IN the year 1548. when the glori­ous Sun of the Gospel was but newly risen in Eu­rope; in the days of the raign of Edward, the Sixth of that name, King of ENGLAND: In the Territorie, and under the Iurisdiction of the City of Venice, being the very border of Italy, in the town of Citta­della, [Page 2] lived one Francis Spira, a Civill Lawyer, an Advocate of great rank and esteem, be­ing of known learning, and e­loquence; of great experience; of carriage circumspect and se­vere; his speech grave and composed; his countenance sharpe and austere; every way befitting that authority wher­unto he was advanced; endow­ed with outward blessings, of wife, and eleven children, and wealth in abundance: what his worst parts were, I have no other warrant then his own words, which (if not tainted overmuch with the bitterness of a desperate minde, and bea­ring the countenance rather of passion, then of sober confessi­on) may seem to adde a pe­riod to all further commen­dations.

[Page 3] I was (saith he) excessive­ly covetous of mony, and ac­cordingly I applied my self to get by injustice, corrupting ju­stice by deceit, inventing tricks to delude justice: good causes I either defended deceitfully, or sold them to the adversary per­fidiously; ill causes I maintai­ned with all my might; I wit­tingly opposed the known truth, and the trust commuted unto mee, I either betrayed or per­verted. Thus having worn out forty four yeares, or there abouts, and the news of the new, or rather newly re­vived opinions of Luther comming into those parts, re­presented an object of novelty unto him; who being as desi­rous to know, as he was famous for knowledg; suffered not these wandring opinions to [Page 4] pass unexamined; but search­ing into the Scriptures, and in­to all books of Controversie that he could get, both old and new; and finding more then fame or opinion, he began to taste their nature so well, as he entertains, loves, and ownes them at length; and with such zeal, as he became a professor, yea a teacher of them; first to his wife, children, and fami­ly; and after to his friends, and familiar acquaintance; and in comparison, seemed to neg­lect all other affaires; inten­ding ever to press this main point, that We must wholly, and only depend one the free, and un­changeable love of God in the death of Christ, as the only sure way to salvation: and this was the summe of all his discourse: and this continued for the space [Page 5] of six years, or thereabouts; even so long as this fire could keep it self within private walles; but at length, it brake forth into publique meetings; so as the whole Province of Padua dawned by the lustre thereof. The Clergie finding the trade of their pardons to decay; and their Purgatory to wax cold, began to be stirre themselves; glosing their acti­ons, first, with calumnious aspersions upon the whole profession; then more plainly striking at Spira with grievous accusation. And to effect their purpose, some promise labour, others favour, some advice, o­thers maintenance; all joyn to divide, either his soul from his body, or both from God.

Now was Iohn Casa, the Popes Legate, resident at Ve­nice, [Page 6] being by birth a Floren­tine; and one that wanted nei­ther malice against those of this way, nor craftiness to effect his malicious purposes; To him these men repaire with out-cries against Spira; that he was the man that condem­ned the received rites of the Church; deluded the Eccle­siastical power, and scanda­lized the policie thereof; one of no meane rank; being a man of Account and authori­ty, and therunto, learned in the Scriptures, elegant in speech; and in one word, a dangerous Lutheran; having also many disciples, and therefore not to be despised.

At this began the Legate to cast his eye on the terrible al­teration that lately had hap­ned in Germany; where, by the [Page 7] means of one onely Luther, the Romish Religion had suffered such a blow, as that it could neither be cured by dissimula­tion, nor defended by power; but the Clergy must either mend their manners, or lose their dignities: on the other side, when he saw how pro­pense the common people, in­habiting in the bordering countries of Italy, were to en­tertain those new opinions, he now thought it no time to dispute, or perswade; but with speed repairs to the Senate, and procures authority from them to send for Spira.

Spira by this time had con­sidered with himself of the nature of his carriage, how e­vident and notorious it was, and therefore subject to be en­vied by such, as neither liked [Page 8] his person nor religion; he perceived that his opinions were neither retired nor spe­culative, but such as aimed at the overthrow of at the Romish Faction, and a change of po­licie; wherein at the best, he could expect but a bloudy vi­ctory; and that his enemies wanted neither power nor oc­casion, to call him to account in publique: when he must ei­ther Apostatize, and shameful­ly give his former life, yea his own conscience, the lie, or en­dure the utmost malice of his deadly enemies; or forsake his wife, children, friends goods, authority; yea, his deare Country; and betake himself to a forraign peo­ple there to endure a thousand miseries, that do continually wait upon a voluntary exile. [Page 9] Being thus distracted, and tos­sed in the restless waves of doubt, without guide to trust to, or haven to fly to for suc­cour; on the suddain, Gods Spirit assisting, he felt a calme, and began to discourse with himself, in this manner.

Why wandrest thou thus in un­certainties, unhappy man? cast a­way fear, put on thy shield, the shield of faith; Where is thy won­ted courage, thy goodness, thy con­stancy? remēber that Christs glory lies at the stake: suffer thou with­out fear, & he will defend thee, he wil tel thee what thou shalt answer; he can beat down all danger, bring thee out of prison, raise thee from the dead; cōsider Peter in the dun­geon, the Martyres in the fire; if thou makest a good confession, thou maiest indeed go to prison, or death but an eternal reward in heaven [Page 10] remaines for thee; What hast thou in this world comparable to Eter­nal life, to everlasting happiness? if thou doest otherwise, think of the scandal; (common people live by example, thinking what ever is done, is well done;) fear the loss of peace and joy, fear hell, death, and eternal wrath; or if thy flesh bee so strong, as to cause thee to doubt of the issue, fly thy Coun­trey; get thee away, though never so far, rather then deny the Lord of life.

