HAving well considered the worth of these witty sayings, I shall not hold a Candle (as it were) to the Sun, by writing an Epistle, the work in it self being a Store-house of excelent use both for Wit and Wisdom.

Apophthegm 1. Afflictions cannot be esteemed with wise and godly men any argument of sin in an innocent person, more then the impurity of wicked men is amongst good men any sure token of innocency.

2. That in the direct worship of God himself we ought to be guided by the word of God, and not otherwise, but in the form and order of Ceremonies, that indeed is solely left to the Church.

3. When the King first entered the Castle of Ragland, the Marquess kissed the Kings hand, and rising up again he saluted his Majesty with this comple­ment, My Lord, I am not worthy: the King replyed unto the Marquess, my Lord, I may well answer you again, I have not found so great faith in Israel, for no man would trust me with so much mony as you have done: to which the Marquess replyed, I hope your Majesty will prove a Defender of the Faith.

4. Prepare for war when thou prepoundest for peace, otherwise thy peace will be hardly obtained, or too highly prized, whatever thy first Article be, let dis­banding, be the last. A cunning Curre, though he wag his tail will shew his teeth, the best Treaty is with a drawn sword, and the safest peace is concluded under a Buckler.

5. When King Charls had made his repair to Raegland, after the Battell of Naseby, taking occasion thank the Marquess for some money lend his Maiesty, the Marquess returned his Majesty this answer, Sir I had your word for my money, but I never thought I should be soon repaid, for now you have given me thanks, I have all I look for.

6. The lower sort of people are desirous of novelties, and apt for change weighing Government with the scales of their own fortune, they are too sen­sible of evils in present, to fear worse in future, let such know they move in their particular orbs, not in the common sphere, and that the alteration in the heavens make no star greater, which way soever the change moves, a Cobler shall be but a Cobler still.

7. It is a Princely alchimy out of necessary wars to extract an honourable Peace, and more beseeming the Majesty of a Prince to thirst after Peace then Conquest. Blessedness is promised to the Peace-maker, not to the Conqueror. It is a happy State whose peach hath a peacefull hand, and a martiall heart, able both to use peace, and to manage War.

8. His Majesty being very well grounded in the true Protestant Religion, in a Discourse concerning Sectaries, said truly, That there were but two good sentences in a Sectaries Sermon, the first of necessity good, which is the Text, the second by consequent, which is the end, and thereby an end of an imperti­nent Discourse.

9. Sir Henry Bard, who was Lord Bellamount, coming into the Hall of Rag­land, and seeing so many Tables furnished with food, and feeders, sware that his Majesty had a plot to destroy that Family first, in borrowing all the old mans [Page 3] money, and then in coming thus to eat up his victuals: which his Majesty hear­ing smiled at: but the Marquesse asked the man who made the relation unto him, of what Garrison the Lord Bellamount was Governour; it was told his Lordship, that he was Governour of Cambden house; the Marquesse replyed, that when the King had done as he said, that then his Majesty might go to his Garrison, and there he might have Cambdens Remains.

10. There be three sorts of Government, Monarchical, Historical, Demo­cratical, and they are apt to fall three several wayes into ruine. The first by Tyranny, the second by Ambition, the last by tumult. A Commonwealth grounded upon any of these, is but of short continuance, but being wisely mingled, either guard the other, and makes the Government exact.

11. In the war, the King came to a Castle, and told the Lord thereof, that he thought not to have stayed with his Lordship above three dayes, but his occasion requiring a longer stay, and considering that it was a Garrison, and that his pro­vision might be spent by so great a pressure, was willing his Lordship should take what provision the Countrey would afford for his present maintenance, and recruir: to which his Lordship answered, I humbly thank your Majesty, but my Castle will never stand long, if it leans upon the Countrey, and I had ra­ther be brought to a morsell of bread, then any morsels of bread should be brought in to entertain your Majesty.

