2.

A Bird in hand is worth two in a Bush they say, and Own made some proof of it; For his Lady gave him a Canary Bird to present from her to a Lady of her ac­quaintance, now Owen had seen the boys house their Sparrows under their Hatts, and (being taken with the humour) puts the Canary Bird up under his; but in the way as he ways going with his present, a Coach passed by, behind which was a Country­man of Owens, who put off his Hatt to [Page 4] Owen, and our dear Joy answered his Com­plement with much respect, not minding the Canary Bird in the Garret; at length he came to the Ladies house, and asked the Porter if his Lady were within, who answered him, Yes. Why then ( quoth Owen) Y prethee tell her that Y am belonging to such a Lady, and be me Shoul Y have brought her a preshent from my Lady: Whereupon, Owen being called in, delivers himself after this manner, Me Laudy presents her Sharvish to thee, and has shent thee (at that he began to feel on his crown, to look in his hart, and to brush the locks of his wigg, looking eve­ry way about him:) What hath she sent? (quoth the Lady,) Be Creesht it wash a lit­tle Shinning Bird, and the Deevil tauke me Joy it ish come to nothing at all now.

3.

Dear Joy paying great Devotion before a certain old Image at a Church in France; It hapened that the rotten Figure fell upon him, and bruised him very much, so that he was forced to keep within doors for a considerable time, and then coming again to the same Church, he saw a very fine new Image set up in the same place: to which he addressed himself after this sort; [Page 5] Be me Shoul dear Joy, Deevil tauke me if the dosht not look as pleashant as mine own Sweet­heart, and Y can scarce forbear to mauke Prayer to thee, but thy Father leaped down upon me and wash like to breake my Neck; and by Creesht Y have no mind to trust thee for all thy sine looks.

4.

When Tangier was in the possession of his Majesty of Great Brittain, a certain Irish man was Servant to a Major there; the Major happened to die in his Servants debt for Wages, and about three years after his Masters death, the Irish man de­livered a Petition to the Governour to this effect.

The Governour having considered the Contents of the Petition, began to Enquire what this Major White was, and being in­formed that the Gentleman had been dead for three years, he could not for­bear smiling at the downright Ignorance of the Petitioner, and order'd him to be called in, when he spake to him to this purpose: Friend, I have read thy Paper here, and I find thee wouldst have me order one Major White to pay thee mony; where is this Major White?

Why, if thee wilt come along wid me Y [Page 8]will show thee whare he ish put under a Shtone indede.

What! is he dead then?

Yesh be Creesht ish he.

How long?

It ish! let me shee, it ish about tree Yearsh, dear Joy.

This is very pretty, and thou wou'dst have me sue him in the Grave for thee, I warrant thee? ha!

Yesh, yesh, Devil tauke me Y wou'd in­dede.

It is not like that such a Gentle­men died in debt to his Servants, but the Dead pay no Debts.

Be me Shoul dat ish very pretty, dear Joy! than it ish nothing but to dye and put the Cheat upon every body for what ish due to them! be the Mash thish ish de greatest Cheat in the wholl world now! Y will die too be Creesht, and put the great Cheat upon every body too indede.

The Governour was ready to burst with the Comedy, and ordered his Ser­vants to make the Irish-man drink, and so dismist him.

5.

A certain Collonel having lost one of his Hands in his Majesties Service, and an [Page 9]Artificial Hand of Steel put on, and it was done with that Curiosity, that he could hold his Fork in it or take up a cup of Beer, or command his Horse with it, but still it appeared to be Steel, and was very finely pollished. It happened a Dear Joy was waiting upon his Master at Table, who dined with the Collonel; he took great notice of the Steel Hand, at length (quoth he to the Collonels Ser­vant) Y prethee tell me, wash dy Mashter born wid dat Hand? be Creesht it ish very strange an Iron Hand shou'd grow so big, ish it not? the Servant told the Irish-mans question to the Table, who laught heartily at it.

6.

Naturam Expellas Fune licet us (que) Recurret. Once a Taylor and always a Thief, was an Addage founded upon good Experi­ence; or if that will not Convince you of the unalterableness of mens natural Dispositions, perhaps the ensuing Story may.

It is said a certain Mac-lander had listed himself in the Spanish Army in Flanders, but (not well approving of that Service) had deserted his Colours, and was there­upon apprehended, and tied up to Destiny [Page 10]upon a Gibbet not far from Bruges; A Country-man passing by with his Cart in little time after the body had been trussed up, and considering him to be a proper Fellow; (having likewise felt, and found his body very warm, and that his breath had not quite deserted it) began to enter­tain some thoughts of taking him down, and endeavouring to restore him again to the number of the Living; accordingly, when he had driven the Cart under the Tree, and received the body in it, he cut the Hemp, and drave him home, where there was immediate care taken, by bleeding, fomenting, and other requi­site means for his recovery, so that in few hours he was as if he had never been sus­pended: He had a remembrance that he had been drag'd to the place of Execution, but not the least apprehension of what had been done to him afterwards. The honest Country-man told him the condi­tion he had found him in, and the Cure, and means that had been taken for his recovery, Mac. seemed very penitent, and resolved upon a new Course of Life; Complaining much upon de Shaints upon [...] says he) be Creesht Y have mauke abundansh of Shuplicausion, aund Y have been shivil to dem indede, Aund eet upon aall daat [Page 11]neever one of dem wash sho kind to come shaare me, or to taake de Shtring from me Neck in­deed: Noow de plaague devil dem, for Y am shatishfied de beesht honeshter man dan dey be, Y have mauke much sharvish, and kindnesh up­on dem, aund dey wash not come to shave me, aund Y vill not come to dem again indede; but Y vill be vid dee, aund vill mauke all me Shar­vish upon dee, in fait, and let dem aall be shar­ved ash dey vou'd let me be sharved, indede.