Now was Spira in reasona­ble quiet, being resolved to yield to these weighty rea­sons; yet holding it wisedom to examine all things, he con­sults also with flesh and bloud; thus the battaile doth renew, and the flesh begins in this manner: Be well advised, fond man; consider reasons on both [Page 11] sides, and then judge: how canst thou thus overweene thine own sufficiencie, as thou neither re­gardest the examples of thy Pro­genitors, nor the judgment of the whole Church; doest thou not con­sider, what misery this thy rash­ness will bring thee unto? thou shalt lose all thy substance, gotten with so much care and travaile; thou shalt undergoe the most ex­quisite torments that malice it self can devise; thou shalt be counted an heretique of all: and to close up all, thou shalt die shamefully. What thinkest thou of the loathsome stinking dun­geon, the bloudy axe, the bur­ning fagot? are they delightfull? Be wise at length, and keepe thy life and honour; thou maiest live to do much good to good men, as God commands thee; thou maiest be an ornament to thy Countrey; [Page 12] and put case, thy Countries loss would be of small esteem with thee; Wilt thou bring thy friends also into danger? thou hast be­gotten children, wilt thou now cut their throats, and inhumanely butcher them, which may in time bring honour to their Countrey, glory to God, help and furthe­rance to his Church? goe to the Legate, weak man, freely con­fess thy fault, and help all these miseries. Thus did the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choak the good Seed that was for­merly sown; so as fearing, he faints, and yields unto the al­lurements of this present world; and being thus blin­ded, he goes to the Legate at Venice, and salutes him with this news.

Having for these divers [Page 13] yeares entertained an opinion con­cerning some Articles of faith, contrary to the Orthodox, and received judgment of the Church; and uttered many things against the authority of the Church of Rome, and the u­niversal Bishop: I humbly ac­knowledg my fault and Errour, and my folly in misleading others: I therefore yield my self in all obedience, to the Supreame Bishop, into the Bosome of the Church of Rome; never to depart again from the traditions and decrees of the holy See: I am heartily sorry for what is past; and I hum­bly begge pardon for so great an offence.

The Legate perceiving Spira to faint, he pursues him to the utmost; he causeth a re­citation of all his Errors to be drawn in writing, together [Page 14] with the Confession annexed to it, and commands Spira to subscribe his name there, which accordingly he did; then the Legate commands him to return to his own Towne; and there to declare this Confession of his, and to acknowledg the whole Do­ctrine of the Church of Rome to be holy, and true, and to abjure the Opinions of Luther, and other such Teachers, as false, and heretical: Man knowes the beginning of sinne, but who bounds the issues there­of? Spira having once lost footing, goes down a maine, he cannot stay, nor gain-say the Legate; but promiseth to accomplish his whole will and pleasure: he soon addresseth himself for his Iourney: and being onward in the way, be [Page 15] thinks himself of the large spoiles he had brought away, from the Conflict with the Legate: what glorious testi­mony he had given of his great faith, and constancy in Christs cause: and to be plain, how impiously he had denied Christ, and his Gospel at Venice; and what he pro­mised to do further in his own Countrey; and thus partly with feare, and partly with shame being confoun­ded, he thought he heard a voyce speaking unto him, in this manner.

Spira, What dost thou here? whither goest thou? h [...]st thou, unhappy man, given thy hand­writing to the Legate at Venice? yet see thou doest not seale it in thy own countrey. Diest thou indeed think eternal life so [Page 16] meane, as that thou preferrest this present life before it? dost thou well in preferring wife and children before Christ? is the windy applause of the people, bet­ter indeed then the glory of God; and the possession of this worlds good more deare to thee, then the salvation of thine own Soul? is the small use of a moment of time more desireable, then eternal wrath is dreadful? Think with thy self, what Christ endured for thy sake; is it not equal, thou shouldest suffer somewhat for him? Remember, man, that the sufferings of this present life, are not comparable to the glory that shall be revealed: if thou suffe­rest with him, thou shalt also reign with him: thou canst not answer for what thou hast already done; nevertheless, the gate of mercy is not quite shut: take heed [Page 17] that thou heapest not sin upon sin, lest thou repent when it will be too late.

Now was Spira in a wilder­ness of doubt, not knowing which way to turn him, nor what to do: yet being arri­ved in his own Country, and amongst his friends, with shame enough he relates what he had done, and what he had further promised to do; and how the terror of God on the one side and the terror of this world on the other side, did continually rack him; and therefore he desired of them advice in this so doubtfull a case: his friends upon small deliberation answered; that it was requisite he should take heed that he did not in any wise betray his wife and chil­dren, and all his friends into [Page 18] danger, seeing that by so small a matter as the reciting of a little Schedule, which might be done in less space then halfe an hour, he might both free himself from present dan­ger, and preserve many that depended upon him: adding moreover, that he could get no Credit in relenting from that which he had already in greatest part performed be­fore the Legate at Venice, and that in the perfect accomplish­ing thereof, little or no discre­dite could arise, more then what by the former action al­ready he had sustained: on the other side, if he did not perform his promise made to the Legate, he could neither discharge himself of the shame which he had already incurred; nor avoyd far [Page 19] more heavy and insupportable injuries, then probably hee should have endured, if he had persisted obstinately in his for­mer Opinions.

This was the last blow of the battaile: and Spira utterly overcome, goes to the Praetor, and profers to perform his promise made to the Legate, who in the meane time, had taken order to have all things ready, and had sent the instru­ment of abjuration signed by Spira, to the Praetor, by the hands of a certain Priest. All that night the miserable man ware out with restless cares, without any minute of rest; the next morning being come, he gets up, and being ready, he desperately enters into the publique Congregation, where Mass being finished, in the [Page 20] presence of friends and ene­mies, and of the whole Assem­bly; being by estimation neer two thousand people; yea, and of Heaven it self, he recites that infamous abjuration, word for word, as it was writ­ten: it being done, he was fi­ned at thirty pieces of gold, which he presently paid: five whereof were given to the Priest that brought the abju­ration: the other twenty five were imployed towards the making of a Shryne to put the Eucharist in; then was he sent home, restored to his Digni­ties, goods, wife, and children: No sooner was he departed, but he thought he heard a dire­ful voyce saying to him; Thou wicked wretch, thou hast denied me, thou hast renounced the co­venant of thy obedience, thou hast [Page 21] broken thy vow, hence Apostate, beare with thee the sentence of thy eternall damnation: he trem­bling and quaking in body and mind, fell down in a swoune; relief was at hand for the bo­dy, but from that time for­ward, he never found any peace or ease of his minde; but continuing in uncessant tor­ments, he professed that he was captived under the reven­ging hand of the great God: that he heard continually that feareful sentence of Christ that just Iudg: that he knew he was utterly undone: that he could neither hope for grace, nor Christs intercession with God the Father in his be­half: thus was his fault ever heavy on his heart, and ever his Iudgment before his eies.