12. Sir Thomas Somerset, brother to the Marquesse of Worcester, had a house which they called Troy, five miles from Ragland Castle: this Sir Thomas being a compleat Gentleman of himself, delighted himself much in fine Gardens and Orchards, whereby the benefit of art the earth was made so gratefull to him at the same time, that the King happened to be at his brothers house, that it yielded him wherewithall to send his brother Worcester a present, and such an one as the time and place considered was able to make the King to believe, that the Soveraign of the Planets had new changed the Poles, and that Wales, the re­fuse and outcast of the fair Garden of England, had fairer and riper fruit then England bowels had on all her beds, this presented to the Marquesse, the Mar­quesse would not suffer to be presented to the King, by any other hand then his own, in comes the Marquesse at the latter end of Supper, led by the arm, with a slow pace, expressing much a Spanish gravity, with a silver dish in each hand filled with rarities, and a little basket on his arm, as a reserve, where making his obeysance, he thus speaks, May it please your Majesty, if the four Ele­ments could have been rob'd to have entertained your Majesty, I think I had but done my duty; but I must do as I may, if I had sent to Bristol for some good things to entertain your Majesty, that had been no wonder at all, If I had procured from London some goodness, that might have been acceptable to your Majesty, but here I present your Majesty (placing his dishes upon the Table) with what, that came not from Lincoln, that was not London, that is not York that is to be, but I assure your Majesty, that this present came from Troy: whereupon the King smiled, and answered the Marquesse, Truly my Lord, I have heard, That corn now grows where Troy Town stood, but I never thought [Page 4] there had grown any apricocks there before. Whereupon the Marquess replyed, any thing to please your Majesty: when my Lord Marquesse departed the pre­sence, one told his Lordship, that he would make a very good Courtier, the Marquesse said I remember I said one thing that may give you some hopes of me, Any thing to please your Majesty.

13. The first night his Majesty came into Ragland Castle, the King desired to see the great Tower, where his Lordship did use to keep his Treasure, his Majesty spake unto Doctor Baily then standing by to fetch the Keyes; he ran down to the Marquesse and acquainted him with the Kings pleasure, who would needs bring them to the King, and shew him the Tower himself: when the King saw the Marquesse bringing the keyes himself, he thus spake unto the Marquesse, My Lord, there are some men so unreasonable, as to make me be­lieve, that your Lordship hath good store of gold yet left within this Tower, but I knowing how I have exhausted you, together with your own occasions could never have believed it until now I see you will not trust the keyes with any but your self: to which the Marquesse made this reply, Sir, I was so far from giving your Majesty any such occasion of thought by this tender of my duty, that I protest unto you, that I was once resolves that your Majesty should have lain there, but that I was loath to commit your Majesty to the Tower.

14. When the King first entred the gates of Ragland, the Marquess deliver­ed his Majesty the keyes according to the ordinary custome the King restoring them to the Marquesse, the Marquesse said, I beseech your Majesty to keep them if you please, for they are in a good hand, but I am afraid that ere it be long, I shall be forced to deliver them into the hands of who will spoil the Complement.

15. King Charls coming to Ragland, when the tall Cedar of our Lebanon was brought so low, and those Sycomores flourished when the Royal Oak was in the fall of the leaf, it happened that his Majesty was at Bowls upon Ragland Castle Green, a place proudly situated, where after he had ended his Recreation, his Majesty was pleased to delight himself with observing the Countrey round about, it happened, that one Prichard, the Kings partner at bowls, presuming more up­on his good bowling, then good manners, continued that familiarity that should have ended with the rubbers, shewing the King where his house stood, and told his Majesty he must look through the wood, and he might see a white thing, and that was it: moreover acquainted his Majesty what the Lord of Wor­cester had advised him, viz. to cut down some of those trees, that the house might plainly be discerned from the Green, whereby his Lordship when he wan­ted a good bowler might make a sign, and so have him at a beck: to which the King replyed, Mr. Prichard, let me give you better advise, put up more trees where the trees are so thin, that my Lord of Worcester may not see thy house at all. The Marq. of Worcester supposing the King had dreamed of this greediness, of purchasing all the Land which was near unto him, shewed his Majesty a row of trees, and told the King, that beyond that row of trees stood a pretty Tene­ment, and because he would not have Naboths vineyard to be an eye-sore to him, he had planted those trees to hoodwink his eyes from such temptations.

1. The Marquess had a mind to tell the King as handsomely as he could of some of his (as he thought) faults, and thus he contrived his plot against the time, that his Majesty was wont to give his Lordship a visit, as commonly he used to do after dinner, his Lordship had the book of John Gower lying before him on the Table, the King casting his eye upon the book, told the Marquess, that he had never seen it before, O said the Marquess, it is a book of books, which if your Majesty had been well versed in, it would have made you a King of Kings, Why so my Lord, said the King? Why said the Marquess, here is set down how Aristotle brought up and instructed Alexander the great in all his rudiments and principles belonging to a Prince; and under the persons of Alex­ander and Aristotle, he read the King such a lesson, that all the standers by were amazed at his boldness, and the King supposing that he had gone further then his Text would have given him leave, asked the Marquess, whether he had his lesson by heart, or whether he spake out of the book: the Marquess replyed, Sir, if you could read my heart, it may be, you might find it there, or if your Majesty please to get it by heart, I will lend it you upon these conditions, 1. That you read it, 2. That you make use of it: but perceiving how some of the new made Lords fretted and bit the thumbs, at certain passages in the Marquesses discourse he thought a little to please his Majesty, though he displeased them, the men who were so much displeased already protesting unto his Majesty, that no man was so much for the absolute power of a King, Aristotle, desiring the book out of the King he would shew him one remarkable passage to that purpose, turn­ing to that place, that had this verse, viz.