The Country man hoped that he had gained a stout Servant, and was very well satisfied in what he had done. But there are a sort of Horses, bred in a cer­tain Country, that all the art and care of the most Exquisite Jocky can never re­claim or break from their Jades tricks, they will still retain their unlucky Quali­ties, and it is not improbable that many of the Natives of that Land are of the same disposition with their beasts (that is to say) they are not Reclaimable. For this very Mac. we are now speaking of, no sooner was intrusted by the honest Flanderkin, to assist him in the business of his Husbandry; no sooner was he Warm, but (like the Snake) his Poyson returned to him: his Mac. qualities regained upon him, he made a shift to rob the honest Country man of what he could pillage, and rid a­way [Page 12]with one of his best Horses to the bargain, and this within three days after the good man had saved his Life: the Flanderkin and his Son soon perceiving something amiss, pursued the ungrateful wretch, and in a League or two of the Village found him wallowing in Brandy, (a Bastard sort of Ʋsquebah) He was imme­diately bound, and Manackled, carried to his Masters house, and there once more put into the Cart, and conveyed to the place from whence he had been repriev'd from Execution, when he came underneath the Fertile Tree, and had the second time taken the form of hanging into his consi­deration, there was a great hoo boob raised within him, by reason of something of regret he had to make his Exit on that fashion: But for greater decorum of Con­clusion (for want of a Ghostly Father) he made his Confession to his Executioners in manner and form following (that ish to shay) Yt ish a plaugy Caush indede (me Dear Joy) dat dee vilt tye me up to dish dee­villish Ʋnwholsome plaush agen be Chreesht; Noow de deevil tauke me, aund be Shaint Pau­tricksh Shoo-bookle! it ish very haard indede! Me Fadder wash a Cut-Troat be de Mash, in fait; and he had great Liberty of Conshiansh, to do every Ting: aund be Creesht! hoo! hoo! [Page 13]hoo! woo! woo! it ish bloudy haard indede! Noow to maake two Murdar upon me body indede, Fursht de King of Shpainsh Laawesh, for de­sharting me Coloursh, indede! and now (deare Joy) be Chreesht dee vilt hang me too, for shom Pishtolsh, and a plaugy drooukan Guelding of a Maure, (be Chreesht) dat shtop at the next Braandy Shop, aund noow de deevil tauke de Maure too indede, daat she cou'd not run avay furdar vid me, aund be de Mash I musht be haung'd twish noow for de Jaud'sh treeksh of dish plaugy Maure indede! hoo! hoo! woo! boo! boo! Noow de deevil tauke dee too noow, aund vaat musht Y be haung'd twisbe for noow? heare ish dy Maure agen indede, aund heare ish de Pish­tolsh, aal but Shix upon me fait noow! Aund Y predee, deare Joy, lat ush be friendsh agaain, in­dede! aund Y vill Sware me shelfe to de Devil for dee indede: Hark ye, hark ye, (dear Joy) quoth the Spaniard, I do you no wrong, I found you hear in a Stinking pickle, I carried you home, and dry'd ye, and made ye Clean; in fine, I sav'd ye once from the Gallows, and ye have serv'd me according­ly, and now let the next Man that has a mind to be Cheated, take thee down agen, for I will e' [...] leave thee as I found thee, and so Farewell and be hang'd, that's twice God bu'y.

Having so said, they left there the dan­gling Objet to scare the Passengers, who were in great surprise to see the same Man [Page 14]that was hang'd for three days before, and they thought buried the same Night, come again and hang upon the same Gibbet, and that now he had got Boots on, whereas be­fore he had none, (for you must know the Farmer, and his Son were in such hast to be rid of him, that they e'n tied him up in the same garbe that they found him,) this (as I was saying) mightily surprised them, and they thought the Devil had sent him Post back again.

7.

A Gentleman's Footman in the Country took an occasion to Gallant the Kitching Maid (between whom, and himself, there had passed many an amorous Intrigue) and leading her into the Orchard in a Sum­mer Evening they happened to sit down under a Pipping Three, to entertain them­selves with a little private Converse; It was about the business of Comfortable Impor­tance; ‘Be Shaint Pautricks Shoo-horne (quoth Donell) Y have very much great deal of Love for dee, Y vill put shom kish upon dee faush, aund maake shom Child upon dee body indede!’ and so Donnel put what he had said in execution: Now it happened that upon that very Tree was a Spark, who had come thither to borrow some of the Fruit, and upon their approach [Page 15]to that place, kept himself very close, but so that he saw and heard all that passed. When the Exercise was over (said the Miss to the Lover) O! Donnel, you and I have often had these enjoyments; but if I should prove with Child, what care would there be taken of me, or the Infant? ‘Noow de Deevil tauke me (replyed he) be de Mash it ish unshivil for dee to put shuch question upon me indede; pradee lat me shom more kish upon de faush in fait, and dere ish one above vill tauke caure for de Child and dee too be Creesht.’ That's a damn'd lye (quoth the Fellow in the Tree) for I never intend to take care for any Ba­stards, but of my own getting. Upon which words they both ran away in great confusion; Donnel crying out, ‘Be me shal­washion de deevil hash been vitness to vat vee haave don indede; aund if dee beesht mauke vid Child, he himshelfe shall be de Godfader in fait.’

8.

Bryan having hurted one of his Legs, that it was much swollen, and his Master ha­ving occasion to send him a considerable Journey into the Country; Bryan went to the Shoomaker, directing him to make one of his Boots pretty much bigger than the other. When the Boots were brought [Page 16]home, and to be put on, Bryan fell into a great fumigation with the Shoomaker, Swaring at him, ‘Be de shoul of mine Fa­der aund me Graundfader, let a toushand deevilsh pull me to peeshes, if dou beesht not de greatesht Fool dat ever wash borne upon a woman; vaat de deevil cansh dee not undarshtand vaat ish sho plain shaid to dee, Y did bad dee mauke one of me Botosh bggar dan de toddar, aund be Chreesht de shimpleton have mauke one Leshar dan de toddar: preddee dear Joy! dee maisht tauke dem home vid dy none shelfe again indede, day vill not be upon sharvish for me be Creesht noow. La.’

9.

Mao Clan, and his Man being travelling together upon the Road, and one of his Horses was lamed by a prick of a Nail, the other had received a strain in one Shoul­der: ‘Be Shaint Pantricks Tobacco-stop­per, and Shaint Brigatsh Thimble, noow de deevil reed avaay upon me in fait, but one of deshe Horshes ish boat doown­reeght laam, in fait! yeet be me Mash­booke, de blaake Maure be a shtoutar Horse dan de vite Naag indede, Deevil take me if Y have not maake ride upon me laame Beetch indede, dat mine Arsh ish sho shore ash de baak of mine haund, [Page 17]in fait; plaague deevil de daumn Beech for me, she vill never leave mauke shtum­ble aund faul, before she trow me from de Shadle down Shtairesh, and brauk me Neck, be Creesht. But Dennish (quoth he to his Man) Y vill mauke shpeak upon dee a leetle indede, upon a wheesh foot ish me Maure laume indede? Noow de plau­gue taake dee in fait, dosht not dee knaw? be Creesht it ish de hander footsh before, creplayed Dennish to his Master.) Aund be me Shawl vaat ish de maatre daat dy Naag be sho upreeht laume, Y preddee? Noow de deevil taake dee indede, dear Joy! (replyed Dennis to his Master again) dosht dee not shee vid dyne Eyshe indede? whee dan Y vill tall de noow, it ish the Rumpe-boan of de reeght Sholdar upon the needar side dat is put oout of hish plaush, Joy, aund be Shaint Antonce, de deevil tauke me but Y am sho laume daat Y cannot sheet upon de baak of de deevil any longar in fait, noow!’ They jogg'd on upon their cripled Jades for a long time, sometimes cursing themselves, sometimes their Horses, sometimes their Saints, or any thing they thought on; till at length they stumbled upon a Farriers Shop, in a small Country Village upon the Road; they got up to him, Ashke hish audvishe a­bout theire Rosinante's; Vulcan told them, one must have his foot drawn, and the other [Page 18]be rowled on the Shoulder, and that they must have many days rest, before he could warrant a Cure upon them. ‘Deevil rasht dare Sholesh in dare grauvesh indede, (re­plyed Mac Clan) voo de pocksh vou'd be sho plaug'd vid a couple of deevillish bee­ches, in fait' Y veesh vid aul me Shoul, indede! dat Y haud mauke von lushtie auble Horse for boat de beechesh, in fait, La!’