Now began his friends [Page 22] some of them, to repent too late of their rash counsel; o­thers not looking so high as the Iudgment of God, laid all the blame upon his Melancho­licke constitution; that over­shadowing his judgment, wrought in him a kind of mad­ness: every one censured as his fancie led him, yet for re­medy all agreed in this, to use both the wholesome help of Physitians, and the pious ad­veic of Divines, and therefore thought it meet to convey him to Padua, an University of note, where plenty of all man­ner of means was to be had: this they accordingly did, both with his wife, children, and whole family; others also of his friends accompanying him: and being arrived at the house of one Iames Ardin, in [Page 23] Saint Leonards Parish, they sent for three Physitians of most note, who upon due observa­tion of the effects, and of other Symptomes of his disease, and some private conference one with another, amongst them­selves, returned their verdict in this manner, viz. That they could not discerne that his bo­dy was afflicted with any dan­ger or distemper originally from it self, by reason of the over-ruling of any humour; but that this Malady of his did arise from some griefe, or passion of his minde, which being over burthened, did so oppress the spirits, as they want­ting free passage, stirred up many ill humours, whereof the body of man is full; and these ascending up into the braine, troubled the fancie; [Page 24] shadowed the seat of the judg­ment, and so corrupted it: this was the state of his disease, and that outward part that was vi­sible to the eye of nature; this they indeavoured to reform by purgatiō, either to cōsume, or at least to divert the course of those humours from the braine; but all their skill ef­fected nothing, which Spira noting said: Alas poore men, how far wide are you? do you think that this disease is to bee cured by potions? believe me there must be another manner of medicine, it is neither plaisters, nor drugges, that can help a fainting soul cast down with sence of sin, and the wrath of God; t' is onely Christ that must be the Physitian, and the Gospel the soul Antidote.

The Physitians easily be­leeved [Page 25] him after they had un­derstood the whole truth of the matter, and therefore they wished him to seek some spi­ritual comfort. By this time the fame of this man was spred over all Padua, and the neigh­bour Country; partly for that he was a man of Esteeme: partly because as the disease, so the occasion was especially re­markable; for this was not done in a corner: so as daily there came multitudes of all sorts to see him: some out of curiositie onely to see and dis­course: some out of a pious desire to try all meanes that might reduce him to comfort again, or at least to benefit themselves, by such a specta­cle of misery, and of the ju­stice of God. Amongst these, Paulus Vergerius Bishop of [Page 26] Iustinopolis, and Matheus Gri­bauldus, deserve especially to be named, as the most princi­pal labourers for this mans comfort. They find him now about fifty years of age, nei­ther affected with the dotage of old age, nor with the un­constant headstrong passion of youth, but in the strength of his experience and judgment; in a burning heate, calling ex­cessively for drink; yet his understanding active, quick of apprehension, witty in dis­course above his ordinary manner, and judiciously oppo­site: his friends laboured him by all fair meanes to receive some nourishment, which he obstinately gain-saying, they forcibly infused some liquid sustenance into his mouth, most of which he spit out a­gaine; [Page 27] exceedingly chafing and in this fretting mood of his, said: As it is true that all things work for the best to those that love God; so to the wicked all are contrary: for whereas a plentiful of-spring is the blessing of God, and his reward, being a stay to the weak estate of their a­ged parents; to me they are a cause of bitterness and vexation; they do strive to make me tire out this misery; I would fain be at an end; I deserve not this dea­ling at their hands; O that I were gone from hence, that some­body would let out this weary Soul.

His friends saluted him, and asked him, what he conceived to be the cause of his disease; forthwith he brake out into a lamentable discourse of the passages formerly related, and [Page 28] that with such passionate Elo­cution, that he caused many to weepe, and most to tremble. They contrarily, to comfort him, propounded many of Gods promises recorded in the Scripture; and many exam­ples of Gods mercy: My sin (said he) is greater then the mer­cy of God.. Nay, answered they, the mercy of God is above all sin; God would have all men to be saved: It's true (quoth he) hee would have all that he hath elected, to be saved; he would not have damned repro­bates to be saved; I am one of that number; I know it, for I willingly, and against my know­ledg denied Christ; and I feele that he hardens, and will not suf­fer me to hope.

After some silence, one as­ked him whether he did not [Page 29] believe that Doctrine to be true, for which he was accu­sed before the Legate? he an­swered; I did believe it when I denied it, but now I ne [...]ther be­lieve that, nor the Doctrine of the Roman Church; I believe no­thing, I have no faith, no trust, no hope; I am a Reprobate like Cain, or Iudas, who casting a­way all hope of mercy, fell into despaire; and my friends do me great wrong, that they suffer me not to goe to the place of unbelie­vers, as I justly deserve.

Here they began sharp­ly to rebuke him; requiring, and charging him that in any wife he did not violate the mercy of God; to which he answered: The mercy of God is exceeding large, and exends to all the elect; but not to me, or any like to me, who are sealed up [Page 30] to wrath: I tell you I deserve it, my own conscience condemnes me; what needeth any other Iudg? Christ came (said they) to take away sin, and calling for a book, they read unto him the passion of Christ; and com­ming to his nayling to the Cross, Spira said: This indeed is comfortable to such as are e­lected, but as for mee wretch, they are nothing but grief and torment, because I contemned them. Thus roaring for grief, and tossing himself up and down upon the bed as he lay, he intreated them to read no more: As Gribauldus was comming to see him, Vergerius said to Spira, dear Sir, here is Doctor Gribauldus, a godly and faithfull friend of yours, come to see you: He is well­come (said he) but he shall find [Page 31] me ill: Gribauldus replyed, Sir, this is but an illusion of the divel, who doth what he can to vexe you; but turn you to God with your whole heart, and he is ready to shew you mercy; the earth you know is full of his mercy; it is he that hath said, that as often as a sinner repents of his sin, he will remember his sins no more. Consider this in the example of Peter that was Christs fami­liar, and an Apostle; and yet denied him thrice with an oath, and yet God was mer­ciful unto him: consider the thief that spent his whole life in wickedness, and for all that, did not God graciously respect him in the last minute of his life? Is the Lords hand now shortned that it cannot save? to this Spira answered; [Page 32] If Peter grieved and repented, Luk. 21.61. it was because Christ beheld him with a mercifull eye; and in that he was pardoned, it was not be­cause he wept, but because God was gracious to him: but God re­spects not me, and therefore I am a reprobate: I feele no comfort can enter into my heart, there's place there but only for torments and vexings of spirit: I tell you my case is properly mine own; no man ever was in the like plight, and therefore my estate is fearful.

