THE JACOBITES HUDIBRAS, CONTAINING The Late KING'S DECLARATION IN TRAVESTY.
LONDON, Printed for Abel Roper at the Mitre near Temple-Bar. 1692.
TO THE READER.
TO Triumph over Ruin and Misery, is but an unmanly fort of Insult; and in the Case of Princes, possibly, it may bear a vet harder Name. And therefore this following piece of Burles (que) will, perhaps▪ be liable to fall under some Censure on that Account. We confess indeed that Charge at first glance may seem to lie against us, had we not this Justification on our side▪ viz. That the late King's Declaration, the Subject of our grinning Meeter, is a Piece so disingenuous (to give it no severer an Epithite) that the coursest Doggerel is a Style fit for it. For not to mention any other notorious Weaknesses in it, (as being somewhat more pardonable) the utter silence throughout it in the least Excuse or Apology for the Misgovernment through his whole Four Years Reign, not so much as one shadow of the least Error [Page] acknowledg`d, appears so hardned an Original of Popish Bigotry and Confidence, that the coursest Treatment is the best it deserves.
From this Honest Vindication we have adventured to expose that sometimes High Jacobite, but at present, Faln Dagon, in a little plain Railery, as indeed the suitablest Dress for it. For truly the whole Declaration, if designed for that Great End, viz. The Sweetening and Softening three Kingdoms into his Restoration; certainly the Penmen and Compilers of it could never be in Earnest; for considering how they have managed their Arguments that way, the whole Piece take it quite through, must undoubtedly be intended for a Jest. As such therefore, to use the old course Proverb, Like to like, quo' the Devil to the Collier, We have very pertinently Rigg'd it up in this Comical Travesty.
THE PREFACE.
JAMES R.
AS late near Port of
Grace de Havre,
By Providence Fore or Back-side Favor,
With our Old Irish Troops incamp'd,
Those thin-worn Under-souls new vamp'd;
By Aid of
French Dragoons recruited;
The Famous Dear Apostles Booted,
Monsieur and
Teague a loving Couplet,
Our ever faithful Dogs in Doublet,
Opening full mouth'd to
Jacobite Whistle,
And link'd as close as Rose and Thistle;
We lay expecting Wind and Tide,
Cross Herring-pond to make a stride,
For the late
Grand Descent Ding Dong,
No less than Thirty thousand strong;
[Page]All Loyal Hands for the Great Work,
Monsieur true Steel to
James and
Turk;
And
Teague, resolv'd by this bold
[...]lim Trick,
To patch up his lost Fame at
Lim'rick;
To
[...] the
William
[...] Sons of Who
[...],
And pay the Running
Boyne old Scores.
Whilst thus Grand Fleet at
Brest Equipping,
With lesser Fry of
Transport Shipping,
Well Mann'd and Rigg'd from Star to Larboard,
Waiting we lay in mouth of Harbor;
To pave and smooth our way before us,
And tune all sweetly into Chorus,
Wisely to cheer our Subjects Loyal,
We publish'd
Declaration Royal,
Their puling Stomachs to prepare
For their expected Bill of Fare:
This Learned Piece, Penn'd, let me tell ye,
By Reverend Bishops
Ellis, E. - y,
To their Immortal Zeal's Applause,
Joynt Brother Champions of our Cause;
For
Jacobite Conveyance printed,
And for our Royal Standard minted.
But (to our Grief of Heart be't spoken)
Our Wind-bound Cause and Measures broken,
Our Great Intrigues (alas) unravel'd,
And all our Councils stuck and gravel'd;
(For mighty Hopes too oft fall short all,
And Great Designs are things but Mortal,)
We hear some Miscreants Male-contented,
Have our great Edict mis-presented;
Traduc'd our high Imperial Scribble,
With the hard Names of Dull and Feeble,
Fill'd up with Quibble, Crack and Flaw,
As weak as Heretick Cobw
[...]b Law;
Our
Declaration, call'd by some
Sow'r Meat, by others
Sugar-Plumb.
Nay, some whose Tongues we wish Besh—n,
Stick not to say 'twas only written
To tickle Trout, and Bait for Gudgeon,
And all to soften Popish Dudgeon.
