THE MISTAKES, OR, The False Report: A TRAGI-COMEDY. Acted by their Majesties Servants. Written by Mr. Ios. Harris. The Prologue Written by Mr. Dryden, The Epilogue by Mr. Tate.
Licensed according to Order.
London, Printed for Io. Hindmarsh at the Golden-Ball over against the Royal-Exchange. 1691.
To GOD [...]REY KNELLER Esquire.
IT is common with many Poets to Varnish o're the defects of their Poems either by a little a [...]ected Satyr in the Preface and Prologue, or by the Nobility of the Patron; but for an under-graduate, the fittist Sanctuary to receive and protect his first fruits, shou'd be the Elder Choire of Poets, for there the Subiect may more aptly improve his Thoughts, and there (if any Genius glimmers through the Clowds) the Gold is entertain'd, and the dross either refin'd or forgot. I speak not this to excuse the many errors of this indigested, trifle (for indeed such confusion and uncertainty attended it, both at it's conception, and birth, that they became unavoidable,) but to render my boldness more lawfull, at least more pardonable, in committing all together to your Patronage. But yet to intitle you to Poetry, were too mean an acknowledgment, who have engrost all that can be call'd A description of Nature. Poets at best but give a distant View of her to our purblinde imaginatio [...]s, which often doubles, or falsifies the object, confounds Chimera's with the most simple beings, and so rather represent her in her infant Ch [...]os, than her present perfection. But you Sir, draw the Veil and expose her bare-face to our senses, the most proper and Adaequate Judges of it. Here we see Art tryumphing over her, and waiting Cupids pouring all their mothers Charms into your Pencill; here we may behold more Divinity in one draught, then in that Peice for which Apelles ransack't all the Beauties of the Earth and his own fertile imagination to c [...]ll out a Veuus. Of this you have given a sufficient evidence, in adorning the Court with so many Stars, which shall shine thro' your colours, when time has faded, and the Grave immured their own. For Painting being at such a noble height as you Sir have rais'd it to, carries more prevailing influence, than all the languid efforts of our enervate Pens. But it were as vain to attempt a particular Encomium of what I understand not, as to deny it's excellency, which the greatest Stupidity must confess with silence, and the greatest malice with a forc'd admiration.
Pardon me Sir, If in dwelling upon so pleasing a Subject, I have forgot that I am arguing for what is beyond the Verge of dispute, and kept you long in the Portall, that I have reason to fear you may be tir'd before you Survey the whole building; but if it affords you any diversion, I shall not complain of any reception it has already, or may meet with in it's more publick dress, but content my self that it gives me this oppertunity to testify how much I am
The Preface.
I Might here (as it is very very Customary) beg leave to tell the World the many inconveniences this hasty▪ Peice has been expos'd to; as the Season of the being so near Christimas &c. and charge all it's failings upon them; but I am sufficiently satisfyed with it's reception: and what other casualties have obstructed it's wellcome, have been exceedingly made up by Mr. Montfort, Quem semper honoratum, &c. 'Twou'd be Tautology to mention his extraordinary favours, which are already sufficiently known, and need not my suffrage: but he that will sc [...]n thoroughly the Series of his goodness to me, will find an unbyass'd kindness, and generous pitty in every step. Nor shou'd I be backward in acknowledging (I dare not call it the impartiall) favours of the pardoning Audience. What can express a solid judgment, and sincere good nature, more then to wink at faults, and applaud the least glimmering of Wit. I have only one thing now to desire, which is, that upon reading this, they who have seen the more publick representation, will not wonder to find the Plot more thick, and severall Scenes which were entirely omitted in the Action, to modell it into the ordinary bulk of a Play. And here's a fresh occasion for my gratitude to Mr. Montfort, who in the fith Act has not only corrected the tediousness by cutting out a whole Scene, but to make the Plot more clear, has put in one of his own, which heightens his own Character, and was very pleasing to the Audience. But in mentioning the brevity of the Play, I shall slip into prolixity in the preface, and therefore leave the former to entertain you.
PROLOGUE.
