^q shall be seen in sustaining me, with so little: his will is good. [Shee having said before, that they saw, that when shee took some­what, that it made her sick.]

Doe your comforts re­maine still as cleer and fresh, as at first?

Yes; I have a standing Ri­ver, continually to drink of.

Doe you sleep quietly with­out Dreames?

I have dreames: and some­times I dreame of the free love of God towards me. But once or twice I dreamed of the former terrors I was in; and I trembled exceedingly, and the bed shook under me exceedingly. But I awaked, and presently all was gone. For he is unchangeable: yesterday, and to day, and the same for ever ^r. This was May 5. 1647.

At the former Conference with M ^ris Palmer, the [Page 59] Relator was present, and then writ. Both the former and the latter, M ^ris Palmer her selfe writ, from whom the Relator had it: and compared both together.

To another shee declared what torments shee had undergone for a moneth together, before shee was forced to keep her bed: (which hath been ever since April 6.) How shee walked in terror day and night; what a Hell shee had in her Conscience; and was tempted to beleeve there was neither God nor Devill, neither Heaven nor Hell; but what shee felt in her Conscience: And therefore if shee were but out of this life, there was an end of all her torments. And hence shee sought to beat out her braines, against the wall, many times: and there­by was bloudy and sweld. And sought to cast her selfe down from steep places: and got knives and other things to kill her selfe withall; but was mi­raculously preserved: because the Lord had a fa­vour to her, in her base estate. But then shee thought, If Christ should come in to her, it was as if he should goe into a dunghill, into a carraine. That shee was tempted to blaspheme God, and had much adoe to keep it in: especially the last day of her souls affliction. Wherein shee was very forcibly urged to blaspheme God and dye, and so be out of her Torment; which yet shee refused to speake it out: till at last, shee could no longer withhold, but was even ready to utter forth that blasphe­my: and even then was her Tongue smit, that shee [Page 60] could not speake. Shee told moreover that shee usually every morning formerly was wont to read above twenty Chapters, and so would have still'd her Temptations; but was not a jot the better. That shee could remember nothing of what shee had read, but the judgements, and they were laid open to her: But all the promises were seal'd from me, said shee. One day I was tempted to throw my Bi­ble into the fire, and I threw it from me, but it fell not into the fire. But for this I was sore tormented, that I would have throwne it into the fire.

Another time in my trouble, I said, what I was ur­ged to say; it was this; If the Lord will not save me, let him doe what he will with me: Let him damne me. But afterwards, I was greatly terrified for it, that I should bid him damne me.

And now shee saw the evill of yeelding to such Temptations: shee thought to have had ease by yeelding: but shee was the more terrified for her yeelding. And yet the Lord magnified his mercy to her; when shee thought, that by such yeeld­ings, God would surely damne her. [O the depths of Satans wiles: and O the greater depths of the Goodnes of God! even so such seduced soules!]

Shee further said; That the same day wherein shee was forced to lye downe (viz. April 6.) shee was taken in all her body: All was shaken, and shee trembled ex­ceedingly. That her hands were clinch'd up together, and so were her feet, as if it were by the Cramp; and her mouth was drawn up, as a purse; and her eyes were [Page 61] with the eylids folded up and closed; and her hearing was taken from her; and shee had no motion nor desire of any good. Mine own eyes (said shee) pittied not my selfe; and just then was the time of love ^a. And then the Good Samaritane, then Iesus Christ came, and powr'd in wine and oyle, when I had most need. I may well shy, He is a refuge ^b, a very present help in time of Trouble.

May 7. Was another Conference between her and the Maid before mentioned April 24. which was at that present taken by the Relator.

How doe you? Have you not found him yet, whom your soule loveth?

Maid told how long shee had been thus, and yet was no beter, and how sad her case was.

I have been in as sad a condition ever since I was about nine yeers old. And that daughter of Abraham whom Satan had bound loe those eight­teene yeers ^c, yet Christ healed.

But he will destroy me.

How dare you say so, when Christ saith, He came not to destroy ^d sinners, but their sin: but to save them, such as you and I.

Hee'l save them he hath chosen, but I am none of them.

Dare you enter into Gods secrets? Who made you of his secret Counsell ^c ? Secrets belong to God.

Aye, but I would not hearken.

Its neither in him that willeth, nor in [Page 62] him that runneth, but in God that sheweth mercy ^f.

But I resisted when he would.

Your time was not come: for if his time had been to have come, its not all your power, that could hinder his power.

I put out the light, and I walked con­trary to his way.

You were not in the light, nor true way, till you have Christ. He is the light ^c, & the way.

I can doe nothing as I should.

If you had done all, yet you might be but as the young man in the Gospel, that said; All this have I done: Yet he wanted one thing: So you want one thing, the sealing of his love to your soule. You must lye low be­fore God. Its Christ that both throws down, & Christ that raiseth up ^d. He did both to me.

My heart is desperate.

The heart of man is deceitfull above all things, and is desperately wicked ^e. Its the depth ^f of misery, cryes to the depth of mercy.

I am blind and see not the depth.

Your eyes are blind yet; and Christ came to open the eyes of the blind, not of them that see, but that are blind ^g. Its Christ must wash you with cleane water; He must give it, and he will work ^h, and who shall let him.

But I resisted, and such must be willing.

But thats in the day of his power, then they shall be willing ⁱ. My body is weak to speak to you, but [Page 63] my Spirit is willing ^k, because he hath made it willing, in the day of his power.

I have gone many a weary step to get comfort, but can get none.

Christ was weary for you, to sympathize with you. The strong man possess'd me, till Christ came who is stronger, and dispossess'd him ^l. And so will be do to you.

I am in depths of misery.

Its not depths of mercy that cals for depths of misery: but its depths of misery cals for depths of mercy ^m. Now God would root you, and establish you, and now Satan is most busie with you.

I am puld up by the roots.

Christ will root you out of your sin, and root you out of your selfe: and plant you in himselfe. He will doe it.

I saw God full of Glory in the firma­ment.

He will make you and me to see him as he is, and we shall be like him in Glory ⁿ.

But I cannot beleeve.

I lay in unbeliefe, and could beleeue no­thing, but that there was no God, and no Devill, and no Hell: till he made me beleeve in himselfe: and the same power that did it for me, the same will doe it for you: for he is yesterday, and to day, and the same for e­uer ^o : for he is unchangeable.

I had a glimpse of God, but I have back­slidden from him.

Say thus to God; Turn me, and I shall be turned: the Lord saith; Ile heale your backslidings, and love you freely ^p. Ile love you though you have back­slidden, and heale your backslidings.

He speaks it not to me.

Why not to you, when tis free: to back­sliders: And he is found of them that sought him not ^q What can you say to this?

That's to one in the first work.

Its in the first work, and the second work too. He takes pleasure to work both the will and the deed ^r.

The Lord forewarnd me, and I hear­kened not to him, and now he is gone.

This is nothing but sin and Satan, to hinder you from closing with the Scriptures that are set before you. Say to God; ^s Heale me, I have sinned. Heale my backslidings.

I am no better for saying it, when I have no heart or Spirit to pray.

Say it, though you be no better; because God bids you say it: Say it, and say it againe, till he heale you. It may be, he will come in, when you say it, if you can but say it with your lips: the everlasting arms of God, can reach you, when you cannot reach him; his are everlasting armes. He reach'd Ephraim, are you more wild than he? that was at a bullock unaccu­stom'd to the yoke? Ephraim, an untam'd heiser ^t, that snuf'd up the wind? Yet God tames him, and he saith, Turne thou me, and I shall be turned: Say you so to God.

[Page 65]M ^ris Sarah having still kept her bed from April 6, till this May 7; and neither eat nor drunk all this while, but according to the proportion beforesaid; and being very weak and faint: the Maid was de­sired to forbear speaking any more, then unto her, and to come againe another time.

May 9. Being the Lords day, after both Ser­mons, these came to see her; M ^r and M ^ris Liggon, the Relator, M ^ris Dawson, a Ministers widow, M ^ris Berny, of Norfolk, and many others; amongst which was a Gentlewoman in sad despair, that hear­ing of her, came to have speech with her, and had. The Relator writ then what was said after he came thither.

The Devill Rules in me.

Christ will fetch you from him, he will dispossesse him, and possesse himselfe.

I am under sin.

Shall sin separate from the love of Christ? God hides himselfe from the house of Jacob: though dear to him.

O that you might heare ^a Christ speak to you.

I cannot beleeve I am justified: for such are sanctified: and so am not I.

You speak of sanctifying. Its against the scope of the Scripture, to put sanctifying before justify­ing. [Page 66] You should beleeve that God justifieth the ungod­ly ^b, thats for you to beleeve now; (and thence would arise your sanctification:) And that you cannot come to him, except he draw you ^c. That all power is in his hand. He is greater then all: and none can pull you out of his hands. Devils, nor Angels, nor sin, can keep from him, when he will draw you.

None knows my condition, how de­sperate it is.

The heart is deceitfull above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it ^d ? He that hath Balme of, ^e he, and he alone can heale it. None can wound the soule but himselfe: and none can heale it, but himselfe; I found that everlasting armes were under me, and kept me, though I knew it not. He taught Ephraim to goe, though he wist it not ^f,

I am rebellious against him.

He ascended and gaue gifts to men, even to the rebellious ^g. The great gift he gives them, is himselfe; and from that great gift, are all o­ther gifts, as all the streames are from the fountaine.

If thou knewest that gift of God, thou wouldst aske it, and he would give it ^h. Shee had a vaile before her heart, but he took it away, and he gave her to aske; shee could not aske, till then.

I found that no other sin separates from Christ, but unbeliefe; and did he come to finde faith in earth, in earthen hearts ⁱ ? there's nothing but death, and unbeliefe, and envy, and rebellion, and all [Page 67] manner of evill, till Christ came; and he gaue faith to me, he found it not.

In what manner was his giving faith to you?

At first I saw cleerly, Christ crucified for my sins. It was neither Judas, nor Pilate, nor He­rod, nor any other, so much as my sins. That he was the skape-goat, that bare them all away into the Wilder­nesse of forgetfulnesse, never to be remembred any more ^k. I cannot tell my misery how great it was: and I cannot tell the mercy, that a full Christ came to such an empty creature; to such a one as I, that was as Ephraim, an untamed heiser, unaccustomed to the yoke. Then his Name was proclam'd to me, that he was a Saviour, to save sinners: mercifull, gracious, long-suffering, abounding in goodnesse, and abounding in truth, to fulfill all that mercy and goodnesse: and he is the way to the Father. Ah! that he should love such a one, and marry such a one! that was a murmurer; disobedient, unholy—Such a one God was pleasd to make an object of mercy. There's an end of my misery, though I thought, there was no end of it: but there's no end of his mercy; my misery, was the misery of a crea­ture; but his mercy, is the mercy of a God, and there's no end of it. I was brought as low, at the lowest hell. The gates were open to receive me: that then mercy should come to shut them! that Christ came to fetch me out! He is good, and doth good: not to them that are good, but he makes good; nor to fill them that are full; but to fill them that are empty. Ile leave in them an afflicted and poore people, and they shall trust in the Name of the [Page 68] Lord: they that are afflicted and poore, its they shall trust in his name ^l. And whats his Name? but forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin. I made thee rest, from thy hard bondage, wherein thou wast made to serve: hard bondage, and made to serve this hard bondage ^m. Yet God delive­red, when none els could. In the first verse, the LORD will have mercy on Jacob, and will yet choose Israel. I had no will, nor no desire to him, nothing but per­versnesse and wretchednesse, as in Israel. I might speak and speak a long time, dayes and weekes, and moneths, and not able to tell all my misery. The Lord loved me, and he chastend me: as he saith to Laodicea, As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten ⁿ.

All afflictions are for good to them that love God: but they bring me no good at all.

I warrant you David could not say, His afflictions were good for him, when he said, They are gone over my head, my heart failes mee ^o. But it was afterwards that he said, It is good for me to be afflicted. The Prodigall, whilst he was in his sin and misery, could not say, it was best for him. But how did his Father & friends rejoyce afterwards ^p ? I desire all the Saints might rejoyce as much for me, as they did for him. Christ came to seek and to save that that was lost. I found it so. I read, God is good to them that are of a pure heart, and I was troubled at it; for mine was not pure ^q. That heart is pure, that he makes pure; he finds it not pure, but he makes it [Page 69] pure. When I read, I read the promises, over and over, but I could remember nothing of them: but if I reade but a tittle of the judgements, that remained with me. I could remember the verse where they are. At last, the promises terrified me most of all; because they were for others, but not for me. None could burst these bra­zen gates, but Christ alone. I was worse then a Beast. Beasts praise God in their kinde. But I dishonoured him. But all this hindred not his love to me.

Would you love God first? or would you have him love you first?

I doe not love him.

We are by nature far from loving him: wee are enemies to him: God reconciles enemies ^q. Its wee were enemies to God, `not God an enemy to us. An enemy would not recon­cile enemies. But God reconcil'd us, when we were ene­mies to him. We were then without God, far off, in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling them; dead in sins and tres­passes, Eph. 2. read it. When God comes with power, he quickens them that were dead in sinnes.

Are you weary in your Condition?

I give over all means, I think it boot­lesse to use any for me.

I found no help by any means, yet I went on. I was contented with nothing; to heare, or not to heare; read, or not read; pray, or not pray; no peace in any thing. I have great experience of that place, If he give peace, who then can trouble? but if he hide away his face, who is able to bear it ^r? [Page 70] You doe not seek him: and he saith; I am found of them that sought me not, that asked not for me. I said, Behold me, behold me, to a Nation that was not called by my Name ^s, Thats a place for a poore soule to ponder much upon. Wait a lit­tle while, and he will come ^t.

If you knew what sins I am in, you would not say so to me.

The bloud of Christ clenseth from all sin; not from one sin, or two sins, but from all sins.

When I went on in sin, the Devill told me, I was Elected.

The Devill saith no such thing, but, Thou art damn'd for ever.

I have been strangely deluded by him.

The sad Temptations and corruptions that deluded me! never any were in the like. I never read nor heard of any such as mine. But the Lord came in an acceptable time to succour me ^u. When I saw I had no good by good peoples speaking to me, nor their prayers for me; nor by all my reading, nor hearing; no good to me: I felt such horror, I thought hell to come, could not be worse then what I felt. I road to Shrewsbury. I would not hold the bridle; I would gladly the horse might stumble, or throw me in a ditch, and kill me: I let him goe where he would. [Thus shee was thrown in a ditch, and when shee came to the Inne, she being all wet, would not shift her, nor dry her; but sat in the wet cloaths, because shee was weary of life, and would have been out of it.] I [Page 71] would not eat. I saw nothing but condemnation. I thought as I went, the earth was opening every foot: and that the stones in the streets would open, and swal­low me up. I saw no other but condemnation. The more was my misery, the more is his mercy manifested. One mo­ment of his mercy, swallowed up the depth of my misery.