In fi
[...]e, a
Hocus Pocus Tool;
What not! all turn'd to Ridicule!
But to unmask the whole Delusion,
Both for our Justice, their Confusion:
[Page]Since so many Clod-pates, God knows,
Can make no Sense of it in Prose:
We have thought fit, for more effectual
Enlightning British Intellectual,
To troll the glibber and the sweeter,
To have it soften'd into Meeter;
Resolved to try, if it can chime
More Sense and Reason tagg'd with Rhime.
Besides sublimer Charmes invite us
To choose this Glorious way to right us.
As Poetry's exalted Quality
T'Heroick Fame gives Immortality▪
Our Declaration to rehearse
In lofty Monumental Verse;
How can we fill a nobler Journal,
T'enstall our Memory Eternal.
Given at our Rising Camp near
Havre de Grace,
in the last Year of our Reign.
Melfort.
Declaration.
WHereas
WHereas the most Christian King in pursuance of the many obliging Promises he has made Us, of giving Us his Effectual Assistance for the recovering of our Kingdoms, and in order to it, has lent Us so many of his Troops, as may be abundantly sufficient to unty the hands of our Subjects, and make it safe for them to return to their Duty.
Our ever Dearest
Joy,
Lewis that Tory Rory Boy,
Lewis the
Great and
Absolute,
(Our own beloved Attribute!
An Attribute, that Darling Dearing,
As cost us once Three Crowns the wearing)
Our kindest and almost Twin-Brother
(So like you'll scarce know one from t'other)
Has lent us his kind Help most
Christian
Against the
Williamite Philistian;
To maul their
Orange-Tree, and try a
Touch with their little great
Goliah;
[Page 2]In mutual Link like Thong and Buckle,
To bring our Enemies to Truckle,
Suppli'd us all our Tools and Tackle
Our Friends t'unty, and Foes to s
[...]a
[...]k
[...]e.
Accordingly with Force t'Equip us,
And Fleet a Thousand strong to Ship us,
For Three Apostate Crowns Subjection,
And Tripple Diadem's Resurrection;
We are resolved with Cause most hopeful,
With Arm Puissant, Heart brim
Pope-full,
To give the Hereticks Bastinado;
With
Army French, and
French Armado,
Recover Kingdoms Renegado.
These Forces lent us to Restore us,
And fairly drive the World before us,
And has notwithstanding for the present, according to our desire, purposely declined sending over Forces so Numerous, as might raise any jealousie in the Minds of our Good Subjects. All which Foreign Troops, as soon as we shall be fully setled in the quiet and peaceable Possession of our Kingdoms, We do hereby promise to send back.
More we could borrow, if need were,For
Lewis has enough to spare.
[Page 3]But for good Reasons why and wherefore
These shall be all we want, or care for.
And now for cheering Subjects loving,
Wisely and prudently removing
All Jealousy from
French Invasion▪
(As God-wot they've but small occasion;)
Besides the Honor we have about us,
And the no Cause they have to doubt us,
We promise when we readvance
To
English Throne by Pow'r of
France,
Those Champions for our
Jus Divinum,
Help't by our Friends above to join'em,
The worthy Heroes Dead, and gon all,
St.
Ruth, St.
Coleman, St.
Tyrconnel,
Those Saints in our great Truth departed,
And still in Heav'n t▪our Cause truehearted,
Those Fighting, and these Interceding,
Have brought home
Dame and
Master Reading:
When
Fleur de liss has humbled
Lyon,
And rais'd the Walls of our faln
Sion:
We'll send back every Mothers Son:
These
Monsieurs when our Work is don
[Page 4]Upon Our Royal Word be't spoken,
(That Faith, you know, was never broken)
With nimble
Vade, presto, hocus,
One Puff shall sweep the Trooping
Locusts.
Nay to ensure our Word yet faster,
Lewis himself, Our Lord and Master,
Shall kindly condescend to be
Our honourable Guarrantee.
Him w' have engaged by Oath and Vow;
(Bonds which he never kept till now;)
But we have pow'r to tie him more
Than all Mankind cou'd do before.