Say you so (quoth the Farrier, who perceived the Simplicity of the Animalls,) If you will leave the Horses to my care; I doubt not but for both of them I may pro­cure a stout Nagg, against your return this way: Vid aul mine harte deare Joy, (said Mac Clan) Y will mauke put dem upon dye Caure be me shoul, and Y will mauke caull upon dee about tree Weeksh after yeshterday, aund Y will geeve dee shatishfaction for dy kindn­esh to me Horshes, indede! aund be Creesht deare Joy, she dou mauke a propper Galding oout of dem too, indede! Let me alone for that (replyed the Smith) and so they parted, leaving their Cattle to his care, whilst they pursued the rest of their Journy on foot-back, about fifty Miles: during their absence (you must know) the Farrier had cured, and put off the two Beasts belon­ging to Mac Clan, and his Man Dennis, and had got Mony by the bargin: And had provided an old rotten Keffill to accommo­date [Page 19]the Sparke at his return: By the way you are to understand, that Mac's Mare was black, and Dennis's Nagg was white, and the Beast that Vulcan had pro­vided was Pyed, answerable to both their Colours: So that when our Sparke re­turned, and saw the Animal that was provided for him, he concluded with himself that it had (in earnest) been Compounded of his Black Mare, and Denis's White Nagg. Noow be shaint Bartelemew's Butcharing Knife (deare Joy,) (Says Mac Clan to the Farrier) let mee shinke up to de Earesh in de necksht boog be Creesht, but dee art shartainly de mann of de mosht Confounded Shiensh in de Vorld, in fait, for dere ish de shame Colloursh be Creesht, de very shame Coomplack­shion ash me maure vash, and de same vite bairsh ash vas upon Dennish's Horshe; be de Mass, it ish like boat one of de too; But Y vill mauke a leetle shpeaking upon dee (deare Joy) What ish de reashon daat dish horshe ish shoe leetle, aund be me should indede, dee hasht put too Horshes into hish body? Y should mauke Expectashionsh dat de too Horshes should mauke one tall, Shtrong, and lushty Gualding, indede? You must consider this is but a Colt yet, being not three weeks since it was made, but when it is full growne, it will be a mighty Beash indeed. D- sht dee beare daat Dennish (quoth Mac to his Man) be Creesht it ish a Colt (he shay) aund it vill be a veery grate Horshe, van he be [Page 20]grown op to Mansh Eshtate. Be Chreesht dish be the verey Larned Man in fait; Deevil tauke me deare Joy, Y will mauke publicaashion of dy great shkill in every plaush indede. In fine, they came to agreement what the Farrier was to have for making up the two lame Horses, into one; Mac pay'd him his demands, put one of the Sadles upon Pye, and Mac gat upon the outside of him, the other Sadle was girt on upon Dennis, who followed his Master on foot. They parted from the Farrier, not without great suspicion of his being a Conjurer; Dennis was once under some fear, when the Saddle was fastned to his back, Least the Man of Art should have converted him to a Horse too. They had not travail'd farr before Dennis percei­ved his Masters Horse to be lame of all four, and upon that Ocasion address'd himself to him after this sort. ‘Noow de Deevill tauke dee, deare Joy; de two Horshes daat was maake up into dish Cattle, vash laume but upon too shidesh, indede; but in fait dish Gualding ish lame upon all de forwre footsh, La: shee shee vat a damn fool dou art (replayed Mac) aund be Creesht did not de Larned man Shay it wash a Colt; and deevill tauke me, hish footsh vill be tandar dish great vile, till hish nailesht be grow hard and strong indede.’ Many more Observa­tions were made upon their Miraculous [Page 21]Beast; and some say Mac was upon mauk­ing Petishion to mauke show of his Twin-Barb at the Bell Shavage.

10

Pautrick had been in the Warrs in Ger­many, and after his return, sitting in Com­pany with some of his brother Brogues, he was vanting what dangers he had gon through, what exploits he had don, and amongst the rest that he had cut off one of the Enemies Legs, ‘Be Creesht Pautrick (says one of them) dee shoudsht have dish­charged, dee Paike at him, annd hauve Cutt hish heed off from hish body. Noow de Deevill tauke me (replyed be) daat ish veery true indede, but be de Maush deare Joy, Y caume too laute for daat indede, for be me shalwashion hish heed vash tauken avay before indede now.’

11.

One of deare-Joy-Land had a Son that served a Gentleman here, in quality of his Foot-man; after he had been in England for some time, his Friends (upon some Oc­casion) writ over for a Testimonial whether he was alive, or not, upon Con­sulting his Acquaintance about the matter, they advised him to get a Scrivener to draw [Page 22]it, and get it signed by the hands of the most Credible Countrey men that were known to his Relations: This being all done accordingly, he was told he might send it by Post to Chester, and after the Pacquet Boat would take Care of it: One night his Master sent him to the Post house with Letters; and he had some Inclination to have put in his Certificate, but fearing the Pacquet Boat might miscarry, he re­solved to carry it himself; His Master saw him no more in six weeks, at length he appears again, and being asked what had occasion'd him to absent himself so long; he made answer to this purpose. ‘Be Creesht me Relaushionsh deed mauke shand a Leetre, daat Y musht shend dem a Shartificate daat Y wash alive; Y haad geet a skrivishner to mauke vrite upon de Pauper for me, aund it vash shined be me Friendsh here indede, but upon feare daat de Pacquat Boat should miscary, be Creesht Y did mauke goe, and carry eet me shelfe indede, daat van day shee de Shar­tificatsh, dey maight tinke it vash meen awn shelfe daat vash alive indede.’

12

Teague having been Obliged to wait upon his Master to Edingbourgh, where he conti­nued for some time, at his returne to London [Page 23]fell in Company of some of his old Aquain­tance, how doest thou like that Country Teague (sayes one of them) ‘Y will tall dee be Creesht (replyed he) Y vash Sheeke all de time Y vash dare indede; And be shaint Pautrick if Y haud Leeved daure 'till dish time, be de Maush, de Deevill tauke me indede, but Y shou'ed hauve been deed noow for Sheaven Yearsh agoe, deare Joy, upon me fait it ish true indede.’