Then roaring out in the bit­terness of his spirit, said: It's a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God: the vi­olence of his passion and acti­on sutable, did amaze many of the beholders; insomuch as some of them said with a whispering voyce that he was [Page 33] possessed; he overhearing it, said: doe you doubt it? I have a whole Legion of divels that take up their dwellings within me, and possesse me as their own; and justly too, for I have denied Christ. Whether did you that willingly or not? (said they.) That's nothing to the purpose (said Spira:) Christ saith, Mat. 10.33. who­soever denies me before men, him will I deny before my Father which is in Heaven: Christ will not be denied, no not in word; and therefore it is enough, though in heart I never denied him.

They observing his distem­per to arise from the sense and horror of the paines of hell, asked him whether he thought there were worse paines then what he endured for the pre­sent; he said, that he knew there were far worse paines then [Page 34] those that he then suffered: for the wicked shall rise to their judgment, but they shall not stand in judgment: this I trem­ble to think of: yet do I desire nothing more, then that I might come to that place, where I may be sure to feele the worst, and to be freed from fear of worse to come.

I but you are to consider (said one) that those opinions for which you were accused before the Legate, were impi­ous; and therefore you are not to think you denied Christ, but rather that you confessed him, acknowledging the infal­lible truth of the Catholike Church. Truely (said he) when I did deny those opinions, I did think them to be true, and yet I did deny them.

Go to (said others;) now [Page 35] then believe that they are true. Now I cannot (said he;) God will not suffer mee to believe them, nor trust in his mercy: What would you have me do? I would faine attain to this power, but cannot, though I should pre­sently be burnt for it. But why do you (said the other) e­steem this so grievous a sin, when as the learned Legate constrained you to it, which he surely would not have done, if your former opinions had not been Erroneous: no, good Francis, the divel besets thee, let not therefore the grievousness of thy sin, (if any such be) amaze thee. You say right, (replyed he;) the di­vell hath possest me, and God hath left me to his power; for I finde, I can neither believe the Gospel, nor trust in Gods mercy; [Page 36] I have sinned against the Holy Ghost; and God by his immutable decree, hath bound me over to perpetual punishment, without any hope of pardon; Rom. 9.11. and Rom. 4. It's true that the greatness of sin, or the mul­titude of them, cannot binde Gods mercy: all those many sins that in the former part of my life I have committed, then did not so much trouble me, for I trusted that God would not lay them to my charge: but now having sinned against the Holy Ghost, God hath taken away from me all power of repentance; and now brings all my sins to remembrance, Jam. 2, 10. and thus guilty of one, guilty of all. And therefore it's no matter whe­ther my sins bee great or small, few or many; they are such as Christs bloud, nor Gods mercy be­longs to me: Rom. 9.18. God will have mercy on whom he will have mercy; and [Page 36] whom he will he hardneth; this is it that gnawes my heart, hee hath hardned mee; and I find that he daily more and more doth harden mee, and therefore I am out of hope; I feel it, and therefore cannot but despaire: I tell you, there was never such a monster as I am; never was any man alive a spectacle of so exceeding misery. I knew that justification is to bee expected by Christ, and I denyed and abjured it▪ to the end I might keep this frail life from adver­sitie, and my children from po­vertie; and now behold, how bit­ter this life is to mee; and God only knows, what shall become of this my family; but surely no good is likely to betide it, but ra­ther daily worse and worse; and such a ruine at the length, as that one stone shall not be left on a­nother.

[Page 38]But why should you (said Gribauldus) conceit so deep­ly of your sin, seeing you can not but know, that many have denyed Christ, yet never fell into despaire? Well (said he) I can see no ground of com­fort for such, neither can I war­rant them from Gods revenging hand in wrath; though it pleaseth God yet to suffer such to bee in peace: and besides, there will a time of danger come, and then they shall be throughly tryed: and if it were not so, yet God is just in making me an Example to others; and I cannot justly complain: there is no punishment so great, but I have deserved it, for this so heinous offence: I assure you it is no small matter to deny Christ, and yet it is more ordinary then commonly men do conceive of: it is not a denyall made before a [Page 39] Magistrate as it is with mee; for as often as a Christian doth dis­semble the known truth; as often as he approves of false worship, by presenting himself at it, so often as hee hath not things wor­thy of his calling, or such things as are unworthy of his calling, so often he denyes Christ: thus did I, and therefore am justly punished for it.

Your estate (quoth Gribaul­dus) is not so strange, as you make it; Iob was so farr gone, that he complained God had set him as a mark a­gainst him: and David that was a man after Gods own heart, complained often that God had forsaken him, and was become his enemy; yet both received comfort again: com­fort your self therefore, God will come at length, though [Page 40] he now seem far off.

O Brother (answered Spira) I believe all this; the divels be­lieve and tremble; but David was ever elected and dearly be­loved of God; and though he fell, yet God took not ut [...]erly a­way his holy Spirit; and therefore was heard when he prayed, Lord take not thy holy Spirit from mee: but I am in another case, being ever accursed from the pre­sence of God: neither can I pray as he did, because his holy Spi­rit is quite gone, and cannot be re­called; and therefore I know I shall live in continual hardness so long as I live: O that I might feel but the lest sense of the love of God to me, though but for one small moment, as I now feel his heavie wrath that burns like the torments of hell within mee, and afflicts my Conscience with pangs [Page 41] unutterable; verily desperation is hell it self.

Here Gribauldus said, I do verily believe, Spira, that God having so severely chastised you in this life, correcteth you in mercy here, that he may spare you hereafter, and that he hath mercy sealed up for you in time to come.