What tho you know his Hopes do fly
At Universal Monarchy;
(That blessed Work well-nigh gon through
Had we but held our Throne till now.)
Which highest Pinnacle of Glory
When you shall see him perch before ye,
And which, when we remount our Seat,
Our helping Hand shall soon compleat;
(Our least Return for Crown Restor'd,
To lend him ours, who lent his Sword;)
[Page 5]In that great Day, that finishing Stroke,
When
France all Christendom shall Yoke:
What tho all
Europe go to Po
[...],
England's alone th'excepted Spot:
We and our Heirs the Throne shall sit on.
He means no Harm to little
Britain,
So far from the least thought to Shackle us,
(Believe it spoke with Voice Oraculous)
Britain sleeps safe, no Chains upon her,
Secur'd by
Lewis Guardian Honor.
Then safely trust what Sacred true is;
Nor doubt your Faithful
James nor
Lewis.
Tho an Affair of this Nature speaks for it self, nor do We think Our selves at all obliged to say any thing more upon this occasion, than, That We come to Assert our Just Rights, and to Deliver our People from the Oppression they lye under; yet when we consider how Miserably many of Our Subjects were cheated into the late Revolution by the Art of Ill Men, and particularly by the Prince of
Orange's Declaration, which was taken upon Trust, and easily believed then but since appear
[...] notoriously False in all the parts of it, consisting no less of Assertions that have been evidently disproved, than of Promises that were never intended to be performed. To prevent the like Delusions for the time to come,
&c.
But why (as if our Cause could droop)Do we descend so low, to stoop
To Arguing, or Cases stating?
It looks like poor Capitulating.
[Page 6]Our Friends t'indear, and Foes to Fright,
We bring that thund'ring Title
Right.
Right, which whene'er it please to shine,
With that huge Attribute,
Divine,
Can say all, do all, and defie all;
And no Body must ask it, why all?
What is't it can't do, great things, small things,
Make Subjects nothing, Monarchs all things?
Besides we come with Zeal Inspirant,
And doubtless from the Observation of the Temper and Complexion, the Methods and Maxims of the present Usurper, from the Steps he has already taken, when it was most necessary for him to give no distaste to the People, as well as from the Nature of all Usurpation, which can never be supported, but by the same ways of Fraud and Violence by which it was set up, there is all the reason in the World to believe, that the beginning of this Tyranny, like the five first Years of
Nero, is like to prove the mildest part of it; and all they have yet suffer'd, is but the beginning of the Miseries which those very Men, who were the great Promoters of the Revolution, may yet live to see and feel,
&c.
To free you from the Yoke of Tyrant:To ease you from your Shackle-bearing,
For our true Orient Bracelets wearing.
That worse than
Nero in Possession,
Th'Usurpers Reign all vile Oppression,
All Cloven Foot; the Nations Curse
Too great, and will be ten times worse.
[Page 7]Poor Cheated and Deluded Nation!
Nothing in th'
Orange Declaration,
So far from the least Good Intent,
Either perform'd, or ever meant,
But false, all Lyes in every Article,
Line, Syllable, each part and Particle;
But how or where! so poor a Thing's
Below the Cognizance of Kings.
However for authentick proof,
We say 't's all False, and that's enough:
And what we say! is Demonstration
As clear as Transubstantiation.
We must confess we once run from ye,
And turn'd our Royal Bum upon ye,
That Bum which to have made us come again,
You should have kiss'd t'have brought us home again.
What tho at that abrupt Departure,
We broke up House, and threw up Charter;
Strip'd all our own Regalia; nay,
Threw ev'n our own Great Seal away:
But what of that! what if we had gone
As far as honest
Presto John;
[Page 8]Or to the farthest Turkish Town;
And left you all to hang or drown?
(To Turkish Town! Yes, welcome there
For
Lewis sake, we had met good Cheer.)
'Tis true, indeed, our scamp'ring Dance
Our arrival in
France, the only part in
Europe to which we could retire with safety,
Was only into sweet dear
France:To
Monsieur bound with Oaths most godly,
With th'rest o'th'World we stood so odly,
That troth, for private Reasons told us
France was the only place could hold us.