Before, I could not eat, nor drinke, but I was trou­bled for it: I thought it was to me, as to some at Sacra­ment, that I did eat and drink my damnation.

I am not troubled at my condition, though I know, if I dye, I goe to Hell.

Are you not weary of your condition? Is it no burden to you?

Yes, yes.

He is never weary, nor faint, in suc­couring sinners. Christ was weary, and was in all things tempted, as we are: ‘yet he knew no sin: that he might sympathize with us, and succour us that are full of sin. (Heb. 2. 18.) He hides himselfe from you. Ile look to him that hides himselfe from the house of Ja­cob. They are Jacob, his people, yet he hides himselfe from them ^x. He hides himselfe, that wee might the more desire him; as a mother from her childe.’

I am fit for nothing, I can do no work.

I oft could doe none: and it terrified me, that I did none, when I could doe none: yet it ter­rified me night and day.

I am not troubled, though I have no faith.

You can have no true rest, till you be­leeve. If God set on the least sin to a young childe, it will terrifie it as much, as the greatest sinnes of one thats a hundred yeer old, (as I have found.) When he creates peace, there will be peace ^y.

Thats to his people he creates it.

He cals them his people, that were not his people; and her beloved, which was not beloved ^z,

There's no peace to the wicked.

All are wicked, till he makes them good. There's no peace to sin, nor Satan, but there's peace for the sinner; Christ is peace for the lost sinner (Ep. 2.14.)

There's no hope for me.

There's hope in God, though none in you.

Its said; No temptation hath taken you, but that thats common to men ^a. But that is, except they be given up, as I am; for their condition was not as mine is.

He makes no such exception: some have been be­fore in your condition; and he saith, He makes a way to escape, not that way you thinke best, but the way he thinks best: that you may be able to beare it. Christ bare burdens, that you might be eas'd, when 'tis too heavy for you ^b.

I cannot be affected with my case.

Its God must give it. Wee wrastle not with [Page 73] flesh and bloud, but with principalities & powers: wee wrastle not with them in our owne strength, but in the strength of Christ, in the power of his might ^c. [The party being silent and slow to speak, or to aske: shee put out fit questions to her; and so gained in, upon her answers.] Is your sin so great, God cannot forgive you?

God can forgive me, but he will not.

God will graffe them in, because God can graffe them in, as he saith ^d. No soule be­leeves indeed that God is able to forgive it, but that beleeves he is as willing to forgive, as he is able.

The Lord sware, saying, As I live, I will not the death of a sinner: but that he turne from his sin ^c. and he turnes it, and it is turned. He sweares, he is willing; and yet you say, he is not wil­ling. He proclaimed his own Name, that he is Graci­ous—forgiving iniquity, transgression and sin: and yet you say, he is not willing to forgive you. You be­leeve not; The great sin Christ dyed for, is unbeliefe. ‘You have no will to him: Its he that works both to will, and to doe: and thats his good pleasure, its because he is very willing to it.’ Of his own will he begat us ^f. You see, how willing he is to it.

You see your sin now, more then you did before: Did you see it so before?

I was well enough, in my thoughts before.

Its God that gives you to see it.

The Devill can shew sin by the Law.

The Devill can goe no further, then his chaine.

[Page 74]The God of peace shall tread Satan under our feet, and that shortly ^g ` The De­vill shall doe that, that turnes to good to Gods people.

Thats spoke to them, whose faith and o­bedience was gone abroad through the world:

Did Christ dye for the obedient, or for the dis­obedient? Christ dyed for the disobedient and rebel­lious, that they might partake of his obedience. He dy­ed for those Romans, not when they were righteous; but while they were yet sinners, and ungodly, and ene­mies, Christ laid down his life for them: and what obedience was in such? Can you say, God will not give you obedience? I warrant you their disobedience went abroad first ^h, before their obedience.

I refused all meanes of my good.

What if you had us'd all meanes?

Then I should have been more obedient.

Then you would have thought, you were some bo­dy: Meanes should be used; But now Christ will be the more exalted, when you were so negligent. ( Isa. 43. end)

When M ^r Prig taught on those words, Arise thou that sleepest, & stand up from the dead, & Christ shall give thee light ^k. I was moved at it, I perceived by his teaching, that sin was the sleep; & ingnorance was the cause; and repentance was the awaking. And I thought I did repent; and I began, and saw sin in others, and saw how vile sins were, and had a great desire to God and heaven: sometimes I was so; and by little and little grew cold; I sin'd against Conscience; and now I walke not in light, but in darknes ^l.

Christ is light to them that are in darknesse ^m. Who is it that awakens such, but Christ? You have been a backslider, & he saith, ⁿ Ile heale backslidings for my Names sake.

Now in all my reading, and all I doe, I sin.

You cannot number your sinnes, and you cannot number his mercy. You will have the more cause to magnifie his Grace, if now he come in to you.

Now tis tedious to me, to read, or heare, I am so captiv'd.

They that are free, need not be redeem'd; he came to deliver captives ^o. Neither you, nor sin, nor Satan can awake; but Christ can awake, and will awake them that sleep. No creature shall have a hand in his work, to have the praise of it: But his owne hand shall lay ^p hold on salvation.

I grew proud of it, that I knew more then others, and would be finding fault with others; when all was nothing.

I cannot beleeve, that ever any were beyond my con­dition, in self, and sin: yet hath he shewed mercy on me.

I cannot be sorry for my sins.

Hee'l shew you, that he dyed for your sins: and then you shall mourne over him, as one mournes for his onely son ^q. He doth not onely bid, Be sorry and turne to me: But he turnes the heart, and makes it sorry: ‘He was exalted to give repentance ^r, and remission of sinnes.’

What hopes have I, that have not repen­tance?

You have not repentance: He gives it to those that have it not, not to those that have it.

I am unthankfull, undutifull.

Think not of whats in you, but of what is in Christ for you: there's unkindnesse in you, but kind­nesse in him. He gives a thankfull heart. His promise is to give a new heart. He saith, Ile give it ^s. You are still remembring your sinnes, still be remembring mer­cie in forgiving sins. Remember his kindnesse to Israel in the Wildernes: still they went from him, and still he followed them ^t. Hee'l work, and who shall let ^u ? Neither sin nor Satan shall let, when he will work. Remember that stil.

Being asked how it was with her: she said; I cannot beleeve.

Its his work to give to beleeve, that dyed for sinners.

Its not for me.

Its for chiefe of sinners, for Mary Magdalen that had seven Devil, ^w.

My heart will not be wrought upon.

Is any thing too hard for God? Tis Christs work, and tis his Office, to work on hard hearts; stony hearts.

I am oft afraid, I shall never be sav'd.

You are but afraid so. He saith, Ile sustaine thee, [Page 77] Ile save thee, be not afraid ^x. He puts under his everla­sting armes. I thought, and said, it was impossible, that ever I should be sav'd. Yet that which was impossible with me, was not impossible with God ^y : But I thought it was impossible with God.

How long were you in that affliction?

Another answered, about foure yeeres.

But not continually.

Yes continually. But this last halfe yeere, in ter­ror day and night.

I goe to the meanes, but it is to no purpose.

So it was with me: I was worse by the meanes. VVhat may your condition be?

I have cursed thoughts of God conti­nually. About three quarters of a yeer agoe, when my husband was dead, I thought, What was be­come of his soule? and what would become of me? that had made him worse by my perverse words to him, when he was faulty: and one morning, af­ter I was awake, I thought, the roome was full of smoake; and suddenly a fire went in at my mouth, and went downe hot into my belly, and there it went flutter, flutter. ²¹⁸ Then (said the woman) I sudden­ly flew out of my bed, into the midst of the roome; and a voice said within mee, to my heart, Thou art damn'd, damn'd. I felt the smell of [Page 78] brimstone. Thus it be­gan, and I thought the house was full of De­vils. Then for six or seven weeks together, I never slept at all, I was so terrified, and have been out of hopes, ever since.

Iesus Chrisi came to dispossesse the strong man ar­med, that kept the house, and to possesse it himselfe ^a: The Lyon of the Tribe of Judah, hath overcome that röaring Lyon, that seekes to devoure you.

I can see nothing but damnation.

I could see nothing but Hell, and wrath: I was as desperate, as ever was any: I said, I cared not whether I had mercy or no. I felt my selfe, soule and body in fire & brimstone already. If all the fire and brimstone in London, & all the pitch & tarre, should all be in one fire, and I walking in the midst of that fire; this was my condition. I beheld my selfe in hell locally; my terrour was so great. And I thought, there was no other Hell, but that which I felt; ‘and therefore I sought to make a­way my selfe, and many wayes attempted it: But God bath made me see my sin therein, and he ashamed; and mine iniquity, and be confounded.’ Yet then I could wait no longer: and I said, if God will not save me, let him condemne me: and it terrified me after that I had said so. But were Gods thoughts as my thoughts? were his thoughts ill towards me, because I thought so? Nay, Gods thoughts were not my thoughts ^b. God could withold possession, and temptation, if he would; but he sees, its for his glory, and for the good of [Page 79] his, that you might love him the more; and that his glory might the more be seen in his delivering of you.

Its Christs work to dispossesse, where the strong man armed keeps the house. He doth not dispossesse the soule that was not possessed, but the soule that was possessed: possest with sin, and Satan, and corruption; that such should be brought from the captivity of Satan, to the glorious liberty of the sons of God. And then shall you see that this was good for you, & all things are for good to them that love God. I say not that you can love God: but he will give you a heart to love him ^c.

I have no experience, that ever he shewd that mercy on me.

Hee'l shew mercy, that he may be feared ^d. Hee'l shew mercy to sinners; are not you a sin­ner, and ungodly?

But not to me, I cannot beleeve it.

You cannot beleeve it: I could not beleeve, that he died for me. Paul saith I was a blasphemer, a persecu­tor, injurious, yet I obtained mercy, to be a patterne to others. (1 Tim. 1.) Had you seen my condition that I was in, as I saw it, you would believ, be may as soon shew mercy on you, as shew mercy to me: and sooner too, by far.

I was and am still of a perverse spirit.

He sees you are so, and he heales such. None can heale but Christ, he is the Physician that heales che chiefest sinners freely. Put al sins into one, unbeliefe is the grea­test, and Christ died for that sin; and tis Christs gift to give faith, to one that hath no saith, to a heart ful of nothing, but of sin, and corruption, and unbelief, till Christ give it to beleeve ^e.

I would beleeve, but I cannot.

Say as the man said, I beleeve, Lord help my un­beliefe ^f: there was faith and unbeliefe mingled. Christ comes to give repentance, and remission of sinnes, ^g and faith to beleeve it.

If you have Satan in you, Christ came to destroy the works of Satan: and its a work onely for him to doe it.

I am in continuall horror.

If he speak peace, who then can trouble? He will speak peace to his people, & then So shee spake it, and so the Hebrew is fu­ture, Ps. 85.8. they shall not returne to folly: and whats that folly, but to distrust Gods mercy, and have hard thoughts of God; as if his anger & wrath should be for ever? (Ps. 77.8.10.)

Nothing will work on my heart.

No, not till Christ work: And if he work, who shall let him? His Counsell shall stand ^h.

The woman being wished to forbeare, because the other was so weak and spent; She would have the woman remember this: That Christ was carried into a wildernes, to be tempted. So he brings a soule into a wildernesse of Temptation, and then will he suc­cour them that are tempted. He saith, Ile allure her, and bring her into the wildernes, and then speak peace to her. Ho. 2.14. Thats Gods time to doe it; & then he saith to them, I wil betroth thee to me for ever; Ile be­troth thee to me. Its the wildered soule, the desolate soule, that he wil betroth to him. Though you are now in the wildernes, ne'r so sore stung of fiery Scorpions; yet there's a brazen Serpent for you, even you, to look upon, and be [Page 81] heal'd: or for such a one in your condition, never so sore stung. Is holden up, not for them that are not stung but for them that are sore stung, (Io. 3 14.)

I have slipt my time, (shee had former­ly told her more, of her sad condition by sin.)

Was it Gods time to have done it? then Who could hinder him? Thou hast not cald on me, O Iacob: thou hast been weary of me O Israel: thou hast wearied me with thine iniquities. But was their time past? Nay, the very next verse is; I even I am he, that blots out thy transgressions for mine own sake; not for thy sake, be thou ashamed; but for mine own sake [Isa. 43 end.] And in Jer 5. 11, 12. The house of Israel and of Judah, have belied the Lord, and said, it is not he neither shall evill come upon us. Yet Iudah shall be sa­ved, and Christ shall be the Lord thier righteousnesse (Iere. 23. 6.)

For four yeere together have I been in as sad a con­dition as you can be in: and at least, it grow sadder and sadder still, till I came even at the brink of Hell: and Hell gates were wide open; sin and destruction set them open; then came Christ with his armes wide open for me, and pul'd me thence.

Ther's no mercy to one in my condi­tion.

I did not then apprehend there was any mercy for me. I never met with any, so carried on as I was. I reason'd with God, Why he would make me, to damn me? And why he made the Devill? Of late I thought, if I made away my selfe, there was an end of my misery, and that there was no God, no Heaven; and no Hell, but what I had already. This last, was ever since a moneth, or six weeks before Christmas, as they call it. I could not beleeve the Scripture, nor any thing; (I had judged my selfe for these evills.) I see, nothing is too hard for God, that yet saves me, (Jer. 33. 17.) Then is no sin greater then unbeliefe. Yet Christ ayed for this also. Did not Christ say to his own Disciples, O fooles and slow of heart to beleve? They were slow to be­leeve, and yet Christ dyed for them, and was not slow to give them faith to beleeve. Whatever we suffer in Temptation, Christ suffered, being tempted, that he might partake in our sufferings. Ought not Christ to suffer, and to enter into Glory ^a? ‘ It was Christs way to glory. And are not you slow of heare to beleeve, that you must suffer many things, and then enter into glo­ry?’ When they knew Christ, then he vanished out of their sight, that they might more desire after him; and they went speedily to Jerusalem, and told of him. ^h And when Christ came againe to them, they were afraid ^c; and thought it was not he, but a delusion. (Luk. 24. So when Christ comes to your soule, "then you will feare, it is not Christ, it is but a delu­sion. It was the Disciples condition before you, those that did lye in the bosome of Christ continually.

These are great works for some.

Who doth Christ worke upon, but on stony hearts? His word is a fire and a hammer, to breake and to melt it: and he will give them one heart, ^b to feare him, and they shall not depart from him forever. Jer. 23. 29.

I have no good at all.

What if you had all excellencies of wisdome, and gifts, and deedes? What were all this, without the lo­ving kindnesse of God? And God delights in shewing mercy and loving kindnesse, (Mic. 7.18.)