GEntlemen, we must beg your pardon; here's no Prologue to be had to day; Our New Play is like to come on [...] without a Frontispiece; as bald as one of you young Beaux, without your Perriwig. I left our young Poet, sniveling and sobbing behind the Scenes, and cur [...]ing some body that has deceiv'd him.
Hold your prating to the Audience: Here's honest Mr. Williams, just come in, half mellow, from the Rose-Tavern. He swears he is inspir'd with Claret, and will come on, and that Extempore too, either with a Prologue of his own or something like one: O here he comes to his Tryal, [...]t all Adventures; for my part I wi [...]h him a good Deliverance.
EPILOGUE▪
Dramatis Personae.
- DOn Juan de Mendoza Vice-Roy of Naples. Mr. Hodgsdon.
- Alberto, A Nobleman in Love with Miranda. Mr. Powell.
- Antonio, His Friend, in Love with Astella▪ Mr. Alexander.
- Ricardo, The Vice-Roy 's Favourite. A Villain and in Love with Miranda. Mr. Montford.
- Lopez, Alberto 's Men Mr. Bowen.
- Bernardo, Ricardo's Man Mr. Trefusis▪
- Don Sylvio. Fabio. Gentlemen to the Vice-Roy.
- Three Soldiers.
- Three Neighbours, A Iaylor. Messengers.
- Officers, Guards, and Att [...]ndants.
- Miranda. The Vice-Roys Daughter, in Love with Alberto. Mrs. Bracegirdle.
- Astella, Sister to Alberto, in Love with Antonio. Mrs. Butler.
- Maria. Miranda's Confident. Mrs. Richardson.
ACT I.
SCENE. I. The Street.
So, now is he going to take Horse and Ride Post to the Devill. A plague on these Female Succ [...]bu [...]'s, who o' my Conscience are good for nothing else but to breed and beget quarrells.—Well faith I'le not lose a good Master so.
I'le get some friends and neighbours to assist me, then go with 'em to all the slaughtering fields about town and finde them out, and so prevent their duelling.
How's this! friends and neighbours to assist his Master, that must not be: Bernardo, do you follow Lopez when he goes from hence, and leave him not till night: I can away with your dilligence till to the morrow.
Till to morrow Sir?
Yes, till to morrow: business of importance obl [...]ges me to attend the Vice-Roy: be gone.
What a pox has Antonio to do with his Mistriss? or can't he share her with his friend, I warrant She'le give 'em both enough, in as hot a Skirmish as this is like to be.
I must prevent his purpose and design.— Lopez.
Bless me! what will become of me now, if this ill-natur'd Courtier has or'e-heard me?
I've heard from you your Masters rash design, of fighting with Antonio, and must your faith [...]llness and care commend.
I'd rather you'd heard the last Trumpet Summoning you to Hell. Sir you may commend it, but I can hardly believe that you'l reward it.
Well Sir, since you are so resolv'd to serve my Master, I'le trust his safety for once with you, and humbly retire.
SCENE The Pallace.
ACT II.
SCENE. I. The Parade.
COme on Gentlemen you have your instructions and your reward, twenty Florins a man.
We have, and 'tis enough for this same small piece of villany: Why Sir, we Souldiers, for half so much wou'd kill our Fathers and Brothers, and after that Ravish our Mothers and Sisters.
Ay, ay Sir, Ravishing's nothing with us, 'tis our dayly practise.
Why I'le you Sir, an [...] o' my conscience 'tis true—
Conscience fellow Souldier, Zounds what hast tho [...] to do with conscience?
Who I? why nothing; the Devill I think was in me for having such an unlucky thought. How a plague came I to think o [...] Conscience, that never had any such thing in all my life?
Zounds how I shou'd know, that know not what it means.
Well; certainly I am the unfortunate' [...]t Dog in the world— but Sir, as I was saying,
Ay Sir, pray go on.
For twenty more, we wou'd cut your Honours throat, tho' we are so much oblig'd to you for your bounty already.
How!
If your Honour shou'd hire us, and pay us well for our pains.
Very likely, that I'de hire you to cut my own throat.
An you did, you'd not be the first by twenty, that have done it.
Come no more fooling.