But what if we had run to th' Devil!
What then! must you be so uncivil!
'Tis not alas, our running Saunter,
Nor all your
Abdication Banter,
That can excuse a Fault so spiteful
As dispossessing Prince so Rightful.
[Page 9]You've read of old of Bloody Work
For all wise Men ought, and all good Men will take care of their Posterity; and therefore it is to be remembred, that if it should please Almighty God, as one of the severest Judgments upon these Kingdoms, for the many Rebellions and Perjuries they have been guilty of, so far to permit the Continuation of the present Usurpation, that we should not be restored during our Life time, yet an indisputable Title to the Crown will survive in the Person of our dearest Son the Prince of
Wales, our present Heir apparent, and his Issue, and for default of that, in the Issue of such other Sons as we have great reason to hope (the Queen being now with Child,) we may yet leave behind us: And what the Consequences of that is like to be, may easily be understood by all that are not strangers to the long and bloody Contentions between the two Houses of
York and
Lancaster:
'Twixt House of
Lancaster and
York.And what if for some unknown Crime,
Heav'n, angry Heav'n, in Our life time,
No doubt, to Scourge ungrateful Nation,
Shall not ordain our Restoration.
(Three undon Kingdoms Loss irreparable
With all its Train of Woes inseperable!)
However if We fail (pray mind us!)
We leave our little
Wales behind us.
Besides, as Matron wise have tell'd her,
Our Queen has got a
York in
K
[...]lder.
A
York unless (what Heav'n forbid)
Our loss should make her lose her Kid.
Think O what dangers then you run ye
With th' endless Plagues entail'd upon ye,
[Page 10]When
Wales, young Sprig, 'twixt Rose and Thistle,
Shall once grow up its Thorns to bristle.
But now t'allay our Subjects Frights,
And set their little Wits to rights;
From all their dread of Hemp to chear'em,
(Nor fear their friends when they've none near'em)
We issue forth our General Pardon
So large, the like was never heard on:
Mercy so vast and so unbounded,
That but to hear the Fame on't sounded
Our Enemies shall be all confounded.
Only some Rods in Piss are kept
For these few following we Except.
As first Lords, Prelates, Peers, (what not,)
Except the Persons following,
viz. Duke of
Ormond, Marquiss of
Winchest. Earl of
Sund. Earl of,
&c. Dr.
Tillotson Dean of
Cant. Dr.
&c.—Hunt Fisherman.
All Eyesores to our Cause, (God wot,)Mounting to Thirty four in number,
All to rid off for useless Lumber;
Excluded for substantial Reason,
Some for Estates, and some for Treason.
[Page 11]This List with Dukes and Lords i'th'Van
Ends with poor
Hunt the Fisherman.
For we have sworn on Virgin Psalter,
With the same consecrated Halter,
To truss our little Man of Fish up,
Hang'd cheek by joul with great
Archbishop.
Next we except a sort of Vermine,
In Hood and Scarlet, Coif and Ermine:
Except also all Persons who as Judges or Jurymen, or otherwise had a hand in the Barbarous Murther of Mr.
John Ashton, and Mr.
Cross, or of any others who have been illegally Condemned and Executed for their Loyalty to us:
The very next up
Holborn TrudgesThose Butchering
Jury-Men and
Judges;
All hands in
Cross and
Ashton's Murther
We have sworn to troop to th'Devil and further.
Nay th'
Hick's-Hall Dons must have a rally
For some
Old-Baily Scores on Tally:
Whom we'll make bold to call t'account
For giving of our Friends a Mount;
For trussing Burghlers, noosing Pads,
Those honest Abdicated Lads;
[Page 12]Who in Allegiance firm and duteous,
To keep good Conscience sound, and true t'us,
To drink our Health, and Damn the
Dutch,
Perhaps have took a Cup too much:
Or forc'd, for daily Bread and Cloaths,
To take Purse t'escape taking Oaths.
