Cicero was wont to say, ‘ Non Recte amat Ʋxorem, qui corpus amat potius quam animum.’ That is, He doth not love his second self rightly, that loves the parts of her body, rather then the gifts of her Mind.
MArriage is my Theam, and I cannot but look at Happiness, and I think it is a very great Blessing, when the hand of Providence bestows on Mortals, a suitable conjunction of Vertuous and Good Conditions in VVed-lock, without which parity none can be really happy therein: And they know not what marriage is that onely know how to lust. I shall not stand to Comment, but will come nearer to my present Condition. I was unwilling to write at all, but I will not write much. It was my happy, unhappiness, about the 25th. day of March last, accidentally to happen into the House, where that (in some things worthy) unworthy Woman was, she being in the Company of a Person or two of Honour; of whose being there when I was informed, I was willing to return an acknowledgment of my Gratefulnesse, for then late received Courtesies, It being the first oppertunity that was offered to me, after the receit of them; Among whom also I was willing and did spend some time for a diversion. She, as She hath protested to many persons several times since, at my entring of the room, was suddenly possessed with a strange kind of an affectionate passion, and could not satisfy her self till she had made a strict enquiry who I was; nor did it cease there, for presently after She imployed a Friend of mine to desire the Continuance of my Company, as She hath since declared.
Here I thought good to insert the Original of our acquaintance, that [Page 4] the world may the better perceive her cheating designe: though it hath pleased the scurrilous Scribler, that either hath no name, or else is ashamed of it, in a late Pamphlet to demonstrate a very great Friendship to that Distressed Lady, as his Pedantick Pen terms her; and though he speaks without Book, as most if not all do besides him; yet he endeavous to make it credible that it was She that carried on a humour and my Relations wi [...]h my self a Designe, which I deny on both sides, and here attest, that not any of them to whom I owe the Duty of a Son, or the Love of an own Brother, did ever see her until many dayes after Contraction, nay not untill three dayes before Marriage, and then never entertained any discourse to promote, but rather to hinder the Proceedings; For She of her own accord, upon a Visit she gave them, told them of her Affection and Intention and did Politickly and freely declare to them her Great Birth and Fortune. But to return to our first Acquaintance; I understanding her Fancy, and finding those Excellent parts she was possessed with, cold do no lesse, then poize things in my mind: And considering her Endowments, supposed that she wanted nothing that might cause a likeing, nor had she any Defect, that might procure a loathing. I pressed her to the Reason of her Fancy, She replied Love gives none. I minded her of the Inequality between mine, and her then thought High Descended Birth and Fortune: She Answered Love knows none. I Objected again, (she telling me, that she ever Related to me the least of both) and put Cases of great Danger, to be called in Question, beyond all Law; She Replyed, Love knows no Lawes; Let her Judgement alone to secure both. Her Wit did more and more Charm me, Her Qualities deprived me of my own; Her Courteous behaviour, Her Majestick Humility to all Persons, in all her Actions, Her Emphatical Speeches, Kind and Loving Expressions, and amongst other things, her High Detestation and Checks to an untruth, though Jestingly uttered by any; Her great Zeal to her Religion, her Modest Confidence, and Grace in all Companies, seating the knowledge of none; Her variety of Tongues; Her neat limned, and ready answers to all, and all manner of Objections, that I, or the most Critical Person in the World, (without disparaging any ones Judgement) could in point of Honor, make and put to her, whereby to discover her, she would so Nobly, and Seriously Salve, that she left no room for Suspition; Which did not onely work the belief in me, (that hath wrapped me in this present Misfortune) But also in many Persons of great Wisdome, Gravity, and Quality; All which in a growing Acquaintance and Conversation, [Page 5] did encrease our Credit. She desired nothing of me but my Love, (And that as She told me and others was alwayes her intention to Marry a Private Gentleman, whom She could Love, that She might oblige him highly to love her by her Nobility and Estate;) An Excellent bait indeed) And I thought She did nobly deserve that. She ever protested a Fervent Love, and I could not promise an unfaithful. And finding in her so Noble a Perfection, who could mistrust a reall Affection and Intention? None but did Esteem her Pearlesse in all qualities of mind. Who could have called her Honour and Honesty into question, when they both, (I must say seemingly) were so great? But the Scene was soon changed, though I could not so soon believe it. And in a strange manner there was a suddain discovery of the truth, which is too long a story to insert here, though in a short time it was made appear that She was such a cheating person, as before a Majestrate She was proved to be. Such a suddain alteration, might (like those that looked on Medusae's Head) have turned me into a Stone; I could hardly put out my former belief; Nay I protest, when I seriously reflect on all the passages of her former Expressions & Actions (not in the least thinking of the last Act) I can believe still; For what person living, that is a Christian, or bears the name only, or knows the meaning of that title (which She in a High manner did own) Nay, what Turk, Jew, Infidel or Heathen that sees, wonders at, and Worships the Sun, Moon and Stars, and that never heard the Name of the Great Jehovah, could Counterfeit and Religiously glosse over so many haynous and detestable Crimes, without fear of a suddain and mighty Judgement? Sure she thought to Hood-wink Divine Providence: The Devil himself, that old Sophister, might be cheated by her, but that he is so well acquainted with her. Without doubt he would have trembled to have invoked those Direful Judgements which She wisht might befall her, upon clearing some doubts, if such things were not true, which are as false as God is true. And amongst all her Protestations I will name only one, which was the onely thing we desired to know the truth of, that was this, upon the Attestation of one or two strangers to us, who upon the first sight knew her, she having lodged at their Houses; they related of her