A King can kill, a King can save, A King can make a Lord a knave, And of a knave a Lord also. Whereupon there were divers new made Lords slunk out of the room, on which the King said, At this rate you will drive away all my Nobilty.

2. The Marquesse travelling, was as he thought surprized by enemies, but re­covering the top of a high mountain, by the advantage of the ground, he could see the enemy marching off another way, at which sight the Marquess dwelt with his eyes a little longer upon that object then the L. John Somerset his Son thought convenient, whereunto the Marquess answered, O Son, I love to see my own danger, especially when it is marching off.

3. The Earl of Worcester travelling towards Ragland, at a certain Inne in a poor town, where he lay, by the carelesness of servants left behind him 1000 l. in Gold, being hid under a bench, and forgot to be taken away, the money was never missed untill they came to their journeys end at night, and it being told my Lord that so much was missing, and where they had left it, my Lord made no other words of it but these, You talk of a cheap reckoning, but I never paid so dearly for a nights lodging in all my life: who would think that a man should leave so much money behind him in such a lowsie Inn? On that stood by at that time told the Marquesse, that it was a hundred to one if ever he h [...]d of his money again, it was such a beggerly house, O Peace, said the Marquesse, [Page 6] if they will not be known of the mony, you shall see it will be a brave Inne in a short time: this mony was sent after, and very honestly restored, and deliver­ed into the messengers hands that came for it. Being brought unto the Marquess, there was much wondering at the honesty of the woman of the house, others praised the whole town seeing it was generally known. The Marquess told them, It may be the town never saw so much mony before, and therefore they knew not what to make of it.

5. The Earl of Clamorgan, the Marquess of Worcesters eldest son, accom­panied with divers of high rank and quality, as they were on their journey for Ireland, quartered in the town of Carnarvan, a Sea Town in North Wales, where they were entertained with discourse at the Table, by some of the County Gentlemen, who informed them of the falling of an old Welch Prophesie at that very time and place, which was viz. That there should come a magpy, and build her nest in the Crown, then should come a Jackdaw, and beat away the magpy, and after that there should come a Buzzard, that should beat away the Jackdaw, and then there should be seen no Crown, but that of thorns up­on the Kings head, at last there should come a Band of men from a far Coun­trey, and take away the thorns and then the Crown should appear again: this they said, was thus hitherto accomplished, viz. Over the gate of Carnarvan Castle, there was the picture of King Edward the first, in full proportion, with a Crown upon his head, there did come a magpy, and did build her nest in the said Kings Crown, and a Jackdaw did beat away the magpy, and the Buzzard the Jackdaw: this we assure your honour to be true; for all our Townsmen have observed it. Dinner being ended, they all went unto the Castle gate, being greedy to satisfie their eyes with the sight, as well as their ears with the Relation; where being come they beheld the sight, the nest being disordered by the fighting of the combatants, and the materials of the nest made such a mournfull aspect, as if they had been Arti­ficially pleated upon the Kings head. The Earl of Clamorgan could not en­dure the sight but straightway commanded the nest to be pulled down, the ma­terialls of which was such, as never any bird builded her nest with, viz. White thorn: the story being related to the Marquess of Worcester, after some pause he said, that is the nick-name, which the Roundheads use to give the Bishops: and none about him guessing at his meaning, he said, as I take it, they used to call the Bishops magpies, whom they reproach for building their nests in the Crown, then came the Presbyterian Jackdawes, and beat them out, and the next thing that you shall see, will be the Independent Buzzards, which drive them away, and who comes next God knows: but asking further whether it was an open or an Imperiall Crown, answer being made that it was open, O then, said the Marquess, that was the reason the Kings Crown was too open, had it been close at top with the Crosse over head, such unlucky birds could never have come there to have built their nests.

6. Antisthines being asked of one what learning was most necessary for mans life, answered, To unlearn that which is nought.

[Page 7] 7. The Marquess talking of an old drunken fellow, who having used his body to disorder in drinking all his life time, at last giving it over, presently dyed, Oh said the Marquess, If you take a brand out of the fire, that is throughly burnt it will fall in pieces, but if you let it ly there still, it may remain a pretty while be­fore it turn to a [...]hes.