But Woe that Criminal Wretch so tardy,
Whose crying Guilt has been so hardy,
To dare to Try, Condemn, or Hang,
Our best best Friends, our
Dear-Joy Gang;
Our
Rapparee and
Teague-land Breed,
Of our own true Shalvation Creed;
Be't doom'd with Vengeance Magisterial,
That Sin 'gainst Majesty Imperial,
That Sin our heaviest Rods shall handle,
Damn'd trebly, by Bell Book and Candle.
In short, th'whole Long-robed Mouths of Law,
Must take their Turns at
Hang and
Draw;
When for these Capital Black Sins
We'have strip'd our Dons in
Cony-skins,
Our next uncasing work, Good Sirs,
Is mauling of
Mechanick Furs:
[Page]
[Page]
[Page 13]
Provided always, That all Magistrates who expect any Benefit of Our Gracious Pardon, shall immediately after Notice of our Landing, make some Publick Manifestation of their Allegiance to Us, and of their Submission to Our Authority; and also Publish and cause to be Proclaimed this our Declaration as
[...]oon as it shall come to their Hands,
&c.
All Sparks in Office, Town or City,Sheriffs, Bayliffs, all shut out from Pity;
Mayors, Aldermen, the Kingdom thorough,
From
London Great, to small
Queenborough;
Who, when we first set Foot in Nation,
Shall not in ample Acclamation,
With Bells, Huzzahs, and Bone-fires Greet us,
Burn Caps, and run stark Mad to meet us:
Nay even that Hour we step from Water,
(What tho' they venture Necks, no matter!)
Immediately by Proclamation
Publish this Royal Declaration;
All such from hopes of Grace we Bilk,
And Damn as black as Butter-milk;
That is, by civil Computation,
Just all the Magistrates i'th' Nation.
Yes, and for Reasons strong and ample;
For making, by this wise Example,
[Page 14]Whole
Corporations Tyburn Martyrs,
Is th'easiest way to Forfeit
Charters.
Our Mercy of Gigantick Size,
And all Spies, and such as have berray'd Our Councils during our late Absence from
England, that by an early return to their Duties, and by any Signal Mark of it, as by Seizing to Our Use, or Delivering into our Hands any of Our Forts, or by bringing over to Us any Ships of War, or Troops in the Usurper's Army, or any new raised and Armed by themselves, or by any other Eminent Good Service, according to their several Opportunities and Capacities, shall manifest the Sincerity of their Repentance, shall not only have their respective Pardons immediately passed under the Great Seal of
England, but shall otherwise be Considered and Rewarded by Us, as the Merit of their Case shall require.
So Great, forgives our very Spies:All who our Councils have betray'd,
Or Royal Secrets open laid:
Be it a Sin so great (suppose it)
Peeping in Father
Petres Closet:
Nay, Crime so bold as to tell Tales
Of our Sweet Babe the Prince of
Wales.
These and worse Sins all pardon'd stand,
Provided when our Forces Land,
That Grace to merit from our Hand,
They purchase our kind Smiles and Favour,
According to their Good Behaviour.
For Instance some such Service do us,
As bring a Ship of War o'er to us;
[Page 15]Betray some Town or Fort; or Charm ye
Some Troop o'er from th'Usurper's Army.
Do this, and our Good Graces reap;
And well they buy their Necks so cheap.
Nay, for a Spill more and above,
We'll pay half Mony, not all Love,
Resolving to Regain our Crowns,
As
Lewis Buys his Conquer'd Towns.
And lastly, we Exclude all those
(A
Small Exception 'tis, God knows)
From the first Minute of our Landing,
All General Pardon notwithstanding,
Shall dare do any
Act or
Thing
T'oppose Restoring of your King.
This Lash the Black-Coat Tribe shall Scourge ye,
For this last Swoop takes all the Clergy;
From Haughty Miter'd Prelate, down
To plain Sir
John in tatter'd Gown,
Poor Parson, who rings in the People
With Candle-stick in Country Steeple;
All that in Heretick Pray'rs shall dare ye
To Pray-Success to
Will. and
Mary.
[Page 16]Nor shall this maul the Pastor's Hide
Alone, but Fleece the Sheep beside.
And We do hereby strictly Forewarn and Prohibit any of Our Subjects whatsoever, either by Collecting or Paying any of the Illegal Taxes lately imposed upon the Nation, or any part of Our Revenue, or by any other ways to Abet or Support the present Usurpation.