13

A certain Lord having a Nimble Bog-Trotter to his servant which use to travell with him when he rode and wou'd make as quick speed as his Horse let him ride never so hard, This Nobleman having occasion to send his servant to a Gentleman of his ac­quaintance who lived about a dozen Miles from him, he call'd his Man to him over Night, and said Teague (for so the fellow was named) I must send you to morrow very early in the morning to Mr.... pray remember, to which Teague reply'd au my shaul Joy I saul remember very well, In the mor­ning Teague rose very Early and away he trots to this Gentlemans house leaving his Master (as supposed) a sleep, and being come Teague knosked at the Door, and was let in, Who presently ask'd for the Gentleman, he Master of the House, to which the Ser­vant [Page 24]answered he was not stirring; Teague said ‘be Chreesht I must speake with him I did come from the Lord... my Master.’ The Servant went & acquainted his Master thereof, (thinking it had been some Urgent affair that Teague should come 12. miles so soon in the morning.) Whereupon his Mr. having a great respect for the Lord (and believing it business of Moment) ordered Teague to come up to his Chamber, And the Gentleman said how now Teague, what news doe you bring from My Lord your Mr. that you are here to Early, to which Teague answered, be Chrest I cano tell, how does my Lord quoth the Gent. Indeed very well, said Teague, what is your Errant or business with me Teague, (quoth the Gent.) Quoth Teague ‘be Chrest & St. Patrick I cannot tell, My Lord did call me to him over night and said I must come to thee this morning, yes indeed, & he did charge me to remember it, and be Chrest thou canst witness I have not forgat it for thou seest I am here with thee,’ quoth the Gent. ‘ is this all,’ quoth Teague ‘au my shaul I doe not know any more, and so I will goe home (Dear Joy) to my Master and tell him I did remember to come to thee’ (quoth the Gentleman) now I think on't Teague, you must stay a little while, I have something to send to your Master, which you come for, be Chreesh ( quoth Teague) I cano tell: Then the Gen­tleman [Page 25]began to think how he should be reveng'd of this Rogue that had thus di­sturb'd him to no purpose, at length he Considered he had an ugly stone Morter which he did not value, which Mortar he gave Teague and told him, he came for that Mortar, and that his Master had sent him purposely for it; The Mortar weighed about 80 l. which Teague gott upon his Back, and took his leave of the Gentleman, many a face and many a Curse he did make at the Mortar, for it did hurt his back and should­ers, and almost grippled poor Teague, but he was bound to endure it with Patience, ha­ving brought it home, he had some help to get it off his back; And the rest of his Servants asked him where he had been, for his Lord miss'd him; To which he was Dumb and would not answer any thing for a long while, at last My Lord being at a Bouling Green near, sent to see for Teague, and to command him to come to him, who came to the Green to My Lord, said the Lord to Teague ye plaguy Rogue where have you been all this day, Teague made ugly faces and points to his back an shoulders (being sore and gauld by the stone ortar) andas often as My Lord ask'd him where he had been, My Lord received no other answer but wretched wry faces and pointing to his Shoulders & back, till at length my Lord grew a little angry, Sirra, said he, tell me where [Page 26]you have been & the meaning of your Poin­tings and wry Mouth, or else I will Cudgell your bones, Then Teague answered, didst thou not say I must goe to Mr.... this morn­ing, and be Chrest I have been with him, you dam'd Rogue, said My Lord, I told you over night you should goe to him in the morning, but you should have come to me and taken my Errant along with you, A plague take thee, and they Errant to, I did bring they Errant upon my back be Chreest, till I did bruise my shoulders, and au my shoul I shal goe no more of thy Errants, nay Teague (quoth my Lord, doe not say so) what is it you brought from the Gentleman, be Chrest thou may'st see it if thou wilt goe home, no Teague, said the Lord (being willing that some Gentlemen shoud share in the mirth that this fellow was like to make among them) goe you home and fetch this Errant that has so mortifyed your shoulder and let me see it, Teague goes home and takes up the Morter and brings it to his Master upon the Green, and throwes it down there, at which they all laughed heartily that this fellow should be so sordid as to goe to the Gentleman without his Errant, and commended the Gentlemans In­genuity to punish the fool with such a bur­then. To be short, his Master and the Com­pany having had sport enough with his sowr faces, his pointings and his Errant, his Master bid him carry the Mortar home [Page 27]but withall to goe to the Gentleman again, and fetch the Pestell to the Morter, he ha­ving forgot it.

14.

Among the Serwants of a Certain Noble­man were a Teaguelander, and a French man, and these two did sometimes jarr, some­times were mighty loving. It hapned at a certain time that these two Sparks were in a hott dispute about their Country, and their Saints; And de French man did sputter much in Praise of his Country, and of St. Dennis who was Saint for France, saying that no Saint in all the World could com­pare to St. Dennis, po po po po po po, Jay war, what St. Dennis, says Teague, quoth the French man, St. Dennis was Saint for France, and St. Dennis was murdered at Paris, and his Head was cutt off, and begar me tell you no lye, when his Head have been Cutt off, St. Dennis did ketch up his Head in his hands and he did carry it two leagues after it was cut off in his hands, and there he did faint and fall down, so he was buryed in that Place, and there is a Chappell built and called by the Name of St. Dennis to this day, and all the Kings of France will be Crown'd there the Teaguelander did burst into laughter, and did say, be Chreest my Joy thou doest make a great Prate of thy St. Dennis, but upon my [Page 28]Shalvation St. Patrick was far beyond him, St. Pa­trick, auoth, the French man, What was St Patrick, Po po po, be Christ, says the Irish man, doest thou not know St. Patrick, no begar said the French man, me did never hear of an Irish Saint, no quoth Teague, be Chrest I shau break thy Pate for thee, what dost thou say there be no Teagueland Saint, these words caused some blows, but they were quickly parted, and the French man was judged to be in the wrong, because he gave affront to the Teague lander in Contradicting him, so he did ask the Bog Trotter pardon, and desired him to goe on upon his story; Then said the Bog Trot­ter, St. Patrick was Saint for Ireland, and be was murdered at Dublin in Ireland, and his Flead was Curt off, But the Holy Saint did take his Head up and did make to the Sea side, resol­ving not to stay in that Country where they had so serv'd him, and coming to the sea side, he did fling himself into the Sea, and be did swin indeed three­score Leagues, and then he did come on shoat, and was o faint that be dyed, and be was buryed, and the Place is called Holy Head to this day. Quoth the French man, how did he swim, upon his back, quoth the Irish man, no be Chrest he did swim upon his Belly, and did strike out his hands as I doe now (he striking out his hands in imitation) where says the French man, did he carry his head then, Po po po po, Joy, why be Chrest he did carry it in his Mouth betwixt his Teeth, and indeed and upon my Shal­vation it is true.

15

A certain Teague call'd Comines, begging of some Gentleman some Charity, one of the Gentleman said to him, Comines why dost not thou get some preferment amongst thy Country-men, you see the King is very kind to your Country-men and gives them Places, and makes some Officers in he Army, why dont you put forward, and beg a Lieutenants Place of his Majesty, or if it be but a Serjeants, it would be better than this Scandalous way of begging; To which Comines reply'd, That the King had made him a Justice of Peace in Teagueland; and he would not accept of any Preferment in the Army, but that some great Men did detain his Papers from him, and said hee, an my shoul I canno goe for Teagueland till they will give me my Papers.