Nay (said Spira) hence do I know that I am a Reprobate, be­cause he afflicteth me with hard­ness of heart: O th [...]t my body had suffe [...]ed all my life long, so that he would be pleased to release my soul, and e [...]se my Conscience, this burthe [...]ed Conscience.

Gribauldus being desirous to ease his mind from the conti­nual meditation of his sin; as also to sound how for the present he stood affected to the Romish Church; asked him [Page 42] what he thought became of the soules of men so soone as they departed out of the body; to which he answered.

Although this be not so fully revealed in Scripture; yet I ve­rily believe that the soules of the Elect go presently to the King­dome of glory; and not that they sleep with the body, as some do imagine.

Very well, said one of the spectators, why do the Scrip­tures then say, that God brings down to hell, and raiseth up; seeing it cannot be meant of the estate of the soul after death, which as thou sayest, ei­ther goeth to heaven without change, or to hell without re­demption: it must be under­stood of the estate of the soul in this life; like that wherein thou art at this present: and [Page 43] oftentimes we see that God suffers men to fall into the jawes of despair, and yet rai­seth them up again; and there­for despair not, but hope; it shall be even thus with thee in his good time.

This is the work (quoth Spi­ra) this the labour; for I tell you, when I [...]t Venice did first abjure my profession, and so, as it were, drew an Indenture, the spirit of God often admonisht mee; and when at Cittadella, I did, as it were, set to my seale; the Spirit of God often suggested to me, do not write Spira, do not seal; yet I resisted the Holy Ghost, and did both; and at that very present I did evidently feele a wound in­flicted in my very will; so al­though I can say, I would believe, yet can I not say, I will believe, God hath denied mee the power of [Page 44] will; and it befalls mee in this my miserable estate, as with one that is fast in irons , and his friends comming to see him, do pitie his estate, and do perswade him to shake off his fetters, and to come out of his bonds, which God knows he would fain do, but cannot: this is my very case; you perswade me to believe: how fain would I do it, but cannot? O now I cannot. Then violent­ly grasping his hands toge­ther, and raising himself up: Behold (said he) I am strong, yet by little and little I decay and consume, and my servants would fain preserve this weary life; but at length the will of God must be done, Psal. 32.11. and I shall perish mise­rably as I deserve: rejoyce ye righteous in the Lord; blessed are you whose hearts the Lord hath mollified.

[Page 45]Then after some pause; It's wonderful, I earnestly desire to pray to God with my heart, yet I cannot; I see my damnation, and I know my remedie is only in Christ, yet I cannot set my self to lay hold on it; such are the pu­nishments of the damned: they confess what I confess, they re­pent of their loss of heaven; they envie the Elect; yet their repen­tance doth them no good, for the) cannot mend their waies.

As hee was thus speaking, he observed divers flies that came about him, and some lighted on him: Behold, (said he) non also Signi­fies the god of flies. Belzebub comes to his ban­quet, you shall shortly see my end, and in mee an example to many of the Iustice, and Iudgement of God.

About this time came in two Bishops, with divers [Page 46] Schollers of the Vniversity, one of them being Paulus Ver­gerius ▪ having observed Spira more then any other; being continually conversant with him; told him his estate was such, as rather stood in need of prayer them advice; and the re­fore desired him to pray with him in the Lords Prayer; Spi­ra consented, and he began.

Our Father which art in hea­ven, then breaking forth in to teards, he stopped; but they said, it is well, your grief is a good signe: I bewaile (said he) my misery, for I perceive I am forsaken of God, and cannot call to him from my heart, as I was wont to do; yet let us go on, said Vergerius.

Thy kingdome come:) O Lord (said Sprit) bring me also into this kingdome; I beseech thee [Page 47] shut mee not out. Then com­ming to those words, Give us this day our daily bread; head­ded; O Lord I have enough and abundance to feed this carkeise of mine; but there is another bread, I humbly begge the bread of thy grace; without which, I know I am but a dead man.

Lead us not into temptation;) seeing Lord that I am brought in­to temptation, help me Lord that I may escape; the enemie hath o­vercome, help me, I beseech thee, to overcome this cruel Tyrant.

These things he spake with a mournful voyce, the teares trickling down abundantly; and expressing such affection and passion, as turned the bow­els of those there present, with grief and compunction; they then turning to Spira, said; You know that none can call [Page 48] Christ Iesus the Lord, but by the Holy Ghost: you must there­fore think of your self, accor­ding to that soft affection, which you express in your prayers, inferring thereby that God hath not wholly cast you off, or bereaved you of his Spirit utterly.

Psal. 109.7. I perceive (said Spira) that I call on him to my eternal damna­tion: for I tell you again, it is a new and unheard of example that you find in mee: If Iudas (said they) had but outlived his dayes, which by nature hee might have done; he might have repented, and Christ would have received him to mercy; and yet he sinned most grievously against his Master, which did so esteem of him, as to honour him with the dignitie of an Apostle, and [Page 49] did maintain and feed him: He answered, Christ did also feed and honour mee, neither yet is my fault one jot less then that of his; because it is not more honour to be personally present with Christ in the flesh, then to be in his presence now, by illuminati­on of his holy Spirit: and besides, I deny that ever Iudas could have repented, how long soever he had lived; for grace was quite taken from him, as it is now from me.

O Spira (said they) you know you are in a Spiritual desertion; you must therefore not believe what Satan sug­gests; he was ever a Liar from the beginning, and a meer Im­postour, and will cast a thou­sand lying fancies into your mind, to beguile you withall; you must rather believe those [Page 50] whom you judg to be in a good estate, and more able to discern of you then your self; believe us, and we tell you that God will be merciful unto you.

O here is the knot (said Spira;) I would I could believe; but I cannot.

Then he began to reckon up what fearful dreames and vi­sions he was continually trou­bled withall; that he saw the divels come flocking into his Chamber, and about his bed, terrifying him with strange noyses that these were not fancies, but that he saw them as really, as the standers by; and that besides these outward terrours, he felt continually, a racking torture of his minde, and a continual butchery of his Conscience, being the ve­rie [Page 52] proper pangs of the dam­ned wights in hell.

Cast way these fancies (said Gribauldus;) these are but illu­sions; humble your self in the presence of God, and praise him.