God hath forsaken me.

Ier. 51. 5. Israel hath not been forsaken, nor Judah, of his God. And what was Judah? treache­rous Judah, back sliding, idolatrous, and what not? see Ier. 3 They playd the harlot with many, and feared not Gods judgements, commited adultery, and turn'd to God feinedly. Yet Judah is not forsaken of his God, he is his God: and not forsaken: though he said, He was forsaken, and his wound incurable: yet he was not forsaken. And Judah shall be saved for all that, in the Lord his God. For his own Names sake, he hath taken away their sinnes forever, and will remember them no more. He will remember his own free love; this is his own worke, and this he delights in. He lov'd us, and wash'd us in his blood: that's she fountaine where the Saints wash their Robes. Jer. 2. 13. My people have committed two evills, (my people, and two evills.) they forsake me, the fountaine, (the fountaine of our righteousnesse, and washing from sin;) and they dig Ci­sternes of their own, (their ownrighteousnes they would [Page 84] look on, and so doe you,) which will hold no water: its a broken Cisterne. This was as Adams fig. leaves. would cover but part of him, not cover all his naked­nesse: a skanty skirt, that will not cover all silthines. But the cloathing that God made, will cover all. His fountaine of living water is sufficient: and though they digd their Cisterns; yet he sets open this fountaine for them.

Say not as they said, My wound is incureable, and refused to be comforted. No Phisitian can heale such as are incurable, and that refuse healing: but God hath balme of Gilead, and hath healing there, and he powres in wine and oyle, and heals them, that said, their wound was incurable, and refused to be healed. ‘Ier. 15. 18. Because its the outcasts of Israel, the poore out­cast soule, that the Lord gathereth together, and that he healeth, (Psal. 147.2, 3.)’ What think you of such a soule, as refuseth to be comforted?

My heart quarrels against God.

Who is any otherwise by nature? But what will a father doe to his freward child, that quarrels against the father? As a father pittyeth his child thats distempered, so the Lord pitieth such. The Lord is more abundaut in love and kindnesse, to such soules as Israel was, that were murmurers, backsliders, that cald not on him, but were weary of him; as Ephraim, that fed on lies, unaccustomed to the yoake: yet Gods bowels were turned within him for Ephraim ^a: And he would not destroy him; For I am God and not man ^b. Man, in his naturall condition, is cruel to them that wrong him, [Page 85] and cannot forgive and be kinde, to such: but he is God and not man,

Being weake and spent, for a farewell, would have the woman to remember, Ier. 46. two last. Feare not thou my servant Iacob: Iacob sind, and fea­red; but he saith, Feare not thou my servant Iacob; Behold, I will save them from a far off: thou art a far off: yet behold. Ile save thee: thou art in captivitie, in bondage, Ile deliver thee. Returne, thou shalt returne, `and none shall make thee afraid. He saith not, [no man shall make thee afraid,] but none; neither man, nor sin, nor Satan; Feare not, for I am with thee. Did he think so? No: Yet then God was with him. Ile make a full end of all the Nations, (their enemies: so hee'l make an end of all thine enemies, thy sins, and corruptions, and Satan;) but I will not make a full end of thee; but I will correct thee in measure: God will measure out what affliction, and in what manner, and for how long, as for ten dayes, and it shall not exceed; but he will make thee able to beare it.

O Earth, Earth, heare the Word. ^* Man is a lamp of Earth, and cannot heare more then earth, till he cause to heare.

One spake of her weaknes; shee said, My times are in his hands, and my fresh springs are in him; for [Page 86] refreshing weary soules, and replenishing empty sorrow­full soules.

You could not have hoped for such times formerly?

No, no more then the stones in the streets. I said many times, there's no hopes for me; it was impossible there should. But, these things that were impossible with me, and with men, they were possible with God. I found them so. (Iu. 18.27)

How did your refreshings come in? was it by way of discourse, or in prayer, or how was it?

By vision of God, as he pleased to come in, fil­ling me with admiration of the free love of God, to so vile a sinner, ( to M ^r. Sp. shee after said, He reveal'd to me Iesus Christ, crucified for my sinnes; I saw it, and then I mournd over him, that bare them away into a land of forgetfulnesse.)

Whether have you lost the memory of your former terrors, in your present joyes?

God hath brought me from the power of dark­nesse, into the kingdome of his deare Son: and I should not be so sensible of his mercy in this, if I should not re­member the darknes I was in; therefore I doe not desire to forget it.

Now you have the inward teachings of the Spirit, whether doe you lesse esteeme the writ­ten word?

The word is the letter of the Spirit, and types out him; therefore not to be the lesse esteemed.

If the Lord shou'd recover you, whether doe you think, you should frequent the Ordinan­ces, in hearing the word as formerly you did?

God will dispose me to that, that shall be for his glory, and my good. But I look on Ordinances, as to­kens of Gods love to his people, and representations of Christ; that should neither be idolized, nor slight­ed; but they should be us'd, and God lov'd above them: (To M ^r. Sp. shee said: As the spouse in the Canticles, sets out her beloved by similitudes of him: so are Ordinances, similitudes of him, by which he sets out himselfe to us, for our good. If Iesus Christ him­selfe should preach to the soule every day, and give not out of himselfe, the Ordinance would be empty to it But he comes in to his people in Ordinances, and there he fils the empty soule with good things.)

Whether doe you not desire to live, to declare the great mercy that God hath express'd to you?

I desire nothing but his will, which doth order all things to his own glory, and his Creatures good.

whether have you thoughts of the Church of God, and of the condition it is in, in the parts that you know?

I wish with Paul, if it were possible, that all Israel might be sau'd.

Doe you not wish that all differences were compos'd and made up among the Saints?

Yes.

What meanes doe you thinke would be [Page 88] most effectuall to compose them?

The beholding a reconciled God, seen by all: God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himselfe. There is need of such a dayes-man as Christ, to recon­cile the world to God. (Suitable to what Mr. St. Mar­shall gathered from Isa. 57. 19. I create the fruit of the lips, peace, peace; viz. 1. That the peace and the healing of Gods people, is Gods own worke, a worke of his creating power. 2. Though it be so, yet the spe­ciall way whereby he effects it is the preaching of the Gospell of peace.) Her face being covered as daily. It us'd to be since April 6) one spake of the great weaknes of her eyes.

Christ hath done a great miracle upon me: he hath made the blind to see, and the deafe to heare, and the damb to speake; he hath done it upon many, and he hath done all upon one poore wretch: [Formerly her selfe was slow of speech, that now hath such free­dome; speaking as with a new tongue.]

Doe you think to have it alwayes day with you?

I know there may be clouds, that the soule cannot so apprehend the light of Gods countenance: at David said, Restore to me the joy of thy salvation ^a: and why hidest thou thy face from me? But Christ the Sun of righteousnesse will arise againe. ^b He will break through all these things. My times, and my refreshings are in Gods hands ^c to refresh the weary soule; which he will doe freely.

I would be glad to heare, which way the Lord came in to refresh you?

It was revealed to me, that Christ was cruci­fied for me, even for me, the chiefest of sinners. I never had a glimpse of Christ before; and then I admired him. I saw it plainly. My greatest sin was unbeliefe; and I saw I was in unbeliefe, and that the wrath of God abode upon me; I was damned already. And not for any thing in me, but when unworthinesse was in me, for his own worthinesse, even for his own Names sake, that he forgave all my sinnes. His Name is Mercifull, Gracious, long suffering, &c [Exo. 34 67,]

What counsell would you give to one in that condition of darknes.

To wait on God, that hids himselfe. (Isa 8. 17.) My temptations were the saddest of any: to beleeve there was no God, nor Heaven, nor Hell, but what I felt: my soul remain'd in terror continually.

You knew the Scripturs before, that comfort you now: wherein then is your com­fort? Whats the difference?

The Letter did but kill, it could not comfort, but God hath refreshed me in his love. God was the same to me in his love formerly, that he is now. But in his fulnes of time, he manifested that, which was be­fore. I doe not beleeve that he hated me before; and loved me after: but all my affliction, was in his love, and very faithfulnes. The glory of God doth as much appeare, in supporting a soule under terror, as in deli­vering it out of terror. Its said in Isai. 24. 16. Glorifie God in the fires; Though the soule sees it not then, yet when the Lord brings it out, then he sees that God did glorifie himselfe in the afffliction.

What doe you think of the POW­RINGS out of his spirit in the last dayes?

[Then and since being put toge­ther.] The Name of Christ is powred forth by the spirit on his people, and will be still, and thereby we love him, when he hath shewed that love to us, and drawne us.

wee have some drops of his spirit now, but are the powrings out now? (Act. 2.17.31 38.)

There are many that love him now and why doe they love him? its not said, because of some Drops; but because thy name is Oyntment powred out: Therefore it is that any soule loves him. (Cant. 1. 3.)

But doe you not think there will be a time, when God will powre out more of his Spi­rit upon his sonnes and daughters, then now is u­suall?

Though his love is powred out into the hearts of his people by the spirit now, or els we could not love him; yet this is personall, to a few: but I doe verily beleeve, it will be more generall to many, and in a greater measure. This is but a tast now of what shall be.

Doe you take no food?

Yes, I feed on Iesus Christ, he is my daily food, he feeds me with himselfe: and hee is full of satis­faction. ( Ioh. 6. 35. 51. 55.)

But I speake of bodily food: Doe you think its no temptation on you to forbeare bodi­ly food?

No. I would eate if I could, but I connot

[Page 16] If I try, it makes me worse. His word is my meat and delight. ‘ In my trouble, I oft could not eat, he fed me with bitternes and worme wood; I sed on terror, that was my meat: and now the Lord makes answerable to it, his feeding me now with promises, this marrow and fatnes: ^a he refresheth me continually with his love, which is better then ^b wine May 21. One asked her, Doe you sleep?’

These three nights I slept not till three of the clocke. but I lye still, I stir not, but am content, and thats better.

How is that better?

Content is better then abundance: is it not? And Christ is never idle, he is alwayes doing somewhat in the soule.

One speaking of hopes of her life.

To be willing to live, is the hardest lesson to me: It were best for me to be with Christ ^c Yet its a more blessed thing to give, then to receive ^d: to be doing Gods work, then receiving the reward: and I am con­tent. ^e

There's no Condition in the New Cove­nant; its the freenesse of his love, and greatnesse of his compassion, that under takes all, when the Creature is in the bloud; as in Ezek. 16. There's nothing in the Creature to move him, but sin, and disobedience, and unthankfulnesse.[ ‘So M ^r. Slater's Catec. Of the TWO Covenants, sheweth. The Matter is, [Page 92] sure mercies, sweet promises, haue all in Christ Yea, and in him Amen: to give a new heart, to know him, to write his Law, put his feare into us, cause us to walk in his Statutes, forgive our inquiries, — to be our God, and make us his people, ( Ezek. 36. 26. Ier. 31. 31. Isa. 55. 3. 2 Cor. 1. 20. Quest. What's required of such as are taken into this Covenant? A. Nothing but what is given to them: he required that men beleeve and repent: but its freely given to them so to doe: Mans duty is the matter of the promise, as well as Gods mercy, (1 Cor. 2. 12. Eph. 2. 8, Phil. 1. 29. Act 5. 31.)— When we are required to beleeve, repent and turne to God, Wee are not to seek strength in our selves, but to search into the Covenant and turne the promise into pray­er. As Repent, Act. 17. 30. The Covenant is, Christ shall give Repentance, Act. 5. 31. Pray therefore; Turne thou me, and I shall be turned, Ier. 31. 18’]

About the LAW. Is there now any use of the Law to us?

There is use of the Law: the Law is holy, and the Command is holy, and just, and good, ^f the Law is just, for it shows with Creature what it should doe, and what it cannot doe without the power of God. There's the Creatures inability, and the power of God ^f. R. 7 12.

Christ is the end of the Law for Righteousnesse, to [Page 93] very one that beleeves. Ro. 10. 4. Beleevers can look on Christ in all things, and above all things. All the Commands are done and kept in beleeving in the Lord Iesus, who hath done and undergone all for beleevers. The soule that breakes one of them, breakes them all: the soule that keeps one, keeps all. The Lord Commands the soule to doe great workes, and good workes: And he workes in them to will and to worke. Phi. 2. 13. And this is his worke, that they beleev in Christ. The Law saith, Doe this and live. The Gospel saith, Beleeve and live. ( Ro. 10. 56. S.) H. G. The Law was our School­master to bring us to Christ.

The Law was a Schoolmaster; by types it The Greek hath not, To bring us, but the law was our pedagogue (or, a leader of us children) to Christ or untill Christ. led out to Christ; But when Christ come, and saith is come, we are no lon­ger under that Schoolmaster, and Tu­tor, and Governour, and rudiments, when the fulnes of time is come (*Gal. 3.24.25. Greek. Gal. 4 1,2,3 4 5.)

Have Beleevers no need of the Law? The Apostle exhorts beleevers to the DVTIES of the first and second Table of the Law.

I beleeve the best Saints that are, have need of the Word, of the Law and Gospel, of the Exhor­tation; because there's want in them; many things they see not, and are slow too ^b. When one knowes Christ in the Gospel of Christ, its the speciall way to lead them on to the things of the Law ^c. Where faith is, there's love to God and his will, and such cannot but be care­full to maintaine good workes; ^d and till then, they can [Page 94] never observe the end of the Law, nor doe any good works, works that please God.

Is the Law of no use then to unbeleevers?

Yes It cals for that they cannot doe, and gives no power to doe: And it curseth them for not do­ing it. It shews them, they perish without Christ, that they may cry, save Master, we perish. And none can redeem them from the Curse, but Christ ^e. and he hath redeem'd them already by his death on the Crosse, but it wants manifesting to them ^f, till the fulnesse of time come, and then they see it. The further one lookes into the Law, the more one is plung'd into the depths; it wounds it the more; its rather the worse then the bet­ter. And then's the time when none can heale but Christ, that came to heale wounded soules ^g, and that is Christs time to heale. ( May 24. Because shee had said, Its a living active Christ, in a dead passive creature, that makes it act. One asked her whether every man should not use his endeavour about spirituall things or duties

(Besides what was before said Pag 64. ☞ wishing one that couldnot pray, Goe and say Take away all iniquity. Say it, because God bids you she added,) Christ is the light and life of the world, and the only way to the Father Jo. 14.6., in whom and in him alone he is well pleased Mar. 17. 5., and its he onely make us acceptable: Yet we must look at Gods will, that we should pray, and wait on him in his wayes: for he saith blessed is he that waiteth for him Jsa. 30. 18.. Not that wee can [Page] wait, by a power of our own; but he, that saith there first: Jsa. 30. 18. Therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious to you; he draws, and gives a power to wait on him, and to pray; and he comes in, when he hath waited the sutest time. When Dan. 9. 3. 20. Daniel set himselfe to pray, the Lord came into him, whilst he was speaking in prayer. When Act. 10. 6. Peter had gone apart to pray, and when Act. 22.17. Paul pray­ed in the Temple, then the Lord came in­to them. And, as many as went imme­diately to Christ were healed; So of those that went to the poole as to an Ordinance, ^e at certain seasons; some were healed. And there Christ heal'd the man that had an infirmity 38 yeeres, and had waited long, and had no help; at last Christ hea­led him there. When Simon Magus was in the gall of bitternes, Peter bid him pray ^t. He that careth for Sparrowes, and heares the Ravens when they cry, will hear poor soules that pray.