16

The said Comines did frequent a certain Printers House neer Charing Cross, that the People were weary'd of him, and the Master said before a Gentlemans Servant that lodged in his House, I would fain be rid of this Fellow, this Comines, for I can never be quiet for him, said the Gentlemans Servant, I will shoot him for you if you [Page 30]will, no said the Master, I would not have him hurt, no said the Servant I will not hurt him, then said the Master doe what you will to him; So Comines one day standing with his back to the Window of the back shop of the Printer, and the Printer being walking and talking with a Friend, the Gentlemans Servant hapned to came down to the shop, and spying Comines at the Window, Pops out a pocket Pistoll, and theer being a Pain broke, he fires the Pistoll under Comines ear; It did no further hurt then caus'd his Peruke to stink for the present, but Comines falls down and Cryes Out, a Poor Comines be Chrest, Poor Comines the Kings Evidence is killed, I am Dead, I am Deaf; The Printer finding some red Ink did sprinckle some upon his Face and Cloths as he lay tumbling, sometimes with his face upward, and his Eyes shut, sometimes on his back, roaring out that he was murdered, and the Kings best Evidence slain, at length having continued in this maner some time, and no Body condoling him (for it was a back Place where few People came) he began to take some Courage, and rubbing himself with his hands about his Face, he opened his Eyes, and saw his hands (as he thought) all bloody, which was only the red Ink, then he Cry'd out louder and Tumbled up and down saying be Chrest my heart bloud is out, and upon my Shalvation [Page 31]have wash'd my hands in my heart blood! O for the Soul of St. Patrick help poor Comines whose heart blood is spilt for the Kings sake, but those which were thereby, did so flout and jeer him, that at last he did get up upon his Leggs, and did dog trot it away having never since been seen there, a pretty way to be rid of Impertinent Irish Beggars.

A certain Teaguelander came to some of his Comrades, and did say to them, who dear Joy, doe you think is dead, be Chrest (says one) I cano tell, the other answered in the same manner, why faith, dear Joy, it is our Friend Mac Daniel, and au my shoul you must come to the Funerall, quoth the Teaguelanders Com­rades, when did our Freind dye, quoth the Bog Trotter be did dye to Morrow be Chrest, then quoth they, when will he be buryed, said the other, he will be buried yesterday, yes indeed, and so God reast his shoul.

17

One of St. Patrics Countrymen belonging to a certain Lord, did Enquire in Dublin in a certain Street for the Sign of the white Dog, to which he was answered, that there was no such Sign as that, he goes a little further, War Joy, says the Teaguelander, canst thou tell me where the white Dog is, no said the Man, there is no such Sign in this Street, be Chrest, sayes the other, it must be in this [Page 32]Street; Then says the Man, there is the Talbott, but no white Dog, Po Po Po, Joy, be Chrest that is the white Deg, says the Man I tell you no, it is the Talbot, said the Teaguelander, Hold my dear Joy, you must not call it the Talbot, but the white Dog for the Lord Tyrconels's Name is Talbot, therefore you must say the white Dog.

18

A certain Lady sending her Servant for some Candles, the Fellow meeting with a Comtade of his, stood talking in the Street with him, and having the Candles tyed up in a bunch he held then dangling in his hand, by and by comes a drunken Fellow along, and it hapned that this drunken Fellow beat the Candles out f his hand into the Dirt the Wealker being very durty, O said the Teaguelander, be Chrest I am undon my Lady will break my Pate and turn me away! O what shall I doe my Candles are all spoild in the Dirt; But the Candles had re­ceived no further Prejudice then being dirty, sayes Mac to his Country man, my dear Joy prethee tell me what I sall doe to make my Candles clean and white as they were, for an my shoul I Care not goe home to my Lady till. I have made 'em clean; So laying their Noddles together, it was agreed by them both to goe to the next Coffee house, says Mac, Hark me dear Joy [Page 33](to the Master) I faith I have had a great Misfortune, my Candles have fell in the dirt, and I dere not goe home to my Lady before they be clean, prethee Joy if thou canst make 'em clean I sall thank thee, and I will spend some mony in they house on my shoul I will, dear Joy; well said the Coffee man, let me see them, the Coffee man took them & put them into a Platter, and wash'd them with some of hot Liquor, so that the Dirt came off and some of the Tallow also, but they were clean; so the Coffee-man brought Mac the Candles; said Mac, Noow be Chreest and de Devil tauke me, Y shware be him dat made me, thou bast done dem very well, but on me shoul dear Joy, thou musht dry them too, for dey be all vet, where shall I dry them (said the Coffee man) Po po po, Joy, come hisher wit me aund Y will show dee, so he took the Candles and hung them in the Chimney; and he did say, Good Master Cooffeeman, predee geeve me a Pipe of Tobacco, Y vill smoak one Pipe, and be dat time dey vill be dree indede. While this Son of Teagueland was smoaking, the Can­dles dript away all the while; so that when poor Mac's Pipe was out, he did go for his Candles, but he could find none, then said he, Be Chreest de damn Rogues hauve stole me Caundles! O me Shoul Y musht not go home to me Laudy widout me Chaundles; but the Cof­feeman presently show'd him the Wicks of his Candles, and told him the Tallow was all melted into the fire. This is an Expe­riment, [Page 34]how to dry Candles when they are wet.

19.

Another of the Sons of Teagueland ha­ving got into the Service of a worthy Gen­tleman, and lying with the rest of the Ser­vants who did usually fart; Mac told his Master of it, and said to him, Dear Joy, predee mauke anoder Lodging, for I cano, lie vid de nasty Shervants; quoth the Master, what is the matter? quoth Mac, be Chreest dey de so fart and stink, dat O me shoul does, mauke me very shick: (quoth the Master) how can that make you sick? Yesh indede (quoth Mac) for be Chreest de stink of de Fart dos get into me Noshe, shomtime into me Moutsh, and it goes doon into me Bally and dos mauke me full of de Gripe of de Gut, on me shalwashion it ish true, and Y tauke me Snush, and be Chreest it all shmel of Fart: so his Master promised to remedy the matter for him.

20.

another Son of Teagueland drinking Braudy with his Comrade, (said to the other,) Dear Joy, we musht not drink too mush Braundy, it vill mauke ush sleep, and den we shall be deed, ash me Friend wash de oder day; says the other to him, How dead! I prethee how [Page 35]dost thou mean? the other replies, be Chreest Y bad a dear Friand did drink so mush Brandy he did fall a sleep, and be Chreest when he awaked be was deed, yesh indede.

21.