several Husbands she had living; We pressed her to speak the truth, and in the presence of several persons upon her knees, she wisht for a sudden Judgement to befal her, and that she might Eternally hang in Hell (for so were her words) if ever she was Contracted, Married to, or knew any man besides my self. Oh Miserable Creature! I hear so many things dayly of her of truth enough, that I think [Page 6] she hath the best part of a score, and she hath [...] the best part of a Hundred persons of good Worth, and others; I dare not [...] what, least I run into extreams; it is enough, I now find her Honour Dishonour, her Protestations Pretences, her Faithfulness Fickleness; and though her Policy did undermine me, her practises, will over-throw herself. Who would have imagined that deceit, the Divels great bait, should have lodged here, or that so Noble a mind (though She hath basely Acted) should descend of such an Ignoble Race, or that so great and Discerning a Capacity should proceed of so base and undeserving Progeny? Base indeed, for her Father in Law (her grand Agent and factor) did in the presence of a person of quality, and another Gentleman and myself, upon our entring into discourse of the News of London, when we left it, and of the great Cheat, and so proceeding in the story of it, he fell into such a great rage, and said, It was no News to him, for he was in Town all along, and was with her in the Prison that day she was Committed, and declared her Name, and that She was his Daughter in Law, for it will be known said he; That unworthy low spirited, though hot sottish-headed fellow deserves a further strictExamination. I need not relate where he lives, nor what he is, former Prints speak truth in that. But to return to her, the World still finds in her the same Wit, and they will shortly find lesse honesty then any did Imagine: would She had less Wit, and I better fortune; but though my won affections have stung my self and fortunes, they shall kill neither. Had she been but honest, I should have taken her discourses of Nobility and Wealth, but as a neat Romance to glosse over the want of a happy being, which my Relations and my self did really inform her, she should have, could she vindicate and prove her honesty. Would her High pretended Honour had been but reall intended honesty. I am not alone in the Cheats of Marriage, (for I believe scarce one in twenty proves true, and answers all Expectations) though perhaps not in so high a nature. There are many Presidents higher then this, nay more then I mean to recollect: Menalaus after his ten years War won but a strumpet. There is nothing new under the Sun, though new to them that suffer it. I can now shake hands with my Old Grand-site Adam, and say with him, The Woman beguiled me, and I did, &c. I could pitty her rather then punish her, and yet the Law must punish her, because she did not pitty her self, knowing how narrowly she hath escaped the Execution of Judgement after her former Tryall. The faitest fly is soonest taken in the spiders Web. Indeed she weaved a fine one to catch me, it is well if she hangs not her self in it. I trusting [Page 7] to her outward [...] was betraid by her inward treachery. But though she [...] me, she hath not overcome me; and the chiefest Victory will be, that I can overcome my self, and prevent the dangerous consequences and sad effects that unhappy accidents and discontents might cause. My sore, though it be angry I can salve it; And indeed, as it argues much folly in any person to let the Afflictions and Censures of the World come so near ones heart, as to set out or inslame ones blood, so it is a great part of wisdom in my Estimation to suffer admittance so near as to raise ones spirits to understand an affliction by a serious consideration and reflexion. How mixed with mercies, and in the Highest way we Mortals can retaliate, (if I may so speak) to return and expresse a holy gratitude to Divine protection: for we must so bear our afflictions, that as our grief may not utterly deject us, so we must have the sence to feel and apprehend it: All the actions of a mans life, are mixt with bitter ingrediences, like Chequer-work, black and white. There is no armour against our fates, and they are as uncertain as unevitable. I am contented with mine, and I hope now the bitter part of my fortune is past, I may once tast the sweet; if not, I shall be contented, knowing from whose hand it comes; I am satisfied, that as I have done nothing dishonestly, so I care for no reports.
Qui injuriam faciunt infaeliciores sunt quam qui patiuntur.
It is better to be Passive then Active in an Injury.
BUt I have exceeded my Intention, and unless I mean to make a Chronicle of the whole, must stop all further expression. And here I would end, but upon second thoughts, in point of Reputation, I find my self engaged highly, to take greater notice of abuses done to others my Acquaintance then to my self; and now I must be angry, for it concerns me to be so, and it should quickly be seen that the fancy pen of that Audacious and Injurious Libeller should soon be cut by several persons, were it but known where that Corrupted and Diseased soul hath its being, which shall not want for a strict enquiry. I wonder how he durst presume to insert in his Libel termed (The Ladies Vindication) the name of that Virtuous and Noble Lady which I will not here denominate. The Salt-water Grave Cox-comb hath published it too much already; Or that his Confidence should permit him to discover any thing of her Actions in Hide-Park, which though there may be [Page 8] some little thing of truth, yet it is falsely set out. And indeed I am much troubled that that deceitful woman, to whom I then thought my self Related, knowing her own Condition, should offer to play upon that Worthy Ladyes Civility, And I cannot but take notice that this base Detractor should be so impudent as to throw a dart against that deserving Gentleman my Friend, that performed the sacred Office of Matrimony. I am not willing to insert any ones Name, you may understand me by description. Who prompt him to insert the report of a double Marriage? And that Politick lye of so great a gratuity as fifteen pounds; I will not satisfie his weak brain what it was, it is enough to let him know that my friend was satisfied, and I did so much as became a Gentleman.
Lastly, I will clear but one thing more as to her Name, by which she was Contracted and Married to me, which was Henrietta Maria De Wollway, though she hath since learned so much Confidence as to deny it, or else some one for her; And here I make a full stop, wishing all the World better fortune.