Without faith, its impossible to please God.

It is so: and unlesse such beleeve that God is, and that he is a rewarder of them that di­ligently seek him ^g they will not els come to him ^t. But such faith, may lead to him (Heb. 11. 6 [...])

What judge you about GENERALL REDEMPTION, (and the consequence there­of, FREE-WILL, FALLING AWAY, &c.) [Page 96] Seing you hold out to all that come troubled to you, that Christ hath redeemed them; and that it one­ly wants manifestation to themselves?

The Gospel is to be held out to all the world, to the chiefest of sinners: And this is Gospel: That Christ was sent of God to them, to turne them all from their sins, Act. 3 26. Act. 17. 38. 46 Act. 5. 31. Lu. 24. 46. 47. and to justifie and Pardon them; and to give Luk. 10. 5. Act. 10. 36. peace to them that are a far off, and that God is not ^c willing that any should perish, but that all should repent and live. Gods willing­nes to ^d reconcile the world to himself, it to be held out to all. And those that I thus speake to, are afflicted: and afflicti­on is the portion of those that he loves. And he had loved such, and Christ had redeemed them, whilst they were in the furnace of affliction, though they knew it not: it only wanted the manifestation to them: and when this fulnesse of time is to draw them, it is not because God then began to love them, but he loved them with an everlasting love: therefore it is that in tender mercy he draws any souls. (Jer. 31. 3) There is his free choice; and his mighty power in drawing such as were dead in sins; which no power of man could doe: none can come to Christ: except the Father draw him ^e, And having loved his own, he loves them to the end ^f; and none can pull them out of his Fathers hand. Who shall separate us from this loves ^g? neither men, nor sinne, nor Satan.

Whether doth the Lord at any time PUNISH or chasten his people FOR SIN

He saith; For this cause some are sick and weak among you ^k. But I cannot call it a ^* punishment for sin to his peo­ple; for Christ hath paid their debt already, and bare their sinne into land of forgetfulnesse. Thou for­gavest the punishment of my sinne. If the punishment for the least sin were taken away, it would presse them down to Hell: and then what would their greatest sin doe? But Christ hath satisfied, to take away the punishment.

But yet he hath fatherly chastisements for them. For whom he loves he chastens: What sonne is he whom the Father chastens not Revel. 3. 19. Heb. 12. 7.? He chastens them to [Page 99] love, and they see it, and that makes them sorry for sin as sin; or els they would never be sorry for sin as sin, but that they see his love. Its his love, that he will correct them, and then he deales with them, as with one of his own. It is in love, what ever he doth to his, in all afflictions; though the soule may not see it, till af­terwards: For, All things are for good to his people.

[as the Relator then wrote it,] I am in unbeliefe.

Its rather a token you have some Faith though you see it not. The Corn that is sown in the Ground, is first hid, & then the ⁿ blade and growth ap­peares. You are wounded: its not you that wound your selfe; but he saith, I wound and I heale. There­fore he saith to one ^o, Goe in Peace, thy faith hath made thee whole: Thou beleevest I can heale thee. This faith in me, hath made thee whole. So for you though yet you see it not; you beleeve Christ can heale you; Desire he would but speak the word, and manifest it to your soule.

Yea, But there are Mountaines in the way.

Behold he comes leaping over the ^p Mountain of Opposition that are in the way.

If the world knew the worth of the glimpse of faith, they would prize it, who cannot beleeve.

Quest. What is faith?

A beleeving, Christ is a sure and strong Rock and refuge to fly too ^q Had it not be­for [Page 101] him, you had been swallowed up. Would you rest on our own righteousnesse? on any thing in you?

I am much looking at that, to feele something in me.

Thats but filthy rags ^r: and he will take them away, and cloath you with change of raiment ^s: as Jo­sephs ^t rags were taken away, and he was cloath'd with better raiment.

When I was troubled about my condi­tion, about ten years agoe, one day as I mused, a voice said plainly to me; Marie, thou shalt dye, and live againe: and thou shalt glorifie God greatly. Thy ways are not my ways; nor thy thoughts my thoughts. This fild me with joy unspeakable; and I said; Yea Lord, let it be as thou wilt. I was perswaded, it was an Answer from God: Then I could not, but send for my friends, that they might heare what God had done for me; and I told them of this. Then I presumed that I had faith: and I looked, that God would doe great things for me, that he had thus spoken to me, and done so much for me. I was carried on thus for a time. But after this, I was led to sin againe: and I fear'd I should sinne: and I said, Lord, shall I sin againe? it went to my heart. The voice answered me; Though thou doe, thy sins are buried in the bottome of the Sea: They are bound in a bundle, and cast into the depth of the Sea. I was not led to sin by this. But I forgate Gods goodnes, and I fell into sin by little and little: and now I have been a backslider.

Here are backslidings. He saith, I have seen his wayes, and Ile heale him, and restore comforts to him. Ile heale their backslidings, Ile love them freely mind that. What joy is it to a Shepherd, when he finds a lost sheep? more joy, then over all the rest. You are the lost sheep: he will joy over you ^u.

Legions of sins are before me.

Legions of Devils were within me, not before me; but within me; Yet he hath cloathed me, and c [...] out Legion. (Mat. 8. end.) Who came Christ for? Was it for the righteous ^w? You are an alien, without God without Covenant of promise.

I am confident, that's my case.

God drawes such souls: Christ dyed to reconcile such soules: the Spirit ties both ends together, he tied them and Christ together, uniting them to Christ. So did he with those Ephesians, They were dead in sinne and trespasses, strangers from God, without God, far off, twaine; but these had he made neer. Such does God draw, and makes up the breaches. See the condi­tion they were in, Eph. 2. 12. and Hosea, the first and second Chapters. He said, They are not my people and then it shall be said, now they are the children of the living God. Hos. 1. 12. Before not people, as now, not onely people, but children: before they were dead people; now they are living children: the living God, gives them new life. They have life from God that they may live to God. In Ephes. 2. ^a You that were dead, hath he quickned; and by Grace yee are saved through Faith—not of works, least any should boast. [Page 103] We would boast, if we did any thing in it. He works, Faith, and he builds up still: he builds higher and higher, till his work be finished: We are his work­manship.

My condition is very dangerous and hopeles.

How is it?

I have an evill heart of unbeliefe, in departing from God.

Have you departed from him? then you had him. How have you departed from him, if you never had him?

I never had him.

What if now you shall have him? and you be a childe? not onely a servant, but a childe, an heir of God?

I should admire it.

He will shew mercy to be admired. He will come and be admired in his Saints that beleeve ^b. He raiseth up a bondslave, to be with him in glory. It is a faithfull saying, though the soule doubt of it: and its worthy of all acceptation: though the soul would not accept it; That Jesus Christ came to save the chie­fest of sinners ^c. The Lord will deliver you of two Bur­thens; the burthen of sin, and your other burthen also. Your extremity, is Gods opportunitie. In him Judah shall be saved.

In my prosperity, a poor woman came to me, that had her son in slavery; and she beg'd of me to give her somewhat towards her son's re­lease. [Page 104] But I thought, all was little enough for my selfe: my sister gave her somewhat; but I would give her nothing: the woman wept. And now I think on my ^d unmercifulnes, when now my soule is in slavery my self: his slavery is nothing to mine.

Christ came to deliver them that are captives and bond-slaves ^e, not them that are at liberty: The Son makes free ^f, not them that were free, but them that were in bondage.

I am without hope of mercy, and my heart failes, and gives up all.

Some refused ^g to be comforted, and would not be heal'd: yet he heales them. He looks after the Out­casts ^h, that none look after.

Thats my case.

Yet there was mercy for them; and why is this written, but for our instruction and comfort ⁱ, that we might have hope.

Not one word will abide with mee, thats spoken.

The time was not yet come. For in the appoin­ted time, it will surely speak, and not lie: it will speak truth, and peace, lasting peace, abundant mercy and love. Wait therefore for that time: The Name of God is to be Preached and Proclaim'd: that he is gracious to graceles ones; and mercifull to miserable ones; and long-suffering, and abundant in goodnesse and truth ^e, to them that have abundance of sin; and he [Page 105] would that repentance and remission of sins, should be published in his Name ^f. When he gives you a glimpse of his love, you are apt to bely the Lord, as Judah did, and to say, it is not he: unlesse it comes with a full perswasion to you: yet this hindred not the Lords coming in and healing them. Though (not a person, but) the Land was fild with sin, against the Holy One of Israel: yet Israel hath not been forsaken ^g: He said, I am forsaken, and not onely forsaken, but forgotten: Zion said so, and Israel said so; yet he is not forsaken.

For a farewell, she said, Go, and Beleeve, the Lord Jesus makes you whole: and so Go in peace, beleeving its Christ must make you whole, and none els.

It hath been sad with me, since it was said to me; Repentance is hid from thine eyes: and wo unto them, when they depart from the living God.

The Lord saith, Ile put my feare in their hearts, that they shall not depart from me ^h

But I have departed from him, there­fore I am none of his people.

There (saith he) where it was said ⁱ, They are not my people: there it shall be said, they are the children of God.

I am without God, an enemy to him.

Well, let it be so, you are without God in the world, a stranger, an enemy: yet such hath he recon­ciled by the death of his Son ^k: all the want is, you can­not see it so.

I am far off from him.

He gives peace, peace, to them that are far off.

I had a great deal of light; and I de­parted from it.

So did Judah; they departed from the living God, and went to dead Idol Gods: yet he would marry them.

I have done so.

So did they before you, and yet he married them.

But I have rejected him.

You can doe nothing els, but reject him: but your greatest rejecting is, to reject ^* a pro­mise from God when he holds one out to you; then you say, it is not to me. Thus I find, as you doe, in rejecting promises: and that was my greatest sin.

Your sin was not like mine.

No sin was like mine, as I judged. Mine was against such light, that I judged I had sin'd against the Holy Ghost.

That word terrifies me, that was said to me, Repentance is hid from thine eyes.

That word when I read it, I was ready to teare it out of my book, There were three other Scriptures that were terrible to me. He that beleeves not is condem­ned already, ^l was one: Another was, He that belee­veth [Page 107] not the Son, the wrath of God abides on him ^m. A third was, He that made them, will not have mercy on them ⁿ: no mercy, none at all. But a­bove all, this; Repentance ^o is hid from mine eyes.

Was it so with you? and then said, The Discoveries of Christ, and promises, are more ter­rible to me, then the curses of the Law.

Sometimes it was so with me; salvation was turnd into condemnation to me: promises that were never so sweet, were terrible to me.

When he would have healed me, I resi­sted, and would not.

Who hath resisted his will? Here is Gods mercy to you, that by his Spirit he hath convinced you of sin; when you might have gone without any sight of it.

I have not the light of it.

You see, you are in darkenesse: Christ came to be light to them that are in darkness ^p. Christ would not unbottome you of your selfe, but to bottome you on him­selfe ^q.

He that overcometh, to him will he give to sit on his Throne ^r, and to eat of the hidden Manna ^s? One may goe farre, and not overcome. He that endures to the end, shall be saved ^t: but I fear, I shal not.

He saith, ^u feare not, nor be dismayed: for the battel is not yours, but the Lords: you lye down in your shame, but he is your strength, your al in al.

Better never to have known the Truth, [Page 108] and holy Command, then having known it, to depart ^w, as I have departed.

All the Scriptures you bring, are to bring you off from your sandy foundation; you would build on some­thing you would finde in your selfe, and feed on husks, your prodigals portion ^x: Christ is unbottoming you of your own righteousnesse ^y, and of all evill, to make known himself, & his righteousnes to you: and to set you on that Rock, that is higher then you.

Not one glimmering light of him have I.

Had you these eight yeers enjoyed such light and comforts as you would have had, you would have rested in them. But God would not have you rest short of himselfe ^z.

I have sin'd against all the meanes and light he hath given me.

You will the more prize his mercy, and the more love him, when you shall see his love to you, notwith­standing all this ^a.

Iudas after his sin, he repented: I have not so much as he had.

He had a naturall Repentance: you wait for Re­pentance from Christ ^b, who is sent to give Repentance to them that have no Repentance.

I have sin'd with Iudas; But he saith, Returne; And I have not returned.

Doth he expect they should returne in their own strength? No. But he turns them, and they are turned ^c. Judah was given over to reproach, and to treachery, and whoredome, and to all manner of sin: Their sinnes [Page 109] were such, as could not be numbred: They would none of God, but were weary of him ^d: yet he would not forsake them ^e; but would have mercy on them, and would love them freely, and would forgive them, and blot out their sins, for his own sake ^f; that they might not boast of their own righteousnes ^g: but glory in the Lord onely.

I go on in sin: and what hope for such?

Ephraim feeds on wind; and the house of Israel cōpisseth him about with lyes: yet they were not destroy­ed: for his bowels were turnd for Ephraim, Hos. 11.8.

If I eat, I am terrified for it.

If I did eat, I was terrified for it. Sometimes I durst not drink in a whole week together: because I jud­ged, it was a Cup of Devils ^h, and I drank to Devils, if I drank: and if I did eat, I thought I did eat my own damnation.

I would fain be out of this life, that I might have an end.

Would you be sooner in Hell? Is not that worse?

I would be sitting alone, and musing, and not work: because I have no hope.

When you work not, have you no thoughts?

Yes, thoughts of sin, and of misery.

Then tis better for you to be imployed in busi­nes ⁱ: Forels, the enemy hath more advantage: And specially because God bids you labour the thing that is good ^k.

I shall never be comforted: I am cast out.

Because thou sayest, my paine is perpetuall, my [Page 110] wound is incurable ^l: and are called an Out-cast: therefore the Lord will cure thee: The Lord gather­eth the out-casts of Israel.

Once that promise was sweet to mee; The mountains shall depart, and the hills shall be re­moved: but my kindnes shall not depart from thee, nor shall the Covenant of my peace be removed, saith the LORD that hath mercy on thee ^m Then God was sweet to me, and his people sweet; I could have laid my hand under their feet. But now, mercy is departed, and all is nothing.

Hath God said, It shall not depart, and will you say, it shall depart? Mountains of sin and corrup­tion shall depart; but he will not depart. The Father draws the soule to his Son: the Son receives it; the Blessed Spirit unites it, and makes of two, one; He knits the knot in the middle, and ties these two ends toge­ther. Christ and the soule: which knot of love, none can untie ⁿ.