Fooling! why I tell you Sir, 'tis our trade, we cannot live but by murder and cutting of throats: for look you Sir, the blood we drink, and it makes us fat; the hearts we broil, and eat with Salt and Vinegar, and 'tis wholesome food, Sir: as for the rest o'th body, if it be young and tender we make Venison of it, and present it to our friends and Benefactoas, such as your worship, but if tuff and old we give it to Dogs, 'tis not worth our care or preservation.
You say true but now to our business: when he comes, retire if you can, so as to o'rehear us; but if not, I hope those same unknown things call'd Consciences, that can digest murder so well, as without making wry faces at it, won't baulk a little perjury, especially when there's twenty good hard round pieces of Gold to help it down.
Never fear it Sir, 'tis another limb of our Trade; alass we shou'd halt without it: why Sir we every day practice it for Widdows, who out of tender care for their Children will Sequester some of their Mannors to themselves, lest too much plenty shou'd Dabauch 'em.
And for such grave Statesmen as your Worships honour, when they have a Suit in Law depending, or any Friend at Court whom they wou'd give a good Character of to the Goverment.
Hark ye Comrades, why the Devill shou'd we betray this gallant man (who is our fellow Soldier,) for the pleasure of a cowardly Statesman, who is of a profession, that is our greatest Enemy, and still plotting for Peace, and to hinder our glorious rapines abroad, that they may have the spoil of all at home.
Alas poor Pedro, and art thou troubled with a qualm of conscience?
No faith boy, I'de have you to know that I am a Soldier, and scorn any such baseness; but why shou'd not we commit this small peice of perjury for a brave fellow that loves us, rather then for a Coward that hates us?
Ay! but Pedro we have his money, and it wou'd be ingratitude.
Ingratitude! what's that?
Why a sort of current coin at Court Boys, that runs like quick-silver from one to another: for look ye, don't we dayly see what a crowd of Cringers press there every day, gaping like so many Jack-Daws for preferment, and commonly such as have spent three parts of their Patrimony in presenting, treating, and bribing this Lord or that Squire, this Coxcomb or t'other Fool, and at last for amends, get only a large sum of bare promises and shallow hopes (quite as shallow as his Lordships little-witty quilted noddle:) therefore I'le have nothing to do with it, but leave you all to the Devill to be advis'd.
By Saint Iago he speaks sense in that; and I scorn to be backward [Page 18] in any virtuous act, therefore I declare for the Soldier.
I am half converted and of thy opinion too: but my safety sticks with me, for this same Lord Alberto is on the other hand too Virtuous, and overcharg'd Virtue, you know, is as ugly as when she has nothing but skin and bones on her back.
Right: and therefore he'd thank us for saving of him, but hang us for betraying the other.
Hum! and i'gad that may be: for faith tho' I love him very well, yet I love my self better; therefore to conclude let us kill 'em both, and then we shall shake hands and part with a merry heart, and a good conscience.
No, no, the best way is to seize and apprehend 'em both for duelling, then shall we enjoy our prize by Law, & perhaps be rewarded by the Government for our great Care and circumspection for settling and Securing the affairs of the Nation.
Well! thou hast a rare head-piece, a rare head-peice i'faith: I shall live to see thee one of th [...]se days on the very pinicle of preferment, for ahy Policy.
What dost mean, the Gallows?
Witty Dog, the Gallows! why faith as thou sayst, the gallows is a pinacle from whence many a weather-cock has been whirl'd off, and with as handsome a farewell as your protesting Courtier gives his humble Servant, that is never to see him more▪
Well, well, I've policy enough for a Souldier▪ and I care for no more.
Ay, ay, and so we have all: but see they're met, and coming this way.
The Soldier drives the Cowardly Statesman lightning before him.
O' Miracle! A Courtier and loose blood in [...]ight: but let's to our work.
Ha! betray'd! unband me Slaves.
Slave us no Slaves, Sir, we've sav'd your life,, and you must get your liberty as well as you can.
Ha! ha! ha! what can the roaring Lion do when he has lost his Claws and Teeh, but roar? Good noble Squire of the Court you must hire Soldiers to murder a Soldier, and see what comes on't, I thank you we've earn'd our money cheaper a great deal.