A certain Nobleman having a Servant of Teagueland, whom he loved very well, and woud intrust him with his Plate, and made him his Butler; this Fellow conti­nued honest a while, and having occasion to drink with one of his Country men want­ed Money to entertain him abroad, having thought on several ways to get some, those did not please him; at last he took one of his Masters Dishes, which was Silver, as his Lord us'd nothing else) and did find out a way to cut out his Master's Coat of Arms from the Plate, and threw the rest down the Vault, because it should not be seen to accuse him of his Theft; when he had so done, he and his Friend went to the Ale­house, and having plentifully liquor'd themselves: The aforesaid Butler call'd to the people to change his money, and gave this piece to them, which was about the bigness of half a Crown; the people re­sns'd it, and said it was none of the Kings Coyn; Be me Shoul, said Mac. it ish a vary guod haulf Croon, and Y vill go and chaunge it; so being near his Lords house, he went [Page 36]home and showed it to one of my Lords Gentlemen, and said, Dear Joy, pradee geeve me two shallings aund sixe pance for thish haulf Croown? the Gentleman answered, how Sirrah! this is my Lord Dukes Coat of Arms! Po, po, po, po, joy! O me Shoul dere ish de King on horsheback; It ish a very good haulf Croon; but the Lord Duke being acquainted of the passage, examined Mac where he had ht; be me Shoul, said his Servant, Thou didsht put haulf Croons upon dy Plate, and Y had occa­shion for to mauke use of one with me Countryman, and Y did tauke it from dy Plate: The Lord said, you Rogue, where is the rest of the Plate; Po po, Joy, be Chreest dere ish no more baulf Croons upon it, it ish good for noting, O me shoul Y did fling de resht in de house of Office; O Villain! said the Nobleman, do you use these rogueries, I thought you very honest; O me shoul, dear Joy, be not aungry, says the Teaguelander, here ish dy hauf Croon, and Y vill fetch dee de resht of dy Plate if dou cansht mauke more baulf Croons upon it.

22.

A certain Nobleman having one of these Macks to his Servant sent him to his Drug­ster for some Sarsaparilla (for his Lord did boil it with some other Ingredients, and drink it and as some drink Tea.) The Ser­vant went to the Drugsters; and said my [Page 37]Master must have some saucy Fellow from this Shop; the Master of the Shop ex­amined his Men, who of them had af­fronted my Lord, that he should send in this manner? but his Servants denied that they ever gave occasion to my Lord to be angry. Whereupon the master going along with the Lords Servant to beg par­pon or excuse, if any thing had disliked his Lordship; and as soon as his Man re­turned, the Lord asked him for the Sar­saparilla? the Servant replyed, here is de Master of the Shop, Y have brought him wid me; You Rogue (quoth the Gentleman) I bid you bring some Sarsaparilla; be Chreest (says the Servant) dere is no saucy Fellow dere: At which both Lord and the Drug­ster laughed heartily at the Ignorance of the Fellow; the Master returned home and sent the Sarsaparilla by his Man.

23.

Another Virtuoso of Teagueland, being invited to a Venison Pasty, after he had fed very well, and satisfied himself; he came among his Friends and Country­men in the Evening, and as they were drinking, one begun to talk what a rare Dinner he had this day, and another [Page 38]told his Entertainment. At last the Vir­tuoso that had din'd with the Pasty, said, Be Chreest Y did dine with a Venison Pasty, it is true, but O my shoul! when it was first cut up, dere did come such an Echo from it, was ready to strike me down; some Moderns call it a Hogo.

24.

Two certain Teaguelanders consulted to­gether how they might raise their For­tunes, and to get Money, one of them had observed some body burning of Gold and Silver Lace, and did intend to make a trial of them upon Guilded Leather, so he imparted this to his Comrade; Dear Joy, says he, you must assist me; dere is in such a plauce, a room with Guilt Leather, we vill cut away the Guilt Leather and burn it, and in faith we vill be marry with de Money we mauke of it: They both put their reso­lution in practise, and did spoil a whole Room of that Furniture, and went away with it to have it burn'd: so they us'd an Alehouse near their Masters house, where they call'd for a Faggot and burnt it, and did put the Guilt Leather in the fire; ha­ving drunk a Pot or two, by that time the Fire and Leather was consumed, so [Page 39]they got a Broom and swept up Ashes and all together, and then searched for the Gold that should come from the Lea­ther; at last both of them being impa­tient, having raked a pretty while, and could find nothing; the one said to the other, be Chreest Y cano find de Gold, thou hast stole the Gold: Says the other, O me shoul! dou art a lying Rogue, dou hasht rob'd me of me part and shtole it away: At these words they were hot at it, that at last with the Noise and fury of these Teague­landers, the Master came to part them, and enquire into the matter, and found they had been burning of Guilded Lea­ther to get the Gold from it, so he disco­vered from whence they stole it, and the poor Teaguelanders had the gentle Lash for it.

25

A certain Teaguelander being upon his Journey, in his way chanced to light upon a small Pig, sayes he to the Pig, little Pig, will you come and stay with me a Moneth, the Pig did say, a week, a week, a week, a week, four times, then be Chrest, sayes Mac, that is a Moneth, for four Weekes mauke a month, but poor Teague was taken for stealing the [Page 40]Pig, and carryed before a justice, and Mac did say, Mr. Justice, o my shalvation! the Pig did promise to live with me a Moneth, but if the Man will have him sooner, here is the Pig for him.

26

Another of the same Country, hapned to the service of a very honest Gentleman, who was much pleas'd with his Servants tallk, but his Master one time sent him to receive forty pounds, and to bring it to him to such a place, if he should not be at home; Now Mac had been very just and faithfull in severall Services his Master had em­ploy'd him in many times before, and his Master did not doubt him in this affair; however Mac goes according to his Masters order and receives the forty pounds, poor Mac never saw the like before, and having the money, resolv'd to run away with it to his own Country; But withall, he went home first to take some of his linen and other things with him which he was not willing to leave behind, little thinking to meet his Master there, when poor Mac came in to the house, the first he met with was his Master, says his Master, how now Mac, hast thou received the Mony I sent [Page 41]thee for? At which being surprized, Mac could not presently answer, sayes his Master, why dont you tell me Sirra whe­ther you have received the mony? Quoth Mac, the Devill tauke thee and thy money too, quoth the Master, why so angry Mac? quoth Mac, A Plague tauke dee aund they money too, Y say, and there is they money, and the Devill tauke it; prethee why so angry? says the Master, sayes Mac. be Chreest when Y had received they money the Decvill did tempt me to run away with it, yesh indeed, but my Conscience came behind me and fetch'd me back again, and so the Devill tanke thee and thy money to; Why Mac, where would you have run with it? quoth Mac, O my shoul! into mine own Country, in Mackland, then quoth the Master, I should have fallow'd you thi­ther and put you in Prison, Po po po po, Joy, be Chreest if thou hadst come there thou shouldst have been my Man there.

27.