God might say, What could I have done more for thee, then I have done ^o? and yet I have thus revolted from him.

Israel not onely revolted, but deeply revolted. Yet he saith, Returne, and he turns them. ‘ He gather­eth, not onely Israel in generall; but the Out-casts of Israel: the skirts and rags of them. Ile tell you what your state is. You are as a man, that's taken from his house, where was some light; and is put in Ludgate, and put in a dungeon, where he hath no light.’ If one comes from the King with a pardon, and to call such a [Page 111] one to the Kings Palace, where the light is greater and more glorious, then that he had before: how will he then admire it? And will not you admire it, if the great King shall doe thus with you, that are now in a dark dungeon? If he work, who shall let him? his plea­sure is, to raise up one from a dungeon of darknes, and to bring such to his marvailous light ^q: From a dung­hill; from sin, and corruption, and the Devill; to sit with Princes ^r; to give them a kingdome. Fear not lit­tle flock ^s, its your Fathers good pleasure to give you a kingdome.

If I were of that flock, I might have hope.

Other sheep I have, that are not of this fold: them will I bring to the Sheepsold, and they shall hear my voice: and there shall be one fold, and one Shep­heard ^t.

The Lord strove with mee, and I resi­sted.

If the Lord passe over all this, your soule and bo­dy will melt: you will be overcome with this goodnesse of his, to be his for ever. Its the Son that must make you free, and then you shall be free indeed ^u.

But I have fin'd against such great light: and what will my end be?

What think you of Peter that so denied Christ? Was not be on the mountaine with Christ, and saw his glory ^w? did not he see light? & yet how sin'd he against it? when be both denied Christ, and forsware him ^x. And yet what love shewd Christ to him after all this? [Page 112] Tell my Disciples, and tell Peter that I am risen ^y. I was much troubled with the Parable of the foolish Virgins: It was terrible to me. But yet see what was there? At midnight there was a great cry; Behold the Bridegroome cometh, go forth to meet him ^z: So when it is the darkest time with you, you are cald to goe forth to meet him.

I think as I go in the streets, something will fall on my head, and will kill me.

When I went in the streets, I thought the Earth would open, and swallow me up. You cannot reckon up the thing, but I was troubled with it.

I desire I might be a warning to all, to beware by my example, of sinning against light, as I have done, & brought all this misery on me.

It may be this is it the Lord aimes at, in his hi­ding himself from you: that you may be for a warning: & yet he may return to you again ^a.

If I had hearkened, then my peace should have been as a river, and my righteousness should goe before me.

Be you ashamed, and confounded, that you have so neglected him: and if he will shew his love to you, notwithstanding all this, how will you admire him?

Ay, as much as any. I should have as much cause to admire him, as ever had any.

Therefore he will be gracious, that he may be exalted ^b.

If I could weep day and night, I should find more ease; but I cannot.

What if you could? yet the Law and all your do­ings are weak; ^a but you have not what you would in your self, that you may not rest short of Christ. You would not else so desire the riches of Grace to such a one. Are you not weary and sor­rowfull?

I am.

He will satiate the weary soul: and he will re­plenish the sorrowfull soul. ^b

Four years and above, since I was little more then eleven years old: But the last half yeere and a­bove before the Lord delivered me, I was full of ter­ror night and day; and at last, I had no rest at all, being violently tempted against my life.

Then I may have some hope that the Lord may deliver me; because I have not been a­bove two moneths so violently troubled.

Some say of your Comfort, that it is but a Delusion, some say it is not.

How do you know tis no Delusion?

You cannot know what my comforts are except you knew what my terrors were: But I beleeve, the Lord did not keep me in them, and carry me through them, and deliver me from them, ( not foon one, but from all my fears,) and give mee comfort to delude me with his comfort. For nothing could sa­tisfie in those Terrors, but Christ; therefore it is appa­rent that it is Christ; because nothing else could do it to free me from one of my terrors; much lesse to free me from all. Could any thing keep me from such great temptations, but the power of God? (then shee told of some of her Temptations.)

How know you it was the power of God?

Because it was the bare arme of God that brought salvation to me: (Isa. 59.16.) nothing else could, and nothing els did it. I went about seeking rest, and could sind none, till he gave me rest.

How know you this working in you, is the Spirit of God?

Where the Spirit of God is, there is libertie he ^d sets the soul at liberty, that was in bondage; for I was in bondage. The other is a Spirit of Error; this is the Spirit of Truth: the other is the Spirit of dark­nes, this is the Spirit of light. This is the Spirit of Truth, and not of Error, because he leads the soul in­to all Truth: ^e and he set me at liberty, that I am no under the Law, but under Grace ^f.

How, or in what sense are you not under the Law?

Because the Spirit of life in Christ Iesus, hath made me free from the law of sin, and of death. For what the Law could not doe, being weak, &c. (Rom. 8. 2. 3.) It was weak to pardon my sinne, and to carry it into the land of forgetfulnes: therefore God sending his Son — condemns sin, and saves the sin­ner: even me, the chiefest of sinners.

Whether have you SIN in you?

Yes; a thorn in the flesh ( as Paul had,) to humble me: but not to condemne me. (2 Cor. 12. 7.)

Whether doe you think that others judge of your condition now, that it is but in hypo­crisie?

They that saw, or knew me in my Terrors, when I could not be ruled; might well know, that nothing but the Peace of God, which passeth all understanding, could so rule me, which was as Ephraim, an untamed heifer, (Phil. 4.7. Ier. 31.18. (she spake this very low.)

Why do you speak no louder? are you weaker with your joyes, then you were with your Terrors?

I had more cause in my Terrors, when I abus'd my body; but I never felt it, till now. I beat my head oft against the wall; and took my flesh in my teeth: and the more and ofter I did it, the lesse I felt it. And when I had an opportunity against my life, and did not take it; then I beat my self for it most of all, because it took not effect: Or if I spake any thing that was of­fensive [Page 116] to any with me, or did that I should not; when it was brought to mind afterward, then I abused my body for it, most of all. And that I did so then, is the cause why I lie here now. For now that he hath brought me to my self, now I feel it. He did not onely bring my soul to hell, and brought it back again; but my body to the grave, that he might raise it up again if he see it good. (1 Sam. 2.6,7.)

Why do you not eat? Why do they now get things for you, that you may rise again?

I do eat. But its meat to eat, that the world knows not off; but those that taste of it: His words were ^a found, and I did eat them. His words are the joy, and rejoycing of my heart; his words of mercy, and love, and joy in the holy Ghost; which sill an empty soul indeed, as I was: which is meat indeed, both to soul and body at the present.

Whether do you not refuse the creatures our of temptation?

No, for I would eat, if I could: my stomach was then sild with terror that I could not eat; & now with joy. If I could, I would take the Creatures; but for the present I cannot: But if he see it best for his glory, and my good, I wait for a power from him for this, as well as for the rest that he hath done for me for I know that all power is in his hand, and all my times are in his hand: therfore I desire to wait on him.

Whether could you endure to be mock'd and skoff'd, and jeered at in the world? if some should say, This is she that was mad, or that counterfeited could you endure it?

Its no more then my Lord and Master was before me: They said, he was mad, and had a Devil: and the Souldiers mock'd him. Let me undergo the uttermost, I do but follow his ^a steps. And if I will be one of Christs, I must do so ^b. He suffered it, but for such a one as I, though he was the Son of God; yet he made himself of no reputation ^c, And what was it for? but to die for me the the chiefest of sinners, that I might live to have life from him, that I might live to him ^d.

Whether could you be content with Christ alone now, and take no comfort in any thing in the world, but be satisfied with him alone?

Yes, very well: for he is a satisfying Christ: for having him, I have enough, I have all things. Therefore I desire not to look after pleasures in the world, for I have enough in him ^e. For he is full of satisfaction: and I have tasted of that fulness, Grace for Gr..ce. ^f

Whether do you love God now, more then ever you did before?

I know not that ever I lov'd him at all before: For I had no love at all ^g, neither to the Creator, nor to the creature: for all were enemies. All the sight of God I had then, was, that he was an enemy. I saw no ex­cellency, nor beauty, ^h nor comliness in him to be desi­red at all.

It must be one that hath attained to great love, that can love a deformed creature. God is LOVE it self ⁱ: yet he is pleased to look on such a deformed creature as [Page 118] I; none more then I. Therefore he shews tis great love indeed, that he loved me withall. Therefore I love him with the same love, that he loved me ^k first.

I was a childe of wrath, dead in trespasses and sins; a stranger from the Covenant of promise; without God, without hope; far off from God; indeed I was an enemy to God. Yet he was pleased to reconcile enemies: there­fore its free love, to love such a one; to quicken such a one; to bring such a one neer, that was so far off. ‘It was love indeed, that made me love him. It was this, that made me to see a beauty and excellency in him; which made me love him above ten thousand worlds: if all the glory of them were in one, and given to me, I see more to besired in him, in the least glimpse of him, then in them all.’ Therefore I look on him above them all. When I saw him as an enemy to mee, I could not love him: But now I see him a reconci­led God in Iesus Christ to such an enemy as I, even I the chiefest of sinners; Which constraines me to love him. (2 Cor. 5. 14.)

Whether do you PRAY?

I do pray: but tis that the Lord would give submission to his will. As long as I am in the body, I have cause to pray. I cannot forget to pray for troubled soules, that come hither to me. But for my selfe, my chiefest work is now to PRAISE the Lord, for what he hath done to my soul. For Praises wait for God in Zi­on: And for what waits it? but for Zions deliverance from her hand bondage. Zion was a Wildernesse, desolate, forsaken, forgotten of God for the pre­sent, [Page 119] in her owne apprehension. And when God is pleased in fulnes of time to manifest himself, and to shew his love to Zion freely, and to marry her to him­self, (such a one as I was,) and to establish Zion on a sure foundation, that is, upon himself: that though the mountains and hills depart, yet his loving kindnesse shall not depart: then PRAISES wait for God in Zion: for Zion then hath answer of her prayers. ^{Ps. 6}5 ^.1

Whether finde you a tickling of pride or hypocrisie, when so many people, and some great ones come to see you? Do you not ask who were the Great people, when they are gone? and take pride in it?

How know you those that come hither, that they are truly troubled for sin? For many will make as though they were so, but are not.

None knows the secrets of God, but himselfe. And those to whom he reveals his secrets to, by their own experience they may guess at it, who is, and who is not ^a. One that is indeed burthen'd for sin, its not an easy burden for them to ly under: they would be out in it, if they could. These are weary of their sin: and any­thing else can content them, but a glimps of the love of God, in the face of Iesus Christ ^b. So far I guess then to be really troubled for sin.

How put you a difference in the Trinity between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost!

These three do all agree in one, and they dif­fer not in working a New Creation in the soul. They are three in manifesting their workings. For, None can come to the Son, except the Father who gave them to him, draw them: There's the Fathers worke, is give and draw them ^c. For these the Son lays down his life, and receives them: All that thou hast given me, shall come unto me ^d: I have kept them, and lost none. Its the work of the Spirit, to unite the soul and Christ together, to make of twain one ^c. Thus their three works are manifested to the soule. Yet these three agree ^f in one.

The Father, Son, and Spirit are in Vnion: These three agree in one: and so ther's no disagreeing or differences therein: But there are various dispen­sations to the creatures capacity; so there are three:

[Page 121] First, the Father, that in his love sent the Son ^g to reconcile sinners to himself

Secondly, the Son the Word ^h who was sent, that took our Nature; to redeem us from all iniquity and to bring us to the Father. ⁱ

Thirdly, the holy Spirit, who was sent by the Fa­ther in Christs name ^k, to manifest this love of the Fa­ther, and of the Son, to the Creature: which the Cre­ature could not know, but by the Spirit of God ^l, who quickens them that were dead in sin ^m: and he teach­eth and leads the soul into all truth ⁿ.]

May 31. was; Whether is any thing re­vealed to you, how it shall go with the Church of God?

I know, and verily beleeve it shall go ^o well with those that fear the Lord.

How mean you in spirituall, or in outward things?

Specially in spirituall, I mean: and so far as it is for their good, in outward things, God will dispose of them.

She having said, that her sanctification as well as her justification did proceed from Christ: M ^r Adderley asked her how the proved it?

I beleeve that out of the side of Christ, did is­sue both blood, and water ^p. Blood to take away the guilt of my sin: and water to wash away the filth of my sin ^q. So that from my Lord Iesus Christ, doth issue both my justification, and my sanctification. He ^r is [Page 122] made to me, Wisdom, Righteousnes, ^r Sanctification and Redemption.

I am sore assaulted by Satan.

Christ is lifted up, and held out to you, as the Brazen Serpent was in the ^a Wildernesse Though you are stung by the old Serpent, yet healing is in Christ for such as you. Shall your sin separate from Christ?

I know it shall not, ^b if Christ were wil­ling to save me, for he is able to do it.

Do you question the willingnesse of Christ He is your King, & he will save you ^c. He is as wiling to heal you, as you are to be healed. He gave his life so saving the ungodly, and sinners ^d; therefore hee is willing to save them. Doe you desire after Christ?

Yea I desire him with all my heart. I long for him.

Its he that works ^c the will and the deed: he works that desire in you.

I feel that God is angry with me.

His anger is but for a moment: but his mercy is for everlasting. ^f

Yea, if I could beleeve.

Do you see a want of Faith? thats your chiefe want: If you had Faith, you had enough: and this is true Faith, to beleeve that Christ dyed for you the chiefest sinners. ^d

I am a filthy wretched sinner.

Who was a sinner like me? Who was worse then Mary Magdalen ^g, then Peter ^h, then Paul ⁱ? Yet they obtained mercy. Are you tempted against your life?

I am oft tempted against my life.

Why, what causeth it?

Sometimes this, because I am not as o­thers are: I do not look so, as others do.

When Christ comes and manifests himselfe to the soul, it is black in it selfe, and uncomely Cant. 1.5.: but He is fair and ruddy, and he cloaths the soul with his comelines that Ezek. 16. 6 — 10. he puts on it, and makes it comely therein: and in him the soul is all fair, and there is chap. 4.7. no spot nor wrin­kle, nor any such thing in it, in his account; because he hath clensed it by his bloud, from all sinne. Its not you that do it, but Christ that will do it: as he saith, This is my Covenant Hebr. 8. 10 — 12.; I wil be mercifull to their iniqui­ties; and, Ile give you a new heart; ^o Ile put my fear in you heart; Ile write my Lawes there. Though the soul cannot beleeve at all; yet hee remains faithfull, and cannot deny himselfe ^p: hee saith not, hee will not, but hee saith, hee cannot deny himself.

He may do this for some few, but not to me.