What mean the treacherous Dogs?
Mean, why we mean to secure you both: you for bribing us to murder, and him for not bribing us.
Our business is to lead you back to prison, since we have given you a reprieve and are taking you from the place of execution.
Ha, ha, ha! you think we're in jest, no faith Sir, you'l not find it so: indeed I cou'd be Jocose enough sometimes, with such a friend as you are, but that there lags behind (in such a case) hanging in good earnest.
Prithee talk not to us of gold, when our lives are in danger: The Law runs thus, he that sees a duell, and does not call for help, or seize the Combatants, is equally guilty of the breach of the Law, and under the same penalty, as he that actually engages.
Does not your Conscience sting you for your ingratitude?
Conscience! we've got some Court Opium of you to lull that asleep.
SCENE The Court.
ACT III.
SCENE. I. A Prison.
Be true to thy Profit still say I Stephano. Ricardo has given me fifty checquins to release him, and says he'le save my throat, and be my friend at Court; when at the same time, her [...] are some come with Orders from the Vice-Roy to free him, which he knows not of. Again here's [Page 27] within young Antonio, who has given me a hundred more for his friend, the Lord Alberto: now 'tis a Sin to refuse Iove descending in a golden shower into my lap, and a greater Sin to be hang'd: Well Stephano lay thy wits together, and for once outwit a Statesman, and out-promise a Courtier.—who's there?
Sir, he's a little busy at present, and desires no noise near him; but if you'l be pleas'd to retire and wait at the door facing St. Iaques's, I'le conduct him to you strait.
Well make hast honest Jaylor:
I think I nick't it, just i'th nick: Wit and Pollicy together, that's too much for once; but now to my business
My Lord you may come out, if you please.
What means this mercy from my Jaylor?
O my Lord, no complements: but stay a little and I'le fetch you your sword.
Here's your accoutrements Sir; and he [...]e's a key which opens the back-door leading to Porto Sancto, make hast, lest you be discover'd and I suspected.
Fate niggard gives me happiness by halves, Since I'me unable to requite this goodness. But here's to reward thee.
I am sufficiently rewarded, my Lord, in my own conscience, and your Lordships innocency—
So much for him: but now go on and prosper still say I; I shall oblige 'em all three, and cheat 'em all three.
Why Sir, you may traverse your ground here in the dark, and go out without speaking to him, and at the door, I've plac'd some friends, that will Conduct you to the Vice-Roy, since you say you're sure of being wellcome to him.
Your friend Sir, will come out immediately:
Now I've got a hundred and fifty pieces, I'le fairly run away, and if I'me catch'd, 'tis better to be hang'd with satisfaction, then to go to the Gal [...]ows with a craving Stomach,
You shall be with your friend, ne're fear it: so farewell If I can hit the door.
SCENE The Pallace.
The Scene changes to a Yard behind the Prison.
Come my brave Friends let us attack these sawcy Walls that dare con [...]ine my Master, treacherously betray'd into the Nooze by a Cowardly Courtier.
What Courtier honest Lopez, I'le spit him upon the point of a needle, unless he be a friend to our Society, a modish, foppish one.
Nay, then I have him fast▪
'Tis he that has kept all this coil about fashions, who to please the Vice-Roy wou'd metamorphose us all into Spaniards, that is, wou'd cut your trade shorter by the sleeves.
Oh how my blood boils against the Villain! what turn us all into Children with hanging-sleeves? and clip our profit with the shears of his ambition and avarice? my blood's as hot, as if there were a 100. fleas stimulating my courage.
What's his name, that we may go on? men never commenc'd Heroes by talk but action. (Now I think on't these walls are tame things enough, they'le suffer a blow without returning it, nor are there any port-holes to kill a man unawares; if they within will be Civill, we'le deal most manfully with the o [...]t-guards.)
Pray give me leave—'Tis he who wou'd banish long Toledo, and wou'd bring in a new kind of a harmless Rapier of a foot and a half long to prevent duells—nay, he motion'd once, that Gentlemen shou'd wear wooden blades, so that we shou'd not have had a murder in a whole week.