One Barnewell of Dunbrough in Teagueland, being a young Man, and his Father ha­ving a very handsom Maid Servant in his House, the Son had a great mind to lye with her, and upon a certain time when he went to the Priest to Confession, amongst [Page 42]the rest of his Sins, did Confess to his Fa­ther Fryer that he longed to lye with the Maid, but he never did attempt it; The Priest told him it was a great Sin never­theless, for said the Priest, thou hast com­mitted fornication in they heart, because thou didst lust after her, and therefore thou must doe Pennance for this, for it is an Abomination; so the Priest enjoyn'd young Barnewell to go 30 miles to a certain Church, and there to Pray, and that he must goe and come back barefoot to Expiate his Crime: To which poor Barnewell was forced to doe because he would not dis­oblige his own Father, but he was so gall'd and lam'd, and his feet so soar in the persormance thereof, that he vow'd re­venge upon the Priest; And it fell out, that upon a certain day a litle after his Penance, as Barnwell was looking about and Plowing some Ground which his Fa­ther had gave him, he spy'd the Priest Mare looking into an Oat feild of his, but could not get to it, so Barnewell called his Man, and said to him, doest thou not seerthe Priest Mare yonder looking into my Feild of Oats, be Chreest the Maure does lust after my Oates, and Y will mauke the Maure doe Pennance for it; So Barnewell and his Man caught the Priests Mare, and opened an old stinking Pid­geon-house [Page 43]door, and put the Mare in; The Priest the next day, having occa­sion for his Mare, could not find her, and sent all about to enquire after his Mare, but could hear no tidings; this continued about 5 days, the Priest then meeting with a Smith who as a Neighbour to Barnwell, ask'd him concerning his Mare; the Smith told him, he did belive Barnewell had play'd a strick with the Mare, because he vow'd (said the Smith) to be revenged upon you for making him doe Pennance; Quoth the Priest, I have search'd all about Barnewells House and Ground, but I cannot find her, quoth the Smith to the Priest, Father, have you searched the Pidgeon-house? no be me shoul, said the Priest; then the Smith and the Priest searched the Pidgeon-house and there found the Mare almost starved and Chop-fall'n; The Priest com­plained to Barnewells Father of his roguery, at which the old Man began to reprove his Son, and said, thou great Rogue, why doest thou doe such things to the Holy man; his Son answered him, on my shoul Father, he did mauke me doe Pennance because Y did Confess to him I had a mind to lye with thy Maid, and he did tell me I did lust after her, tho I did not lye with her, and by Chreest did mauke me go 30 miles harefoot, and my feet are [Page 44]soar to this day, and his Mare did lust after my Oates, tho' he did not eat any, therefore I thought the Mare should doe Pennance because be did look and lust aftn emy Corne?

28.

A great debate happened between a French Footman, and an Irish Footman, which of their Countries was most Fer­till; Quoth the Monsieur to the other, we have such rich Grass in Brittany, dat begar it vill grow over de Horse Legs in won Night, begar: And be Shaint Holly-Head (replyed the other) vee have shuch fruitful Groundsh in Yrelandt, daat if dee mauke put in dy Horshe into de Field at Neet, de caunst not mauke find dy Horshe in de Morning, in fait.

29.

Will (who was Footman to Sr. Henry—) meeting with Mac, who was in the same quality with Esq; F.— Says Will, how the pox didst thou come by that broken Face Mac? hast thou been in the Wars? or hath some Female scratcht thee? No be Shaint Antonie ( replyed Mac,) Y vill tall dee indede, I did go and mauke dehauch wid shum of me Countrymans; aund whan Y did [Page 45]shee Y vash sho dronke daat Y cou'd not go nor shtand, Y did run home ash fasht as Y cou'd drive indede, and be de Mash Y did faul a­shleep in de Shtreet by de vay, aund did mauke great Breake upon me Faush wid de fall, and de Vaatchmans did tauke me up, and caury me home indede. What in the Devil's name is all this (says Will?) thou cou'dst not go nor stand, and yet didst run home, and yet fell dead drunk in the way, and were carried home! why faith Mac, this is very astonishing.

30.

A Dear Joy that had waited on a Gen­tleman into Holland, told some of his Com­rades, that the P. of O. lived at a very great and splendid rate, for that, Y hauve seen (quoth he) be Chreest, tree or four she­cond Courshes carried up to hish Tauble at vone Dinner, in fait, noow, la.

31.

Bryan having been sent in an Errant to a Gentlemans house in the Country, fell deeply in Love with a Welch Maid, who belonged to the Kitching there, some­time after he met a Footman belonging [Page 46]to the same Gentleman; Bryan desired him to tauke a pot of drenk vid him, for a a quarter of an hour, vile he did mauke request to shom Skrivishner to vrite a Letter for him to Ʋrsula; which being done, be me shoul Y did pray him to shend it upon Ursula by do Vaaterman indede.

32.

The Water-man was punctual, and put the Letter in Ʋsulah's own hand the same evening, telling her he had it from her sweet heart, at which she smiled like a furmity Kettle: when the Water-man was gon, she shews her Letter to the Butler to read it for her her (but you must know) under an Obligation of secrecy; he may a shift to unriddle the marke at the bottom, but for the rest, it was as unintelligible to him as the Original Welch, or the un­baptized Characters of Arabia: therefore they concluded it to be some very learned Lan­guage, and it was agreed to desire the Chaplain to read it; Sr John was almost gra­vell'd at the first sight, but after some con­sideration he made shift to Expound it, and to enlarge upon the Point: Telling the Au­dience (who were composed of the Valet de Chamber, the Buttler, my Ladys wo­man (whoe ought to have been named first) two Foot-men, the Coach-man, and three or four Servants of the Kitching;) That, though the Letter in it self par­cularly considered, with respect to the Hand Maid therein mentioned, and to whome it did immediately relate, Savoured of nothing but a profound Love and sincere Affection. (Looking meltigly, upon [Page 52]my Ladys Woman, and fetching a sight;) Yet some passages therein contained, looked as black as the powder Plott; and carryed a deep Conspiracy in them, and that against the whole Body of the National Clergy; which will prove worse Madam (speaking to my Ladys Woman) than a Telleration; & it is plaine that the Atheistical part of men entertain these Varlets in perfect spleen to the Ministry. Wha to be robbed of their Comfertable Importance Fees? (Alas! Sr. says my Ladys Woman looking languishing upon the Chaplain) I say to be deptived of the sweet and standing Revenue, Entayled upon our Function, as long as People shall think fit to Copulate according to Modern Instituction: It is a I say it is a down right, Diametrical Contradiction to our Establishment; which I will prove in nineteen, or twenty Par­ticulars humb! humb!

Just as he was going to hold forth, the Gentleman of the House came home, and (crossing the Roome where this grave Assembly were) hey da (says he) what's here, a Conventicle? No a'nt please you Sr. (replyed my Ladys Woman) here is a'nt please you Sr. such a discovery of a design upon Ministery, by a Letter from an Irish­man to one of the Kitching Maids, that if it be not prevented (a'nt please you) the [Page 53]function will fall to the ground. Well said Betty! (quoth the Gentleman) standing up for the Clergy, or thon wilt lose they Coppy hold.

The Gentleman got into the Parler to his Lady, called for the Chaplain, and the Letter, which being read, he could hardly containe to hear the Comedy out; but that which mot pleased him was the Par­sons Exposition, and Notes thereon. Betty (allthe while) stood by my Ladys Chaire, touching, and whispering my Lady at every clause; Well Madam, this is a dangerous design against the Clergy, The Gentleman (being loth to lose the further diversion that might be Improved upon so Comical a Plot) bid the Chaplain provide to go with him to the City to morrow, and to have the Letter with him, and he would take care to see the Irish man taken to account for his design upon th eClergy, Sr. John was somwhat pacified with this; and in token thereof, tipt a winke upon Mrs. Betty.