He doth not this to me onely, nor to our Nation onely, for, many Nations must be blessed in him ^q. He came to give his life for a ransom for many to give himself for the life of the world ^r. He is a free agent; and why should you exclude your self?

I had a light followed me: but now he is hid from me.

The House of Jacob was the Church of God: and yet be hid himself from them. ^s

I am a dry barren ground.

Christ will pour water on the dry and thir­sty land. Isa. 4 [...]. 3. He satisfies the hungry soul with good things Lu. 1.53.. Its Io. 19.30. 2 Cor. 5 19. Col. 2.13. 14, 15. all done by Christ already, for poor bar­ren souls: there is nothing now to do, but to 1 Co. 2. 11. manifest it by the spirit to you. You know God hath made you, and he bare you up this while. Do you think any could do this but God? and hath he done all this for you. & do you think he will Iud. 13.23. not deliver you? Did he Isa. 63.9. Ier 1. 1.6. Act. 13.17, 18, 19. bear and carry the Israelites, that had bee bond-slaves in AEgypt, through the Wilder­nes, into Canaan, ( notwithstanding all their sins and provocations, and hardnes of heart;) and will not he bear you, and carry you, out of your self, into himself though you be a bondslave to sin and Satan? He work and none shall let him. ^a Who shall let the mighty God? shall sin or Satan? He works where he will and when he will. Though he tarry, wait for him: for he that shall come, will come, and will no­tarry. ^b

[Page 125]The Relator spake afterwards with this afflicted Maid; she told him the Lord had given some sup­port and refreshing to her, since that conference. The Lord alone be exalted for it, who works all our works for us, Isa. 26. 12. and in us. For what have we, (any of us) that we have not received 1 Cor. 4. 6.? And where then is boasting? It is excluded. Rom. 3. 27.

This was what shee said at that time, to those from Westminster: and many mo being there is the room; and her voice, through her weaknes, be­ing very low; whether some heard her speak but put of the words beforesaid; or some that her speech was related unto, God knoweth: but some did dis­tract from, and wrested her Expressions; and then raised an ill report. ‘ If the receiver be as bad as the Thiefe; one had need bee wary, lest hee receive prohibited goods.’ Some other false reports, some have made, and others have spread already but this may be an Item to all, to take heed, what they hear, and of whom: and to warn all that are professed Christians, not to come short of Aristide a professed Heathen; ‘who us'd to lend but one eare [Page 127] to a party present, that inform'd him against one absent; and to lay his hand on his other ear; signi­fying to the reporter, that hee would reserve one ear for the party absent; and not judge the case, till he heard the other also.’ Shall not Aristides, and heathen Foestus rise in judgement against many in our generation, and condemne them? When we see how Foestus also would not passe judgement against Paul being absent, though he had information a­gainst him, not by one or two, but by many, and those also being of his own ^* sect and Religion in the main, and of special note and strictnes among them: yet being desired by them, he refused it, saying, It is not the manner of of the Romanes, to deliver any man to A good name is better then great riches. Pro. 22. 1. Pro. 25. 18. Therefore it is worse to rob or wrong one in this, then in the other. dy, (so to judge him,) before that he which is accused, have the accusers face to face; and have licence to an­swer for himselfe, concerning the crims laid against him. ^m

Iune 3. 1647. She told the Relator, how the Lord prevented her ruine, about Feb. last, viz. That one night she watched till her Mother was asleep; and then stole out softly from her, taking the key of the buttery doore; which shee opened, went in, and locked it to her, taking the key with her, so to make surer her dispatch without lett: and there be­ing [Page 128] a window to the House-tiles, she crept out, (to do like Iudas, so cast her self down to dissolve her selfe;) and in the dark she saw there a fire, and Satan as a roaring Lyon in it: yet still being perswades (through his delusion) there was no other hell, but that she felt in her conscience; she went within a quarter of a yard of the edge, being ready to leap down, when none should see or hear her; and nor was no creature to hinder; then was this spoken to her distinctly; Thou shalt not fall down, and burst asunder, as Judas did, and so dishonour God that make thee. Vpon this, the sight vanished, as if it never has been: and she fell not down, being thus kept from it; and sate down by the chimney there; and after a while, beat her head against it, till it sweld abundant­ly: and the more she dashed it, (then, and at other times,) the lesse she felt it. Her tender Mother a­waking, missed her, and sought about, and cause one to breake open that buttery door: and cry out, and there found her Daughter; who has not power then to leape downe from her; but when her Mother would have her come in at the windovv, she tumbled down, her head falling on the bricks: which, with other such hurts before and after, (she oft so beating her head,) was one oc­casion of her head and eyes so great weaknesse of late.

After that desparate attempt, she had secretly got a knife, and hidde it, to dispatch her selfe withall and then was she glad, and not so troubled: so that [Page 129] her Mother hoped shee was now better. And on a Munday morning, shee desired of her Mother, to heare the Lecture at night by M ^r Carter at Fish­street-hill, and first entreated shee might goe see a neighbour; which her Mother granted, hoping she now might trust her to goe. That neighbour not being within, it was cast in her mind to go to Lam­beth-Marsh, (which shee had also purposed in the morning,) there to dispatch her selfe: and there­fore had shee taken the knife with her. Over the bridge shee thus went, and quickly came to Lam­beth-Marsh; There shee went towards the Trees, and saw them dry without leaves, or fruit; and thought, so was her soule, as they. She sate down by a ditch; and studied whether she should drown her selfe in Thanies, or there? and concluded there; because there it was more private, that none might hinder her. Then shee thought, (as shee had often thought on the like sad occasion,) shee must like Iudas, first repent, & then Mat. 27. undo her selfe: as if that would serve. Whilst shee was about this, two that seem'd to be Ministers, saw her sitting there alone, came to her, and asked her, how shee did, (for now they saw her weeping;) and why shee sate there? Shee had no power to conceale it, but said; I am not well, I am as sad a Creature as any on earth. I see my condemnation, and nothing els. I can­not be well, till I have taken away my life.

Whither were you going?

I had thoughts of hearing M ^r Carter in Fish-street-Hill.

This is not a place for such a one to sit in: and by Gods help, we will bring you thither. So thither they brought her. But as shee went, It was put in her minde to goe thence that night to the Dog-house, (shee had heared of) in Moorfields, there to offer her selfe to the Dogs, to eate her up, that her Mother might never heare of her more. But at the Sermon her Mother seeking her, espied her: and shee againe hid her selfe beyond others: but her Mother againe found her, and had her home. This was but about a Moneth before April 6. beforesaid, of her deliverance.

Iune 8. being Tuesday the Lecture-day there, (where M ^r Ed: Richardson of Yorkshire the Relators friend, was desired to preach:) upon occasion of two Passages in his Sermon, two Questions were put to her. (Her answers were suitable to his resolu­tions.)

Whether persons that rightly beleeve in Christ, doe not first feel their great need of him?

The Gospel is the Ministery of the Spirit. He convinceth of sin, because they beleeved not: and what great need they have of Christ: and till then, they never rightly beleeve. I have found it hath been so with me. No sin is like the sin of unbeliefe. The enemy is the Grand enemy of the soul: that sin, is the Grand sin of the soul. Though it be the great sin of all, and the dam­ning sin; That yet Iesus Christ should not onely bid such a one beleeve, but give it to beleeve, it is to be admired.

Whether many are not worse, by hea­ring [Page 131] the Gospel of Grace in Christ to the ungod­ly, and chiefest of sinners?

Many are worse, and many are better. The ^y Word by the Gospel is to be preached to the world of sinners; that is, the Word which became flesh ^z. That Christ came not to be ministred unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many ^a. He is not to be ministred unto by workes of our righteousnesse, or our preparing our selves first for him, or any worthinesse in our selves, but to minister, that is, to supply our wants: first the Spirit, and therewith, righteousnesse, peace, and joy; which make an empty soule, full indeed; and to give his life, not so sell it to them that haue money, but to give it, to them that have none: his life, no lesse price: a ransome for us bondslaves: that were in bondage, to Satan, sin, and corruption: for many, for a numberles number, that none can number; so they are indeed, if all be gathered together: though but a few in comparison of the rest: for many are called, but few are chosen ^b. Its there, for many; here for few. Many are called by the word to Beleeve, and to Re­pent: all, where the Gospel comes: but few are called out of their sinfull state.

I am not hungry nor thirsty.

I have sometime neglected my body, till I saw I must not wrong the Temple of the Holy Ghost ^c: and then I durst not but eat, though I had no mind to it; because tis an ordinary means of preserving life and health.

I cannot do it; I do not abstain out of wilful­nesse, for I would if I could: nor have I any command or temptation in my spirit against it, as if I should not: but it is, because I cannot. When I have tried, I am the worse by it, I cannot digest it, and the smell of it hurts me.

The Relator durst not then further urge her: and being ready to depart; Shee entreated his visi­ting [Page 133] some of the despairing soules, that had been with her; and to pray for them: and for her selfe, that shee might quietly submit to the will of God, to live or dye; for she found not such contentednesse to live, as she desired, but rather longing to be dissolved, to be with Christ, which was best of al for her. (Phil. 1. 23.)

So lie left her more drooping, weak, and pen­sive, then at any time; shee now to the eye of man, drawing neer to death, as he apprehended, and was much affected with it; & spake of it to some.

☞But yet remembring some expressions of Faith, that she had uttered before, touching the raising up of her body, as well as her soule ( pag. 33. 35.) he had hopes the Lord would yet raise up her body, to the praise of his Name, and the re­freshing of others, that are despairing, disconso­late soules.

And now behold and see the LORDS doing: for it is marvailous, and worthy to be remembred.

That day, and untill about ten of the Clock at night, & all that week before-going, especially (on, &) since Tuesday beforesaid, she had these words following her, and still as it were spoken to her a­gain & again: viz. With long life will I satisfie him. ( Ps. 91. 16.) At first she took it to be meant of E­ternall life in glory, and rejoyced in it. But when it was opened to her, to be also of long life here: Shee thought, that would not satisfie her; and therefore she would not regard it: being so desi­rous to be absent from the body, and to be present [Page 134] with Jesus Christ. 2 Cor. 5.8. a little glimpse of him that shee felt, was so sweet, shee so desired the full fruition of him, that shee was not so contented to live, as was meet: and as now (having a sight of it) shee desired prayer for her, that shee might be; and that she might quietly lie down at the feet of God, to do with her as he would: that shee might not be so weary of the condition the Lord allotted to her. About ten at night, this came in, as if it had been whispered to her soule from God; Thou hast not wearied me with thy sacrifices; but thou hast wea­ried me with thy sins: Yet I, even I am he, that blot­teth out thy transgressions, for mine owne Names sake Isa. 43.22.25.; and will remember them no more for ever: no not for ever. Thou art mine, my Cant. 7. 10. desire is towards thee. I will Hos. 14. 4. heal thy backslidings; I love thee freely, I forgive all thy sins for my Names sake; as though they had never been committed. Come and see, how I have loved thee! How I have ever loved thee! Behold and admire this love of mine. Fathom this sea of my love if thee canst, which drownes the multitude of thy sins: and see how I have ever loved thee from eternity, with an endlesse, boundlesse, and everlasting ^d love: the number of thy sins, and multitude of thy transgressions against me, shall never be able to seperate the ^e union that I have made between thee & me.

This manifestation exceedingly melted her heart; and the more abased her soule before him: And shee said; Lord, What will thou have me to doe? [Page 135] It was answered, as that to Paul, [ Act. 22. 10.] Arise and go into Damascus, and there it shall be told thee what thou shalt do: So (it was given her to un­derstand that) shee must arise from that sinfull con­dition, and goe, out of her selfe, to Christ, and he would tell her what shee must doe. And as he said to Paul, (Act. 26. 16.) Rise, and stand upon thy feet: For I have appeared to thee for this purpose, to be a Mi­nister and a witnes, both of the things thou hast seen, and in which I will appeare unto thee. So God had bid her Arise, and he had raised her soul from the lowest hell; and now he perswaded her, that he will raise up her body also: that she might be a Wit­nesse of the Grace of God, to minister to others, what he had administred unto her. And that as Paul should be a witnes, both of the sufferings of Christ for him, and of his own sufferings for the Name of Christ: So shee should be a witnes of both in like manner: and set to her seale, that God is true, in whatsoever he hath spoken, and cannot deny himselfe. And as Paul, when he was to live, and to suffer many things; He said, None of these things move me, neither count I my life deare unto my selfe, so that I may finish my course with joy, and the Ministery. (Act. 20. 24.) So she must not count her life dear to her self, no not her being with Christ, which is far better then this life being confident, that shee should finish her course with joy: and now shee must testifie and minister that Grace of God that shee had recei­ved, unto others.

[Page 136]Other places of ministring to others were brought into her, besides that of Paul. Another was of Peters wives Mother, Mark. 1. 30. Anon they tell Iesus of her: and he came and took her by the hand, and lift her up: and immediately the feaver left her: and shee ministred unto them. Not to Christ onely, but to others. And so must shee. As Christ him­selfe came, not to be ministred unto, but to minister. Mark. 10. 45.

A Third place was, Luk. 5. 20. 25. where Christ said to the man that was sick of the Palsey; Man, thy sins are forgiven thee. There he first cured the soule; and then the body, saying, Arise, and take up thy Couch. And he arose, and went, and glorified God; declaring to others what God had done for him. And so must shee.

Besides those three or foure places of ministring to others, there were six places more brought to her, of such as Iesus Christ raised up by his power: and they were set on with power on her soule. One was Luk. 7. 14. Christ said to the Widows son, Young man, I say to thee, Arise: and he that was dead, sate up, and began to speak. Yet shee desired, if shee might have a place to her more particular. Then was given in that in Luk 8. end; where Christ said; Maid, arise. And after that a third place, Mark. 10. 49. It was said to the blind man by Christs Disciples; Be of good comfort; rise, He calleth thee. He called, that won'd make him whole eve­ry whit. (This was suitable to her whose eyes were so weak, and dim.

[Page 137]A fourth place, Act. 9. 34. Peter said to AEneas, Iesus Christ maketh thee whole, and he arose im­mediately.

A fift place was, Act. 3.6. In the So Name is put for pow­er there, Act. 4.7.10. Name of Iesus Christ of Nazareth, arise and walk: and he arose immediately, and leaped, and praised God: So thou in the So Name is put for pow­er there, Act. 4.7.10. power, and efficacy of the power of Iesus Christ of Nazareth, arise and walk; Iesus Christ maketh thee whole. Then had shee Faith given her, and Power instantly, that shee could arise: but her Mother being asleep in the bed with her, shee forbare, till her Mother did awake in the morning.