O' the Villain, there's my occupation defunct; but who is it all this while?
No matter: now to our business, know you for what you came here?
Yes, to free your master.
Do you know how he came to prison?
Upon his legs; our business is to take him from it, and not to examine how he came to't.
Then where's the justice of your Cause?
In our Swords, where shou'd it be? Cause q [...]otha! why Lawyers deal with Causes, and they [...]re no fighting men.
Very wittily argu'd, but—soft, who [...]s here? are they friends or enemies? hark [...]ye my Lads▪ if these prove foes, stand [...]our ground stoutly; while I valiantly qui [...] mine.
Now Heroes, since we are embark't so far on this honourable expedition, let us consider further, what we have to do. This is all the contrivance of that damn [...]d Rascall Lopez.
Hum! 'tis Bernardo, come upon the same design with me, but I'le send him away—Come on friends, this is the Servant to that Courtier I told you of, come to release his master, and hinder our design: he has but two or three softheads with him; say, shall we let him?
No, no, knock him down, knock him down.
Hold, hold, I beg your pardon Seignior Lopez, what I said of you was but a complement in Masquerade.
You have it for that [...]ine expression; but now I must chastise you for something else.
Hold friend, I came not here to fight, nor am I at present in case to command my army; for I am as impotent as an Eunuch, or a Nobleman of fourscore, as hungry as a besieg'd City, and as dry as a Dutch Commentator.
You'l be the easier conquer'd: come we'l rid you of all your wants.
How?
By death Sawcy upstart; how dare you ask us questions?
Death! a pox on't, I care for't the least of any thing in the world: 'tis the very bane of greatness; a monster that devours more of all sorts at a meal, then Taylors halfpenny loaves and pickl'd cucumbers, or Usurers decay'd Gentlemen in a whole year.—Gentlemen, I thank you for your love▪ but I had rather continue my distemper than take such an Antidote.
O Rascall! he abuses our calling: my honour's concern'd now, and if you put it up—
Then am not I fit to command an army of brave Citizens. Come to your ranks; are you all ready? I begin to grow hoarse with this command, Hum, hum! what a thirsty thing this valour is?
What do you mean, will you force your remedies upon me?
Yes, if you won't take them civilly, or defend your self against them.
Come, will you chuse to dye in the bed of honour, or be buried alive in the grave of infamy?
I must think of some means to escape these valiant Dogs: Oh I have it now!
Generall Lopez, to save the innocent blood, let us decide our differences by single Combat, and engage upon our military honours, that our men shall not strike a stroke, till one of us falls.
Agreed, retire brave Soldiers
and d'ye hear when his party [...]s gone, come you forward and rescue your magnanimous Generall—Come Bernardo
With all our hearts, for 'tis cruelty not valour to fight when there's no need:
But how shall I trust you?
Upon my honour.
By all my Pedigree, by the first founder of our occupation.
A long Oath Mr. Taylor, stretch'd from the beginning of the world, 'twill hold—And now Lopez, since we are engag'd to make our men idle spectators, let's to our Combat—but it must be the next time we meet, and so farewell, ha, ha, ha!
Cowardly Dog! but 'tis the same thing: let's mind what we came for, and now how shall we contrive to release my Master?
Nay, look you to that:
Why I do look, and may look long enough for ought I see, before I finde any way: you shou'd have consider'd of that before-hand Mr. Thimble.
I am not such a fool to make my self mad.
Why then I think the war's done, so let every Man retire to his quarters—but then I loose the hope of a reward and may starve too— stay friends—yet I had better grow tall and strait by famine, than monstrous crooked by hanging: Besides there is a great deal of Pleasure in dying in a whole skin, and in this adventure I may be Carbonado'd— go get you home—but then my honour—a pox of honour, 'tis the most uncivill thing, it never consults a mans safety—upon mature deliberation, 'tis our will and pleasure that you either go or stay, and if you disobey in our last command, look to't.
Well this is a fortunate business, we shall be accounted Heroes, and be no more affronted by the Officers; nay, they'l tremble to appear before us; and cease to make assignations with our wives to our fa [...]es; again, Alberto will be ours for ever if he escape, and if not we are safe; and all without bringing our valour to the test, or once confronting the enemy. Come neighbours 'tis a rare adventure, ha, ha, ha!