The next day the Gentleman met his Friend (the Master of (the Master of Bryand in London, and (at the Coffee-house) old him all the story of his mans Letter, the Chaplains Notes thereon, and the sport it had been to himself, and his Lady, and [Page 54]that the Parson and Letter were both in Town: His Friend replyed; he was much pleased at the Conceit of it; and that he would have him and the Chaplain dine at his house; The Gentleman accordingly sent for his Chaplain, and they meet at his Friends at dinner. The love Letter was produced, and Bryan called coram Nobis; The Chaplain read the Indictment, by Explaining the Letter; And Bryan was examined upon the premises. Be Cheest (deare Joy) says he tome his Master; ‘Now de Deevill tauke if dish Priesht be not de deevillish shon of a howr mauke all dish Treashon upon me dan; vaat plotsh ish it for me to tall de Maid vee will be marryed, ha! be shaint Pautrick it ish shuch a damn Ting waare deshe Parshons doe come into he House, dare ish be not quiett in fait. Daare ish someting beshides daat maake me put Conshiderashion upon dee indede, aund daat ish in fait to mauke hanging upon me indede, aund daan de vilt mauke Marriage upon mine shweet hart, mine Ursulah indede; Aund Y will mauke shware upon dee, daat dee vash shteal mine Lettre oout of of mine shoeet hartsh pocketsh; And dee vilt marry mine Urshulah, aund put me upon mauke kill upon me shelfe for Love [Page 55]indede: Whoo! whoo! whoo! poo! Be shaint Pautrick Y will mauke petishion for dy plaush noow, aund maake dee be put oout of dy Chaplainsh Comishion, aund dan Y will mauke ride avay vid all de Veemen mine awne shelfe be Creesht, aund dee sha't hang dy shelfe before Urshula vill Love dee.’ Some Strangers coming in to mauke a visit, put a period to the rest of the Comedie.

33.

It was in Flanders that a certain Bog­lander, who was of the Army there; hap­pened to be very much smitten with the Daughter of an Inhabitant at Brusselles: The young Gentlewoman was a zealous frequenter of Mattins, and Vespers; where he had often opportunity to see-her, and Consequently to be the more Captivated, but it was impossible for him to get ad­mittance to her to make known the vio­lence of his passion, because of the vast distance their difference Fortunes had put between them. He therefore made fre­quent Orisons, and was almost perpe­tually rattling over his Beads, thumping his Breast, and using all the Demonstra­tions of a very fervent Devotion, in so [Page 56]much that a certain Boy that belonged to one of the Fathers had often Observed him to pay his Adorations to one parti­cular shrine, and (by degrees) understood the business which put him upon those fre­quent Adresses. It was all for Love forsooth, it was the heat of his passion, that begat that of his Devotion: All his Applications were made to the figure of a Lady with a Child in her Arms; Whom he earnestly be­sought to Incline the Idol of his thoughts to answer his Inclinations with a re­ciprocal passion; And to be so propitious as to favour his Love with a fortunate minute, wherein he might discover the violence of that Irresistable Flame, the Rayes of her Beauty had kindled in him, with abundance of such Rhetorical Bum­bast which he had pickt (it's like) out of Wits Commonwealth, or the Accademy of Com­plements; but still accented and pronounced in the Tone of Dear Joy Land, interlarded with a world of O bone's! hoo! hoo! poo's, and the like; one wou'd have thought enough to have melted down a Lady of Marble. But tho it obtained not the de­sired effect, our Souldier knew not how to despair, but daily repeated his Addres­ses, and renewed his Vows to the Obdu­rate Shrine. The Boy before mentioned, [Page 57]had one day placed himself behind the Statue, and that so advantageously, that the Souldier did not observe him; but with a Tone and gesture very pitiful, was heard to express himself to this pupposee

Deevil tauke me (dear Joy) Y hauve come a mauny timesh indeed to mauke Shuplicaushion to dee, and Y can nevar get one vord from dee in fait; now be his Holynesh's Slipper, Y tinke it ish vary hard indede date dee shouldst ushe a body after such fashion be Chreest; vaat posht dee be in dish plauce for, if de vilt not be sho shivil to manke Aunswer, vaan Y speake to dee indede? daat Y do shay me hort is amosht broke to peeshes in fait, dare ish no mauking belief in any body at all be Creest, aund dee beesht sho hord haurt­ed, daat if Y do come to dee every day indede, dee vilt shay noting at aul to me in fait; Aund ish not dish very hord noow? Yesh be shant Pau­trick it ish indede: Aund yet v'rall dat Y musht be for coming to dee again, to mauke Shuplica­shions upon dee, daat Y may ondershtand if she vill be mauking Love upon me, or no be Chreest; aund if Y shaul make mauriage upon her indede? No, no, says the Boy behind the Picture, at which Dear Joy was in a very great discontent, and could hardly forbear sal­ling into a fumigation; but a little re­collecting, he proceeded: Noow Y prathee dear Joy, let that shame pratty little Child hold [Page 58]hish tongue, shpake to me vid dyne awn Lipsh indede; vaat dosht dee shay noow; shaul Y aver come to Bed to daat pratty Voman, daat Y vash spaking to dee aboout? aund upon me shalwa­shion indeed Y vill be for mauking Prayer to dee sholong ash Y live be Chreest: No, no, I say (says the Boy again) thou shalt never have her. Daan de deevil tauke me if aver Y do mauke Prayers upon dee any more be my Shoul, Y vill go aund mauke hang upon me shalf 'noow; aund de sha't never shee me faush any more in fait noow, aund sho fare dee vall dear Joy, indede. At which he marcht out of the Church in great Indignation, and the Boy was ready to burst with the thought how he had imposed upon poor B [...] ­lander.

A deare Joy being arraigned for stealing a Mare, and the Evidence making Oath they saw him lead her out of the Ground he was at length asked, what he could fay for himself? Now de Deevill tauke me it fait (says he) but heare ish de greatesh parshell of Lawyers daat ever vash in the World, vor upon me shalwashion (deare Joy) Y did but tauke de end of the bridle in fait, aund de Deevillish Jade came after indede, aund Y vash loat to cutt of de end of de Bridle, aund a [...] Chreesht of dee dosht mauke haung upon it, dare well be au end of me Generashion indede, for [Page 59]me Vaadar, me Grandfar, me great Grandfar, and two Broddarsh wash all hang'd for Shomti­nesh after one anodder, shom vash for finding of Coush, shom for Sheepsh, aund shom for mauking Murder be Creesht, aund de Deevil tauke de envanshion of hampe in fait, for ish mauke destrushion upon aull me vaadarsh Fau­mily indede. And be shaint Pautrick if dee [...]osht mauke putting the haang upon me, Y vill navar mauke forgett of it indede, La.