The dead praise not the Lord (answered he) nor they that goe down into the pit: Psal. 6.5. we that are drowned in despaire, are dead and already gone down into the pit: what hell can there be worse then desperat [...]on; or what greater punishment? the gnawing wo [...]m, unquenchable fire, horror, confusion, and (which is wo [...]se then all) desperation it self continual [...]y [...]o [...]tures me; and now I count my prese [...]t estate worse, then if my soul (separated from my body) were with Iudas and the rest of the damned; and therefore, I now desire rather to bee there, then [Page 52] thus to l [...]ve in the bodie.

One being present, repeated certain words out of the Psalmes: If thy Children for­sake my Law, Psa. 89.30. and walk not in my Iudgments; I will vi­site their transgressions with rods, and their iniquities with stripes; nevertheless my loving kindness I will not ut­terly take from them, nor suf­fer my faithfulness to fail: mark this, O Spira, my Co­venant I will not break.

These promises (said Spira) belong only to the Elect, which if tempted, may fall into sinne; but are again lifted up and recove­red out: Pro. 24.16. Psal. 37.24. as the Prophet saith, though he fall, he shall not be ut­terly cast down, for the Lord up­holdeth him: therefore Peter could rise, for he was Elected; but the reprobate when they fall, [Page 53] cannot rise again, as appeares in Cain, Saul, and Iudas: God deales one way with the Elect, and another way with Reprobates.

The next day he prayed with them in the Latine tongue, and that with excel­lent affection, as outwardly appeared; blessed be God (said Vergerius;) these are no signes of eternal reprobation: you must not, O Spira, seek out the secret counsels of Gods ele­ction and reprobation; for no man can know, so long as hee lives, whether by his good or bad deeds, Eccles. 9.1. Psal. 88.14. he be worthy of Gods love or anger: do you not know that the Prophet David complained, that God had cast off his Soul.

I know al this (quoth Spira) I know the mercies of God are infi­nite, and do surpass the sins of the [Page 54] whole world, and that they are effectual to all that believe, but this faith, and this hope, is the gift of God: O that he would give it mee; but it is as impossible as to drink up the sea at a draught: As for that of Salomon, if he had ever tryed that which I feel by wofull experience, he would never have spoken as he did; but the truth is, never had mortall man such an evident experience of Gods anger and hatred against him, as I have: you that are in a good estate, think repentance and faith to be works of great facili­tie: and therefore you think it an easie matter to perswade a man to believe; the whole need not the Physician; and he that is well, can soon give counsell to such as are ill; but this is the hell to mee, my heart is hard­ned, I cannot believe: many [Page 55] are called, but few are chosen.

Upon what ground (said they) do you conceive so ill an opinion of your self?

I once did know God to be my Father, not only by creation, but by regeneration; I knew him by his beloved Sonne, the author and fi­nisher of our Salvation; I could pray to him, and hope for pardon of sinnes from him; I had a taste of his sweetness, peace and comfort: now contrarily, I know God not as a Father, but as an enemies; what more? my heart hates God, and seeks to get above him: I have nothing else to fly to but ter­ror and despair.

Belike you think then (said they) that those who have the earnest and first fruits of Gods Spirit, may notwithstanding fall away.

The judgments of God are a [Page 56] deep abiss (said he) we are soon drowned if we enter into them; Psal. 36.6. Rom. 11.33. 1. Cor 10.12. he that thinks he standeth, let him take heed lest he fall: as for my self, I know I am fallen back; and that I once did know the truth; though it may be not so throughly: I know not what else to say, Psal. 50.12. but that I am one of that number, which God hath threat­ned to tear in peices.

Say not so (answered they;) for God may come, though at the last hour; keep hold there­fore, at the least by hope.

This (quoth he) is my case, I tell you I cannot, God hath de­prived mee of hope; this brings terror to my minde, and pines this body which now is so week, as it cannot perform the several offi­ces thereof: Rom. 8.16. for as the Elect have the Spirit testifying that they are the sonnes of God [Page 57] so the Reprobates, even while they live, do often feel a worme in their conscience, whereby they are condemned already; and therefore as soon as I perceived this wound inflicted on my mind and will, I knew that I wanted the gifts of saving grace, and that I was ut­terly undone; 1. Cor. 11.33. God chasteneth his children with temporarie afflicti­ons, that they may come as gold out of the fire; Rom. 12.28. but punisheth the wicked with blindness in their understandings, and hardness of heart; and woe be to such, Iohn. 18.42. from whom God takes his holy Spirit.

Here one rebuked him, and told him, hee gave too much credite to sense, that he was not to believe himself, but rather him that was in a good state, and I testifie to you (said he) that God will be merci­full to you.

[Page 58] Nay (answered he) for be­cause I am in this ill estate, there­fore can I believe nothing but what is contrary to my salvation and comfort; but you that are so confident of your good estate; look that it be true, for it is no such small matter to bee assured of sin­cerity; a man had need be excee­ding strongly grounded in the truth, before he can be able to af­firm such a matter as you now do: It is not the performance of a few outward duties, but a migh­ty constant labor, with all inten­tion of heart and affection; with full desire and endeavour, conti­nually to set forth Gods glory: there must be neither fear of Le­gates, Inquisitors, Prisons, nor a­ny death whatsoever; many think themselves happy that are not: it is not every one that saith, Lord, Lord, Mat. 7 22. that shall go to heaven.

[Page 59]They came another day, and found him with his eyes shut, as if he had been drouzie, and very loath to discourse; at which time there came in also a grave man from Cittadella, who demanded of Spira, if he knew him, or not; hee lifting up his eye-lids, and not sud­denly remembring him, the man said to him; I am Presby­ter Antonie Fontamia: I was with you at Venice, some eight weeks since: O cursed day (said Spira) O cursed day: O that I had never gone thither; would God I had then died.