8. During the Siege of Ragland, there came a Musket Bullet in at the Win­dow of the withdrawing room, where my Lord was used to entertain his friends with his pleasant discourses after Dinners and Suppers, which glancing upon? little Marble pillar of the window, and from thence hit the Marquess upon the side of the head, and fell down flatted uppon the Table, which breaking in pie­ces the Pillar, made such a noise in the rome, that the Countess of Glamorgan who stood in the same window, run away, as if the house had been falling down upon her head, crying out O Lord, O Lord, but finding her self more afraid then hurt, she returned back again, no lesse excusing her self, as she was plea­sed to call it rudenesse to her Father, then acknowledging her fears to all the company: to whom the Marq. said, Daughter, you had reason to run away when your Father was knockt on the head, and pausing some while, and turning the flatted bullet round with his finger, he further said, Gentlemen, Those who had a mind to flatter me, were wont to tell me, that I had a good head-piece in my youn­ger dayes, but if I do not flatter my self, I think I have a good head-piece in my old age, or else it would not have been musket proof.

9. There was a young and beautiful Lady, who was shewing the Marquesse, that the Colours that hung on such a Tower, was one of the Curtains of her bed. To which he replyed, Madam. I would you would set the little boy that uses to stand behind that Curtain, on the top of that Tower, that we may see whe­ther or no he would drive away all those men with his Bow and Arrows. To which the Lady replyed, Cupid never raised a siege in his life, but he hath taken many a strong hold: Then said my Lord, I shall tell you how you shall make yours impregnable. How my Lord said the Lady? He said unto he, Whatsoever you see a handsome young man be sure you shut your eyes, or else he will take the Fort of your Virginity, fl [...]ing in at your Windows.

10. The Marquess was one day reading of us a Lecture of patience in our ad­versity: amongst the rest of those witty Sayings which came from him, he told us that there was nothing so bad, but it was good for something; for said he if there were no silence there would be no Musick; for the sudden stops which are in Musick adde to the grace & perfection of the Art. Ignorance is a spur to Knowle [...]ge, Da [...]kness a Pavilion to the Almighty, A Cabbinor Drawn Cham­ber for us to sleep in. A Dungion for the Judge to punish his Delinquents, and a foil for the Painter to make his shadows: so are afflictions good for our instru­ctions, and adversities for our amendments.

11. When it was told the Marquess, that some would warrant him that if he would, he might be Duke of Somerset, he made them this Reply, When I was E. of Worcester I was well to live, since I was a Marq. I am worse by one hun­dred thousand pounds, and if I should be a Duke, I should be an arrant Beggar; [Page 8] wherefore I had rather if I might go back again to my Earldom, `then at this rate keep on my pace to the Dukedom of Somerset.

12. After much conference betwixt the Marq. and Gen. Fairfax, wherein [...]any things were requested of the Gen. by the Marquess, and being as he thought himself happy in the attainment, his Lordship was pleased to make a merry Pe­tition to the General, as he was taking his leave, viz. in the behalf of a couple of young Pigeons, which were wont to come to his hand, and feed out of it con­stantly, in whose behalf he desired the General that he would be pleased to give him his Protection for them, fearing the little command that he should have over his Souldiers in that behalf. To which the General said I am glad to see your Lordship so merry. Oh said the Marquess, you have given me no other cause; for I resolved to undergo even the worst of evils you were able to lay on me before ever I took up Arms for my Sovereign, therefore wonder not that I am so merry.

12. Vespasian asked of Apollonius what was the cause of Nero's ruin; who answered, That Nero could tune the Harp well, but in Government he did al­waies wind up the strings too high, or let them down to low.

14. Some men have so much of the Serpents subtilty, that they forget the Doves simplicity.

15. Justice should be blind and friendly, it is not by it, that those that be in Authority should reward their friends, or crosse their enemies.

16. misfortunes are not acceptable in any kind, yet those are endured with most ease, that come rather by destiny than deserving.

17. The Marquesse of Worcester, called for a glasse of Claret Wine, it was told him by his Physician that Claret wine was nought for his Gout, the Marq. replyd, what my old friend Claret? Nay, give it me in spight of all Physicians and their Books, it never shall be said, that I forsook my friend for to pleasure my enemy.

18. When it was told his Lordship not long before he dyed, that leave was obtained by the Parliament, that he might be buried in Windsor Castle, within the great Chappel, and wherein divers of his Ancestors ly buried, with some spritlinesse he spake aloud, God bless us all, why then I shall take a better Castle when I am dead, then they take from me whilst I was alive.

19. The Marq. being weak in body, and told by some friends, that when he was dead they would Petition for mony to bury him, He replyed, Then will they appoint those to dispose of the time and manner of my burial, and you shall see that they, being it is so near the good time, will cause me to be buried according to the Directory in spite of Christmas day, upon Christmas and so they did.