Yet there came one place more, (more full, more particular, and more familiar,) Mark. 5. end, Tali­tha cumi; Damsell, I say to thee, Arise; and straight­way shee arose, and walked. And he commanded that somewhat should be given her to eate. Here was her Eating, Arising, & Walking. And a full perswasion was given her therewith, that so it should be with her selfe. Thus shee lay, fully confirm'd therein; not sleeping that night at all, but enjoying sweet communion with God, till the morning. And Iune 11. when her Mother awoke, and was arising, shee spake to her, with teares in her eyes, being grieved that (through that foresaid pensivenes) shee had not spoken a word to her Mother, and thereby might offend her; entreating her pardon; which was sooner granted, then asked. Then shee decla­red what sweet refreshings the Lord had given in, [Page 138] that night, with power to her soule, in behalfe of her bodies restoring: and named the severall pla­ces beforesaid, the Chapter and verse, as they were given in to her that night, so as they never had been given in to her in all her life before; desiring the Maid that tended her, to turne to the Scrip­tures, one by one; which shee did; and read them, to the last: Shee declaring what power came with the words into her: the last place, being, Damsell, I say to thee Arise, — and he commanded that somewhat should be given to her to eate. So now shee desired, they would give her somewhat to EAT. It being de­manded what? Shee would they should give her some broiled fish. Which was a strange expression to them, from her, that had not eat a crumme of bread, or other meat, in 76. dayes; nor so much as wet her lips for the last four or five dayes. But shee speaking with such power and evidence, they beleeved. Fish was got, and broild, and brought to her: and shee with joy in the Lord, did eat of it heartily before them. And said; Shee did eat it, be­cause Iesus Christ had sweetened it before: Therefore she said, shee found as much savour, and satisfaction, and delight in it, as if shee had all the dainties and de­lights in the world in one: So was this unto her.

Having eaten, and been refreshed, and blessed the Lord; (not finding the least distemper or in­convenience at all thereby;) Then shee called for her cloaths, (who had not been able to arise, no nor to hold up her head any while in the bed, [Page 139] since the sixt of Aprill to this 11 ^th of Iune, being 66. days:) Her cloaths being given her, shee put them on, and arose, and stood on her feet, and sate down in the Chamber, joyfull in the Lord, recei­ving no hurt thereby. When shee cald for the Fish, (as shee said,) shee had this apprehension cast into her: Thou hast fasted long; thou shalt fast no longer; it was but to make my power known to the sons of men, what I have done, and what I can doe. (2 Cor. 12.9.)

Thus the Lord gave a prolonging of her life, by Faith in the Name of Iesus Christ of Nazareth. Thus by faith shee did Eat, and Arise; and belee­ved she should Walk also. The two former shee did that instant Iune 11. The third was reserv'd to try her and others, till the Lord should see fittest.

[About the same time of Iune beforesaid, the Re­lator heard of one H. T. that then had great enjoy­ments of God, and could not take in a crumme or sip of the creatures, for full six dayes together; yet being in bodily health. It being beleeved by many good people, the Relator desired to speak with the party, who is of approved godlines; and did; and was certified thereby of the truth thereof, viz. from Iun. 9. the end, till the beginning of Iun. 16. 1647. And that both in that time, and before, the Lord had given in severall discoveries of things to come. Some particulars whereof were then related, ( viz. Iun. 19.) It seemed strange to him. Yet he durst not then reject it, being related in a tender modest manner, exalting God therein. Since this he hath recalled.

[Page 140]1. That its no where said in Scripture, that Pro­phecy, or Miracles, or Knowledge are ceased.

2. That M ^r Fox in the Book of Martyrs, cites ma­ny Miracles wrought, and Prophecies uttered, both in the first hundred of yeeres after the Apostles, and in the second, third, fourth, fifth, and so on to his time. The like do Eusebius, Socrates, and other Ec­clesiasticall approved Authors, unto their times. M ^r Fox cites Prophecies of late times, revealed to Iohn Hus, to Martin Luther, yea and to himselfe. Besides other experiences he hath known of.

3. He hath weighed severall Scriptures, that seem to hold out such things; as, Iob. 16. 8. 13. I will send the Comforter, and he shall convince of sin, of righteousnesse, &c.—And he will shew you things to come: and Act. 11. 28. Act. 21. 11. 9. Agabus, and Philips daughters prophecied, Act. 2. 13. 16, 17.— 33. 38, 39. with Iob. 7.38. 1 Cor. 12.8. 10. 28. 31. 1 Cor. 14.1. &c. Hence he feared to judge or speak ill of what he knew not, and had no experience of in himselfe: But rather judged, he should try the Spirits whether they are of God, because false Prophets are in the world, 1 Joh. 4. 1. Rev. 2. 2. And should admire the Lord in his grace to worthles wormes: and should pray for the accomplishment of the a­foresaid Scriptures; as the Disciples prayed thus; Now Lord, behold their threatnings, and grant to thy servants, that with all boldnes they may speak thy word; (the meanes thereof followeth,) by stretching forth thy hand to heal: and that signes and wonders may be [Page 141] done by the Name (or power) of thy holy childe Ie­sus, Act. 4. 29, 30. & Luk. 17. 5, 6.]

To return: M ^ris Sarah Wight arose from bed, and sate up daily, from Iune 11. till the 25. being Midsommer quarter day. Yet shee remained weak. Her Mother and her selfe before Iun. 25, desired that such as had sought the Lord for her, might so­lemnly Praise the Lord with her, for so answering prayer, for her soule and body. It was concluded to be Iun. 26. When, behold, the Lord gives in the third mercy before beleeved and hoped for, the ve­ry day foregoing it; that their mouths might be the more fild with the High Praises of God, for this addition, viz. that by Faith shee was streng­thened, (as before to eat, and to Arise: so) now to WALK. And thus it was, (as her selfe related it the same day, viz. Iun. 25. 1647.) The night be­fore it, shee was very ill, till about two in the mor­ning. Then was it hinted into her spirit, that for­merly the Lord had promised to her, that shee should Arise, and Walk and eat: And as he had performed two of them, in causing her to ARISE, and to EAT; so now he was to fulfill the Other, in causing her to WALK. Then severall Scriptures were brought in to her, with life and power: a­mongst others, these; Act. 3. 6. Peter said to the Criple, In the Name of Iesus Christ of Nazareth, arise and walk: and immediately he received strength; and stood and walked, and praised God.

Another was Iob. 5. 8. Iesus said to the man at [Page 142] the Pool, Rise and walk: and immediately the man was made whole, and walked. Another was Dan. 10. 17-19. When Daniel was weak, one from God touched him, and said, O man greatly beloved, feare not, Peace be unto thee; Be strong, yea be strong. He was weak in Spirit, and in body; and here it is twice said, Be strong: and now he was strengthened in body as well as in spirit; and he said, Let my Lord speak, for thou hast strengthened me.

Another place was, Cantic. 2. 10, 11. Rise up my love, my faire one, and come away. For the winter is past. (With this Paraphrase) The winter of af­flictions, and temptations is past; and the summer of joy and consolation is come: and the Sunne of righteousnesse is risen, which makes it a summer indeed.

The last place hinted in, was Ephes. 3. 16. That he would grant, according to the riches of his Glory; to be strengthened with might by his Spirit, in the in­ner man. This (said shee, in relating it in the mor­ning,) was spoke to me; and I did beleeve it was so absolutely. And as Daniel was strengthened im­mediately; So was I strengthened immediately: and was vile, and would be more vile in mine own eyes, that the Lord alone may be exalted.

Thus shee told her Mother, and another Chri­stian friend: and said shee had received strength.

Having declared this, with joy in the Lord, in the morning, Iun. 25, being Midsummer day, 1647. then shee her selfe opened her head and scombed it: [Page 143] which shee durst not suffer to be done the day be­fore, no nor for about twenty-four weeks before; because it was so exceeding weak and ill, through her so beating it in her former terror, that shee feared it would not hold well together, if it were opened: and of late shee had not bodily strength to do it, till that morning. And now, having dres­sed it, shee neither fainted, nor got cold thereby: but desiring her Mother, with the Maid, to call on the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; shee got up im­mediately, and stood on her feet, and WALKED, Praising the Lord. Shee not having walked, nor had so much bodily strength, in fourscore dayes before: namely, not since that sixt of Aprill beforesaid.

Thus the Lord the more fitted her for rendring Praise to his Name the day following: And here­by he gave in to her friends, greater encourage­ment, and the more occasion of High Praises to our God.

Iun. 26. the day appointed thereto being come, there met together M ^r Barker Minister in Garlick hill London, and the Relator, M ^r Sprig, M ^r Brag, and M ^r Isaac Knight, lately of Holland, with many o­ther Christian friends, to magnifie the Lord with them. It was a sweet and joyfull day to many there assembled: Much of God was seen therein.

The Party walked down, from an upper, to a middle-roome, the place prepared for the dutie; shee being veiled; the Lord having made her the more low in her own eyes, and having the more [Page 144] melted and humbled her soul, by the greatnes of his goodnes towards such an one: (which frame, the Lord continue to the end.)

The Occasion of the meeting was declared; Ma­ny of the most materiall of the former passages of the Lords speciall providence, being related, in a way to exalt the LORD alone, and not a worth­lesse Creature.

Praises were then rendred to the Name of the Lord, which is exculted Neh. 9. 5. above all blessing and Praise. In speciall with respect to this mercy, to soule and body: and to the Glorious Attributes of God, manifested herein.

Some Instructions were also given, for some di­rection and furtherance herein, both to the Party her selfe, and to her Mother, and to all present. Amongst others, some from 2 Chron. 32. 25. But Hezekiah rendred not againe, according to the benefit done unto him; for his heart was lifted up; therefore there was wrath upon him.

Whence was observed:

• 1. That the mercies of God, require rendrings unto God: rendring the glory thereof to him.
• 2. That the measure of rendring back, that the Lord looks should be endeavoured, is, according to the benefit done to them.
• 3. That all neglect of thanks or rendring againe, springs from pride, or the lifting up of the heart, thats the root.
• 4. That the Lords choice servants, are very subject [Page 145] the fearefull sinnes of pride and unthankefulnesse.]
• 5. That the wrath of God is against [ pride and unthankefulnes: The Lord takes it heavily, when his people walk [ proudly or] unthankfully. The first was then insisted upon; which being opened, con­firmed, and applied; and Praises further rendred, with prayer suitable: there was then a time of bo­dily refreshing in a cheerfull manner, after the mid­dle of the day, eating and drinking of what was sweet and pleasant: ^a that it might not be as a day of Fasting.( ^b) This was but short, and moderate; that it might be no hin­derance, but rather a furtherance to the main work then intended. Having eaten, and blessed the Lord; further Instructions were given from the words of our Lord Jesus to his owne Disciples, in Luke 10.20. In this rejoyce not that the Spirits are made subject to you: but rather rejoyce, that your Names are written in Heaven. Where is held out to us:
  • 1. That evil Spirits have been made subject to Christ Disciples. [and so they shall be, ^{c d}
  • 2. That the Prime cause of rejoycing is, that one knows, his Name is written in Heaven. He is known there what he is, he is of esteem there, hee hath in­terest there, and happinesse there.
  • 3. That even the Disciples of Iesus Christ, are prone to be carnall or fleshly in rejoycing: and not so spirituall as is meet.

[Page 146]Praises (with prayer) again and again being ren­dred in the Name of Jesus Christ; and those for whom nothing is prepared, beeing remembred; (Neh. 8. 10.) and Conclusion being made; the Assembly in convenient time was dismissed; many being greatly refreshed in the Lord, who had thus exalted his great and glorious Name, in causing LIGHT, thus to shine out of DARKNES, restoring her soul from so deep despair: and thus wonderfully raising up her body, that had been long, to the eye of reason, ready to see corruption: And as her Brother M ^r Ionathan Vaughan, before her sowls enlargement, had writ from Oxford, confidently, that Iesus Christ would deliver her: (as is touched before in pag. 5.) So he having been brought to London by a good providence just at that time, to see it done, (as pag. 25. and 29.) when he was returned to Oxford be­fore the end of April 1647. He writ thence; That he made no doubt, but the Lord would restore her bo­dy also to its perfect health; though then it drew not to death: His words were these:

Most dear Mother, I am constrained to confess with thankfulnesse, that it was an Almighty Provi­dence, indulgent to me, which brought me home to you in a most seasonable and acceptable time: in which have both heard and seen the goings forth of the Love towards my choice and precious Sister, to be in love, mercy, and peace. The strong man is dispossessed by stronger, Christ (the hope of Glory,) now reigning in her. I make no doubt, but the Great Physician, the [Page 147] good Samaritan, who hath poured out into her wounded Conscience his wine and oyle; will restore her body to its perfect health: whereby shee may be able in the land of the living to declare the Riches of the free Grace and love of God, to poor sinners. I came safe to Oxford, I praise God, &c.]

Iune 30 being the Monethly Fast-day, she went to Great Alhallows London, (it being neer Law­rence Pountney) and heard Mr Io. Simpson there, [hee having known her soul in adversity, was de­sired to have helped there in the Day of Praises; but was hindered by his Preaching that day else­where; M ^r. Prime the Minister of Lawrence Pount­ney had an impediment, that hindered him also, where he was desired. [After the Fast-days Sermons were ended, her heart was drawn out to goe to two women, that were in deepe despaire, for refresh­ing them by the comforts she had received, being greatly affected with their sad conditions: And the day following, being Iuly 1. she so went, to another woman in like condition: (one of the former women, and this, having been with her se­verall times of late, since her soul was comforted:) By speaking much to them, and by going so farre, (about a mile (to and fro) this day, and about as farre the day before,) shee was much wearied and spont; so that her body was in some weaknesse, for some dayes after. And this was the more encrea­sed by the resortings to her daily, of many in Lon­don, [Page 148] who would draw out expressions from her, to her further spending of her small strength. Hence, that shee might bee the more retired, and recover strength, for further service among the little ones, that are afflicted, &c. her tender Mother hath pro­cured for her a place in the Countrey neer a friend there, a few miles distant from London. The LORD hath given her to enjoy much of himself in the City: as much may he give, hath he given her in the Coun­trey. We cannot leave her better, then in these enjoy­ments, which are a Christians ALL IN ALL.