Afterwards came in a Priest called, Bernardinus Sardoneus, bringing with him a book of Exorcismes, to conjure this divell; whom when Spira saw, shaking his head he said:

I am verily perswaded indeed, [Page 60] tnat God hath left me to thh power of the divels; but such they are, is are not to be found in your Le­tany; neither will they be cast out by spells: The Priest procee­ding in his intended purpose; with a strange uncouth gesture and a loud voyce, adjured the spirit to come into Spira's tongue, and to answer: Spira deriding his fruitless labour, with a sigh, turned from him: A Bishop being there present, said to Spira; brother, God hath put vertue into the word and Sacraments; and we have used the one meanes, and find not that effect which we desire; shall we try the efficacie of the Sacraments? surely if you take it, as a true Christian ought to receive the body and bloud of Christ, it will prove a sove­raign medicine for your sick soul.

[Page 61] This I cannot do (answered he;) for they that have no right to the promises, have no right to the seales: 1 Cor. 11.33. the Eu [...]ha­rist was appointed onely for belie­vers: if we have not faith, we eate and drink judgment to our selves; I received it about a moneth since, but I did not well in so doing; for I took it by constraint, and so I took it to my deeper condemna­tion.

Here Vergerius began to im­portune him earnestly to be­ware, that he did not wilful­ly resist grace, and put himself out of Heaven; charging him vehemently, by all the love that was between them; by the love which he bare to his children, yea, to his own soul; that he would set himself, se­riously to return to that faith and hope, which once he had [Page 62] in the death of Christ; with many such like words: Spira having heard much of the like matter formerly; and being somewhat moved, said, You do but repeate, Vergerius: what should I hope? why should I believe? God hath taken faith from me; shew me then whither I shall go; shew me a Haven where­to I shall retire: you tell me of Gods mercy, when as God hath cast me off: you tell me of Christs intersession, I have denied him: you command me to believe, I say I cannot: you bring me no com­fort: your command is as impossi­ble for me to ob [...]y, as to k [...]ep the Morall Law: if you should per­swade one to love God, with all his heart, soul and strength; and God gives him not the power, can he perform your desire? doth not the Church teach us to sing; di­rect [Page 63] us, O Lord, to love thy Com­mandements? hypocrites say that they love God with all their heart, but they lye: for my part, I will not lye, but tell you plainly; such is my case, that though you should never so much importune mee to hope or believe, though I desire it, yet I cannot: for God (as a punish­ment of my wickedness) hath ta­ken away from me all his saving graces; faith, hope, and all: I am not the man therefore that you take me for: belike you think I de­light in this estate; if I could conceive but the least spark of hope of a better estate hereafter, I would not refuse to endure the most heav [...]e w [...]ight of the wrath of that great God; yea, for twenty thousand yeares, so that I might at length attain to the end of that misery, which I now know will be eternal: but I tell you, my [Page 64] will is wounded: who longs more to beleeve, then I doe? but all the ground-work of my hope is quite gone; for if the testimonies of ho­ly Scripture be true, (as they are most certainly true) is not this as true: whosoever denies me before men, him (saith Christ) will I denie before my Father which is in heaven? is not this properly my case, as if it had purposely been intended against this very person of mine? and I pray you, what shall become of such as Christ de­nieth; seeing there is no other Name under heaven, whereby you look to be saved? what saith Saint Paul to the Hebrews? it is impossible for those who were once enlightned, Heb. 6. and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, if they fall away, to be renewed to repentance: what can be more [Page 65] plain against me? Is not that Scripture also; and 10.26. if we sinne wil­fullly after we have received the knowledg of the truth, there re­maineth no more sacrifice for sin; but a certain looking for of judg­ment: the Scripture speaks of me, Saint Paul me [...]hes me; 1 Pet. 2.21. Saint Peter tell me, it had been better I had not known the way of right­teousness, then after I have known, to turn from the holy Commandement: it had been better I had not known, and yet then my condemnation had bee most certain: do you not see e­vidently, that I have w [...]lfully denyed the known truth; may justly expect not onely damnation, but worse, if worse may be ima­gined? God will have mee under­goe the just punishment of my sin, and make me an example of his wrath for your sakes.

[Page 66]The company present, ad­mired his discourse, so grie­vously accusing himself of his fore-past life; so gravely and wisely dilating, concerning the judgments of God, that they then were convinced, that it was not frenzie or madness, that had possessed him: and be­ing as it were, in admiration of his estate, Spira proceeded a­gain in this manner. Take heed to your selves, it is no light or easie matter to bee a Christian; it is not Baptisme, or reading of the Scriptures, or boasting of faith in Christ (though even these are good) that can prove one to be an absolute Christian: you know what I said before, there must be a conformity in life; a Christian must be strong, unconquerable, not carrying [Page 67] an obscure profession, but re­solute; expressing the Image of Christ, and holding out a­gainst all opposition, to the last breath: he must give all diligence, by righteousness, and holiness, to make his calling and election sure: ma­ny there are that snatch at the promises in the Gospel, as if they undoubtedly did be­long to them; and yet they remaine sluggish, and care­less, and being flattered by the things of this present world, they pass in their course in quietness and se­curity, as if they were the onely happy men; whom nevertheless the Lord in his providence hath ordained to eternal wrath; as you may see in Saint Lukes Rich man: thus it was with me, Luk. 16. [Page 68] therefore take heed.

Then came one of his Ne­phewes, and offered him some sustenance, which he disdain­fully refusing, so moved the young mans choler, that he charged him with hypocrisie and dissimulation, or frenzie; to whom Spira gravely answe­ring, said:

You may interpret the matter as you will; but I am sure, I am not onely the Actor, but the argu­ment, and matter of the Tragedy; I would it were frenzie, either fained or true; for if it were fai­ned, I could put it off at pleasure; if it were a reall frenzie, yet there were some hope left of Gods mer­cie, whereas now there is none: for I know that God hath pro­nounced me an enemie, and guilty of high Treason against his Ma­jestie; I am a cast-away, a vassaile [Page 69] of wrath: yet dare you call it dis­sembling and frenzy; and can mock at the formidable example of the heavy wrath of God, that should teach you fear and terror: But it is natural to the flesh, either out of malice or ignorance, to speak perversly of the Works of God: The natural man discerneth not of the things that are of God, because they are spiritually discerned.

How can this be (said Gri­bauldus) that you can thus ex­cellently discourse of the judg­ments of God, and of the graces of his holy Spirit, that you finde the want of them, and earnestly desire them; and yet you think you are utterly deprived of them.