For woe to all their smarting Backs,Shall dare to pay one Penny Tax;
For that, you're told in Declaration,
Is to Abet the Usurpation.
Thus take the Kingdom round, Poor Soul,
He Forfeits Head that Pays but Poll.
To sum up all, when we begin,
(Our Mild Forgiving Hand once in,)
Our tender-hearted Inclination,
Excepts no more than
All the Nation,
As bound by Romish Oath Religious,
To act with Mercy thus Prodigious.
And We do hereby further Declare and Promise, That We will Protect and Maintain the Church of
England, as it is now by Law established, in all their Rights, Privileges and Possessions: And that upon all Vacancies of Bishopricks and other Dignities and Benefices within our Disposal, care shall be taken to have them filled with the most Worthy of their own Communion.
And now our Church of
England Greeting,With some few Honey-words at meeting;
[Page 17]Some small Civility Complimental;
Nor with least
Reservation Mental,
To talk Romantickly, or fright ye
With Boasted Wonders over-mighty,
Intended by us to Protect it:
Because we'd have you not expect it.
Know then with the same
Word
Most Royal,
Of which already you've had Tryal,
Your Heretick Rights maintain'd devoutly,
We'll act your Churches Champion stoutly.
(To speak in Style some call
Ironick)
We'll 't with Orthodox Canonick▪
Secur'd in all their Privileges▪
And this we vouch
in Verbo Regis.
But as to either
School or
College,
Or
Academy; we acknowledge,
Our Declaration (Mum!) says nought.
And why, because with Wise fore-thought,
Forth'old Substantial
Maudlin Breed,
(Under the Ro
[...]e) we have decreed
To make Them Nurs'ries, to supply us
With Father
Teagues and
Obadiahs.
[Page 18]
And we do hereby farther declare▪ That all Officers or Soldiers by Sea or Land, now engaged in the Usurper's Service, who shall after notice of our Landing, at any time before they engage in any Fight▪ or Battel against our Forces, quit the said Illegal Service, and return to their Duty, shall not only have their respective Pardons, but shall likewise be fully satisfied and paid all the Arrears due to them from the Usurper and that even the Foreigeers themselves,
&c.
Now You, th' Heroick Men o' th' Blade,Professors of the Martial Trade,
With Hearts most stout, and Brains most shallow,
And so more fit for present swallow,
To quit th' Usurper we exhort all;
Th' Usurper whom we hate most mortal.
And why, because he takes delight in
Our natural
Abhorren
[...]e,
[...]ighting▪
Who ever shall the Tyrant sham,
And come to Gentle
J—s the Lamb;
Besides our unknown Favours show'd 'em,
We'll pay 'em all th' Usurper ow'd 'em:
Their whole Arrears, each Doit that's due.
Ay and pay Lewis
Army too▪
A pretty Score, when both Counts meet,
His some odd Pounds for Land and Fleet:
[Page 19]A lumping roaring thund'ring Sum,
And Reck'ning-day must one day come:
But with our dear sweet Face t' enlighten ye,
Let not that paltry Triflle frighten ye.
Nay and considering what heap
Of Blessings from our Reign you'll reap,
It is a penny-worth dog cheap;
Which you'll, no doubt, pay every Farthing
And find you're Savers by the bargain.
And lastly, for a smart Conclusion,
For all our snarling Foes Confusion;
One parting, home, dead doing Blow,
As all Objections shall o'rethrow;
We promise you, (and mark us rightly,
And generally we shall delight to spend the remainder of our Reign, [as we have always design'd since we came to the Crown] in studying to do every thing that may contribute to the Re-establishment of the Greatness of the
English Monarchy upon its old and true Foundation,
&c.
A Vow to which we'll hold most tightly)By our old Model, stamp and Charter
To Reign, no flincher and no starter,
[Page 20]In Church and State,
Our Wi
[...]e and
[...] ▪
Our last remaining Thred shall be
All of a piece with our first Spinning,
As we design'd from the Beginning.
If this
Plain-Dealing will not win ye,
In troth, I think, the Devil's in ye.
FINIS.