Ay faith Neighbour so it is; ha, ha, ha!
Scene the Pallace-Yard.
Well I've dismist my popular Subjects, since there's no good to be done: my Master must weather to'ther night out, and perhaps he may sleep better there, for he'le not have the cruelty to wish his Mistress with him; when in the Palace, he'le tire the moon with his sighs and hei-hoes, devour a bed-post with embraces, and antidate all the reall pleasure by forehand wishes and imagination.
I've been considering of a remedy, if my Master will apply it; Can't he make use of my blew-ey'd Bianca, my delicate brown Angelica, or my sweet short-nos'd [...]ortia, and think that he has his mistriss in his Arms. I have heard [...]ome great Philosophers say, that all the pleasure of Women is but fancy, and can't he then as well fancy one woman for another, as fancy that to be a pleasure which is none. But whilst I think of him, I forget my self: I am very sleepy, and must take up with the large Canopy of Heaven for once: Well in the name of Satan, I'le lock up my doors, and converse with my self for a while:
Ha! who's that? Now if this shou'd be the Devill come to take me before my time, what a pickle shou'd I be in: well I'le cheat the grand Cheater for once, for I'le lye as if I was Dead, that he may go back to hell, and see for my Soul, and in the mean time I'le escape.
First Master Devill, I must own you to be a Demon of Quality, by your good manners, that you come in a shape so familiar to me, and that you don't bring Hell with you in your eyes: But as for being my Master, you know I have serv'd him faithfully in this World, and 'tis too hard to serve him in both, at least till I am dead, and as pure a Spirit as he, and it is not fair, that an honest Devill, as I hope you are, shou'd stretch my service beyond the limits of Matrimony.
Prithee, [...]e not so impatient, but hear me out, an hungry Judge, or Guardian Usurer wou'd be more conscientious than you: if you be come to punish me for my telling of the Challenge, I answer, that truly I did designe to prevent your fighting, but was or'eheard a plotting, by your friend Ricardo.
Ha! Ricardo?
Ay Sir, for he swore h [...]'d blunt your adversaries sword with his blood; so I trusting your safety to him, retir'd. This is the Sum of what I have to say in my own defence, and I refer my Cause to a Jury of Spirits, but let 'em appear invisibly, and if they finde me guilty, condemn me to the Gallies of Acheron, if not, resign your black Habeas corpus, and sign my acquittance by immediate vanishing.
Well, so I wou'd, if I were so stout—but I'le make up that [Page 38] with policy—upon these conditions, I'le approach; first, that you do not breath upon me, and infect me with the air of Hell; 2 dly. That when I'm close to you, you don't contract your self into a mouthfull of air, then leap down my throat, and by inspiration get me with Child of a young Belzebub.
Well, i'le take your word for once:—his worships well drest flesh and blood upon my life—but are you sure you are alive, Sir?
Hum—your pardon Seignior, a wiser man than I might mistake, finding you here at this time of night, and so expert as to break thro' your prison walls.
'Tis my masters voice; what do you mean? If you are not the Devill, I think the Devil's in you: now I'le be hang'd if this be not some Smock-quarrell; a pox upon all women, but Whores I say! Murder, help, help, Murder, Murder!
Sir, I've b [...]en guilty, and I cry peccavi, and I hope I shall before I've done, make you cry so, to this fair Lady, and that Gentleman. Ricardo's man gave me a Note which he said dropt out of his Masters pocket; I read it and found it a Challenge from Antonio to you: now suspecting that to be the occasion of your quarrell, I kept it up, and here 'tis for you; the rest I'le tell you anon.
Now Sir, pray hear me, when you were gone, I was studying to prevent your Duell, but Ricardo (how led there to hear me, the Devil and he best knows) came sneaking behind me, and o're-heard me talking to my self, then told me that he understood your design of Fighting with Antonio, which he said he wou'd prevent, so desir'd me to Entrust him with your Safety, S [...]ring (enough to damn him, if false) that you were his dearest Friend, and that when your twatling-strings broke, his heart-strings wou'd crack, the rest you know better then I.