Take this for certain (said he) I want the main grace of all, and that which is absolutely necessary; and God doth many times ex [...]ort [Page 70] most true and strange testimonies of his Majesties justice and mercy; yea, out of the mouthes of very re­probates; Matt. 27.4. for even Judas, after he had betrayed his Master, was constrained to confess his sin, and to justifie the innocency of Christ; and therefore if I do the like, it is no new or strange matter: God hath taken faith from me, and left me other common gifts, for my deeper condemnation: By how much the more I remember what I had, and hear others discourse of what they have, by so much the more is my torment, in that I know what I want, and how there is no way to be relieved.

Thus spake he, the tears all the while trickling down; professing that his pangs were such, as that the damned wights in hell endure not the like misery; that his estate was [Page 71] worse then that of Cain or Ju­das, and therefore he desired to die. Revel. 9.6. Yet behold (saith he) the Scriptures are accomplished in me; they shall desire to die, and death shall flie from them: And verily, he seemed exceedingly to fear, left his life should be drawn out to a longer thred; and finding no ease or rest, ever and anon, cryed out, O miserable wretch, O miserable wretch; then turning to the Com­pany, he besought them in this maner.

O Brethren, take a diligent heed to your life; make more ac­count of the gifts of Gods Spirit then I have done; learn to beware my misery; think not you are as­sured Christians, because you un­derstand something of the Gospel; take heed you grow not secure on that ground; be constant and im­moveable [Page 72] in the maintenance of your profession: Confess even un­til death, if you be called thereto; He that loveth father, mother, bro­thers, Luke 9.61. sisters, sons, daughters, kinred, houses, lands, more then Christ, is not worthy of him.

These words (said they) do not found like the words of a wicked Reprobate.

I do but herein imitate (said Spira) the rich Glutton in the Gospel, who though in hell, yet was careful, that his brethren should not come to that place of torment; and I say to you Brethren, take heed of this miserable estate wherein I am.

Then turning himself to cer­tain young men that were pre­sent, he desired them to con­ceive him aright. I do not speak this to derogate from the certainty of saving faith, and the promises [Page 73] of the Gospel, for they are most sure; but take heed of relying on that faith that works not a holy and un­blameable life, worthy of a belie­ver; credit me, it will fail, I have tryed it: I presumed I had gotten the right faith; I preached it to others, I had all places of Scripture in memory that might support it: I thought my self sure, and in the mean time living impiously and carelesly; behold, now the judg­ments of God have overtaken me; not to correction, but to condemna­tion: And now you would have me to believe, but it will not be; for I feel too late, that good things be­long only to such as are good; whose sins are covered with Christs death and blood, as with a vail, and guarded with his righteous merits from the floud of Gods wrath, even as with a mighty wall, lest mise­rable mortals should be swallowed [Page 74] up with greatness of their sins: But as for me, I have, as it were, wilfully with mine hands pulled down this Rampire; behinde which I might have rested in safety; and now are the swelling waters come even to my soul, and I am cast a­way.

One of his familiar friends chanced to say, That certainly he was overcome with melan­cholly; which being over­heard, Spira answered,

Well, be it so, seeing you will needs have it so; for thus also is Gods wrath manifested against me, in that he hath taken from me the use of mine Understanding and Reason, so as I can neither rightly esteem and judg of my distemper, nor hope of remedy; You see Bre­thren, what a dangerous thing it is, to stop or stay in things that con­cern Gods glory; especially to dis­semble [Page 75] upon any tearms: What a fearful thing is it, to be neer and almost a Christian? never was the like example to this of mine; and therefore, if you be wise, you will seri­ously consider thereof. O that God would let loose his hand from me; that it were with me now, as in times past, I would scorn the threats of the most cruel Tyrants, bear tor­ments with invincible resolution, and glory in the outward profession of Christ, till I wear choaked in the flame, and my body con­sumed to ashes.

You say, you are desperate, O Spira (said they,) why then do you not strive with some weapon or other, violently to make an end of your life, as despe­rate men use to do? Let me have a sword (said Spira,) why what would you do with it (quoth they?) I cannot tell you (said he) what this minde would move me to, upon occasion, nor what I would do.

They perceiving small effect of all this their labor, but rather that he grew [Page 76] worse: For the avoiding of concourse of people; for every day seldom fewer then twenty continued with him, and to stop the course of fame, which was continually blown abroad of him; they consult to carry him back again into his own Countrey; and those his friends that came to comfort him, be­gan to take their leaves of him: Verge­rius amongst the rest, required that at their parting they might pray together with him: Spira hardly consented, and as unwillingly performed: For he said, My heart is estranged from God, I cannot call him Father from my heart; all good motions are now quite gone, my heart is full of malediction, hatred, and blasphemy against God: I finde I grew more and more hardned in heart, and cannot stoop nor help my self: Your Prayers for me shall turn to your own benefit, they can do me no good.

Vergerius came to take his leave of him, whom Spira embracing, said, Al­though [Page 77] I know that nothing can bring any benefit to me a Reprobate; but that every thing shall tend to my deeper condemnation: yet I give you most hearty thanks, for your kinde office of love and good will; and the Lord return it unto you, with a plentiful in­crease of all good.

The next day being brought down to his intended journey, by the way look­ing round about him with a ghastly look, he saw a knife lying on a Table, to which he running hastily, snatched hold of, as intending to mischief him­self; but his friends laying hold of him, stopped him in his purpose: whereup­on with indignation, he said, I would I were above God, for I know he will have no mercy on me.

Thus went he homewards, often saying, that he envyed the condition of Cain and Judas: He lay about eight weeks in this case, in a continual burning, neither desiring, nor receiving any thing but by force, and that without [Page 78] disgestion: so spent, that he appeared a perfect Anatomy; expressing to the view, nothing but sinews and bones: vehemently raging for drink; ever pining, yet fearful to live long: dread­ful of Hell, yet coveting death: in a continual torment, yet his own tor­mentor: And thus consuming himself with grief and horror, impatience and despair, like a living man in hell; he represented an extraordinary example of the justice and power of God. And thus (as far as appeareth) within a few days after his arrival at his own home, he departed this present life: Yet an occasion to make us remember, That secret things belong unto the Lord our God; but charity to man, to teach him to hope all things.