Before that her retire into the Conntrey, the night before Iuly 4. which was the First day of the week, called the Lords day, (it being but three dayes before her removall into the Countrey,) shee had a Dream or Vision; which left so deep an im­pression on her Spirit, that after she arose, she wrote it down, and related it to her Mother, and to the Maid; by whom the Relator hearing of it, asked her about it, and desired to see the writing: The substance of it was this:

On Saturday-night last, I was in a Dream, in great terror, and so quaked, that the bed did shake under me. I so wept, that my face was wet, when I awoke. I ap­prehended my self violently hurried down a very steep hill; and being therewith terrified, it was darted into me presently, that it was the Hill where the swine that were possessed with Legion, ran down violently into the Sea, that was at bottome of that steep place. And as I was thus hurrying down the same, I saw as [Page 149] I apprehended Horses, red and white, and black, and of some other colour, were running down before me. And being thus carried downe a great way, and through the depth of it and darkness that was, I could see no bottom of it; being overcome thereby, I cryed out to God, Lord help, I perish, I perish; I am not able I am not able to go down it. And wept. A voice presently answered me, I am able to carry thee upon Eagles wings. ^a) And instantly, one like the appearance of a man, (but the Glory of him was so great, I cannot express it; he) came, and took me in his armes; and carried me down to the bottom of the hill. And then he said to me concerning the the appearance of the As good Angles are sent to and fro, Zach. 1. 8.10. So bad ones go to and fro in the earth. Iob. 1. 7. 1 Pet. 5. 8. Horses, that were hurried down before me; These are all thy spirit­tual enemies; and I have trampled them under my feet Rom. 16. 20. And then he carried me in his armes up to the top of the hill: and then, and not till then, he told me the reason why he carried me, first down to the bottom of the hill, saying; I could have carried thee at first to the top, and not to the bottome: but thus I did, that thou maist prize the mercy the more, in delivering thee from the lowermost hell: and that thou maist prize Heaven the more. And he further said, I have gone before thee, and have made crooked places straight before thee, and have broken in pieces the gates of brasse, and have cut in sunder the barrs of iron: I have done it for thee. He that carried me, and spake thus to me, [Page 150] was so glorious, that its beyond what I can expresse. Vpon this I awoke, my cheeks being wet with weep­ing. And considering and musing about this; imme­diately this was brought to mind: Wherein have I made thee accepted? Is it not in my beloved Son, in whom my soul delighteth? ( Mat. 3.17. Eph. 1.6.)

The Glory of this was so great, she could not tell how to set it forth: and then was it brought to minde, that it is called in the Scripture, Riches of Glory, Ephes. 1. 18. Riches of his Glory, Eph. 3. 16. Glory of his Grace, Eph. 1.6. Riches of his Grace, Eph. 1. 7. Exceeding riches of his grace, Ephes. 2.7. In the morning the caused Hannah Guy, the Maid that attended on her, to turn to the places, and to read them.

The Relation hereof was taken as is before-said, the 7 ^th of Iuly, 1647. being the day of her going from London into the Countrey, (to High-gate,) to be the more retired, that here was daily tyred or wearied out, by many, especially afflicted ones in spirit, that daily resorted to her. (An honoured friend, that would not be named, affording her the courtesie of the Coach, for her better convey­ance.)

The LORD having thus far carried on his owne glorious work in an Earthen Vessel, and brought things to such a sweet period; wee may Conclude with joy in the Lord; having heard here­in of his so notable and marvellous a work: of one he hath brought from the jawes of hell, to the [Page 151] joyes of Heaven: from such Terrors (so occasioned) to such perfecting of praise, out of the mouth of a Babe: enabling such an one now, so to improve and make use of the holy Scriptures; to despairing souls, and otherwaies. Raising up not onely her soul, but her body also so wonderfully, by FAITH in his Son.

And now, Is this nothing to you, O ye that pass by, you that read, or that stand, or sit by? Is there nothing that the Lord hereby speaks to your heart? Mic. 6. 9. The LORDS voice cryeth to the Citie, and the Man of wisdom shall see thy Name: hear ye the Rod, and who hath appointed it. Hath the Rod a voice? Doth the rod of affliction speak to thee? Dost thou hear what it saith? And doth this Work of Gods wisdom and mercy speak no­thing to thy soul? If thou wouldst desire to make the best use thereof, but seest, thou art not such a man or woman of Wisdom, as to see and hear so fully as thou desirest what it may speak to thee; What ho­ney may drop to thee out of this Rock: And therefore thou desirest to be helped herein, What benefit may come to us from this consideration?

Ans. Much every manner of way, if the Lord will please by his Spirit to put an edge to it, and to set it home to our hearts with a strong hand.

1 Vse. Seing the Works of God declare his Glo­ry, and are for our edifying, as truly, and as well, as any other Ordinance, as Psal. 19. 1. Psal. 8. 3, 4. Psal. 145. 5, 6, 7, 10.) [I say not, as much as the [Page 152] word, Psal. 138. 2. but as truly, and so as well as it, Psal. 19.1—7, 8. Rom. 1.16.20. Act. 14.17. Act. 17. 26, 24.27. Act. 8.4, 5, 6, 7. Act. 10.35.42.]

1. That therefore, the Lords speciall works the workings of his Holy Spirit, being honorable and majesticall, are to be sought out (as most precious things) of all that have pleasure or delight in them, Psal. 111.2, 3. Seing he hath done them to be remem­bred; Why then is there a slacknesse in any of us, (who professe we delight in God and love him,) to search out such speciall works as these, when we hear some hint of them? Thus robbing God of that honour, and our selves of that good, that might have accrued thereby: and shewing our selves like the brutish man, Psal. 92. 5, 6. Psal. 28. 4, 5. Isa. 26.11.

2. Vse. That we think not strange if we hear of some in deep despair, and judge not hardly of such, as speak great things against themselves: but rather judge, what a burden is the least sin, if it be felt as tis indeed? This is the fruit of sin: such may bee neerer the enjoyment of mercy, then sinners in Zi­on, that are at ease: and then carelesse Daughters, Isa. 32.9.11. Isa. 33.7. Psal. 73.3, 4.14, 15.

3. Vse. To be a Caution and as a Warning-Piece both to all Superiours and Inferiours. 1. To all Su­periours; whether Husbands, Parents, Masters, or any, Officers in State or Church, to beware of urg­ing any, by any means, to doe, speake, subscribe, or an any thing against their Conscience, or with a doub­ting [Page 153] Conscience: though themselves are perswaded of the lawfulnesse of the thing, as it was with her superior: but yet as you have heard ( pag. 7.) this was one of the first chief occasions of this so terri­ble a condition to this lately afflicted handmaid, for divers yeeres, and was no small occasion of trouble to the said superior afterwards.

2. Branch. The like Caution it may be also, to all Inferiours, to wives, to children, to servants, flock, and subjects; against fearing man, that shall dye, more then the living God: and obeying man, ra­ther then God, by doing, speaking, or acting of any thing, to please men; that the word or con­science shew, to be displeasing to God. Lest for your so doing, your terrors and punishment, may be as great, or greater then those of this hand-maid, for the like offence: Yea lest God tear you in pie­ces, and there be none to deliver you, Psal. 50.22. and lest both you and your Commander repent, when it is too late.

I heard of a Maid in Suffolk, whose Parents fea­red she should grow too pure and precise: and on a Lords day evening, the Mother bid her do some work: which she judging unlawfull, (or at least doubting of,) entreated to be spared in it; but her Father threatning to beat her, she did it, and the next morning she kept her bed; and so did shee many weeks together upon it; being terrified in Conscience, for her preferring man before God: being unfit for work, it repented her Parents, and her [Page 154] self too, too late: I never could hear that she got any comfort.

Also a young Gentleman, being a scholar, of whose deep despairing of ever being saved, and of his strong perswasion that he should be damned, Master Case, Master Whitakers, Master Chr. Love, and the Relator, with many other Preachers and Christians, had notice, and sad observation. His Father a Gen­tleman in the Countrey, brought him up to London to procure some to speak to him, and to pray for him, having him present with them. This Christi­an duty was solemnly performed by those before-named, and by others, in several solemn daies of Fasting and Prayer. The beginning and chief first moving cause of those so sad perswasions was, because of the Oaths and Subscriptions imposed by the Go­vernours in the Vniversity, which he submitted to (with the multitude that stuck not at them,) though he had his Conscience warning him; yet thus doubt­ingly, or against his Conscience, he yeilded to the Or­dinances of his Superiours. But his thus doing brought great sorrow on his own soul, and on his Pa­rents and friends that sympathized with him. A­mongst others, the Relator could more sympathize herein, then many others, in regard himselfe had been much afflicted in Spirit, for his Vni­versity Oaths and Subscriptions: and yet had found though his sin abounded therein, (it being done with a staggering, (or worse, with a relu­cting) Conscience,) yet the ⁿ Grace of God [Page 155] had the more abounded, and been magnified towards him, in manifesting that he had forgiven so soul and hainous sins.

After all meanes used with this young Gentle­man, many severall daies, he returned home more wounded and terrified; because so many had taken so much pains with him, and he was no whit bet­ter; and therefore far the worse in his account; as he shew'd after his returne home, in many sad Letters, in black lines, to the Relator; and because he could write no other language, but the language of hell, (as he said) he therefore would cease to weary him with it. And so he ceased writing. And al­though since that time, the Lord hath given him hopes of his love in pardoning his sins, and trans­gressions; yet these sad examples, (and many moe of like nature that might be produced,) may suf­fice for a Warning to Heads and Governours in Vniversities, and Corporations; and to all Magi­strates, Officers, Masters, Husbands, and Parents, all Superiours whatsoever; to beware of laying on hea­vie burdens, by Seeing OATHS should be given and taken onely in such cases, and in such ritae and forme, as is war­ranted by the word, of God (viz. in truth righteousness, and judge­ment, Ier. 4 2. Revel. 10. 5, 6 Oaths, Subscri­ptions, or Commands, on any per­sons; whose Consciences when they are distressed, they are ne­ver able to relieve or release, from Hellish continual fears and torments. (Psal. 50. 22. Matth. 27.3, 4.) To be an end ef all strife. Hebrewes 6. 16.) Be­cause of Oaths (so frequent not war­ranted) this land mourneth. Ier. 23. 10 Oh that Reforma­mation were here­in, as in all things, else!

And for all Persons, to keep [Page 156] the heart and Conscience, above ^a all keeping; Fearing God, above all

Fiftly, Learn hence to fly Censuring the most vile and desperate of all sinners. Say not, they and Reprobates, though they are damn'd already in their own perswasion; as this Party was. So was M ^ris Honywood, M ^ris Drake, &c. and yet obtained mer­cie.

Sixtly, Be not weary therefore of using all good means for help to such as are hopeless and desparate as these parties were. The Lord may come in the last hour. He is not weary nor ^b faint in seeking your good daily. However your ^c labour of love is accepted of the Lord.

Seventhly, Limit not the Holy One of Israel any outward means whatsoever; seeing he gave the Party Faith and glorious joy in himself, when she was struck deaf and blind; that till that deafness was as one in hell already. But rather believe the Proverb, Jehovah ijreh, Iehovah will be seen in the Mount ^d.

Eightly, Exalt the Lord the Creator Isa. 2. 11. Psal 8.1.2. Act. 3. 12. alone, and not the Creature: Say not, What a one is shee? But, What a Mic. [...].18 God is he? in all reading, and speaking, of her, or to her. For the Lord is jealous of his glory, and will not Isa. 42.8. give it to an image of him.

[Page 157] Ninthly, Behold here, what's the most effectuall means of humbling the heart and melting it; and of furthering faith and love; and whats the greatest support and comfort in the greatest troubles and burdens about sin: namely, the discovery of the a­bundant Eph. 2.4. Rom. 4.5 Grace of God in justifying the ungodly; in giving his own Son to recon­cile Ro. 5. 6. 10; Isa. 53.5. enemies; and the love Eph. 3.19. Eph. 5.25. Ezek. 16.6. [...]2. of Christ, whilst we were in our sins, and had no­thing in us that is lovely, that yet he so loved us, as that he gave himself for us.

Tenthly, and lastly, Let all such as read or heare these wonderfull dealings of the Lord herein; Con­sider how it is with their own soules.

First, If the Lord hath sealed thee by his Spirit to the day of Redemption: in the Spirit mag­nifie God, and feed on him, and on his Sons love daily, in the Gospel promises and priviledges: And the more thou hast received, be the more humble 1 Cor. 4.7., and thankfull to God, and serviceable to him in Is. 116.12. the Power of his Son; and the more pittifull, and tender to others Tit. 3.2. [...]., consider­ing thy self Gal. 6.1..

Secondly, If thou hast no experience of such kinde of speakings of the Spirit to thee, or of such maner or measure of Faith as here is mentioned; (both of which the Relator wanting, waits for;) 1. Do not decry, or cry down what thou knowest not. a. Envy not others. 3. Be not dejected, because more is given to others, then to thee: But blesse the Lord in [Page 158] his various dispensations, that best knoweth what kinde and measure is meetest for all, (Mat. 25.15 Eph. 4.7—16.4.) Pray for more pourings out of his Spirit, upon his sons and daughters, as he hath pro­mised to do in the last dayes, (Act. 2. 17. 33.38, 39 John. 7.38, 39.

Thirdly, If thou art of a sorrowfull spirit, by reason of sin; fearing, because it is so and so with thee, that there never was an effectuall work upon thy heart; finding such a power of sinne and corruption; such dulnes, coldnes, hardnes of heart, lazines fil­thines, pride, self-ishnes, or the like basenesse: Doth not thou so much backward, in toiling to make out the former worke, and still questioning about it, and how bad thou hast been, and art since; as forward, at that abundant GRACE herein magnified and AD­VANCED to them that yet are a far off, without God, ungodly, enemies to him, to unfitted unprepared ones, to the CHIEFEST OF SINNERS.

Fourthly, If thou hast desires after full enjoyment of Jesus Christ, and some hopes that he is thine; but no assurance of it; Blesse the Lord, and be thankful to him, that hath done so much for thee, that did more desire sin and vanity. But rest not in such de­sires, but seek and presse hard for assurance.

And lastly, If thou hast long sought and waited for assurance that Christ is thine, and yet hast not attain'd it: 1. Beware of murmuring and quarrelling a­gainst God, and by this Example; seeing how grieve to her son & her murmuring hath been. 2. Despair not [Page 159] because she obtain'd mercy, that was so deep in that sin. 3. Wait humbly and patiently on the Lord, that hides himself, that thou maist still seek, and the more prize his mercy, when at last he shal manifest it to thy soule. For therefore will the LORD wait, that hee may be gracious to you: and therefore will hee bee exalted, that hee may have mercy upon you: For the LORD is a God of judgement. BLESSED are all they that wait for him, Isa. 30.18. A power to wait, is also from him that bids you wait, and promiseth, that they that murmured, shall learn do­ctrine, (Isa. 29.24.) And to put his law in our heart, Heb. 8.10. Namely, to enable us, to what hee com­mands us. THE GOD OF ALL GRACE, per­fect the good work he hath begun in thee; (Phil. 1.6.) To him be all glory by Christ Jesus, Greek. to - the age of ages, [ Eph. 3.21.] AMEN.

From July 7. till the end of Septemb. 1647. she remained at High-gate, hoping then to returne to LONDON: having eaten no bread nor flesh at all, since March last; and but very little of any other sustenance, through the weaknesse of her stomach: and yet looks as well as formerly: At the writing hereof, in this second Edition, September 27, 1647. H. J.