If I was not afraid of being hang'd for my policy I wou'd contrive to countermine this fellow.
We are thine for ever Lopez if thou dost.
Why then Sir, lend me that Suit of Cloaths which you have on, with which I'le personate you for a while (I hope you're not offended at the Comparison) then I'le seek out Bernardo, his Servant, whom I will so pump and wire-draw, that you may see through his Master, but leave me [...]o manage the rest.
It has a face indeed.
The Fourth ACT.
SCENE I. The Pallace.
SCENE A Garden.
Well, now I have gotten these Cloaths on, methinks I'me as grea [...] a Person as my Master, and for ought I know, 'tis the comely person within makes the Gentleman, according to the Proverb, fine Birds make fine Feathers: Let me see—
Clean Limbs, handsome gait, Noble appearance! pitty these qualifications shou'd be thrown away upon a Serving-Man: Well, if my face answers these, 'twill grieve me to retire to my primitive Rascallity, and that this bulk of Nobility shou'd dwindle to a Valet.
Heavens defend me! Seignior Lopez I shou'd as soon think it were an Angel: now will I exercise my parts upon my self, for such an Object must needs inspire Oratory, tho' I am brim-full of it already. Seignior, if Iupiter had borrow'd one of your eyes for a dark Lanthorn, he might have fought his Enemies with a double advantage: ( answers) O Dear Sir, a little clear and sharp indeed I must confess; I make use of 'em sometimes for my diversion to wound and kill poor silly Ladies, but for the rest—Nay good sweet Seignior, you ravish me with the Excellency of your gestures: every part of you dances, as it were, to the Musique of the Spheres, and swims like the Lambent fires above in a Caelestial motion. O Seignior—
Ha! interrupted? what Malicious Star envi'd me the happiness of hearing my self prais'd by so accomplisht a person of honour as— Seignior Lopez.
I have a good mind to tell him to his face, he's a very uncivil person, and to make good what I said, if he threatens to beat me, i'le beg his pardon. But then he'de discover who I am: no, no, that must not be.
So, is he gone? pox of his kindness: what's here! My voice has alarm'd some of the Counrtiers, but I'le send 'em away like fools as they come, I warrant 'em.
So, I find I shall have now the whole Court about me: but i'le prepare my self to receive 'em: I may thank my self for letting the sword run betwixt my arms▪ I had been spoil'd else; I think I defended my self as if I had eyes behind. Well now for my Glass; I fear this bus'ness has disorded me—pox o' your ill-breeding to spoil a good face, and tumble ones perriwig and Crevat: I must not be seen in this pickle, therefore i'le go home and new vamp my [...]elf. A plague of this Nobility, if for a fine Coat one must be continually in danger of having his throat cut, or spitted thro' the loins like a Spar-rib of Pork. I'de rather be hang'd than dye an untimely death, there's no satisfaction in't; but see they are coming, 'twere best for me to be gone, lest I be taken, and put in the bakers pulpit for counterfeiting.
ACT V.
SCENE I.
LOpez have you perform'd, what you engag'd to do? For in that riddle is my fate Entangl'd.
I have Sir.
Thou hast! that word is Musick to my Soul.
But first Sir, as a reward, satisfy my inquisitiveness, and inform me what trick you've got to break thro' Prisons, and shake off your fetters thus?
Well Sir, I have unlockt Bernardo's tongue too, but without a Fee; in short, he has laid all his Masters damn'd Villany as open to me, as if he had been Ricardo, and I his Ghostly Father; he has confirm'd your suspitions of the Note, and moreover his Masters hiring some hackny bloud-hounds; (whose game is death, and reward Damnation) to murder you▪
Where is he Sir? why I have done with him as spunging Courtiers do with their Clients, squeez'd all the honey out, and then thrown away the useless comb, and the Drone that made it:
This was a treacherous trick Lopez, but I'le forgive you, if you'l make good your promise.—Sir since it must be so, I here stand ready to witness all that I have said.
Ay Sir, the Devill and your Gold will help him out,
ne're fear it; tho' every word were false: